Original subtitles

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that

started from this topic for this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailing man, was hip, brave and sure.

Five passengers set sail that day for a three -hour tour, a three -hour tour.

The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed.

If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the minnow would be lost. The

minnow would be lost.

The ship sunk round on the shore of this uncharted desert isle. With Gilligan,

the skipper too.

The millionaire and his wife.

The movie star.

The professor and Marianne. Here on Gilligan's side.

Thank you.

Gilligan, look!

What's the matter?

I can't fall asleep with all that snoring going on.

I don't hear anything.

Gilligan, I want you to go back to sleep.

And I want you to sleep without snoring.

That is an order.

Aye, aye, sir.

Wake up, Gilligan! Wake up!

He just told me to go to sleep.

Gilligan, you were having another one of your nightmares. Oh, yeah, and it was

awful. The island broke off and started to float away. And then it started to

melt. And now... Yeah, I'm scared, Skipper.

Gilligan, your screen scared us half to death. And you ruined my dream.

Paul Newman was chasing me.

You could have waited till he caught me.

Well, Gilligan was having another one of his nightmares.

You see, he dreamed that the island was going down into the sea. Let me tell

them, huh?

Well, but I'm the skipper.

But it's my nightmare.

Tell us what happened. It was awful, you see. The island broke off. And then it

was just coming down.

Such blood -curdling screams.

It made poor little Teddy's fur stand on end.

Gilligan was having another one of his nightmares.

Oh, how inconsiderate. Must he have nightmares at night when everyone's

From now on, Gilligan, have a day, ma 'am.

Have another nightmare, Gilligan?

No, thanks. I just had one. And it was awful. You see what happened? The island

broke loose and started floating away with all of us on it. And all the dirt

changed the mud and we started sliding. And the sharks came.

And all the people started falling off one by one.

Women and children first, I trust.

Now, please, please. It was just a dream.

We've been on this island for 15 years and we're perfectly safe.

I can assure you that Gilligan's dream has no significance whatsoever.

That's not how it's going to be. Come on!

This could be a doctored version of this information.

I don't know Russian.

This is an Arabic word for a taco.

Destroy yourself.

Gilligan, this metal disc you found is marvelous.

Made of some strange alloy I've never seen before.

But it's turned this instrument into a real honest -to -goodness barometer.

Oh, no, you're not sticking anything in my mouth or anyplace else.

Barometer, Gilligan, not thermometer.

Anyway, we can finally predict the weather again, and thanks to this disc

remarkable accuracy.

That's good news. I'm going to tell the others. Hold on, Gilligan.

According to this instrument, there's a raging storm approaching the island.

That's bad.

But it won't get here for a couple of days.

That's good.

The gyrations of this needle indicate that the storm will cause a gigantic

wave that will completely wash over the island.

That's bad.

However, that wave will be so strong that it could force a boat into the

shipping lane so we can finally be rescued.

That's good.

Only we don't have a boat.

That's bad.

Or is that good? I lost track.

I'm afraid it's bad, Gilligan.

However, there's one good part.

None of the others know about this.

There's one bad part. What's that?

I do.

Gilligan. I am relying on you to keep this between us while I try to determine

solution. There's no reason for the others to be upset.

Now, mum's the word.

But, Professor, I... No buts, Gilligan.

Mum's the word.

Now, what's the word?

Mum.

Mum.

Hi there, Gilligan.

Give me a hand with this trap, will you? Mum.

Mum what? Mum's the word.

About what?

If I told you, it wouldn't be mum.

Who told you to keep it mum? The professor.

The professor?

The professor told you to keep something mum and must be serious.

Is it serious?

Mum. Very serious? Mum, mum.

Very, very serious? Mum, mum, mum.

Are our lives at stake? Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum.

Gosh, I gotta find out about this.

Remember, I didn't tell you anything. I kept it mum.

Gilligan! Gilligan, what is going on?

The captain rushed past us and he seemed terribly, terribly upset. We tried to

talk to him, but he ignored us.

Imagine ignoring the passengers. And he's only the crew.

Well, if you know something, tell us. Say something.

Mum.

I'm not your mum, Gilligan.

Well, I'm not your dad either. But speak up, my boy.

I can't. The professor made me promise to keep it mum.

Now, you don't want me to break the promise to the professor, do you? To put

in words of one syllable, yas.

Well, I always say, if a secret's not worth sharing, it's not worth keeping.

I don't quite know what that means, but I always say it.

I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Howell. My lips are sealed.

Sealed lips are a child's game. Now, this cash, cash, that's a man's game.

tell us one thing, Gilligan. Is it good news or bad news?

Both. Well, tell us the good news. Bad news is for peasants.

Well, it's kind of mixed up good news and bad news. We might be rescued, but

there's a... Rescued?

Rescued? Did you hear that, Lovie? Oh, rescue.

Oh, dear.

What is one way to a rescue?

Perhaps something pale blue. It was a gray ship. That should go nicely.

Of course, darling, I must wear an evening dress.

Well, to help us get rescued, I'd wear an evening gown myself.

Strapless, you know what I mean? But how can that boy confuse a rescue with bad

news? Rescue and bad news. You know he's always been bad news.

Rescue, bad news.

Gilligan, do you know what's going on?

Mum was the word.

Gilligan, I just saw the Howells, and they were talking about what to wear to

rescue, and something about bad news.

Do you know anything about it?

You do know something about it.

You'd really like to tell Ginger all about it, wouldn't you?

I know you would, because you always like to tell Ginger your secrets.

Now be a good boy.

Tell me all about it.

My lips are sealed.

Sealing your lips is a child's game.

That's what Mr. Howell said, too.

Well... Unsealing them is a woman's game.

I like your game a lot better than Mr. Howell's.

Now, Gilligan, what is it that you were going to tell me?

Mum's the word.

What does that mean?

Mum means mum.

Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum.

Hi. What's going on?

I overheard Mr. and Mrs. Howell talking about a rescue and bad news, and

Gilligan knows something, and he won't tell me.

Rescue? Bad news?

Oh, Gilligan, you've got to tell us what you know.

I can't. I promise not to say anything, and for once in my life, I'm not going

to. Oh, you don't have to.

People who make promises should keep them. You don't have to tell us a thing.

Thanks, Marianne.

You'll never get another piece of my coconut cream pie.

Mom? Or my banana cream pie.

Oh, Mom.

Or my pineapple cream pie.

Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.

But Gilligan said that our lives are at stake. Well, I missed the opening of the

New York Stock Exchange.

Will it be afternoon or evening? It does make a difference, you know, in what

one wears.

I'd rather land in L .A. It's closer to Hollywood.

Gilligan said there was bad news, too.

Mom, Gilligan?

Why are our lives at stake? All right, I will tell you what I know.

All right.

As you are aware, the radio and all the rest of my instruments haven't worked

for over ten years.

But two days ago, Gilligan found this strange metal disc, and due to its

incredible conductivity, I was able to pick the barometer.

There's a major storm heading for the island.

Oh, we've weathered a lot of storms, Professor.

Ah, but this storm's magnitude has created a tsunami.

Tsunami? Oh, no, a tsunami.

What's a tsunami?

Gilligan, that's an islander word for a tremendous tidal wave.

A wave that will cover the island and sweep us all into the sea.

That's what I call a real permanent wave.

You mean we'll all die?

The upper class, too?

Actually, this tidal wave may be our way off the island and back to

civilization. I haven't worked out the details, but... I have only one thing to

say, Professor.

Work out the details.

What is your idea, Professor?

To lash all our huts together.

You mean tie them together with the ropes we made of hemp? Exactly. That way

can ride out the storm no matter how severe it is.

I got the idea from the South American Indians who invented the outrigger

The heavy surf would always upset their canoes, but they found that by lashing

three canoes together, they'd stay afloat.

That's a great idea, Professor.

It's just a question of having enough bottom.

If that's the question, Skipper, you sure got the answer.

You mean, Professor, that you can make a seaworthy craft by lashing our huts

together? Right. Well, congratulations.

You invented a huts boat.

A huts boat. I just coined a word.

Thurston, coins are beneath you. Oh, it's just an expression, my dear.

How much time have we got, Professor?

Three, maybe four days at the most.

What can we do to help?

Well, we need provisions. We need more hemp for ropes.

But most important, we have to find a way to move the huts together and tie

them.

Thurston, let them take care of the trivia.

We must pack our clothes. And our money.

Well.

What seems to be the problem, Professor?

Well, it's not fitting for some reason.

Skipper, give me a boost. I can get it. All right, little buddy. Put your right

foot right in my hand.

I think you got me a little too high, Skipper.

Gilligan, come down from there this minute.

Look out below!

It's all set, folks.

I just have to synchronize the winch to the axle, and we're ready to raise the

huts. Mr. Howell, do you really think you can put the three huts together?

Well, I don't know. It's not my kind of merger.

Oh, I do hope there'll be first -class accommodations.

On the upper deck, of course.

It's too bad Charlton Heston isn't here.

We could use a good old -fashioned miracle.

Well, gentlemen, I think we're ready.

Skipper, you're the strongest.

Good luck.

Good luck, Skipper.

It's working, Skipper. You're raising it.

Good show, Captain.

Come on, Skipper. We're all counting on you.

That's my big buddy.

That's it, Skipper. It's high enough.

All right, now, folks. We're all going to have to work together.

Everybody. All right, now, folks. Easy does it.

We have to reposition the hut so that we can attach it to the others.

All right?

Right along that wall.

That's it.

Now, here we go.

Bring it to me.

A little more.

A little more.

Just a touch.

That's it.

We can let it down right here.

Let me do it, huh, Professor?

Gilligan, it has to be let down nice and easy.

You can depend on me.

Okay, Gilligan.

I can go tight around the hut real good. All right, good work. You're going to

help me tie it off. Oh, yeah, do it in a shank sheaf. What?

Sheaf, sheaf.

Shank, shank?

Just in time. According to my calculations, that tidal wave will hit

minutes.

Please, Mrs. Howell, we have to bind ourselves to these poles. When that

wave hits, these ropes will save your life. Oh, I'm sorry, Professor, but

they'll wrinkle my clothes.

There must be another way. Mrs. Howell, what is more important, saving your life

or wrinkling your clothes?

Well... Just a moment, I'm thinking.

See, Mr. Howell? Mrs. Howell realizes how important this is. Now, let me help

you. Oh, no, no. A thousand times, no.

In this position, I couldn't possibly reach my wallet.

Oh, still, please, Mr. Howell. For my credit cards.

See, Skipper, I'm tying myself to the pole.

That's fine, little buddy, but we've got to see to the passenger's safety first.

Now, go help the girls.

Aye, aye, sir.

Passengers first.

He's dangerous. Let me help you.

Thank you, Gilligan.

Oh,

God,

Gilligan. This is no time to be modest.

No, I can't. My life is at stake.

Yeah, but Ginger, you... Just think of me as one of the boys.

One of the boys.

Okay. Boy, boy, boy, boy.

Oh, boy.

Now, make a knot.

Here.

Remember, one of the boys.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Gilligan, help me now.

I can't get the ropes any higher. I know. Let me help you.

Hurry up. We don't have much time.

You tied Ginger.

She's just one of the boys.

Oh, well, think of me as your sister.

Sister? That's a good idea. Yeah.

Sister, sister, sister.

Oh, brother.

Nice work, little buddy. Now lash yourself to a pole.

Now I know we're going to come through this just fine.

We're all together in this hut. The provisions are lashed down in the other

I won't kid you.

It's not going to be easy.

But we'll make it.

Thirst and we forgot things.

doubted, my dear.

Oh, Thurston, how can you be so cruel? How can you say such a thing?

Lovely, because we didn't take Phoebe with us. Don't you remember?

We left her at home, on the paper.

We did?

Fifteen years ago.

She'll be getting out there, and I'm going after her. You'll never find her

that storm.

And if you find her, buddy, then nothing's gonna stop you.

Ah, thank heavens the storm is over.

I think I'll take a look around and see if the island has suffered any damage.

Help!

Help!

I'm too rich to drown!

Destin, where are you?

Outside!

Somebody do something!

I'm coming, Mr. Howe!

Mr.

Howe! I should have warned you about that first step.

It's a trifle damp.

All right, here we go.

Give me your hand, Mr. Howe!

Darling, why didn't you swim?

I can't. Remember, Loving?

I had the butler take the swimming lessons for me.

Oh, Professor, you were right.

We're at sea.

We might even be in the shipping lanes.

Maybe we can be rescued.

Maybe by a six -foot -four marine.

You were so right, Professor.

Lashing all the huts together did help us ride out the tidal wave.

And we're out.

Anything happened to Gilligan, it's all my fault.

You mustn't blame yourself, Lovie. But I sent him out to look for Cece. Who else

could I blame? Well, I don't know, but certainly not a howl.

Oh, it's all my fault. I should have gone after my little buddy in the first

place. Oh, you tried, Skipper.

You tried.

I'll never forget how he tied me up and saved my life.

My little buddy.

That brave, brave boy.

Inside that skinny little lad.

It was a heart the size of Fort now.

Oh, never forget Gilligan.

I think we should all take a few moments and remember him in our own way.

I can hear my little buddy calling my name just like he was still here.

Help, Professor!

That's odd. Now I can hear him calling me.

That's nothing odd at all.

It's the dear boy reaching out to us from the great beyond.

Help! Ginger!

Marianne!

Ginger?

Do you believe in ghosts?

No.

But I believe Gilligan's haunting this hut.

Mr. and Mrs. Tallowoff, somebody needs... Somebody?

How informal.

That's Gilligan, and it sounds like it's just beyond that wall.

Somebody, Gilligan!

He's out there, everybody, and he's okay.

Let's go.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

He's hanging on. onto a palm tree attached to us by a rope.

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Let's analyze the hole and pull him in.

Well, stand back, Professor. If my head made this little hole, I know how to

make a great big one.

All right, now.

Let's all pull together.

May I, Andy? Ginger?

Professor?

I'll do even better. I'll buy him Congress.

Well, we're all very proud of you, little buddy, but you haven't told us

happened. Well, Skipper, what happened was I was out there looking for Phoebe.

And this wind started coming really strong.

And then the thunder.

And the lightning.

And then the rain was coming sideways.

And the wind was blowing so hard it was bouncing from palm tree to palm tree.

And then I remembered Mrs. Powell didn't bring Phoebe. So I started back from

the huts and I looked up and I saw this giant wave. It was big.

is a mountain so i looked around and i grabbed this rope see i lashed myself to

a palm tree like this and then i looked up and the way it was there and it came

down it was a big jerk

Hey, Gad, this is no time to play follow the leader.

There's only one thing that can save them now.

A girl.

A girl?

Oh, Ginger, you're not thinking of... No, a girl shark.

Look over there.

But how do we know it's a girl shark?

Is this what they call work?

I'm afraid so, my dear.

Good.

It's about time we learned how the other half lives.

Row, lovey. Oh, I can't row anymore. My hands ache, my arms ache, even my aches

ache. When I get back to the farm, I'm going to have to milk the cows standing

up.

How about it, Professor?

Are we making any progress?

Well, we've been rowing for over two days.

And as near as I can tell, we've, uh...

Completed a circle.

A circle?

You mean we're right back where we started from?

Exactly. I thought those waves looked familiar.

Captain, can you give me one good reason why you haven't hoisted our sail?

Yes, Mr.

Howell, we don't have a sail. Can you give me another good reason?

Mr. Howell, we can't even make a sail. All we've got are the clothes on our

backs. I'll donate my dress to make a sail.

Yes, and I'll donate my shirt.

Skipper, why don't you donate your pants? We can fill them with air and fly

Hawaii.

Very funny.

Thurston, I think it's time we made the supreme sacrifice.

You're right, my dear.

You have permission to use the Howell clothes.

Run up my dinner jacket.

I see you girls are getting into shape.

Yes. When I get back to the farm, there's going to be a lot of work to do.

I have to build up my stamina, too.

Is acting that strenuous?

No, but some producers are.

Darling, what's the first thing you plan to do when we arrive in civilization?

Kiss Wall Street.

I just want to get home.

Home, sweet home.

And I know exactly what I'm going to do the first day. What is that, my dear?

Help the servants.

They haven't been paid in 15 years. Some of them may have left.

Well, in that case, good riddance. One thing I can't stand is disloyalty.

Skipper, bet I know what you're thinking about.

That's what I thought.

You've got about 15 minutes before you relieve Gillian on watch.

Thanks, Professor.

That's just enough time for me to go through my list of girlfriends again.

Boy, after nothing but coconuts and bananas for days and days, everybody's

to be so surprised when they have fresh fish for dinner.

Boy, royal snapper. Everybody's going to be so happy.

I got some good news.

You spotted a rescue boat.

No, that'd be great news. All I got is good news. Hey, we're having broiled

snapper for dinner.

Broiled? Uh -huh.

How are you cooking it?

With a fire.

With a fire?

Where did you build a fire?

On the deck.

On the deck?

Of all the dumb, idiotic, thoughtless things that you've ever done, Well, I

only trying to cook the fish. Yeah, you almost cooked us.

That would have been the end of the rescue.

I

can't

believe it.

After 15 years, we're finally rescued.

Rescued.

Rescued.

Rescued.

Rescued.

Rescue. Rescue.

Gentlemen,

this is Marshall Rogers, KBEX Hawaii, and this is one of the most exciting

moments in the history of the Honolulu Yacht Harbor.

After 15 years on the tiny uncharted island, Somewhere in the Pacific, the

castaways have finally been rescued, and they're on their way back to

civilization.

That must be Gilligan up there on top, viewing the spirit.

of people have gathered here to welcome the passengers and crew of the ill

-fated minnow shipwrecked so long ago.

Here they come into the marina now, rescued in the furry huts in which they

lived on the island.

Welcome to Honolulu.

to get a glimpse of the happy group missing for so many years.

May I present you with the key to the city.

Must have been some big door, huh?

The entire world was thrilled when the Coast Guard radioed word of your rescue

after 15 years.

Telegrams and calls have been pouring in. I'd like to present you with the

important one first.

This telegram is from Jimmy Cotter.

Jimmy who?

Jimmy Cotter. He's the president now.

Huh?

He succeeded Ford.

Ford who?

Gerald Ford.

He came after Watergate.

Watergate who?

Oh, I'm afraid we've been away a long time.

Yes, it seems that everything has changed.

I'm certainly glad that some things haven't changed.

I'm sure Pete's getting lost.

Stupid capitalist parade.

For a stupid

enormous crowd that the country is delighted that you have finally been

Well, we're delighted to be back.

Everyone is fascinated that you were rescued by a tidal wave. Well, actually,

was this disk that saved us.

Our barometer hadn't worked for years.

No, Gilligan found this strange -looking disk in the water at the edge of the

lagoon. We have no idea where it came from.

We've got to call someone for this.

It seems to have properties of an alloy that I'm unable to identify.

And due to the increased conductivity of this disc, I was able to adapt my crude

barometer and predict the tidal waves.

Impossible? Yes.

It's a recording disc from spy satellite.

Must notify chief of secret police immediately.

You stay.

Find out what you can.

And so this disc turned out to be a truly good luck charm. That's why the

of us decided that Gilligan should keep it.

And I'll never take it off, ever.

You're all back here in civilization.

What happened now?

Well, the fact is, later on, we're going to all get together for a great big

Christmas reunion on my new boat.

But for the present, I guess we're all going our own separate ways. Yes, I

we're all going our own separate ways. Of course, we're all going our own

separate ways. Oh, not you and me, Lobby. I'm just a figure of speech.

Yes, Lobby's taking his profile back to all of my fans.

I'm going back to farm.

And to Herbert, my fiancé.

And I to my Bunsen burners and test tube.

I guess we're all just going our separate ways.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you. Nice to be here.

We are ordered to recover disc at any cost.

No risk is too great.

Risk will not be ours. It will be skinny one. The one they call Gilligan.

He is wearing disc around neck.

Why did you tap me on the shoulder? Because I didn't want to fucking bother

I finished polishing the chairs. That's very good, Gilligan. Now, why don't you

go topside and start working? That way you won't bother me anymore.

Aye, aye, sir.

Thanks a lot, Gilligan. Now get topside.

Aye, aye, sir. Aye, aye.

Just think, Gilligan.

When the check comes from the insurance company today... Then we can pay off the

balance in a minute or two with ours.

Ours? Well, can't I have a little teeny -weeny piece?

Okay, you can have a little teeny -weeny piece.

Thank you, partner.

Partner?

Just keep working up there. We've got to be ready for the start of the charter

season. Aye, aye, sir.

Just think what we missed during the past 15 years.

Three different presidents, astronauts walking on the moon, and miniskirts.

We even missed the miniskirts.

What are miniskirts?

Remember when we left? Women's skirts were clear down to here.

While we were gone, they came up to here.

Now they're back down to here again.

Kelly, did we miss from here to here?

I got my paintbrush.

Why don't you stop varnishing and come down from there and go get the morning

mail? Maybe the check from the insurance company will arrive today. And then the

minnow, too, will be all mine.

I'll go get the mail.

I do hope that check gets here today.

We'll be sitting on top of the world.

Gilligan!

You didn't... I mean... No, you wouldn't.

Bet I did.

What is dumber than varnishing the seat of a chair?

Sitting in a chair that's just been varnished.

Gilligan, get me out of this!

Gilligan, go get the mail, because if I see you in my sight, I'll... Thank you.

Come now.

I do talking.

Why should you do talking?

Idiot, because you have accent.

You are a sailor? Yeah, I'm first mate in the middle, too, and a very teeny

little partner, too. We are sailors also.

Both of us.

Nice necklace you're wearing.

It's my good luck charm.

In my country, it's old custom. I give you my good luck charm for your good

charm.

Solid gold.

No, I wouldn't part with this for my life.

Every man have price.

Well, I gotta go.

Faith! No, I gotta check about a check.

I got it, I got it.

Laugh. It was in the mail.

Well, give me the letter. You know, it was in a big second mail. A mailman made

me wait, you know. Will you give me the letter? Oh, yeah.

There it is, the good old check for the good old minnow, too, huh?

Well, there's no check in it.

Why not?

Why not? Why not? Even you could understand that.

It's written in English. It's as plain as a nose on your face. All the whys and

wherefores. Can't you understand that?

I can't get past you, sir.

Gilligan, it says here that the insurance company will not pay me until

prove that the shipwreck was not my fault.

Don't they trust you?

Gilligan, it's not like we were back on the island where we all trusted each

other. We're back in civilization.

Dog eat dog.

It was never dog eat dog on the island, except for Fifi, and she wasn't even

there. Right.

Well, at any rate, I can't collect my money until I can get everyone who was

board. to sign this affidavit and swear that the accident was not my fault.

Now, you're going to be the first one.

Here's a pen.

I'm going to sit right here. You use my knee to write on and sign that,

Gilligan.

Gilligan! Kipper, you've got a subsidy and chairs have already been varnished.

Would you get away from me before I varnish you?

Good idea.

Come on, baby, that's not fair.

Fair?

Is that what you said, Tony? Fair?

What's fair about a part -time love?

What's fair about promises you don't keep?

What's fair about lies?

Lies?

Goodbye, Tony.

You've got to be kidding.

I said goodbye.

You really mean it.

Ciao.

You'll be calling me, baby.

You'll be calling me.

Yeah, J .J., lousy, just plain lousy.

Would you like to elaborate on that, Mr. Producer?

Darling, I wouldn't ask him that.

Well... Who picked out that ridiculous dress you're wearing?

I did.

I want to see less material and more you.

Well, what do you want me to wear?

A band -aid?

Would you?

Where's that costume he picked out for the scene? I've got it right here.

Would you let your wife wear this?

Which wife?

Your daughter?

Now that's hitting below the belt.

Well, that's the problem.

There's nothing below the belt.

Or above it.

J .J., we've got the whole crew waiting. Why don't we skip to the shower scene?

I'm sorry.

No shower scene.

Okay, okay. Make it a bath.

I'm not going to do a nude scene.

Who said nude?

Let her have a cake or soap.

Soap, Sam.

No way.

And a washcloth.

Washcloth, Sam.

You can use the washcloth and the soap on the script.

It's filthy.

You were on that island too long.

This, this is modern writing, as modern as today's newspaper.

Then use it to wrap fish.

I'm paying you a fortune to make this picture, and you'll make it my way.

Well, if you want it your way, you wear it.

You're the director.

Get her back on the set.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Ginger, are you decent?

Of course.

That's why I'm having all this trouble.

The producer is ordering you back on the set. What's your answer?

Pardon us, sir.

We're looking for a friend.

I'm a producer.

I don't have any friends.

Do you know Ginger Grant?

Yeah, she kind of looks like this, sir.

With all those clothes on, how can anyone tell?

Your friend is in her dressing room.

Let's go see what's going on with Ginger. And get her to sign the

paper so we can get the money for the boat. Now, let's not be selfish,

First, her problem, and then the insurance paper. Right. First, her

Second, the insurance paper. That's right.

Ginger, it's the Skipper and Gilligan.

Skipper!

Gilligan!

First, what's your problem, Ginger? Second, will you sign the insurance

Gilligan. Okay,

okay.

Now, what's wrong, Ginger?

Well, Miss... This is what's wrong.

I've never read anything so terrible. It's full of four -letter words.

She's right, Skipper. You can't imagine how many four -letter words.

When, this, from, both, like. All four -letter words.

Where?

That's a five -letter word. Gilligan, I don't think that those words are what

are bothering her. There's a lot of words in here. I don't even understand

they mean. Look at this one here. It starts with a... Never mind, Gilligan.

Skipper. Things have changed so much while we were on the island. They used

make beautiful movies with beautiful costumes.

Ginger, you'd look good in anything.

But they think I'd look better in nothing.

Nothing? Nothing but a smile.

Oh, a big smile or a small smile? What difference does it make? Well, if it's a

really big smile... Never mind.

I guess that producer figures that's the only way to make money.

Pictures with dirty words and no clothes.

Well, maybe he's right.

I've seen a lot of movies since we've been rescued. I saw Star Wars. They have

little spaceships with red lights and blinking green lights, and they have

big fight.

And how about the robot, R2 -D2?

Well, there's nothing dirty in that.

R2 -D2 is a four -letter word.

Gilligan, there was no nudity or dirty words in Star Wars.

How about Jaws, a big shark going around?

Nothing dirty about that picture either.

How about Julia?

No nudes, no dirty words.

They must have lost a lot of money.

Gilligan, they made hundreds of millions.

Am I intruding?

Yes.

We're the friend of Ginger's from the island.

First we have to find out what her problem is. Then we're going to have her

the paper.

Hey, Gilligan, sorry to interrupt, but there's been a little misunderstanding.

Now, who told you I wanted you to do a nude scene and those dirty words in the

script? You did.

I was joking.

These actresses, they can never take a joke.

I wouldn't make a picture I couldn't take my mother to see.

Ready when you are, Ginger.

I don't know how you two did it. I never did understand how you did anything

anyway.

Oh, you wanted me to sign?

something, didn't you? Oh, yes, Ginger. The insurance company. Oh, I'll sign

anything. I love you two guys.

Skipper, love's a four -letter word. What's wrong with that?

Nothing, little buddy. Absolutely nothing.

Yes, Chief, we understand need for urgency.

We have subject under surveillance and we have this very soon.

You all right, partner? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Please forgive Fred. We have

parted in cowboy pictures. Practice throwing rope.

Can you get it off me, please? I'll be here.

Tie him up. Take this.

rushing on me like that?

Well, we kept on knocking, but you didn't answer.

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm very busy. You'll have to come back some other

No, we have to talk to you now. You've just been elected homecoming king for

big game.

We even have a special cheer for you. Come on, girls.

Please,

I am in the middle of an experiment.

Don't you like the cheer?

Well, yes, it's very clever, but I have no time for these things.

Oh, please, you've got to be the homecoming king.

Besides, I thought you girls always elected a romantic figure as homecoming

king. How about a movie star?

Like, uh, Tab Hunter.

You're kidding!

You were on that island a long time.

You're a romantic figure now, Professor.

Missing all those years on some mysterious tropical island?

You've got every girl in school turned on.

Turned on?

Oh, please, girls, I have work to do.

All

right,

I will be the homecoming king.

Now, please, please, let me get back to my work.

you, Professor.

I have been interrupted all day long by young, impulsive females who do not

understand the importance of scientific work. I understand, Professor.

My anthropology department is also engaged in scientific study.

May I say, Miss Ainsworth, that your research is very well known. Very well

known indeed.

Currently, I'm preparing a study on tribal customs in remote parts of the

Oh, like the natives we sometimes encountered from nearby islands.

Exactly.

Perhaps you could tell me something about their tribal customs.

For example, their courtship rituals?

Anything unusual?

Oh, indeed.

A significant part of the courtship procedure involved sharing coconut milk

through a common straw.

I believe that crude straw was called a what -to -be.

Fascinating. And so different from courtship in this country, where two

kiss.

Like this.

Please, Miss Ainsworth, I have work to do.

So have I. Oh, Miss Ainsworth, turn off your macho.

I wonder what the professor's inventing now.

Good morning, gentlemen.

I am constantly interrupted.

Women have become so aggressive since we were on the island.

Isn't that a shame?

Well, anyway, gentlemen, I'm... I'm delighted to see you again.

Now, what was that insurance problem you phoned about?

Wow, Professor, is that one of your experiments?

Yes. But it starts over there, Gilligan.

Oh, wow, Professor.

Look at all this stuff.

I mean, how do you do all that?

Gilligan!

Sorry, Professor.

Oh, that's all right, Gilligan. That's not part of my experiment.

You see, I was expecting you today, so I set that up especially for you.

Well, thanks, Professor.

I really must get back to my work.

I've isolated a new organic polymer, a heavy plastic that's impervious to

weather and virtually indestructible. Right now I'm trying to think of a good

use for it. Here's what it looks like.

Say, perhaps it would make a good toy.

Say, perhaps you could call it a frisbee.

Frisbee? Why frisbee?

Because that's its name.

I don't like to tell you this, Professor, but really this has been on

for quite a while.

Well, that's what comes from being on the island all those years.

Last week, I invented the electric toothbrush.

The week before, pantyhose.

Why don't you invent something that hasn't been invented before?

Gilligan, he knows that already. Only an idiot would invent something that's

already been invented.

I'm sorry, Professor, but I'm trying to... In my anxiety to create the things

dreamed about on the island, I failed to recognize that some of them might have

been created in my absence.

For example... A skateboard.

So I found out.

And I thought I was going to revolutionize the furniture -moving

Do you mind if I try it?

Well, help yourself, Gilligan.

Now, Skipper, about that insurance paper.

Yes, Professor, I need your signature.

I've got a paper here for you to read.

Ah, yes.

Of all people, one of the most brilliant men in the country. Thank you, but who

is he?

Gilligan, the professor was talking about him.

I'm sorry, Dean.

These are my good friends, the Skipper and Gilligan. How do you do, sir? How do

you do?

We were all shipwrecked together on the island.

You spent 15 years with him?

Yes, sir. When the professor first met me, I was a young, stupid kid.

He's made me what I am today.

Gilligan, why don't we leave these gentlemen alone? I'm sure they've got

important matters to talk over. Academic paraphernalia. As a matter of fact,

I've been trying to meet with you for a month, professor.

Well, I'm sorry about that, Dean, but I've been terribly, terribly busy.

Gilligan. Why don't we take a walk around the campus? Oh, that's a good

Skipper. I'll see you later. I might have bumped into you. Come on. Good day,

gentlemen. Good day.

Professor, I'm afraid you've been neglecting your primary duty.

Oh, but I've taught all my classes and I've been hard at work. Do you know how

many alumni meetings and foundations had you booked for speaking engagements?

I'm sorry, Dean, but I've been... Professor, you are a celebrity.

Those people who hear you speak will donate money to the college. That's

relations work. Exactly.

You can make this the biggest school on the West Coast.

We're on the East Coast. That's how big I want it to be.

Understand?

Big is not necessarily better, Dean.

My boy.

Let's sit down and discuss this on an equal basis.

Boss to employee.

Ah! Fellow classmates, no?

No. We're just visiting an old friend.

We are exchange students.

Exchange students?

Yeah, we exchange this for this.

No, thanks.

Looks like a lot of money, little buddy. I don't care. My good luck charm's not

for sale.

Sorry, gents. Come on, Gilligan.

Don't worry.

We get them late, then they come out.

Hi, Dean.

Sure have a beautiful campus.

He's not very polite.

Hi, Professor.

Hi, Gilligan.

What's the problem, Professor?

They want to use me to sweet -talk the alumni, make speeches and be in parades.

They don't care about my students, my research, my ideas. You know, back on

island, we cared about your research.

We didn't understand it, but we cared about it. Yeah, and we cared about each

other, too. I mean, you cared about the Howells. The Howells cared about Ginger.

Ginger cared about Marianne. Marianne cared about me. Come on, Gilligan, we

who all was on the island.

No, no, no, but Gilligan is right.

I mean, we always tried to help each other.

And I'll be happy to help you out now, Skipper.

May I say your insurance company is vindictive and ruthless.

No, it's Pacific and Western.

Gilligan, let the man sign the paper.

Oh, thanks a lot, Professor.

And don't forget, we'll see you on the boat at Christmas time.

Remembering plans.

When they come out of building, we stop skinny one. You stop him, ask question.

While you are talking, I hit him overhead with this.

Good idea.

While he is down, we get this.

We get this, we are heroes.

Look, they come out different door.

Quick, we take shortcut through field.

No, Chief, not yet. I bump into problem.

Ivan, problem bump into him. But not to worry. We have disk very soon.

Wherever skinny one goes, Ivan and Dimitri will follow.

Excellent vintage, Howell. Must have been a good year.

1492.

I forget whether it came over on the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria.

Dustin, darling.

Excuse me, gentlemen, my wife.

It was a splendid idea, that intercom. Well, the long distance. You see, at

first we considered carrier pitches, and then for obvious reasons we

reconsidered it.

Yes, lovey, what is it? I think the ladies would like an after dinner mint.

Would they like the mint in San Francisco or the one in Philadelphia?

That's my Thurston.

In spite of your shipwreck, Thurston, you seem in good shape. Oh, I'm fit as a

fiddle. Stradivarius, of course.

Have a cigar, Thurston.

Domestic, I'm afraid.

Domestic? Oh, please.

Phillips, where are our cigars from Havana?

One moment, sir.

Just arriving, sir.

Thank you, Phillips.

Meanwhile, gentlemen, I think we can discuss that little business proposition

you had in mind.

Ah, yes. We have decided to issue a million shares of preferred stock and a

million shares of common.

Make that two million preferred. There's nothing common about a Howell

Enterprise. A little financial joke.

Thank you, Fidel.

We were considering your investment in the neighborhood of a hundred million.

Well, I'm afraid I don't know anything about that neighborhood. You see, I

go slumming.

My darling, without your leadership, there was no social season. Without you

the symphony committee, the musical seasons were a disaster. You're so

flattering. Oh, and the ballet. Without Dear Lovey, Swan Lake turned into Disco

Duck. I promise you, now that I'm back, everything will be different. Oh,

definitely.

And I certainly hope you'll ask Mr. Howell for some financial assistance.

Oh. I'll try, but sometimes Thurston treats me like a child. When I want to

about money, he says... Oh, go play with your blocks.

Your blocks?

Yes. 42nd Street, 43rd Street, 44th Street, 44th... Yes?

We're Gilligan and the Skipper.

Oh, yes, from the island. I'm Gilligan. He was in charge of the shipwreck.

Gilligan.

Now, I hope we're not intruding. Mr. Howell wasn't expecting us. Oh, I'd

certainly be delighted to see you.

Thank you.

So I said, now mind you, this is the funny part.

You can't park it here.

That's what I said.

Mr. Skipper and Mr. Gilligan, to see Mr. and Mrs. Thurston Howell III.

Oh, Thurston.

Gilligan!

Captain! We would have called, Mrs. Howe, but your phone number's

unlisted. That was your house.

Sorry, we didn't know you were having a party. We would have...

Oh, you must stay and have dinner with us. Oh, thank you. No, we're really not

hungry. No, we're just starving. Folks, I want you to meet some very dear and

old friends of ours. They were on the island with us. Yes, this is the captain

and this is Gilligan.

This is Mr.

Devonshire, Mrs.

Devonshire, Mr.

Fellows and Mrs. Fellows.

Oh, do stay and dine with us. No, actually, we have some private business

talk over. It can wait, though. No nonsense.

Of course it can. We'll just be a second, folks.

Step into the library, will you? Oh, thank you, Mr. Hough. Excuse us. Yes,

down one of the halls, after you go. We'll see you later. Yes, of course.

Old and dear friend.

Aren't we fortunate, darling?

Never to have been shipwrecked.

Mr. Hough, the insurance company has to pay me for minnow one before I can pay

for minnow two.

Oh, dear. We didn't know that you needed money.

Well, why didn't you ask me? I feel hurt, deeply hurt. Grateful, perhaps,

hurt. Oh, that's very nice of you, Mr. Hough.

But that's my problem. Now, if you'll just sign here.

Anything that you want. Captain, there you are.

I don't believe it. I love you forgot to turn off the intercom.

Imagine being shipwrecked with that riff -raff.

Which one of us is riff and which one is raff? To subject us to even meeting

those two boys.

Thirst and those people insulting the skipper and Gilligan. That is

I refuse to do business with people of such ilk.

Well, it doesn't bother us. Well, it bothers us.

Well, I want them out of my house. And off my land.

It'll take them two weeks to go down the driveway.

We heard everything you said.

The deal is off.

Nobody shames my friends.

Throw them out.

Don't even validate their parking tickets.

Come along, my dear. Let's go.

Mr.

Howell is never unreasonable.

Who are you?

We are with them.

Then you're out too.

Get out of the way.

Wonderful. Well, I feel wonderful, Cindy.

Not nervous, are you?

No. Why should I be nervous?

It's traditional. All brides are nervous.

I'm not. See?

Marianne, we've been best friends since we were kids.

What's going on?

Well, Herbert loves me.

And he's waited 15 years to marry me. The whole time I was on the island.

What are you trying to say?

Oh, Cindy, he's changed.

I've changed.

Nothing's the same anymore.

Oh, I don't love him.

Then you shouldn't marry him.

Cindy, he's waited 15 years.

Marianne, you're making a mistake.

No.

No, I am going through with this no matter what happens.

Oh, Cindy, and I don't want you to tell anybody what I've just told you. But

never... Nobody.

Never, ever.

Promise? Remember?

Like when we were kids?

Right.

Now, we don't have much time.

Now, see if you can put yourself together.

Oh, there are two men outside who say they're your old friends.

But you know all of my old friends.

Not these two.

One of them, well, so far he's knocked down the Bride of Bower, Two Rows of

Chairs, Flower Rangeman. Gilligan?

That's his name. And the other one is, um, Skipper. Do I send them away?

No.

No, but just give me a couple of minutes, okay?

You look wonderful.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

Mary Ann, you look wonderful.

Oh, Gilligan, put her down. You're wrecking her train.

As you can see, our little buddy is still the same old self.

How did you find out about the wedding?

Well, actually, we didn't. We came here to get your signature on a piece of

paper. First, we have to get the papers signed. Oh, I was going to surprise

everybody at the Christmas party with my new husband.

Just think, Gilligan, Mary Ann waited 15 years for this day.

And Herbert Rutgers waited 15 years.

30 years.

Isn't 15 and 15 30? I don't know how you do it. You always say the wrong thing.

Marianne, did I say the wrong thing? No, I'm the happiest girl in the whole

world. I'm just a little nervous.

Well, but that's natural.

She's happy. Why is she crying? I always laugh when I'm happy.

Because you're not a bride.

Oh, I am just so happy you could be here to see how happy I am on the happiest

day of my life.

If she gets any happier, she's going to drown herself.

Oh, girl.

Especially after 15 years, and he waited 15 years to make 30 years.

Gilligan, would you cut that out?

What's wrong with saying 30 years?

Unless the judge says it.

Yes. Are you ready, Annette?

Yes. No.

Is it yes or no?

We're ready. She's not.

Just give us a couple of minutes, Sidney.

Will you both please stay for the wedding?

It would be our pleasure.

Yeah, after 15 years, you got... Let's get out of here and marry him.

Miss, why are you crying? You're not getting married.

That's why I'm crying.

Marianne's crying because she's getting married. You're crying because you're

not getting married. Skipper?

What? I don't know whether to throw rice or hankies.

Just sit there and be quiet, Gilligan.

Pardon me.

You a friend of bride or groom?

Of the bride.

You bring present?

No, I didn't know it was going to be a wedding.

It's never too late to give presents. Sure it is.

A necklace would be a wonderful present.

Where would I buy a necklace now?

It's best to give something you own. Like old saying, something old,

new, something borrowed right from you.

Give it to me.

Now try to understand, little buddy.

Cindy's in love with Herbert. That's why she's crying. And Herbert's in love

with Cindy.

Well, Herbert's in love with Cindy, and Cindy's in love with Herbert, and

Marianne is in love... Who'd you say Marianne's in love with?

Nobody, but that's the point.

But Marianne's marrying Herbert anyway.

Why? Because he waited 15 years for her, and she waited 15 years for him.

Oh, no, now she's doing it. You better stop saying 15 years.

Gilligan, it's up to us to straighten out this whole mix -up.

No, I don't think we can.

Why not?

I think it's too late.

Excuse us. Come on, Gilligan.

And do you, Herbert, take this woman, Mary Ann, to love, honor, cherish,

and hold forever and ever as your lawful wedded wife?

Hey, little buddy, are you sure you know what to do?

Don't worry about me. Move it out.

Do you, Mary Ann, take Herbert to love, honor, cherish, and

hold forever and ever?

And Herbert's in love with Cindy and Cindy's in love with Herbert. I should

had the good sense to figure that out by myself.

Heidi, we've got to stop talking and start doing something. Skipper, let's

Let's move it out.

We take shortcut through field. Good idea.

A strike, Skipper! A strike!

I got a strike!

Got a strike!

Well, where to, Mary Ann?

I don't know.

Let's go back.

Oh, never. Why not? Because I am not going to marry Herbert Rucker.

And why not?

Because his wife won't let him.

We did it. We did it, little sweetheart.

Gilligan, we're ready to get underway.

Cast off.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, you're stepping on my hand.

Young man, please get up and be quiet.

You have swamping divan.

Oh, I know what you want. The big box of money Mr. Howell gave me. I'll go get

it for you. Hold it!

Everyone, please, putting hands in air.

He means put your hands up.

We all know what he means, Gilligan.

Say you want my box of money, Skipper.

Do you gentlemen want your own boxes of money? What denominations do you prefer?

I'm not interested in money.

Good heavens, they must be madmen.

We take what we want.

Wait a minute. That's my good luck charm. Lucky for us.

If you give that to our government, we get metal. Hold it. I'll take that.

FBI.

How could it be? If you folks don't mind, we'll take these two along with

Will somebody tell us what this is all about?

Can I have my good luck charm back?

In due time.

Thanks to you, we captured these spies.

I want you to know that the government is greatly in your debt.

Why not?

The government's greatly in debt to everyone else, too.

Let's go.

Okay,

hero, get ready to cast off.

Aye, aye, sir.

Okay, little buddy, I'll come and get you. Hang on.

I can't understand it, Gilligan.

Understand what, Skipper?

Well, I set our course for that little island just off the coast.

Right.

Well, it's been hours now. We seem to be heading straight out to sea.

Unless the compass is wrong.

The compass can't be wrong. I just cleaned it before we left.

You cleaned it? Yeah, it's a good thing I did. It was really dirty when I got in

there. There was a little piece of metal jammed in the bottom. I took it out

there, threw it away, and I polished that copper.

Gilligan, that was the magnet.

That's what controls the needle that I stare by.

Gilligan.

Well, we better not take any chances. I better start heading back.

Aye, aye, sir.

I'll steer by the sun for a while.

What do we do now?

Maybe we can circle the storm.

We'll go west until...

Batten down the hatches. Batten down the hatches.

Send out an SOS.

Send out an SOS.

How do you spell that?

Watch out!

He didn't mean any harm, Skipper.

Neither did the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

Any idea where we are?

Not really.

That storm turned us round and round and blew us all over the map for 12 days.

But surely we must be someplace. If we weren't, we wouldn't be here.

That's my lovey's long suit.

Logic. Yes.

Well, wherever we are, thanks to your expert seamanship, Skipper, we're all

alive.

I know where we are.

Now, how could you know that, Gilligan? That wind was blowing 90 miles an hour

in every direction.

But I know, Skipper.

How do you know, Gilligan?

Look what I found.

Oh, no!

The same island.

Why are you all so sad? I mean, we're home again, huh?

Yes, Gilligan.

We're home again.

Now

this

is the tale of our cats, New Wave. They're here for a long, long time.

They'll have to make the best of things. It's an uphill climb.

The first mate and his skipper, too, will do their very best to make the

comfortable in the Tropic Island mess.

No phone, no light, no motorcar, not a single luxury.

Like Robinson Crusoe, it's primitive as can be.

So join us here each week, my friends. You're sure to get a smile.

From seven stranded castaways, here on Gilligan Talk.

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