Original subtitles

This is an ABC color presentation.

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet,"

starring the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Chris.

OK, guys, come on.

Let's go.

Gee, thanks a lot, Chris.

You really saved my life.

From now on, my sister can take care of her own kids.

Oh, I didn't mind.

It was kind of fun until the wagon train surrendered.

Well, come on, you guys. Let's go.

Hey!

Hey, come back here!

Hey, you come back here, Dink.

Hey, what's this?

I was taking care of Dink's nephews for him.

Say, they tied pretty good knots.

Boy, you're not kidding. Come on.

Untie me, will you?

I'm going to be late for a class.

Oh, wait a second.

Not so fast.

I thought I might go over to Wally's house tonight

and play a little poker.

OK.

Oh, and, uh, Charlie wants us to go fishing this weekend.

Oh, that's right.

That is Sean and me.

OK, come on.

Untie me, will you?

Yeah, I thought we could leave Friday afternoon

and get back Sunday night.

I figured you could go over your mother's for the weekend.

Oh, that'd work out just great.

Maybe I better stay home after all.

I see what you mean.

Thanks a lot, you guys. I'll see you later.

Oh, wait a second. Sean wants to ask you something.

Well, make it fast, will you? I don't have much time.

Well, it's about this girl I just started going with.

It's her birthday, and I wanted to buy her a sweater.

But I don't know her size.

Her name is Gloria Stafford.

How would I know her size?

I don't even know her.

Oh, he's got that all figured out.

Yeah, see, she's going to meet me at the bulletin board.

In fact, she should be there now.

I figured if you just took a look at her,

you might be able to tell me what size she takes.

Well, OK, but let's hurry.

I don't want to be late for class.

- I sure appreciate this. - Uh, Chris.

Yeah.

Your arrow's showing.

There she is.

Hey, she's pretty.

Thank you.

- Hi. - Hi, Gloria.

- Hi, Rick. - Oh, hi, Gloria.

I don't think you've met my wife, Chris.

This is Gloria Stafford. Hi.

Hi.

Gee, I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long.

No, that's OK.

Excuse me.

There's something I want to see over here.

Oh, how about that?

Professor Halstead is having an anthropology seminar this week.

- Oh? - Is there anything wrong?

Oh, no, I thought I saw a ladybug on your collar.

- Oh. - Careful now.

You'll frighten it. It's good luck.

Oh, that's right.

There you go.

Fly away, ladybug.

Did you get it?

Yeah, I'm sure she's home with her 34 children by now.

Oh, right.

Well, come on.

We'll be late for class. OK.

- Was nice to have met you. - So long.

Hey, Chris.

Do I have time to change and get cleaned up a little?

Oh, sure, but won't take too long.

Dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes.

OK.

Oh, hi, Wally. Come on in.

- Oh, thanks. - Rick's in the bedroom.

Oh, that's OK.

Actually, if you I wanted to talk to.

What can I do for you?

Well, I've got to iron this shirt.

One of the guys loaned our community iron

to his girlfriend to iron her hair.

Is it OK if I do it here?

Oh, sure, fine.

The iron board's in the closet there.

Oh, here, I'll get it.

You go ahead with what you were doing.

- You sure you can manage? - Oh, sure.

It's a little low.

Yeah, let me help you.

Oh! Thanks.

Had me worried there for a minute.

I haven't learned to iron with my feet yet.

You sure you know how to iron at all?

Oh, sure. I use an iron all the time.

It's great for frying eggs and heating soup.

Now watch this.

Hey, that's a great way to burn a hole in your shirt.

Oh, I didn't realize that.

Wait.

Don't move.

A picture no artist could paint, the young American housewife,

radiantly beautiful, with a setting

sun shining through her hair.

Please, I haven't had dinner yet.

Now get out of here. I'll do it for You

Oh, thanks, Chris.

You're one in a million.

I'm sure of it.

Uh, what was that you were saying about dinner?

I just said I haven't had dinner yet.

Oh, neither have I. I have a dinner

date with Ginger tonight.

That's nice.

See, I was wondering if I might--

oh, well, what I mean is it'd probably be quite a while

before I get a chance to eat.

Help yourself, but leave enough for Rick and me.

It's our dinner. Oh, thanks.

I'll just make myself a little sandwich.

Oh, hi, Wally.

Hi, Rick.

Wally stopped by to iron a shirt.

Looks like he's making a sandwich to me.

Well, that's the way it turned out.

Yeah, I was just telling her Rick she's one in a million.

I wonder if you realize how lucky you are.

Is this what you're looking for?

Oh, thanks.

What do we have for dinner tonight?

Oh, I thought I'd warm up that roast if that's OK.

Well, it's not enough for the three of us.

Oh, that's OK. I can't stay for dinner.

Not you, Pop's coming over for dinner.

You mean your dad?

Yeah, Mom's got a club meeting tonight.

Well, didn't they call? No.

Hold it.

Oh, never mind.

It's too late.

Well, wait a minute.

I haven't touched this side.

Maybe we can cut it in half.

Of course, there may be a little mustard and pickle

relish on it.

You suppose we can find something else?

Well, as soon as I finish ironing the shirt.

I suppose you know you've got a couple of buttons missing.

Oh, yeah, I've got them right here.

Here they are.

I could probably do this myself if I had a needle and thread--

and if I knew how.

Put them down there.

I'll get to it in a minute.

Oh, Chris, you're one in a million.

She's one in a million.

Oh, I said that, didn't I?

That, uh, sure was good--

what do you call that?

Chocolate ice cream.

Oh, uh, I mean, the main course.

Oh, you really want to know?

Yeah.

Hash, but thanks anyway.

Oh.

That was, uh, real good.

OK, you call it, Pop, heads or tails?

What's this?

Heads, you help Chris with the dishes.

Tails, you come in and help me with my ancient history.

Oh, well, let's see.

I, uh-- I don't remember too much

about the Peloponnesian wars.

Uh, I think I'll help Chris.

Oh, why don't you just relax, Dad?

No, no.

Besides, I promised Harriet I'd help you.

Well, OK, if you insist.

If you need any more help, I'll be in the other room.

I'm sorry dinner was a little late tonight.

Oh, that's OK.

Wally stopped by and wanted me to iron this shirt.

And he had a couple of buttons missing.

So I had to sew those on.

Sounds like you're in the laundry business.

Not exactly, but I think the fraternity's adopted me

as housemother.

I've been babysitting, baking cakes, sewing buttons on,

and ironing shirts.

Got a busy day.

Yeah.

The thing is Rick's one of the few guys in the fraternity

who's married.

So everybody automatically thinks

I'm good at cooking and sewing and washing

and all those other nice motherly chores.

Well, the trouble is you are good at all those things.

You don't have any buttons loose, do you?

Uh, not I'm aware of.

Actually, you know, this is all very flattering.

- Yeah, I suppose so. - Well, sure.

Course, it would be nice if somebody smiled or even

whistled at me occasionally.

Instead, all I get is their laundry.

Now that you mention, the same thing

happened to Harriet when we were first married.

You're not just saying that.

No, really.

Have you started giving haircuts yet?

No, it hasn't gotten quite that bad.

I guess nobody's thought of it.

Well, that's how far it got before Harriet

decided to call it quits.

You're just going to have to tell the guys to knock it off.

Oh, I hate to do that.

They're all good friends of Rick's.

Well, sure, and they probably don't realize they're

making all this extra work for you.

Does Rick know about it?

No, I wouldn't know what to tell him.

You just casually mention you're

getting a little fed up with being

the fraternity housemother.

Oh, why don't I just let it go?

I'm probably exaggerating.

It's really not as bad as all that.

OK, whatever you say.

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Sean. Hi, Chris.

I don't believe you know Andy. Hi.

- Hi. - Oh, hi, Mr. Nelson.

- Hi. - This is Andy Stark.

Hi, nice to know you.

I just thought I'd come by and show you

this sweater I got for Gloria. Oh, great.

I had an awful lot of trouble picking out the color.

Hey, that's pretty.

Do you think it's the right size?

Yeah, it's a size 34.

Only trouble is I, uh, forgot to have it gift wrapped.

Oh, well, I'd like to help you out,

but we don't have any wrapping paper.

Oh, that's all right. I've got some right here.

Course, if you're busy right now,

I can come back and pick it up a little later.

No, that's OK.

Can I leave my jacket here?

The zipper is broken.

I've got another zipper right here in the pocket.

I thought maybe you'd sew it on for me

if it wouldn't be too much trouble.

Are you kidding? She's really great at that.

I certainly would appreciate it.

- OK. - Well, so long, Mr. Nelson.

Good night.

Nice meeting you, Chris, Mr. Nelson.

Oh, uh, say, are you new in the fraternity?

Oh, no, sir.

I'm not in the fraternity.

I work down at the gas station across from the library.

Oh. Well, good night, fellas.

Good night.

Can you have that ready by tomorrow?

What time tomorrow?

Anytime before noon.

Good night.

Good night.

Do you believe it?

He's not even in the fraternity.

Well, I-- I know.

He's not even in school.

He's a dropout.

I'm sewing zippers on jackets for dropouts.

I-- I've seen him eating over at the school cafeteria.

And I know I've seen him reading newspapers at the library.

I mean, he's-- he's sort of, uh, in school.

Hey, Chris, I got a little ink on my shirt.

Do you think you could get it out?

Put it down there. I'll get it in a minute.

A couple of your friends are ahead of you.

What's it?

And, incidentally, we're not going

to buy any more gas at that station

across from the library.

Chris?

What'd you do, Pop?

Uh, well, I--

me?

I didn't do anything.

I'll tell you this much--

uh, I'll-- tell Chris thanks for the dinner.

I'll see you later.

Hi, been waiting long?

- No, I just got here. - Well, you can relax.

Nobody's going to come up with a bundle of laundry or a shopping

list.

You told the fellas, huh?

- Yeah. - What'd you tell them?

Well, I told them just what you told me

to tell them, that from now on if they

want their laundry done, they can jump in the lake.

I never said that.

Well, not in so many words, but that was

about what you said last night.

Well, sure, but that was last night.

I'm only kidding.

I was very diplomatic, and they were very understanding.

They were?

Well, yeah, I think so.

At least they didn't say anything.

Nobody said anything?

Well, a couple of guys want to know if I could sew.

I just hope I didn't hurt anybody's feelings.

Oh, no, I'm sure they understood.

They were taking advantage of me, you know?

Well, yeah, sure.

It was the only thing I could do.

Yeah, I know.

You're saying that, but you really don't mean it.

I can tell.

- Hi, Dink. - Hi, Dink.

Oh, hi.

That's funny.

What?

He didn't even stop and say hello.

Well, sure he said hello.

Well, yeah, but he didn't stop.

He was probably in a hurry.

Maybe he's got a class.

I still think it's funny he didn't at least stop and talk

for a minute.

Can't you walk by somebody you know without stopping to talk?

Oh, never mind.

I guess it's not a fair question to ask a female.

Excuse me.

Boy, there sure is a lot left on this leg of lamb.

How many more nights are we going to have this anyway?

Well, it's not my fault. I keep

expecting Wally to stop by and finish it off.

In fact, nobody stopped by.

I know.

Aren't you glad?

No, just because I don't want to do any more of their chores

for them doesn't mean I don't want

them to stop by and say hello.

After all, they're all good friends of yours.

Or are they?

Of course, they are.

You don't think they're avoiding us, do you?

Well, they might be avoiding you,

but they're not avoiding me.

I don't think that's very funny.

Stop worrying, will you?

It's quite a bit of ice cream.

Going to be a pretty big party, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Didn't forget the strawberry, did you?

No, everything's right here.

OK, just charge it to the fraternity, will you, please?

OK.

Let's see, that's eight half gallons

of ice cream, two cartons chocolate

syrup, and one hamburger.

One hamburger?

Uh, maybe you better charge a hamburger to me.

Charge it?

You mean my credit's no good?

Uh, Sean, can you loan me half a dollar?

Oh, all right, but remember where you got it.

Oh, thanks.

Here, I got this from Sean.

Hi, guys.

- Hi, Chris, Rick. - Oh, hi.

Guess we'd better be going. Uh, yeah, so long.

Wait a minute. Where are you going?

Oh, back to the library.

Back to the fraternity house.

There's a booth over here.

What I tell you?

They hate me.

They don't hate you.

Well, they sure weren't very glad to see us.

They were probably in a hurry to get

to the library or the movies.

To get out.

Are you kidding?

What would they do a thing like that for?

Cause they're a bunch of fairweather friends, that's

why. What'll you have?

Well, at least Jack's talking to me.

I think we'll have a couple of chocolate malts.

OK.

Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell Wally

and the guys I can get a pretty good deal on steaks.

Steaks? What for?

That dinner party you guys are having at the fraternity house.

Dinner party?

Yeah, tomorrow night.

I thought you knew about it.

The guys were just ordering the ice cream for it.

Anyway, tell them I can get a pretty good deal on steaks.

Oh, yeah, OK.

You didn't tell me anything about a dinner party.

Oh, yeah, they're-- they're having a little dinner party

tomorrow night.

You didn't tell me about it because you

didn't know about it.

You and I aren't invited.

They just don't want us to be there.

You don't really believe that, do you?

No, I guess not.

They probably don't mind you.

They just don't want me.

Well, if that's the way they feel about it,

I can get along without them too,

Relax, will you?

You're getting yourself all excited.

No.

No.

No.

Absolutely not.

No, no, no.

What are you doing?

I'm just practicing in case they get around to asking us

to their silly party.

Who needs it?

What's the matter with you guys?

You almost spoiled everything. What are you talking about?

Last night at the malt shop, when you were ordering the ice

cream, Chris got so mad.

She might not even show up.

Boy, that'd really be a surprise party.

Everybody shows up but the guest of honor.

Doesn't matter because she won't darn their socks

or iron their shirts anymore.

Well, we had to hurry out of there

so she wouldn't see us buying all that ice cream.

Well, you sure made it tough for me to get her over here

tonight.

Unless you want me to tell her about it.

- Well, you can't do that. - That'd spoil everything.

I worked about an hour on this sign.

Yeah, we're having a very special dinner.

I'm doing all the cooking.

I don't know how I'm going to get her over here.

Well, why don't you tell her the truth--

almost?

How do you do that?

Well, you go home and tell her it's a surprise party,

but it's for you.

Well, that's a great idea.

It's a surprise party for me, and I know all about it?

Well, yeah, you found out about it.

That happened to me last year.

Ginger invited me out for dinner.

And I got stuck with a check.

Boy, was I surprised.

Well, what's that got to do with this?

Well, nothing, I guess, but it sure made me mad.

It might work though.

And if she thought the party was for you, she'd be sure to come.

She would, wouldn't she? I hope so.

Why don't we get somebody to tell her

it's a surprise party for you?

Hey, yeah, that might work at that.

Well, how about you? Why don't you tell her?

- Me? - Yeah.

She'll be over at my folks' house in about an hour.

Well, what would I be doing over there?

Getting a button sewed on your shirt.

All the buttons are on my shirt.

Hey!

It's a surprise party for Rick?

Yeah.

Hold still. I'll stick you.

Oh, sorry. I'm just a little ticklish.

Why didn't you guys tell me?

This explains a lot of things.

Oh, we wouldn't tell you.

You know what they say about women

not being able to keep secrets.

And I thought you guys were mad at me.

Oh, no, you were perfectly right to go on strike.

It was our fault for taking advantage of you.

Well, I probably should have given you

at least a week's notice.

We're doing fine now.

Or at least we were until the washing machine broke down.

The washing machine at the fraternity house?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, for goodness sakes, bring your washing over here

and run it through our machine.

Or you can bring it over to our house.

We're much closer to campus. Well, if you insist.

Well, sure.

The least I can do is help out until yours is fixed.

And bring any sewing or mending you have too.

Well, that sounds great.

Things were beginning to pile up a little.

And what can I do for Rick's party?

Uh, party?

What party?

Oh!

Party.

Oh, well--

I can bake a cake or a couple of pies or something.

Oh, no, I'm taking care of all the cooking.

I'm cooking a great big rib roast.

You just need to get there around 7 o'clock.

And, remember, don't say a word to him about it.

Oh, don't worry. I won't.

The only thing I don't get is what's the occasion.

It's not his birthday. No, no.

It's nothing like that.

It's the, uh-- the first annual weekly surprise

party of the month.

In other words, you don't want us to know.

You don't trust us. That's right.

Well, thanks a lot for the beautiful sewing job.

Oh, that's OK.

Now they can't say I don't have all my buttons.

Boy, I sure feel better now that I know what's going on.

I'll bet you do.

You know what I think I'll do?

I think I'll bake a nice cake.

What's a party without a cake?

Yeah, it's a good idea.

I'm sure they'd like that.

In fact, I think I've got one

in the freezer, a big chocolate cake.

And do you think maybe I ought to run over there and help

them decorate? Oh, now wait a minute.

If you're going to do that, why don't I bake the cake?

Oh, no, you don't. This is my fraternity.

You go find one of your own.

You guys want to bring this table in here, please?

Right up against here.

Then bring another table on this side.

Put the tablecloths on here.

You have the tablecloth?

Hi.

Oh, hi, Wally.

Looks pretty good, don't you think?

Yeah.

You're sure Chris will be here.

- No, she'll be here all right. - You're sure now?

I said she'd be here.

OK.

You, uh, sound pretty confident.

Like most of my ideas, it worked out beautifully.

I convinced her the surprise was for Rick.

Well, hadn't you better start cooking the dinner?

No, no. I got a couple hours yet.

I hope you know what you're doing.

Are you kidding?

You're talking to the campus gourmet.

Oh, I know that, but can you cook?

Ha, ha.

Oh, bring that sign into the hallway.

Hey, here are the candy and flowers, you guys.

Hey, they're very nice.

Yeah, when do we give them to her?

Just soon as she comes in. Wait.

I'll show you. Hey, you guys, come here.

Shut the door, will you?

Now you take the flowers, and I'll take charge of the candy.

Hey, what about my pants?

Well, I hope you're going to be wearing them.

The cuff's torn.

Well, put them in the bag here.

We're going to take it over to Chris's later.

Now, here's the way we do this.

Uh, some of you guys get up on the stairs.

When they knock on the door, I'll swing it open,

and everybody yell surprise. You got that?

Yeah.

Shh.

Hey, there's somebody at the door.

I'll get it.

At the door.

Oh, hi, Chris.

What happened? You tell me.

I just came by with this cake for the party.

Mm, that's delicious.

Sean, look what Chris brought.

Oh, uh, hi, Chris.

You got a little cake on you.

I'll take it out to the kitchen.

Oh, Chris, here.

Sorry about that. Oh, that's OK.

I just wanted to help with the decorations.

Oh, uh, well, they've all been taken care of.

Don't worry about a thing. Everything's under control.

Nice of you to drop by.

Here's that laundry and stuff you were going to do for us.

Thanks a million.

I'll walk you out to the car.

Well, hi, Chris.

What are you doing here?

She was just leaving.

I thought I was bringing a cake over for Rick's surprise

party.

A surprise party for Rick?

Are we giving a surprise party for Rick?

Of course, we are!

You'd know these things if you went to the meeting.

I go to all the meetings.

Well, you didn't go to this one.

15 demerits for you.

Excuse me, Chris.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Well, you seem pretty happy.

Well, I ought to be.

I've had quite a day.

It didn't start out too well.

But I think it's ended up just beautifully.

Well, what are you talking about?

About those fraternity brothers of yours.

Boy, you can have them.

What do you mean?

Well, it took a little time, but it finally

got through to me. You know what they were doing?

No, what?

Well, just to get me to do their washing and ironing

and stuff again, they made up some big phony story

about having a surprise party for you.

For me?

Yeah, and they almost had me fooled.

Oh, wait a minute. Maybe there really is a party.

If there is, we ought to get over there.

Not me.

You couldn't get me near that place for anything.

But we've got to.

I mean, don't you think we should?

Forget it.

I'm staying right here and fixing dinner

for two, you and me.

Look, I'm sorry to have to tell you

this and spoil everything.

But the surprise isn't for me.

It's for you.

For me?

That's right.

They have the house all decorated

with flowers and banners and stuff.

Why would they give a party for me?

Well, they-- they got to thinking how nice you've been

to everybody.

And they just wanted to show their appreciation

for all you've done.

Oh, gee.

Think I'm going to cry.

Oh, my gosh!

What's the matter?

I've got to stop them.

What do you mean?

Hello, Wally, this is Chris.

Whatever you do, don't let the guys look at the laundry,

please.

Well, I'm sorry, Chris.

But I'm afraid it's too late.

It's lucky everybody has a sense of humor.

Uh, see you later.

Boy, talk about starch.

She sewed our pants together.

All right, the next guy that whistles

gets a punch in the nose.

Somebody, help.

Help!

Who is that?

Oh, hiya, Greg.

And so we decided that this was the best

way we could think of to show our appreciation for everything

you've done for us.

Well, almost everything.

I'll fix that for you, Kent, and all the other things too.

Oh, no, you don't.

Tonight is your night.

I'll drink to that.

You hear that?

You're not going to lift a finger.

Help! Help!

Everything's bubbling over and burning!

The dinner is going to be ruined!

Does anybody know anything about cooking?

Well, here we go again.

For she's a jolly good fellow.

For she's a jolly good fellow.

For she's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.

Just in case you haven't heard about it

or read about it in the papers, I

thought I'd remind you that we Nelsons are moving

to Saturday night at 7:30.

So starting next week, January 15,

we have a date every Saturday night at 7:30, OK?

Tell your friends about it, will you?

Just in case they missed the announcements.

I think we have some real good shows coming up.

Good night.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by--

ABC, where I'll be seeing you in "The FBI" in color.

I'm Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., inviting you

to join me every Sunday night.

The National Safety Council

says a really good driver never takes anything for granted.

He expects the unexpected and is prepared to react fast.

Drive as though your life depended on it.

It does.

And so do the lives of others.

Live up to the rules.

Drive carefully and courteously too.

Watch for warning signs.

Obey posted speed limits.

For your own protection, insist on strict law enforcement.

When traffic laws are obeyed, deaths go down.