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Dear Marilyn, I just wanted to let you know
I received your second draft of Later, My Love,
and I think it's terrific.
I was particularly moved by the imagery
in the romantic passages.
And there's a tenderness
to the first lovemaking scene.
You ever have one of those headaches where all you wanted to do was shove your fist
up your nose and pull your sinuses right through your head?
I don't think so.
A tenderness to the first love making scene
I've rarely seen in your work.
Oh, yeah, and the moment near the end
when you find out that the little girl
is going to die.
Maybe I should have them drained.
Toby, if you're suffering, we can do this later.
No, I can get through it.
Where was I? Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
The little girl is gonna die.
Hello.
Judith. Is this a bad time?
It's about average.
Can you give me a minute? Sure.
Would you like a cup of coffee?
Toby.
Would you please get Judith a cup of coffee?
If I have to grind the beans myself.
So, how's, uh...
Richard? Richard.
Oh, he's fine.
We just found out that he's getting the Schnabel Award
for his work with the Chernobyl victims.
Oh, here, here. Sorry.
I have something for you.
I know I'm a few days early, but I just wasn't sure
if I was gonna see you.
Happy, happy birthday.
Oh, what's this? A blender?
It's a copy of my Benny Goodman album you used to like.
Your Benny Goodman album.
I don't wanna start that again, okay?
You're right. You're right.
This is great. Thank you. Really.
It's just what I always wanted and used to have.
So, how does it feel turning 36?
It's just another day on the calendar for me.
And no cheap sentimental music is gonna make it otherwise.
Feels fine.
There you go.
Do you have any milk?
There's some right out on the desk.
Black will be just perfect. Thank you.
Why don't you fire her?
Because I'm the only one who knows how to use the intercom.
Martin, I didn't just stop by to give you the present.
It's about Jeremy.
What is it? Is he okay?
He's fine. He's fine. It's not serious.
His teacher, Miss Brodsky, called.
It seems that he's been having trouble concentrating in class.
She said that he's been distracted a lot lately,
and you know that's not Jeremy, so she wanted to know if there was any trouble at home.
I knew this would happen. It's the divorce. It's us. Martin...
Judith, we're a dysfunctional family.
Distracted is how it starts. Pretty soon he's taking drugs and joining a gang
and before you know it...
you're in juvenile hall,
a kind of a day nursery for kids who are a little backward.
Martin, hang on. I talked to him.
And?
And from what little he tell me,
I don't think this has anything to do with us.
I lie on the bed,
but I lay the book
on the table.
Yesterday I lay
on the bed.
And I laid the book
on the table.
Now, what will I do tomorrow?
Will I lie on the bed,
or will I "lay"
on the bed, hmm?
Jeremy.
Hello.
Gosh.
My little boy's growing up.
I don't think you fully grasp the problem here.
Martin, we've never talked to Jeremy about sex.
Yipe! So I'll just drop him off around 6:00,
and you can talk to him then.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait a minute.
Why is this my job? Well, I just figured it's a topic you're familiar with.
One in which you have a certain amount of expertise.
Nice try. Oh, come on, please.
He lives with you. Yeah, but you're his father.
But that's sexist. Look, he's embarrassed to talk to me.
Well, I'm embarrassed to talk to him.
I told him when the dog died.
Shit.
Thanks. Wait. Wait.
Can't we just give him some book with lots of pictures or something?
No. Well...
Can't he just pick it up on the street?
Martin, you're gonna be great.
How's school?
Fun. Oh.
Homework going okay?
Mm-hmm.
You, uh...
Do you like your teacher?
Mom told you, didn't she? It's all right, it's all right.
Geronimo, there's nothing we can't talk about.
You can say anything to me, you know that.
Okay. And believe me, buddy.
These feelings you're having,
you're not the first to feel them.
I've had them. Every guy's had them.
Even Uncle Erv?
Ta-da.
Well, almost every guy.
Women have them, too.
You know, it's perfectly natural.
And...
and when a man and woman...
Come on.
Is it damp in here? No.
When a man and woman love each other very much...
Well, maybe not love each other, but are attracted to each other very much,
they can become, but don't have to become...
physically involved.
Now, when I say physically involved,
that can mean...
kissing or touching or kissing and touching or...
Dad. I know this. What?
You mean like intercourse and Fallopian tubes and stuff?
I know this.
Well, great.
That's great.
Is there anything you don't understand?
I mean, you got any questions?
Yeah, yeah, actually I do.
Shoot.
What's cunnilingus?
You know, why don't we hold off on that for a bit?
What else have you got? Do you masturbate?
What's bestiality?
Linda. Blowjob?
And, uh, smegma?
Why don't we just start with
when a man and woman love each other very much?
Miss Brodsky? Yes?
Hi, I'm Martin Tupper, Jeremy's dad.
Oh, hi. Oh, excuse my chalk dust.
I believe my ex-wife spoke to you
about Jeremy having some trouble.
Right. Oh, I didn't mean to alarm you.
You know, Jeremy is one of my best students.
It's just that if there's a problem in the home,
often we're the first to see the warning signs.
Now, I know a divorce can have a traumatic effect...
Miss Brodsky.
My son has a crush on you. Oh.
We Tuppers are notorious romantics.
You know, Mr. Tupper,
it's really nothing to worry about.
These sort of adolescent feelings
are totally appropriate for a 12-year-old boy.
I'm sure it's just a phase he's going through.
I'm sure it is.
Why are you smiling?
Oh.
Well, I was just remembering my first crush on a teacher.
Second grade. Miss Sims.
I don't usually like girls. Oh, you don't?
No, but I like you.
You hardly seem like a girl at all.
She taught arts and crafts.
To this day, the sound of scissors on construction paper
just drives me wild.
Tell me something, Miss Brodsky.
Susan. Susan.
Do little girls go through this?
Oh, no.
It's just a twisted male thing.
That's right.
Listen, I was just about to run around the corner for a bite of dinner.
Would you care to join me?
Oh, well...
Are we allowed to do that?
Yeah. We just can't run in the halls.
I don't know, I...
Sure, why not?
Great.
After you.
Oh, thank you.
Come on, admit it, you liked it.
Don't care.
Meatballs go on spaghetti, not pizza.
You're such a purist.
Okay, we got ice cream, we got cake.
Chocolate blackout?
No, they only had lemon.
Ah, lemon.
Of course, chocolate blackout. Ooh.
You know what I'm doing Thursday night?
What? Miss Brodski invited the whole class over to her apartment
so we can go up on the roof and look through her telescope.
Great.
She's so neat, Dad.
Let's get to that ice cream, huh?
Whoa, look at all these candles.
I don't think I've ever seen so many candles before.
Go ahead, go ahead, keep it up.
Maybe we should just torch the whole cake, Dad.
Okay, I can't wait till you turn 36.
Then you'll be 61.
Mm-hmm.
This is a message for Martin Tupper.
Hi, Martin, this is Bill Crandall
over at Evergreen Insurance.
I wanted to wish you a happy...
36th birthday, and to remind you that this might be a good time
to start thinking about expanding your coverage.
Well, wouldn't be a birthday if we didn't look stupid.
Hello, darling.
It's Aunt Ida and Uncle Lou calling
to wish you a happy, happy on your day.
I spoke with your mother...
What? What?
I don't know what you had... Lou, I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone.
For Christ's sake. Sweetheart, don't ever get old.
Lou, it's on your head, for Christ's sake.
Hey, Geronimo, thanks for spending my birthday with me.
Martin. It's Susan Brodsky.
Okay, I confess, sixth grade, Mr. Loomis.
There is just something about a man who knows the Dewey Decimal system.
Hey, thanks for the lovely evening. Bye.
That was Miss Brodsky.
Mm-hmm.
How do you know Miss Brodsky?
I stopped by school yesterday.
Why?
She was concerned about you.
You didn't tell her?
She thought 'cause of the divorce and everything. You told her.
In passing, a short conversation, that's all.
She said it was a lovely evening.
"Lovely evening" doesn't sound like a short conversation.
Yeah, well, see,
then she asked me out for a bite to eat.
You went out with her?
Jeremy, come on.
Do you have cunnilingus?
No. We had Chinese.
I mean, dinner. That's all, I swear.
You stink. Jeremy.
Jeremy Michael Tupper, come out here right now.
Please.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, how many times do I have to say?
Come on, Geronimo, open the door.
I got cake here and what used to be ice cream.
We can watch TV past your bedtime or...
Make phony phone calls, whatever you want.
Yeah. It's Judith.
Come on up.
Hey, guess what? Your mom's coming up.
Isn't that great, huh?
We can all have cake and ice cream, what do you say?
Knock once if you're still alive.
How'd you do that?
Hi. Hi. What's up? You're early.
Jeremy just called me, and said he didn't feel well.
He wanted me to pick him up now. You didn't know?
Oh. Oh, yeah. I knew it.
I guess we kind of overdid it with a cake and ice cream, huh, Geronimo?
Let's go, Mom.
Call me if you want.
By the way, I hate it when you call me Geronimo.
I've always called you Geronimo.
And I've always hated it.
Happy birthday.
Chapter Three.
The Discovery.
Lillian comes home from shopping, exhausted.
Sore feet you wouldn't wish on Hitler.
She walks into the bedroom,
and there on the Persian rug
is her husband Marvin,
in Philip's arms.
Huh. Ah, but she's just devastated.
But what is she supposed to do? Does she fire Philip?
And let me remind you, the house is not finished yet.
Or does she
get revenge?
Well, of course, she gets revenge.
That's why the book is called Lillian's Revenge.
Otherwise the title would be misleading.
Exactly, so, there she is,
sprawled out in the back of his truck.
The smell of peat moss
filling her nostrils.
How can you treat a child that way?
And as he makes animal love to her,
she cries out,
"Acapado! Acapado!"
Some people can't have children.
And here you have a lovely, affectionate child.
Because that's the only
Spanish she knows.
Marty.
You with me? What?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Acapado.
Chapter seven.
Lillian and Mr. Wong.
What kind of a man are you, anyway?
There are tears in her eyes.
Because this man,
this foreign man,
has made her feel more...
more special
than any other man.
What kind of a man are you, anyway?
What kind of a man are you, anyway?
What kind of a man are you, anyway?
What time is it? What?
What... It's almost 3:00.
Marty, where you going?
This is her big emotional breakthrough. I'm sorry, I've gotta go.
There's something very important I have to do. Why don't you finish this up with Toby? Toby.
My assistant.
You'll love her. She's very sensitive.
Jeremy! Son!
Father, for all the tears I've caused you,
forgive me now.
We'll both forgive and speak of it no more.
Not talking to you.
Okay, I'll just have to talk to the back of your head for the rest of my life.
Fine by me. Yeah, you know, while I'm back here,
you could use a haircut. Just got one.
Yeah, and it looks terrific. Look, just because a person gets older,
even as old as I am, it doesn't mean they stop doing stupid things.
And I did a stupid thing. Really stupid thing.
A really stupid thing. And I'm sorry.
You think you can give me a break?
Are you going to see her again?
No.
No, no, I promise.
Dad? Yes?
How come you didn't have sex with her?
Boys have certainly changed since I was a kid.
I guess I didn't have sex with her because
we just met, and I didn't wanna rush into anything,
and have it be bad.
Sex can be bad?
Oh, yeah.
I guess we didn't cover that.
Well, bad like how?
Well, bad like...
you know, your wristwatch keeps getting caught in her hair,
or bad like she keeps calling you Steve.
Or bad like you just don't know each other,
and you don't know if you wanna be there at all.
But sometimes it's good, right?
Yes, Jeremy, sometimes it's very good.
I had a feeling.
You know, in 36 years, I've only learned one thing about sex that's worth anything.
You do it too much, you get diabetes.
No. Who told you that?
Bobby DeMarco. Don't ever listen to him.
No, Geron... Jeremy.
One thing I've learned is take your time.
When?
When you're with a girl,
When you're thinking about being with a girl,
even when you're with yourself.
You think it over for a while,
then ask a few questions, read a little more.
Then make up your own mind.
Think it's her dad?
Yep, definitely her dad.
Seems a little old for her, don't you think?
Absolutely. Guy's gotta be, like, 70.
You wanna go get a pizza? Pepperoni.
Meatball. Pepperoni.
Come on, will you? It's my birthday.
What is this? Your birthday was yesterday.
Give it up. All right. Okay.
Sausage. Pepperoni.
Pepperoni.
Kind of gets you right here, doesn't it?
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