Original subtitles

Thank you.

This is an old tale.

No doubt one you've heard before.

But you're going to hear it again because it's mine.

The reason this story exists in the first place is because of a woman named

Desmond.

She's the reason you see what you see right now.

If you stay with this tale, you'll be hooked all right.

And you might even get a boner while you're at it.

It was 2011, and I was a struggling writer trying to eke out a living

porn movies.

It wasn't easy.

Low budgets and the shifting of America's conscience under President

made things pretty tough.

If a script called for a certain scene to take place in the future, they'd

simply wrap objects in aluminum foil and call it the Space Age.

Really pulled the reins on a creative guy like me.

But... Overall, things hadn't changed much over the last 40 years or so.

Well, well, well.

T. Whitney Dumont.

What brings you back to X -Rated Flicks Unlimited?

Oh, change of heart.

Change of heart?

Interesting. I like that.

I read your script.

It is a real winner.

Okay, the way I figure it is I'll knock out one script a week, take maybe one.

$2 ,000 apiece.

The director complete artistic control.

What do you say? What about it?

Come on, Demond.

$1 ,500.

It's the last offer.

Are you serious?

Okay. Seeing as it's you,

$1 ,000 a script.

But that is as low as I'm going to go. I mean, that is as low as I'm going to

go. No, Demond.

This is the lowest you could possibly go.

Men's with buns?

What are you, on mushrooms?

I wouldn't have fished with that piece of shit.

Maybe I can sell it to Vidco.

What happened to you, DeMont?

You used to have talent.

Look, that was last year. This year I need to make a living.

But I'm sorry to hurt your feelings.

I know it's hard on writers these days.

Yeah.

Please, Miss James.

I need something. I mean, I'll do whatever you need around here. I'll...

I'll hang wires with tape. I'll do your graphics, whatever you like. It's

just... I need to make my rent this month, okay?

So I'll just... I'll do something, whatever you like.

Well... There is one thing you could do.

I think we can do business.

I like the style, Dumont.

Very flexible businessman.

I certainly hope you talk better than you write.

Well...

Possible. Find out.

I like to do it a lot more than I like to write, too.

You can have a bit of practice doing this.

Enough for your writing.

Well, writers are very creative people.

Yeah?

Oh, I could get some writing too.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

I've got a job for you.

It isn't much for the guy who wrote the big hit Reggie the Rectum Wrecker, but

it'll keep you from hitting Skid Row.

Well, I'll take it. What do I do?

Remember those videotapes I had on my desk?

Yeah. Well, now that the Falwell administration is preventing the U .S.

Service from delivering expedited material through the mail, it's got to

by hand.

You don't mean... Exactly.

You take what you take.

wrapping in plain wrappers, down to the company bicycle.

You'll be in charge of the entire Hollywood area.

I'll get you to the list. You can start today.

This was it.

1069 Sunset Boulevard.

It was a crazy house made by crazy porn stars from the 1980s.

A neglected house gets an unhappy look.

This one had it in spades.

I pulled up into the driveway and I couldn't believe my eyes.

so late?

Why have you kept me waiting so long?

Come to the door.

This broad must have been really horny.

According to my list, she just received three tapes last week.

Hello, I know who you are.

Yeah.

The library is completely fizzled by barbarian deceit.

Excuse me?

Take care of yourself.

Ten years.

This bill doesn't mean ten years.

And I'm going to miss it so very much.

Uh, excuse me?

I hate to say goodbye to Luke.

For Christ's sake.

Come on, lady, lighten up.

The sun's going to rise in the morning.

For Christ's sake.

I suppose you're right.

It's just so sad to see a loved one leave you.

The fucking dildo.

Wait a minute.

You know, you look real familiar to me.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

I know you from somewhere.

Do you?

Really?

Yeah.

I can't place you.

Well, you want to give me a hint?

Okay.

That's right.

You're Nora Desmond.

Nora Desmond.

You used to be the biggest fucking premier porn star of the 1980s.

Used to be really fucking big.

I am big.

It's the pictures that got small.

In my day, we had studs like John Holmes, Herschel Savage, Terry Butler.

Now who have they got?

Terrible chest and puppies.

Just give me a stud like Dick Rambone.

Anytime. Wait a second. Wait a second.

It's the year 2011.

You should be about... What, 50? 55 years old now?

You don't look 50 to me.

Come on.

What's going on here?

It's a matter of secret, sir.

He found the fountain of youth.

What?

Fountain of youth?

I don't understand.

It's not for you to understand.

Just leave the tapes and be on your way.

No. No, Maxwell. Let him stay.

Shut up the TV.

I want to show you how it was in the good old days.

Roll the tape.

Amazing.

It was easy to see why she was such a big star back then.

Without a doubt, she was the most magnificent butt I had ever seen.

And all the time she was watching, she held onto my arm as if we were some high

school kids sneaking into our first porn movie.

I've never seen one woman as totally insatiable as this.

The business today is a joke. Nobody cares about acting or a storyline.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I used to be a porn flick writer myself.

A writer?

Huh. What happened?

Oh.

Bad luck.

And Jerry Falwell.

That's too bad.

Madam, it's almost midnight. You know what must be done.

Yes, yes, Maxwell, you're right.

It must be done. Monsieur Dumont?

Uh, Whitney, please.

It's midnight already?

Indeed it is. Very well, Whitney.

Thank you for the tapes.

And if you check your schedule, you'll find that I have a few more of what

you've called classics on their way here tomorrow.

I bet they'll see you then.

I don't know.

Don't show our new friend in the door.

I'll be waiting here.

It was a strange night, all right.

Running into Nora Desmond now, living the life of a recluse.

She was still absolutely beautiful after all those years.

The life of me, I couldn't figure out why.

What was all this mumbo -jumbo about?

You know what must be done.

Was this Maxwell guy talking about the Fountain of Youth?

I had to know more.

That night, I couldn't sleep.

The strangeness of the days had been coupled with the fact that I had been

evicted the moment I got home made me nervous and restless.

I decided to... Call an old girlfriend, one who is also an aspiring porn writer,

and invite her over to maybe block out a few scenes from a script she was

working on.

me up again.

Shame on you.

So what were you doing?

Just reading the sports page.

I like those athletic things.

Do you?

I'm a physical man sometimes.

Are you?

Uh -huh.

I liked the way she made my dick hard and the way she looked me in the eye

she blew me.

But all the time I was doing it with her, I couldn't keep my mind off of

I tried to relax, but all I kept thinking of was that fountain of youth

talked about.

What was it?

What did they do at midnight?

What are you doing?

You have breakfast dishes?

No, what are you doing there?

Cleaning the table.

Not very clean. You're not doing a good job.

I'm sorry. Do it again.

Spit on it.

Spit on it.

Spit on it.

Yeah. Yeah, see?

Isn't that nice?

Now, look.

Now, clean up.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Now, wait. Stop.

Now, lift your skirt up as you do the rest. All the way up on your waist.

Yeah.

And hold it up in one hand.

And then clean the rest of the table.

That's it.

You know who I am, though?

No.

Yes, you do. You're lying.

I'm sorry.

I'm Maxwell.

Say hello, Maxwell.

Hello, Maxwell.

Go ahead.

Make your spot.

Come over here.

You're very pretty.

Thank you.

Is that how you got this job?

No. How'd you get it?

Just ask for it.

You got it, right?

I was recommended.

Yeah, do you know who recommended you?

No. Me.

Do you think Matt would have hired you if I didn't say okay?

I don't know.

Where are you going?

Just finishing.

I'm back over here.

what I'm gonna do to you?

No.

I'm gonna fuck you.

What do you think of that?

I don't think madam would like that.

What the fuck do you know about madam?

You know nothing about madam.

You do what I say.

I'm gonna fuck you.

So what do you think of that?

Okay.

Let me rub my neck.

You like that?

I don't know whether to believe you.

You want to do something, right?

Don't you?

Look at that.

If you

like

me to fuck you.

Are you scared?

No.

You don't know if I'll beat you.

Want me to beat you?

No. I'll beat you.

I can beat you with this.

Want me to beat you with this? No, sir.

Are you scared?

Yes.

very nice to meet you. I will meet you.

Thank you.

Is it okay?

Shut up.

Or is it what okay?

Can you be in here?

If Madame caught you, the only she'd do to you?

Probably put you in a cellar.

Keep you there for about ten years.

Hey, baby. Touch me.

Touch me.

Play with him. Stand up like you're sexy.

He's standing funny.

Very sexy.

That's what I want.

Not yet.

Not yet.

Like me.

You're doing it again. Do that.

Do you have bad memories?

No, sir.

They're like this. And nice.

Strong.

You

look

like you don't want to do this.

I'm scared.

I'm gonna get some oil.

I've seen a cop.

But you've never fought?

Never had a fight? Never did?

What did you do with it?

I just saw it.

Who showed it to you?

Nobody showed me.

Well, how'd you see it?

I don't understand.

I saw somebody changing.

Oh.

You know what I think?

I think you were walking somewhere one time.

Somebody took out their dick.

And you got down on your knees and you sucked them.

Show me how you did that.

Get on your knees.

Show me what you did.

Go ahead.

Bye. Bye.

Oh.

Thank you.

Hollywood delivering X -rated tapes.

My luck just had to change.

It had to.

I'm sorry, Whit.

We have to make cutbacks.

You can thank President Falwell for this.

What about my severance pay?

Worked a day and a half.

All right, look.

Take these tapes and do your rounds today.

That has to be it. This has to be your last day.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

You're only too kind.

Oh, and don't get any ideas about taking out the company bikes.

I'm so glad to see you.

Yeah, well, I'm glad to see you too.

Because I got a few questions I'd like to have answered.

Please, can it wait?

I've ordered a very special cake.

I'd love for you to see it.

Yes, madam, it's quite proud of her performance in this particular scene.

Only because Maxwell here directed it.

He really knows how to bring out the animal in me.

Maxwell.

My God.

Don't tell me you are Maxwell Nottingham.

The great Maxwell Nottingham.

But I thought you were dead.

A rumor largely exaggerated.

Maxwell's been living with me for 35 years, and I can assure you he's not

Now let's see the tape.

This is a scene from Lap and Ledley Lovebirds. It won Madame an award for

performance.

The three girls seen back in 1987.

Oh my God.

Oh.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

Good girl!

Yeah!

No!

Yeah, well, I hardly know you, besides,

I've been watching you.

Don't be silly.

Maxwell's seen it all before, for years.

That is correct.

Yeah, well, that may be the case, but I want to know something here.

And I better get an answer. Come on.

What the hell is this all about here? What is this going on? It's the fountain

of youth. I don't get this. I mean, come on.

The two of you, you should be sucking on Geratols now. But this is not.

No, no.

Come on, how about a good answer?

I suppose these are now.

Tell them, Maxwell.

Madam has discovered that multiple orgasms, surely before midnight, every

simply freezes the entire aging process.

Makes perfect sense to me.

You are in -fucking -saying!

What do I look like, a fucking idiot to you anyway, huh? And you, you, what are

you? Maybe, uh, 75 years old? What about it, huh?

Osmosis.

Osmosis. Leave it with me.

Leave it with me, breath.

See, Mr. Dumont, when the vibrator died,

I had to service Madame myself.

But Madame is a very horny and energetic woman.

And one man simply isn't enough for her hearty appetite.

That is why you'll live here from now on.

Max won't be taking your things to the guest room.

Here you won't have to worry about paying rent or any bills.

You won't have to worry about any of those things.

All you have to worry about is fucking my brains out every night.

Now, what more could a fellow ask for?

The lady had a point.

I had no money, no place to call my own, nothing.

I could stay here in this house for free as long as all I did was put my dick in

this crazy broad every night.

Not a bad deal.

But I was a writer.

I yearned to live the life of a struggling bohemian artist.

So what if I was on the wrong coat?

This was an offer that required some thought.

All right.

Give me 24 hours of sleep on it. I'll go stay in the guest bedroom and give it

some thought.

Excellent. It's almost midnight now.

I'll need your answer by tomorrow night.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

Oh, yeah.

I can't wait!

I could get used to sleeping late all right.

No crummy job to go to.

Just hang around here and fuck Nora Desmond.

I guess I could do that.

I mean, it's not like she's some old hag or anything.

She's old, but she's beautiful.

I don't have to write.

I wonder what Sarah's doing. Oh, she's still trying to write porn movies.

It's awful tough to sell a script these days.

I wonder if she has what it takes.

Well, well, well.

Sarah Kelly.

Still trying to write the 50 sex scripts of yours?

Oh, no, this one's not 50, ma 'am. This is a comedy. It's going to be a real big

winner. A real winner, huh?

You're starting to sound like a pathetic writer we once had around here.

T. Whitney DeMond?

He used to call his scripts real winners, too.

Fact is, they sex bigger dicks than I do.

Last I heard, he was a delivery boy riding around town on a bicycle.

Fucked that up, too.

Hmm. Never heard of him.

That's good.

Let me take a look at this.

Roller Derby Dyke by Sarah Kelly.

I like that.

I think this script has real potential.

That's great.

You know, I wrote in the scene for the star Maggie Turnpike. She has an orgasm

right in the rink. It's going to go over big in Peoria.

You know, I like your enthusiasm, Kelly.

Do you know how we find my scripts in this town?

And there I found them, and threw them away.

I like that.

Stay there.

oh wow

Now help me giving you a little taste of honey

Oh, my

God.

Oh, no.

Oh boy, I hope so. My parents would be so proud.

It's almost midnight, Whitney.

We can start soon.

Are you nervous?

A little bit.

But I'll be okay.

Oh, thanks a lot.

Thank you for watching.

I haven't had it.

I don't think I can continue to live like this.

Look, I'm a writer.

I need to write.

It's just, I don't think I can go on like this, doing nothing but having

passionate, burning ecstatic sex for night after night after night.

Why not?

I don't know.

Seems too easy somehow.

It is. easy.

Here you'll be young forever.

Yeah, but I have to get away for a while. I have to clear my mind. Just

about this.

Look, I'm leaving a sweet, innocent girlfriend and just I

don't know. It just seems seems too damn all unreal to me.

You can't leave me now.

Maxwell's losing his touch.

I had to struggle to have a multiple orgasm with him.

And the magic dildo I've had for ten years is gone.

You're my only hope.

You can't leave me now, Whitney.

Look, it is my decision.

It's mine to make. I decide, okay?

That means I'll grow old.

Come on, Nora. Old age can't be all that bad. You get some bags underneath your

eyes and your breasts sag a little bit.

But old age can't be that bad.

That means I'll die.

Look, let me look it over for a while. Let me think about what I'm doing and

what's going on.

I'll just think it over.

Give me some time. That's fair, right?

Peace now, Whitney.

Stop walking.

Stop walking and choose now.

Answer me.

Nora.

Nora. Stop!

Nope. Nora.

Stop. Nora. Wait.

That's me in the pool.

But I made the right choice.

The only choice a guy like me could make.

I'm a man of pride.

And a proud man sticks by his decisions until the end.

Fortunately, I'm not a stupid man.

A new world record. Two minutes and 35 seconds.

Bravo, Whitney!

I think I can hold my breath a little bit longer than this. I'll say it again.

Hold on.

Yeah.

Sometimes the easy choice is also the best.

Besides, the literary world doesn't need another Hemingway and certainly doesn't

need one T. Whitney Dumont.

I love you, Nora Dessler.

I love you, too, Whitney.

But for heaven's sake, imagine you're bathing suit. You look ridiculous.

They will roll you through dark And wherever

there's a star In the morning sun

The breeze of the night They will shake their heads