Original subtitles

How can you speak?

You, a flame.

It would be useless to try to escape from me.

You have reason to be frightened.

Oh, Russell, let's go.

Get out, Diane, run.

I can't move. I can't move!

What have you done to her?

Exterminator.

It's 6:30. What are you doing here?

Bugs don't sleep. Not with you buzzing like that.

Come on in.

There's a fender bender on the interstate.

It is all backed up rubbernecking, because of a fender bender.

Actually, you know, I think what it really is,

you know what I think it is?

I think it's, uh, they're backed up

because with this new X-ray deal

they have on the new American cars,

they can see that Doreen hasn't shaved her legs today.

That's why... that's why they're backed up.

Boy, you know, the interior secretary

has called a press conference today, Doreen.

No, not... They're gonna declare your legs a national forest.

Do you hear that?

How come you're not reporting that?

And we're looking for a high Not fair.

Of about 74 degrees today in the metropolitan area.

Yeah, and a little colder...

Ever have one of those days?

Each thing is gonna hold a benefit to save your leg, Doreen.

That's the real news.

Wait, hold on!

Excuse me, getting out.

Excuse me.

I'm getting out.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

You're late. I know, I know.

The eleven o'clock with Loomis Pym

was moved up to 10:15.

Sid's screaming about the galleys for the diet book,

and production called.

There's a typo in the first 3,000 copies

of Our Love is Like a Rose.

Is it bad? No.

Not if you don't mind it being called

Our Love is Like a Nose.

Oh, God. Okay.

Get Sid on the phone for me.

Tell production I'll call him later,

and I could use a refill, thank you.

Mm, what are you wearing today? Black flag?

Please. I'm begging you. Not this morning.

Okay.

But postponing it only makes it worse.

Now, Loomis, uh, the only problem I'm having here

in chapter three is that you keep describing the alien

as looking like, uh, Mr. Peanut.

He did look like Mr. Peanut.

An editor's life is no bed of roses.

You know, we have to plow through some pretty awful stuff

day after day.

Thank you.

"The Unauthorized Biography of Frank Sinatra..."

"Jr."

Sometimes I'd like to rip up manuscripts,

and make the writers responsible for them eat the pieces bit by bit.

Olga.

Olga, this is very difficult for me to say,

and, I imagine, even more difficult for you to hear.

But I'm afraid we're not gonna publish your book.

He took the work I loved, and threw it in my face like a piece of trash.

And so I shot him.

It wasn't just my decision, there was a... a vote,

and many, many, many people.

Tic Tac?

I'm set. Thanks.

I'm very, very sorry.

Please.

Please tell me we're done for the day.

All I want to do is go home, and slip into a coma.

But instead, you're going to the village

to have Italian food with your friend Eddie,

and two young women who I'm sure he's chosen

for their intelligence and wit.

Martin, mark my words, you will thank me.

They're gorgeous, they're built, they're fun, they're attractive...

They're 12.

Hi, Eddie.

Ladies!

Martin, this is Lisi.

Hi. Hello.

This is Robin.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Please have a seat.

We're sorry we're late, but our class ran over.

What... what grade are you in?

Robin and Lisi go to NYU.

Eddie was a guest lecturer in our journalism class.

He was incredible.

I mean, we've had some pretty impressive people.

Diane Sawyer and David Brinkley.

Oh, but Eddie just blew them away.

You were so funny.

David Brinkley wasn't funny?

No.

So, anyway, Robin and I go down to get his autograph,

and he asks us out for dinner, can you believe it?

Actually, yes. Yes I can.

Can I take your drink orders?

What would you girls... Women like?

I'd like a white Russian, please.

I'll have a white wine spritzer.

And may I see the young ladies' ID?

Make that a Perrier.

Same here.

Uh, scotch rocks.

No, make that a Perrier.

Just an Irish coffee.

Thank you.

You hungry?

Mm, starving.

Ten bucks says we have to hose them down before the soup course.

Can I tell you a secret?

Am I gonna have to tell you one back?

I almost wasn't gonna come tonight.

I mean, you know how when a friend sets you up with someone,

and you're sure it's gonna turn out really wrong?

I think I know what that's like.

Well...

I'm really glad I came.

Well, he's not in any danger, is he?

I... I mean, they're just children.

That's right, ma'am. There's nothing to worry about.

They're just children.

Ah, excuse me, but I have to pee.

Robin, you coming?

Are you a happy boy?

Yeah, as long as we don't cross any state lines.

What? They're 20. I'm sure the waiter thinks they're our wives.

Only way to stay young, Martin.

And yet, somehow, I'm feeling incredibly old.

Fine, feel old, but I am gonna enjoy myself tonight.

In fact, the way things are going,

I don't think Lisi and I are gonna make it through dessert.

Oh, leaving me with Robin.

I think she likes you.

Really? Did she pass you a note at the pep rally?

Okay, look,

nobody is saying you have to go steady with her.

Come on, will ya? Be sane.

What... what am I gonna do with a 20-year-old?

Can I get you a soda or something?

Wait, wait, Robin.

I don't think we should be doing this. Why not?

Well, I'm old enough to be your father's young friend.

Age has nothing to do with it.

It's the performance that counts.

Robin, this is going very quickly.

Yeah.

You're fighting mother nature, and you can't win.

I want you now.

Well, okay.

Oh, what you're doing is unbelievable.

Can't breathe.

Oh, me neither.

Oh, Christ. Oh, Christ.

Go ahead, baby. You can if you want to.

Robin.

What do you want, baby? Tell me what you want.

911. You want what?

911.

I've never done that. Call 911!

Mr. Tupper, before we can admit you,

we just need a little bit of information.

What's your social security number?

374-30

2150.

Number two, mother's maiden name.

Mother's maiden name?

Question number three,

have you ever enjoyed a large,

broiled, juicy sirloin steak

smothered in onions and mushrooms

with an order of french-fried potatoes?

Now, Mr. Tupper,

this isn't going to hurt a bit.

You just relax.

What is it? That noise.

Don't you know? It's your heart beating.

Pounding and pounding and pounding.

Am I dead?

No, I...

I have only left my body.

Am I dead?

No, Mr. Tupper, you just passed out.

Someone's here to see you. I'll be back in a little bit.

How do you feel?

Like I swallowed a Barcalounger.

Well, the doctors don't think it was a heart attack.

What do they know?

I'm glad you're here. Dr. Alexander.

Dr. Alexander. Hi.

Are you Martin's sister?

No, I'm his ex-wife.

A... and you're his... Date.

Ah, I see.

Well, this explains a lot.

Uh, Judith Tupper, this is Robin.

Robin...

You feel free to jump in at any time.

Oh, Robin Fuller. Ah.

Well, I... I guess I better be getting back to the dorm.

Feel better, okay?

Bye.

Back... back to the dorm?

I'm in the hospital. Be nice.

Jude, I'm scared. I know.

Martin?

Hi. I'm Dr. St. Claire. How you feeling?

Uh, a little better. The pressure's gone.

Extension, 78.

Haven't we met? Yeah, at Dr. Keller's party.

I'm Richard Stone's fianc

Right, you know, you are marrying

a very special man.

During the earthquake in Armenia,

his courage was an inspiration to all of us.

Thanks. I'll tell him.

When's the wedding?

Hello. Oh, sorry.

Martin, I've gone over all your tests, and...

What? What is it? It's bad, isn't it?

It's in the bloodstream, Martin.

Nothing can be done.

Did you do anything unusually strenuous today?

Needed in the emergency ward...

I started to.

Martin, I'm inclined to send you home.

I want you to take it easy for a couple of days.

And, uh, call me immediately if there's any recurrence.

Don't worry. You'll hear the screams.

Okay, now, here comes the speech.

It's time to start taking care of yourself.

Let's cut down on the cholesterol.

I'd like you to get more exercise.

Oh, and one other thing,

I want you to cut out caffeine.

There's a pool on the third floor,

says you won't last a week.

My personal opinion is you'll be sucking whole beans

by the end of the day.

Well, I really appreciate the support.

But you're wrong. Twenty bucks.

You're on. What's this?

Mrs. Benning's all-natural herbal tea.

It's made from six different berries and four different grains.

Would you like some coffee?

How about some coffee?

Mm. That's good.

It's obviously an acquired taste.

Like cat food.

Don't worry, the blinding headaches

will go away in a couple of months.

Could I have some coffee, please?

Then they brought us all onto the mother ship,

and I distinctly remember smelling cheese.

Cheese?

Cheddar cheese.

God. Some coffee, maybe?

Shall I have my butler bring us in some coffee?

Coffee? I'd love some.

Top of the morning to you, Mrs. Olsen.

Fine. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Well, I said I'll take care of it.

Fine. Fine. Yes, today.

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!

Toby, did we get a fax from Gianni?

Yes. Give it to me.

Hey! Am I gonna have to take those away from you?

Here.

Mm, Colombian. Dark roast.

That'll be all, Toby.

Bitch.

I'm just going to get some coffee.

I can tell you better after I've had my coffee.

Oh, have another cup.

I make very good coffee.

Toby, what the hell did you do with the Munderloh notes?

Never mind, I found them.

Is there caffeine in chocolate?

You look like shit.

One more attack, Joe, and you're finished, dead.

Stone cold in the market.

Martin. Eddie. Eddie.

How'd it go with Robin last night?

She put me in the hospital.

All right, man!

You ever worry about colorectal cancer?

No.

You haven't asked me how it went with Lisi last night.

How about, we didn't get out of bed

till 45 minutes ago?

Martin, man, this girl is incredible.

I mean, there's something special about her.

And I don't just mean the sex part.

Uh, do you have fiber in your diet?

I... I don't have any fiber in my diet.

You know, you could have polyps growing inside you right now,

and y... you'd never even know.

Polyps.

Yeah, and did you know

that every seven minutes a man over 35

drops dead of a heart attack?

Are you all right?

Sure, right now.

Look, uh, Martin,

you want me to come over after the show?

Nah.

I'm okay.

You're sure? Yeah.

I'll... I'll talk to you later.

If you're gonna find Mr. Death,

you're gonna find your match.

And that's the truth.

Martin, what are you doing here? You all right?

It's after midnight.

Is it? Yeah.

Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

Tell Richard I'm sorry.

Richard's not here. He's in Paris.

He's heading that team that's doing the prenatal heart surgery.

It's been on the news.

I guess I've been pretty out of it.

Martin, what do you want?

I just wanted to see Jeremy.

Well, he's sleeping. That's okay.

It's okay, I just...

Ever since the hospital, you know, I just...

I just need to see him.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Well, I guess I should go.

Hey, you got the couch recovered, huh?

Would you like a cup of Postum?

No. No, that's okay.

How you doing?

Old.

I'm doing old.

Jude, when... when did we get so old?

Do we have to include me?

You know, last night at the hospital, I looked death in the face.

Martin, you didn't look...

You looked death in the face.

Well, for the first time,

I stared right into the abyss, you know.

It made me think.

Tell me.

We live in chaos and confusion, and...

and beyond that

lies the vast unknown of heaven.

Martin, what... what does that mean?

I don't know.

It sounded great in the cab on the way over.

I miss this. Yeah. I know.

Well, not you, but this.

I know.

I guess I'm not gonna find it with some 20-year-old

who hasn't picked her major yet.

Probably not.

Hello?

Merci, op

Honey! Hi, I miss you too!

How did it go?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Uh-huh.

They're naming the baby Richard?

That is so sweet.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Hi.

Well, I'll be darned.

What are you doing here? It's late.

I don't know, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

I'm okay.

Look, I want to thank you for last night,

I mean, coming to the hospital and everything.

Oh, that's all right.

I'm glad I was there.

Well, you should be getting to bed, you know.

It's a school night.

I... I don't have classes in the morning.

You want to come up?

You sure?

Yeah.

Would you like some coffee?