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1
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,843
Hey, boys! Thanks for coming in
on such short notice.
2
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,137
-No worries, it's our job.
-Yeah.
3
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,346
Cool, so anyways,
4
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:16,182
you guys got a job to help the Shmaloogles
5
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,727
in Shmaloogleville.
6
00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,354
Shmaloogles?
7
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,480
Yeah, Shmaloogles.
8
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,315
I’m-- I'm just reading
off the card here, man.
9
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,942
I don't write them, I just read them.
10
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,529
It says, "The Shmaloogles
in Shmaloogleville need help."
11
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:31,072
So, that's all I know.
12
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,657
Sounds like a fun job to me.
13
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:33,867
Cool, any questions?
14
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,910
Yeah, I actually do have a question.
15
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,038
Who is that? Who's that man?
16
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,122
It's my boy, Neil.
17
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,707
We're gonna watch the Clerks movies
18
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,208
in the Rumpus Room later.
19
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,210
And look, s-- no pressure,
20
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,921
but, like, if you guys want to,
like, join us,
21
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,214
that would be awesome.
22
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:49,758
Maybe, yeah.
23
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:52,177
I mean, it really just depends
if we have time or not,
24
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,470
right, Pim? 'Cause it's like...
25
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,930
Yeah, if we get done in time,
we'll let you know.
26
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:59,184
Also, Neil did message Brian O'Halloran.
27
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,853
He's... Dante in Clerks.
28
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,147
So, I don't know if he'll come, but yeah.
29
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,232
Brian was messaged.
30
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:11,196
We're going to go on the job now,
but we'll see, we'll let you know.
31
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:12,280
See you later, Mr. Boss.
32
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,157
Yeah, yeah, no worries. Have fun.
33
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:17,994
So they don't like Clerks or what?
34
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,996
No, man, I'm sure they like Clerks.
35
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,582
Those guys just have a lot
on their plate right now.
36
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,428
Dude, that car is not meant
for off-roading at all.
37
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,388
This place looks lovely!
38
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:41,184
Greetings!
Thank you for coming to help us.
39
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:45,438
I am King Shmaloogle,
and this is Shmaloogleville.
40
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,775
We Shmaloogles are a simple people.
41
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,194
We spend most of our time Shmaloogleing.
42
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,405
For fun, we also Gloogle.
43
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,199
But, of course,
44
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,368
a day in Shmaloogleville
wouldn't be the same
45
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:01,204
without some good old-fashioned Woogling.
46
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,666
This place seems like a paradise.
47
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,501
What could you
possibly need our help with?
48
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,920
Shmaloogley-woogley-woo!
49
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,922
Our Shmaloogle machine is boogling
50
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,674
when it should be zoogling.
51
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,926
It's making us so sad.
52
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,472
Yeah. We can try to help you with that.
53
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,558
Nah, dude. I'm-- I'm not doing this one.
54
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,017
Wait, what? What's the matter, Charlie?
55
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,812
Yeah, it's fine. I just...
This is way more of a Pim job, man.
56
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,522
And I think you're gonna do
a really good job.
57
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,731
-What do you mean?
-I just--
58
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,358
I know I'm not gonna add anything to this.
59
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,360
Is it just the Shmaloogle stuff?
60
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,778
-Okay, I understand.
-It's everything.
61
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,864
-Yeah, it doesn't feel like Charlie.
-Yeah, it's everything.
62
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,824
It's the look, it's the name,
it's the problem they have.
63
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,075
-It's all of it.
-That's all right.
64
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,743
I can do this on my own
if you don't want to.
65
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,871
-Yeah, that's all right.
-Yeah, yeah. By the way, by the way,
66
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,248
dude, I'll go grab us lunch
and just tell me what you want from Wawa.
67
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,749
Can I get a chicken salad wrap, actually?
68
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,876
Absolutely, yeah.
69
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,794
No worries,
I'll do this while you're gone. Yeah.
70
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:50,962
-Good.
-All right, man.
71
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,839
-All right, see you, Charlie.
-All right. See you, man.
72
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:53,965
Okay, let's see.
73
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,926
What exactly is the problem again
with the Shmaloogle machine?
74
00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,554
No! Everyone, hide!
75
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,018
Pim!
76
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,521
Wh-- What was that?
77
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,481
That just happens every now and again.
78
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,608
What?
79
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,152
Hey! Look, everyone!
80
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,571
I've got the Shmaloogle machine working!
81
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:18,323
Huzzah!
82
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:20,366
Shmaloogle celebration!
83
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,202
Yay!
84
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,130
I shall crush you into liquid!
85
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,256
No, please don't do that!
86
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,341
Quiet, you!
87
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,386
Now, where was I?
88
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,313
Now it's your turn!
89
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,777
Wait a minute! Your head won't fit!
90
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,986
You're not a Shmaloogle!
91
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,112
Explain yourself!
92
00:03:58,613 --> 00:03:59,614
I'm Pim!
93
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,699
The Shmaloogles called me
and my friend to help them!
94
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:02,825
It's my job!
95
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,536
Dammit! I need more Shmaloogles then!
96
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,830
Wait! What do you even need
the Shmaloogles for
97
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:08,957
in the first place?
98
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,334
You really wanna know?
99
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,629
What is wrong with you little freaks?
100
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:15,755
We gotta do something.
101
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,257
Relax, Charlie.
102
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,841
There's nothing we can do.
103
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,009
Why don't you chill out
104
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,886
and have a homemade Shmaloogle shake
105
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,596
that Princess Shmaloogle made?
106
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,057
Hello. Have a Shmaloogle shake.
107
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,558
No, I don't want a Shmaloogle milkshake.
108
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,978
I want to get my friend
and I want to go home.
109
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,106
It's Shmaloogle o'clock.
110
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,236
Hey, hey,
stop doing your stupid little dance!
111
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,655
The village was just attacked
and your friends were kidnapped
112
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,323
and you're not gonna do anything about it
113
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:45,451
except for dance around
and talk in nonsense?
114
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:48,454
You suck and you're weak little cowards!
115
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,292
He's right. I'm inspired.
116
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,376
Me too!
117
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,336
I feel funny inside.
118
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,587
I want to fight!
119
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,549
You know what?
I don't like dancing around.
120
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,592
I've been repressing this for too long.
121
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,511
Let's go kill that wizard!
122
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,097
Hey, come on now, guys.
123
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,265
We're Shmaloogles, man.
124
00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:08,391
We don't fight.
125
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,059
We sing and we dance.
126
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,311
Fuck you!
127
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,483
Guys, guys, guys, look.
I like the direction you're going in,
128
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,486
but I think we need to channel this energy
into something more constructive.
129
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,571
Like what?
130
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,698
How about a cool fucking training montage?
131
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:42,675
Ready to learn the horrible secret
that will change your life forever?
132
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,385
Yeah, I guess.
133
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,182
Sorry, what's the problem?
134
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,725
My hair is thinning!
135
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:54,062
Okay, and what does that have
to do with the Shmaloogles?
136
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:55,355
I read on a forum
137
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,565
that Shmaloogles
are a natural remedy for hair loss,
138
00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:58,816
so I've been killing them
139
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,361
and rubbing their juices on my scalp.
140
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,072
There's nothing wrong with going bald,
and it definitely doesn't mean
141
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,823
you need to kill innocent creatures
over it.
142
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,993
Okay, okay, wow, okay,
you really don't get it.
143
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,120
Come over here.
Let me show you something, come here.
144
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,960
-All right, you see this right here?
-Yeah.
145
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,296
This is called the Norwood Scale,
146
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,798
and it goes from one to seven.
147
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,174
And right now, I'm like a...
148
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,802
like a three and a half, or a four.
149
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,054
And it's just getting worse.
150
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,973
I think you're thinking about it too much.
I don't even think people notice.
151
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,351
Wait, let me guess.
Just shave it off and accept it, right?
152
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,353
-Yeah, like just own it.
-Yeah, yeah.
153
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,730
A lot of people go bald
and they just own it.
154
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,690
-Who? Who?
-You know...
155
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,776
There's lots of celebrities that are bald.
156
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:43,277
You mean like rich, handsome people
157
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,987
who can hire like personal trainers?
158
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,948
I don't think that matters.
Balding is fine.
159
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,283
It's just I don't think hair matters
as much as you think.
160
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,494
Okay, okay. Look. That's great.
Hold on to that thought.
161
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:52,870
I want you to tell me
162
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,248
what you think this guy
does for a living, okay?
163
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,041
-Like a...
-Go.
164
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,918
Looks like a construction worker,
a mechanic.
165
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:01,003
-Just someone who works...
-Interesting.
166
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,214
So sort of like blue collar,
167
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,258
-bottom of the bottom of the society.
-Yeah-- No, no.
168
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:06,884
No, there's nothing wrong
with jobs like that.
169
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,011
-No!
-He looks like he works with his hands,
170
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,555
like a laborer type of job. Sure.
171
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,681
Perfect answer.
172
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,975
-What's your point though? Why?
-No, no. There's no trick.
173
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,351
Let me just... Okay. Now, now,
174
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:16,853
what does this guy do?
175
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,648
-Right?
-You just put hair on him?
176
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,901
-I mean--
-Still a construction worker?
177
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,446
He could, like, yeah, I mean...
178
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,073
Could he? Really? Really?
179
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:32,160
You wouldn't say CEO? Or president?
180
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,036
You'd say laborer, really?
181
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,290
Come on, dude, be honest,
come on, come on.
182
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,667
I do kind of see your point, yeah.
183
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,502
So, you agree that me killing Shmaloogles
184
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:42,753
is totally justified, then?
185
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,131
Look, being locked up here
all by yourself looking at images
186
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,341
on a scary orb can't be good for anyone.
187
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,178
Have you ever thought about talking
to a professional about this?
188
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,054
No, I've never told anyone
about my hair loss,
189
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,181
and I never will!
190
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,683
The only reason I've told you is
because I'm going to kill you!
191
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:56,976
No, please don't!
192
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,612
Yo, man, give me my friend back
and we'll call it even.
193
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:09,822
I got a fucking army with me.
194
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,532
How wonderful!
195
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:15,161
The Shmaloogles have come right
to my doorstep for me to murder!
196
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:16,746
Attack!
197
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,266
Man.
198
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,352
Man, those stairs killed me.
199
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:40,561
Charlie!
200
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,566
For your relentless attacks
on our people and our village,
201
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,693
we sentence you to death.
202
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,362
Any last words?
203
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,530
Yeah!
204
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,199
Smile and blow me!
205
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,283
Wait, Mr. Wizard!
206
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,285
You should tell them
why you did what you did!
207
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,537
I'd rather die!
208
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,747
Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!
Kill me! Kill me!
209
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,332
Look, you're balding,
210
00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:02,917
and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
211
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,795
Tell them that you've been
using Shmaloogles to try and cure it.
212
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:06,879
No, it's a cowlick,
213
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,382
plus the lighting is all weird in here
and everything.
214
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:10,508
It's...
215
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,635
All right. Fine. Fine!
216
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:15,388
I'm going bald.
217
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:16,722
That's your problem?
218
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,099
Dude, you don't need Shmaloogles.
219
00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:20,017
You just need,
like, finasteride and minoxidil.
220
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,102
Yeah, but...
221
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,563
I mean, don't those drugs come with, like,
222
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,147
nasty side effects or something?
223
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,524
For some guys, yeah.
224
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,693
For me personally,
I've been on it for ten years.
225
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,570
I've never had those issues personally,
but...
226
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:31,821
I didn't know that, Charlie.
227
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,241
Yeah, man. If I never got on medication,
I would be fully bald at this point.
228
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,450
I'd be like that guy right there.
229
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,660
But, you know, for you,
230
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,620
the Norwood level
that you're at right now,
231
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,247
your hair is totally savable.
232
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,415
No, I think you're right.
233
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:44,375
I-- I really think you're right.
234
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,877
I just gotta bite the bullet
and just try it.
235
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,379
And you know what?
236
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,839
Even if I do get side effects,
237
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,674
at least I tried something, right?
238
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,968
So, does this mean you won't kill
the Shmaloogles anymore?
239
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:55,303
I suppose so.
240
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,555
Shmaloogletastic!
241
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,099
So, what now?
242
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,392
You guys wanna get Wawa?
243
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,605
See, Charlie?
244
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,065
Turns out you are good
at helping silly characters smile.
245
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,234
Pim, you're the smile expert, buddy,
all right?
246
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,362
Everything I know, I learned from you.
All right, let's get that out of the way.
247
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,365
I'll tell you what, maybe I'll even
do a little bit of the Shmaloogle dance?
248
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,491
What if I do that?
249
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,077
By the way,
I just wanted to bring this up.
250
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,997
When we were storming the castle
before and going up the steps,
251
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,082
I saw you take a picture
of Princess Shmaloogle
252
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,334
from underneath her dress.
253
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,628
I just want to say
I'm really not okay with that.
254
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,546
What? Are you talking to me?
255
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,672
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
256
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,799
-I didn't do that.
-I swear I saw you behind us.
257
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,302
Wait, wait, not only did I not do that,
it's not even possible.
258
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,095
I haven't had my phone on me all day.
259
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:39,764
I forgot it at the office. Look.
260
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,141
Gosh, I didn't
know you didn't have your phone.
261
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,602
Maybe it was just the way
your hand was moving or something.
262
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,312
-Yes.
-Forget I said anything.
263
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:47,438
I'm sorry.
264
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,982
I mean, the vibe's ruined now, dude.
265
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,498
So, what's amazing about this shot is,
266
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,500
-we had a limited space--
-Hang on a second, man.
267
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,876
I just want to hear this part.
268
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,504
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
269
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,546
It's all good.
270
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,631
It's all good.
20069
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