Original subtitles

This is an ABC color presentation.

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, here's Harriet, here's David, here's Rick.

Here they are, America's favorite family, the Nelsons.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by Chase & Sanborn,

makers of the new, heftier instant and regular coffee--

heftier with extra flavor.

Oh, hiya, Rick. You're just in time.

What's going on?

Hold it, you guys, everybody in the living room.

I've got a class in five minutes.

Nobody's leaving the premises.

Oh, get out of the way, will you?

I've already paid my dues.

It has nothing to do with that.

Come on, hurry up, Greg, into the living room.

If this is one of your practical jokes--

Believe me, it's no joke.

How about that?

How about what?

Well, what do you see?

The wall needs painting.

That's the least of our worries.

The blue moose is missing!

- Gee, so it is. - Well, when did this happen?

The blue moose-- the blue moose is symbolic

of the glorious traditions of our fraternity,

one of God's noblest creatures--

All right, knock it off.

Does anybody have any idea what happened to it?

That's what we're trying to find out.

Come on, now, somebody must know something.

Well, it might have been the two

Betas that came by last night selling encyclopedias.

Selling encyclopedias?

When was this?

Oh, about midnight, I guess.

They asked me for a glass of water.

And when I came back, they were gone.

And so is our blue moose.

Yeah, I guess maybe it was.

Well, why didn't you say something?

Well, I thought maybe I was mistaken,

and whoever took it would return it.

I might have known it was the Betas.

Well, we'll just have to get it back.

Hey, you guys, Dean Hopkins is here.

- Dean Hopkins? - What does he want?

We haven't done anything.

Excuse me, gentlemen, I'd like to return something I believe

belongs to you. The blue moose!

The blue moose.

The blue moon is symbolic of the glorious traditions--

Never mind.

Thanks a million, Dean Hopkins,

but where'd you find it?

You know darn well where I found it.

It was staring into my bathroom window.

Oh, no.

I stepped into the shower this morning,

it scared me half to death.

Gee, that's terrible.

Somebody stole it from us, and we had no idea where it was.

- I can imagine. - Oh, well, that's right--

we don't want you to think we did it.

We don't know anything about it.

OK, let's not overplay it, shall we?

You're breaking my heart.

Make sure it doesn't happen again.

Yes, Sir.

No, Sir-- whatever you say.

Now, there's a meeting of the Board of Trustees this week.

And we're going to have some very important visitors

on campus.

So just remember that this is a university and not

an amusement park.

So let's not have any corny collegiate capers, no hijinks.

Is that clear? Yes.

Yes, Sir.

I guess the dean was a little upset.

Not half as upset as we ought to be.

Can you imagine those dirty Betas?

Yeah.

Don't worry we'll figure out some way to get even with them.

And as for you, I'm surprised at you.

And wipe that smile off your face.

Here you are.

Say, what's this I hear about the Betas?

I understand they really put one over on you guys.

So we've been told.

Yeah, by everybody on the campus.

Oh, I'm sorry, fellas.

I didn't realize I was in such a sensitive area.

So help me, the next guy that says anything

about the Betas putting one over on us

is going to get a poke in the nose.

OK, OK.

Hi, Dave.

Oh, hi, Jack.

Hi.

Hi, Dave.

Hi, Dave.

I understand the Betas really pulled a fast one on you guys.

So help me, the next guy who says anything

about the Betas putting one over on us

is going to get a poke in the nose.

They got the moose, huh?

Yeah.

That's a disgrace.

How'd that ever happen?

Don't make me tell you.

It was so easy, it was embarrassing.

Did you guys ever have any trouble with the Betas

when you were in school?

We sure did.

Of course, it was always on a friendly basis.

But that's been going on for about 50 years.

Hey, in fact, I was just talking to Harry Doyle about it

the other day. Who's Harry Doyle?

He's one of the older alumni, class of '25 or '26, I think.

Anyway, he was telling me that when he was in school,

they dug a tunnel all the way over to the Beta house.

A tunnel?

You mean, connecting the two houses?

Yeah, they had the Betas going crazy for weeks.

Furniture would be moved around, stuff would be missing,

animals would show up in their living room.

Boy, wouldn't that be something

if it was still there?

Oh, I think the guy was probably putting you on,

don't you think, Dave?

Well, it's possible, but I don't think so.

He said the dean made 'em wall it in or break it

up or something.

Gee, sure would be great if we could uncover it.

Well, there's always the possibility

that Dave is putting us on.

There's one way to find out.

Excuse me, Dave.

Hey, hey, you guys, you forgot your check.

Wally?

If there's a tunnel around here, it sure is well hidden.

No, I don't see any loose bricks or anything.

Now wait a second, let's figure this out logically.

Which way is north?

That way.

OK, now, it's not that way because that's

the furnace room.

It's obviously not this wall.

So the only logical thing is, it's got

to be one of these two walls.

And my guess is it's that wall over there.

Hey, I found the secret tunnel!

- Well, how's it look? - Great.

It's completely dry.

Looks like it's in pretty good condition.

How far does it go?

All the way to the Beta house, just like the old guy said.

No kidding? Did you get in?

No, it's sealed off.

But it's just a rusty old grate, like a vent.

I'm sure it'll push right through.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go.

Well, wait a second, what do we do when we get there?

Yell surprise?

No, that's no good.

How about turning all their furniture upside-down?

No, that's too mild.

Look, we've got to think of something real funny.

Yeah, and sneaky, something they won't forget

in a hurry, a real dirty trick.

Let's see-- who do we know is capable of working out

something dirty, sneaky, and underhanded?

Say no more, gentlemen.

I accept the nomination.

Tunnel through the Beta house?

Yeah, from our cellar right through to theirs.

We're going to slip over there tonight

and gimmick up their place. Well, what are we waiting for?

Let's go.

Well, wait a second, we have to figure out

what we're going to do first. Yeah, Wally's working on it.

Patrol number one reporting, Sir.

What'd you find out?

Well, they're expecting us, all right.

They've got guys stationed all around the house,

covering the doors, the windows.

They even got a guy up on the roof.

Does that mean they know about the tunnel?

Well, heck no.

It's just that they expect some sort of retaliation

for stealing the blue moose.

Oh, what'd you find out?

Gopher patrol reporting, Sir.

The tunnel's all clear.

And the grate at the other end is loosened,

so you just have to push it in. Well, what are we waiting for?

Well, we need a report from the demolition and games

committee, in the person of Brother Plumstead.

And speaking of Brother Plumstead--

Here he comes now. Ta-da!

Oh, thank you, one and all.

I've been thinking about you, fellows.

Oh, here, Kent, I know you like candy.

Oh, thank you.

And Greg, I've been watching you.

It's about time you learned to smoke.

Have a cigar.

Would you take that chair over for Dink?

He looks tired. Hey, thanks, Wally.

Well, did you come up with anything yet?

Well, it wasn't easy.

Besides, I've been busy picking the flowers.

Flowers? What for?

What for?

Because I think the occasion calls for it.

Besides, they smell so nice.

See?

It's got this little rubber ball.

You put it on a chair, and when someone sits on it--

Niagara Falls.

Hey, what's in this candy?

Oh, wait a minute.

Here's some water.

Hey, what kind of a glass is this?

It's crawling up my clothes!

Oh, that must be the white mice I let fly.

OK, fellas, meeting's adjourned.

All right, you guys, no noise and positively

no lights. What time is it?

It's about 1:30.

Now remember, put everything back in its place.

OK, who's first? I am.

In you go.

You're next.

What do you have there, Kent?

The white mice and the butter for the doorknobs.

Remember, we'll meet you at the other end.

And no noise.

Sh.

Quiet.

Is there anybody left?

Just Jim.

He's coming right along. Ah!

Sh.

Thigh bone connected to the knee bone.

Cut it out, will ya?

Come on.

This way, fellas.

- Where are we? - I don't know.

I'm all turned around.

Where do I put the skeleton?

I'll put it in their closet.

Come on, fatso.

Sh.

- Hi, Rick. - Oh, hi, Jack.

Any of the fellas here?

Yeah, they're over in the booth there.

Oh, yeah.

Have you seen any of the Betas?

Yeah, a couple of them were in earlier.

- Did they say anything? - What do you mean?

About what?

Well, did they mention anything unusual

that happened at their house last night?

Not to me. What's going on, anyway?

Wally asked me the same question.

- I'll tell you about it later. - Please do.

- Hi, fellas. - Oh, hi, Rick.

Did you hear anything from the Betas yet?

No, not a word.

They're probably playing it cool till they

get a line on who did it.

Don't worry about that. They know who did it, all right.

Hey, I wonder who got the hot candy.

Hey, would you mind not making faces like that?

People will think it's the food. Oh, sorry.

- Have you tried the cigars yet? - Oh, probably not.

It's too early. Hi, fellas.

- Hi, Dave. - Hi, Dave.

Hey, have you seen any of the Betas?

No. Why?

Boy, wait till you hear what we did to 'em last night.

Tell him, Rick.

Well, remember that secret tunnel

you told us about between our house and the Betas?

Yeah? What about it?

Well, we did a little investigating

and found out that it's still there.

Oh, yeah? Well, what good will that do?

- What good will it do? - Don't you understand?

We opened it up again, and it still leads right

into the Betas' basement.

Are you kidding?

Well, what are you talking about?

Well, the Betas haven't lived there for about 15 years.

The university owns the house now.

Dean Hopkins lives there.

Dean Hopkins?

Yeah.

Hey, what are you guys doing, anyway?

Oh, just a little precautionary measure

in case the dean shows up unexpectedly.

Are you kidding?

Just playing it safe.

Farewell to thee, old alma mater.

Hey, where are you going?

Oh, I thought it might be a nice idea

to go visit my poor old mom and dad

who live far, far away, where the dean can't find me.

That's ridiculous.

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

You'd better go out the back way.

Hey, where are you going?

Oh, I just thought I'd go out for a little walk.

What are you guys so worried about?

Oh, nothing, nothing at all, especially when the Dean finds

out who booby-trapped his house.

Well, how's he going to find out?

We're certainly not going to tell him.

And we're the only ones that know about it.

Suppose he finds the tunnel.

Well, why would he even look for it?

He doesn't know where it is.

Yeah, you know, maybe he's right.

Well, if he's wrong, it's farewell

to thee, old alma mater.

OK.

Well, you know, I had a feeling all along

that wasn't the Beta house.

Well, what are we going to do?

I think we ought to just sit tight till it blows over.

Or up.

Well, anyway, maybe the dean won't even

notice some of that stuff.

Has anybody seen the newspaper?

"Foreign dignitaries on campus.

Delegates from 15 nations here to attend International Peace

Through Education Convention.

There will be an informal reception

at the home of Dean Hopkins, followed

by a luncheon at the president's home."

Oh, great.

A reception at the dean's house?

- Yeah. - When is this?

In about an hour.

Mi, mi, mi--

Farewell to thee, old alma mater--

Hey, just a second--

we have to figure out some way to get that stuff out of there.

Rick's right.

I mean, can you imagine the embarrassment

if one of those foreign educators

should get a hold of an exploding cigar?

Well, what about those collapsible chairs?

And the hot candy.

What about their wives?

I mean, with all those mice running around.

Peace through education?

This is liable to turn into an international incident.

Hey, here's an idea-- how about an anonymous phone call?

Dean Hopkins, your house is bugged.

We've got to sneak back through the tunnel

and get that stuff out of there before the guests arrive.

In broad daylight?

That's a suicide mission.

OK, I'll volunteer.

It'll take two of us.

We need one other guy.

OK--

Now, wait a minute, I wasn't volunteering.

I was just making like a chicken.

You don't want me, I'll spoil everything.

I crack under pressure. Come on.

This was all your fault.

In case you get caught, remember,

don't give your right fraternity.

Very funny.

Come on, let's go.

OK.

Let's get the skeleton first.

OK.

Sh.

Hey, wait a second, somebody's coming.

I'm awfully sorry, dear.

I had no idea there'd be so many people.

Well, I just don't know what I'm going to do.

You should have given me more notice.

Now, stop worrying.

You won't be alone.

I'll be here, you know?

You'd better be.

I hope they all speak English.

Well, I'm sure we'll manage somehow.

Hmm, we're not going to have too much

in the way of refreshments.

Well, there doesn't have to be much.

The luncheon's at 12:30.

And I'll give you a hand.

Well, OK.

Oh--

Well, what's the matter?

I-- I saw a little white mouse.

Oh, come on now, dear, you're getting yourself all worked up

over this.

Wait here.

They're in the kitchen.

What's our strategy?

We can't go in there now.

They're liable to come out and catch us.

What do we do?

Wait a second.

How many waiter's coats do we have at the house?

About a half a dozen. Why?

I got a great idea.

Come on.

Come on, will you?

I'm stuck!

Ow!

Well, they're starting to arrive.

Oh, how do I look?

Fine, fine.

You look beautiful.

You all set?

No, but open the door anyway.

- Good morning, Dean Hopkins. - Good morning, Dean Hopkins.

- Good morning. - Hello, boys.

Well, I'm sorry I can't see you right now.

We're expecting guests.

Yes, Sir, we know that-- some very distinguished guests,

as a matter of fact.

That's why we're here.

We read about the foreign dignitaries who

are going to be your guests.

So we wanted to come over and volunteer our services,

and help in any way we can.

You know, greet the guests, serve the hors d'oeuvres,

keep the place tidy.

Oh.

Well, I don't mean to sound suspicious,

but isn't this a bit unusual?

Oh, well, perhaps so.

But after all, this is an unusual occasion.

And we figured it'd give you and your charming wife

an opportunity to devote more time to your guests.

I think that's a lovely idea, a beautiful thought.

Don't you, dear?

Well, yes, I suppose--

Don't worry about a thing.

We'll take care of everything.

I hope so.

I'll get it.

Oh, buenos dias, señor.

Buenos dias.

- Buenos dias. - Buenos dias.

- Bonjour. - Oh--

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Um--

Good morning.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

Good morning.

Come on in, folks.

Morning.

Right this way.

Oh, how do you?

Very, very nice to see you again.

Oh, how nice to see you.

What are we going to do about him?

Well, put a hat and coat on him,

and I'll sneak him outside. Yeah.

OK.

Hors d'oeuvre?

Say, isn't that beautiful?

What's that?

This painting.

I never saw anything quite like it.

Oh.

Oh, well, thank you.

I painted that last summer.

Oh, really?

It's beautiful.

What the heck are you doing?

Oh, that's very good.

Oh, that's just what I was looking for.

Ooh--

I'll take that, Dean.

Well, thank you.

Would you care for an hors d'oeuvre?

- No thank you. - Are you sure?

They're very good.

No, no, thank you.

May I cut that for you, sir?

Thank you.

How about that?

Have one of these.

Allow me.

Thank you.

Oh, no, no, no--

oh, pardon me.

I just wanted to see what time it is.

Very much.

Very nice.

I do, thank you.

Thank you.

Very nice seeing you.

Thank you.

Very nice meeting you.

Adios.

Did you get all the mice?

Yeah, they're all safe and sound.

What are you jumping around for?

I got a couple of them in my pocket.

I hope we haven't forgotten anything.

Yeah, so do I.

Well, we got the candy and the cigars.

What about the flowers and the breakaway chair?

Well, nobody noticed them. We can sneak them out later.

Sh.

Boys, you were just wonderful.

- You certainly were. - Thank you.

Thank you.

I don't know what we ever would have done without you.

Oh-- may I?

Oh, yes, of course.

I wonder where this came from.

Oh, it looks like some sort of a cane.

Oh, don't be silly, it's a gavel.

Why would somebody be carrying a gavel around with them?

Hmm, seems a little heavy in the head.

Ooh!

Ooh, I'm terribly sorry, Dean Hopkins.

Well, fellas, I must admit I'm a bit puzzled.

But since you've been so helpful to Mrs. Hopkins and me,

I'm not going to embarrass you by asking for any explanations.

Oh, thank you very much, Dean.

Well, let's just say we discovered a little secret,

but we're going to forget about it.

Good.

Oh-- oh, fellas, would you care to leave by the front door

or through the tunnel in the basement?

Oh, have the boys gone?

Oh, yes, just a moment ago.

What on earth happened to you?

Oh, it was nothing.

I just got a little water spilled on me, that's all.

By the way, did you see those flowers over there?

Why, no.

Where did they come from?

They're very unusual.

Here, smell them.

Oh!

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