All language subtitles for Happily.Divorced.S02E01.DSR.FQM.en

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.Com/

Oh, come on, Fran.
Move.

You're the one who made us
come to this gym

in the first place
so we'll be in shape.

We only have
one more week left

before the reunion.

Well, I discussed it
with my ass,

and we decided
we're not going.

Come on.

The only one who needs to worry
about being judged is me.

I have to come out
to a whole room full of people.

It's our college
drama department.

The only two people
that didn't know you were gay

was me and you.

Oh.

I'm gonna feel that
tomorrow.

You're just gonna miss
a great opportunity

to see the old gang,
you know.

The only one
you're excited to see

is that guy Lenny
who had a crush on you

from that stupid
a cappella singing group

you belonged to.

Hey, there was nothing stupid
about the dip-pity dudes.

And, Franny, we all know why
you don't wanna go.

Yeah, 'cause "fat, poor,

and still living
with my gay ex-husband"

doesn't quite fit
on a name tag.

The other reason.

I don't know what you're
talking about.

- Fran.
- Peter.

- Fran.
- Judi.

Fran.

I don't have anything
against that bitch

Jill Harmon.

Oh, all right.

So I don't want to go
to the reunion

and have her flaunt her stupid,
perfect little blonde life

in my face,

when I have nothing
to flaunt!

Come on.
That's ridiculous, Fran.

You... you're the, uh...

You've got, uh...

We can make stuff up
in the car.

Exactly.
I've got nothing.

Uh, you got a week.

Something could come up.

What is going
to possibly pop up

that's gonna make me want
to go to that reunion

and face Jill?

[Grunts]

Fran?

Pop.

[Upbeat music]

♪ she was certain
that he was the one ♪

♪ and only ♪

♪ but their union always seemed
a little forced ♪

♪ she got married anyway ♪

♪ turns out
that he was gay ♪

♪ they're still in love ♪

♪ but now she's
happily divorced ♪

- Elliot, hi!
- Hey, Fran.

I didn't know
you were a member here.

Well, actually,
I'm a guest of a member.

- Who?
- You.

[Chuckles]

Well, it's the least I can do
after what happened in Vegas.

You know,
you never returned my calls.

I wanted to apologize.

For what?

For standing me up
at the Bellagio hotel

so I got so drunk I ended up
sleeping with my gay ex-husband,

thinking I was pregnant,
which I wasn't,

but not because
I'm not capable.

Please! Who remembers?

[Chuckles]

Peter, you're here, too.

Guest of a member?

Yes, and I thank you, sir.

Francine, may I speak
with you for a moment?

Ahem. Won't you excuse me
a second?

[Chuckles]

- What?!
- Get away from him.

I'm just saying hello.

It starts with hello,
and it ends with...

[Imitating Fran]
"Peter, why doesn't he love me?"

Shh!

I have nothing.

I just want to flaunt a rich,
handsome record producer

at the reunion
in Jill's face.

Absolutely not.

We have been
down this road before,

and I'm certainly not
gonna stand around and...

Aah!

[Thud]

Fran, I gotta say,
I'm glad we ran into each other.

And as far as
the guest passes go,

I'm glad that you and Peter...

- Hey.
- And Judi...

Are enjoying them.

Well, listen, I'm glad
that we ran into each other.

I mean, there's no reason why
we can't be friends.

I am so glad
you feel that way.

I would love us to be.

You know, we should have a cup
of coffee or something sometime.

How about Saturday night?

Oh, wait a minute.
No, no, no.

I can't, I can't.

I have my college reunion
that night.

But you know, since we're
talking about reunions,

it's always better to go
with a friend.

So if you're free...

Wow, this bag
is really packed.

You know,
the gym doesn't allow you

to take the towels home.

Oh, well, I don't like
that policy at all.

It's a good thing
I'm not a member.

Okay, a week from Saturday.
We're on for the reunion.

You're on, friend.

I'll pick you up at 7:00.

Okay. Oh, friend.

You know, about the reunion.

I was just thinking maybe...

Oh, forget it, forget it.
Never mind. Never mind.

Ask me anything.
I owe you.

Well, it's just that...

Oh, no, no, it's crazy.
It's stupid.

It's stupid.

- Okay.
- But since you owe me...

There's a gal that's gonna be
at the reunion.

Her name is Jill Harmon,
and she's got, you know,

the big-shot doctor husband
and the big house

and the big mouth that's gonna
tell me all about it.

So I was thinking
that maybe you and I

could pretend to be
a little bit more than friends

to, you know,
make Jill feel...

bad.

So you want me
to be, like, your, uh,

stud.

[Both laughing]

Or fiancé.
You know, just for the night.

Sounds like fun.

I didn't think that
you'd want...

Really?

Why not?
What's the dress code?

Oh, you know,
come as you are,

whatever you want,

in that black suit
that I love so much,

with the white crisp shirt
and the silver tie,

alligator shoes.

I don't have
alligator shoes.

Yeah, well,
you got a week.

Ahh.

Oh, my God.

Who died? Cousin Gittle?

Darling, darling,
sit down.

All right.

This is a family meeting.

We're going to say
a few things,

and then you're going to say
a few things,

and then it's over.

Ahem. "Your addiction
to Elliot has affected me

in the following ways."

Oh, my God.

Wait a minute.

This is about Mr. Elliot?

I thought her problem was booze,
smack, crack, or pot.

This is my lunch hour,
people.

Oh, crap.

My favorite restaurant
just pulled away.

I can't believe
you pulled this together

since I left the gym.

It takes you three hours
to coordinate

a trip to Costco.

Franny, this poor man

cannot take another breakup
with you and Elliot.

I can't. I can't.

I never thought
I'd say this,

but I want to go
back to work.

All right.
Genug already.

You don't have to worry
about me.

I'm a big girl.

Sit!

Sweetheart, the man
will break your heart.

The bastard
never came through

with those
courtside laker tickets.

Promises were made!

I'm only taking Elliot
to show up Jill Harmon.

Ohh.

You never said
that bitch was going.

Dori, don't fall for it.

She's just using Jill
to get Elliot back.

You know how
her sick mind works.

Excuse me,
but I think that I know

how my sick mind works.

Any feelings
that I had for Elliot

are long gone.

I am only taking Elliot
to the reunion

as a friend.

[Upbeat swing music]

Did Jill just walk in?

Oh, sorry.
My mistake.

You know,
you look really great tonight.

Oh, you don't have to say
nice things to me

until Jill gets here.

Although practice makes perfect.

[Chuckles]

I don't have to practice
to tell you

you look beautiful.

[Giggles]
That's nice.

[Coughing obnoxiously]

♪ Lenny ♪

[harmonizing]
♪ Peter ♪

[harmonizing]
♪ Lenny ♪

Oh, my God!

Peter, I haven't seen you
since the dip-pity dudes.

How you been?

Gay.

Wait, what?

But I thought
you were married to Fran.

We got divorced
'cause I'm gay.

How 'bout you, Playah?

You still down
in Laguna beach

teaching spin classes?

How was Italy?

It was good.

How do you know
all this about me?

Mylife.Com.

That's how I stay connected
to you.

I mean, everyone.

I mean, well,
not everyone.

Come on, Lenny.
You think I have time

to sit at a computer
and look up the details

of everyone's private life?

[Chuckling]

How's your new puppy?

Is he still pooping
in your shoes?

[Music ends]

Why don't I go
get us some drinks?

Okay, hurry.

You're falling
down that Elliot hole.

It's called acting, Judi.

You forget what a good actress
I was in college.

Franny, I've seen you
in west side story.

And the audience yelled,
"forget Tony! Shoot her!"

Everyone's a critic.

Meanwhile, would you just
keep a lookout

for that pain in the ass...

Jill!

Fran!

Both:
Mwah! Mwah!

Oh, Fran, of all the people
here tonight,

you're the one
I really wanted to see.

Why?

Well, look.

I know that we've had
our issues over the years,

but, Fran, when I heard
what happened to your marriage,

my heart just broke.

But look at you!

I mean, if that had happened
to me,

I'd have gained a lot more
weight than you did.

Well, thank you, Jill.

And look at you.

You look younger
than you did in college.

Oh, well.

I'm gonna need the number

of that doctor of yours
for when I'm ready.

Oh, I've never had
any work done.

[Laughing]
Oh, Jill Harmon.

You're still the best actress
in school.

[Chuckles]

Well, it's actually
harmon-kupperman now,

surgeon's wife.

20 years, six karats,

two perfect children.

Oh, Jill,
I'm so happy for you.

No one deserves it,
especially you.

So what have you been doing

since your husband chose men
over you?

Well, mostly,
I've been doing...

Him.

Yes, Jill harmon-kupperman,

meet Elliot,
coldplay producer fiancé.

- Fiancé?
- Mm-hmm.

Jill, very nice
to meet you.

Here's your drink, sweetie.

- Thanks, baby.
- Mm.

So where's your ring?

Oh, um,
well, I don't...

Really like wearing it
so much

because it's so flashy.

So we're having it made
into a necklace...

Earrings...

And a tiara.

I love you.

I love you.

Jill, may I get you
a glass of champagne?

Oh, that would be lovely.

So, uh,
where's your fella?

Well, the last time
I saw him,

he was taking off
in a chopper

with a liver,

to save a life.

He's tired,
but he'll try to come.

Elliot comes
whether he's tired or not.

So, Lenny, it's been so great
catching up with you

and telling you I'm gay.

I need you.

Later.
I'm talking with Lenny.

Love you to meet
my wife, Elaine.

And his wife elai...

48 pictures
of his pooping puppy,

and not one damn picture
of his big ol' straight wife.

Come on.

Oh, I can't believe

I finally beat Jill
at something.

I mean, did you see the look
on her face

when she saw you and me...
Mm? Mm.

What are you two doing
in here?

What are you doing
out there?

It is so obvious that you're
still in love with Elliot,

the way you're
looking at him,

holding him.

Ooh, you get a couch?

Peter, focus.

Now, Fran, let's be real.

You know the reason
you asked Elliot...

Because you knew
in the back of your mind

you were hoping
that you'd be dancing

and listening
to romantic music

and looking
into each other's eyes,

and he'd say, "I love you,
and I want you back."

That was your plan.

And it worked.

He's pretending, Fran.

You asked him to be
a fake fiancé

to impress Jill Harmon.

That's all he's doing.

He's faking it.

Look, I was on the other side
of that kiss.

I know when a man
is faking.

Most of the time.

All right.

That's it!

You want to go
down this road,

you're going down alone.

No more me.

I'm not gonna be there
to pick up the pieces.

Well, you won't have to,
Peter,

because Elliot wants me back.

And if you don't believe me,

I'm gonna march myself
right out there

and prove it to me.

[Sighs]

Sorry you had to hear me lose
my temper like that, Judi,

but that was tough love.

[Whispers]
Smells so good in here.

Elliot, there's something
important that I want

to talk to you about,

something that Peter and I
were talking about

- in the ladies' room.
- Yeah?

God, that doesn't even
phase you anymore.

Well, you know,
tonight was really amazing,

wasn't it?

Amazing. Better than I could
ever imagine.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, the dancing and...
And the kissing.

It was kinda like
old times, right?

I know.

Who knew we could do all that
and still just be friends?

I know. That's...

That's exactly
what I was saying

to Peter and Judi
in the ladies' room,

because they didn't think
that we could just be friends.

- Are you kidding me?
- Oh.

They thought that,
you know,

you were beginning
to fall for me,

and I... I said...

I said, "Judi, Peter."

[Laughs tensely]

You know, I mean,
they're such dopes.

Yeah.

I tell you what,
let's go back out there

and give it to her again.

Oh, no, no.

I, uh...
Mission accomplished.

You were so believable.

And the Oscar goes to...

- ♪ ta-da ♪
- [Chuckles]

Let's hit the pancake house
before I drop you off.

Oh, no, no.

Um, you know, Peter needed
the jaws of life

just to get me
in this dress, so...

But you can go.
You can go.

And... and I'll see you
at the gym, my friend.

Okay.

Mwah.

See ya.

Is this seat taken?

No.

Rough night?

You think?

What can I get you
to drink?

Oh, I don't know.
About this much.

[Laughs]

You know, I couldn't help
overhearing a little bit.

I just don't see
how it's possible

for any guy to be
just friends with you.

Oh, well, lucky me.

I found the one.

Actually, the two.

Well, they're both crazy,

letting a beautiful woman
like you get away.

Oh, thank you.

Ahh.

Well, I don't know
if it's the booze

or the things you're saying,
but...

I feel a little better.

Look.

I'm not the kind of guy
that hits on vulnerable women.

But I am the kind of guy

that hits on
beautiful women.

So when you're ready,

give me a call.

Well, what's your name?

Frank!

Fran, I see you've met
my husband.

You're her...

Husband, yes.

Her husband.

Isn't he something?

He sure is.

Angel, why don't I go get us
some dessert, beautiful?

- Aww, you're so sweet.
- [Chuckles]

Sometimes I think
I don't deserve him.

Oh, but you do.

Well, I guess I'll see you
in another ten years.

Nice running into you.

I know, Fran.

What do...
What do you know?

I know what he did.

You're not the first.

Well, I... I don't know
what you're talking about,

and nobody else needs
to know, either.

Thank you.

You know, Jill...

You don't have to stay
with him.

You're better than that.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Fran, look.

I... I overheard everything
you said in the bathroom,

and I told everyone
at the reunion.

Well, maybe you're not.

Oh, honey.

I'm just such a bitch.

[Sighs]

Hey.

Oh, hi.

- Thought you might be chilly.
- Why?

Because your zipper split,
and you're backless now.

So...

Elliot?

Friend.

- Lenny?
- Straight.

Jill?

Bitch.

Pancakes.

Both:
Yes.

You know, Petey,

nobody's life is perfect.

But ours is pretty good.

Yeah, it is.

I never had to worry about you
hitting on other women

because you're a good person.

Well, that's one
of the reasons.

You know,
I feel better.

I'm glad that we don't have
anything to hide.

Everything's out
in the open.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.Com/