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1
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:33,207
I love you.
2
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:37,080
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.
3
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,082
Will you marry me?
4
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:44,087
Baby,
5
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,611
baby--
6
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:49,223
Baby, your breath
smells like dog food.
7
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:53,096
[ Panting ]With just a hint
of rottweiler butt.
8
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,446
You're on notice, Rocco.
9
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:58,188
When Felicia moves in,
you have to clean up your act.
10
00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:00,538
Bon appétit. ♪ Whoa
11
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:03,541
♪ I feel good
12
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:07,110
♪ I knew that I would, now
13
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:10,287
♪ I feel good
14
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:13,334
♪ I knew that I would, now
15
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:17,599
♪ So good, so good
16
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,601
♪ I got you
17
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:23,735
♪ Whoa, I feel nice
18
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,564
♪ Like sugar and spice
19
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:30,177
♪ I feel nice
20
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:34,181
♪ Like sugar and spice
21
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:37,358
♪ So nice, so nice
22
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,969
♪ I got you
23
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,893
♪ When I hold you
in my arms ♪♪
24
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:53,896
I have a very big surprise
for you.
25
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:56,246
A very big surprise.
26
00:01:56,290 --> 00:02:01,121
I know you're dying to know,
but I'm not gonna tell you,
no matter how much you beg.
27
00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:04,385
Nope.
Not even a hint.
28
00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:17,180
Wow! This is
incredible, Jerry!
29
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:20,096
What's this all about?
30
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,840
Felicia,
from the first moment
I met you,
31
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:28,017
[ Groans ]
I-- I mean, uh--
32
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:31,194
From the first moment
I saw you, I, uh--
33
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:34,066
Uh, wh-what I'm trying
to say, Felicia, is--
34
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,808
You're lookin' sick
all of a sudden.
Are you all right?
35
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,246
Motion sickness.Oh.
36
00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:42,205
The reason why
I brought you out here is...
37
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,773
to tell you, to say--
38
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:47,036
Mm-hmm.
39
00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:49,212
to ask, communicate--
40
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:52,563
Would you just
spit it out?
41
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:57,089
[ Gasping ]
Oh, I'm sorry, baby!
I didn't mean it!
42
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,831
Don't cover me in puke
and try and call me "baby."
43
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,225
I'll make it up
to you, Felicia!
44
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:05,489
Will you marry me?No!
45
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,840
Oh, thank you!
You've made me
the happiest-- What?
46
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:11,756
I met someone.Met someone?
47
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,716
Andre and I
have all the things
that we don't, Jerry.
48
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,718
Andre?I introduced you once.
49
00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:19,111
He details my BMW.
50
00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:23,768
You dump me for a guy
who goes to work in a jumpsuit
and rubber boots?
51
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:28,556
Andre and I connect
on a level that you and I
just never could.
52
00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:31,559
Jerry, I'm so sorry.
53
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:46,661
[ Sighs ]
She dumped us, Rocco.
54
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:50,447
I know you don't care.
You can lick your own balls.
[ Chuckles ]
55
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,277
[ Sighs ]
56
00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:08,248
[ Beeping ]
57
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,092
[ Ringing ]
58
00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,834
[ Answering Machine Clicking ] [ Jerry On Tape ]
I'm not in.
59
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,924
Leave a message
or don't leave a message.
Whatever.
60
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:35,362
[ Man ]
Hello, Jerry. It's me.
Pick up.
61
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,625
Dude, I know you're there.
62
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:40,280
Quit acting like a little kid.
You're so immature!
63
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,543
Pick up now
or I'm gonna fart
into the phone.
64
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:47,765
Leave me alone.
I'm wallowing
in self-pity.
65
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:50,768
It's time to rejoin
the living, Jerry.
We're going out tonight.
66
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:53,554
- Not interested.
- Saddle up the old
baloney pony.
67
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:57,775
It's Operation
Storm the Foxholes.
China Club, 2100 hours.
68
00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,517
Our objective?
Penetrate the enemy.
69
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,564
Stop calling me.
I'm not going.This is nonnegotiable.
70
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,306
Either meet me tonight
or I'm gonna ask out
your sister.
71
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:09,265
She'll go out with me
'cause she's freaky like that.
We both know her.
72
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,181
Ragoni, hang up.
The toilet's stuffed up.I got a code-three emergency.
73
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,531
Buddy, I gotta go.
See you.
74
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,803
Thanks for fitting me in
today, Daniel.
75
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:28,110
I'mso tight.
76
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:41,515
Go really deep this time.
77
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,050
Give it to me harder.
78
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,447
Harder.
79
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:05,016
Harder.
80
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,503
Harder.
81
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:19,030
- [ Muscles Cracking ]
- Come on, Daniel.
82
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:23,252
Is this the best
you can do?[ Sighs, Panting ]
83
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,518
Ragoni, what the hell
are you doing?[ Screams ]
84
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,912
I was just
warmin' her up for you!
85
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:35,090
♪♪ [ Dance ]
86
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,527
♪♪ [ Continues ]
87
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:41,531
Marshall,
is that you?Nick! Hey!
88
00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:44,447
Long time no see!
How you doin'?
89
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,363
You've got to give me
the name of your new
escort service.
90
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,975
Oh, cut it out, Nick.
This is my fiancée, Sheri.
91
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:54,065
She ain't no escort skank.
She and I are in love.
92
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:56,285
That's right.
93
00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:59,810
Marshall here's the most
interesting and exciting man
I've ever met.
94
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:04,075
- And he's a wonderful lover.
- Oh, I get it. She's retarded.
95
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:08,384
She's one of the sharpest
bartenders at Hooters.Oh, Marshy!
96
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,170
Excuse me, fellas.
I'm gonna go trim
the landing strip.
97
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:15,913
Ooh! And classy too.
98
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:20,352
We met on a cruise.
There's just something about
the ocean air, the sun.
99
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:24,095
It really makes it easy
to meet people.
We connected right away.
100
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:26,837
Very first night.With her?
101
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:29,449
Very first night?Yeah!
102
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:33,322
And there are dozens of women
just as friendly as her
on board.
103
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,543
Dude, I gotta tell you,
whatever you're doing,
take a week off...
104
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,893
and get yourself
on one of those boats.
105
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:43,375
There was a line at the can.
Honey, can we skip dinner?
106
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:47,379
You look so hot,
you got me in the mood
for take-out in bed.
107
00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:50,600
[ Both Moaning ]
108
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,560
Tongue.
109
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,261
- Ooh!
- Wow!
110
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,749
Wasn't that
crazy Marshall Geller,
111
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:11,752
the guy who
used to work in our
high school cafeteria?
112
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:14,319
Nope. That was
crazy Marshall Geller,
113
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,408
my new personal hero.
114
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,628
Dude, let's bolt.
115
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,718
Hanging around
some stupid bar
is no place to meet women.
116
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:24,895
What are you talkin' about?
You've been begging me
to come here for months.
117
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:27,115
Jerry, buddy,
118
00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:29,117
trust me.
119
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,990
I have seen the light. ♪ Come on, gettin' on down
120
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,384
♪ Get on down
121
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,473
♪ Get on, get on down
122
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,607
♪ Get on down, come on
Go, go down ♪
123
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,653
♪ Get on down
124
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:47,048
♪ Go, go down
Get on down, come on ♪
125
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,572
♪ Go, go down ♪
126
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,316
[ Mutters ]
127
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,456
Aw, son of a bitch! [ Horn Honks ]
128
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,850
That was my space!Fuck you!
129
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,461
Fuck you right back,
buddy.Nick, back off.
130
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,812
I don't want to see
an out-of-shape slob
get his butt kicked.
131
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,814
He ain't that
out of shape.I'm talkin' about you!
132
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:17,078
You break a sweat
changing your shoes.Oh, stop. Bite me!
133
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,036
- Blow me!
- Kiss my ass!
134
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,299
- Fuck your mother!
- Oh, yeah?
135
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,650
No one would want
to fuck my mother
'cause she's too ugly!
136
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,956
Think I lost that one.Oh, yeah.
137
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:33,442
Okay, it's the seven-day,
six-night fun in the sun
singles package...
138
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:36,053
with the standard three-to-one
female-to-male ratio.
139
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:39,927
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Just as the doctor ordered,
right, buddy?
140
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,625
I don't know, Nick.
I don't think
I'm ready for this.
141
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:45,541
Come on!
It's been six months!
142
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:49,458
I don't like the sun,
and I get seasick.
143
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:52,417
- Hmm.
- I don't know what to say
to strange women.
144
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:55,116
We're not going for
the discourse. We're going
for the intercourse!
145
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:59,599
Sex! That's all
you ever think about!
Sex, sex, sex, sex!
146
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,513
- We'll take it.
- Ha-ha-ha!
147
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,559
There you go.Excellent.
148
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,911
Oh, Larry.
You're still here.
149
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,610
Mm-hmm.Your mother died.
150
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,874
- What? When?
- This morning.
151
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:17,051
I'm sorry. I thought
you got my Post-it.
152
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,227
[ Larry ]
Okay, thanks, Michael.
153
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:22,839
All right. Gentlemen,
I might want you to consider
this stateroom right here.
154
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:26,016
It's a little bit larger--
155
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,981
Um, would you excuse me
for just a moment?
156
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,896
Brian, help!
[ Sobbing ]
157
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:39,682
[ Bawling ]
Mama!
158
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,554
[ Crying Continues ]
Oh, God!
159
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:45,122
- You!
- Fuck you, pal!
160
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,777
- Fuck you back.
- Fuck your mother!
- Oh, yeah?
161
00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:50,998
- No one would fuck my mother
'cause she's too ugly!
- We've been through this!
162
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:56,003
- Excuse me. What seems
to be the problem here?
- This guy-- pecker face.
163
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:59,093
This guy's a jerk.All right, Brian.
You know what? Enough.
164
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:02,444
Let me handle this.
Check on the ski packages.Yeah.
165
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:05,752
Over near the Maui
getaways. Remember?
Since the changeover?
166
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:09,190
Yeah, I got 'em.I am so sorry.
167
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:12,236
Brian's had a little problem
with the-- and the--
168
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,238
and the-- and the--
169
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:17,459
Oh. Yeah, bad news.
170
00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:21,724
But now he's doing fine.
He's doing a lot of great work
with unwed teenage mothers.
171
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:25,510
[ Chuckles ]
So-- All right.
172
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,730
[ Clears Throat ]
Let's see.
173
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:30,820
Seven-day, six-night
vacation cruise.
Is that correct?
174
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,779
That's the one, yeah.Right.
175
00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:35,042
Yeah.Right.
176
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:37,348
Okay.
177
00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:43,528
You guys are set,
gentlemen.
178
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:47,663
I think you'll
have a very good time.
Pleaseenjoy your vacation.
179
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,231
Thank you very much.
And you should probably
do something about that guy.
180
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:53,800
Don't worry. I've already
taken care of it.Good.
181
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:57,020
And hey,
I'm a letter writer.
182
00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:00,284
Duly noted.All right.
183
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,726
Bye-bye, now.
184
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,989
I'm too upset
to work ski packages.
185
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,339
I can't believe
you took care of them.
186
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:13,820
I took care of them,
all right.
187
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:17,258
'Cause no one calls
my little pecker
a pecker.
188
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,521
Huh?Yeah.
189
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,218
Yeah.[ Giggling ]
190
00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:32,752
Wow! Look at the size
of that thing!
191
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,798
And just think--
it's filled with
available women.
192
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,714
Yeah,
and here's the beauty part
of the whole thing.
193
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,456
They can't get away from us.
We'll be in the middle
of the ocean.
194
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:44,328
They can try,
but they'll drown
or get eaten by sharks.
195
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:47,244
It's perfect!
196
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,770
You know, sometimes
I think there's something
seriously wrong with you.
197
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:54,208
I can live with that.
[ Guffawing ]
198
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:57,515
Excuse me.
Can I ask you something? Yes.
199
00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,823
You board everybody
on this ship, right?Yes, sir.
200
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,608
Let me ask you a question,
guy-to-guy.
201
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:07,787
Is there a lot of
sweet ass on this ship?I'm sure you'll be very happy.
202
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,745
Yes!
Hear that, Jer?Hey, hey!
203
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,530
All righty!Whoo!
204
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:16,447
A boat filled with
hot, beautiful women!
205
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:20,147
Yes!Awesome, awesome
awesome!
206
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,671
Can't you just feel
the sexy, lovely creatures...
207
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,760
boarding this love boat
as we speak?
208
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,893
Watch out!
I'm comin'!♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
209
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,156
♪ Bee-ba, ba-ba, bee-ba ♪
210
00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:33,203
Yeah, yeah. Whoo!Nick, you're right!
This is great!
211
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,597
Yeah, you know!
212
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,773
[ Nick Yells ]
Hey, what's up?
213
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,775
How you doin'?Ooh!
214
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,822
Yeah! All right!
215
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,041
Friendly crowd, huh?Oh, yeah.
216
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,827
Don't you ever
doubt me!
217
00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,968
What the hell
was that?
218
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:02,624
Well, uh--
Onboard entertainment.
219
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,801
You know?
I bet Cirque du Soleil's
here, like Vegas!
220
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,717
Oh, cool.Right?
221
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,719
[ Sighs ]
222
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,764
Hey! How are ya?
223
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:22,731
There it is--
stateroom 211.
224
00:14:22,774 --> 00:14:25,908
The number that will be
on everyone's lips
by the end of the trip.
225
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,045
Let's do it.
226
00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:36,963
That's weird.
227
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:41,054
Only one bed.Oh, I know why.
228
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:45,667
'Cause we're gonna be having
so much sex, one guy's always
gonna be sleeping out.
229
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:50,063
Yeah, right. You better hope
that couch is more comfortable
than it looks.
230
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,370
There's a mirror
on the ceiling.
231
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:58,549
Excelente.
That way the babes
can watch me...
232
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:03,337
get my freak on!
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
233
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:06,470
Check this out, Jer.
Four racquetball courts.Hey!
234
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,472
Nine cocktail lounges.Ooh.
235
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:11,562
A casino.Six and eights
are running mates!
236
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:16,611
A video arcade.
Onboard chest-waxing salon.
237
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,701
Chest waxing?Yeah, of course.
238
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:22,095
For swimmin'.Let me see that.
239
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:29,537
"Club Socrates wants you
to know you'll be treated
like a queen."
240
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:34,063
You mean "king."Queen.
Says so right there.
241
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,721
That's weird.Hmm.
242
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,810
[ Knocking ]
243
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,986
Hello.
244
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,338
Ring, ring, ring.
Everybody conga!
245
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,340
♪♪ [ Radio: Salsa ]♪♪ [ Humming ]
246
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:54,083
♪ Everybody party
Party, party, party ♪
247
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:57,304
♪ 5:00 today Yeah, baby!
248
00:15:57,347 --> 00:16:01,134
I told you, Jer.
This boat is wild!
249
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,050
Where's the party,
sweet thing?Stateroom 209.
250
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:07,488
Ooh!
Stateroom 209. Hey!
251
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:11,971
[ Low Voice ]
It's casual.
[ Purring ]
252
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:18,499
[ Horn Blowing ]
253
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:23,286
To fresh scratches
on our backs.
254
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:27,203
- Scotch and soda, please.
- Coming right up, sir.
255
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,553
♪♪ [ Woman Singing ]
256
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:32,034
Oh, please!
257
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:35,385
Why do they always
have to play Liza?
258
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,345
I don't know.
I kind of like Liza
with a "Z."
259
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:41,087
Yeah, she's kinda cool
for makin' out.
260
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:45,178
I prefer Johnny Mathis
myself.
261
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:48,703
Yeah, if you're gonna
make out with a dude.
262
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:55,275
That is very funny.
263
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:58,930
[ Sighs ]
My name is Faversham.
Lloyd Faversham.
264
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,150
Nick Ragoni.Nick.
265
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,109
Jerry.
It's your first cruise?
266
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,328
No, my third.
And you?
267
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,201
- Número uno.
- Oh.
268
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,899
Then you are going to
positively adore it.
269
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:15,469
- It is one wild, decadent week.
- That's why we're here, right?
270
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,601
All-night parties.Excellent.
271
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:20,952
- Midnight skinny-dipping.
- Sign me up!
272
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,607
And if you're into it,
lots of sex,
273
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,957
sex, sex.
274
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,482
You hear that, Jer?
All the sex
a man could want.
275
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:32,399
Well, then you must visit
the hole-in-one room.
276
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:35,358
Oh, they have
an onboard driving range.
277
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:39,841
Some of the chaps down there
do swing some very large clubs.
278
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:43,540
Hmm.You two have
an open relationship?
279
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:46,195
Open? What do you mean
by "open relationship"?
280
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,415
I mean, do you date?
281
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,374
Of course we date.
That's why we're here.Yeah!
282
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:56,162
That's absolutely wonderful.
We must get together sometime,
go for a midnight swim.
283
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,860
Do whatever feels right.
284
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:02,777
That is what a gay cruise
is all about.
285
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:06,041
♪♪ [ Liza Minnelli
Continues Singing ]
286
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,565
I see.
287
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,741
Hear that, Jerry?
288
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:14,484
We can do
whatever we want,
whatever feels right.
289
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:18,314
That's what
a gay cruise
is all about.
290
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:21,404
Whatever we want to do,
we can do it...
291
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,754
because
it's a gay cruise.
292
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:28,455
It's a gay cruise, Jerry!
Not a bi cruise!
It's a gay cruise!
293
00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:31,588
Capital "G," capital "A,"
capital "Y-M-C-A"...
294
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,808
gay cruise, Jerry!
295
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,158
Damn, damn, damn!
296
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:39,292
I wonder how many other people
made the same mistake I did.
297
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,165
No one! Shit!
298
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,429
Jerry!
Don't worry, buddy!
299
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:50,912
I'm bringing you back home.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
Let's go!
300
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,221
Help! Help!
Somebody help us!
301
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,658
We're straight!
302
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:01,357
We're straight!Hey! Nick!
303
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:05,144
Stop acting like a jerk!
We'll figure this out.
304
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:08,843
- What are we gonna do?
We gotta get off this boat.
- Ooh!
305
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,802
We gotta get off!
Excuse me, sir. You know where
we can get off real quick?
306
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:15,197
Try the hole-in-one room.I'm starting to think that's
not a real driving range.
307
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,199
In fact,
I'm convinced of it.
308
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,897
Damn it, damn it,
damn it, damn it!
309
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,335
We're trapped like rats!
310
00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,383
What?
311
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:30,081
I checked our itinerary.
312
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:33,041
We don't dock
for four days.
313
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:37,480
- Why do I ever listen to you?
- Are you implying that this
is somehow my fault?
314
00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:40,135
Oh, I'm not implying it.
I'm saying it.
315
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,660
If you hadn't insulted
that travel agent, none of this
would've happened!
316
00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:46,533
Maybe there's
another explanation.
317
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,796
Yeah? What?
318
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:52,016
Maybe that travel agent thought
he was doing youa favor...
319
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,324
because, uh, you know--
320
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:58,806
- Because what?
- Because you're a little femme,
that's why!
321
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,548
You always dress real nice,
you're in shape, you're neat!
322
00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:04,638
Oh, and you use those
pastel-colored balls
at the bowling alley.
323
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:08,076
Don't think that
got past me!
324
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:14,125
You're an idiot,
a thickheaded moron!
325
00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:17,216
Felicia was right.
I should've dumped
your ass years ago!
326
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:20,001
If you wanted to dump
someone's ass years ago,
it should've been Felicia's!
327
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,264
Oh!That chick
was Satan's sister.
328
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,266
Yeah, devil
with a "D" cup!
329
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:28,444
Felicia was as frosty a bitch
as I've ever seen!I'm gonna kill ya!
330
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:31,708
I'm gonna kill you![ Grunting ]
331
00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:35,321
I knew I heard
choo-chi, pom-pom time!
332
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541
- Choo-choo-choo-choo!
- Don't get the wrong idea!
333
00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:41,631
Oh, Hector always
get the wrong idea.
334
00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,547
That is why he's
no longer welcome
in the state of Missouri.
335
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:46,984
Buddy, you pranced
into the wrong cabin.
336
00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:50,161
My friend and I--
We're not gay.Huh.
337
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:53,730
[ Sputters, Laughs ]
Ring-ring! Hold the phone.
338
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:57,038
- You're telling me
you two guys are not gay.
- That's right.
339
00:20:57,081 --> 00:21:01,085
Oh, pull Hector's other leg.
It's got bells on it.
340
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,479
I'm getting out of here.
341
00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:08,441
Gee, what hasn't
gotten into him?
342
00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,750
Out!
343
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,578
♪♪ [ Piano ] [ Men ]
♪ Whoa, here he comes
344
00:21:15,622 --> 00:21:18,755
♪ Watch out, boy
He'll chew you up ♪
345
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:21,497
♪ Whoa, here he comes
He's a maneater ♪
346
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:24,413
♪ Whoa, here he comes
347
00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:26,720
♪ Watch out, boy
He'll chew you up ♪
348
00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:30,724
♪ Whoa, here he comes
He's a maneater ♪
349
00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,987
♪ I wouldn't
if I were you ♪♪
350
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,517
[ Applause ]
351
00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:45,086
[ Man ] Bachelor Number Two,
what's the most unusual place
that you ever made love?
352
00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:49,308
Well, once I did it
in a dressing room
at International Male.
353
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:52,180
Right. And how 'bout you,
Bachelor Number Three?
354
00:21:52,223 --> 00:21:55,052
What's the most unusual place
that you ever made love?
355
00:21:55,096 --> 00:21:58,795
- Inside a woman.
- [ Audience Laughing ]
356
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,754
[ Groans ]
357
00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:09,632
Hey, who we gotta screw
to get a drink around here?
358
00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:12,461
[ Snickering ]
Whoop.
359
00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:16,117
Oop.
360
00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:20,164
Ooh. Ooh.Hey, buddy, you okay?
361
00:22:21,949 --> 00:22:23,690
Do I look gay?
362
00:22:25,692 --> 00:22:29,086
Never saw an old,
gay grandpa before.
363
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,828
Aah.Whoo-hoo.
364
00:22:37,704 --> 00:22:40,402
Where are all
the gay people at?
365
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:42,273
Y'all always supposed to
wanna party.
366
00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:45,276
Oops. Oop.
367
00:22:46,539 --> 00:22:48,889
Ooh!
368
00:23:09,910 --> 00:23:12,086
[ Gasps ]
369
00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,399
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine!
370
00:23:32,149 --> 00:23:36,110
[ Thinking ]
Men on dates, holding hands,
touching, kissing.
371
00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:38,852
I can't take it.
Gotta think.
372
00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:41,855
Not good at it.
Took too much shop
in high school.
373
00:23:43,204 --> 00:23:46,555
[ Helicopter Whirring ]
374
00:23:48,165 --> 00:23:51,038
Help! Pick me up!
375
00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:53,649
Get me out of here!
376
00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:56,347
Hey, drop down a ladder!
377
00:23:56,391 --> 00:23:58,567
I like girls! [ Passing Overhead ]
378
00:23:58,611 --> 00:24:01,483
[ Wailing ]
379
00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:12,712
Please!
Please come back!
380
00:24:19,806 --> 00:24:22,983
[ Metal Banging ] [ Helicopter Sputtering ]
381
00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:25,507
Ohh!
382
00:24:25,551 --> 00:24:28,684
Oh, my-- [ Crashes Into Water ]
383
00:24:28,728 --> 00:24:30,469
Jesus!
384
00:24:38,999 --> 00:24:40,740
Oop.
385
00:24:49,313 --> 00:24:53,579
Flare gun. I don't know
anything about a flare gun.
I swear I was here all night.
386
00:24:53,622 --> 00:24:56,843
A flare gun? I don't know
anything about a flare gun.
I was here all night.
387
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:59,323
Flare gun?
I don't know nothing about
no stinking flare gun!
388
00:24:59,367 --> 00:25:01,151
[ Door Opening ]Oh, shit.
389
00:25:01,195 --> 00:25:05,504
Okay, here we are.
390
00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:08,419
You should go change now.
Where's your robe?
391
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,684
Okay.
392
00:25:11,727 --> 00:25:14,991
Okay, I give up!
I give up! I did it!
393
00:25:15,035 --> 00:25:18,995
Hey, Jer.
How was your evening?
394
00:25:19,039 --> 00:25:23,086
Hi. Your friend had
a little too much
to drink.
395
00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:25,088
She thinks I'm drunk.
396
00:25:25,132 --> 00:25:28,483
Ah, Nicky, Nicky!All right, all right.
397
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,225
I fell in the pool!Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
398
00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:34,184
[ Nick ]
Ah, you're sitting
on my balls!
399
00:25:34,228 --> 00:25:36,535
Okay, um, I'm gonna
leave you two alone.
400
00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,798
Good night.Oh, you're gettin' me
all wet.
401
00:25:38,841 --> 00:25:40,756
[ Nick Groans ]
402
00:25:45,892 --> 00:25:49,548
Jerry! Wake up!
I'm starvin'.
403
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:53,247
Come on, Jerry. [ Snoring ]
404
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:56,772
Dude, don't make me
go up there by myself.
Get up.
405
00:25:56,816 --> 00:25:58,861
Jerry!
406
00:25:58,905 --> 00:26:02,517
Screw it.
What am I afraid of?[ Snoring ]
407
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,867
How gay
could a buffet be?
408
00:26:04,911 --> 00:26:08,131
♪♪ [ Instrumental ]
409
00:26:35,202 --> 00:26:37,421
Is this seat taken?Actually--
410
00:26:37,465 --> 00:26:40,860
I hate dining alone.
Bet you feel the same way too.I'm okay with it.
411
00:26:40,903 --> 00:26:45,168
I see you took
the omelette, the waffles
and the flapjacks.
412
00:26:45,212 --> 00:26:47,301
Hungry little man,
aren't you?
413
00:26:47,344 --> 00:26:50,957
Would you care for
a bite of my sausage?
414
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,656
In England,
we call them bangers.Eww!
415
00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:57,790
Captain,
could you come over here
a minute, please?
416
00:26:57,833 --> 00:27:00,662
Captain,
there's a small craft
off the starboard bow...
417
00:27:00,706 --> 00:27:03,665
that's trying to get
our attention.
[ Grunts ]
418
00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:06,799
[ All Yelling ]
Help! Help!
419
00:27:06,842 --> 00:27:10,411
Somebody save us!
Somebody save us! Help!
420
00:27:12,456 --> 00:27:14,981
Jesus!
Sound the alarm.
421
00:27:15,024 --> 00:27:18,332
All hands on dick.
Deck.
422
00:27:18,375 --> 00:27:20,290
Deck!
423
00:27:27,602 --> 00:27:29,604
Hot tea?
424
00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:34,043
Why don't you
have a seat?
425
00:27:34,087 --> 00:27:35,828
For you.
426
00:27:44,271 --> 00:27:46,447
Oh, my God!
427
00:27:49,798 --> 00:27:52,714
- I must be dreaming.
Somebody pinch me.
- Sure. My pleasure.
428
00:27:52,758 --> 00:27:55,717
Ow! I didn't say
on my ass!
429
00:27:55,761 --> 00:27:59,025
You didn't notsay it.I didn't think
I had to specify.
430
00:27:59,068 --> 00:28:01,897
Jesus.
431
00:28:05,596 --> 00:28:08,991
Nick, Nick!
You gotta help me out.
432
00:28:09,035 --> 00:28:11,733
Remember that woman that
dragged me to the room
last night?
433
00:28:11,777 --> 00:28:15,389
I can't get her off my mind.
She kissed me. Technically,
it was mouth-to-mouth.
434
00:28:15,432 --> 00:28:19,872
But it was fabulous.
I mean, I gotta find her.
I was so wasted la--
435
00:28:21,830 --> 00:28:25,399
Who are they?The answer to our prayers,
Jerry.
436
00:28:25,442 --> 00:28:27,923
Twelve of the most gorgeous
creatures I've ever seen.
437
00:28:27,967 --> 00:28:30,230
Ooh.But I'm not greedy.
438
00:28:30,273 --> 00:28:32,885
I'll share.
Go ahead.
439
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:36,192
Pick two.
440
00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:38,891
No.
This girl was fabulous.
441
00:28:38,934 --> 00:28:40,980
She's special.
I gotta find her.
442
00:28:45,811 --> 00:28:48,770
Ooh!
She's special, special.
443
00:28:57,039 --> 00:28:58,998
Hello.
444
00:28:59,041 --> 00:29:01,522
H-H-Hi.
445
00:29:01,565 --> 00:29:05,308
Who are you?I'm Nick Ragoni, the most
grateful man on the planet.
446
00:29:05,352 --> 00:29:08,572
I'm Inga.
Very pleasurable
to meet you.
447
00:29:08,616 --> 00:29:11,706
How'd you all get here?
448
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:16,058
We are the Swedish suntanning
team on our way to the Hawaiian
Tropics competition in bars.
449
00:29:16,102 --> 00:29:18,539
Some bonehead shot down
our helicopter.
450
00:29:18,582 --> 00:29:21,237
Coach had to make
water landing.
451
00:29:21,281 --> 00:29:24,675
I didn't think this was
gonna happen until I died
and went to heaven.
452
00:29:24,719 --> 00:29:28,201
It's lucky thing
we were picked up by a boat
full of homo boys.
453
00:29:28,244 --> 00:29:31,595
It would be terrible
to have straight men
hassling and ogling us...
454
00:29:31,639 --> 00:29:34,990
while we're trying to work
on our even tan lines.
455
00:29:36,339 --> 00:29:38,602
Oh, you're so right.
456
00:29:38,646 --> 00:29:41,475
Lucky I'm gay!
457
00:29:41,518 --> 00:29:45,827
I'm super gay. I'm mega--
I'm gay-normous!
458
00:29:45,871 --> 00:29:48,830
I'm so gay.
459
00:29:48,874 --> 00:29:53,661
But that's good,
'cause now you guys can
all feel comfortable...
460
00:29:53,704 --> 00:29:58,100
in front of me
and take off your tops
and stuff.
461
00:29:58,144 --> 00:30:01,016
And I can do this for you.
462
00:30:01,060 --> 00:30:04,324
I can put tanning oils
and creamy lotions...
463
00:30:04,367 --> 00:30:07,893
all over
your luscious bodies!
464
00:30:07,936 --> 00:30:10,765
And there won't be
any worries from you
because...
465
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:15,074
I'm so gay!
[ Laughs ]
466
00:30:15,117 --> 00:30:18,207
♪ When you need something
Don't stop, don't stop ♪ [ Nick Moaning ]
467
00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:21,732
Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby!
Yeah, baby!
468
00:30:21,776 --> 00:30:24,387
Almost finished! Yeah!
469
00:30:24,431 --> 00:30:27,956
[ Screaming ]
470
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,263
Okay, let's do the back.
471
00:30:30,306 --> 00:30:34,571
The first time I think
I realized I was gay...
472
00:30:34,615 --> 00:30:37,879
was when I was around 12,
in scouts.
473
00:30:37,923 --> 00:30:41,013
I really liked putting on
that kerchief.
474
00:30:41,056 --> 00:30:43,363
In fact, it was the only part
I liked about it.
475
00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:45,539
That and the nude swimming.
476
00:30:45,582 --> 00:30:49,891
Anyway, I hope you gals
all feel comfortable
around me!
477
00:30:49,935 --> 00:30:54,504
- [ All ] Ja,Nick.
- 'Cause I sure do feel
comfortable around you.
478
00:30:56,637 --> 00:31:00,249
All done! Who's next?
How 'bout you, Ursula?
479
00:31:00,293 --> 00:31:04,558
Ready for your second coat?
Uh-oh, these thighs look
a little dry.
480
00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:07,343
There we go.
[ Laughing ]
481
00:31:08,954 --> 00:31:11,913
- What do you want?
- [ Ferocious Growling ]
482
00:31:11,957 --> 00:31:14,437
What the hell is that?
483
00:31:14,481 --> 00:31:17,745
I got this from
that dude over there.
He's hot.
484
00:31:17,788 --> 00:31:20,791
You are no gay homo man.
485
00:31:20,835 --> 00:31:23,707
I am Sonya,
coach of tanning team.
486
00:31:23,751 --> 00:31:26,754
- What?
- Quiet! As long as these women
are in training,
487
00:31:26,797 --> 00:31:30,932
there will be no trouser snakes
near their hot, luscious po-pos!
488
00:31:30,976 --> 00:31:34,501
Put me down!
Coach of the tanning team.
That's ridiculous!
489
00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:36,764
If I want to talk
to any of these ladies,
I will,
490
00:31:36,807 --> 00:31:40,159
and there's not a damn thing
you can do to stop me!
491
00:31:40,202 --> 00:31:43,945
- Oh, yeah?
- [ Nick Screams, Groans ]
492
00:31:49,298 --> 00:31:53,476
[ Barks ]
What the hell
happened to you?
493
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,001
I died
and went to heaven,
494
00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:59,004
and then some muscle-bound
blond dwarf knocked me
back down to hell.
495
00:31:59,047 --> 00:32:02,094
- What?
- You know those 12
gorgeous hotties?
496
00:32:02,137 --> 00:32:06,011
- They got
a goddamn bodyguard.
- Oh.
497
00:32:06,054 --> 00:32:10,754
I can take disappointments,
Jer, but little Nicky,
498
00:32:10,798 --> 00:32:14,367
he's already known
such heartache
in his short life.
499
00:32:14,410 --> 00:32:17,370
Then I guess all three of us
struck out.
500
00:32:17,413 --> 00:32:20,764
I still can't find that girl.
I've looked everywhere.
501
00:32:20,808 --> 00:32:23,898
You know,
502
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:28,250
I've kissed Felicia for four
years and never felt anything
like I felt last night.
503
00:32:28,294 --> 00:32:31,862
That girl was special.
I gotta find her.
504
00:32:31,906 --> 00:32:34,865
You're abandoning me?
What am I supposed to do?
505
00:32:36,563 --> 00:32:40,741
It's a luxury cruise.
Not everything's
gay-oriented.
506
00:32:40,784 --> 00:32:43,744
[ Man ]
No more bets!
507
00:32:43,787 --> 00:32:45,746
Red three is the winner.
508
00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:49,532
[ Cackling ]
Beautiful.
509
00:32:49,576 --> 00:32:53,667
Poker.
This is gonna be sweet!
510
00:32:53,710 --> 00:32:56,626
These trouser pilots
are no match for a lusty
hetero like myself.
511
00:32:56,670 --> 00:32:59,499
This will be like
taking candy from a baby.
512
00:32:59,542 --> 00:33:02,284
Why is that?
Are gay men notoriously
bad gamblers?
513
00:33:02,328 --> 00:33:04,765
Awful!
They can't bluff.
514
00:33:04,808 --> 00:33:07,898
They look at cards,
they start giggling.
It's terrible.
515
00:33:07,942 --> 00:33:11,990
Nick, promise me you won't
act like a gay-bashing,
narrow-minded Neanderthal.
516
00:33:12,033 --> 00:33:13,992
Buddy,
you're talking to me.
517
00:33:14,035 --> 00:33:16,864
The lady, couple of ducks--
quack, quack-- possible flush.
518
00:33:16,907 --> 00:33:19,693
Hello, gays-- guys.
Mind if I join you?
519
00:33:19,736 --> 00:33:22,522
Sure thing, gorgeous.
520
00:33:22,565 --> 00:33:25,394
I can't remember--
does a straight
beat a flush?
521
00:33:25,438 --> 00:33:27,483
[ Cash Register Ringing ] [ Nick ]
Damn!
522
00:33:27,527 --> 00:33:31,357
- I really thought
I had that one.
- Listen, Nick.
523
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,186
I don't want you
to take offense, but can I
give you a piece of advice?
524
00:33:34,229 --> 00:33:36,275
What?Don't clear
your throat.
525
00:33:36,318 --> 00:33:39,017
What?
526
00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:42,455
Every time you bluff,
you clear your throat.I do?
527
00:33:42,498 --> 00:33:45,066
- Mm-hmm.
- Don't play the cards.
528
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:48,504
Play the players.[ Sighs ]
529
00:33:48,548 --> 00:33:52,726
All right, here we go.
Ante up, five in the chute,
three-card monte.
530
00:33:52,769 --> 00:33:55,772
Kings to win. Here we go.
Uh, and there's a winner.
531
00:33:55,816 --> 00:33:57,818
We got a winner.
532
00:34:09,221 --> 00:34:11,788
Hey, you.
533
00:34:11,832 --> 00:34:15,227
- [ Whimpers ]
- Unbelievable.
534
00:34:17,359 --> 00:34:19,579
That was embarrassing!
535
00:34:19,622 --> 00:34:22,582
They offer a pool
safety class on board.
You should check it out.
536
00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:24,714
Let me
give you a hand.
537
00:34:24,758 --> 00:34:27,108
I'm Gabriella.
538
00:34:31,025 --> 00:34:33,288
I'm-- I'm Jerry.
539
00:34:33,332 --> 00:34:36,987
♪♪ [ Humming ]
540
00:34:37,031 --> 00:34:39,773
Oh, boy!
541
00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:46,867
Hi.Hi!
542
00:34:46,910 --> 00:34:49,348
You like?
543
00:34:49,391 --> 00:34:51,350
Oh, yeah.
544
00:34:51,393 --> 00:34:54,222
Oh, the ice cream.
Yeah, that's okay.
545
00:34:54,266 --> 00:34:56,964
Coach would kill me
if she knew I broke training,
546
00:34:57,007 --> 00:34:59,009
but I no can help.
547
00:34:59,053 --> 00:35:01,142
I am--
What is the word?
548
00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:03,144
Oral.
549
00:35:03,188 --> 00:35:05,277
That's the word,
550
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,583
and what a wonderful word
it is.
551
00:35:07,627 --> 00:35:10,847
I'm so lonely.
552
00:35:10,891 --> 00:35:13,676
Coach is being very strict
about keeping us
away from men...
553
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:16,201
during tanning season.
554
00:35:16,244 --> 00:35:18,681
It's too bad
you're gay, Nick.
Good night.
555
00:35:18,725 --> 00:35:21,510
Inga,
wait, wait, wait.
556
00:35:21,554 --> 00:35:25,340
I've always been curious
about your country. You mind
if I ask you something?
557
00:35:25,384 --> 00:35:28,038
Yeah. What would you like
to know about, Nick?
558
00:35:28,082 --> 00:35:30,171
Our cities,
our lakes and rivers,
559
00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:32,869
our safe and sturdy
automobiles?
560
00:35:32,913 --> 00:35:37,047
I'm a big fan
of your cinema. I've rented
quite a bit of it.
561
00:35:37,091 --> 00:35:41,139
I've noticed your people's
progressive attitudes
towards premarital sex.
562
00:35:41,182 --> 00:35:43,837
So what I was
wondering is,
563
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,754
theoretically,
if my own sexual orientation
were to be--
564
00:35:47,797 --> 00:35:50,235
If you're asking if I'd sleep
with you if you were straight,
the answer is ja.
565
00:35:50,278 --> 00:35:52,846
Ja? Ja?
Jameans yes, right? Ja.
566
00:35:52,889 --> 00:35:55,283
Inga, I have a surprise
for you. I'm straight.
567
00:35:55,327 --> 00:35:59,896
I'm as straight
as a Volvo going down
an Oslo toll road.
568
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:02,116
Oslo is in Norway.
569
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,553
The point is,
we can make love.
570
00:36:04,597 --> 00:36:07,513
I know that's the best news
I've ever heard.
571
00:36:07,556 --> 00:36:10,733
I'm in cabin 4433.
Meet me in five minuten.
572
00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:14,607
You got it.
Five minuten.
573
00:36:14,650 --> 00:36:17,566
And not a minutenmore.
574
00:36:17,610 --> 00:36:21,353
Hello. Are there
any condoms available
on the ship?
575
00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:26,140
[ Knocking ]
576
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:28,273
Come in.
Door is open.
577
00:36:29,709 --> 00:36:32,233
Mm-hmm.
578
00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:35,367
Coach!
579
00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:38,457
Change in room assignments.
You bunk with Pia.
580
00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:41,851
- But why, Coach?
- You cannot be trusted
with mini bar.
581
00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:44,463
You are in training.But, Coach,
I eat nothing all day.
582
00:36:44,506 --> 00:36:47,683
You ate yesterday, ja? [ Loud Slap ]
583
00:36:47,727 --> 00:36:50,251
Your butt is disgusting.
Wait, I'd better double check.
584
00:36:50,295 --> 00:36:54,124
[ Gasping ] Ja.Disgusting.
585
00:36:54,168 --> 00:36:57,171
[ Gasping ]Both cheeks.
586
00:36:57,215 --> 00:37:01,436
Oh, ja, ja, ja.
Move it, fatty!
587
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,222
Knock it off
and go to bed.All right, Coach.
588
00:37:05,745 --> 00:37:07,964
Thank you for lending me
your jacket.
589
00:37:10,010 --> 00:37:12,882
- So what do you do
on this ship?
- I'm a dance teacher.
590
00:37:12,926 --> 00:37:15,537
Wow. Teaching dance
must be fun. It can be.
591
00:37:15,581 --> 00:37:18,061
You know, especially
on the gay cruises.
592
00:37:18,105 --> 00:37:21,369
- They're much more fun
than the straight ones.
- Why is that?
593
00:37:21,413 --> 00:37:25,199
You go on the straight cruises
and all you meet are these...
horny creeps.
594
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,897
Oh.
I got a friend like that.
595
00:37:27,941 --> 00:37:29,899
[ Sighs ]
596
00:37:29,943 --> 00:37:32,685
I bet men hit on you
all the time.
597
00:37:32,728 --> 00:37:34,904
You've got a hot ass.
598
00:37:36,732 --> 00:37:40,519
- Excuse me?
- Your ass-- it's hot.
599
00:37:42,129 --> 00:37:44,436
Thanks.
600
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:51,399
- Your butt's nothin'
to sneeze at either.
- Ooh.
601
00:37:51,443 --> 00:37:54,837
So... you must have
a boyfriend.
602
00:37:54,881 --> 00:37:57,579
No, no, no, no.
No boyfriend. Really?
603
00:37:57,623 --> 00:38:00,495
- Why not?
- Because every boyfriend
I've ever had...
604
00:38:00,539 --> 00:38:03,803
has turned out to be
a son of a bitch.
605
00:38:03,846 --> 00:38:08,155
Not every guy's a--I know what you're thinking.
I haven't met the right guy.
606
00:38:08,198 --> 00:38:11,767
Trust me, honey,
I've met every type out there
and it's pretty bad.
607
00:38:11,811 --> 00:38:14,204
Liars,
guys with two wives,
608
00:38:14,248 --> 00:38:17,817
guys with commitment issues,
guys with parole issues.
609
00:38:17,860 --> 00:38:20,298
You name it,
I've dated them all,
610
00:38:20,341 --> 00:38:22,952
which is why I'm so relieved
to be on this boat.
611
00:38:22,996 --> 00:38:25,607
There's not one straight man
in sight.
612
00:38:25,651 --> 00:38:28,001
Excuse me?It's so great.
613
00:38:28,044 --> 00:38:32,135
I can really be myself.
I don't care about makeup,
about what I'm wearing.
614
00:38:32,179 --> 00:38:35,225
If a guy's talking to me
because he wants to
get into my pants--
615
00:38:35,269 --> 00:38:38,054
Gabriella, um--You know what else?
616
00:38:38,098 --> 00:38:40,535
Let's say I do get horny.
617
00:38:40,579 --> 00:38:44,017
Maybe I can even find
a gay guy, and he can
do me the favor.
618
00:38:44,060 --> 00:38:46,454
"The favor"?
619
00:38:46,498 --> 00:38:48,978
How do we say in English?
620
00:38:49,022 --> 00:38:52,112
Make me scream,
make me moan,
621
00:38:52,155 --> 00:38:54,984
screw my brains out.
622
00:38:55,028 --> 00:38:57,030
Ooh.
623
00:38:59,249 --> 00:39:02,122
I don't mean
to be a bitch,
624
00:39:03,950 --> 00:39:07,997
but these staterooms
could use a bit more color.
625
00:39:26,668 --> 00:39:30,193
All right, girls.
Time for jumping jacks.
626
00:39:33,458 --> 00:39:36,417
And one, two,
627
00:39:36,461 --> 00:39:38,506
three, four,
628
00:39:38,550 --> 00:39:42,423
five, six,
seven, eight--
629
00:39:42,467 --> 00:39:44,904
Now we are laying down
to sleep,
630
00:39:44,947 --> 00:39:48,211
our hot, tight bodies
the Lord will keep.
631
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:57,307
Inga, darling.
It's me, Nicky.
632
00:39:57,351 --> 00:39:59,571
I'm here!
633
00:40:06,708 --> 00:40:11,757
Oh, Reverend Lindstrom,
nej.
634
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,543
This wouldn't do.
What would the bishop say?
635
00:40:17,589 --> 00:40:20,243
Who's knocking
at my drawers?
636
00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,856
- Oh, my--
- [ Cracking ]
637
00:40:23,899 --> 00:40:26,032
Take Mama downtown,
baby!
638
00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:32,125
Oh, Mama!
639
00:40:32,168 --> 00:40:35,824
Help me, Jesus!
[ Babbling ]
640
00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:40,046
[ Nick Screaming ]
641
00:40:40,089 --> 00:40:43,005
Oh!
642
00:40:46,008 --> 00:40:50,273
[ Nick Screaming ]
643
00:40:50,317 --> 00:40:52,928
[ Gasping ]
644
00:40:55,235 --> 00:40:57,019
♪ She put the lime
in the coconut
and shake 'em all up ♪
645
00:40:57,063 --> 00:40:59,848
- Nej, nej, nej.
Ja, ja, ja, ja.
- Get off me!
646
00:40:59,892 --> 00:41:02,634
Oh, why?
647
00:41:02,677 --> 00:41:05,027
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
and drink 'em all up ♪ [ Coach Giggling ]
648
00:41:05,071 --> 00:41:07,595
♪ Put the lime in the coconut
and drink 'em all up ♪♪
649
00:41:07,639 --> 00:41:10,816
- [ Screams, Grunts ]
- What's that?
650
00:41:10,859 --> 00:41:13,383
It's coming from
the coach's room.
651
00:41:13,427 --> 00:41:15,777
- [ All Gasp ]
- [ Sighs ]
652
00:41:15,821 --> 00:41:18,824
Smokin' sturgeon!
Coach's pussy just blew up!
653
00:41:18,867 --> 00:41:22,523
Was good for me. Ja.
654
00:41:22,567 --> 00:41:24,873
♪ Sometimes it's hard
to be a woman ♪
655
00:41:26,962 --> 00:41:31,837
♪ Givin' all your love
to just one man ♪
656
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,971
♪ You'll have bad times
You'll have good times ♪
657
00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:39,061
♪ Doin' things
that you don't understand ♪
658
00:41:39,105 --> 00:41:41,673
Oh, baby.
659
00:41:41,716 --> 00:41:44,980
♪ But if you love him
you'll forgive him ♪
660
00:41:45,024 --> 00:41:49,550
♪ Even though he's hard
to understand ♪
661
00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:52,031
♪ And if you love him
662
00:41:52,074 --> 00:41:54,337
♪ Oh, be proud of him
663
00:41:54,381 --> 00:41:57,515
♪ 'Cause after all
he's just a man ♪
664
00:41:58,603 --> 00:42:01,954
♪ Stand by your man
665
00:42:01,997 --> 00:42:04,304
♪ Give him two arms
to cling to ♪
666
00:42:04,347 --> 00:42:08,482
♪ And something warm to come to
when the nights
are cold and lonely ♪
667
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:10,615
♪ Stand by your man ♪
668
00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:13,661
[ Jerry ]
I gotta tell you, Nick,
she's so great.
669
00:42:13,705 --> 00:42:17,709
We had so much fun.
We talked, we laughed.
670
00:42:17,752 --> 00:42:20,712
Oh, can you hand me one
of those cheese-flavored
penises?
671
00:42:22,278 --> 00:42:25,281
Gabriella's everything
I've ever wanted
in a woman.
672
00:42:25,325 --> 00:42:28,197
I even pierced my ear
for her.Make sure it's the right ear.
673
00:42:28,241 --> 00:42:30,460
Of course it's--
674
00:42:34,987 --> 00:42:38,381
Yeah, I better
look into that.
How was your evening?
675
00:42:38,425 --> 00:42:41,646
Let's just say
I had some bad shellfish
and leave it at that.
676
00:42:41,689 --> 00:42:44,126
Hey! Hold on. [ Jerry ]
Here she comes.
677
00:42:44,170 --> 00:42:46,520
Grab my ass.What, are you crazy?
678
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:49,567
I told her I was gay.
Now, wet your lips and
look at me lovingly.
679
00:42:49,610 --> 00:42:53,571
- I look like a homo to you?
- Yes, an out-of-shape one,
but we have those too.
680
00:42:53,614 --> 00:42:56,399
Thank you very much.
That's enough. Move it along.
Nothing to see here. Bye-bye.
681
00:42:56,443 --> 00:42:59,968
- What do you want me to do,
act like I'm gay-- Ow!
- Hi, boys!
682
00:43:00,012 --> 00:43:03,406
I don't believe you two
have formally been introduced.
This is my life partner.
683
00:43:03,450 --> 00:43:06,975
I'm not his life-- Ow!He's a little seasick
this morning.
684
00:43:07,019 --> 00:43:09,499
Maybe he's just
a little lovesick.Right!
685
00:43:09,543 --> 00:43:12,024
[ Screaming ] [ Bone Cracks ]
686
00:43:12,067 --> 00:43:14,983
- We're into S&M.
- Oh, okay.
687
00:43:15,027 --> 00:43:19,466
Nick, maybe if you feel
better later, you would like
to come to my new class?
688
00:43:19,509 --> 00:43:21,773
Yeah?
It's dirty dancing.
689
00:43:21,816 --> 00:43:25,167
Ooh, dirty dancing.
Ooh, so taboo.
690
00:43:25,211 --> 00:43:29,737
What the hell's
wrong with you?
"He's my life partner!"
691
00:43:29,781 --> 00:43:32,610
You need to keep
an open mind.
Nick, hey!
692
00:43:34,786 --> 00:43:37,658
It's only
for a few days.Quit bugging me.
693
00:43:37,702 --> 00:43:40,313
I'm getting my nuts handed
to me on a platter. I wouldn't mind seeing that.
694
00:43:40,356 --> 00:43:41,880
Don't say it!
695
00:43:45,013 --> 00:43:48,060
Why not?'Cause I won't,
that's why.
696
00:43:48,103 --> 00:43:52,151
Be a friend.As a friend,
you're a wiener.
697
00:43:52,194 --> 00:43:56,416
Now buzz off!
I'm trying to concentrate
on my workout.
698
00:43:56,459 --> 00:43:58,766
You're not workin' out.
699
00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:28,404
Nick, if you do me
this one favor,
I promise you I--
700
00:44:28,448 --> 00:44:30,668
Nick!
701
00:44:30,711 --> 00:44:33,714
Come on. Listen,
I'm begging you.
702
00:44:33,758 --> 00:44:36,282
[ Loud Slap ] [ Man ]
Aaah!
703
00:44:39,764 --> 00:44:43,811
Maybe I'll skip
the steam.That's a good idea.
704
00:44:43,855 --> 00:44:46,727
Hey. Listen.
705
00:44:46,771 --> 00:44:48,947
After what happened
with Felicia,
706
00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:52,037
I thought I'd never feel
this way about a girl again.
707
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,779
Why are you making
such a big deal
about this girl?
708
00:44:54,822 --> 00:44:57,259
She's a classic
man hater!No, no, no!
709
00:44:57,303 --> 00:44:59,522
See, Gabriella
doesn't mean it.
710
00:44:59,566 --> 00:45:03,352
She's just had bad luck
with guys she dates because they
only wanna have sex with her.
711
00:45:03,396 --> 00:45:05,833
You know the type.[ Mock Laugh ]
712
00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:09,141
Don't ever take sides
against the guys!
713
00:45:09,184 --> 00:45:13,493
Nick, I just need a few days
to get to know her,
714
00:45:13,536 --> 00:45:15,843
and then I'll tell her
the truth.
715
00:45:19,804 --> 00:45:22,589
Why are you hiding
from that woman?
716
00:45:22,632 --> 00:45:26,288
Hiding! I'm not hiding.
I have a cramp.
717
00:45:26,332 --> 00:45:29,509
Nick, I'm desperate.
What if I offered
to pay you?
718
00:45:29,552 --> 00:45:32,991
Pay me!
How dare you?
719
00:45:33,034 --> 00:45:36,821
You think I'd sacrifice
my dignity, my self-esteem,
my whole way of life...
720
00:45:36,864 --> 00:45:39,084
for a few measly dollars?
721
00:45:39,127 --> 00:45:41,303
No!Five hundred cash?
722
00:45:41,347 --> 00:45:43,001
I'll do it!
723
00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:48,789
Come closer.
You're too far away.No!
724
00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:52,401
Hey, hey, hey!Beautiful! Very nice,
everyone. I love it.
725
00:45:54,534 --> 00:45:56,579
Jerry, you're light
on your feet.
726
00:45:56,623 --> 00:45:58,625
Yeah, this whole place
is light on its feet.
Ow!
727
00:46:01,802 --> 00:46:04,762
No, Nick.
Your body's too stiff.
Listen to me.
728
00:46:04,805 --> 00:46:08,026
Your body, too stiff.
I want you to loosen up.
Come on.
729
00:46:08,069 --> 00:46:10,855
There you go. Move it.
Then go and dance
by yourself.
730
00:46:10,898 --> 00:46:14,075
And feel the music, Nick.
Feel it.
731
00:46:22,867 --> 00:46:25,608
Feel it.
732
00:46:29,699 --> 00:46:31,701
Hmm.
733
00:46:35,575 --> 00:46:37,577
[ Chuckling ]
734
00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,675
Okay, everyone.
Change partners.
735
00:46:55,116 --> 00:46:58,163
Cha-cha, cha-cha-cha.
We meet again.
736
00:46:58,206 --> 00:47:01,688
I hope that's
your belt buckle
I feel back there.
737
00:47:01,731 --> 00:47:04,212
You know,
from the moment we met,
I felt...
738
00:47:04,256 --> 00:47:06,606
there was
an electrical charge
between us.
739
00:47:06,649 --> 00:47:09,870
I think your pacemaker's
shortin' out.
740
00:47:09,914 --> 00:47:13,091
How did you know
I like to be humiliated?
741
00:47:13,134 --> 00:47:15,963
Look, Lloyd,
you're barking up
the wrong tree here.
742
00:47:16,007 --> 00:47:18,923
Oh, I know!
743
00:47:18,966 --> 00:47:21,099
You want to lead.
744
00:47:21,142 --> 00:47:23,797
Lloyd, I'm not...
745
00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:26,017
interested.
746
00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:29,020
That's all right.
I'm a patient man.
I can wait.
747
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:33,024
I'm also very rich.
748
00:47:33,067 --> 00:47:35,896
You know, I'd like
to spoil you, Nick,
749
00:47:35,940 --> 00:47:39,378
take you places
you've never been,
750
00:47:39,421 --> 00:47:42,860
show you things
you've never seen.
751
00:47:42,903 --> 00:47:45,036
I'd like to--
[ Whispering ]
752
00:47:46,124 --> 00:47:48,430
Jerry!
753
00:47:48,474 --> 00:47:50,693
Cha-cha-cha.
754
00:47:51,999 --> 00:47:54,219
That's it.
755
00:47:54,262 --> 00:47:57,265
You're a really good
dance teacher.Really?
756
00:47:57,309 --> 00:47:59,267
Yes.It's fun to teach
a class like this.
757
00:47:59,311 --> 00:48:02,575
I always felt
too self-conscious
to really...
758
00:48:02,618 --> 00:48:04,838
cut loose, you know?
759
00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:07,885
We have our review here
on board. It's like
an amateur night thing.
760
00:48:07,928 --> 00:48:10,626
Think you'll
be interested?Too public.
761
00:48:10,670 --> 00:48:13,107
I'm more
of a closet dancer.
762
00:48:13,151 --> 00:48:16,241
That's a shame because
I'm the choreographer.
763
00:48:16,284 --> 00:48:18,330
Really?Mm-hmm.
764
00:48:18,373 --> 00:48:21,986
Well, for you
I might just waltz
out of the closet.
765
00:48:23,204 --> 00:48:26,033
You know, it's strange.
766
00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:28,035
What's that?
767
00:48:28,079 --> 00:48:30,951
The way you stare at me
sometimes...
768
00:48:30,995 --> 00:48:33,432
or the way you touch me,
like that right now,
769
00:48:33,475 --> 00:48:36,130
is exactly the way
a straight guy would.
770
00:48:36,174 --> 00:48:38,132
Me? Straight?
[ Laughs ]
771
00:48:38,176 --> 00:48:40,134
Girlfriend, please.
772
00:48:40,178 --> 00:48:42,920
Whoo! Nobody's gotta
teach me how to be gay.
773
00:48:44,443 --> 00:48:46,488
Bette Midler
is also known...
774
00:48:46,532 --> 00:48:50,449
as the Divine Miss--
775
00:48:50,492 --> 00:48:53,147
"M"?Ah, very good!
776
00:48:53,191 --> 00:48:55,497
Very good.
Oh, sorry.
777
00:48:55,541 --> 00:48:59,197
Okay, now describe
the Brandy Alexander
you're drinking.
778
00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:01,199
Mmm... refreshing.
779
00:49:01,242 --> 00:49:04,550
No, no, no!
It is to die for!
780
00:49:04,593 --> 00:49:08,467
Also acceptable
is divine, marvelous,
yummyand ooh-la-la.
781
00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,164
Got it.Mm-hmm.
782
00:49:12,732 --> 00:49:16,954
[ Both ]
♪ At first I was afraid
I was petrified ♪
783
00:49:16,997 --> 00:49:21,349
♪ Kept thinking
I could never live
without you by my side ♪
784
00:49:21,393 --> 00:49:24,222
♪ But then I spent
so many nights ♪
785
00:49:24,265 --> 00:49:26,528
♪ Thinking how
you did me wrong ♪
786
00:49:26,572 --> 00:49:28,617
♪ Then I grew strong
787
00:49:28,661 --> 00:49:30,924
♪ And I learned how
to get along ♪
788
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,752
♪ And now you're back
789
00:49:32,795 --> 00:49:35,059
♪ From outer space
790
00:49:35,102 --> 00:49:38,323
♪ I just walked in
to see you there with
that sad look upon your-- ♪♪
791
00:49:38,366 --> 00:49:40,629
Why you stop singing?Whoo!
792
00:49:40,673 --> 00:49:44,546
Oh, I don't know the words.Aah!
793
00:49:44,590 --> 00:49:49,203
You want to convince people
you are gay, and you don't know
the words to "I Will Survive"?
794
00:49:49,247 --> 00:49:53,947
Singing disco tunes and wearing
calypso outfits is not gonna
convince Gabriella I'm gay.
795
00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:55,905
Hector, this is stupid.
796
00:49:57,516 --> 00:50:00,780
♪♪ [ Humming
"I Will Survive" ]
797
00:50:00,823 --> 00:50:03,826
Are you humming
"I Will Survive"?That's right.
798
00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:07,700
And I know all the words.
♪♪ [ Humming ]
799
00:50:07,743 --> 00:50:10,703
You're looking at me
like I'm crazy.I'm not.
800
00:50:10,746 --> 00:50:14,750
You know what?
Champagne usually
makes me act crazy too.
801
00:50:14,794 --> 00:50:17,971
Champagne, ocean air.
802
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:20,887
Strange things
might happen.
803
00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:23,411
I might turn into
a raging heterosexual.
804
00:50:26,545 --> 00:50:29,243
I should be so lucky.
Can you imagine?
805
00:50:31,071 --> 00:50:34,379
You know what?
Let's get this party
on its feet. Come on.
806
00:50:34,422 --> 00:50:37,599
♪ I'm feelin' good
from my head to my shoes ♪ ♪ Feelin' good
807
00:50:37,643 --> 00:50:40,776
♪ Know where I'm going
and I know what to do ♪ ♪ Yeah
808
00:50:40,820 --> 00:50:44,998
♪ I tidied up my point of view
I got a new attitude ♪
809
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:47,609
♪ New attitude, yeah
810
00:50:47,653 --> 00:50:50,134
♪ I'm in control
and my worries are few ♪
811
00:50:50,177 --> 00:50:53,354
♪ 'Cause I've got love
like I never knew ♪
812
00:50:53,398 --> 00:50:55,748
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
813
00:50:55,791 --> 00:50:58,098
♪ I got a new attitude ♪
814
00:51:05,018 --> 00:51:07,020
Inga, it's me, Nicky.
815
00:51:07,064 --> 00:51:09,936
[ Knocking ]Hurry up.
816
00:51:09,979 --> 00:51:13,200
Nicky. So Mr. Tongue
has a name.
817
00:51:13,244 --> 00:51:16,334
I'm sorry about what happened.
You don't have to hit me.
The deed was punishment enough.
818
00:51:16,377 --> 00:51:18,945
Nej, nej, nej.
819
00:51:18,988 --> 00:51:22,818
If we ever hook up again,
I want to show you...
I can reciprocate.
820
00:51:22,862 --> 00:51:25,299
Reciprocate?
821
00:51:25,343 --> 00:51:27,301
Whoo! Ooh.
822
00:51:27,345 --> 00:51:31,784
- [ Groans ]
- [ Grunting ]
823
00:51:38,834 --> 00:51:42,229
♪ I don't want nobody else
but you ♪
824
00:51:42,273 --> 00:51:46,407
♪ So let me pull you close
And let me love you
through and through ♪
825
00:51:46,451 --> 00:51:49,410
♪ I don't want nobody else
but you ♪
826
00:51:49,454 --> 00:51:53,414
♪ It's time to get away
have a tête-à-tête for two ♪
827
00:51:53,458 --> 00:51:55,590
♪ Shake, shake
shake, shake your body ♪
828
00:51:55,634 --> 00:51:57,679
♪ Come on, boy
let's have a party ♪
829
00:51:57,723 --> 00:52:01,248
♪ Break out the congas
and play 'em loud ♪
830
00:52:01,292 --> 00:52:03,337
♪ Shake up
shake up the party ♪
831
00:52:03,381 --> 00:52:05,731
♪ Come on, boy
we don't need nobody ♪
832
00:52:05,774 --> 00:52:08,342
♪ Together I know
we'll tear up the town ♪♪
833
00:52:10,431 --> 00:52:14,479
- Hey, Nick!
- Hey, fresh meat.
Have a seat, Nick.
834
00:52:14,522 --> 00:52:16,959
We can always use
a little extra
spending money.
835
00:52:17,003 --> 00:52:20,180
I need a quiet game
of poker.Sorry I'm late, boys.
836
00:52:20,224 --> 00:52:23,401
Had a little trouble squeezing
into these panty hose.
837
00:52:23,444 --> 00:52:26,317
- So, what's the game?
- Five-card stud.
838
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,928
Mm-hmm. Very appropriate.
Let's play some cards.
839
00:52:30,756 --> 00:52:33,454
I'm tired, Jerry.
840
00:52:33,498 --> 00:52:36,849
You want something
to drink?Whoa, whoa. One more.
841
00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:53,257
♪♪ [ Singing In French ]
842
00:53:25,811 --> 00:53:29,858
♪♪ [ French Continues ]
843
00:53:50,618 --> 00:53:52,620
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
844
00:53:52,664 --> 00:53:54,666
Hector.
845
00:53:56,711 --> 00:53:59,410
You've been
on a boat before.
Is it safe?
846
00:53:59,453 --> 00:54:02,717
Of course it's safe,
as long as you
are responsible.
847
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:07,026
Oh, you mean the storm.
That I do not know.
848
00:54:07,069 --> 00:54:10,247
[ Thunderclap ]Whoo!
849
00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:14,381
Let me ask you something.
How many cruises
have you been on?
850
00:54:14,425 --> 00:54:19,343
Including this one?
That would make it... one.
851
00:54:19,386 --> 00:54:23,477
You see, I only recently
come all the way out
of the closet.
852
00:54:23,521 --> 00:54:25,740
Recently? Really?Mmm.
853
00:54:25,784 --> 00:54:29,396
- I would figure kindergarten.
- No, but let me tell you,
it wasn't easy.
854
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:33,661
But it's better
to be true to yourself
than to lie to the world.
855
00:54:35,794 --> 00:54:38,840
Must have taken
a lot of guts.
It's funny, you know.
856
00:54:38,884 --> 00:54:42,235
These guys
I'm playing poker with--
Steven, Tom, Ron.
857
00:54:42,279 --> 00:54:45,020
Steven's a doctor.
A gay heart surgeon.
Who would have thought?
858
00:54:45,064 --> 00:54:48,372
Ron's a criminal
defense attorney.
He represents badass dudes.
859
00:54:48,415 --> 00:54:51,636
Tom's a cross-dressing
pastry chef.
860
00:54:51,679 --> 00:54:54,726
Okay, I would have
guessed that, but still...
861
00:54:54,769 --> 00:54:57,642
they're a great
bunch of guys.
862
00:54:57,685 --> 00:55:00,209
So what are you saying?What am I saying?
863
00:55:00,253 --> 00:55:04,388
What I'm saying is,
I kind of wanted to hang out
more with these guys,
864
00:55:04,431 --> 00:55:08,392
but there was a part of me
that felt it was somehow...
865
00:55:08,435 --> 00:55:11,177
wrong to be friends
with gay men.
866
00:55:13,048 --> 00:55:16,356
And that... makes me feel
like a jerk.
867
00:55:21,100 --> 00:55:23,668
Sit.
Come on. Sit.
868
00:55:26,932 --> 00:55:28,977
[ Sighs ]
You know, my papa,
869
00:55:29,021 --> 00:55:32,372
he used to think
that to be gay
was muy malo,
870
00:55:32,416 --> 00:55:35,027
a big shame.
871
00:55:36,724 --> 00:55:40,293
He no talk to me
for 20 years, his own blood.
872
00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:43,296
Then when he's sick,
he's dying, h-he ask for me,
873
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:46,386
he say to me,
"Hector,
874
00:55:46,430 --> 00:55:49,084
"I waste so much time.
875
00:55:49,128 --> 00:55:51,304
"We all God's children.
876
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:53,306
I'm so sorry."
877
00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:56,353
He said, he's sorry.
878
00:55:58,485 --> 00:56:00,444
Ooh.
879
00:56:00,487 --> 00:56:02,881
Uh--
880
00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:06,972
You see, my papi,
he like you.
He no jerk.
881
00:56:07,015 --> 00:56:09,191
He just need to learn.
882
00:56:10,758 --> 00:56:12,847
You learn too, my friend.
883
00:56:15,241 --> 00:56:17,417
[ Door Closes ]
884
00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:20,028
[ Jerry, Gabriella Laughing ]
885
00:56:20,072 --> 00:56:22,988
Ohh! Ow, I'm hurting.
886
00:56:23,031 --> 00:56:27,122
[ Thunderclap ]Oh, it feels so good
to get off my feet!
887
00:56:27,166 --> 00:56:29,951
Ohh!I couldn't agree
with you more.
888
00:56:32,998 --> 00:56:34,956
You know what?
889
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,438
I've got to get out
of these clothes.
890
00:56:38,482 --> 00:56:41,049
I couldn't agree
with you more.
891
00:56:41,093 --> 00:56:44,488
Listen, would you mind
doing me a huge,
892
00:56:44,531 --> 00:56:46,881
huge favor?
893
00:56:46,925 --> 00:56:50,450
Would you spend
the night with me?What?
894
00:56:50,494 --> 00:56:52,800
Yeah, you know,
it's the storm.
895
00:56:52,844 --> 00:56:56,543
I wouldn't mind
huddling under the covers
with somebody.
896
00:56:56,587 --> 00:56:59,328
You think Nick
would mind?
897
00:56:59,372 --> 00:57:02,114
Oh--
898
00:57:02,157 --> 00:57:04,116
Fuck Nick. [ Thunderclap ]
899
00:57:04,159 --> 00:57:06,771
Is this storm
gettin' worse...
900
00:57:06,814 --> 00:57:10,296
or am I too drunker?
901
00:57:10,339 --> 00:57:13,560
I have a theory.
902
00:57:13,604 --> 00:57:16,563
I think
if we drank more,
903
00:57:16,607 --> 00:57:18,652
we might be able
to maintain
perfect equilibrium.
904
00:57:18,696 --> 00:57:20,654
I'll try that...
905
00:57:20,698 --> 00:57:24,136
in the pursuit
of... science.
906
00:57:24,179 --> 00:57:27,922
I'll get us
another round.I have a better idea.
907
00:57:27,966 --> 00:57:31,360
I have a 50-year-old
bottle of cognac...
908
00:57:31,404 --> 00:57:33,406
in my room,
909
00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:35,713
and I'm gonna go get it.
910
00:57:35,756 --> 00:57:37,715
I'll go with you.
911
00:57:37,758 --> 00:57:39,934
I could use
the exercise.
912
00:57:39,978 --> 00:57:42,197
All right.
913
00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:45,679
[ Gabriella ]
Jerry. We can get up
from under the covers.
914
00:57:45,723 --> 00:57:48,639
I think the storm was over
like half an hour ago.
915
00:57:49,901 --> 00:57:53,948
That's one hell
of a storm, though.
916
00:57:53,992 --> 00:57:56,516
You know what?
I have something
you're gonna love!
917
00:57:56,560 --> 00:58:00,389
Mmm! Get ready
to have an orgasm.What?
918
00:58:02,043 --> 00:58:03,784
Open wide.
919
00:58:06,091 --> 00:58:08,049
Mmm.Good?
920
00:58:08,093 --> 00:58:11,488
- Mm-hmm.
- [ Moans, Sighs ]
921
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,275
- Do me.
- You're so lucky I'm gay.
922
00:58:20,279 --> 00:58:24,283
Oh! Mmm!
923
00:58:24,326 --> 00:58:27,373
[ Moaning ]
924
00:58:27,416 --> 00:58:30,202
- Can I ask you something?
- Shoot.
925
00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:33,466
- How do you do it?
- Do what?
926
00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:37,209
- Give head.
- What?
927
00:58:37,252 --> 00:58:41,996
A blow job.
I mean, do you start
on the tip of his penis?
928
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:45,086
Do you stroke it
while you use your mouth?
929
00:58:45,130 --> 00:58:48,960
Do you tickle the balls?Not everybody likes that.
930
00:58:49,003 --> 00:58:52,790
As a person who
gives them and receives them,
you must know the perfect way.
931
00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:54,792
Show me.Oh! Uh--
932
00:58:54,835 --> 00:58:57,882
What?Uh--
933
00:58:57,925 --> 00:59:00,188
Okay.
934
00:59:02,930 --> 00:59:04,671
Um--
935
00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:09,284
Um--
[ Chuckles ]
936
00:59:09,328 --> 00:59:12,766
What?Eh-- You--
937
00:59:12,810 --> 00:59:15,943
Nothing smaller then?
938
00:59:15,987 --> 00:59:18,206
You know,
I got an idea.
939
00:59:18,250 --> 00:59:22,384
Why don't you show me
your technique, and then
I'll critique it?
940
00:59:23,472 --> 00:59:25,953
Okay.Okay.
941
00:59:25,997 --> 00:59:28,216
Okay.Okay.
942
00:59:28,260 --> 00:59:30,218
Yeah. So look.
943
00:59:30,262 --> 00:59:32,786
First,
944
00:59:32,830 --> 00:59:36,007
I slowly lick the tip
with my tongue, right?
945
00:59:36,050 --> 00:59:38,009
Uh-huh.
946
00:59:41,752 --> 00:59:44,493
[ Moans ]
947
00:59:44,537 --> 00:59:46,757
- Right?
- That's good.
948
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:49,760
Then I gently go down
the shaft with my lips.
949
00:59:51,152 --> 00:59:53,372
[ Kissing ]
950
00:59:53,415 --> 00:59:57,985
And at the same time,
I tickle the balls very softly.
951
00:59:58,029 --> 01:00:01,685
Then I trill my tongue
all the way...
[ Moans ]
952
01:00:05,427 --> 01:00:07,865
back to the top.
953
01:00:07,908 --> 01:00:10,345
Then I wet my lips,
954
01:00:10,389 --> 01:00:12,783
[ Moans ]
955
01:00:12,826 --> 01:00:15,655
I do a little
playful nibbling...
956
01:00:17,135 --> 01:00:19,746
and then I slip
in my mouth.
957
01:00:22,401 --> 01:00:26,100
[ Speaks Spanish ]
958
01:00:26,144 --> 01:00:29,103
[ Spanish ]
959
01:00:30,409 --> 01:00:32,629
How's that?
960
01:00:32,672 --> 01:00:35,283
- Jerry?
- That's fine!
961
01:00:35,327 --> 01:00:36,676
[ Foghorn Bellows ]
962
01:00:40,462 --> 01:00:43,988
For goodness sake, Lloyd,
at least kiss me first.
963
01:00:44,031 --> 01:00:46,338
[ Laughing ]
No, you didn't.
964
01:00:46,381 --> 01:00:50,342
Oh, yes, I did.
965
01:00:50,385 --> 01:00:53,606
Oh, now where did
I put that bag?
966
01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:55,913
I'm just gonna lay down.
967
01:00:55,956 --> 01:00:57,871
[ Snores ]
968
01:01:00,482 --> 01:01:02,920
[ Groans ]
Got it.
969
01:01:02,963 --> 01:01:05,966
[ Snoring ]
970
01:01:06,010 --> 01:01:08,534
Now, before we go back up
with the boys,
971
01:01:08,577 --> 01:01:10,971
what do you say
we do a couple of shots?
972
01:01:11,015 --> 01:01:15,715
[ Giggling ]You're a goddamn genius.
973
01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:18,152
Here you go.
974
01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:20,198
Oh.
[ Scoffs ]
975
01:01:30,208 --> 01:01:32,776
[ Snoring ]
976
01:02:03,241 --> 01:02:05,809
[ Moans ]
977
01:02:11,989 --> 01:02:14,513
[ Screaming ]
Oh,
978
01:02:14,556 --> 01:02:17,429
my... God!
979
01:02:17,472 --> 01:02:20,519
Aaah!
980
01:02:27,526 --> 01:02:29,876
What are you doing?
981
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:32,966
I have a horrible
taste in my mouth,
and I can't get rid of it.
982
01:02:33,010 --> 01:02:34,968
What, did you
eat something weird?
983
01:02:35,012 --> 01:02:37,057
Yeah.Oh--
984
01:02:37,101 --> 01:02:40,321
I did a bad,
bad thing, Jerry.What?
985
01:02:40,365 --> 01:02:42,584
You know how the sea air
makes you disoriented,
986
01:02:42,628 --> 01:02:45,457
and I was blitzed
from the drinking
and the partying, and I-I--
987
01:02:45,500 --> 01:02:48,460
I slept with a man, Jerry.
988
01:02:48,503 --> 01:02:50,462
Very funny.
989
01:02:50,505 --> 01:02:53,334
No, it's not.
990
01:02:53,378 --> 01:02:56,337
I just woke up
in Ron's state room...
with Ron.
991
01:02:56,381 --> 01:02:58,296
What?
992
01:02:59,601 --> 01:03:02,387
I've chased a lot
of women, Jerry.
993
01:03:02,430 --> 01:03:04,737
But to be honest,
994
01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:07,696
I've never actually
scored with one since
I was a senior in high school,
995
01:03:07,740 --> 01:03:10,395
and then I had to promise
to marry her.
996
01:03:10,438 --> 01:03:13,572
A 51-year-old
coffee shop waitress...
997
01:03:13,615 --> 01:03:16,270
and stroke victim...
998
01:03:16,314 --> 01:03:18,620
with a fake leg...
999
01:03:18,664 --> 01:03:20,622
and a lazy eye...
1000
01:03:20,666 --> 01:03:22,581
and a mole with teeth--I-I got it.
1001
01:03:22,624 --> 01:03:25,236
What I'm trying to say is,
1002
01:03:25,279 --> 01:03:28,761
maybe I'm meant to do more
than just play cards
with these guys, Jerry.
1003
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:31,764
[ Scoffs ]I'm finally happy.
1004
01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,897
I'm so happy.
1005
01:03:33,940 --> 01:03:35,899
I'm gay.
1006
01:03:35,942 --> 01:03:39,119
[ Gabriella ]
One, two, three,
1007
01:03:39,163 --> 01:03:42,470
four, five, six,
1008
01:03:42,514 --> 01:03:44,690
seven, eight--
1009
01:03:44,733 --> 01:03:48,302
And one, two,
three, four,
1010
01:03:48,346 --> 01:03:50,304
five, six, seven, eight.
1011
01:03:50,348 --> 01:03:52,829
Good. Good work, guys.
1012
01:03:52,872 --> 01:03:55,788
Good work. Hector, try not
shaking your ass so much.
1013
01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:57,877
You mean in the dance
or in real life?
1014
01:03:59,574 --> 01:04:01,533
Okay, guys, thank you
so much for coming.
1015
01:04:01,576 --> 01:04:04,014
I'll see you back here
tonight at 11:00.
1016
01:04:04,057 --> 01:04:06,755
Jerry, you are
looking fierce up there.
1017
01:04:06,799 --> 01:04:09,280
Oh-- [ Laughing ]
1018
01:04:09,323 --> 01:04:11,804
I can't remember
when I've had this much fun.
1019
01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:14,154
You know,
you are just great.
1020
01:04:14,198 --> 01:04:16,896
Hey,
1021
01:04:16,940 --> 01:04:19,203
are you gonna go
to the island?I am.
1022
01:04:19,246 --> 01:04:22,162
Do you want me
to be your tour guide?
I know the island very well.
1023
01:04:22,206 --> 01:04:24,556
That would be yummy.
1024
01:04:24,599 --> 01:04:27,428
Yummy?Uh, let's go.
1025
01:04:37,961 --> 01:04:41,790
Nicholas, I was beginning
to wonder about you.
1026
01:04:41,834 --> 01:04:44,576
I'm glad to see that you
finally got that luscious,
1027
01:04:44,619 --> 01:04:48,493
full-figured frame of yours
in the right dinghy.
1028
01:04:48,536 --> 01:04:51,322
It's amazing.
A day ago I would have
seriously thought about...
1029
01:04:51,365 --> 01:04:53,802
punching you
in the face for saying
something like that.
1030
01:04:53,846 --> 01:04:57,110
This place is paradise.Oh, yeah. We're gonna
have an awesome time.
1031
01:04:57,154 --> 01:05:01,941
I'll say. I can already
feel the men around here
undressing me with their eyes.
1032
01:05:01,985 --> 01:05:04,726
You hungry? You want
to get something to eat?Nope. I have a better idea.
1033
01:05:04,770 --> 01:05:08,121
Let's go exploring first.Great.
1034
01:05:08,165 --> 01:05:11,211
Daddy, thanks so much
for finding out where
Jerry is for me.
1035
01:05:11,255 --> 01:05:13,431
Yeah, I'm sure things
are gonna work out too.
1036
01:05:13,474 --> 01:05:15,824
Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy.
1037
01:05:15,868 --> 01:05:18,784
How do I get
to the Olympia Voyager?Right this way, madam.
1038
01:05:18,827 --> 01:05:21,656
Be careful with those bags.
They're worth more
than you make in a year.
1039
01:05:21,700 --> 01:05:23,397
[ Chuckling ]
Bon voyage.
1040
01:05:23,441 --> 01:05:25,356
Bitch.
1041
01:05:26,879 --> 01:05:29,186
Hey, Nick.
How ya doin'?
1042
01:05:29,229 --> 01:05:32,667
Hey, fine.
I'm not sore or anything.
1043
01:05:32,711 --> 01:05:34,669
Hey, buddy,
about last night,
1044
01:05:34,713 --> 01:05:36,802
I understand why it happened.
1045
01:05:36,845 --> 01:05:38,717
I mean, uh,
I'm pretty charismatic,
1046
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:40,980
and if the moon hits me
in just the right way,
1047
01:05:41,024 --> 01:05:42,764
I can look
pretty damn tasty.
1048
01:05:42,808 --> 01:05:45,419
You know, you're okay too,
1049
01:05:45,463 --> 01:05:47,987
but, uh, I'd just really
rather we stay friends.
1050
01:05:48,031 --> 01:05:50,816
All right. Me too, Nick.
1051
01:05:50,859 --> 01:05:53,427
Yeah? Wow.Yeah.
1052
01:05:53,471 --> 01:05:56,909
If I would have said that
to a chick, she'd be
a total mess right now.
1053
01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:59,303
I'm starting to see
the upside to this whole thing. [ Marching Approaching ]
1054
01:05:59,346 --> 01:06:02,175
If you do what Sonya says--
one, two, three, four.
1055
01:06:02,219 --> 01:06:05,787
Woke up with no tanning cream,
now you're off the tanning team.
1056
01:06:05,831 --> 01:06:08,051
One, two, three, four--Coach,
1057
01:06:08,094 --> 01:06:10,009
look, it's
the Hawaiian Tropic team.
1058
01:06:17,060 --> 01:06:22,456
[ Swedish ]
1059
01:06:26,634 --> 01:06:28,941
[ Man ]
Hey, break it up, ladies.
Come on. Move.
1060
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:31,465
Come on. Take it easy.
1061
01:06:31,509 --> 01:06:34,991
[ Whistles ]
Break it up. Break it up.
1062
01:06:35,034 --> 01:06:37,036
Save it for
the tanning competition.
1063
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:41,127
Bad! You are bad!
Everybody move out now!
1064
01:06:47,699 --> 01:06:50,136
Okay, girls, get your
heinies on the donkeys...
1065
01:06:50,180 --> 01:06:52,095
now!
1066
01:06:53,183 --> 01:06:56,708
Nick?
1067
01:06:56,751 --> 01:06:59,798
I just wanted to say good-bye.
I'm going to the airport now.
1068
01:06:59,841 --> 01:07:03,410
Inga, it was great
almost knowing you.
1069
01:07:03,454 --> 01:07:06,370
Nick, if you're ever near
Gettzemuüllersteigen, Sweden,
1070
01:07:06,413 --> 01:07:08,372
I would love to see you again.
1071
01:07:08,415 --> 01:07:10,461
I don't think so, baby.
1072
01:07:10,504 --> 01:07:12,463
I don't think
this is gonna work out.
1073
01:07:12,506 --> 01:07:15,988
But I thought
you liked me, Nick.
1074
01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:18,208
I'm confused.
1075
01:07:18,251 --> 01:07:21,341
[ Sighs ]
So am I.
You don't even know.
1076
01:07:21,385 --> 01:07:23,865
You better hurry.
You have an ass to catch.
1077
01:07:23,909 --> 01:07:26,607
[ Sniffling ]
1078
01:07:26,651 --> 01:07:30,133
And you?
Huh. Hey.
1079
01:07:33,005 --> 01:07:35,094
[ Sonya ]
And we go.
1080
01:07:37,401 --> 01:07:39,403
Oh, that feels good.
1081
01:07:41,535 --> 01:07:44,799
Hey, Nick.
About last night,
1082
01:07:44,843 --> 01:07:47,672
you don't think anything
happened, do you?
1083
01:07:47,715 --> 01:07:49,674
What do you think happened?
1084
01:07:49,717 --> 01:07:53,678
Nothing.
You and I drank too much
and then fell asleep.
1085
01:07:53,721 --> 01:07:56,681
Are you sure?Yeah.
1086
01:07:56,724 --> 01:07:59,553
Inga!
1087
01:07:59,597 --> 01:08:03,992
[ Cackling ]
Inga!
1088
01:08:04,036 --> 01:08:06,082
Well, I think we lost
that one forever.
1089
01:08:06,125 --> 01:08:08,171
A lot of potential
in that boy.
1090
01:08:08,214 --> 01:08:11,217
Could have been
one of the great ones.
1091
01:08:11,261 --> 01:08:13,915
I saw in him
what I saw in Elton John.Mmm.
1092
01:08:27,712 --> 01:08:29,670
What do you think?
1093
01:08:29,714 --> 01:08:32,586
That is so great.
1094
01:08:32,630 --> 01:08:36,416
- But I'm not nearly
that pretty.
- You are to me.
1095
01:08:36,460 --> 01:08:38,984
You know, you are
so talented, Jerry.
1096
01:08:39,027 --> 01:08:40,725
You think so?Wow. Absolutely.
1097
01:08:40,768 --> 01:08:42,988
[ Snickers ]
1098
01:08:43,031 --> 01:08:46,470
Why the funny look?Oh, nothing. It's--
1099
01:08:46,513 --> 01:08:48,689
No one's ever encouraged
my drawing before.
1100
01:08:48,733 --> 01:08:51,301
Well, that's crazy,
because you're wonderful.
1101
01:08:52,824 --> 01:08:54,782
Let's go take a walk
on the beach. Come on.
1102
01:08:54,826 --> 01:08:57,350
Oh, it's so rocky.
1103
01:08:57,394 --> 01:09:00,048
Jerry,stop being
so delicate all the time.
1104
01:09:00,092 --> 01:09:02,181
[ Scoffs ]
I'm not delicate.
1105
01:09:02,225 --> 01:09:06,620
[ Whimpering ]
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Okay, I'm delicate!
1106
01:09:06,664 --> 01:09:08,666
And it's hot!
1107
01:09:08,709 --> 01:09:11,234
Come on. I know what we can do.
Let's go cool off.
1108
01:09:11,277 --> 01:09:14,062
♪ As I'm kissing you Oh.
1109
01:09:14,106 --> 01:09:16,761
♪ As I'm kissing you
1110
01:09:16,804 --> 01:09:18,632
I'm not that delicate.
Ooh, ah.
1111
01:09:21,592 --> 01:09:25,117
♪ Boy, the taste of your lips
pulls me in deeper ♪
1112
01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:28,381
H-H-Here I come! ♪ Nothing else would compare
1113
01:09:28,425 --> 01:09:31,515
♪ Or ever be sweeter
1114
01:09:31,558 --> 01:09:34,822
♪ With every breath you've
got me drowning in desire ♪
1115
01:09:34,866 --> 01:09:39,044
♪ So hold me tight
And, baby, never let me go ♪
1116
01:09:39,087 --> 01:09:42,090
♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ As I'm kissing you
1117
01:09:42,134 --> 01:09:44,876
♪ My world seems brighter
1118
01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:49,620
♪ Boy, tell me do you feel
this fire too ♪
1119
01:09:49,663 --> 01:09:54,451
♪ I think I'm losin' my heart
to you, darlin' ♪ ♪ Losin' my heart
1120
01:09:54,494 --> 01:09:57,193
♪ Are you ready to catch me
1121
01:09:57,236 --> 01:10:00,196
♪ I'm fallin' in love
1122
01:10:00,239 --> 01:10:03,721
Had your vitamin C today?
1123
01:10:03,764 --> 01:10:07,377
You know,
you really make me laugh.
1124
01:10:08,726 --> 01:10:11,294
Mmm.
1125
01:10:12,382 --> 01:10:15,733
I'm so glad we met.[ Gasps ]
1126
01:10:15,776 --> 01:10:17,996
Mm-hmm.
1127
01:10:18,039 --> 01:10:21,434
You know,
it really is a shame...
1128
01:10:21,478 --> 01:10:23,219
to let this place
go to waste.
1129
01:10:24,568 --> 01:10:27,266
Just a friendly kiss.Mmm.
1130
01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:30,008
[ Moaning ]
1131
01:10:31,488 --> 01:10:33,794
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1132
01:10:33,838 --> 01:10:36,623
Jerry, I don't want to feel
like I am pressuring you...
1133
01:10:36,667 --> 01:10:39,104
into doing something
you don't want to do.
1134
01:10:39,147 --> 01:10:40,975
Oh, I want to do this
very badly.
1135
01:10:41,019 --> 01:10:43,326
Really?Yes.
1136
01:10:43,369 --> 01:10:46,633
Okay.
So, let me be your guide.
1137
01:10:46,677 --> 01:10:50,071
And I promise, I'm gonna--
I'm gonna be gentle.
1138
01:10:50,115 --> 01:10:52,117
I'm gonna be patient.
1139
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:55,947
And we're gonna take it
very, very slowly.
1140
01:10:55,990 --> 01:10:57,949
- Great.
- [ Screams ]
1141
01:10:57,992 --> 01:11:00,821
[ Gasping ]
1142
01:11:00,865 --> 01:11:03,650
Ooh!
1143
01:11:03,694 --> 01:11:06,262
[ Moaning ]
1144
01:11:06,305 --> 01:11:09,439
♪ As I'm kissing you
1145
01:11:11,310 --> 01:11:15,445
♪ As I'm kissing you [ Gabriella Moaning ]
1146
01:11:15,488 --> 01:11:19,100
♪ As I'm kissing you
1147
01:11:22,103 --> 01:11:25,150
♪ Are you ready to catch me
I'm fallin' in love ♪♪
1148
01:11:25,193 --> 01:11:27,805
Jerry, Jerry,
1149
01:11:27,848 --> 01:11:31,025
you're a really quick study.
1150
01:11:31,069 --> 01:11:32,984
That's enough foreplay.
1151
01:11:35,813 --> 01:11:39,860
Excuse me. Could you ring
Jerry Robinson's room, please?
1152
01:11:39,904 --> 01:11:41,688
Certainly.
1153
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:49,435
[ Chuckles ][ Ringing ]
1154
01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:51,437
No one seems
to be answering, ma'am.
1155
01:11:51,481 --> 01:11:53,787
Oh-- Could you
give me his room number?
1156
01:11:53,831 --> 01:11:56,094
I'm sorry. We're not allowed
to divulge that information.
1157
01:11:56,137 --> 01:11:58,662
Would you like
to leave a message?
1158
01:11:58,705 --> 01:12:01,795
No, thanks.
I want to surprise him.
1159
01:12:03,144 --> 01:12:05,930
Thank you.
1160
01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:12,937
[ Scoffs ]
1161
01:12:15,461 --> 01:12:19,160
Want to have dinner
with me tonight?
1162
01:12:19,204 --> 01:12:24,252
No.Why not?
1163
01:12:24,296 --> 01:12:28,866
Because I'm falling
in love with you.
1164
01:12:28,909 --> 01:12:30,955
You are?
1165
01:12:30,998 --> 01:12:33,218
Yes, I am.
1166
01:12:33,261 --> 01:12:35,220
And out of all the dumb,
1167
01:12:35,263 --> 01:12:37,570
boneheaded romantic moves
I've made over the years,
1168
01:12:37,614 --> 01:12:39,833
you see, this will be
the dumbest.
1169
01:12:39,877 --> 01:12:42,532
No-No-No. Wait, Gabriella.
This-This could work.
1170
01:12:42,575 --> 01:12:44,925
How do you think
this is gonna work?
1171
01:12:44,969 --> 01:12:47,014
I can't make you into
something you're not, Jerry.
1172
01:12:47,058 --> 01:12:49,930
I do that with every man
I fall for,
1173
01:12:49,974 --> 01:12:51,628
and it has to stop.
1174
01:12:54,021 --> 01:12:57,851
Besides, you already
have someone.No, I don't.
1175
01:12:57,895 --> 01:12:59,984
What about Nick?
1176
01:13:00,027 --> 01:13:02,726
Uh--
1177
01:13:04,075 --> 01:13:07,034
That's just... physical.
1178
01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:10,821
Listen. I have to accept
who you really are.
1179
01:13:10,864 --> 01:13:13,258
I really want to be
alone right now.
1180
01:13:30,580 --> 01:13:32,625
[ Squeals ]
1181
01:13:47,814 --> 01:13:49,947
[ Clears Throat ]
Hi.
1182
01:13:49,990 --> 01:13:52,123
Hi.
1183
01:13:52,166 --> 01:13:54,342
It's kind of nice
seeing another woman
on board.
1184
01:13:54,386 --> 01:13:56,388
Oh, tell me about it.
1185
01:13:56,432 --> 01:13:58,956
All I've seen are men,
most of them gay.
1186
01:13:58,999 --> 01:14:00,914
Well, it is a gay cruise.
1187
01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:04,004
[ Sighs ]
1188
01:14:04,048 --> 01:14:06,485
- What'd you just say?
- You didn't know?
1189
01:14:06,529 --> 01:14:10,489
No. I came on board
to get back together
with my boyfriend.
1190
01:14:10,533 --> 01:14:14,319
I don't get it. Why in the world
would he be on a g--
1191
01:14:14,362 --> 01:14:17,148
[ Elevator Dings ]
1192
01:14:18,149 --> 01:14:20,673
Good luck.
1193
01:14:20,717 --> 01:14:22,632
Thanks.
1194
01:14:24,547 --> 01:14:26,505
Hector! Ooh--
1195
01:14:26,549 --> 01:14:28,725
[ Crash ]
1196
01:14:28,768 --> 01:14:31,249
Have you seen Gabriella?No, I've been looking
for her myself.
1197
01:14:31,292 --> 01:14:34,034
Everything is falling apart.
The music is not ready--
1198
01:14:34,078 --> 01:14:38,125
Victor, the lead dancer,
is seasick.
1199
01:14:38,169 --> 01:14:41,085
And look at my costume.
Huh? It hangs.
1200
01:14:41,128 --> 01:14:43,609
It's supposed to drape.
1201
01:14:43,653 --> 01:14:46,307
Okay. If you see Gabriella,
could you give her this message
for me, please?
1202
01:14:46,351 --> 01:14:48,527
[ Screams ]
1203
01:14:48,571 --> 01:14:51,138
How could I
have been so blind?
1204
01:14:51,182 --> 01:14:53,358
I mean, the signs were
right in front of my eyes.
1205
01:14:53,401 --> 01:14:56,230
[ Hiccups ]
Foreign films,
1206
01:14:56,274 --> 01:14:58,276
Rabbit convertible,
1207
01:14:58,319 --> 01:15:02,106
gourmet mustards--
1208
01:15:02,149 --> 01:15:04,369
Wait.
1209
01:15:04,412 --> 01:15:07,459
Maybe he's only curious.
1210
01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:10,636
I mean, there was that one time
when I was in college,
1211
01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:13,639
my roommate Bianca and I,
we shared a Jacuzzi.
1212
01:15:13,683 --> 01:15:17,425
[ Chuckling ]
Whoa. Now that got
kind of hot.
1213
01:15:19,427 --> 01:15:22,300
Oh.
1214
01:15:22,343 --> 01:15:25,564
I got to go, Bob.
Keep the change.Thanks.
1215
01:15:28,045 --> 01:15:30,177
Think twice before you--
1216
01:15:30,221 --> 01:15:34,007
♪ Blow the man down
1217
01:15:34,051 --> 01:15:36,880
[ Hector ]
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Thank you.
1218
01:15:36,923 --> 01:15:40,100
Okay. Get everybody
ready for the next number.
They have less than a minute.
1219
01:15:42,233 --> 01:15:45,236
What?
1220
01:15:45,279 --> 01:15:48,631
Nobody told me Victor
was too sick to dance.
Who's gonna be the lead?
1221
01:15:48,674 --> 01:15:52,286
♪ I'm comin'
1222
01:15:52,330 --> 01:15:54,462
♪ Comin' out
1223
01:15:56,769 --> 01:15:59,990
♪ I'm comin' I'm comin'...
1224
01:16:00,033 --> 01:16:02,035
♪ Out out.
1225
01:16:02,079 --> 01:16:04,690
Oh, my God.
1226
01:16:04,734 --> 01:16:07,214
[ Lip-synching ] ♪ I'm comin' out
1227
01:16:07,258 --> 01:16:11,915
♪ I want the world to know
Got to let it show ♪
1228
01:16:11,958 --> 01:16:15,048
♪ I'm comin' out
1229
01:16:15,092 --> 01:16:19,183
♪ I want the world to know
Got to let it show ♪
1230
01:16:20,793 --> 01:16:24,797
♪ I'm comin'
1231
01:16:24,841 --> 01:16:27,713
♪ Out
1232
01:16:27,757 --> 01:16:30,629
♪ There's a new me comin' out
1233
01:16:30,673 --> 01:16:33,719
♪ And I just have to live
And I just wanna give ♪
1234
01:16:33,763 --> 01:16:36,592
♪ I'm completely positive
1235
01:16:36,635 --> 01:16:38,724
♪ I think this time around
1236
01:16:38,768 --> 01:16:42,641
♪ I am gonna do it
like you never knew it ♪
1237
01:16:42,685 --> 01:16:44,774
♪ Oh, I'll make it through
1238
01:16:44,817 --> 01:16:48,647
♪ The time has come for me
to break out of this shell ♪
1239
01:16:48,691 --> 01:16:52,390
♪ I have to shout
that I am comin' out ♪
1240
01:16:52,433 --> 01:16:55,349
♪ I'm comin' out ♪ Oh, yeah
1241
01:16:55,393 --> 01:16:57,613
♪ I want the world to know
1242
01:16:57,656 --> 01:16:59,919
♪ Got to let it show
1243
01:16:59,963 --> 01:17:02,182
♪ Oh, I'm comin' out
1244
01:17:02,226 --> 01:17:05,055
♪ Comin' out ♪ I want the world to know
1245
01:17:05,098 --> 01:17:08,624
♪ Got to let it show ♪ Oh, yeah
1246
01:17:08,667 --> 01:17:11,148
♪ I'm comin'
1247
01:17:11,191 --> 01:17:12,845
♪ Out
1248
01:17:14,368 --> 01:17:16,588
Oh--
1249
01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:19,156
♪ I'm comin' out ♪ Comin'
1250
01:17:19,199 --> 01:17:21,375
♪ I want the world to know ♪ Out
1251
01:17:21,419 --> 01:17:23,682
♪ Got to let it show
1252
01:17:23,726 --> 01:17:25,728
♪ Whoo-oo, I'm ♪ I'm comin' out
1253
01:17:25,771 --> 01:17:27,773
♪ Comin'
1254
01:17:27,817 --> 01:17:29,470
♪ I want the world to know ♪ Out
1255
01:17:29,514 --> 01:17:31,908
♪ Got to let it show
1256
01:17:31,951 --> 01:17:34,954
♪ Comin' out ♪ I'm comin' out
1257
01:17:34,998 --> 01:17:36,956
♪ Comin' ♪ I want the world to know
1258
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,915
♪ Out ♪ Got to let it show
1259
01:17:40,830 --> 01:17:42,788
♪ I'm ♪ I'm comin' out
1260
01:17:42,832 --> 01:17:44,834
♪ Comin' ♪ I want the world to know
1261
01:17:44,877 --> 01:17:48,141
♪ Out ♪ Got to let it show ♪
1262
01:17:53,407 --> 01:17:55,192
Cocksucker!
1263
01:17:55,235 --> 01:17:58,456
Felicia.
1264
01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:02,112
I was talkin' to him.
1265
01:18:02,155 --> 01:18:04,418
Bu--
1266
01:18:04,462 --> 01:18:05,811
[ Crying ] [ Jerry ]
Felicia!
1267
01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:11,121
Felicia, what are you
doing here?
1268
01:18:11,164 --> 01:18:13,732
Don't even talk to me.
I feel so humiliated.
1269
01:18:13,776 --> 01:18:15,734
Oh.Well, how did you find me?
1270
01:18:15,778 --> 01:18:18,824
What were you thinking about
when we were making love--
cabana boys?
1271
01:18:18,868 --> 01:18:23,481
Hey, hey-- I am not gay.And to think, I wanted
to be your wife!
1272
01:18:23,524 --> 01:18:25,788
What?
1273
01:18:25,831 --> 01:18:28,268
I really missed you, Jerry.
1274
01:18:28,312 --> 01:18:30,662
All the special times we had--
we complimented each other.
1275
01:18:30,706 --> 01:18:33,404
We could have built
a life together.
1276
01:18:33,447 --> 01:18:35,406
Built a life together?Yes.
1277
01:18:35,449 --> 01:18:37,669
Well, what about Andre,
the buffer boy?
1278
01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,889
It was just a fling.Oh--
1279
01:18:39,932 --> 01:18:42,718
A horrible, thoughtless,
insensitive mistake.Eh--
1280
01:18:42,761 --> 01:18:45,198
But he showed me what
I really wanted--Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1281
01:18:45,242 --> 01:18:47,853
A stable, decent man who will
always be there for me.
1282
01:18:47,897 --> 01:18:51,030
And I thought that
that was you.
1283
01:18:51,074 --> 01:18:53,685
[ Sighs ]
What are you saying?
You want to get back together?
1284
01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:57,123
Well, I did... before
I found out that you were gay.
1285
01:18:59,125 --> 01:19:01,388
How could you think I'm gay?
1286
01:19:01,432 --> 01:19:04,304
You're standing there preening
like a gay peacock,
1287
01:19:04,348 --> 01:19:06,742
and you don't want me
to think you're tutti-frutti?
1288
01:19:06,785 --> 01:19:08,961
For heaven's sake, Felicia!
1289
01:19:09,005 --> 01:19:11,964
I am not gay,
and I never have been gay.
1290
01:19:12,008 --> 01:19:14,227
Then why the hell
are you on this boat?
1291
01:19:14,271 --> 01:19:18,536
Nick--Nick and I got
on this cruise by mistake.
1292
01:19:18,579 --> 01:19:22,105
And then I met this girl
and she assumed I was gay.
1293
01:19:22,148 --> 01:19:25,456
And then I stupidly
went along with it because--
1294
01:19:25,499 --> 01:19:27,632
She's behind me, isn't she?
1295
01:19:27,675 --> 01:19:30,417
[ Sighs ]
1296
01:19:30,461 --> 01:19:32,115
[ Groans ]
1297
01:19:34,334 --> 01:19:36,859
How could you?
1298
01:19:36,902 --> 01:19:39,687
Gabriella, I'm sorry.
1299
01:19:39,731 --> 01:19:42,690
- I tried to tell you.
- You're an asshole, Jerry.
1300
01:19:42,734 --> 01:19:45,476
[ Sighs ]
I-- Ow!
1301
01:19:45,519 --> 01:19:47,652
[ Squeals ] [ Felicia ]
Oh, oh--
1302
01:19:47,695 --> 01:19:50,176
Oh! Oh, oh.Not again!
1303
01:19:50,220 --> 01:19:52,788
Oh.
1304
01:19:54,398 --> 01:19:57,531
That was the girl
I was talking about.
1305
01:19:57,575 --> 01:20:01,622
Well, looks like
you had a dumb fling yourself.
1306
01:20:01,666 --> 01:20:04,495
I tell you what,
if you can forgive me,
1307
01:20:04,538 --> 01:20:06,540
I can certainly forgive you.
1308
01:20:06,584 --> 01:20:10,675
And we can get married just
like you always wanted, Jerry.
1309
01:20:10,718 --> 01:20:12,633
Oh, I love you, baby.
1310
01:20:12,677 --> 01:20:14,592
What do you say?
1311
01:20:17,116 --> 01:20:19,379
[ Man ]
Great. Now one
of the bride and groom...
1312
01:20:19,423 --> 01:20:22,774
staring at each other
lovingly.
1313
01:20:22,818 --> 01:20:25,864
You look so beautiful.Thank you.
1314
01:20:25,908 --> 01:20:28,867
Why don't we both
look beautiful?
1315
01:20:28,911 --> 01:20:30,869
[ Whispering ]
Take out that earring.
1316
01:20:30,913 --> 01:20:33,524
Felicia, may I borrow
Jerry for a moment?
1317
01:20:33,567 --> 01:20:36,440
Of course, Daddy.
1318
01:20:42,272 --> 01:20:45,884
Jerry, uh, before I walk
my baby girl down the aisle,
1319
01:20:45,928 --> 01:20:48,713
tell it to me straight.
1320
01:20:48,756 --> 01:20:52,064
Was this little
high-seas adventure of yours
really an accident?
1321
01:20:53,761 --> 01:20:56,329
Oh, yes, sir.
Definitely an accident.
1322
01:20:56,373 --> 01:20:58,592
Good. Good.Mm-hmm.
1323
01:20:58,636 --> 01:21:01,552
Now remember,
report to work the Monday
after the honeymoon...
1324
01:21:01,595 --> 01:21:03,815
at 6:00 a.m. sharp.
1325
01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:07,036
Yes, sir.A man with your imagination...
1326
01:21:07,079 --> 01:21:10,213
is really gonna love
managing a muffler shop.
1327
01:21:10,256 --> 01:21:13,956
Oh, I'm sure I will, sir.Mm-hmm.
1328
01:21:13,999 --> 01:21:15,871
[ Jerry ]
Felicia is good for me.
1329
01:21:20,353 --> 01:21:24,053
She planned this entire wedding
all by herself.
1330
01:21:25,619 --> 01:21:29,406
Got me a great job
with her father,
1331
01:21:29,449 --> 01:21:32,148
got us a new apartment,
picked out all the linens
and plates,
1332
01:21:32,191 --> 01:21:34,280
and as our wedding gift,
1333
01:21:34,324 --> 01:21:36,892
she gave me
an entire new wardrobe.
1334
01:21:36,935 --> 01:21:39,198
Hmm.
1335
01:21:39,242 --> 01:21:42,375
Yep, the only decision
I have left to make
for the rest of my life...
1336
01:21:42,419 --> 01:21:45,204
is whether I want to be
buried or cremated.
1337
01:21:45,248 --> 01:21:47,685
No, no, I take that back--
1338
01:21:47,728 --> 01:21:50,122
We're being buried side by side.
She told me this morning.
1339
01:22:09,011 --> 01:22:11,230
Hey, Jerry,
I'm sorry I'm late.
1340
01:22:11,274 --> 01:22:13,841
I had a little bit of
a personal crisis this morning.
1341
01:22:13,885 --> 01:22:15,843
Is everything
all right, Pastor?Oh, fine. Fine.
1342
01:22:15,887 --> 01:22:19,282
Just, uh, had a few personal
issues I had to clarify, but--
1343
01:22:19,325 --> 01:22:21,284
Hey, it's your big day.
Nothing's gonna spoil it.
1344
01:22:21,327 --> 01:22:23,721
Glad to see you
finally made it, Reverend.
1345
01:22:23,764 --> 01:22:26,506
I've got a string quartet
back at the Hyatt about to
go into golden time.
1346
01:22:26,550 --> 01:22:28,291
Congratulations, sir.Thank you.
1347
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:31,598
Friends of yours?Yes, sir.
1348
01:22:31,642 --> 01:22:34,123
I met them on the cruise.Oh.
1349
01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,516
So you accidentally hopped
aboard the Guy-tanictoo, huh?
1350
01:22:36,560 --> 01:22:38,823
How's it goin'?
1351
01:22:38,866 --> 01:22:41,043
I guess not.
1352
01:22:41,086 --> 01:22:44,698
Jerry, I'm gonna keep
my eye on you.
1353
01:22:44,742 --> 01:22:46,700
What's up, guys? Hey, come here.
1354
01:22:46,744 --> 01:22:48,746
It's important.
You're not gonna believe this.
1355
01:22:48,789 --> 01:22:50,748
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
1356
01:22:50,791 --> 01:22:54,534
There is no more sacred contract
than the bond of marriage...
1357
01:22:54,578 --> 01:22:57,059
and no more spiritual union...
1358
01:22:57,102 --> 01:23:01,280
than that between a man
and a woman.
1359
01:23:01,324 --> 01:23:04,196
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...
1360
01:23:04,240 --> 01:23:06,024
to bring this man
and this woman...
1361
01:23:06,068 --> 01:23:09,462
together in the eyes of--
1362
01:23:11,987 --> 01:23:14,293
In the eyes of, uh--
1363
01:23:14,337 --> 01:23:16,992
- God?
- God.
1364
01:23:17,035 --> 01:23:18,732
Yeah, yeah.
That's what you say.
1365
01:23:18,776 --> 01:23:20,996
No, that's what you say.
1366
01:23:21,039 --> 01:23:23,215
Yeah, yeah. Well,
I used to until recently.
1367
01:23:23,259 --> 01:23:26,175
I mean, uh, if there
really was a God,
1368
01:23:26,218 --> 01:23:28,046
would he allow my wife
to run off with a contractor...
1369
01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:30,266
who overcharged me
for a bay window?
1370
01:23:30,309 --> 01:23:34,052
But that's my problem.
That's my problem. I'm sorry.
It's your day. Where was I?
1371
01:23:34,096 --> 01:23:37,969
Um, a happy marriage is
the perfect human relationship,
1372
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,711
a setting in which
each partner feels free...
1373
01:23:40,754 --> 01:23:45,977
to be as he or she is
under God's bountiful nature.
1374
01:23:46,021 --> 01:23:49,198
That same nature that
allowed the number-five horse
at Pimlico...
1375
01:23:49,241 --> 01:23:51,722
- to screwme
in a photo finish.
- [ Clears Throat ]
1376
01:23:51,765 --> 01:23:53,898
I'm sorry. Where was I?
Ah, yeah, yeah.
1377
01:23:53,941 --> 01:23:57,467
Um-- Oh-- So if there
is anyone present who feels
there's a reason...
1378
01:23:57,510 --> 01:24:01,297
that these two people
should not be joined
together in holy matrimony,
1379
01:24:01,340 --> 01:24:03,995
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
1380
01:24:09,435 --> 01:24:11,655
[ Minister ]
Okay, fine.
1381
01:24:11,698 --> 01:24:15,050
Jerry, then, if there is no
objection, turn to Felicia
and repeat after me.
1382
01:24:17,139 --> 01:24:20,272
I, Jerry, take you Felicia...
1383
01:24:20,316 --> 01:24:22,405
to be my lawful wedded--Stop. Wait, wait!
1384
01:24:22,448 --> 01:24:24,581
[ Nick ]
Time out! Time out!
1385
01:24:24,624 --> 01:24:26,844
Nick, what are you doing?
1386
01:24:26,887 --> 01:24:28,846
I have to say something.
1387
01:24:28,889 --> 01:24:31,588
If I didn't speak now,
I could never live with myself.
1388
01:24:31,631 --> 01:24:36,941
A couple weeks ago, Jerry
and I took a cruise together.
1389
01:24:36,984 --> 01:24:40,075
It wasn't the cruise
we intended to take, but...
1390
01:24:40,118 --> 01:24:42,381
it was a good thing
we got on the wrong boat,
because...
1391
01:24:42,425 --> 01:24:44,731
it changed our lives forever.
1392
01:24:44,775 --> 01:24:47,343
Jerry, if you marry
Felicia today,
1393
01:24:47,386 --> 01:24:49,910
it will end up in disaster.
1394
01:24:49,954 --> 01:24:53,566
You need to be
with the person you fell
in love with on that boat.
1395
01:24:54,785 --> 01:24:56,787
And I know it,
1396
01:24:56,830 --> 01:24:59,964
because that person...
1397
01:25:00,007 --> 01:25:02,053
is me.Hmm?
1398
01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:05,665
Oh, oh![ Screams ]
1399
01:25:05,709 --> 01:25:07,885
How much of that pot
did you smoke?
1400
01:25:07,928 --> 01:25:11,149
I know where Gabriella is.
If we hurry, we can catch her.
1401
01:25:11,193 --> 01:25:14,021
Jerry, what the hell
is wrong with you?
1402
01:25:14,065 --> 01:25:16,633
You can't humiliate me
like this in front
of my family and my friends!
1403
01:25:16,676 --> 01:25:19,592
My dad is gonna kill you!Come on, Rocco!
1404
01:25:19,636 --> 01:25:22,943
- Come on, boy.
- Daddy!
1405
01:25:22,987 --> 01:25:25,337
Move! Move!
1406
01:25:25,381 --> 01:25:27,992
Daddy, do something! ♪ I need love, love
1407
01:25:28,035 --> 01:25:30,212
♪ To ease my mind
1408
01:25:30,255 --> 01:25:35,565
Where's your car?We're not taking my car.
We'd never make it across town.
1409
01:25:35,608 --> 01:25:37,828
Yoo-hoo! Boys! Boys. ♪ You can't hurry love
1410
01:25:37,871 --> 01:25:40,047
♪ No, you just have to wait [ Siren Wailing ]
1411
01:25:40,091 --> 01:25:42,049
♪ She said love
don't come easy ♪
1412
01:25:42,093 --> 01:25:45,270
Hector, you're a fireman. ♪ It's a game
of give and take ♪
1413
01:25:45,314 --> 01:25:48,969
Yes. I'm September
in our calendar. ♪ You can't hurry love
1414
01:25:50,449 --> 01:25:54,714
- Hey, hey! Stop!
- Thank you, Ernie, dear.
1415
01:25:54,758 --> 01:25:57,761
Call me! ♪ Well, how many heartaches
1416
01:25:57,804 --> 01:26:01,939
♪ Must I stand
Before I find the love ♪♪
1417
01:26:01,982 --> 01:26:05,725
- So where's Gabriella?
- She signed up
to work another cruise.
1418
01:26:05,769 --> 01:26:09,468
- When does she leave port?
- Two hours ago.
1419
01:26:09,512 --> 01:26:11,992
Two hours ago?
1420
01:26:12,036 --> 01:26:14,865
And how am I supposed to
find her in the ocean?
1421
01:26:16,997 --> 01:26:20,131
[ Engine Whirring ]
1422
01:26:20,175 --> 01:26:22,133
[ Jerry ]
I can't do this!
1423
01:26:22,177 --> 01:26:24,309
Oh, I get motion sickness!
1424
01:26:24,353 --> 01:26:26,572
Yes, you can.
Come on, Jerry.
1425
01:26:26,616 --> 01:26:28,444
You're about to be united
with the woman you love.
1426
01:26:28,487 --> 01:26:31,186
What do you think?
1427
01:26:31,229 --> 01:26:33,536
Oh--Why don't you calm down?
1428
01:26:33,579 --> 01:26:36,234
You are in very,
very good hands.
1429
01:26:36,278 --> 01:26:38,236
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
1430
01:26:38,280 --> 01:26:40,238
I know you only
think of me...
1431
01:26:40,282 --> 01:26:42,632
as a hard-partying
old queen,
1432
01:26:42,675 --> 01:26:45,461
but for your information,
I spent 32 years...
1433
01:26:45,504 --> 01:26:47,463
in the armed forces...
1434
01:26:47,506 --> 01:26:50,640
serving Her Majesty,
the real queen.
1435
01:26:50,683 --> 01:26:53,904
I've seen action
in five different
theaters of war.
1436
01:26:53,947 --> 01:26:57,995
I've made over 490 drops,
23 over hostile territory.
1437
01:26:58,038 --> 01:27:00,519
I am what you colonials
might call...
1438
01:27:00,563 --> 01:27:03,261
a bad-assed motherfucker,
1439
01:27:03,305 --> 01:27:05,698
who also happens to be
an expert...
1440
01:27:05,742 --> 01:27:09,354
in the delicate art
of Japanese flower arranging.
1441
01:27:09,398 --> 01:27:12,575
Oh.Over the target, Captain.
1442
01:27:12,618 --> 01:27:16,100
Right.
It's now or never.Eh-- Aaah!
1443
01:27:16,143 --> 01:27:18,320
Come on, Jerry,
get off here. Jump out!
1444
01:27:18,363 --> 01:27:20,583
[ Jerry ]
I can't do this!
1445
01:27:20,626 --> 01:27:24,108
[ Nick ]
Go get her, Jerry!This is a really bad idea!
1446
01:27:24,151 --> 01:27:28,068
[ Jerry Screaming ]
1447
01:27:28,112 --> 01:27:32,247
Wait! I'm gonna be sick.
I mean it. Oh!
1448
01:27:33,248 --> 01:27:35,424
Oh, I felt that one.
1449
01:27:35,467 --> 01:27:38,035
[ Lloyd ]
Good Lord,
you're a crybaby!
1450
01:27:39,863 --> 01:27:42,300
[ Gabriella's Voice ]
Five, six, seven, eight.
1451
01:27:42,344 --> 01:27:45,912
Kick back, head up, down.
1452
01:27:45,956 --> 01:27:48,175
One more time.
1453
01:27:48,219 --> 01:27:51,091
Kick back, head up, down.
1454
01:27:51,135 --> 01:27:54,269
I want it sassy now.
Come on. Kick, plié. [ Jerry Shouting, Indistinct ]
1455
01:27:54,312 --> 01:27:57,750
Head up, down.
And kick, plié.
1456
01:27:57,794 --> 01:27:59,970
[ Jerry Shouting ]
I'm not a person
who likes heights!
1457
01:28:00,013 --> 01:28:03,495
Oh, I don't feel so good.
I don't feel so good.
1458
01:28:04,975 --> 01:28:08,544
Oh, I hate this!
1459
01:28:08,587 --> 01:28:12,199
[ Screaming ]
1460
01:28:12,243 --> 01:28:15,202
- What is that?
- [ Jerry ]
I don't like this!
1461
01:28:15,246 --> 01:28:18,205
[ Lloyd ]
We're over target.
Prepare for release.
1462
01:28:18,249 --> 01:28:20,295
Release! Aaah!
1463
01:28:22,166 --> 01:28:25,256
Ha-ha! Oh, we did it!
1464
01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:28,041
[ Laughing ]
I'm so excited!
1465
01:28:28,085 --> 01:28:32,045
If truth be told, I'm more
than a little excited myself.
1466
01:28:32,089 --> 01:28:34,221
Oh--
Unhook me, please.
1467
01:28:34,265 --> 01:28:36,963
I don't believe this.
1468
01:28:37,007 --> 01:28:41,881
- Help, please.
- This time
I'm gonna let you drown.
1469
01:28:41,925 --> 01:28:43,840
Well, you're gonna have to
drag me over to the deep end,
1470
01:28:43,883 --> 01:28:46,059
'cause it's only about
three-and-a-half feet over here.
1471
01:28:46,103 --> 01:28:48,845
- What are you doing here?
- I was in the neighborhood,
1472
01:28:48,888 --> 01:28:52,196
so I figured,
well, I'd just drop in.
1473
01:28:52,239 --> 01:28:54,198
Good-bye.
1474
01:28:54,241 --> 01:28:56,679
Uh, Gabriella, wait!
Please.
1475
01:28:59,290 --> 01:29:01,466
Mm-hmm?
1476
01:29:01,510 --> 01:29:04,426
I thought I was being
reasonably clever...
1477
01:29:04,469 --> 01:29:07,211
considering I just dropped
1,500 feet out of an airplane.
1478
01:29:07,254 --> 01:29:09,518
Why'd you bother?
1479
01:29:22,269 --> 01:29:24,620
Because I love you.
1480
01:29:24,663 --> 01:29:28,406
Who loves me--
gay Jerry as a friend,
1481
01:29:28,450 --> 01:29:32,889
or is this straight,
lying, deceitful Jerry?
1482
01:29:32,932 --> 01:29:36,153
Hmm?
1483
01:29:36,196 --> 01:29:38,155
You've never met this Jerry.
1484
01:29:38,198 --> 01:29:41,724
This is the extremely sorry,
1485
01:29:41,767 --> 01:29:44,901
unbelievably heartbroken
because you left me,
1486
01:29:44,944 --> 01:29:47,251
will do anything to get you
to forgive me...
1487
01:29:47,294 --> 01:29:49,601
because I want to spend the rest
of my life with you Jerry.
1488
01:29:51,864 --> 01:29:54,127
Well, you listen to me,
Jerry.
1489
01:29:54,171 --> 01:29:56,173
Just because you dropped
out of the sky...
1490
01:29:56,216 --> 01:29:59,219
and made this
grand romantic gesture...
1491
01:29:59,263 --> 01:30:01,308
doesn't mean that
I'm gonna automatically
run into your arms.
1492
01:30:01,352 --> 01:30:03,267
Do you understand that?
Hmm?
1493
01:30:03,310 --> 01:30:05,530
Yes.Good.
1494
01:30:08,490 --> 01:30:11,580
Okay. I'm probably going to,
but you shouldn't automatically
expect it.
1495
01:30:11,623 --> 01:30:14,321
Because if we're gonna have
the kind of relationship...
1496
01:30:14,365 --> 01:30:16,411
where one day you're gonna
be making all these
hurtful fantasies--
1497
01:30:21,285 --> 01:30:23,853
Don't you ever, ever...
1498
01:30:23,896 --> 01:30:25,855
lie to me again.
1499
01:30:25,898 --> 01:30:28,640
I swear.
1500
01:30:36,605 --> 01:30:39,259
I'll never
understand it.
1501
01:30:39,303 --> 01:30:41,392
Neither will I.
1502
01:30:59,497 --> 01:31:02,979
[ Nick, Echoing ]
Inga!
1503
01:31:04,197 --> 01:31:08,027
Inga. Inga.
1504
01:31:08,071 --> 01:31:10,465
Inga.
1505
01:31:12,641 --> 01:31:15,382
[ Knocking ]
1506
01:31:26,002 --> 01:31:27,917
My God.
Oh, my God!
1507
01:31:30,920 --> 01:31:33,879
I'm Nick Ragoni. I'm a friend
of your daughter Inga.
1508
01:31:33,923 --> 01:31:37,056
I've traveled 12,000 miles
to surprise her.
1509
01:31:37,100 --> 01:31:39,494
You poor thing. You look frozen.
Let me help you up.
1510
01:31:41,191 --> 01:31:44,063
[ Groaning ]
Let me and my son
help you up.
1511
01:31:44,107 --> 01:31:45,935
Johan, come over here. Ja.
1512
01:31:45,978 --> 01:31:48,241
Oh--
1513
01:31:48,285 --> 01:31:50,505
Come on.
1514
01:31:50,548 --> 01:31:54,639
This man is obviously
a fan of smoörgaåsbord.
1515
01:31:55,901 --> 01:31:58,034
Ingmar, what's going on?
1516
01:31:58,077 --> 01:32:00,602
Oh, Mother, he's an
American friend of Inga's.
1517
01:32:00,645 --> 01:32:04,475
Oh, I hope you didn't go
too much trouble to get here.
1518
01:32:04,519 --> 01:32:06,782
- Inga's not home.
- What?
1519
01:32:06,825 --> 01:32:09,393
She's gone to Italy
on a modeling assignment.
1520
01:32:09,436 --> 01:32:12,657
- Won't be back
for three months.
- Oh, God, no.
1521
01:32:12,701 --> 01:32:16,008
- I can't believe it.
- You poor boy.
1522
01:32:16,052 --> 01:32:19,446
You look so cold.
You'll join us for dinner.
1523
01:32:19,490 --> 01:32:22,580
Bridgit, get this man
some soup from the stove.
1524
01:32:25,540 --> 01:32:29,848
This is Bridgit.
She wants to be a bikini model,
just like her big sister.
1525
01:32:29,892 --> 01:32:32,982
Nice to meet you.
1526
01:32:33,025 --> 01:32:36,289
And Bridgit's coach will be
joining us for dinner too.
1527
01:32:36,333 --> 01:32:38,944
[ Woman Gasps ]
1528
01:32:40,903 --> 01:32:43,253
Oh--
1529
01:32:43,296 --> 01:32:46,517
Oh, Nicholas.
1530
01:32:46,561 --> 01:32:49,259
Hello.
1531
01:32:49,302 --> 01:32:51,304
We meet again.
110728
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