Original subtitles

Hey, Captain.

Oh, hey, what's up, Mom? Nothing. I'm just getting to work. I'm a little late.

I'm supposed to be there at 9, but... Oh, yeah, you've got to be going. Yeah,

know.

I wanted to know, would it be okay if Victor came through? We're going to put

some video games on. Yeah, of course. I'm working with his mom, so I'll just

tell him... I'll tell her to pick him up here. Oh, awesome. Cool. Oh, before I

forgot, did you schedule that physical?

Ugh, I mean, I feel fine. I don't know why I have to go hate doctors.

Nobody really likes doctors, but we have to go to them, right?

Do I have to? Yeah, you do.

Fine.

I'll do it. Okay.

See you later.

Later, Mom.

Dude, I am going to wreck your ass so hard. I'm going to fucking use your

like a fucking hat. You're exhausting.

Oh, such a pain.

Hey, honey.

What's up, Mom? Hi.

So, how was the doctor?

Yeah.

It was good. Great.

Yeah. You hate the doctor. How was it good?

It was a little cooler.

Yeah, it was a chill doctor.

What kind of tests did they do?

You know, the usual. Mouth swab.

Yeah. Cat swab.

You know better than I do.

Reflexes. Breathe.

That stuff, you know. You didn't go?

No, totally not. No, you didn't go. I know you're fucking lying to me.

Totally went.

Yeah, it was great. No, you didn't. Good times.

You're a horrible liar.

Fuck, man.

You're horrible liars. Yeah.

Whatever.

I'll call them tomorrow.

No. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. No, there's no tomorrow.

There's no tomorrow? We're doing this checkup now.

Now? Yeah.

We're both qualified to do it. And we're not letting this go another day because

this is ridiculous. You had one job today.

You could have had the doctor. And you couldn't do it. You could have had the

doctor do it, but now your mom has to do it. Yeah. It's a great idea.

Totally good idea, Mom. I respect the initiative, but.

You had one job and you couldn't do it. So guess what? Now it's my way.

Come on. And now I'm going to do it.

Let's just let him do it.

Fine. Whatever. It'll be quick. It'll be. Yeah, whatever. You know, so check

breathing. Knock it out. Check our heart rate. All right. Fine.

All right. Sit up.

I need you to take deep breaths.

Okay.

Okay.

Again.

Now cough.

A little harder, please.

Okay, good.

Seems to check out.

Okay, honey, so I need to check your breathing, okay?

All right. All right, take a deep breath in.

Good. Take a deep breath in.

Good.

All right. Take a deep breath in.

All right. Give me a good cough.

Good. Your lungs sound healthy.

All right. We done that?

No. It's not over yet. All right. So now I'm going to test your reflexes.

All right, how did that feel?

It felt like you hitting me in the knee, but, you know, I guess we're all good

now, right? We're done?

No, we're not.

Okay, so now I'm going to check your reflexes.

Okay.

Good.

Good.

Can you see this one?

Good. Ouch.

Then didn't it hurt?

We don't know.

No. All right, so now I'm going to check your blood pressure, okay?

Okay.

Good. Alright.

Now last test.

I hate this one.

Open up and say ah, okay?

Ah. Ah.

Okay, everything's fine back here, but you need to floss better.

Whatever. Okay, so now I have to take your reflex for your tongue.

Okay, open wide.

Ah.

Good.

That wasn't that bad.

Yeah, not that bad.

All right, so... That's it? We're done? Finally? No.

Unfortunately,

the next part, we're going to have to see their penis.

What?

Yeah. No, I'm not okay with that. No, no, no, no. It's so weird, Mom.

Come on.

Well, we can swap.

I don't... We can switch.

Just let me feel a little less weird. A little less weird?

Yeah. Let's just get this shit done, dude.

Okay, so now I gotta unbutton these.

Okay.

Okay, looks healthy.

Alright.

You have any pain anywhere?

No. Can you put it away now? No.

Alright, give me a good cough.

Good.

Hmm.

Does that feel fine? Nothing hurts?

Yeah, everything's fine. Okay.

Cough for me?

And that doesn't hurt?

No, ma 'am.

Okay.

Well, I sure am taking your time.

You have to inspect every part of you.

Yeah, make sure it's healthy.

I think it's pretty healthy.

I inspect it pretty much three times every night.

Me too, man.

I know, I wash your clothes.

How's your exam going?

Good. So, we still have to collect the stuff, though, right?

Yeah, how's the exam going, though? Good. Good? Okay, yeah. This thing is

functional. Okay, good.

Yeah, so is your sentence.

Okay, so...

How about I take the specimen from your son, and you'll take the specimen from

my son?

Okay. Yeah, let's do that. That'd be weird, you know? Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Um, specimen?

Oh, we're gonna milk you.

What? Milk?

Yeah. Yeah, we have to drain it, so, um... We have to drain it. We can get a

sample. We can get a sample and take them to the lab.

I've never heard that before.

Just take a seat. It's gonna be tough. Just sit down.

Okay. You ask too many questions.

Yeah, yeah. It's often.

Is this one of those procedures that gets done for every physical once you

that age?

No. No.

It's a standard procedure. You look very healthy.

How's it going?

Good. Is he healthy?

Yeah. Good.

How about yours?

Yeah, it's very healthy.

Yeah?

Can't wait to milk him.

We're just going to make sure we get all the milk out, okay?

Okay. You're not milking, like, a whole bunch of guys at work, are you?

I'm not sure whether it's any of your business.

All right, doctor, patient, confidentiality.

Are you

comfortable?

Yeah, I really am comfortable.

Everything feels perfect.

Is that good?

You have to get this once a year, okay?

Once a year, alright.

I don't know why we were cleaning this off.

I know.

Now you see what you were missing.

Yeah. You might

come back every six months then.

Check up every two weeks.

Does it usually take you a long time to do this?

No, not really.

This is much more physical than I was expecting.

Yeah, they trained us for this in medical school.

She has her own profession.

Yeah, we're specially trained.

Your mom's very good at her job.

Oh, shit.

There's different techniques to this.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Yeah Yeah,

now we have an alternate form of milking

How do you propose I'm doing that, if not through this?

Oh, we have our methods. We have another idea.

Okay, see ya.

Dude,

I can see your mom's boobs.

Dude, I can see your mom's boobs.

Oh, my God.

Your mom's got a nice house.

Dude, look at your mom's house.

Oh,

my

God.

Should we get back to our milking?

Should

we

start the next phase?

What's the next phase?

Don't worry about that. I need you to put your

penis in my pussy.

You might as well come from here.

He's actually getting wet, Mom, real quick.

Don't make it weird.

Your pussy gets really wet when you have your thug dick in your mouth

Oh, I finally feel so good.

Wow.

So that's what I've been flipping out on all these years? Yeah, I tried to tell

you, but you won't fucking listen.

Jesus,

mom!

This is really good.

Don't think that this is my idea.

How's my mom looking at you?

do it bro

to the physical.

Saturday Night Live.

Cheers. Cheers.

Well, now what are you going to do with a specimen?

Was this all a setup?

I thought you had to go to the doctor.

We're going to have to do another physical, I guess.

Again?

Again. Oh, Jesus.

That's fine.

You know what? Whatever.

It's not so bad getting our physical.

It wasn't a bad physical.

Nah. We've got to send him off for results.

Yeah.

Thanks, Mom.

You're welcome.

I always know best.