All language subtitles for Splitting Up Together (US) - 02x07 - Paige Turner.WEB.x264-TBS-HI

[DOOR CLOSES]

Wow.

Big Adele fan, huh?

No, just a fan of a free T-shirt.

Look, I'm here to update
you on the construction.

I, uh, I have a new date of completion.

Vlad, Vlad, Vlad, this ain't
my first rodeo, all right?

We agreed on eight weeks.

So before you go trying
to pad the schedule

with some story about a
fire at the sconce factory,

this job will be done...

- In one week.
- What?

We're a little early, so feel free

to use it on your Yelp review.

That's a lot early.

I mean, that is good news, yes?

Now you can sell the house.

Yeah, right, of course. We're
absolutely gonna do that.

Right after we redo the garage.

What?

You're finished so early,

let's put in a new
kitchen, update the bath.

How long will that take?

We already have a lot of work lined up.

I mean, I can try to squeeze in...

Squeeze in.

- It will not be quick.
- Who said quick?

Take your time.

Treat me like a lady.

Incidentally, we're
gonna need to pay you

in tiny, lady-like installments.

♪ Keep giving me hope for a better day ♪

♪ Keep giving me love to find a way ♪

♪ Through this heaviness I feel ♪

♪ I just need someone to
say everything's okay ♪

♪ Everything's okay ♪

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Hey, neighbor. Hey.

I made you something.

Breakfast buns?

These are them? You made these for me?

Well, I made 'em for the kids,

but I had couple dozen left over, so...

Mmm.

I also wanted to talk with you
about remodeling the garage.

So good. I was thinking

maybe we bring this
whole place up to code.

Why?

Why are they so good? Huh?

I mean, did you put extra
cinnamon o-or, like, vanilla?

Maybe put in a small kitchen?

Smart. Yeah, it'll be great for
the resale value when we sell.

If we sell.

- When we sell.
- If or when we sell.

Just ask Vlad just not to start
work in here right away.

I have plans tomorrow night.

Oh, no problem.

Thank you.

What the hell?

Oh, yeah, no, it's, uh,
it's citrus-tinged...

- Uh, yeah.
- With, uh...

With..-

- hints of sun-dried huckleberry.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Now, would you say that scent

is overpowering or welcoming?

- Welcoming?
- Mm.

- I guess?
- Good. Good, good, good.

And would you say the throw pillows

are carefully arranged
or casually tossed?

'Cause I'm going with casually tossed.

Do you have a garage date?

Well, we may not limit it to the garage,

but, uh, yeah.

Yeah. First date.

You know, you don't wanna
just keep her in the garage.

Get her out there, see some things.

It's not a first date.

Of course not. Why would it be?

Just awesome, crazy, sexy, cool.

So, where did you meet
this little chickadee,

this boneless, skinless lil' nugget?

Um, well, uh, she works in my building,

and she has bones and skin.

Jackpot.

I'm sorry.

Is this making you feel weird?

I-I'm actually feeling weird.

- What?! Why?
- I just...

It's not weird at all.

Not a'tall.

I am super psyched for you guys,

and I hope you have so much fun

on your date with the
casually-tossed pillows.

♪

ARTHUR: Doesn't he have someplace to go?

If he did, wouldn't he
be there right now?

I mean, what do children do all day?

Sell magazines?

He's obviously exhausted.

- Yeah.
- Right?

I'm sure he'll wake up
when it's time to feed.

For now,

I'm just gonna leave him with
these frozen mozzarella sticks,

house key, some pocket cash,

and a sticky note expressing our love.

Mwah.

Okay, does he really need $100?

Yes, he does.

Love you, Auntie.

It's a joy I've never known.

Do you love me?

LENA: Am I thrilled that he's got
some rando garage gal staying over?

MAYA: Okay, how is she the garage gal?

You're the one who lives in there.

Seriously, could you imagine
if some guy was like,

"Hey, come on over to my garage.

Do you... Uh, did you want to
watch some TV in my garage?

Can I get you a drink from the
mini-fridge in my garage?"

That's your mini-fridge.

You bought it.

Well.

I'm certainly not gonna rock the boat.

Martin's already got
one foot out the door.

You know who doesn't have
one foot out the door?

My little nephew.

Sleeping in his little footsie pajamas,

with his little fuzz-stache,

holding onto his big, ol'
bottle of grape soda

he falls asleep with every night.

You know, he just lost a tooth.

Camille, that's not good.

I don't judge your
parenting, "garage girl."

I honestly don't know what his
mother is so upset about.

The kid's an absolute angel.

Well, that's probably
because you don't ask him

to do anything

like brush his teeth or take a shower.

How's he doing in school?

Camille?

Gun-Woo goes to school, right?

I assume so. I don't know for sure.

I'm not his jailer.

Oh, my God. That's a no.

He's here on vacation.

Plus it was just Thanksgiving,

so aren't schools shut down
until after... Sundance?

My understanding was that the two of you

were supposed to be helping
him get his act together.

By doing what?

By sticking him in another institution

that he's just gonna fail out of

because they don't get him nor he them?

Well, what about home-school?

I... I've been doing some research,

and I think I might
actually do that myself.

I think I might actually do that myself.

But you're not really an educator.

Aren't I?

- I mean, no.
- No.

Look, I think that we can all agree

that with smartphones and
iPhones and Androids,

AT&T, Sprint, and Verizon...

She's just naming phone carriers.

Knowledge is obsolete.

Everyone just Googles everything anyway.

But do you know what you can't Google?

Good taste, a discriminating palate.

And those are the things
that I can teach him.

Well, I'm sold.

♪

LENA: Hey, Vlad?

Martin wants us to hold
the work on the garage.

Apparently he and his
girlfriend have plans.

I mean, girlfriend is
a little premature,

but she is staying over.

Which is great and not at all weird.

- I made some crudités for him
- Yes, we can do that, sir.

- To put out...
- I understand.

Oh, on the phone. You are on the phone.

That's why I sent you
the samples, yes. Uh...

I'm... I'm still talking.

I thought you might react this way.

We can try it again, yes.

Hopefully fourth time's the charm.

You have a good one, too.

Mm-hmm. Bad day?

I actually think I found a client

that's more difficult than you.

I'm particular.

I think that's a bit more fair.

And just like you, he
is very, very annoying.

But at least you know
exactly what you want.

This guy has no idea.

Have you tried asking him
what sort of lifestyle

he aspires to, you know,

and then work those elements
into a concrete design?

What do you mean?

Let's say he wants to feel like

a fancy Moroccan hotelier.

You suggest a sunken living
room with a fire element.

Woven rugs, hanging lanterns,
decorative tile...

You speak high-maintenance crazy person.

- Well...
- You are bilingual.

Come speak to my mentally
unstable client,

translate for me.

Uh, I'm very flattered, but...

♪

Actually, I'd love to
get out of the house.

Yes?

- Yeah.
- Great.

When I was child, I had no real mentors

because all of the grown-ups
around me were so tacky.

Sad.

And it seemed like

all those tacky grown-ups cared about

was whether or not I knew
the capital of Ethiopia.

Addis Ababa.

- What?
- The capital of Ethiopia.

Okay, great.

You know the capital of Ethiopia. Done.

Now, do you know how to
cultivate your own steez

without being a label whore?

Not sure.

Do you know how to fake
it till you make it,

frontin' like you livin' that
five-star, baller-ass lifestyle

when all you really got in your pocket

is a used-up In-N-Out gift card?

Because those are the things
T-Mobile can't teach you.

But I can.

Whoa.

I want this guest
bathroom to be perfect.

Like... mm, Mid-Century?

- I love Mid-Century.
- But Mid-Century now.

- Future farmhouse.
- Okay.

And I want an infinity
sink and infinity towels.

So, like, towels that don't stop?

Yeah, they just go on forever.

Just infinity.

And how many of those do you want?

Just, like, two.

Also, you don't have to
run everything by me.

I'm super easy.

Listen, I'm done.

Let's quit this guy,

go to Fatburger right now, please.

Farro.

I have two words,

and you can call me crazy

or you can call me
crazy like a dang fox.

Rose gold.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Well, I'm a dirty slut for rose gold.

But that's not it.

I'm also seeing a dark, charcoal wash

floor to ceiling.

It will create a caustic,
dystopian landscape...

[GASPS] ...that will be overthrown

by the luxe, gleaming,
rose gold fixtures.

The juxtaposition will be sublime.

I'm literally... going to vomit... joy.

I love it.

I love this woman, and
I lurve her ideas.

We cannot finish this
project without she.

I'll pay whatever.

I'll work hourly,

and you never have to
speak to Farro again.

- Let's go get that Fatburger.
- Deal?

Deal.

♪

When is the best time to
visit the Grecian Isles?

Uh, before Easter to avoid tourists.

Correct.

Unless, of course,

you want to go to the beach, then...?

Late July.

When is the best time to visit Paris?

- Christmas.
- Trick question.

Paris is passé.

Right. Christmas is always in Zurich.

- Yes.
- [WATCH CHIMES]

Oop. Time for recess.

So, why don't you go
Nair your upper lip,

have a little grape soda, brush after,

and then I'll see you back here
in three and a half hours.

Okay. Love you, Auntie.

Hey.

How's it going, teach?

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

I'm not sure whom's teaching whom.

You're supposed to be teaching him.

♪

E-Y. Boom. Triple word score.

- That's four times three.
- That's not a word.

That's 12. "Noodley."

- [LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
- Yes, it is. "Noodley," right?

Like... Like when you want a
noodle with something, right?

You're noodley.

So it has nothing to do
with eating noodles?

Go ahead. Hm? Challenge me.

- Challenge me.
- I challenge you.

[LAUGHS] Mm.

I think your ex-wife is
watching us from the window.

What? No, no, she wouldn't.

Oh, yep. That's her.

Lena.

Come on.

Yes, you. Come out here.

- [SIGHS]
- LENA: Hey!

- Hey.
- Hey.

Look at...

Yeah. Okay.

Um... so, uh, this is Paige.

Paige, uh, this is my ex-wife, Lena,

and our contractor, Vlad.

Hi.

Oh, man. We're moving kind of fast.

I'm not sure I'm ready
to meet your contractor.

[LAUGHS]

Witty!

Quick and witty.

Scrabble, huh?

Uh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

This one is kicking my ass.

She's up 100 points here.

Ooh!

Mm. Yeah. No.

We... We were in the garage,

but it's getting kind of cramped, so...

Well, please let me be the
first to welcome you.

I already welcomed her.

Well, then let me be the
first person to say howdy.

Howdy-ya-doody.

Wow. You guys are just... so cordial.

Mm.

I mean, you'd have to be, right?

- Right.
- Right.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Right.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Yes, and may I wish you a very...

Lacey Chabert.

Let's go.

"Party of Five"?

Okay, so...

You wanna get a bite to eat?

- Are you kidding me?
- Hm.

You're gonna act like
that did not just happen?

Like what didn't just happen?

Well, I mean, she was so
uncomfortable that I was here.

Oh.

Maybe I just don't get your whole setup.

Right, um, so, uh, every other week...

No, I get it. I just...
I don't understand it.

Look, this is all temporary.

You know, we're gonna sell the house,

we're gonna go our separate ways.

We already talked about it.

Right.

And noodley's a word.

Yes.

Oh.

- Don't trick me like that.
- [LAUGHS]

Do you think Mr. Crazy will like
these tiles for his shower?

No. It needs to be matte.

Hey, what did you think of Paige?

Uh, I don't know. I mean, she seems...

'Cause I really like her.

She is so, so great.

I mean, what a doll.

But what was up with her
calling us "cordial"?

That's a compliment, no?

Not how she said it.

So you don't like her?

No, I love her.

I just didn't expect her
to be so judgmental.

I mean, do you find
her to be judgmental,

bordering on intolerant?

Uh, I don't know.

All you American women
seem the same to me,

with all your flowy tops
and the shelter dogs.

I'm just surprised that
she's so age-appropriate.

Martin's mostly been dating
younger women, you know,

who are kind of flighty.

Not women like...

Paige!

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I see now.

You're still in love
with your ex-husband.

- What? No.
- Mm-hmm.

That's why we fix the garage.

More construction means more time,

you don't sell the house,

and then get him back in your clutches.

I'm fine with Martin dating.

I just want him to be with someone

who's more on board with our
current living situation.

But he is not on board with it.

And I'm hoping to change that.

Because you're still in love.

[SCOFFS] I am not.

I am going to be in a relationship, too,

at some point.

Honey, you are already
in a relationship.

With him.

[LAUGHING] No.

I am a single woman.

You don't put out single-woman vibes.

I put out major single-woman vibes.

To me, you feel off the market.

Well, I'm not off the market.

I am on the market. I
am an open house, baby.

Anyone in this
neighborhood could come by

and just walk right through my...

♪

♪

No heat.

Because you caught me off-guard.

If I knew you were gonna kiss me,

I would've brought my "A" -game.

One more try.

No more tries.

Hey!

Hey, you work for me.

You get back here and
kiss me one more time!

♪

You looking for something?

I was just showing Paige
our old record player.

You're not gonna seduce her

using Coldplay on vinyl, are you?

Um, no.

I retired that album on you.

Good.

Hm. Plans for the garage?

Actually, it's for a client.

A client?

Yeah. I forgot to tell you...

Vlad hired me to consult
on one of his remodels.

Wow, seriously?

Seriously.

Hm. [CHUCKLES]

Is that funny?

No. No, no, no. I think
it's, uh, it's awesome.

You'd be great at that.

- Well, thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

Martin, I need to explain something.

Oh, about the spying? Yeah.

Yeah, a-and it didn't
help to convince Paige

that our situation is chill, by the way.

Aha, so she doesn't think it's chill.

Because it's not chill.

- Why were you watching us?
- I'm not.

I-I thought there was a wasps' nest...

- Mm.
- Hanging from the garage,

so actually, I was looking
out for you guys.

Okay. Hey.

Thank you. Got it.

I'll let her know.

Totally chill.

I just live with my ex-wife
and a bunch of wasps.

And our three kids.

Them, too.

Just keeps getting better and better.

And don't forget our turtle, Josh.

And everything he stands for.

♪ Can't stop, won't stop, get guap ♪

♪ Ten white toes in
them Tory flip-flops ♪

♪ Manicures and pedicures,
I'm always tip-top ♪

Camille, my dove,

you know I'm not one to
confront you about anything.

When we first started dating,

I let you call me Anton
for about six months.

Hm, I miss the Anton days.

And, Gun-Woo, I love your sound,

and I'm not really trying to
rock the boat or anything,

but I think there might be some
major holes in your curriculum.

Name one.

Science.

False.

We studied geology yesterday.

♪ Show me how you do it ♪

♪ Show me how you do it ♪

It's a little cloudy.

Good catch.

CAMILLE: And after that, we did P.E.

♪

And then we started history.

See, this is her face in 2002,
and this is her face now.

Show me where she's had work done.

[GASPS]

Bitch got a new chin.

Is he actually learning
anything academic?

Gun-Woo, if I take four
30-minute Pilates classes

for every one 45-minute barre class,

how many hours of total
exercise have I done

if I've done three barre classes?

8 hours and 15 minutes, Auntie.

Satisfied?

I am so sorry, baby.

I had no idea how detailed and...

Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

We're in the middle of a lesson here.

Forgive my insolence.

I will make it up to you.

Perhaps a vacation to
Zurich for Christmas?

♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

Paige, um, I was just...

I felt like there was some
awkwardness when we first met.

I felt like I was awkward.

Yeah, you were.

Oh. Great.

Same "page."

[CHUCKLES]

I just... I know that
this whole arrangement

might seem a little odd,

but I'm proud of what we have here.

I mean, I'm... I'm more than proud.
I cherish it.

But I could see how, if I
were the new girl coming in,

I might not like it very much.

But you have to understand,

there are three kids who
still need two parents,

and we all count on each other.

So I guess what I'm hoping
this breakfast will say is,

thank you in advance for
your understanding.

Mm.

Mmm.

So, that whole innocent,

disenfranchised homemaker routine,

people are buying that?

[CHUCKLES] Beg pardon?

I've got your number, lady.

And it has nothing to do with your kids

or your home or the co-parenting.

And it has everything to do with you

and your unresolved feelings for Martin.

MARTIN: Babe, where'd you go?

Nowhere, hon.

Look!

We've got breakfast in bed.

Here we go.

Black, like your soul.

Just for the record, I take 11 sugars.

Ew.

I might have another design job for you,

a house in Bel Air.

They have lots of money
and terrible taste.

I'm in.

Oh, Mr. Crazy

hired a professional photographer

to take pictures of your bathroom.

- You want to see?
- Of course.

All right, here.

I really love what we did
with the hardware and...

♪ Do me, baby ♪

♪ Like you wanna ♪

♪ Do me, baby ♪

♪ If you gonna ♪

♪ Do me ♪

♪ Like a nasty man ♪

♪ Like a nasty man ♪

That time, I caught you off-guard.

♪ Hold me ♪

♪ Do me if you wanna ♪

♪ Do me like you wanna ♪

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -