All language subtitles for Krapopolis.S03E08.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH_track3_[eng]

STUPENDOUS: Remember,
lift with the back.

And if you're carrying
something sharp,

make sure you run

to minimize the amount of time
you're holding it.

Safety is no accident, people!

VISCERA: What the...

I thought I slashed
the palace remodeling budget.

TYRANNIS: Oh,
we're not renovating,

though a nice fresco
would bring the room together.

We're preparing for the loudest,
most dangerous,

and unsettling day of the year:

my parents' anniversary.

VISCERA:
What's so unsettling about that?

They have loud sex, don't they?
TYRANNIS: Not just loud.

See, they get each other
spectacular gifts,

which gets them so worked up

that the sex
becomes dangerous for the city.

STUPENDOUS: Yeah. Last year,
they love-made so big,

it caused an earthquake
that destroyed half the palace.

I can still hear
their screams of pleasure

in my nightmares.

SHLUB: Time for the big day!

TYRANNIS: So,
what's the plan this year?

Orgy parade, cock carnival,
turning yourself into an octopus

so you and Mum can...
Why am I pitching on this?

SHLUB: Whatever do you mean?

Did I count wrong?

Is today not
your and Mum's anniversary?

SHLUB: No,
that only comes once a year,

which is exactly how long
it takes the spank marks

from last year's anniversary
to go away.

[Screams]

How could I have forgotten?

You've been asking
too much of me!

VISCERA: The only thing
I've asked you to do

in the past month
is take a bath.

SHLUB: And now
I smell phenomenal.

It's thrown me completely off.

STUPENDOUS: Wait, if you forgot,
then why'd you say,

"time for the big day"?

Because it's always the big day
when you're the big dog.

If your mother finds out
that I didn't plan anything,

she'll kill me.

Or worse, not give me
my anniversary spanks.

Then, how will I remember
for next year?

This is a snowballing disaster.

Is there a chance
your mother forgot as well?

DELIRIA: Time for the big day!

SHLUB: Because
you're the big dog or...

DELIRIA:
Happy anniversary, Shlub.

SHLUB: [Laughs uncomfortably]

Yes!

♪

DELIRIA: Just a little further.

SHLUB: If the gift
is the blindfold itself,

that would be enough for me.
DELIRIA: Oh, don't be silly.

When have our anniversary gifts
been anything short of grandiose

and increasingly hard to outdo?

SHLUB: That is the spirit
of the holiday, yes.

DELIRIA: Now, look up.

Nyx, we're ready!

Called in a favor
from the goddess of night

so you could see the gift.

I get older.

The days get shorter.

SHLUB: You made me a comet!

DELIRIA: It wasn't easy,
shaping a giant,
dirty snowball in your image

and flinging it out into space

so that it only appears once
every year on our anniversary,

but I think it turned
out rather well.

SHLUB: Look at my haunches.

They're literally glowing!

DELIRIA: And I hope
they're ready

for a spanking later.

SHLUB: Thank you, darling.
It's amazing.

DELIRIA: And now,
I await your gift

with near-impossible
expectations,

knowing that this time
it needs to be fitting

for a wife, goddess and a queen.

SHLUB: Yes,
you won't be disappointed.

DELIRIA: OK, thanks, hun.
We're good.

Well, back to the grind.

TYRANNIS:
I'm calling them toe-gas.

Like togas, but for toes.

Guess it's still the same word.

Anyway,
they keep your feet warm.

STUPENDOUS: And smelly.

Count me in!

HIPPOCAMPUS:
Daphne broke up with me.

[Cries]

STUPENDOUS: Oh, no!
That little wood nymph?

HIPPOCAMPUS: She said
we weren't right for each other

and refused to elaborate!

She cut off
all discussion on the matter

after only, like, 3 hours!

[Cries]

STUPENDOUS: What's that thing
Hippo likes being?

TYRANNIS: Rational?
STUPENDOUS: Yeah.

He's not even trying to do that.

I don't think he's OK.

You know what?
Foot fashion can wait.

Let's pull our brother
out of these dumps.

STUPENDOUS:
What do you want me to do,

Act all friendly,
glad-hand party guy

and show him a good time?

Spend the whole night drinking
and shenaniganning?

I mean,
I got nothing against the nans.

I'm just saying.

It might take
a little more than that

to cheer this guy up.

SHLUB: Get out of my way!

I'm absolutely screwed
if I don't find

a mind-blowing gift
for your mother

in this chest
of magical wonders.

This is nothing.

Genie in a lamp.

Too tacky.

I've found it!

There's got to be
a shorter way to say that.

TYRANNIS:
Did he say genie in a lamp?

Happy anniversary, Deliria!

A stick?

You shouldn't have.

SHLUB: It's not just any stick.

It's a time travel stick.

Chronos gave it to me
as a thank you

for being his wingman

during something
called "the Crusades"?

Bloody time.
But lots of zealous hotties.

Anyway,
it's good for one round trip

to a time of our choosing.

DELIRIA: Oh, time travel.

Seems a little impersonal,
but I suppose...

SHLUB: I wasn't finished.

I am going to use this stick
to take us to...

...our very first anniversary.

DELIRIA: Well,
I'm excited to see

where you're going with this.

SHLUB: Uh, yes,
Because, of course,

there is a whole
fully-wrought plan

of which this magical visit
to our former selves

is but a small part.

[Chuckles uncomfortably]

DELIRIA: What then?
Do we join them?

SHLUB: Well, technically,
we mustn't interact.

Chronos was clear this is more
of a look-don't-touch situation.

But what kind of a gift
would it be

if it didn't involve
a little rule-breaking?

Hello, there.

Now, this is going
to be hard for you

to wrap your heads around,
but...

YOUNG SHLUB:
You're us from the future.

Bring it in. Drink with us.

ZENOBIUS: Behold! I am here
to grant your heart's desires!

And maybe make some friends
along the way?

[Giggles]
The rules are simple.

STUPENDOUS: Yeah, yeah,
we don't need the rules.

We've been to a genie before.

Just, everybody,
remember to be careful.

These guys
are notoriously tricky

and love to mess up wishes.

Oh, no, no, no, not me.

No, that is not
how I operate at all.

I really focus much less
on the letter of the wish

than the spirit.
STUPENDOUS: Sure.

ZENOBIUS: It's true! I've been
in the vase 2,000 years!

I'm not gonna blow a chance
to make new friends.

TYRANNIS: All right.

Our goal here is
to help our brother.

HIPPOCAMPUS: I don't need help.
I got a genie.

ZENOBIUS: Yeah,
that's the spirit.

STUPENDOUS: Wait,
you're not gonna make Daphne

want you back
or anything creepy like that.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Of course not.
I'm not a psycho.

Or not that kind of psycho.

Daphne said
we weren't right for each other.

TYRANNIS: There you go, yes.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Which means
there's something wrong with me.

TYRANNIS: Exactly!
Wait, no, what?

[Laughing]

SHLUB: So, one year in,
how are things going

between the younger us?

YOUNG DELIRIA:
Oh, it's been divine.

Volatile, passionate,
constant drama.

On a vase,
we're wildly incompatible.

She's a god, I'm a monster.

She's ageless,
I'm basically a baby to her.

She likes peanuts,
I can't get on with the shells.

But that's what makes
a relationship so exciting.

DELIRIA: Our love did start out
pretty messy and hot, didn't it?

PAST DELIRIA: In fact,
it's good you came.

Things have been feeling
a little too comfortable,

too dull between us.

PAST SHLUB: Am I thinking
what I'm thinking?

SHLUB: Well,
I certainly hope so.

PAST SHLUB: What would you say
to a little Shlub swap?

I spend the day
with your Deliria,

and you spend the day with mine.

SHLUB: The only rule, no rules.

PAST DELIRIA:
I'd never turn down

a little temporal swinging.
Or would I?

DELIRIA: No,
that stays constant.

PAST DELIRIA: Oh,
it's settled, then.

We swap our Shlubs for the day,
and we can rendezvous

at this big
Olympus party tonight

as each other's dates.

DELIRIA: Oh, Shlub,
you've really topped yourself
this year.

SHLUB: Not yet, I haven't.
But there's no time for that.

Let the Shlub swap commence.

YOUNG DELIRIA:
Oh, that was incredible.

What is that thing you did
with your tongue?

My Shlub can't do that.

SHLUB: The double-jointed tongue

isn't the only trick
I've picked up.

PAST DELIRIA: And future me
gets to experience that

all the time?

SHLUB: Absolutely.
I've upgraded in many ways.

I hope my Deliria can get past

the awful bachelor cave
I used to live in.

DELIRIA: Incredible.

I truly forgot
how taut your skin was.

And your filthy bachelor cave
only adds to the thrill.

YOUNG SHLUB:
There's no way my future self

is enjoying this
as much as I am.

SHLUB: I love ceiling sex!

PAST SHLUB:
I love sex on a bear!

SHLUB: I love sex in a jar!

PAST SHLUB:
I love this pattern.

These would make great curtains.

[Howls]

SHLUB: [Howls]

YOUNG DELIRIA:
What a perfect anniversary.

SHLUB: I'm glad
to hear you say it.

Although anniversaries
aren't the most important thing.

You could, say, forget one...

PAST DELIRIA: You could,

but if my Shlub
actually did that,

I would consider it a betrayal
of Zeusian proportions.

SHLUB: Of course.
One which, if confessed...

PAST DELIRIA: Would result
in absolute catastrophe.

My rage would have no limit.

Why do you ask?
SHLUB: No reason.

Shall we go again?

HIPPOCAMPUS: What to change?
What to change?

I could give myself
photosynthesis.

Second row of teeth,
stickier mucus.

TYRANNIS: Hippo, you are perfect
exactly the way you are.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Oh, OK.
So, hold on.

My super-hot
assassin-nymph girlfriend

said I'm not right.

But my half-virgin brother
says I'm perfect.

TYRANNIS: I'm not a virgin!
STUPENDOUS: You're virgin-ish.

STUPENDOUS: You're virgin-esque.

TYRANNIS: I'm not
any of those things.

Maybe virgin-adjacent.

But as someone who also
dated Daphne, by the way--

HIPPOCAMPUS: You kissed once!

STUPENDOUS: And wasn't she
trying to assassinate you?

TYRANNIS: OK,
whatever you want to call

what happened
between me and Daphne--

HIPPOCAMPUS: Nothing!
STUPENDOUS:
Assassination attempt.

TYRANNIS: You know,
you're not helping.

I'm just saying, I've had
my share of heartbreaks, OK?

Before you change anything,
give me a chance

to prove
that you're not the problem.

You just need
a little cheering up.

You know what helped
when Demeter and I broke up?

HIPPOCAMPUS: The fact
that you dated for one day

and Mom broke up with her
for you?

TYRANNIS: No, I treated myself.

So, Genie, I wish we had
a bottle of nice wine.

STUPENDOUS: The kind of wine
made from grapes,

not the sound Ty makes
when his toga rides up.

TYRANNIS: OK,
let me be more specific.

ZENOBIUS:
It's really not necessary.

I make a lovely red.

TYRANNIS: New wish.
ZENOBIUS: That's fine, too.

And you know what?
You can call me Zenobius.

That's my name.
[Giggles]

TYRANNIS: Genie, I wish Hippo
was getting pampered.

Pampered!

STUPENDOUS: Got to watch out
for those near rhymes.

Don't want Hippo
getting trampled or gram-pulled.

TYRANNIS: What is gram-pulled?

STUPENDOUS:
When your grandpa shows up

and pulls your intestines
out of your butt.

PAST DELIRIA: Well,
I think we can all agree

that the Shlub-swap
was a success.

DELIRIA: And Chronos said
this would be bad.

PAST SHLUB: I've never had
more consequence-free sex

in my life.

DELIRIA: Shlub,
what an amazing gift.

And to top it all off
with a huge party

on Mount Olympus.

However did you arrange it all?

SHLUB: An entire year
of single-minded preparation,

my dear.
DELIRIA: Fantastic.

So thoughtful.

SHLUB: Yes.
DELIRIA: So what's next?

SHLUB: Next?
DELIRIA: Yes,

where does it go from here?
SHLUB: From?

DELIRIA: I mean, you've been
diligently planning it

for an entire year,
so what's the big finale?

SHLUB: Finale?

DELIRIA: I'll tell you
what the big finale is.

It's me revealing I know
you didn't plan any of this.

You've been making it up
as you go.

Admit it,
you forgot our anniversary.

SHLUB: Absolutely not.

The finale is,
all at the same time,

every volcano in the world
will erupt,

painting a picture of you
in the sky made of lava.

And it happens right...

now.

I was hoping
maybe I planned that

during a blackout.

TYRANNIS: So,
are you feeling better

about the breakup?

HIPPOCAMPUS: No.
TYRANNIS: No? Why not?

HIPPOCAMPUS:
Because I'm still me, Ty.

TYRANNIS: Oh, come on.

You know what?
We did things your way.

Genie, I wish I didn't need
this stupid ball to breathe

and also that I had
a glorious mustache.

STUPENDOUS: Mus-stache.

ZENOBIUS: What word could I even
confuse that with?

STUPENDOUS: Oh, I don't know.
Moos-stache?

TYRANNIS: Stoop,
we can't let him...

ZENOBIUS: Either way,
your wish is my command.

TYRANNIS: No.

Aw. Well, what can I get you
for your last two wishes?

TYRANNIS: What?
STUPENDOUS: Two?

But you said you knew the rules.

TYRANNIS: Hippo,
you're fine as is.

Your only problem
is not accepting this.

HIPPOCAMPUS: I need
to show her I've changed.

TYRANNIS: Fine.
Let's see how that would go.

We'll role-play it. Genie,

I wish I looked
and sounded like Daphne.

STUPENDOUS: What?
HIPPOCAMPUS: What?

TYRANNIS: Well, hello, Hippo.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Ty, what the hell?

STUPENDOUS: Yeah,
this is super weird.
TYRANNIS: No, it isn't.

Hippo, just talk to me
the way you would...

The way
I'd talk to my girlfriend

if I knew she was actually
my brother?

TYRANNIS: No, I mean...

HIPPOCAMPUS:
We only have one wish left!

If I were more like Daphne,

I believe our relationship
might work.

So, Genie, I wish I was a tree.

HIPPOCAMPUS: What?
TYRANNIS: Don't!

ZENOBIUS: Literally,
whatever you want.

[Giggles]

Go get her, Hippo.

SHLUB: It's all true.
The time travel,

the Shlub swap,
all just a desperate attempt

to avoid disappointing you.

Are you contemplating
how to punish me

in a way I won't enjoy?
That'll be hard,

but I know you can
think of something.

Surprisingly, no.

SHLUB: But you said
you consider it a betrayal

of Zeusian proportions.

DELIRIA: What?
I never said that.

SHLUB: Past Deliria did.

Well, of course. Back then,
I'd have been furious.

Razed a whole village
to the ground to prove it.

But I suppose
I no longer feel the need.

I find I'm quite relaxed.
Accepting.

How odd.

YOUNG DELIRIA:
Relaxed? Accepting?

I can't believe
what I'm hearing.

DELIRIA: With which part
are you struggling?

PAST DELIRIA: The part
where he forgot your anniversary

and you said,
"Oh, I'm done caring

"about whether my husband
fears and respects me."

SHLUB:
That's a generous paraphrase.

YOUNG SHLUB:
I, too, am rather alarmed.

Could I even love a Deliria

who wouldn't tear me a third one
for a mistake like this?

As we all know,
I already have two

from a previous
tearing incident.

DELIRIA: Oh, trust me,
the drama gets old

after 1,000 years.

PAST DELIRIA: 1,000 years?

We're together for 1,000 years?

Next, you're going to tell me
you have a tiny child

running around
sucking the life out of you.

SHLUB: 3, actually.
That we know of.

PAST DELIRIA: Shlub,
I think we should break up.

It was a fun year,
but I have no interest

in a relationship
where slights and insults

are simply forgiven.

I'd rather be dead.

PAST SHLUB:
Couldn't agree more.
Breakup accepted.

SHLUB: You can't break up!

DELIRIA: What does that
even mean for us?

[Gasps]

SHLUB: Happy anniversary!

PAST SHLUB:
I've never seen a hole
that looked more unwelcoming,

and I've seen my fair share.

SHLUB: Perhaps that has
something to do

with us meddling with the past.

CHRONOS: ♪ Fail! ♪

♪ Time travel paradox! ♪

Hi, Chronos,
the guy who warned you

not to mess with time.

But it looks like
♪ You messed with time! ♪

Don't let the singing fool you.

I do it when I'm mad,

and I am...

♪ Super pissed! ♪

[Imitates musical instrument]

YOUNG DELIRIA:
Care to explain what's going on?

It's simple.

You breaking up in the past

is quite literally causing
the fabric of reality

to fall apart.

If you don't stay together,
the universe will implode.

Does that exposition
expose it enough for you?

YOUNG SHLUB:
But the universe is where I do
most of my existing.

And lovemaking.

DELIRIA: Call off your perverted
little suck hole, Chronos.

Nobody wants to play
your stupid games.

CHRONOS: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's not my suck hole,

and this isn't a game.

I'm telling you,
everything will end.

DELIRIA: OK, why don't you two
just get back together

and fix the universe?

PAST DELIRIA:
I already told you,

I'd rather be dead
than end up like this pushover.

CHRONOS: I literally
cannot emphasize this enough.

Universe ending, bad.

SHLUB: God, we really were
an overly dramatic couple

back then.
What the hell do we do?

DELIRIA: Maybe we just need
to show our younger selves

that we can still be dramatic.

SHLUB: Loud, obnoxious fight?

DELIRIA: Follow my lead.

SHLUB: Baby,
tear me a third one.

DELIRIA: Fine.
You want the truth?

Why I didn't appear
to get mad with you?

It's because
I'm always mad at you, Shlub.

I put up with a lot.

Your squeaky hooves,
your pee corner,

your other pee corner,

your third pee corner,

your excessive use
of the word "opa,"

your hairballs and vice versa.

So why would I be surprised

that I wrote our love
in the stars for you

and got nothing in return

but a husband who forgot
about the most important day

of the year to me?

OK, I think that's good.

DELIRIA:
Maybe my past self is right.

Maybe this relationship
has made me too soft.

I need some time
to think things over.

Devastated animal exit.

[Howls]

CHRONOS: Well,
the universe had a good run.

[Hums]

♪ Guess we're all gonna die ♪

TYRANNIS:
That was our last wish.

HIPPOCAMPUS: I don't care.
I'm going to see Daphne.

The real Daphne.

Can one of you carry me?

STUPENDOUS:
Hippo, look at yourself.

TYRANNIS: You shouldn't
have to change this much

to make someone love you.

HIPPOCAMPUS: Oh, God,
what have I done?

How am I gonna live as a tree?
What do I eat?

How do I poop?

Because, yep,
I do not have an anus.

I don't know what that's for.

STUPENDOUS: Maybe a teensy
little bird lives there.

HIPPOCAMPUS: You guys
were just looking out for me.

Should've listened.

And now you're stuck
like this, too.

TYRANNIS: You know,
I could actually
probably live with it

if I have to.

HIPPOCAMPUS: [Crying] I'm sorry.

TYRANNIS: But, yeah, no,
we have to fix this.

ZENOBIUS: I think I speak
for all of us when I say

we're just sorry
you're going through this,

and you don't have to change
for us to love you.

STUPENDOUS: Genie,
can't you just slip us

an extra wish
to change my brother's back?

ZENOBIUS: [Sighs]
I would. I totally would.

But it's against the rules,

and I really need this job.

I have a ton of student debt.

Genie's school is not cheap.

STUPENDOUS: Well, OK,
but is it against the rules

to hang out with your friends

before heading back
to your vase?

ZENOBIUS: Oh, what the heck.

One drink couldn't hurt.
[Chuckles]

♪

This has
been the best night of my life.

Are you sure
you're not the genies?

Because it feels
like I'm the one

getting my wishes granted
right now.

STUPENDOUS: You're all right,
Zenobius.

I'm just worried about Hippo.

What if somebody chops him down
or he gets struck by lightning?

Or turn into a chair.

Or he gets wood-rot.

Or a woodworking class
uses him to practice cabinets.

Or he gets whittled
into the shape of a little boat.

ZENOBIUS: You're right.
You know what?

Rules be damned.

Friendship forever.

STUPENDOUS:
It was for a teensy bird.

SHLUB: I'm sorry you had
to see us fight like that.

PAST DELIRIA: Sorry?
That was incredible.

I've never seen myself
so riled up.

PAST SHLUB:
You really let me have it.

Here was I thinking
our relationship becomes perfect

and I become boring,

but it's messier
than I could have ever imagined.

Look at the resentment
I come to harbor!

PAST SHLUB: It's genius, really,
pretending things are OK

when actually
they're not at all.

PAST DELIRIA: Until everything
comes out in one giant blow-up.

PAST SHLUB:
What could be more dramatic?

PAST DELIRIA: Oh,
if this is where we're heading,

count me in.

PAST SHLUB: I agree.

Plus, I've never wanted
to coitus you so badly

as I do right now.

PAST DELIRIA: Well,
what are we waiting for?

SHLUB: Well,
Chronos, grab a drink?

CHRONOS: Wish I could,
but I am off to watch

the formation of the Milky Way.

SHLUB: The only way I know,
brother.

CHRONOS: Oh, I hate you all.

DELIRIA: [Howls]

SHLUB: Deliria,
I'm so glad you came back.

Just to confirm, though,

you're not actually mad at me,
right?

Because you were
very convincing.

DELIRIA: I might have
goosed my reaction

to get the message across.

So, you don't wish
you were still

more like the other Deliria?

You mean that dumb bitch

who was willing
to dump the monster,

who risked destroying
the entire universe

just to make her happy?

SHLUB: Darling,
I'd destroy a thousand universes

to make you happy.

DELIRIA: Cheers to another
wonderful year together.

Just this once.
SHLUB: Opa!

Wow, Zenobius,
you're such a good genie,

but an even better friend.

So, we're using our last wish

to wish you could stay here
with us for all time.

Make sure he knows we mean time,

the concept, not the herb.

We want to make sure
we're together forever.

No, you guys!

Are you sure you want
to waste your last wish on me?

Waste?
We love you, Zenobius.

Then your wish is my command.

Tyrannis?

Stupendous?

Hippocampus?
[Sighs]

Hello?

It's OK.
They'll be back.

They'll be back.

MAN: Did you get any of that?

MAN 2: Bento.