Original subtitles

Lars von Trier presents

The ground underneath the Kingdom is an old swamp.

The bleaching ponds used to be here.

Once, the bleach men rinsed their linens in the shallow water -

to get them bleached.

The vapor enfolded the area in a permanent fog.

Later, the Kingdom was built here -

and the bleach men were replaced with doctors and scientists -

and the country's sharpest minds and impeccable technology.

And to crown the achievement the place was named the Kingdom.

Life would be defined -

and ignorance and superstition would never again challenge science.

Perhaps the arrogance has become too great -

just as the consistent denial of the spiritual -

for it appears, the chill and the damp have returned.

Small marks of fatigue are emerging -

on the otherwise sturdy and modern buildings.

So far, none among the living knows -

but the gate to the Kingdom is opening up once again.

THE KINGDOM

Part 11 Big Brother

Do you know where Little Brother is?

Here you go, Mona.

Vanilla rings.

"Follow the carotid arteries."

Thank you, Drusse.

Thank you, Drusse.

The snake is the doctors. The birds are the spirits.

The regal tiger is the hospital.

Yoo-hoo!

Do you notice anything different about me?

- Oh, do take a closer look. - No, I don't see any difference.

Why, I've had the other leg amputated as well.

Indeed. So you have.

- I'm sorry. - Well, it does look dramatic.

But the story behind it is rather amusing.

You and I have a lot of Elevator Goblin chatting to do.

Hi, Little Brother.

I'm Big Brother.

First came Little Brother.

And then me.

My spirit and my tissue are in even the smallest brick -

they put in the Kingdom.

I've had great power.

I could move buildings and walls.

But now my power has waned.

What's that in your ear?

It's the key to the gate.

Could you try to show me -

how much power you have over the Kingdom?

The Kingdom is raging!

What does it mean, all this rumbling and swaying walls?

The Gatekeeper has been found. That's what all this rumbling means.

- And now what? - We don't know.

But we're in for a bumpy Christmas.

Why did you call for help?

I'm drowning in a pool of my own tears.

My heart is sick.

Unless I get help -

I'll drown.

And I won't be able to be the Gatekeeper -

who all alone shall bear the responsibility for Exodus.

- What the fuck's he doing? - What a lamebrain!

He can't get out.

Halfmer!

Halfmer!

Dad was a giant.

- Cleaning. - No, no, no. Not now.

Halfmer!

Halfmer! Halfmer!

The door is locked. The door is securely locked.

It is securely locked -

in compliance with the closed doors extensive -

and not least Danish policy.

Are we going on holiday or to work?

Bah!

No, no, no!

What are you doing? What are you doing, man?!

I'll either treat you like a god for the rest of my life -

carve out a small totem pole in your image -

or I'll punch you in the face here and now.

- He hit me! - No, hir hit you!

Easy now. I can walk by myself.

I'm calm... I'm calm.

Take it easy, guys.

Hir will keep hitting you!

What are you doing, man?! Are you insane?

Let go of me, dammit!

Gross!

- What is the diagnosis? - Verruca plantaris.

The Hospital Director suffers from a commonplace plantar wart.

Had it been more serious, we could've pressed him on the proton accelerator.

Administrative healthcare professionals are hypochondriacs.

- Have you told him it's a wart? - No...

- I thought we'd do it now. - God, no!

Bob hasn't got a clue about Latin or symptoms.

Let's say I'm the specialist, okay?

Come in.

- Who are you? - I'm the specialist.

- Hell, we all are. - This is my colleague from Neuro.

She just told me about your distinct limp. It doesn't look good.

We have to act asap.

I rather hoped it was just a wart.

Well, life is a journey between hope and despair.

Look, am I sick or well?

Well, that's always an interesting question.

And one that we in our profession often get.

I do understand the importance from the patient's perspective.

What my colleague is trying to say is that from a clinical perspective -

the question is rather: Is the patient more or less sick?

Yes, life leads -

unfortunately, sooner or later, to death.

- Isn't there anything to be done? - No.

- Not at the Kingdom. - Where, then?

We're transferring you to a better-equipped hospital.

Better-equipped?

We've asked the helicopter to rush you to Skejby.

What has Skejby got that we haven't?

A proton accelerator.

Please leave me alone. I have an important call to make -

that I should have made years ago.

- So... - Yes.

- Is that you, Einar? - Who wants to know?

- It's Bob from school. - Bob? Doesn't ring a bell. Stupid name.

Perhaps, but my father was a man of few words so the name had to be short.

What do you want, Bob?

I owe you an apology.

It has weighed me down most of my life.

Just look at where we are.

You're Director of Skejby and I've had to settle for the Kingdom.

Get to the point. I don't know about the Kingdom, but Skejby's a busy place.

I did it.

I cut up Anne-Lise's panties.

I didn't think Anne-Lise met your...

high standards.

I didn't want you to marry a slut.

- Anne-Lise? - Yes?

Bob cut up the panties your mother bought with her last savings.

I know. He came on to me, the pathetic little man.

This is really about the proton accelerator, isn't it?

It's a terrible mistake that Skejby got it.

It belongs at the Kingdom. Just send it over here, and I won't be mad anymore.

Not on your life.

Somebody's been fiddling with the jigsaw puzzle.

- We're surrounded by pieces. - It's a giant jigsaw puzzle.

A puzzle nobody needs to solve -

and those puzzles are the most dangerous of all.

If you have to search the entire hospital for Big Brother's heart -

you have your work cut out for you.

It is Hook, isn't it? How many did you kill that night?

21?

THE TOADS

Pant, pant, pant and push.

- No! - You're doing great.

Hello.

Good morning.

- Good morning. - Morning.

Welcome. Do take your time.

Are we all here?

A crime has been committed.

Right under our noses. Right under our noses!

And let me tell you, Pontopidan -

that I expect a police investigation.

Not to mention a conviction. Yes, please.

But Halfmer, the police? What on earth has happened?

We have cherished a snake in our bosom.

A doctor at Neurosurgical has committed a crime.

I'm Swedish. I'm dutiful.

I've called the police.

Dammit, Halfmer.

A Kingdom doctor on trial...

would be forced to resign and become a GP in the sticks... the boonies even.

The press would hunt him down.

Finally an iota of justice even in this goddamn country. Thank you.

- The police. - Goodness! Finally some efficiency.

- Thank you for coming. - Are you Helmer?

I'm Helmer. Welcome. I called.

I'm the victim as you can see. And there's the perpetrator.

All I know is that the car has to be moved.

Are you the user of a rental car Volvo...

- I drive a Volvo, yes. - CY 34930. Is that you?

- What's that? - Do you have a Volvo...

- I have a Volvo... - The parking company called us.

About an illegally parked car in the ambulance bay -

despite repeated warnings.

I don't understand...

We're talking about a crime of a completely different caliber.

He's the perpetrator.

He hit me as you can perhaps see.

I can't. You'll have to pay the towing fee.

If I were you, I wouldn't hope for a fast reaction from the law. If any.

If we were to intervene in all the hospital doctor disputes -

I'd do nothing else.

You're not the first Swedish wise guy to pick a fight at the Kingdom.

Remember: I never forget a Swedish mug.

- Merry Christmas to you all. - Merry Christmas.

As I was about to say, this is an unpleasant case but not uncommon.

In this country, we handle matters internally.

- Internally? - See it from our perspective.

I am, for Christ sakes!

That's exactly what I'm doing!

If I were dead now, if this were a murder case -

would common practice and the police still protect him?

I don't follow!

There's no precedence of doctors actually killing each other -

but I sense that you're angry.

Yes... and Naver is angry, too.

But not angry with me, remember that. Okay, we're back on track.

We must ride off the anger through an internal court-martial.

Internal court-martial? What does that mean?

Internal crime requires internal fine.

What kind of country is this? What is this Danish babble?!

It's one of the key unwritten rules at the Kingdom.

I have a strong sense that the general consensus is -

to call an internal court-martial. But we'll have a judge and jury and all.

- Right, Mogge? - Yes, sir. As usual.

The judges are select toads.

- Toads? - Yes, the emeritoads.

It'll work out just fine. For Naver, too.

Thank you for meeting my legal... proposal without any counterclaims.

It's very big of you.

Don't be too sure about that.

Nothing is big in this country.

Let me make one thing clear.

This is only the beginning. It's going to get worse.

Worse for each day.

Bah!

- What's on your mind, Pontopidan? - Oh, pardon me, Mr. Hospital Director.

- Are the peas fine? - They're okay.

I mean... are they medium-fine?

It is against the rules to store food in the juice fridge freezers.

Private foodstuffs are banned in a surgical department.

They attract vermin.

Speaking of juice...

Idea... Juice dilution!

Eh? 25% throughout the hospital. That would yield a net saving.

The Minister of Health would be delighted.

- What do you think, Pontopidan? - Well, why not?

- Is your patience game still too hard? - I really don't have time for that.

My foot hurts, don't you understand?

And stop doing my jigsaw puzzle!

I swear that none of us has been in your office.

Karen?

Karen?

Karen...

Karen?

You're not dead, are you?

There you go.

- There... - No, Bulder.

I've found a cavity.

There's a hollow space in there.

Do we have some plaster? If we pour plaster through the hole -

we'll get a cast of what was once in there.

Like at the Pompeii excavations.

I sense that such a cast has got something to do with Exodus.

- We'll have to tear down the wall. - Well, Mrs. Drusse had walls torn down.

I'll see what I can do.

Push me over to the window.

But... that's us.

Go out into the world and make all peoples my disciples!

- I met your child. - Little Brother?

He calls himself Big Brother now. Can't you hear him?

- No, I can't hear a thing. - Use your stethoscope.

- Where is he? - Everywhere.

He is in every brick of the Kingdom.

But Big Brother's heart is hurting.

He's crying a sea of tears and he's drowning in them.

We have to help him and find his heart.

A mother knows so much.

Try to think.

In the old days, I'd have asked Hook.

I know where Hook is. He's locked up with the toads.

All I need is a key.

It looks like a little toad.

Just put it in the corner.

We have distinguished visitors from the opium den. Welcome.

Welcome. We dragged the emeritoads out -

after their morning nap and before their afternoon nap.

Welcome, honorable emeritoads.

The court-martial is now in session and legally competent.

Judge Antonsen presiding as usual -

a Jesus at his last supper.

I watched C-beams -

glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.

Mogge is appointed counsel for Naver -

who as the defendant has the right to remain silent.

And Anna will defend Halfmer.

I'll either buy you the finest cigars in the world and a superior cognac -

or I take this entire jury and shove it up Pontopidan's ass.

- Way up. - That's right, Naver. Let it all out.

If everyone is accounted for -

I consider this trial an open-and-shut case.

I call the witness Mrs. Svendsen.

- Naver did it. - 7-8 more witnesses corroborate that.

As well as a video I've sent to all of you -

so please have a look.

I'll either treat you like a god the rest of my life -

carve out a small totem pole in your image -

or I'll punch you in the face here and now.

- He hit me! - No, hir hit you!

DEPARTMENT OF CARDIOVASCULAR SURGERY

I just want to help.

I'd like to point out something.

To determine the question of guilt, my client's actions aren't the only focus.

Halfmer commits a deadly sin as the video documents.

- Halfmer defends himself. - Precisely. With his hands!

A surgeon's most precious instrument.

A surgeon used to wear gloves filled with Vaseline when not in the OR.

- His hands meant that much to him. - Dad!

- Let go. What is going on? - Let them talk.

Having established that Halfmer doesn't take his profession seriously -

sheds another light on the case.

Look. There it is.

Interesting.

We can explore it without plaster.

I see.

I've done a 3D scan now.

I'll have old sawbones 3D print it in full size.

Thanks.

- Great. - Yes.

If there's no more evidence to produce, let the jury consider their verdict.

I propose myself as presiding juror.

If anyone objects, raise your hand... now.

Well, the vote is unanimous.

There's no doubt whatsoever. Naver is guilty of assaulting Halfmer.

Naver is a good man.

- He is guilty beyond doubt. - Bah!

As for the punishment, Halfmer is sentenced -

to an hour in the stocks in the Lodge.

But if Naver is guilty, why punish Halfmer?

In Denmark, we have...

our ways.

Allow me to quote Wessel:

The blacksmith in a small town committed a murder.

As the custom dictated a life for a life...

the blacksmith was sentenced to death.

The townsfolk went to the judge...

to complain bitterly.

Without the blacksmith, all trade and production would come to a halt.

On the other hand, the town had two bakers but only need of one.

The judge sentenced -

one of the bakers to death instead.

Oh, how he screamed as they dragged him to the gallows.

Anyway... Naver is the only one at this hospital -

versed in the proton accelerator.

If we offend Naver -

we may drive him to Skejby.

Better then to make the baker suffer for the blacksmith and punish...

Halfmer.

The court therefore sentences Halfmer -

to an hour in the stocks in the basement.

Furthermore, a conversation ban is imposed.

The court rises.

My brain's twitching.

He's dead. Should I start CPR?

He's had 20 good years on opium in the emeritoads' den.

Let's leave it at that.

Rest in peace, Antonsen.

The court rises.

I have to meet a man from the cleaning department.

Anderson. He has my carton.

I don't have time for this. Look, here we are -

and here is Anna -

in all her voluptuousness.

And if I may say, without...

Here you are with your pretty pebbles.

With your nipples, I mean.

And I don't mean anything by it!

- Grab him. - You're so lovely. Let go!

I have a lot... Let go!

- What's that? - The cast Kalle had made for us.

- It's the spawn of Babylon! - I'll be damned!

No invoking.

We've had a cast made.

Here.

- Is that of any use to you? - I believe so.

- Good of you to come. - I think I've found the heart.

I think I've found juice. Much too concentrated.

I thought so. This pitcher has a juice concentration of 22%.

The requirement requires max. 15%.

A minimal saving, perhaps -

but considering how much juice is consumed at the hospital in one day...

You've been asked to stay in bed.

Stop treating me like a patient! I'll go where I want to!

Where's Camilla? I haven't seen her in a while.

- Camilla left the hospital. - But she has the entire explanation.

- We must take a look at that heart. - Yes.

Here, Bulder.

I hope I can fall asleep.

Bulder, tell me about your childhood.

I'm from the country. We called it the country then, anyway.

In the country, you have to pitch in.

For better or for worse, you're part of something bigger.

Let me just put in a remark about my birth...

The freak is of Babylon's blood. It is the spawn of Babylon.

Babylon?

The mother of the harlots and earthly abominations.

Oh dear.

Oh dear isn't enough. Looking straight at Babylon -

is like looking at the darkness from before anything existed.

Show me the heart.

- What's going on here? - Dr. Antonsen just died, sir.

You're wrong.

- I just wrote the death certificate. - And yet I tell you he is not dead.

Everyone agrees that a hospice is the right place for dear old Antonsen -

to spend his last days. But what do you know?

Antonsen never makes it to his hospice -

because he passes away in the ambulance on the way there.

Thus not impacting the death rate of the Kingdom in any way.

Man, we're on a roll! Please wheel out the patient.

If there aren't any vacant ambulances, just...

throw him in a taxi.

The heart is in there. The skeleton key doesn't work.

I see it clearly.

I'm sure you'll soon see with a mother's eyes.

I need to get in there to diagnose it. We need help.

Perhaps Hook can fix some kind of machine. If we can talk him into it.

Easy, I'm coming.

Can I just meet with, if I may use that word, the arrestee?

- No, he has been arrested. - Hence the word in the perfect tense.

As the arrestee's counsel, I am entitled to -

10 minutes' intercourse/conference before the punishment.

Okay, 10 minutes. And not a second longer.

We'll wait over there.

Those nice things you said earlier...

were they true?

So true!

So true!

What made you utter them? You've met me many times before.

What was so new that you had to say it?

You make me flustered.

Tell me about your feelings.

I daren't.

If I hold your hand, you do.

Your nipples... those nipples...

What about them?

I don't recall noticing them before.

The curve of your breasts.

I know that it's every woman's right -

to expose or not to...

expose.

What would you like most of all to do with your hands?

Give them to me!

Give me your breasts. Give me your nipples.

- Good evening. - Hello, K. Svensson.

Give me your nipples.

Give them to me.

The antidote. Let's go, Judith.

Call if you have any questions.

- No, no, no... - Hang on.

I have something for the arrestee.

There. Now I'm in compliance with the Kingdom dress code.

Here you go, arrestee.

- Let's go. - The bottle's gone.

Wait, the bottle's gone! It's that idiot!

The idiot took Dad's little bottle!

THE TOADS

Hook.

Hook.

It's time to use the antidote. We'll see what kind of mood he'll wake up in.

Wake up and drink this.

Drink or we'll have to give you an IV.

There you go. That's right.

Damn, they made good tents back then.

Mogge, what are you doing here?

Is all this really Hook's doing?

He was shunned by everyone after he cut the power and killed 21 people.

So he had to go into business for himself.

In China, a happy life entailed working hard in your youth to feed your family.

When you reached a certain age, you could retire to an opium den -

and live in an opium bliss until you died.

Why are they lying on those uncomfortable things?

They are authentic hollow opium pillows.

You put your few belongings inside it so they won't get stolen.

When the smoker sleeps, his body covers the pillow -

and this one even has a lock.

- Is he clear-headed now? - It seems so.

Good. We need to open a door at Cardio.

The skeleton key doesn't work. It's rather urgent.

That one goes...

It's amazing what you can get at IKEA nowadays.

Try the other one.

I suspect there's something in the right ventricle.

Prep for surgery.

- Prep for surgery. - Knife.

Prepare suction.

Spreader!

Check for steady circulation.

- Wait, something's wrong. - Losing pressure.

Fibrillation!

- Start CPR. Hurry! - Starting CPR.

One, two, three, four...

13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19...

He's losing a lot of blood.

We're losing him!

Chicken feet and lots of beets and broth go in the stew

if you're in the Kingdom's stocks the blame is all on you.

The blood gushes through the gutter -

from the Grand Square in Stockholm.

Christian the Tyrant is having a ball.

But what a ball.

Almost one hundred are murdered -

on the scaffold in the Grand Square.

There's a bellowing from the woods.

A rumbling from the mountains.

War!

War!

Danish scum!

Damn, it's back!

And still nothing on the radar.

Cardiac arrest!

Birthright. A somewhat old-fashioned notion, not to say biblical.

According to the Bible, Esau sold his birthright to his twin brother, Jacob -

for a bowl of red stew.

Later, Jacob tricked their father into giving him his blessing -

thanks to his mother's cunning plan.

Generally speaking, the Bible only uses female characters for scheming.

Why am I going on about birthright in this little story of ours?

It's somewhat vague in the case of Big Brother and Little Brother -

as Little Brother undeniably came first. But does it even matter?

I can only encourage the viewers, with or without birthright -

to bravely keep tuning in -

and consider whether the answers outnumber the enigmas or vice versa.

And of course to be prepared, with a repentant Lars von Trier at the helm -

in the Bible, the world and the Kingdom, to take the good with the evil.