Original subtitles

[music playing]

- This is an ABC color presentation.

[theme music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi, dear.

- Hey, that's pretty.

- Say, you're just in time.

I've got a problem.

- Oh, what's the matter?

- I'm trying to find a babysitter.

- Is this something I should know about?

- Relax.

Joe's mother called.

They have to go out tonight, and their baby sitter cancelled out

on them. - Well that's a shame.

What's that got to do with us?

- Well, nothing, except they thought we might know somebody.

- Oh.

Well, how about that cute little O'Brien girl

you used to sit with Dave and Rick?

- That cute little O'Brien girl now

has two cute little girls of her own.

- Oh.

I guess that was quite a while ago.

- It sure was.

- Well, how about Dave and Rick?

Maybe they know somebody?

- No, I called them, and they don't.

Besides, I think the Harveys would rather have

somebody from the neighborhood.

I would have volunteered myself, except I've

got that committee meeting at the woman's club tonight.

- See, it's not your problem.

- Well, yes, in a way it is.

- In what way?

- Well, I-- I sort of volunteered you.

- What?

As a babysitter?

- Well, after all, it's not exactly babysitting.

Joel's nine years old.

- Well, I know--

- He's an awfully nice boy, well mannered.

He won't give any problems.

Besides, they're really pretty desperate.

- Well, Joe and I were going to play backgammon tonight.

- Pays $0.50 an hour.

- Oh.

Why didn't you say so?

For that kind of money, how can I turn it down?

- We certainly appreciate this.

- We sure do.

- Yeah, me, too.

- Well, I'm glad to help out.

- Especially since you couldn't get out of it.

- Oh.

- That's not exactly true.

Well, you go ahead and have a good time.

Joel and I'll get along just fine.

- Well, thanks a lot.

- Oh, there's a piece of apple pie

and some ice cream in the refrigerator.

- Chocolate ice cream.

- Oh, you've already had yours.

Now, don't you let him talk you out of it.

- Oh, we'll see. - Sell, you later, Oz.

- Well, good night, Joel. Give me a kiss.

- In front of Mr. Nelson?

- Oh, come on.

- Heh. Well, good night.

- Bye.

- Bye.

[music playing]

- Gee, thanks a lot.

That's gin.

- You're kidding.

- No, honest.

Guess I got you again.

- Heh.

I guess you have.

You're a pretty good card player.

- Thanks.

You're a pretty good loser.

- Well, I hate to bring you bad news,

but it's about time for you to go upstairs and go to bed.

- Gee, already?

Maybe the clock is fast.

We could check in on the 10 o'clock news.

- Heh.

No, no, you don't.

- I'll tell you what.

Why don't we play another game of gin,

and the winner gets to stay up an extra half hour?

- No, that's a good try, but I'm afraid not.

- Can't out-smart you, can I?

- I don't know.

We kind of had a couple of pretty shrewd little guys

around our house for a few years.

- OK.

But you can't blame me for trying.

You'd be surprised how many sitters I've outsmarted.

I remember a ti--

- Oh, no, no, you're not going to talk your way to 10 o'clock.

I tell you what.

I'll give you five minutes to get upstairs and get your light

out.

- Does it start now, or when I get upstairs?

- Starts now.

[buzzer]

- I'll get it.

- Hey, wai-- hey, upstairs.

- Gotta answer the door.

- Hi, Joel.

- Hi, Mr. Randolph.

- I thought you'd be in bed by now.

- Hi, Joe. - Oh, hi, Oz.

Fine babysitter you turned out to be.

- He's going up right now. Say goodnight to Mr. Randolph.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Joel.

- Why don't you sit down?

- So where's the set, the backgammon set?

- Well, I thought you were going to bring it over.

- No, I thought you were.

- Well, maybe the Harveys have one.

- I can find it. What is it?

- I thought you were up in bed with the light out by now?

- You should have known.

- Look, as long as you're down here anyway,

do your folks have a backgammon set?

- I don't even know what that is.

- It's on the back of a checkerboard.

- Oh, sure.

We have a checkerboard. - Where is it?

Do you know? - Let's see now.

I wonder where it could be.

- I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll let you stay up for five more minutes

if you can find it.

- Well, it's better than nothing.

[music playing]

- Does you dad have a desk?

- No, sir.

- How about the hall closet?

- Yeah, might be in there.

I think it's in the back here.

- I wonder what this is.

- Hey, it's a slot racer, just what I wanted.

- Isn't this yours?

- Not yet, but I bet it will be.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

- Oh, well, I--

I guess it's supposed to be a surprise.

- Yeah, let's see it.

- No, you're not supposed to see it if it's a surprise.

- That's right.

Besides, it might not be for you, anyway.

- Well, sure. That-- it might be for--

- It's for me, all right?

Remember, it's supposed to be a surprise.

- That's great.

- Don't look at me.

I just came over here to play backgammon.

- Boy, my mom and dad are sure going to be disappointed.

I'm kind of sorry you found it, Mr. Nelson.

- Yeah, Oz.

- Well, I just--

I was-- how--

I-- well, do we do now?

- Maybe you ought to put it back,

and I'll pretend I never saw it.

- OK.

- You won't tell my mom and dad, will you?

- Oh, no, no, of course not.

You better get up to bed.

- You know, I'm kind of disappointed in my dad.

- What do you mean?

You don't like the racer?

- Oh, sure, it's just, he usually

thinks of better places to hide stuff.

- Oh.

Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Night, Mr. Randolph.

- Night, Joel.

- What are you doing?

- I'm just looking at this.

We sure didn't have toys like this when I was a boy.

- Oh, it's pretty nice. Come on.

Let's put it back. - No, wait a minute.

How does it work, anyway?

- Oh, I don't know.

You just set it up and run the cars around the tracks.

- Let's try it out, huh? - Oh, no.

Are you kidding?

- No, we could set it up in the living room here.

- Joe--

- We won't hurt anything.

We'll just test them out.

Trouble with you is you're chicken.

You're just afraid to race me.

- Are you kidding?

You drive like an old woman.

- Is that so?

We'll see about that.

Which car do you want, the yellow or the red?

- We're not going to race these cars.

At least not till he goes to sleep.

OK, ready, set, go.

[toy engines revving]

Maybe we ought to put this back before we bust something.

- No, we won't hurt anything.

Come on, put it back on the track.

[goofy music]

[sniffs]

- Wait a second.

You smell something burning?

- Yeah, I do.

- Holy smokes.

- Must have hooked it up wrong.

- No, I didn't.

- I told you to read the instructions, but no, not you.

"I used to have an electric train."

- OK.

Looks like the transformer's burned out.

- That shows what you know about it.

It's not a transformer.

It's a power pack.

- OK.

Looks like the power pack is burned out.

What do we do now?

- Well, I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going home.

- Hey, wait a second.

This is just as much your fault as it is mine.

In fact, you were the one who suggested we get this out

in the first place.

- Well, you're the babysitter.

You're supposed to be in charge here.

And furthermore, a good babysitter

isn't supposed to have his friends coming over

to play with him anyway.

- Yeah, that's really funny.

Point is, what are we going to tell the Harveys?

This is going to be pretty darn embarrassing.

- What about Joel?

We promised him we wouldn't let his parents know

that he'd seen it.

- Well, they'll know, all right, when

they see it busted like this.

Hey, maybe we could replace it and not

say anything to him about it.

- Well, how are we going to do that?

His birthday's tomorrow.

- Yeah, but I don't think the party is

until tomorrow afternoon.

- Well, we can try.

- Well, let's get this back in the closet.

- You gonna put it back like that?

- Well, yeah, until we get another one.

Then if we're lucky, we'll replace it,

nobody will be the wiser.

- And if we're not, you won't have

to worry about babysitting over here anymore.

- Well, here's your genuine Big League baseball,

the All-Pro football, the boxing gloves,

the electric train with the automatic cattle loader.

- Thank you.

I better get back to the hospital.

I sure hope it's a boy.

- Yes. May I help you?

- I'd like to see one of your automatic cattle loaders.

- No, no, no, no, we want a Blue Cannonball Racing Set.

- Oh, yes, sir.

Well, you came to the right place.

We're the exclusive dealers.

- Oh, well, I want the Model SE120A.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

We're all out of that one.

- You're kidding?

- No, but I'm sure I can get you one.

- Oh, uh, good.

How long would that take?

- A week, 10 days at the most.

- No, that-- that's-- see, we have to have it right away,

today.

- Well, I can give you a little bigger set,

one with a tunnel and a pit stop and a lap counter.

- No, it has to be this specific model.

Say, uh, maybe you could sell just a transformer?

- Power pack.

- A-- a power pack.

- I'm sorry.

We don't have any in stock right now.

Honest, we don't.

- [sighs] Well.

- Now can I see the automatic cattle loader?

[music playing]

[applause]

[cheery music]

- Hi, fellas.

How'd you do?

- Not so good.

We couldn't find it.

- Must be a popular model.

They were all out of stock. - What are those things?

- Well, your husband, the babysitter,

had to buy himself a model submarine to glue together.

- Well, you're a fine one to talk.

Buy yourself a cattle loader, and you don't even

have a set of electric trains.

- Look, fellas, before you get carried away,

what are you going to do about Joel's present?

- Well, I'll leave that up to Oz.

As long as I've got my cattle loader,

I'm going around the neighborhood

to find a kid with a train.

- Wait, you said you were going to help me.

- Well, we tried, Oz.

I haven't got all day, you know.

- Just, the party's this afternoon.

What am I going to do?

- Why don't you figure out a clever way

of getting Harriet to go over there and explain

what happened? - Oh, well, thanks a lot.

You're a big help.

- Well, as I say, I tried.

Well, I've got to get going. I'll see you later.

- Bye, Joe.

- Bye, Harriet.

- Well, what are you going to do?

- Well, you know, that might not be such a bad idea,

because you're awfully good at things like that.

- Oh, no, you don't.

There must be one of those sets around town someplace.

- Well, if there is, we couldn't find it.

- Why don't you ask Joe's parents where they got theirs?

- Well, then they'd find out what happened.

- Not necessarily.

You don't have to tell why you're asking.

As a matter of fact, you don't have

to actually ask them at all.

You can be just as sneaky as the next guy.

- I'm just not the sneaky type.

- Oh, no?

Who was it who sneaked the toy back into the closet

after he broke it?

- No, that wasn't being sneaky.

That was just plain, old-fashioned chicken.

- Well, hi, Oz.

Come on in.

- Oh, thank you.

I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

- No, not at all.

We're just getting the house ready.

We're having a few neighborhood kids

over for a party this afternoon.

- Yeah, I understand it's Joel's birthday.

- Yeah, that's right. Well, come on in.

- Oh, thank you.

- I want to thank you again for staying with Joel last night.

- Oh, it's my pleasure.

Actually, I came over here to get a little advice.

- Well, fine, sit down.

If you need a letter of recommendation,

I'll write you a good one.

- Oh, well, not exactly.

See, I know this little boy about Joel's age

and I wanted to get him a present,

and I thought you might be a little more in touch with what

kids of that age like these days.

- Well, I don't know.

It depends upon the boy, I guess.

- Well, I thought maybe I could get an idea if I knew

the kind of things Joel likes.

- Well, he likes the same things most kids that age like,

I guess.

- Uh, yes, yes.

Well, I, uh-- well, like what?

- Well, they always like sports equipment, footballs

or baseballs.

- Well, I was thinking of something for indoors.

- Oh, they've got some great chemistry such these days

or magic sets.

- Yes.

Well, how about something that has

tracks and is electrically powered?

- Oh, sure, electric trains.

Joel has a set.

In fact, it's funny you should mention it.

He's upstairs playing with it right now with Mr. Randolph.

- Oh, figures.

Well, I suppose most kids already have electric trains.

- Well, I can't think of anything else,

unless you mean one of those, um, uh, what do you call them?

- Slot racers?

- Yeah, that's it.

In fact, I got one for Joel for his birthday.

- Oh, really?

Well, how about that?

What closet-- what sto--

whereabouts did you get it?

- Well, I think they sell them all over town.

- Well, yeah, but I thought maybe you--

you might remember the particular store.

- Well, uh, this might sound a little funny,

but I bought Joel's racers on the way up to the lake.

- Lake?

- Yeah, there's a little store about 2 miles this side

of Lake Warfield, right on the main road.

- Oh, boy, that must be about 35 miles from here.

- Yeah, just about.

A friend of mine runs it.

- Gee, that's a funny place for a toy store.

- Well, actually, it's a combination toy, flower,

and candy shop.

And he does quite a bit of business, too.

- Oh, really? - Oh, yeah.

He catches all those guys that go fishing

without their families and feel guilty on the way home.

- Oh.

Oh.

[laughs] That's a nice little joke, yes.

- All the way up to the lake with all that traffic?

Well, you'll never make it back before the party starts.

- Well, I-- I know it.

- What are you going to do?

- Well, I guess I'll just have to go back there

and explain to his father exactly what happened.

- Well, I'm sure they'll understand.

- It's Joel I'm worried about.

Some birthday, with a broken present.

- I know what you mean.

- Oh, he's a good little guy.

I'm sure he'll realize I didn't break it on purpose.

I've done my best to get him another one.

I'll find some way to make it up to him.

- You know, if you stall around here much longer,

you won't have to tell them anything.

They'll find out for themselves.

- Thanks.

- Good luck.

- Hi, Dave.

- Hi, Pop.

- Hey, uh, where are you going?

- No place special. I was just riding around.

- Well, how about driving me up to Lake Warfield?

- Lake Warfield.

- Yeah, it's only about 35 miles from here.

I have to get something in the little store up there.

- Gee, I told June I'd be right back.

- Well, they sell candy and flowers, too.

- OK, Pop. Hop on.

- Oh, gee, thanks.

[upbeat music]

- Thanks a lot, Dave.

- Sure.

Uh, Pop?

Flowers.

- Oh.

- Thanks a lot.

I'm going to need 'em.

- Here.

Maybe you better take the candy, too.

- OK, thanks.

- Thanks again.

- Oh, I see you got it.

- Yeah.

This is for you. - For me?

Well, thank you.

What are they for?

- Uh, well, because I'm going to feel a little guilty when

I ask you to help me sneak this into Joel's house.

- Well, that will be easier than you think.

- Why do you say that?

- Well, the Harveys just called and invited us to the party.

We're due there in about 15 minutes.

- Oh. Only thing, though.

We don't have a present for him. - Sure we do.

That submarine you got for yourself.

- My submarine?

- Yes, your submarine.

- Heh. OK.

- Good.

I've got it all wrapped.

- Hey, why don't we get there a little early, and then

we can sneak the racer into the closet

and exchange it before the party begins?

- OK.

Let's go.

- How come we never had these problems

when David and Ricky were small?

- Because I always had the presents

where you couldn't find them.

- How are you gonna smuggle that into the house?

- Well, that's easy.

Why do you suppose I wore this big coat?

How's it look?

- Like you've already had your ice cream and cake.

- Well, I'll kind of stand behind you

until I get a chance to slip it into the closet.

[thud] - Ow!

- What's the matter?

- I stubbed my toe.

- Oh, hi! - Oh, hi, Suzanne.

- Won't you come in? - Thank you.

- Oh, it's so nice of you to come over.

- Well, we're a little early, but we

thought there might be something we could do to help.

- Thank you. That's very thoughtful of you.

- May I take your coat?

- Oh, that's OK.

I'll just hang it up in a minute.

- Is there anything I can do to help?

- Oh, no, thanks.

I think we have everything under control.

George?

The Nelsons are here.

- Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

- Hey, Oz. - Oh!

[thud]

Ow!

What the heck are you doing in here?

- Well, I got to thinking if you couldn't find another racer

set, I'd try to fix the one here.

- Oh, I found another.

I had to drive clear up to the lake to get it.

- Well, that's good.

The other one isn't here anymore.

- Well, where is it?

We got to find it and exchange it for this good one.

- I don't know.

I've been trying to get out of this closet for half an hour.

Somebody's always out in the hallway.

- Might as well leave this here till we find the other one.

- Well, whatever you say. I'm going to get out of here.

- Hi, Joe.

I thought it was Oz who came in.

- Oh, well, it was.

He's right here.

- Oh. - Hi, Oz.

- Hi.

I was just-- just hanging up my coat.

- Well, come on in, fella.

- Oh, no, I better get going.

- Oh, no, no, come on.

- Uh, uh.

- Oh, hi, Joe.

- Hi, Suzanne.

- Look how beautifully Suzanne has wrapped Joel's present.

- Oh, there it is.

- Yes, and she's wrapped it beautifully.

- Well, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll be running along.

- Why don't you stay for the party?

- Ye-- yes. Uh, why don't you stay?

- Oh, no, thank you.

I just dropped by to wish the little fellow a happy birthday.

[buzzer] - It's the kids, Mom.

- Say, aren't you going to say hello to anybody?

- Yes, sir. Hi, everybody.

- Happy birthday. - Happy birthday, Joel.

- He's excited. - Excuse me.

- Ah. [children excitedly chatting]

- Put your presents over there. - What do we do now?

- Look.

There's some more of this wrapping paper, maybe

the next room.

I think if we can get a hold of our package,

I can get it wrapped in time. - Well, it-- it's in the closet.

Maybe you can get it out.

- Go ahead, Harriet.

We'll cover for you.

- Everything is great.

- Yeah.

- Taking a long time here.

[squeaking]

OK.

Here we go.

[happy chatter]

- I do. - I do.

- I do.

[kazoo honking]

- What is it, Joel?

[excited gasping]

["ASSEMBLY OF THE BUGLERS" PLAYING]

[kazoo honks] - OK.

Who wants pie? - I do!

- I do!

[kazoos honking]

["ASSEMBLY OF THE

BUGLERS" PLAYING]

- Oh, uh, oh, wait a second, why don't you open this one next?

- OK.

["ASSEMBLY OF THE BUGLERS" PLAYING]

[kazoos honking]

["ASSEMBLY OF THE BUGLERS" PLAYING]

[kazoos honking]

[excited chatter]

- Uh, uh, boys and girls, he-- here's a very special present

from Joel's mom and dad.

Here you are. - Hurry up!

I'm excited.

- Oh, a slot racer!

Just what I wanted!

- Hey, that's pretty nice.

- Yeah, he sure is surprised.

- Yeah, so am I.

- Me, too. - Well, what do you mean?

- We got him a chemistry set.

- A chemistry set?

- We brought him a racing set just like this,

and something happened, and it wouldn't work.

- Oh.

Uh, well, I-- I think I can explain that.

- No, never mind, Oz.

I'll do it myself.

I'm sorry, honey.

I just couldn't resist playing with the darn thing,

and I broke it.

So I went out and got him the chemistry

set because I didn't have time to take the racing car set

back. - No, no, I--

I was the one who broke it when I was

over here taking care of Joel.

The transformer burned out.

- Well, I was just as much to blame as you were, Oz.

- Now, wait a minute, fellas.

You mean last night? - Yeah.

- But it was already broken.

I broke it myself two days ago.

- Well, uh, why didn't you tell me?

I've--

[children chatter]

Hey, you smell something burning?

- Oh my gosh, somebody got the chemistry set out of the oven

before it explodes.

[music playing]

[applause]

[RICKY NELSON, "FIRE BREATHIN' DRAGON"]

- [SINGING] I can see myself a knight in shining armor.

And I can see you there, a lady in distress.

There I go, off to the rescue, sword in hand,

doing my best to save you from the fire-breathing dragon.

Oh, I do it every night.

I can see you there, the lovely Sleeping Beauty,

waiting for your prince to break that magic spell.

There I go.

I'm off to kiss you.

Yes, I know.

I must do this to save you from sleep that's never ending.

Oh, I do it every night.

Ol' King Cole was a happy old soul, but not as happy as me,

'cause I've got you both day and night.

You're in my dreams and in reality.

I can see you there, the lovely Cinderella.

And when the clock strikes 12:00, you always run away.

There I go, off to the rescue, slipper in hand,

doing my best to save you from a fire-breathing dragon,

sleep that's never ending.

Oh, I do it every night.

[cheering, applause]

- Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by--

- ABC, where you'll see the most talked-about man on television,

Batman.

See him in color every Wednesday and Thursday nights.

[theme music]