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A MOVIE BY SWEN DE PAUW

EVERYONE'S THERAPY COUCH

My dear Diane, thank you for your input.

I know this is a particularly

difficult time for you.

-Very difficult. -Yes.

It's really tough because...

my sons have been going through...

what you would call a major tragedy.

As have I,

because I didn't think it'd affect me like this.

My ex-husband passed away suddenly last Wednesday

at the age of 49.

He got up to go to work

and he went back to bed as he felt bad.

Then he suffered a cardiac arrest.

It's even harder for me,

because I have to stay strong for my three boys.

I can tell they're suffering

and I can't manage to handle anything whatsoever anymore.

I'm feeling really terrible.

I've not been able to eat anything in days.

I can't get anything down.

Apart from...

alcohol due to my problem.

-That's... -Yes.

You're managing to get down some alcohol?

Alcohol, yes.

-To gain some strength. -Yes.

Even though it disgusts me.

But that's all you can get down?

For now, yes.

I know that's not a solution. I'm aware of that.

That's...

-a temporary solution. -But...

No need to ruminate over it either.

Plus I went to the morgue to say goodbye to him.

I still spent 26 years

with him.

He's the father of my children.

Yes.

So I'm still struggling with that. I've lost two brothers-in-law

and now my ex-husband.

Is this suffering coming

from the fact my kids are suffering in such a way?

What's reassuring me...

It's because you have

such a big heart.

That's why you're suffering so much.

It's crazy.

I feel like it's never-ending.

Well it is never-ending.

It'll end when we die.

Yes, of course.

Otherwise it never ends.

In any case, he's resting in peace.

-Really? -Yes.

He had a handsome face

and he looked relieved and was smiling.

That's what reassured me. Well, when I say reassured...

He shouldn't have gone but...

Well, who should go? No one, but...

It's a part of life.

What else can we do?

That can add value to our lives,

knowing we'll all die one day.

Yes. Exactly.

Some people think we come back as calves in another life.

Yes, in a way I believe that too.

-I'm not too sure what I believe. -Yes.

Someone said: "Humans are good..."

Not always, but they're generally good.

"...but calves are better."

Calves are better.

Those poor calves in the meadow,

asking nothing from no one!

Well, yeah.

I read a text yesterday on abused women.

-Yes. -It was a short text

where a woman shared her experience anonymously.

She said: "When my partner would come home,

"just from how he'd shut the door

"I'd know how he was going to hit me."

Oh, yes.

You can sense it.

She said: "He hit me for years

"and at a certain point I left without anything."

Yes.

She recounted that little...

-She ended up with nothing. -...episode.

I know they can get mad if the salt cellar's in the wrong place

or if the plate or place setting isn't quite right...Yes.

It's not only the beatings

that are destructive.

What then?

It's the fact...

of loving that person who hits you like that.

Morally, it breaks you. It breaks your heart.

It's that contradiction.

We tend to try and understand these things.

Yes, that's what I tried to do.

I tried to understand.

He was raised like that,

his dad was violent, his brothers are too.

He was in that environment.

That violent environment.

Yes, a violent environment.

Even though he was loving too.

I'm sure he loved me.

Yes.

I was showered with gifts and I never wanted for anything.

That just wasn't the primary focus or the basis for our relationship.

-Yes. -But hey,

I'd just forgive him like that and I'd think: "OK,

"he wasn't comfortable in his own skin."

Diane, how shall we play things then?

-How can I help you? -I don't know.

Do we need to put you in a shelter

or is that not necessary right now?

I don't even have a clue myself, Doctor.

Honestly.

I'm going to try and carry on but in a way, I'm also worried

that if I do, will I completely lose it?

That wouldn't be good for my boys either.

If you do lose it, we'll help you.

-If you're still alive... -Yes.

We could move you somewhere

to protect you until all of this resurfaces.

We've got Christmas fast approaching too.

What relevance does that have?

For me it's...

I've always tried to keep my family unit together.

Other abused women try to do this too.

Yes.

Perhaps some women want to protect

their family unit

and I'm really family oriented.

They would have spent the 24th at their dad's.

OK.

So now I don't know what'll happen.

It could be good to turn Christmas into a celebration then

to pay homage to your ex-husband.

Yes, exactly.

So if you devote yourself to that we can see each other again after

and in the meantime, perhaps don't drink too much before Christmas.

-Save yourself for Christmas. -Yes.

I'll try to.

-Are you unsure if you can? -No.

-Are you unsure you'll manage it? -No.

I'm all out of alcohol.

Anyhow, if it doesn't go well, I'll call you.

But anyway,

I think there is only one solution.

It's down to me to pull myself together but that's tough.

Yes, but you have the means to do so, Diane, you have your kind heart.

Yes.

Perhaps that's the problem.

Sometimes it's better to be selfish. No, I'm being spiteful now.

You won't be able to resolve all of your problems

so you must put things into perspective in terms of things

that you can resolve

and things you can't.

-You must accept that. -And let it go.

Yes.

OK then.

-Bye, Diane. -Bye.

Thanks for your help.

No worries.

See you on Tuesday then.

If there is anything you need...

OK, great.

-Bye. -Goodbye.

Hi there Gilbert, how are you doing?

I'm still the same.

I'm extremely lazy.

I no longer know how to get out of it.

I tried to cut down on the Tercian,

but I had problems sleeping.

I then started taking a 100mg tablet.

We cut that down by half.

Perhaps I'll be able to try it again

as it was a temporary thing.

We could try and reduce it back down to 50 again.

Otherwise,

I don't feel depressed.

It's just these issues of laziness that I've got.

I've got a problem. It's becoming an issue.

There's one thing that eludes me.

What are you doing?

What are you doing in life?

-Nothing. -Nothing?

Practically nothing.

-Is that a possibility for you? -Yes.

Don't you read the news?

I no longer even read the paper in the mornings.

The only thing I might do is read the news on the computer.

OK, so tell me more.

I spend two to three hours a day on the computer

-looking at the news. -That's quite a lot of screen time.

So it's not like I'm not doing anything at all anymore

but besides that, I don't do anything.

Perhaps we'll discover some other things you can do.

Every day, I say to myself: perhaps tomorrow

it'll be better, but hey...

I've always got an ounce of hope that it'll improve, but anyway...

It's... Well, there you go.

Once you've logged off the news websites,

what do you do?

Once you've logged off the news websites,

what do you do the rest of the time?

Where do you eat?

-Sorry? -Where do you eat?

-Where do I eat? -Yes.

-At home. -Do you do the cooking?

Yes, but I don't cook a lot.

What do you make?

In the mornings, I'll eat cereal with soy milk

and fruit, lots of fruit,

but I don't cook.

How about at midday?

At midday, I eat fruit.

-And in the evening? -In the evening too.

Honestly?

Yes, I'm too lazy to cook.

And you don't go to a restaurant from time to time?

I do from time to time, yes.

For the daily special or...?

I occasionally go to a restaurant

and I eat a pizza

or something like that, but otherwise, not really.

How about your social contacts,

besides your daughter and ex-wife,

is there anyone else you hang out with?

No, no one.

If you could just switch seats, please.

It's essential for the psychotherapy to be effective.

That's unsettling me because that's not my seat.

Ah, OK.

Well that seat is more effective for you.

That's true.

It is colder.

You didn't warm it up for me.

I didn't have time to.

How did you...?

How did you manage...

when you crossed paths

with your ex-supervisor?

What happened?

We popped by the works council.

After, she was...

She wanted to go and see a colleague who is retiring.

She just wanted to say goodbye to her.

Coming back from ER, she came face to face with...

-So she dodged her. -With...?

No, I had stayed outside.

She was just going

to quickly say goodbye and then...

Then,

at reception she bumped into her.

She managed to dodge her

by hiding in the office of the other person.

When she was in front of the door to the office, she was there again.

I hid...

I couldn't find the exit anymore.

I couldn't find it

and so I hid behind some curtains.

I was overcome by a horrific panic attack.

I couldn't find the exit anymore

and I knew he was waiting for me outside but I...

I hid away.

I hid myself away.

The nurses were asking me

what was wrong with me.

I absolutely had to avoid her, but it was a...

Did she do something to you when you crossed paths?

Absolutely not.

-Nothing? -Nothing.

All she did was look at her.

She looked at me in a disdainful way

as if I was a piece of shit.

And...

Even though I felt ready.

I had always said, the day I see her again...

we had already spoken about it

and he said I should say hi back to her if she had to say hello to me.

Yes, in a positive manner.

-Yes. -To make the world a better place.

That was one hell of a feat

as if she was going to say hello to me

I was going to say: "Go fuck yourself."

As you're nothing to her?

But it's not like me to say that either.

Yes.

But why has that triggered such fear within me?

I was panicked.

Do you realize?

I was hidden behind the curtains like a child.

Why do you give her such power?

Think about that.

It's not a criticism.

Why do you give her such power?

People have said that before.

If I'm making her that important it's just because, in a way...

It's just because of what?

I don't know.

She's not that important.

She only is to you.

She's my supervisor.

Yes, OK. And so what?

Why does she have such a hold over me?

It's you who is giving her that power, not her.

She's not doing anything.

She has always been a moron.

She still is and she hasn't changed.

She is no more moronic than she was before,

nor any meaner.

I don't think it's an ascending curve.

With your generosity,

it is you who is granting her this power.

It's like she's got this giant cobra head.

It's like a giant snake's head.

I've seen that in The Jungle Book, he tries to rule the jungle.

That's not necessarily a scary thing.

Yes, but I feel like I see her everywhere

and she scares me.

The fear is within you, it's not her.

Just by seeing her...

has made a year of my therapy go down the drain.

-No, not at all. -I assure you it has.

No, there is still work to be done

but it's not this woman's fault.

Leave her in peace.

I hope she dies.

Leave her in pax. Pax, is peace in Latin.

I hope she dies.

Why do you want her to die?

Just because.

There is a place for everyone on this planet.

Don't act silly now.

Don't let your hard work go down the pan and start spiraling.

It's not worth it.

We don't need to do anything drastic to find peace.

Tell me a bit more on this

as the prefecture knows you under the name X.

Yes.

Will you give them your real name one day or not?

I'd love to, Doctor, then I could give you my name.

I've even been to the..

To the administrative court, Doctor.

I'd like people to know. Do you understand, Doctor?

Then I could go down to North Africa on vacation.

I've not been back to my homeland in 11 years.

Right.

It's difficult. All of my friends are there.

I want to go there in August

to see my family.

Right now, with your name as an X,

they can't give you a ten year visa, in my opinion.

Why haven't you given your birth name?

To be completely honest, I had issues in Germany before.

I had three...

Five years of therapy.

Five years shut away.

After that, they deported me back to Algeria.

Then I came back from Algeria potentially in 2000?

No, 2004. Actually it was '94.

I was in therapy for a decade up until 2009.

2009, March 28th.

They sent me to Algeria. With Lufthansa to Algeria.

I went from Rome in Italy to Algiers. I did a stopover.

Anyway, in 2009,

no 2000, I went back to Morocco.

Then I went from Morocco to Spain by boat.

Were there many people on the boat or were you the only one?

There were three of us.

We paid a Moroccan guy for the boat.

It was a small boat.

We each paid 1,500 francs.

It wasn't far. It's like going from here to the tram.

The beach isn't far.

After that, I went back to Spain.

I lived there for a month then I went back to France.

And why did you come here? Did someone you know live here?

I don't know, I just did it.

I just automatically came here.

Had you heard of Strasbourg before?

Yes, that's how I came here.

I stayed in Strasbourg.

I slept alongside alcoholics

in the police car impound.

In Koenigshoffen, you know?

We lived over there.

Then I met my buddy who is a Doctor like you.

She said to me: "Give a fake Iraqi name."

She advised you to give a false name?

Yes, exactly.

She said to me: "Give a false name."

Then I gave my false name and I was given a warrant.

-OK. -Then five more warrants.

Did you apply for asylum in Germany?

No, I didn't.

You haven't applied for asylum anywhere else besides France?

In France I have, yes.

Perhaps it'd be beneficial

if you told all of this to your lawyer.

-Yes. -OK?

Yes.

I'd like to do that,

honestly.

I'd like that for you so you can get the wheels in motion.

-I'm taking action, Doctor. -Contact your lawyer then.

OK?

OK, Doctor.

Tell me what you need.

Atarax too, please.

Tercian.

There is half left in the bottle.

That's all good, Doctor.

How are you doing?

Still the same. I don't feel depressed

in the standard sense of the term.

Perhaps it's depression but in another form.

It is in another form because as you've mentioned yourself,

you suffer from having dark thoughts.

Yes.

Depending on how often you have them that is still a sign

of depression when it's chronic.

-Yes. -It's when you've got dark thoughts.

Could we not try another antidepressant?

My dear Gilbert. He is stubborn.

Was he born like this?

It runs in the family.

They're all like this?

I'm the same.

-Really? -Yes.

OK.

It's contagious!

We'll see each other in a week.

That allows me to take stock and...

In a week, nothing could happen...

It could just so happen... that we lose you.

Gilbert, we could lose you.

You're not going to come in every day.

I don't want to go into the clinic.

I understand.

We're not going to get mad because of that.

Yes.

However, that means there is a big risk.

At the clinic,

my colleague would see you every day.

Plus the nurses are there for you 24/7.

Then my colleagues can see

how you are getting on in terms of your mood, thoughts

and suffering.

I don't want to go into the clinic.

Dad, you can't judge your state of mind

for yourself if you're doing this treatment at home...

I can't do it.

If I feel like I'm improving or going downhill,

I know how to tell the difference.

Gilbert, the problem is we could lose you.

You've already had strange episodes...

Yes.

...where you withdrew into yourself

and you were all alone

without the instinct to call for help.

That has already happened once or twice.

All it takes is it happening once more and we could lose you.

It's not worth us

taking that risk.

Shall we carry on with the Anafranil?

You should play poker, right?

I'm missing that impetus.

Yes.

To get myself back on the right track,

to get back to making plans,

being interested in things and keeping busy.

I have a huge vegetable garden.

I've still not done anything for three weeks,

I should have got down to it

and I've still not done anything.

I just leave...

I think you could get that impetus back.

It won't magically appear by itself. You mustn't...

I don't know what you think?

I don't know if one morning you'll cry and it'll appear.

That's what I hope.

That's possible, besides... With treatment.

-With treatment. -Yes.

-So now... -Yes.

We've been in this situation for months,

between two mental states, which satisfied Gilbert,

as it was worse before,

but it's not at the level of what he has experienced before

and the freedom he aspires to have.

As your daughter,

I wouldn't want you to take that risk

and for you to do this at home.

I'm already worrying enough.

Sometimes, if I've not seen him online for two days,

I wonder if he is still alive.

You can't play

with other people's feelings. You must realize

that we worry about you.

That annoys me too.

Yes, but you don't think that it's bothering us either.

He must think of how others may feel too.

We must weigh up the pros and the cons, Gilbert.

You're making out as if we are deporting you.

It's as if being admitted to hospital is

like the deportation of the Malgré-Nous...

-Yes. -...back in '42.

I think this stay could be very beneficial for you.

You could perhaps even be well enough

to welcome your second grandchild into the world.

Anyway.

We won't convince him today.

Perhaps it'll be a complex task.

You can't experiment by yourself.

-No, we're doing it... -OK.

-We're doing it with assistance. -Yes.

So...

How can I put it?

I'm starting to get to know people and be more...

sociable, let's say,

but I'm still not experiencing intimacy yet.

That's another kettle of fish.

For example, I have a friend.

I support her, but I can't take it any further.

She's the one who called me yesterday evening.

I've pretty much already tried to pursue something.

She just sees me as a friend and that's it.

I must stay as just that.

I get stressed.

You can refuse the role of being a friend, you can be...

I get the impression

that I'm her only friend so she wants to keep me in her life.

To hold onto you dearly as...

-Indeed. -At least as her only friend.

Exactly.

But that bugs me because I have...

-Urges? -You could say that.

-Yes, other objectives. -Exactly.

So there is that conflict of interest.

Kind of, yes.

You could try to see

if you can rise to the challenge of staying her friend, whether you're

her only friend or not

and be something else too.

I'm doing that and managing it for the pure and simple reason

that when it comes to intimacy

for me there is a lot of work to be done there.

-I don't understand. -Regarding intimacy,

I have a long way to go.

If you end up getting to that point.

-Exactly. -Yes.

That's why she's chilled about it.

Does she know about that?

More or less. I've not told her I'm crazy,

but as she can tell I'm not jumping her bones

she can keep

on calling me

and seeing me.

She doesn't want to jump your bones?

No, apparently not.

So you can agree to keep things as they are

or you could bring it up again,

if you do it respectfully.

Yes, but...

You can try tackling this again every evening.

Perhaps she'd like it if you took her on dates.

And there truly could be something,

say an obstacle, preventing it from going any further,

which would be surprising...

but perhaps she is really fragile

or she has a need for control.

I also...

Yes?

My ability to be intimate is terrible.

Anyhow, that should be looked into and you can

get past it. That belief can go to hell, if I may say that.

How about Viagra?

I should try that without a girlfriend?

That's an option. Or try it once with a woman.

I don't see when or with who.

You can head towards Germany, as we spoke about before.

Ah.

OK?

We have time.

OK.

Shall we end there for today?

Yes, boss.

Would you like to add anything?

That's fine.

Do you need Bromazepam?

Yes, I'd like some.

I'm scared of people, of no longer being able to communicate.

It's shit.

-Shit? -Yes.

-What's shit? -It's shit.

-What are you referring to...? -I'm a piece of shit.

You're a piece of shit?

-No. -You're not.

I am.

I won't contradict you.

If you think you're a piece of shit

I won't argue the toss.

No.

Or convince you otherwise,

but your partner is a pretty nice guy, isn't he?

Him.

I'm lucky he is here, yes.

-He's a good guy. -Yes.

Not everyone is lucky enough

to have a partner.

-True. -Isn't that right?

Don't you think

that helps to improve

your self-image slightly?

If a guy like him respects

and loves you.

He's not outside of my circle.

OK, so you view people outside of your circle differently

to how you view your husband?

Yes. I know my husband loves me

and he has supported me.

If he hadn't been there,

I'd no longer be here.

But I'm afraid of people outside of my circle.

I think he acts this way because he loves me,

but what about the others?

Does he love pieces of shit?

He can't do.

Well, he could, but...

He's with you for other reasons.

It's because of your qualities, your generosity and sincerity.

Even if you greatly doubt that.

-Don't you think? -I don't know.

Why are you staying with me?

That's great, start by tearing a strip off him.

Tear a strip off him because he loves you.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

There's no need for him to say it, he shows you.

You should be able to tell why he is with you.

How are you doing?

I'm good, and you?

I'm not doing great.

I'm not great as I'm quite preoccupied at the moment.

Oh really?

-This situation is kind of... -I still have this here...

I'm still suffering with it.

How come?

I got hit with a hammer.

-A hammer? -Yes.

I've not been able to sleep up until recently.

How did that happen?

I had things put in here. With...

-Stitching? -Yes.

Up until now it's...

It's always caused me trouble.

When were you hit with a hammer?

-It was back in '89. -In '89?

Yes. I got hit here too. See?

I can't manage to pick things up.

-You were injured there as well? -Yes.

You can still see it here where I had stitches in.

What age were you in '89?

In '89, I think I was...

I was born in 1972.

-In '72. -Yes.

-So you were 17. -Around about, yes.

Was that when there were massacres

-against the Blacks in Mauritania? -Yes.

In the text I skim read, it mentions slavery.

Yes, that's right.

What is the situation in Mauritania?

Is there still slavery now?

Yes, there is still slavery even now. I was born into it.

My dad, mom, cousin were all subject to it.

I grew up with it.

How was it?

We'd go and do...

We'd go and do...How do you say it?

I don't know how to say it in French.

What language do you speak?

Is the language of Mauritania is Mauritanian?

Pulaar.

-Pulaar? -Yes.

Your whole family experienced being slaves?

Yes, the whole family.

-Are they Arabs or Black? -Arabs.

We're Black,

but our masters were Arabs.

-Your master was Arab? -Yes.

An Arab.

What from all of that is still going through your mind right now?

From that period and your whole life story?

I'm struggling in life

because I lost my Mom and Dad.

I came here to stay.

If I don't have the means,

I will die here.

I can't go back to Mauritania.

If I go back there, he will hit me again and kill me

because I fled.

-You did? -Yes.

You what...?

They're still looking for me over there.

-You are wanted. -Yes.

Why do you think they are still looking for you?

They're looking for me because of my mother and father.

They passed away.

They died, so I must carry on the work

of my mother and father.

So, I fled.

OK.

You get arrested everywhere.

The Arabs in Mauritania did you harm

and you've had issues with the French police too.

-Yes. -OK.

And have you ever worked here illegally?

I've worked but for only three months.

After that, I got arrested so I stopped.

And if you had the chance to work one day,

which job would you do?

I'd work in catering, cleaning

or I'd be a garbage collector.

-You'd collect garbage? -Yes, exactly.

-Are you Fulani? -Yes.

What qualities do the Fulani people have?

For years,

the Fulani people have... How can I say it in French?

We have sheep.

You are shepherds.

We are shepherds, yes.

For years,

our grandparents would look after camels.

-So, we'd do that too. -You're farmers.

Yes, exactly. The Fulani people are.

And in France, you don't want to farm sheep?

If there are sheep here, I'd like to.

-Oh, yes? -I know them inside out.

In certain regions in France, there are still flocks being herded.

If there are, I'd love that as I grew up doing that.

I grew up doing it so I know all about it.

I know it all in depth. I know sheep like the back of my hand.

What are the...?

From the age of 7 to 37, I've worked with them.

Since you were seven, so since 1979.

Up until 2002.

I know sheep farming inside out.

And what do you need to know to become a sheep farmer?

Over there, my grandpa gave me...

How do I say it again?

He explained it all to me.

It's all in my head.

Is that right?

Yes.

I know all about sheep farming. If there are any in Strasbourg,

I can do it.

God willing, perhaps you will find some sheep to herd here.

That's better than trash collecting.

Yes, because I know nothing about garbage collecting.

However, I know sheep farming really well.

OK, best of luck.

Thanks a lot.

We're going to do some great work.

No worries.

-Thanks a lot. -No problem.

Thanks.

-Have a good evening. -Bye.

Bye.

I'm annoyed because,

at the pharmacy they said they were keeping a close eye on the meds.

I don't know where to hide them.

-At customs? -Yes.

A Moroccan guy served me

and he told me to keep my prescription,

as I could have issues.

Have you made the trip before?

I hid them in socks once.

-Socks you were wearing? -Yes.

Now, I've unpackaged them all

and put them in a pill box.

-You showed me it. -Yes.

So, I don't know

how it'll go.

He told me some people are more jobsworths than others

when doing the checks.

I think you've already got more experience than him

as you've already got through with medication.

I've got through several times.

It should perhaps be you

who teaches other people a thing or two

and gives out advice, not the other way around.

To the customs officer?

No, the pharmacist or advisors.

Who is the advisor?

The pharmacist.

He's advising you on things

which you have more experience in.

Yes, but if I get turned away...

Yes.

You can leave the medication at the border.

And how would I sleep?

With hashish.

There are effective products in Morocco.

In my opinion,

it's a relative risk.

Don't bother dwelling too much on it.

Just put the medication in a pill box

and spread the pills out in your suitcase.

I'm going to lose some if I spread them out.

You can note down on paper

where you've put them.

Where I've put them, yes.

-You could put... -A Post-it note?

Yes, a Post-it note.

You could put a Post-it note in your billfold

and write: there are 16 pills

in my pantyliners,

16 more in... I don't know where.

In the diapers.

Yes, 16 more in a shirt and 16 in some pants.

I don't think that's a good idea,

because if they find them

they will think that I'm doing drugs.

You could also perhaps not sleep for a day or two

so you can benefit from having sleep during your stay.

You could see a doctor over there

or a marabout who will help you if you're ever alone.

I can't put the pillbox in my socks.

They will suspect something.

How are you doing?

Let's just say, I'm starting to...

to give it a go.

It's a lot: starting to give it a go,

plus thinking about going to Germany.

But I still haven't...

What do you call it?

I still haven't taken the plunge.

I'm just thinking about it

because I think I look bad naked.

When I'm naked at home,

I get dressed again right away.

And...

Recently,

I've had the apartment to do.

Let's just say, I had a goal.

I've not overthought it.

For once, I'm kind of happy with myself

because I've kind of succeeded with the objective

of tidying it up

and furnishing it.

I still need to do the décor.

But on the whole, 90% is done.

Anyhow, that could be a promising sign.

-It is a promising sign. -OK.

It's a promising sign that I'm not totally useless.

No kidding, yes.

Yes.

There is still a lot of work to be done

regarding women.

That's still...

In terms of the apartment, I've made progress,

but when it comes to women,

zilch, nada.

I don't have...What do you call it?

I don't have any chats with them or any topics to discuss.

I don't feel interesting.

I have that real issue.

There is always that risk

that they don't find us interesting.

You see?

I'm thinking that if I meet up with her...

Yes.

...and if things go further...

In short, it's always bugging me.

It shouldn't. It goes right back to when I was 15...

It's the psychological thought process

of a 15-year-old kid.

I'm 38 and it's funny thinking like this.

Just know that lots of people have worries like this.

At any age.

If you try your luck with dignity you'll have nothing to regret.

-Yes. -Right?

It comes back to the same thing.

Act like a prince.

In my opinion, if someone puts all of the odds in their favor

and they remain dignified and noble,

they will never regret anything, even if they are rejected.

You might even turn them down

as that is part of a relationship and having communication.

We've discussed that.

It's not all or nothing.

Your damn lousy sayings!

Exactly.

I'll have to see you out shortly.

Would you like to address

anything else before I talk to you about this letter?

No.

"Please allow me to refer to Sébastien Lantet,

-"a 36-year-old uncured patient." -38.

-Thirty-eight? -Yes.

-Seriously? -Yes.

I won't start over. You can correct him when you see him.

I can't tell you why I put 36.

"...who I've been supporting for 20 years."

Oh, yes.

What a failure!

Twenty years of spending tons of euros.

That's true, it's not funny.

No, don't be silly, it was francs before that!

Euros and francs then!

Yes.

Soon it'll be Hanukkah, that's good.

Not all is lost.

Not all is lost, no.

-It will be for the Lubavitch jews. -Yes.

"...who I've supported for 20 years

"for crippling anxiety and phobic disorders

"at certain moments in life

"with a social phobia and a feeling of incompleteness and incompetence

"which..."

That's so beautifully put.

How long did you study for to write that?

It's intuitive.

Yes.

You didn't do any studying then!

"...which haven't prevented him from getting involved socially

"and for carrying out the job of a mailman with success.

"He can be a bit slow at times with his job

"but he is extremely meticulous."

You deserve your 61 euros!

"Sébastien has been able to get involved in defending

"different humanitarian causes

"and he has just bought an apartment."

He will think:

what's the link between the different humanitarian causes?

Doesn't matter.

"He is still single

"and a 'virgin'."

-You weren't meant to put that. -Shit. Oh really?

I can re-do the letter.

We'll rediscuss that.

"...and regrettably a 'virgin',

"and Sébastien has limitations when it comes

"to his emotional and social relationships,

"or in any case, he feels the most perplexed about and has

"the greatest qualms in those areas.

"After careful consideration, he and I have decided

"that we could enlist a third party

"and a behaviorist's approach, for example

"to focus ourselves

"on the objective of getting rid of these social phobias

"which is why I am writing to you today."

So he could help me to...

To assess if he could apply a behaviorist's method in relation

to your phobia.

So I'd practice that

as if I was in front of a woman, is that right?

Exactly.

If you agree to the above

and he believes

that you're not too fragile...

I'm pretty sure he might have

to check, that if you got rid of this phobia

that nothing more serious could crop up.

He must make sure of that. I doubt anything would occur.

Currently, I'm living with...

a transvestite.

They live on the same floor as you?

Yes. He's from Eastern Europe.

Greece.

No, Budapest.

Hungary.

Yes, Hungary. Budapest. Yes, he said Budapest to me.

You say he's a transvestite?

Yes. I've known him for four months, Doctor.

I've known him for four months.

We met at the...

I don't know, he said to me: "I'm staying with you."

What?

"I'm staying with you."

Oh he's staying with you?

Yes, he's sleeping at mine and everything.

-He's living at yours? -Yes.

I didn't get that. OK.

I'm housing him at mine. I've spoken to my mentor.

OK. So you can house people in your home?

-You're allowed to? -When declared to the welfare office

and your mentor.

Then, he gave me his identity card.

He's called Christine.

-That's the... -His name.

-The person's name. -Yes.

So it's a man who lives like a woman.

Yes, he's had everything done.

All of the transformations.

No, he's had done... He said...

He did have an operation like that done.

A boob job. Do you understand, Doctor?

Everything.

Yes, he has long blond hair like women too.

-Yes, he's like a woman. -OK.

Are you in a relationship with him?

No, he just said to me: "I'm staying with you."

And if someone wants to stay, you agree to it?

-Yes. -OK.

So you have a big heart then?

Yes, exactly.

Do you have a good friendship? Do you get on well?

Yes, we get on well.

-OK. -It's been four months.

It's great you are so generous.

Yes. Next time I'll bring him and will introduce you to him.

-No don't worry. -I shouldn't?

You don't need to. I don't think it's worth it.

Oh really?

You are kind to extend the family, though.

Yes.

However, it's not necessary. You can keep things separate.

-Yes. -OK.

I need some meds, Doctor.

Which ones?

It's been...

-In an ideal world. -And otherwise?

Otherwise...

We need someone to finish off

the week.

Yes.

Yes. Normally,

it's at 14:15.

We'll scrap the 15:00 appointment perhaps?

Yes.

There we are.

Great.

Has he disappeared?

-I've come all by myself today. -Really?

Yes.

Will that pose a problem?

Yes, it's a change from the usual but I must adapt.

That always poses a problem

when you are used to a certain set-up

but that's an issue we can get past.

I don't feel like I can say everything when he is here.

OK.

If we were to ask him, he'd always say that I'm doing well.

Your husband?

Your first question is always: "How is she doing?"

And he will always respond: "She's doing well."

He is often reticent, isn't he?

He is reticent, cautious and hesitant.

No, I've spoken to him about it and I should also take...

It's my therapy session.

If you asked me the question of how I'm doing

I'd say: "I'm not doing great."

I'm the complete opposite to what he says.

So at night, at three in the morning, I'm still tossing and turning.

Then I sleep in the morning and in the afternoon.

I can no longer manage to regulate myself

at night and in the day.

It's always the same. As soon as I wake up

the world of work begins

and I'm battling my own mind.

I talk to people

who either do or don't exist.

It's true that it's mainly my head of department that's the issue.

I replay things over in my mind though I have nothing to worry about.

Later on in hindsight, I think:

"You're at home."

However, I'm at home too much, I no longer go out.

How can I explain it to you?

We were at the store.

I had to get out of the house because...

I honestly felt like I was going crazy.

I sometimes feel there are people in front and behind me,

beside me, to the right and left, who are there spying on me.

So, I no longer go out.

Do you have any plans, besides being afraid?

Would you like anything to come to fruition?

Because, in my opinion, we have

great chances of officially protecting you.

Anyway, that's not all.

That's what I think when I have all of these thoughts

and all of this anxiety.

I picture you in front of me

and I think: "He's saying he's protecting me."

So you are the person who will protect me.

Along with your medical advisor.

Yes, but I'm afraid of her.

But she's our ally, if you will.

She's the one who makes the final decisions.

I believe she will make a decision that will be beneficial to you.

However, aside from all of that,

I no longer know who I truly am.

If I look at myself in the mirror,

I think: "Where is that woman who

"used to get up at 6:30,

"who was often made up and happy. She was..."

That horror that I see in the mirror in the morning isn't me.

So, I avoid mirrors and going out.

I no longer know who I am.

What if part of your suffering was linked to the uncertainty

of your status?

And once you've acquired something definite...

What status?

Your social status.

It breeds insecurity.

We don't know what will happen.

Yes, exactly.

What if part of your insecurity was linked to that?

You can be hopeful too.

Once you've obtained a positive status,

you can hope to improve upon it,

knowing that with what you're describing,

there is always a risk of suicide.

Yes.

Especially among people shut away in a state of depression...

Yes.

Faced with solitude, that's the risk.

When I say I want to escape and to be invisible,

it means I no longer feel useful.

Plus it'd be so easy

to leave this planet.

It'd be difficult

for those left behind.

However, there is that responsibility...

It'd perhaps be easier for those who are left behind.

I'm a burden.

No, you are capable,

even as depressed as you are,

to admit it'd be harder for them.

It's always harder for those who are left behind.

But perhaps I'm making him suffer now too.

Definitely. You are a burden for yourself,

so inevitably that could be the case

for other people too.

But isn't that part of the fate of our existence?

A depressed person can be a burden, I agree.

Exactly.

Yes, it's not a fortunate thing.

At the same time, it's a challenge.

When you fight alongside a depressed person,

you become less of a jerk.

It's a challenge but it can be a fortunate thing

if you look beyond the sadness. All testing times are opportunities.

I can't look to the future.

OK.

I just can't.

Can you look to the end of next month?

And we'll see each other in late November?

We will, if I'm still here.

OK.

Try to help me stay on track with this.

-We'll see. -OK.

You're going to finish up by telling me off.

If you had to...

Marie-Thérèse, if you did have to leave this world

do you think I'd be better suited to being an assistant practitioner?

I have faith in the outcome of our battles,

both administratively-speaking and psychologically.

I think you will be able to start to feel better. Then,

there is another issue.

When you start not feeling as bad,

some people cannot stand

feeling not as bad anymore.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Some people cannot stand to feel better.

-Oh really? -Yes.

Yes.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Is this...?

I'll be right there.

Yes.

Wait.

I spoke to a lawyer.

She said she doesn't think that it can be done.

That means,

your identity isn't clear.

Yes.

If you go to Algeria, you might never be able to return.

She told me it was really problematic

and that you weren't showing up at your meetings.

Yes, Christine was sick.

She doesn't think it's possible. I wrote to her too.

Oh, yeah?

What can we do? Is there no solution?

Do you want me to go on your behalf?

No.

I don't know how to broach it.

I'm not a politician.

Yes, I know.

You must discuss it with her

but in any case, I've asked her about it.

And it's not possible.

For now, no.

She thinks if you go to Algeria, you will stay there.

-That I'd stay there? -Yes.

-Never. -Perhaps that'd be better.

Come on!

No, that was a joke.

She's considering

what steps you can take in this situation.

-Yes. Thanks. -Talk to her.

-Bye. -Bye.

I still feel the same. I'm still just as lazy.

I think my problem with laziness has

even got worse.

So, could we not try another treatment?

That's risk-free, eh?

There are risks.

Yes, but as we saw with the Seroplex, when we switched it,

there were no effects.

Gilbert, that's illogical.

-It's illogical? -Yes.

Just because there were no effects,

you shouldn't start taking it again.

We observed that we didn't get the outcome we hoped for.

Yes, exactly.

Even though there were no secondary effects

it doesn't definitely work on every count.

Yes.

Gilbert, all of this energy you are prepared to spend

on changing your treatment

should be devoted to something else.

Yes.

You are pretty stubborn.

Yes.

Yes. Well,

what are we going to do?

Your idea is to put me in a clinic.

You know me.

Yes, but I don't want

to go into a clinic.

My idea, Gilbert,

would be...

for us to ask the opinion of Letoit or Beate.

For you to go and see them once,

as an outpatient, based off your own decision

because I need assistance

to be able to help you effectively.

It wouldn't necessarily be for you, it'd be for me.

What do you think?

What do you think about that?

What do you think, Gilbert?

I think...

We could try something else.

You don't want us to try and get support

from the guys at Brumath?

You'd be an outpatient, not admitted to hospital.

How does that work as an outpatient?

You will see at a consultation with one of my colleagues.

Shall we do that?

No, I'm not interested.

Even if they can guide us on your treatment?

But what will that...?

Gilbert, despite all my best wishes in the world, you will have noticed

that I can't seem to find the right treatment for you.

We can go back to Anafranil then.

Gilbert, are you so discouraged

that you're prepared to try whatever?

You shouldn't just do whatever.

So let's carry on as we are then.

We saw each other a few days ago, didn't we?

It was a while ago.

Have you taken everything?

-Yes. -You have?

Yes.

It was a while ago.

It was a fortnight ago.

Yes.

Ah OK, it's May now.

-Yes. -OK.

How are you sleeping at the moment?

How are you sleeping?

Even yesterday, I didn't...

I didn't manage to get much sleep.

I slept until four in the morning then was awake until nine.

What did you do during that whole time?

What happened?

I was thinking loads.

You still live with that affliction.

That's how it is.

What do you mean, affliction?

When you say affliction, what are you thinking about?

I don't know, lots of things.

I don't have a family.

My father and mother are dead.

I still have all of that

inside of my head.

It makes me...

Your affliction is...

-life's tragedies. -Yes.

I'm always thinking about it.

I don't get why

I'm so anxious in the mornings when I wake up,

because when I go to Morocco

or I go traveling, I don't have that anxiety.

I don't know if Didier passes that onto me

as he is really anxious.

Yes.

He's really anxious but so loyal and also really generous.

In my opinion, he has alpha qualities.

He is definitely anxious

but like most of the men you've been with, he's loyal.

-Are you not aware of that? -But the problem is...

That he shouts in the morning.

He has to shout.

He's at the other end of the apartment

and he shouts to me about stupid things, like the mop

or we've run out of coffee or I don't know what.

Is that not reassuring?

Maybe he wants to show he's alive

or he wants to wake you up.

What bothers you so much about it?

But it's his tone of voice.

I can't stand it when he shouts.

Claudine, what is making you focus on him?

You aren't going to change this guy.

No.

Can't you appreciate him as he is?

It seems like you have been blessed

in the relationship field,

but you fail to see that and you feel hard done by.

I am hard done by, financially.

Yes.

I went to Paris.

I went to Paris.

So, I managed to go,

However, in Paris, I still experienced my neurosis.

It was the same in Strasbourg.

Your neurosis is a sign of your normality.

Yes, stop philosophizing and cure me.

It's true.

That was good.

I don't know if what you suffer from is about being cured.

So what then?

It's not an illness.

But I am mentally ill.

I hadn't realized that before.

Oh, really?

Wouldn't I be a blind and deaf imposter then?

You don't have an illness,

it's a matter of how

you view life.

It's not a life and death situation

but it is still extreme

as I am 38 years old,

I've never made love and I don't have a girlfriend.

Why don't you have enough confidence in yourself

to strike up a conversation with a woman

and build a relationship?

I can't see any obstacles.

I'm sure you will get there at some point or another.

Would you like to add anything?

No everything is as good as it can be in this situation.

How are you getting on with the behavioral therapy?

We were also wondering about trying that approach.

Yes, I should call up.

If you want to, you don't have to.

-Have you lost the sheet of paper? -I'll have to have a look.

I know I had an envelope

but that was for someone else, right?

Yes, it was for Villeret.

What for?

For a few therapy sessions

on your phobic symptoms.

-Regarding being with a woman? -Yes.

That's the phobia that bothers you the most.

I don't know if it's adapted to you

but you have nothing to lose. Also with what I confided in you...

and in relation to the time we've spent together,

this will test us.

When you said: "Cure me," you're right.

You're right to say that.

Will we wait for winter to pass or will I go there right away?

You'll go right away.

So, if I call him, he'll take me on...

Quite quickly. Can you call him on my behalf?

You can call him now.

See you soon, Sébastien.

It's too small.

I've lived in a room like that for seven years

or even longer than that.

It's as small as this and I've been in it for seven years.

It's...

Now two of us live in it.

It's not easy.

Is there still two of you?

-Yes, still two of us. -You and Christine.

-Right? -Yes, in one room.

Will it stay as just the two of you?

For a long time?

For two rooms we'd have to...

You'd have to look.

Has she got things set up for her right now in France?

No, she's staying at mine.

-At the same time... -Yes.

You've been there a while.

You know what you've got is better than nothing.

-Yes. -What you've got is

better than calling 115.

It's better than being housed in social emergency housing, right?

Yes.

Lots of people call up

every day for housing

and you've got a place.

You allowed Christine to stay to help her

so I bet it's harder now.

However, you might not get a two-bed apartment on your own.

Yes.

So, do you want to live with her or...?

Yes, I want to live with her.

Why don't you get a contract of civil union with her?

I'm going to.

-We're going to. -Really?

We will do that.

With a contract of civil union you can hope...

He said: "You'll get an apartment right away."

-Here you go. -Right away.

Not right away but you'll have a greater chance.

Yes, he is giving you the...

What's it called?

He will give you a furnished apartment.

It'll be all dark.

I don't know about that.

It will be.

I hope it's not for your sake but I'm not sure on that.

Good luck then, Karim.

Don't rush into things.

Don't rush into things.

Don't do too many things at once.

OK.

Hello?

Yes, Thierry. How are you?

As good as I can be.

Thierry, I'd like to talk to you for a moment about Gilbert.

He's a patient I've been seeing for a decade or 15 years

who was admitted to hospital at Brumath three years ago

following a sudden hallucinatory episode

and who has had dysthymia for a long while.

With his GP,

we've not really managed to...

No, not to stabilize him,

but to get him back into a mood

that'd be satisfactory. We've tried for a year, a year and a half now.

He is really reluctant to be admitted to hospital

which could have been justified.

I've tried to get him to go to Toussaint,

but he is reluctant.

If was wondering

if sometime soon

you could take a look at helping to progress his situation,

in the clinic

and perhaps put forward a proposal for therapy.

Yes, I imagine so.

Yes, that was it.

As being admitted to hospital would be fitting

but it'd be counter-productive.

However, it's also symbolic

from a therapy point of view

so Gilbert can open up his mind to having additional support.

Should I see Gilbert about it?

No hard feelings.

It's perhaps the key towards him getting better.

Are you not in a rush?

No, I don't care. I have time.

I've had enough of Didier.

Yesterday evening, he threatened me by text

saying that he had made a plan with you

and that you should prescribe me more medication.

Then...

Well his desires are orders!

I'm joking.

You don't know what he put me through.

Because I'd like a little kitten

and we went to Illkirch to go and see one

and now he's telling me: "You don't need a cat,

"you just need to get pregnant by Federmann."

That's what I expected!

You are joking.

No, I'm not joking.

Are you taking this into your own hands?

He told me I take up all my time seeing you on Sundays

because I'm too lonely.

Does he take me for the Salvation Army?

I'd be honored by that

but are you validating what he's saying?

No, but I swear to you, I'm not out of my mind.

I do sometimes wonder that.

-No, I swear to you. -OK.

Plus yesterday, I had a dizzy spell.

I couldn't go to the bakery.

Someone who was there had

to explain to me how things work there.

Tomorrow, there's a concert and I can't go.

I've missed a meeting.

Why won't you be able to go?

Because I didn't go yesterday.

Why's that?

What is stopping you getting back in touch with them?

But I don't know what to say to them.

Claudine, are you under the weather or are you being serious?

No, I'm being serious.

I don't see why the French Jewish Union wouldn't

welcome you in when you can go.

Because I had offered to do volunteering

and I had a meeting yesterday.

And you weren't able to go?

-No. -That doesn't matter. So what?

You're not part of the Jewish Union

to provide services or to work for them.

You attend for spiritual and relationship matters.

They don't expect you to provide services,

nor for you to...

Yes, but they suggested I become a volunteer.

It seems it's harder than that.

It's not easy for you to be one,

if I've understood rightly, that's not a reason to run away.

But I need to be busy and to see people.

But Claudine, I don't doubt that at all

and that's what you're trying to do,

but it's hard for you to do that regularly.

I don't know if you're capable of being a volunteer right now.

You are too fragile. You can tell.

You are not able to be regularly in attendance

but you can attend on and off.

Plus the Jewish Union will always accept you as you are.

Yes, but now it's all gone down the pan.

Worum?

Now I'm speaking Yiddish. Why?

Why has it gone down the pan?

Because I didn't go yesterday.

What have the 25 years of psychotherapy

we've done together all been for?

You're acting even sillier than before!

Didier tells me

that you add nothing valuable to my life.

Plus that he's going to see his shrink more

because he has phobias.

I don't know,

I get the impression his phobias are backfiring against me.

I think that's just your impression and Didier is on your side.

-Yes, but... -He's a reliable guy

with his own weaknesses.

I'm not there to spoon-feed you,

but rather to support you.

Didier was mainly worried

about your meds.

He did indeed write to me to tell me

that you wanted to manage taking your medication yourself

and that greatly worried him.

-When was that? -Yesterday or the day before that.

He told me that it was silly and that he wasn't writing to you.

Claudine, don't be a pain now.

Didier is our ally and he has always helped us.

His interventions,

which I inform you of, are always enlightening for us.

It helps me to better understand and protect you.

I'm scared that you'll commit suicide.

That's always my fear.

My family is resilient.

My mom is 91 years old.

My dad drank like a fish.

You don't have to take excessive risks.

You are resilient. You've proven that.

It's not worth putting yourself in more danger.

I've not heard from you.

I wasn't...

Yes, I understand. Normally.

That's why.

-Sir. -Yes.

Do you have this at home?

Can you let me have this?

Yes.

I can keep it?

Yes, that's a photocopy.

-Thanks a lot. -Yes.

How are you doing?

I've not managed to sleep for three days.

I don't know why.

-Oh really? -Yes.

I'm ruminating a lot.

I don't know.

What's going on with you?

I don't know. I slept from ten until four in the morning

and then I couldn't get back to sleep.

-I don't know why. -Are you worried?

-Yes, I have worries. -About your family?

Yes, about my family.

Can you share them with me?

I'm on my own at the moment, I don't have any family left.

All of my family has gone.

I don't know what else to do.

It's tough for me.

I don't know if I'll live here anymore.

I don't have any siblings. I've got nothing.

-Even in Mauritania? -Yes.

I don't know how I'm going to live like this.

It's difficult for me.

Do you have some friends or people

who have helped you in the past

and who can still help you out or are you totally alone?

No, at the moment,

I have a Mauritanian friend

who housed me to give me an address but besides that,

I've managed to feed myself.

I went to Casas, to see if they could give me something.

Every week, every fortnight,

they give me a small amount of food.

So every month, twice a month.

Every fortnight I go there to get coffee and milk.

-Otherwise? -Otherwise I don't eat.

I'm looking for a job,

but I've not found one yet.

However, with my mental illness, even if I found a job,

I wouldn't be able to get it.

I overthink.

-You overthink? -Yes.

What are you thinking about when...?

-Is this difficult? -Yes, it's tough.

What are you thinking about when you're overthinking?

I don't have a family, I have nothing.

-Is that what is so tough for you? -Yes.

In any case, stay strong.

Stay strong.

Thanks.

Stay strong and remain hopeful.

We've already made a bit of progress.

-Haven't we? -Yes.

-We've already made some progress. -Yes.

You know it's risky business.

You're the one who must decide.

If you want to tackle this, do so with a lawyer.

-You're taking risks. -Yes.

If you change your name, they might not give you more papers.

-Really? -At all.

That's why you must think about it.

It's something really important.

If you no longer had a visa, what would you do?

No, I'm going to do it.

So,

if you're prepared to take the risk then tell your lawyer

but it's not a given that you'd win.

-It's not certain? -No.

It's complicated. That's why

I feel stressed and anxious.

Yes, it's not an easy thing.

That's why I'm imagining...

I want to sleep in the mornings and I want to leave this world.

Karim.

-I want to die. -You will die one day,

like everyone else.

I've got issues, such as cancer.

I have illnesses, cancer. I have an issue with my cavum,

I have thyroid problems.

If you looked in my mind

I've got schizophrenia and lots of mental illnesses.

Yes, but lots of strength too.

You're really fortunate, you're still standing.

-But... -You're still standing.

We simply don't have a magic wand

to be able to get you across the borders

and to change your name.

If you try, you are taking risks.

I'm not sure you'll win.

If you're sure, go ahead do it.

I can't guarantee it'll work out.

I'm a doctor not a lawyer.

I think it's a delicate process.

How do you mean delicate?

It's not a safe bet, it's uncertain.

You told me:

"You're staying stuck for too long."

-Yes. -Without papers.

Yes, without papers

and it's not certain you'll get any after that.

Perhaps you'll remain without any documents?

That's not what I want, I want you to win

-but we're not sure you will. -Yes.

I know you're not envious of me.

I know that. I understand, Doctor.

I don't know.

Frankly, it's complicated.

I know.

But it's down to you to decide, no one else. Right?

-Go on then. -OK, Doctor.

Think about it but don't ruminate.

As for dying, you will die.

Why are you saying that?

You will die, but in the meantime, you can live.

In the meantime, you will live.

I'd love to be with my family in North Africa.

It's cold here.

If you need them, go, and I hope that you can return.

Eh?

-If you need them. -Yes.

Go and see them and I hope you can return afterwards.

I'd love to come back. Why wouldn't I?

Yes, but you'd be coming back illegally.

In that case, chance it.

-Yes. OK. -Off you go.

-Until next time. -Yes, after Christmas.

-After Christmas yes. -Best of luck.

-Good luck. -Goodbye.

Could I perhaps sit in your seat?

Because this isn't my good side.

-Yes, would you like to? -Yes.

We can.

I'm feeling a little bit silly here.

I'm lower down than you.

I'm higher up.

-This is funny. -Yes.

What kind of crappy doctor's plan was this

putting the patients' seats lower down?

I have no idea. You're the one who adjusted them like that.

So what?

-It's worth it... -I'm towering over you.

You're like a little tower there. Don't hit me too hard, thanks.

How are you getting on?

I'm doing well.

Could you prescribe me

some sedative drops for children?

Have you had some children?

I've got the cat who is scratching me everywhere and is on edge.

I gave him a quarter,

a little drop of Lexomil and he's not calming down.

Is it the cat you'd like to calm down?

Yes. He is annoying.

I don't know what's up.

Do you think

that sedative drops for children are suited to animals?

I don't know as they have nothing at the pharmacy.

So...

You could get some Valium drops.

-Use some Valium drops. -Yes, the drops are...

-You can try those. -Yes.

A few drops, yes.

Yes.

Because he won't let me sleep.

I said to Didier that if this carries on

I'll take him to the refuge.

Because I stroke him

and he purrs, scratches and bites me.

You're talking about your cat how you talk about Didier

at certain moments.

You put forward your need to get a cat.

That was almost essential to you at one point.

And now, you're changing

your tune.

All of a sudden, he's no longer charming in your eyes.

-The cat? -The cat and Didier. Both of them.

However Didier filed for divorce

and he's going ahead with it

so I will have to find a replacement.

-A replacement? -To help me mentally.

Didier is calling the shots from a distance.

Even though he's divorcing you, he's staying close to you.

Yes.

He's still supporting you emotionally?

Yes, but I never see him.

He is always at the...

He practically never comes to mine.

But you consider him a support?

Has he distanced himself in your eyes?

He has distanced himself.

But isn't totally out of your life?

No.

-Do you want me to answer that? -No, thanks.

Are you there?

My dear Claudine, shall we see each other at the start of next week?

Should I be worried about you?

-Well no, why? -OK. Are you alright?

-Yes. -You're doing pretty good.

-Yes, fine. -OK.

Yes, you've been promoted to my seat.

Can I sit back in my seat to do the prescriptions?

Thanks for inviting me to go on that little journey.

I didn't think you were so low down.

Yes.

I was looking down on you.

I went to see him Tuesday, you know Doctor Royan.

We're stopping Abilify

and he's prescribing me something new

instead of Abilify.

It's a stimulant.

However, the doctor

he thinks that...

there won't be any miracles in terms of medication.

He wants to try again with these meds, then after that

we won't try anything else.

OK.

He thinks it should come from elsewhere.

Yes.

The fact that I'm alone at home...

It's maybe linked to your setting.

That's perhaps something that should change.

Yes.

I should go back to Strasbourg

and live in an apartment.

I must change my environment.

Are you kind of indifferent?

Kind of indifferent to everything.

Do you want to leave this world?

I'd like to.

Really? Does it all get too heavy sometimes?

Yes.

How do you mean

-leave this world? -Die.

No.

That's not what you understood. You mean change your lifestyle?

-Change my lifestyle, yes. -OK.

Yes.

Are you in there?

You're in your seat.

Diane, you say you're doing better?

Yes. It's done me some good.

I regret that I've let therapy fall by the wayside for two

and a half years.

The sun has done me good.

Châtel-Guyon has done my digestive system

the world of good.

But now everything is weighing heavy on my heart again.

I'm strong now

but I know I'll crack again and that makes me anxious

because I know myself.

I'm going to...

For now, I'm positive

but I know I'll get burnt out because I'm doing too much.

I'm doing too much again.

Can't you strike a balance?

It's tough.

You are stronger now.

But how long will I have that strength for?

Not long.

You just need to cultivate it.

Perhaps that strength will remain if you use it.

I will try to.

Otherwise, if you don't use it and you give in...

-Yes. -...you will feel like you failed.

-Always. -You'll misjudge yourself.

But if you make good decisions...

Yes.

...you will be stronger

as you will be more confident perhaps?

I have decisions I'm mulling over but I must make those choices too.

OK.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Do that, otherwise you'll lose yourself.

I mean, it's necessary.

Yes, I agree.

Sorry, I'm talking quite fast

because I want to tell you so many things.

I was in Auvergne.

I have a friend,

Françoise, who lives in Auvergne.

Shocked by my mental state

she insisted

that I go live with her in Auvergne

and that I look for an apartment.

However, I'm unsure. I feel as though I must

first of all finish up my work here before I leave.

I think you should go.

You can completely start over

and you can go and see people you like when you decide.

When I decide, exactly.

Then you can see them.

-Exactly. -Plus,

sorting out all of your problems here will never happen.

-Yes. -Yes.

Your problems are an ongoing thing.

You'll be a lot better off

and I think a lot happier by being free.

There is no reason to not give that freedom a shot.

For sure.

If you feel strong and you have a plan

and you feel as though you're not running away to Auvergne

and it could help build

your life then you will feel stronger over there

and you will be better off having those you love there too.

Certainly.

Our time is up now.

Would you like to add anything?

No. Look,

besides my problems which you already know about.

I've forgotten them, we've not seen each other in so long.

No, for now it's all good. I'll put things in perspective.

Because I'm doing the gardening I'm moving all of the time

but I feel I'm getting burnt out. I can sense it.

I think you look rejuvenated!

That's kind of you.

Bye, Doctor Federmann.

Should I make some coffee for the others?

If you like, why not? Shall I leave you to it?

Yes, that's good with me.

Hello.

Subtitling: TransPerfect Media