All language subtitles for Dream On S02E12 AI.en

I've heard a great deal about

shipboard romances, Captain,

how things that become
all-important at sea

fade away to nothing
on dry land.

Who are you trying to convince?

I don't understand.
No one ever does.

Believe me. Trust your emotions.

Wow. The kung pao chicken's
really spicy.

Yeah, you got a little misty
around the egg roll, too.

Yeah, well, it's just
really sad Chinese food.

We could go on
like this forever.

We will, baby.

You know what we could do
that would really just

wreck this relationship?

Uh, I'll give you a hint.
Something with luggage.

Oh, a trip.

Yeah. Why not? Come on.

Just the two of us, all alone,

trapped for six days
and five nights, you know,

really just getting
on each other's nerves.

Or how about a cruise?

There you've got a confined
space and you're nauseous.

Yeah.

You... you think
you can get the time off?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, next week I've got
a client closing on a co-op.

And then there's
that new building
I'm supposed to start showing.

And then I've got this seminar.

Oh, I guess I'll just have
to send lots of postcards.

I've heard a great deal about
shipboard romances, Captain.

A cruise, huh?
Yeah.

Just think of it.

The two of us
standing against the rail.

I can almost smell
the suntan lotion.

Almost?

Would it help
if I rocked the bed?

Couldn't hurt.

Which, uh, end of the ship
do I get on?

A sea voyage is very relaxing.

The way we've been yawing back
and forth like a blind drunk,

we could be headed for China!

How's that bulkhead holding out?

Pretty shaky, sir.

Can't go on long like this.

We'll go on as long as
she hangs together.

And she's so athletic, you know?

She runs, like,
a hundred miles a day.

And guess what
she's teaching me to play.
Martin! Martin.

Do you think it's possible
for you to go, say,

maybe five seconds,
without talking about Charlotte?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Squash!
Martin!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, man.
It's just she's so great.

Great. That's...

great.

Gee, a 21-incher.
That's slick, huh, Ted?

Yeah.
Two inches bigger than ours.

It's like another arm.

Anyway,
getting back to great women,
remember Donna Callahan?

My associate producer?
You really liked her
at my party.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What about her?
She just got a divorce.

And if you're quick,
you might be able to cash in
on that rebound thing.

Eddie,
what are you talking about?

I don't wanna get involved
with anyone else.

Gotcha. Gotcha. No involvement.

Tawny Mitchell.

Can't even spell commitment.
What are you doing, anyway?

Why are you trying to
force other women on me?

It's just, uh...

I don't know if
Charlotte is right for you.

Really? Why? Why?
Because I'm deliriously happy?

No, it's just...

How long you two been going out?

Three weeks.
Don't you think
that's long enough?

What?
I mean,
you're just getting so serious.

How much do you know
about this woman anyway?

She's a college graduate.
She flosses every day.

I mean,
what else do I need to know?

Uh, one thing.

What?
What the hell is this?

Watch.

Your pulses are normal.

Does it hurt when you swallow?

Depends on who.

What?

What?
Are you saying she's in this?

Come on. You're crazy.

Look, neither of them
look anything like her.

Your chest sounds good.

Really?
Yeah.

Well, feels even better.

Ah. Whoa.

What?
This is ridiculous!

What's the matter with you?

Charlotte's a real-estate agent.
She...

Doctor! What is going on here?

I must be crazy.

Doctor, this is against
hospital procedure.

These are candy stripers.
But I... I...

I'll take over from here, girls.

After all, I'm the head nurse.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Stop it!
Oh! Oh, turn it off.
Turn it off.

Turn it off! Turn it off!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Martin, man,
I know how you feel.

Fuck you, Eddie!
Or maybe I don't.

How could you
have shown this to me?

I didn't know what to do!

Martin, man.

I'm sorry.

The other night
I was there with Carol.

Uh, you know Carol.

So, anyway, we're watching
and fooling around,

and all of a sudden, boom.

There's Charlotte, and she's
giving this guy a sponge bath.

And she takes the sponge
and starts washing his...

All right! All right!

That's vivid enough!
What are you trying to do to me?

Well, what was I supposed to do?
I couldn't just return the tape.

I thought you should know.
Well, now I know.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You want a beer?

No, I don't want a beer!

All right, all right!
Give me a beer.

I'm sure she had
a perfectly good reason
for making that movie.

Three movies.

Uh,
there were three at the store.

Three good reasons.

Her... her uncle
molested her as a child

or... or she needed
a... a kidney transplant.

Or her biker boyfriend
got her hooked on drugs.

Yeah, yeah. That'd be good.

You know,
it's really not so bad.

They're all from, like, 1979.

And she doesn't even
use her real name.

"Malibu Canyon"?

She's Malibu Canyon?
Can you imagine what
the Commies will do with this?

Yeah.

Maybe I should go.

Where you going with that?
It's rented.

No, no. No, you don't.
Give me that. Let 'em go.

Let 'em go! Let 'em go!

What are you gonna do with it?
Burn it.

Martin, man,
they have my credit card number.

You know... Okay. Okay, okay.

You know,
if it's any consolation,

she's pretty good
with the dialogue.

Go ahead.
Throw it if you want to.

This is bad.
This is very bad.

This is much worse
than you said on the phone.

What? How much much worse?

It wouldn't be prudent
to say at this time.

We're gonna have to go inside,
check for internal damage.

Excuse me.
How'd this happen, anyway?

I was a little upset.

Tony, we're going in.

Hi.
Hi.

Strumpet!

What happened?
Old pipes.

Geez. You yanked the thing
clean out of the wall.

How was your day?
Oh, it was great.

I went to the travel agents.
Forget the cruise.

Consider it forgiven...
forgotten.

But there's this incredibly
romantic tour through
the California wine country.

You stay at these
little bed-and-breakfasts.

Or maybe we could
even drive down the coast.

To Malibu?
To Santa Barbara.

Listen.

This is really embarrassing,

but if we're gonna go
on this trip together,

there's something
you should know about me.

I did a terrible thing.
I know that now.

I can't drive.

What?
I know, I know.
It's ridiculous.

I just never learned.
And then I moved to New York.

So that's it?

That's your big secret?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.
I just spent the last hour
watching you give intensive care

to most of the gang
at Genital Hospital,

so you can imagine
how devastating it is
to learn that you can't drive!

Oh, God.

You're upset.
Upset?

That you have sex with
strange men on film

so that other men
can watch and become aroused?

No, no, no, no.
I'm not upset.

I'm just a little hurt that
you didn't bother to tell me.

I thought it might
be difficult for you.

Wh...
why should it be difficult?

You only made three.
Six.

Six?

Six?

But the most important thing is

you have a very good
reason for doing it.

I didn't want to,
but my father made me.

The money was great.
The money?

The money put me
through college.

Cool.
Sort of a work-study program.

Martin.
Okay, okay.

But the most important thing
is that it's in the past,

and that you... you regret it.

In the past, yes.

Regret it? No.

Come on, will ya?
I mean, not even a little bit?

No.

Look.
I'm not saying I'd do it again.

But that's not the point.

It's done.
And I'm not ashamed of it.

Except for one thing.
Well, all right.

I'd definitely
pick a better name.

Malibu Canyon?
What was I thinking?

Yeah, the name is
definitely the problem!

What about things like diseases?

Martin, I've been tested
and I'm fine.

Besides, I made those movies
over 12 years ago,

and they were mostly
with the same guys.

Good. At least
you're not afraid of commitment!

Martin, please.
You're embarrassing me.

Oh, really?
This embarrasses you.

But having
a gynecological workup
with an actor named Snake,

that's just, what,
an after-school job?

I'm leaving.

Okay, okay!

The Snake thing
was a little harsh.

"Sure, I've done
the mattress mambo

with half the female population
of this rotten apple,

but this high-chested,
chromium-tushed,

aerobicized doll was different.

"She carried a .357 Magnum
in her Benetton bag."

Father Augustine...
Augie.

Augie. Uh, two things.

One.

I think you're still paying
a little bit too much homage

to Raymond Chandler.

And two, could you read
the paragraph again?

I didn't get
very much sleep last night.

What is it, kid? Dame trouble?

Some leggy blonde
stuff you in an envelope

and mail you to Lonely Town?

If I can be of some help...

If I need help,
I'll let you know.

Father...

Father,

if somebody's done something

kind of sinful once,

or even six or seven times,

can you forgive them?

Even if they don't feel
that they need to be forgiven?

Give her
the benefit of the doubt.

Give her the chance to prove

that she has nothing
in her heart for you

but love and devotion.

Lose her, kid.

You're looking at
a crap shoot with no dice.

She'll either be as sweet
as cheap muscatel,

or you'll wake up one morning

with a stiletto heel
through your heart.

Father, we're talking
about my girlfriend here.

As the saying goes,

"Love makes
its own commandments."

I don't suppose
that's from the Bible.
No.

Chapter 11, "The Girl
With the Two-Fisted Legs."

I think we're through for today.

I hope I've been
of some comfort to you, my son.

Thank you.

It always helps to look
on the spiritual side.

He was so devastated.
I didn't know what to say.

And he had no idea?

None.
Oh, my God.

Let's tell the whole world!

He was so sure
they were hardwood floors.

Then he tore up all the carpet.
All cement.

Well,
no wonder he was devastated.

Dames.

Morning, ladies.

Well, I see you two have met.

Yeah.

Uh, listen, I've got a patient.

I just wanted to see if you two
are free for dinner on Friday.

Uh, hmm. Geez. Friday.
Friday, Friday, Friday.

Martin, you have to come.

What's the matter?

You know Derek Ashbury,

Chairman of Hartridge Press?

He's gonna be there.
Oh, my God.

I know that you've always
wanted to work there,

and I thought that maybe
if you meet this guy...

That would be incredible.
Great.

So I'll see you two
at eight o'clock on Friday.

Uh...
Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Friday, 8:00.

Great.
Um, I gotta run. I-

Martin, she's terrific.

She's everything
you said she was.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm sorry about
last night, okay?

I... I guess I was kinda...
Hysterical.

Judgmental? Out of control?

I was going for cranky,

but, okay,
I... I guess those will do.

Okay.

I've been thinking a lot
about what you said,

and I'm... I'm basically
fine with it.

There's just one little thing
I need to clear up.

How could you
possibly have had sex

with all those men
who meant nothing to you?

Look, Martin.

Were you in love with everyone
you ever had sex with?

What do you think I am,
a light switch?

Well, no. No.
But that's... that's different.

You know,
this is just so sleazy.

And you never had sex that
was just a little bit sleazy?

Could you introduce me
to your friend?

Well, yeah.
Yeah, but... but not on film.

So you've never had sex
in front of a camera?
No!

Not for money.

So basically this is
a financial discussion?

I don't know. I just...
I don't know, I don't know.

It's just, you know, seeing you
with all those other guys...

Look, Martin,
they meant nothing to me.

You wanna talk about jealous...

You know what it's like for me
to see you with Judith?

Someone you loved.

Someone you were married to
for ten years.

Someone you had a child with.

Now that's hard.

Really?

Well, that's... that's great.

Look, I think what we have
is pretty terrific.

And if you can
just get past the fact

that I once appeared as
Princess Lay-her in Star Whores,

then I think we have a shot.

You know, if it was me,
I'd hang on to that one.

I'd tie her to a post.

I think I can do that.

Face it, bud.

We all wanna pretend
that every woman

that we go to bed with
is a virgin.

Or if she's not,
she's only done it once

and it was really, really bad.

Oh, come on.
No, I'm serious, man.

You're in trouble.

I mean, the rest of us
only have to deal

with old love letters
and photo albums.

But you?

You've got to handle
VHS and Beta.

Well, I'm sorry to
disappoint you, but I'm fine.

I'm really fine.

It's not a big deal.

So she made
a couple of porno films.

Really? Which ones?
None of your business!

Look, man.

I think Charlotte is great.
I really do.

And I think you two
can be very happy,

as long as you can
accept the fact

that every time you look at her

you're gonna see her
dressed as Gretel

spanking a six-foot Hansel.

Whoa. That's your girlfriend?

Oh, I guess it's hard
to keep a secret in
a little town like this.

What if she is?
Nothing. Nothing.

See?

Most guys would have trouble
being with a woman who's done...

what Charlotte's done,

but most guys
aren't Martin Tupper.

That's true.
Hey, Martin.

You know what would get me?
I can't imagine.

You ever notice the guys
in those movies are really big?

Not so much tall as big.

Look, buddy, I think
we're all grown-up enough

to know that
size doesn't matter.

Right?

Uh, right. Size. Nah.

Somebody get that guy a towel.
Two towels.

God. I'm so...
I'm terrible at these things.

You'll be fine.
No. No, I won't.

Listen, I... I'm going to meet
Derek Ashbury, you know?

I'm gonna try to be witty,
and you've never seen me
try to be witty.

Good morning. Good morning.

Good afternoon. Good night.

I don't always look this way.
Sometimes I look a sight.

Relax.

You'll be great.

You already are great.

Good evening.
May I take your coat?

Thank you.

Please! Let me!

Yipe.

Oh, good, you're here.

Charlotte,
what a beautiful dress.

Thank you.
What a great apartment.

Oh, thanks.

This should be
quite an interesting evening.

It's a very literary crowd.
Is Richard here?

Oh, he's in the library
talking to William Styron

about a third choice
Sophie could have made.

Of course.

Listen, let me see
if I can find Derek.

I've told him all about you,
so mingle.

Chase? Hi.

Martin Tupper.

Whitestone Publishing?

We met at Linda's
signing, remember?

Yes. Yeah. How are you doing?

Great. Great.

This is my friend, Charlotte.

Charlotte Hilliard,
Chase Montgomery.

Hello.
My pleasure.

So are you
in publishing as well?

I'm a literary agent.

Really?
I need a drink!

I'll, uh... I'll just
be back in a minute.

Two scotches... one glass.

Excuse me.

You're Wyndham Price.
Yes.

I'm a tremendous
fan of your work.

I'm a book editor myself,

but I've read everything
you've ever written.
Oh, really?

Uh, that woman
you came in with...

I know her from somewhere.

She smiles into a camera,

100 million people put their
money down at the box office.

No.
No, I don't think so.

Is that drink ready? Thank you.

Oh, no!

She looks so familiar.

I wonder if it could have been
the Berlin Book Fair.

Yes! Yes. I'm sure that's it.

No. That wasn't it.

Oh, no!

Ah. My fiction class.

Bingo! Th... that's got to be it.

No.

No!

No!
All right! All right!

So she made some porno movies!

That doesn't mean
she isn't a terrific person!

Or a real-estate agent.

Martin,
I sold Wyndham his apartment.

Martin, this is Derek Ashbury.

Have you met Wyndham Price?

You're packing.

I want you to stay, please!

I got some more
travel brochures.

Look. Jamaica.
Sun, swimming. It's...

Word is the natives
hardly hate us at all anymore.

You know, or, uh,
a train trip across Canada.

Vast, unspoiled countryside.

It's almost
as interesting as our own.

Uh, Wisconsin
for the cheese festival?

It's over, Martin.

No, it's not. I mean,
it goes for another two weeks.

Really, I... I don't think
it's gonna work.

Okay. Okay. Come on.

I know I behaved like a
lunatic tonight,

but... but I'll get better,
you know?

I'll get therapy or...

I don't want you
to have to do that.

And I don't wanna spend
the rest of my life with someone

who has to forgive me
all the time.

Especially when I don't feel
like I need to be forgiven.

Martin?

Yeah?

I love you.

I need you.

If this place
ever goes co-op, grab it.

It's a real good buy.

Goodbye.

I'll give you some advice.

Very few men take it.

Put the past behind you.

Forget everything but tomorrow.

I think I can, sir.

Oh, Doctor. Thank you.

I'll always remember this day.

Not as much as I will.

God did not make the world
easy to live in.

He made it hard.

Oh! Oh, Doctor!