Original subtitles

It's too soon. They need you at the Kingdom.

Krogshøj is... dead.

Apparently dead?

You give him the antidote, and then he turns into a zombie.

But it has to be administered within 72 hours.

Murder.

Show me a better man, and I am his.

There will be an accident!

The birds of passage are the spirits.

The snake was the doctors, and the tiger... I don't know.

This is unacceptable.

If there is discipline in Neuro, there is discipline across the Kingdom.

What issues need to be fixed? Something in your head?

Shall we dispense with the foolishness and get to the point?

I want the Minister of Health as good as new! I demand it!

Philip Marco? Downtown? The world's greatest surgeon.

- The sarcoma... - The sarcoma is still there. It's big.

I would like to have it removed now. It's not even safe inside me.

In all that silliness lies evil!

I want him severely punished. He's ruined Mona forever.

HELP ME

I swapped them in Pathology to pay our respects.

Jørgen Krogshøj is probably being cremated as we speak.

Die, rat!

"Get help like Mary."

I would like to try to find out how to help you all.

If I need you, I shall say the word 'spiritus'.

- Do something unexpected! - Hi, Falcon.

My dear friends, why are you so uneasy?

- Deus inferus est. - What are you doing?

- Niger album est. - What are you doing?

Deus vester non est.

Lars von Trier presents

The ground underneath the Kingdom is an old swamp.

The bleaching ponds used to be here.

Once, the bleach men rinsed their linens in the shallow water -

to get them bleached.

The vapor enfolded the area in a permanent fog.

Later, the Kingdom was built here -

and the bleach men were replaced with doctors and scientists -

and the country's sharpest minds and impeccable technology.

And to crown the achievement the place was named the Kingdom.

Life would be defined -

and ignorance and superstition would never again challenge science.

Perhaps the arrogance has become too great -

just as the consistent denial of the spiritual -

for it appears, the chill and the damp have returned.

Small marks of fatigue are emerging -

on the otherwise sturdy and modern buildings.

So far, none among the living knows -

but the gate to the Kingdom is opening up once again.

THE KINGDOM

Part 7 Gargantua

Aspiring ER intern Moesgaard reporting for duty.

Oh, my. We have customers.

How simple the world is down here. A splinter in the finger? Certainly.

Let's get some iodine, shall we?

Oh, that's odd.

He changed his mind.

- Five minutes clean! - I nail it every time.

So what's next? This is doing me a world of good.

- The professor is vegetating. - You can take room 3.

Forceps and iodine. The best a doctor's bag has to offer.

Dammit. I wanted to blow Death of the Fox.

He deserves it.

I accidentally blew mess call. That's no good.

I just felt he should have Death of the Fox to send him off.

- Easy now. So you were out hunting? - He wasn't dead!

He banged on the lid. So I unscrewed it.

I have a pocket knife. It opens beers as well.

There isn't much we can do about death. Let's have a look at the patient.

- It's Krogshøj... - Yes.

- But he isn't dead. - No. That's the thing.

Argh! Constantly false information.

- It's not easy, you know. - No, I can see that.

I never liked you one bit, Moesgaard.

I found the iodine... Where's the splinter patient?

Thank you.

I doubt iodine will do the trick here.

I'm afraid the spirits did this.

And they seemed so peaceful. It's very odd.

Do you have the iodine? Room 7. A superficial cut.

I shot him!

Don't worry, Dr. Helmer. I'll apply iodine. It may sting a bit.

Dammit!

The best part about the ER is that it cleanses your mind.

Things are cut'n'dry. I have patients in rooms 2, 5 and 10.

Will the professor vegetate with them before or after the break?

- After the break, I think. - Yes, I expected as much.

- Did we forget anything? - What did we forget?

The big child.

It is a sign to show us that we are halfway.

No more, no less.

- It was bound to happen. - What was bound to happen?

That an illegitimate child was conceived here.

Half dead, half alive...

Half human, half non-human.

As you may have heard, Helmer had an accident with his hunting weapon.

But we've agreed to keep that story to ourselves.

Mrs. Drusse has had a terrible shock.

She unfortunately witnessed the death of the hospital chaplain.

I gather it was a simple hemorrhage, but that in itself can look pretty bad.

Just in case Mrs. Drusse starts theorizing over the episode -

for God's sake don't mention it.

And Krogshøj is back with us.

Let's not go into that.

Rumor has it the hospital director is on the prowl, but it's a secret.

May I remind you that the Minister of Health's surgery -

did not live up to our expectations?

But I suppose it's best if that is not mentioned either.

I would like a word in my office.

Dr. Helmer. The Blue...

I thought we were meeting in your office.

As it happens, I decide that.

Don't touch me. Don't.

I could report you for attempted murder.

Some of my belongings have ended up with you by mistake.

I'm afraid I need them back immediately.

Shall I call, or will you?

Hi, Mom. I can't wait to get better -

so that we can be together.

- A man came to see me. - A doctor?

What did he say?

He said he'd come back when you're here.

But, Mom, don't believe what he tells you.

- He's lying. He's lying, Mom. - Yes, sweetie.

Pardon me, but I promised my old friend Gerda -

that she would see spirits, and they're usually in this room.

But it doesn't look like there are any.

No, we'll look somewhere else.

That's odd. They're always in there.

How nice of you to come.

I have more time now that I've left the editorial office. In protest.

I couldn't accept that the Messenger would be made on a computer.

Electronic word processing? My texts don't need processing.

Yes, yes, let me tell you what this is all about.

Birds of passage gather around a lighthouse.

The Kingdom seems to be a lighthouse, and I, perhaps, its keeper.

I have spoken with the spirits, and they have promised to hold back -

until I summon them.

The only thing I'm worried about is that they killed the chaplain.

No. Spirits don't kill. I assure you.

Spirits are not violent.

Go away. Don't tell my mother all your lies.

Do you hear me?

You have no shame.

I would think it's quite normal to visit one's own newborn.

You're not my dad. Mommy, say he's lying!

That's enough! I don't give a shit if you're a ghost. You caused all this.

What do you want? You should go.

I love you, and I love our child.

That's why I've come to help even though it's at my own peril.

I perpetrated a crime against Mary.

I must atone for it till the end of the world, but I love the two of you.

- How could you possibly help? - I'm not at liberty to say.

Just know that I can save his life.

- What do I do? - Leave me alone with him.

Listen, sweetie.

This is Åge. A friend from the past.

I want you to listen to what he has to say.

- Is he going to lie some more? - No, he won't lie.

Spiritus.

Spiritus.

They went away. How odd.

Oh, here's one.

Drusse. Look, I can poke my hand right through.

- Gerda, do you smell that? - Smell what?

Sulfur.

- It's not a ghost. - Then what is it?

- It's a demon. - What's the difference?

A ghost is a haunting spirit -

but a demon is the personification of Satan.

Åge Krüger...

That's why they disappeared. The spirits.

They could feel his presence.

Just like yesterday in the auditorium.

Åge Krüger killed the pastor.

Drusse, you know that a demon only comes when it's summoned, right?

Someone in this hospital must be worshipping the devil.

This is the hospital director.

He would like to talk to random employees -

to get a sense of the operation of the hospital. Any comments?

In my view, we finally have efficient management -

capable of challenging the reign of the attendings.

Would you repeat that?

In my view, we finally have efficient management -

capable of challenging the reign of the attendings.

What was that for, Nivesen? Have you lost your mind?

I... feigned an attack on you to see if the orderly would come to your aid.

- Well, he didn't. - No, but that's a healthy sign.

A certain measure of class hatred is needed to keep an organization running.

I can't help but feel this was all staged.

- How so? - I'm not sure.

- In my view... - Yes, yes. Excellent.

I'm glad you have such a clear view of the management.

Dr. Helmer.

I thought we were meeting in your beautiful office.

Shut up and push me.

I want you to get the anesthesiology report from Mona's surgery.

Krogshøj has it.

Especially if you harbor any hopes of passing your exam.

I can be mean-spirited when provoked.

It lost a horn, so we removed the other one so it wasn't asymmetric.

Dr. Helmer. I've cleared your desk of everything except the Blue Demand Study.

How am I supposed to get in there?

Cut back as you please in this wretched hospital -

but when you penny-pinch to the point of sacrificing access for wheelchairs -

you've gone too goddamn far!

For God's sake, Christian, why are you constantly in here?

It gives me food for thought.

Food for thought? You have no care in the world, man.

If you had my problems, you wouldn't need to seek out other people's.

I'm a wreck.

I can't move an inch without Camilla demanding sex.

I see her erect nipples in my sleep. If I ever got any sleep, that is.

The man who drove the ambulance...

I'm sure he tried to avoid me and hit the truck instead.

But he got scared.

I just know he considered sacrificing himself, but lost his nerve.

He had a choice, but I ended up paying the price.

What causes a man to play around with other people's lives?

How will my wife and children manage now?

I can't help them.

Dr. Helmer, there's a Swede waiting for you in your office.

He says he's a lawyer.

Send the idiot to the patient toilet. I'll meet him there.

9... times 10.

Wait, wait a minute.

If we cut into it, it's no longer the world's biggest hepatosarcoma.

How can it be used for research if you don't cut it?

Let me think.

Pardon me, but...

Isn't this one of the life choices you talk about all the time?

Isn't it like this: Either you have a collection or you have research?

In Brussels they chose to have a collection instead of doing research.

Science, Professor Bondo. Science.

Oh, you're so... young.

No, let me think.

I'm not feeling very well.

I had tests done this morning. I can't do this today.

I thought we were meeting in your office.

It's about the Mona case. How do I get out of it?

- Did the police interview you? - Why?

No harm done as long as you didn't sign a witness statement.

But the police said I had to.

I know nothing of Danish legal peculiarities -

so I suggest we apply a Swedish defense strategy.

What the hell is that?

The most diabolical weapon democracy has given us.

Something our country is known for.

Time, time, time.

- We'll drag it out. - I could've come up with that myself.

If it works as well as it does in a country like ours -

imagine what it can do here in the Danish madhouse.

Dr. Magnus son in Uppsala applied this strategy.

It is all about preventing the case from going to trial, at all costs.

Witnesses disappear. The case goes cold due to insufficient evidence.

- So what do I do? - Make sure it doesn't go to trial.

A process server will show up with a yellow envelope.

- He will ask if you're Stig Helmer. - And I say no. I always do.

No, you don't respond at all.

If he cannot prove you're you and that you know about it, it won't hold up.

What a moronic rule.

It's a moronic country.

- It's time, Helmer. - What?

My colleagues have mixed opinions about my qualities -

but they all agree on my ability to smell a process server a mile off.

A Swedish process server has a pungent smell. He's here now.

- So what do I do? - A little legal advice?

Run. Or rather, roll.

I'm from the City Court of Copenhagen. I have a subpoena to serve!

Are you Stig G. Helmer?

Sanne...

I'm Falcon.

And I'm a little dove Falcon wants to dig its claws into.

So dig your claws in instead of talking so much.

Sanne, did you hear me?

I may have found a secret passion transcending all reason...

Dammit, Christian! I'm watching splatter!

Go be boring with someone else.

Helmer?

Helmer, are you asleep?

Is there nowhere one can find peace and quiet in this department?

I'm glad I ran into you.

I think I've found a treatment that will hit the nail right on the head.

Rebirthing.

Perhaps that would be good for you too, Helmer?

Perhaps you should look at a few minor issues from your past.

May I come in?

Has Åge Krüger been here?

I thought as much since there are no spirits here.

But they have started to return. Do you see them?

- I don't see anything. - No. That's okay.

I thought you might need someone to talk to.

They say he's dying.

That he'll grow into his death.

Yes, it would appear so. What a shame.

What did Åge Krüger want?

He said he could save my child.

But Little Brother won't have anything to do with him.

Let's look at this logically.

You wouldn't know this -

but we have evidence that Åge Krüger is a demon.

But perhaps you had your suspicions?

As he is the child's father, and you are the child's mother -

you might call it a fusion between the demonic and the human.

Little Brother has the potential for both.

- You mean he is evil? - On the contrary.

Little Brother desperately wants only the good -

so he represses all the demonic, and that is very beautiful.

But why is he so big?

Little Brother is big because deep inside he knows -

he harbors evil.

And that the only decent thing is to reveal it to the world.

- You cannot change that. - But Åge said he could save him.

Only if Little Brother embraces the evil inside him.

But Little Brother has said no -

and thus delivered himself to death.

But you should take pride in that.

And that's why the spirits are here.

They've come to sing Little Brother's praises.

You may not be able to see all the souls -

but perhaps you can sense the respect and love -

they have for Little Brother.

Try closing your eyes.

I will help you.

One day you will be able to see them -

and that is something you should look forward to.

It does not fit. There is not enough room.

No, it is too big.

Like the child.

Then it cannot be a glass.

Maybe a vase.

- Or a pitcher. - It is not a pitcher.

- And it is not a vase. - Then what is it?

If it is not a glass, a pitcher or a vase -

then it is nothing.

Then you do not have to wash it!

Because 'nothing' cannot be filthy.

Take it and keep it close to your heart.

But why the Kingdom? Why are all the spirits here?

And the ghosts, the strange child and the demon?

Why is it all happening here?

Why is someone worshipping evil here?

So many questions.

Honestly, Bulder. You really must carry your part of the load.

You must be able to answer those questions.

Bulder. Where do you feel most comfortable?

We must find a place where you feel comfortable.

I fear the director has started to put the pieces together.

You should take a stroll in the park come fall.

You will see the impressive stag. It roars and puffs itself up -

and butts right and left -

but putting pieces together is not in its repertoire.

I cannot feel the slightest effect of the test drug.

I don't think it's working.

There are limits to how long I can keep this thing afloat.

Hi, Hook.

I see it all clearly now, Mogge.

All the mess must go. The impure.

Why have I been passed over for so long?

Why am I only a resident?

It's because I'm too great for them. But now it's my turn.

Time to clean house. I'm too clever for them, Mogge.

Yes, of course you are.

Like with the anesthesiology report. No one could find it.

- How did you do it? - We won't talk about that now, Mogge.

We'll talk about my brain and all the things it can do for the hospital.

My brain, right Mogge?

Yes, we should talk at length about it.

- Another beer? - He's comfortable enough, thank you.

Let's get to work. Are you ready, Bulder?

I will help you go on a journey. In your imagination, Bulder.

You will travel to the core of this building.

You will encounter the soul of the Kingdom. Close your eyes, Bulder.

Your whole body goes limp.

Feel how the warmth spreads. You become sleepy.

When you're ready to travel, find a way to let me know.

Yes, good. You're melting.

You're melting and running down between -

the bricks and elements of the house.

You can get in everywhere.

Slowly...

Slowly you work your way into the inner core of the building.

Tell me what you see, Bulder.

It's dark.

There's a light.

Go towards the light, Bulder.

I'm in the lowest basement...

in a long hallway.

There's something written on the wall.

Go to it, Bulder.

What does it look like?

There are letters -

molded in the wall.

- It says THE KINGDOM. - Yes? Yes?

No, they're not molded in the wall.

They're hanging.

Oh, I knocked them down.

- Let me pick them back up... - No. Wait, Bulder.

Look at the letters before you pick them up.

It says...

TIGER.

There's a tiger. It's coming towards me.

Turn yourself into something else. Use your imagination!

Turn yourself into an animal, Bulder, so you can save yourself.

What did you turn yourself into?

A penguin.

A penguin? You turned yourself into a penguin?

- Are you a total idiot? - Pingu...

It's all ruined. Oh, Bulder. You may as well come home now.

I'm sorry, Mom.

It's just like the painting in the room of Swedenborg.

With the tiger, the birds and the snake.

I wish I could remember exactly what it looks like.

- I have it at home. - Nonsense.

It's a cool painting. Back from my acid days.

I tore it out of a magazine. I keep it in a box.

There's a lion, a snake and a bunch of birds. Really trippy.

Now you mention it. It could be from a magazine.

Why didn't you mention it? Bulder, go get the box.

Hurry up. Do I have to do everything myself?

I should have known. Of course, the regal tiger is the Kingdom.

Anna Gram was my pseudonym when I wrote for the Messenger.

- Can you feel it tightening? - It's tight alright.

- Here comes the labor. - They're coming now?

Yes. The world is calling. There is no way back.

You must push your way through the narrow passage!

How do you feel about the most arduous journey of your life? Scream it!

- It was rather uncomfortable... - Horrific, am I right?

When you tightened the blanket.

- So you don't want to do this. - Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I just thought there'd be a bit more bells and whistles.

Here I am, giving you the most important moment of your life on a silver platter.

And I greatly appreciate it.

I don't think I can help you. I need to think this through. Bah!

Welcome, Brethren, to the tribunal.

Remember, that before we can fight the occult in our surroundings -

we must acknowledge our own tendencies. Find the seed in ourselves.

We must all be open to this process, however humiliating it may seem.

Sinners, confess, and your sin shall be lifted from you.

Chamomile tea.

- How many cups a day? - Two. Morning and night.

Remember how important it is for us to be cleansed.

- Not even chamomile tea? - Only in the evening.

- Chiropractic. - Oh, no...

You're crying, Mom.

I know why you're upset.

You're upset that I'm going to die soon.

Sweetie, that's nonsense.

I knew even before the evil man told me.

You cannot hide anything from me.

I know you're upset over all the things you're cheated out of.

I have an idea that may cheer you up -

in the time I have left.

Shall we play a game?

It's about me living a full life.

Do you want to play?

Okay. So this is my first day of school.

I want to walk there on my own.

You can't come.

Here I come through the door at home.

Hi, sweetie.

- How was school? - It was stupid.

We didn't learn a thing.

And we didn't get any homework.

I missed you so much.

Tomorrow you can come with me.

Ouch, oh... My leg!

Will you go with me to school tomorrow? Say you will.

Yes, of course. There's nothing I'd rather do.

Hello?

Volume 74. Oh.

If you ever think of selling these, I'll be there like a shot.

But I can certainly understand -

if you cling to these particular copies.

Do you understand why they say Donald Duck Magazine's lost its quality?

I don't get it. The stories are more fluent, the colors fresher.

And the lines flow easily.

All that anal sex. In my youth they said:

"The nice entrance is the one with the mat."

You were right. It's the same picture.

The tiger is the hospital.

And the snake is the doctors. And the birds are the spirits.

Look, the tiger is wounded.

Perhaps my task is to help the tiger.

Perhaps my task is to help the hospital -

which is wounded.

All the filth must go. One day a real rain will wash away all the filth.

I said it before, but no one listens. My ideas have always been too great.

- Yes, Hook. Way too great. - I have been too clever.

- Like with the anesthesiology report. - Yes, the anesthesiology report?

- Do you know where I hid it? - In a clever place?

You bet your ass!

Where does one hide a document so no one can find it?

Under the mattress?

Mogge, there's only one place no one would look.

And even if they did, they wouldn't find anything.

- The archive. - You really are clever.

And it isn't just misfiled. It's gone!

I put it in a place no one will ever look, even by mistake!

And that's the real stroke of genius.

Where?

- In the Steeleman Report. - The Steeleman Report?

It's the Steeleman Committee's analysis from January 12, 1991 -

on similarities in administrative strategies of different managements.

Steeleman succeeded in filling 789 pages without showing a single similarity.

The Steeleman Report is famous for being the most boring crap ever!

It's so boring that Steeleman himself admitted he couldn't get through it.

I'll be damned.

In the Steeleman Report, the information about Mona's surgery -

is as secure as in a Swedish vault.

- Damn. - Damn!

This is all I can do for now.

We'll construct a special rack tomorrow.

If you're making a rack anyway -

could you make one that could lift me up a bit -

so I can see out the window?

Only if it's possible. I'd just really love to look outside.

Of course, sweetie.

I just wanted to stop by.

- You look tired. - I can't sleep.

I'm thinking about me and Stig.

You don't look too good yourself.

It happens to me that I cannot sleep when I've been working too hard.

You know, at the academy. I study architecture -

and I'll succeed because I have a knack for it. Everybody says so.

It's a game we're playing.

But I've come up with something for when I can't sleep.

What did you come up with?

I take the most difficult text book I can find.

Then I mark up 50 of the toughest pages -

and tell myself -

that I have to get through them before I can sleep.

Then I know that by the first page I'll be sound asleep.

Yes, maybe I should try that.

Bye.

Mommy...

Do you hear the cat, Mom

clawing to get in?

With such grace the birds fly

they have no place to nest.

Singing stars high in the sky

now lay me down to rest.

What can an old lady like me do about all this?

What a dreadful storm. What a dreadful storm.

Is this the airport?

Yes, I would like to speak to the meteorologist. Thank you.

My name is Sigrid Drusse.

I wonder if you could tell me what the weather is like over Copenhagen.

Very locally. More specifically, over the hospital in Copenhagen.

Am I a pilot?

Yes, I'm flying my little plane over the hospital.

And I'd like to know if it's so windy that I should wear a hat.

I should wear a hat?

Hey.

Another student who wants to buy his exam?

No, thank you, Dr. Helmer. I study.

- Where is it? - In the Steeleman Report from 1991.

Shelf 243.

One moment.

Please come in.

Hook's coming.

Shit. Come on.

- Damn you to hell. - No, no, no.

- Why did you do that? - I panicked.

Panicked? What good'll that do?

- Now you can't turn it off! - No, I got scared.

Hook is acting weird. Are you coming?

No, I have plans.

If you move, the alarm goes off. That'll hurt us both.

- I'm gonna tear out your intestines. - I see.

And make you eat them.

Thank you.

There's all sorts of trouble in flight control.

You know that the planes land in different lanes so as not to collide.

- Yes, corridors. - Shut up. Mom's talking.

They're called corridors. I'm a member of the Kingdom Flying Club.

But the planes have started to shift paths just above the hospital.

It's very mysterious. They've never seen that before.

Actually, it's not mysterious. It's thermals.

Thermals, hot air columns.

You're a member of the Kingdom Flying Club, you say?

- Do you fly? - Don't we all fly a little?

Why don't we all fly up there and have a look at those thermals?

- Mom. He can't fly a plane! - Sure, I can fly you around a bit.

I used to be the sharpest in the club.

- "A couple of years ago." - Yeah! Before the accident.

The insurance called it a write-off.

You know what they're like. There's no getting around the excess.

- Mom, I'm not coming. - Of course you're coming.

The idea that flying is dangerous is just a tall tale.

Archibald had a KZ, and we flew many lovely trips.

Just like Karen Blixen and her lover over the savanna, you know?

Back then there was no such thing as a license.

I think flying with Hansen is much safer.

Damn...

- What? - It's a very old alarm system.

As long as you move really slowly, it doesn't get activated.

I'll get you yet... Swede!

Slowly, you say.

If you can move slowly, so can I.

Come here!

Hello? I'm from the City Court.

I have a subpoena to serve! Are you Stig G. Helmer?

Hello! I have a subpoena! Are you Stig G. Helmer?

There's no more Mr. Nice Guy!

Why don't I call your family...

No. I'm so ashamed.

I let them down.

I leave them without a dime.

The children...

What about... What about their education?

If only I'd provided for my family.

Your family will be awarded a large compensation.

Your family will be taken care of.

Really?

Yes.

He's gone.

It was sweet of you to tell him about the compensation -

even though it's not true.

You called?

I've been thinking about my situation.

I think it's best if I talk to my mom now.

- Will you call her? - Yes, of course.

Thank you. Will you tell her it's urgent?

It is cold today.

And yet it will be much colder.

It is also quiet. Will it be even quieter?

Soon.

So quiet that listening to it will be painful.

- When? - When the big child dies.

It will be quiet in Heaven and on earth when the big child dies.

And then there is no way back.

KINGDOM FLYING CLUB

Come on, Bulder!

I don't have time for you now. You promised not to bother me.

- Don't you start the engine first? - Oh, yeah. That's right.

- Don't you need to check stuff first? - You're a wuss, Bulder.

People like you make life small.

Just admit it. You'd rather stay on the ground.

Kilimanjaro!

It's too easy to get a license these days!

I never said I had a license.

I would've had one if I hadn't wrecked the training airplane!

Bulder, move to the center!

Is it too late to join in?

Just like with doctors. If one goes down, they all go down.

And yet, Professor Jokester over here is depressed.

Bondo got his test results. The cancer has metastasized.

So how will you proceed?

Will you continue your glamorous research of a disease no one knows -

or will vanity prevail?

Regardless of how deeply moving this all is -

it's time to realize we must part ways.

Charges were about to be brought against me -

but I finally believe I can succeed outside these walls.

You must realize, goddammit, that these shenanigans must cease?!

- Do you feel anything? - No. Not yet.

This is where the thermals ought to be.

We've discussed what you said. That you'll only do one more trip.

And that you need a good bundle from that one trip.

I think we have something in the works.

We've come up with something to increase the bids.

Rigmor, what are you doing here? Are you applying for a Lodge membership?

I see. Birds of a feather flock together as they say.

Have a seat here with Professor Huey, Professor Dewey -

and Master of Ceremonies Louie.

- If you can fit in your fat caboose. - I just wanted to take you home.

Can we agree that hanging out with friends belongs to our youth?

Before we had commitments.

If you come home with me now, I won't be angry.

Are you insane? No one is going home with anyone.

I am free, from you as well as from the goddamn Danes.

Oh, you found the report?

What do you mean?

Did you read it?

The report?

"With love from your beloved Rigmor."

This isn't the report!

The Swedes sure know how to cut right to the chase.

But unfortunately, a bit too late as usual.

I have the report now, so I dictate the terms.

I see. How?

I couldn't sleep, so what could be more natural -

than to look for the most boring document?

- The Steeleman Report? - Exactly.

And there it was. The anesthesiology report.

So I replaced it with this little greeting.

You devil.

No, no. I don't have it on me. It's in a safe place in a bank.

- Which bank? - I went to Malmoe.

The Mona Report is protected by Swedish bank security.

But then all is lost! Oh, my darling Rigmor.

Shall I call a taxi so we can move my things into your place?

Don't exert yourself. It's been done.

- Excuse me, gentlemen. Thank you. - Come, come.

Will someone write on the board that Dr. Helmer got 22 minus points?

This is what we could come up with. It's straight ahead.

When you reach the rail bridge, you can turn on the sprinklers -

and drive home like normal.

Driving blind?

You need the money, don't you?

Driving blind...

The Three Crowns. Or should I say three lumps?

The culture, the finesse, the sophistication.

They all rest here at the bottom of a Danish can.

The fight was uneven from the start.

My sensitive nature doesn't fit in with the ways of this country.

But that damn well ends right here!

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Bring it on, goddamn Danes!

- There it is. - Look.

- It's powerful... this thermal thing. - Take a bearing.

- Turn off the engine. - Yes.

Oscar Yankee Bravo Juliet Foxtrot, you're off track. Please confirm.

I KNOW SOMETHING

Stop messing about. This isn't fun anymore.

If you're telling me you're getting married or something else -

from the life you're imagining, I don't want to hear about it.

I don't like this game, Little Brother.

No, Mom, we're not playing anymore.

It has to stop now.

Will you release me from the rack so I can die?

What is the light coming through that cloud?

It's beautiful. It looks like a landing strip.

It's the lights on the fountain.

So that's the first thing you see when you fly in here.

- What's happening? - Hold on tight! Hold on tight!

Extent matters, ladies and gentlemen.

Everything can be described in numbers, meters and micrometers.

And should the numbers not fit, we must purge them or add to them.

And perhaps we, more often than we think, choose our own numbers.

Little Brother grew big. The sarcoma grew big.

When humans point their telescopes at the stars -

they may be tempted to call themselves small.

And the reality is that we would all be much closer to the truth -

if we said that none of it all really exists.

Compared to the universe, the sarcoma -

Little Brother, mankind and the Kingdom are neither small nor big.

And their aspirations and actions and stories and pain are insignificant.

Should three people die in a plane crash -

or thousands of our worlds disappear in a flash -

it will not cause the Man in the Moon to so much as lift an eyebrow.

That is how it is. And as such it is good.

My name is Lars von Trier. I wish you a pleasant evening.

Should you be drawn to the Kingdom again in spite of its limited extent -

and wish to spend time with us, however numerically limited we are -

my advice remains:

Be prepared to take the good with the evil.