Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,199
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,399
- Are you all right, love?
- No, I'm not all right, Dad. I'm pregnant!
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,919
Is there someone who can
go along with you?
4
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,599
My mum's just ran off with
her and my dad's savings.
5
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,159
My sister's on remand.
6
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,319
I won't be judged by a woman who
tried to have her fiance murdered.
7
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:14,559
Tried and failed.
8
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,799
Oh, my God!
9
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,799
But it's my coat, isn't it?
10
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,999
Why can't you behave like
a fully grown adult?
11
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,199
Which lucky tosser did you pick
as your birth partner in the end?
12
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,359
Look at that!
13
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,079
You know, I reckon I could get
my head through that.
14
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:27,359
You think you could fit your head
through your daughter's cervix?
15
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,799
Having a baby is like being
love-bombed by your own DNA.
16
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,279
You're not good enough for her!
17
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,479
Oh!
18
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,399
What the...fuck is that?
19
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,200
Dad, it's happening.
20
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,359
There's a visitor for you, Gemma.
21
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:42,719
Davina?
22
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,160
Hiya, Mum.
23
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,959
I thought you'd never ask me
out on a date.
24
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,999
What gave you that impression?
25
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,359
The many, many times
you never asked me out.
26
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:04,039
I was just worried...
27
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,360
..things might change
after you had the baby.
28
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,120
What baby?
29
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,399
What the fuck?
30
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,759
- No.
- Oh, God. Shit.
31
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,719
We'd better order some more drinks.
32
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,000
- Yeah.
- 'Scuse me, mate?
33
00:01:25,071 --> 00:01:27,159
Hiya. How you doing?
34
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,920
- Can I get two more...
- VOICES FADE INTO BABY CRYING
35
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,759
Sadie!
36
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,399
What are you doing down there?
37
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,999
It's OK.
38
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,400
It's OK.
39
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:41,999
Dad?
40
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,200
TRANSLATION FROM SPANISH:
41
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,439
What?
42
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,040
BABY CRIES
43
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,840
Oh, Sadie...
44
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,600
Oh, hey, baby.
45
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,599
CRYING CONTINUES
46
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,279
Hey...
47
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,399
Mum?
48
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,119
The baby's crying, love.
49
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,359
Oh, is she?
50
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,559
Thanks.
51
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,159
She's very, very loud.
52
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,919
Have you just got in?
53
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,839
I've been out entertaining
my wonderful butcher friend,
54
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:16,959
the Sausage Man.
55
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,519
So things are getting serious
with the Sausage Man, then?
56
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,719
Sausage men are never serious,
Gemma.
57
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,519
They drift in and out of
one's life like the wind.
58
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,159
Yeah, that's famously
what sausage men do...
59
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,759
..in all the romantic sausage poems.
60
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,799
Are you hungry? Cos he could
knock you up a sandwich in no time.
61
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:33,999
He's here?!
62
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,039
Yeah.
63
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:36,199
Hiya, Gemma!
64
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,639
Mum! We had a conversation
about this.
65
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,039
He turned up with a massive
pack of chops, Gemma.
66
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,159
I weren't going to say no.
67
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,439
No! Get him to leave now.
68
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,639
You need to keep your stress levels
down while you're feeding.
69
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:49,960
Don't want your milk
to taste bitter.
70
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,240
Hey, come here, you!
71
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,239
HE LAUGHS
72
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,399
Oh, now that is a big bit of meat!
73
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,560
Thin walls work both ways!
74
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,760
Malcolm.
75
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,440
Malcolm!
76
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,680
HE BARKS LOUDLY
77
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,679
Argh!
78
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,119
Oh! What is it? Is it Gemma?
Is it Sadie? What's the matter?
79
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,319
How the fuck should I know?
80
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,199
Malcolm, I told you not to sleep
up here between the hours
81
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,919
of 7am and 11pm.
82
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,119
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just couldn't get
to sleep last night.
83
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,959
There was a big, complicated fight
over some crab paste.
84
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,559
I didn't want to get involved...
85
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,919
Malcolm, sleeping men produce
a terrible odour.
86
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,040
CRASHING
87
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,039
Ow!
88
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,479
And you know I'm trying to run
a top-class professional
89
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,839
establishment here.
90
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:44,159
Derek, the door's broken again.
91
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:47,879
Oh, for fuck's sake, Lawrence.
92
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,639
Don't you think I have enough
fucking admin on my hands,
93
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,039
without having to worry about fixing
every single fucking broken
94
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,319
fucking door in this place!
95
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,999
- The front door.
- Oh, the "front" door, I'm sorry.
96
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,320
Why didn't you say? Jesus Christ!
97
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,039
WHAT?
98
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,319
I...
99
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,599
Me and the others, we...
100
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:14,039
..don't think it's fair that
Malcolm stays for free,
101
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,080
and we all pay rent.
102
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,760
Go away, you pathetic piece of shit.
103
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,279
- He's right, mate.
- Oh, come on!
104
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,319
You're going to have to start
chipping in, otherwise they're just going to
105
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,959
set fire to your sleeping bag
and throw it down the bin chute.
106
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,199
I've seen it before.
107
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,399
I mean, it's been three months.
108
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,639
I thought Davina would've
left by now.
109
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,600
CRASHING
110
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,599
Argh!
111
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,559
Do you want me to put some MDF
over the front door, eh?
112
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,439
Stop strange men getting in?
113
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,839
Malcolm...
114
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,520
..we are the strange men.
115
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,839
Oh, my God, I am so tired.
116
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,239
Why?
117
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,719
Aren't you just supposed to
sleep when she sleeps?
118
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,839
Oh, yeah.
119
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,599
I'll just curl up
in a ball here, shall I?
120
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,279
Right, why doesn't Mum help you
with the baby?
121
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,839
The baby has a name.
122
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,679
Yeah.
123
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,720
- Brenda.
- Fuck's sake.
124
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,999
Right so...
125
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,519
..don't take this the wrong way,
126
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,479
but, Gemma, you look like shit.
127
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,999
- Me?
- Yeah.
128
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,959
- Yeah, you've got grillz.
- Yeah.
129
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,399
How did you even get grillz?
130
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,719
SHE SUCKS LOUDLY
131
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,839
I made it out of
a Bakewell tart tray.
132
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,999
I've got my own little accessories
side hustle in here.
133
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,359
It's like Etsy but with
knuckle dusters.
134
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,080
It's good to have career goals.
135
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,520
- Hey!
- Ow!
136
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,519
BABY CRIES
137
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,200
Fuck's sake, Gemma.
You've woke up Brenda.
138
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,679
Oh. The wanderer finally returns.
139
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,479
Oh, there we go.
140
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,519
How's your downstairs doing?
141
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,439
Yeah, my downstairs is fine, Rita.
142
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,559
I had a C-section.
143
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,199
Well, how's your upstairs doing?
144
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,239
Oh, still tender.
145
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,399
Oh, wait till you get to my age.
146
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,079
Everything's tender.
147
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,439
Upstairs, downstairs,
front and back.
148
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,599
Well, you need to be very careful,
Gemma,
149
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,679
cos one of my ladies who had
a Caesarean,
150
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,359
well, baby couldn't have been more
than a fortnight old
151
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,719
when she saw that picture of a cat
who looks like Phil Foden,
152
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,479
and laughed so hard the scar just
tore open and her innards fell out.
153
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,919
- Splat, right onto her thighs.
- Oh!
154
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,170
She had to take herself off to A&E
carrying her bits in a Tesco bag.
155
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,479
Thanks, but I think I'm past
the "innards in a shopping bag"
156
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,999
phase now.
157
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,719
SHE YAWNS
158
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,079
Oh, are you very tired?
159
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,359
Yeah.
160
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,319
I've not had more than two hours'
continuous sleep
161
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,599
since Sadie was born.
162
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,599
I thought your mum'd moved in?
163
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,639
Yeah, she has.
164
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,839
She was great at first,
although that might've been
165
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,719
the painkillers. Now, three months
later, I'm not so into it.
166
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,199
And, ah...
167
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,959
..what's Malcolm been up to?
168
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,919
He's too scared to come over
while Mum's there,
169
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,559
so I've not seen much of him.
170
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,399
Rita, what's this?
171
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,879
Well, speaking of your father,
these are my new erotic mugs, Gemma.
172
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,679
This is a sexy man's chest
173
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:08,999
with a willy for the handle.
174
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,519
These make no sense anatomically.
175
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,839
Why's he got a giant-sized penis
coming out of his ribcage?
176
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,959
I'm trying to become one of those
places hen parties go to.
177
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,439
You know, nails, brows, cocks.
178
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,330
Rita, you don't know the first
thing about nails or brows.
179
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,999
I do know about cocks, though.
180
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,559
That was the implication.
181
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,879
I bet you've been around a few
cocks, haven't you, Winnie?
182
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,399
Oh, it brings back memories,
this, Rita.
183
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,880
Winnie, you mucky bitch!
184
00:07:34,881 --> 00:07:39,999
Erm, would you judge a man for
wearing pink deodorant?
185
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,240
Probably.
186
00:07:43,911 --> 00:07:45,999
Oh, shit!
187
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,239
Dad?
188
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,479
Are you hiding?
189
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,919
Is your mother with you?
190
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:50,999
No.
191
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,999
Well, then I'm not hiding, am I?
192
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,679
Oh, God.
193
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,759
Oh, God, she's grown up so much,
hasn't she?
194
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,719
Look at her. She massive!
195
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,079
Grandad's little beefcake,
aren't you?
196
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,119
I think she misses you.
197
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,840
Oh, I miss her as well!
198
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,439
Jesus. You all right, love?
You look knackered.
199
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,799
Are you getting enough sleep?
200
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,479
Yeah. Just a rough night.
201
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,880
Right.
202
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,639
How's the sad man bedsit?
203
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:16,799
Eh? Yeah, great. Yeah.
204
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,239
- I love it there, yeah.
- Mm-hm. Back in your old room?
205
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,879
Yeah, well, almost. You know?
206
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,230
Definitely within spitting
distance anyway.
207
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,679
How are things with your mum?
208
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,599
It's great she's there, innit?
209
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,319
- Yeah.
- Mm.
210
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,919
Would you judge a man for wearing
pink deodorant?
211
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,239
I don't think it's pink
when you put it on.
212
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,399
HE CHUCKLES
213
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,720
How do now? How do?
214
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,520
Grab me one of those, actually.
215
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:48,879
PHONE ALERT
216
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,959
Christ, Gemma, your mum still
being a nightmare?
217
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,799
Tell you what, I'm coming over.
218
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,520
You jump in the shower.
I'll get Sadie off to sleep.
219
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,599
Oh, I'm not being funny, babe,
220
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,039
but I'm not going through your
laundry and your dirty knickers.
221
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,359
Spare sheets?
222
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,439
WHISPERING: Mum's room,
but I'm not allowed in there.
223
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:06,719
She said, very firmly,
I was not to go in there.
224
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,650
- We are definitely going in there.
- OK.
225
00:09:13,441 --> 00:09:16,559
What do you think she's hiding?
226
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:17,759
God knows.
227
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,359
But if you see a man holding
sausages,
228
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,759
promise me you won't scream.
229
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,080
What the fuck?
230
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,599
Oh, my God!
231
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,079
What a bougee bitch!
232
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,519
She's punishing me, isn't she?
233
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,959
For being a dick
when I was a newborn.
234
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,039
Oh, she's waited 25 years
and this is her revenge.
235
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,760
DOOR BUZZES
236
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,759
No!
237
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,559
I'll get it, and whoever it is
I'll tell them to fuck off.
238
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,670
You just lie down
and get some rest, yeah?
239
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,279
- Xand...
- Hi, is, ah... - Hey.
240
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,199
- Is Gemma in?
- Ah, yeah.
241
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,640
No, not now!
242
00:09:52,641 --> 00:09:56,799
I didn't want to keep messaging
so I finally just came over.
243
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,079
I've got presents!
244
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,640
For you and for Sadie.
245
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,079
Ah, Xand, mate,
246
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,839
Sadie's having a nap.
247
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,439
I wasn't expecting her to give me
a catwalk or anything.
248
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,560
Oh...
249
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,039
Oh.
250
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,999
Y-y-you want... You want
me to leave?
251
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,399
Well, it's the only time that
I can actually get some sleep.
252
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,639
- I mean, look at the state of her.
- Fuck off!
253
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,039
Well, erm...
254
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,839
Thank you. Another time?
255
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,199
Erm, another time.
256
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,599
Sure.
257
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:26,760
Soz.
258
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:39,919
So how are we going to get
rid of your ex?
259
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,279
Well, do we have to?
260
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,319
I mean, you know, I think Gemma
like's having her mum around, so...
261
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,479
Aw! I don't give a fuck.
262
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,600
I need you off that landing before
there's a mutiny, Malcolm.
263
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,680
We could...
264
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,919
No, you'd never go for it.
265
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:55,970
What?
266
00:10:55,971 --> 00:10:59,279
We could Inform MI6 that
Davina's been grooming kids
267
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,760
into joining Al-Qaeda.
268
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,080
No!
269
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,359
- No.
- No, no. I didn't think you'd go for it.
270
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,079
I did come up with some other ideas
when I was on the bog.
271
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,359
You know, if I did move back in
with Gemma, it would be best
272
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,599
if it didn't seem to be my idea,
you know?
273
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,120
Spoken like a true soy boy.
274
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,680
Nice job.
275
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,040
Wait, how do we get in now?
276
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,679
It's like a cat flap.
But for fellas.
277
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,519
That is...
278
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,119
..absolutely fucking genius!
279
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,199
Ha-ha.
280
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,799
- Shall I go in...?
- After you.
281
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,279
- OK. The maiden voyage!
- Yeah.
282
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,720
Meow!
283
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,479
You know what doesn't need
sterilising?
284
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,279
- Tits?
- Tits.
285
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,959
Yeah. Well, she gets plenty
of breast milk.
286
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,399
I just use formula sometimes
cos it helps me out.
287
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,559
Oh.
288
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,519
It's all about her, in't it?
289
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,519
Selfish Mummy. Baby wants nipnip.
290
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,919
I absolutely destroyed my breasts
for you and Catherine.
291
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,919
It's only right and fair
you do the same.
292
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,679
God, Mum, you must be desperate
to get back out there,
293
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,599
see the world, more of it.
294
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,519
New bits of it.
295
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,279
I'm not going anywhere, Gemma.
You need me.
296
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,119
- SQUELCHING
- Oh! Oh, God, that is a smelly one.
297
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,639
OK, well, can you change her?
Cos I've got to finish this.
298
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,799
Sorry, love, I can't.
I'm off for a bikini wax.
299
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:24,999
Full Hollywood.
300
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,039
Do you know, I never used to bother,
but it's expected these days.
301
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,359
I had a dalliance with a 28-year-old
and he shrieked
302
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:31,959
when he saw my thatch.
303
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,999
- Oh, my God...
- Used to be different, of course.
304
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,679
When I had Catherine,
the midwives told me to keep it
305
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,759
as full as possible, you know,
to clean her on the way out,
306
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:40,799
like those, erm...
307
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,839
Like those big brushes
at the car wash.
308
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,159
Is that what they told you?
309
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,679
Do you know, it never once
got brought up.
310
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,919
And I won't be home for dinner.
311
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,479
But it's your turn to cook!
312
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,079
But I have got you some SlimFast,
so you can make a start on
313
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,679
shifting that baby weight.
314
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:58,639
My cousin was 8st one month after
giving birth.
315
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,599
Because she was in a coma!
316
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,799
I know. Intensive care did wonders
for her waistline.
317
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,239
I was quite jealous.
318
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,359
Love yer!
319
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,760
Love yer.
320
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,960
Hey, baby.
321
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,839
Should we kill Nana?
322
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,039
Yeah?
323
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,160
Yeah?
324
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,320
Should we kill Nana?
325
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,719
Or should we kill Mummy instead?
326
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:31,079
Oh... What if Gemma doesn't want me
to move back in with her?
327
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,439
Dad?
328
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,479
- Gemma?
- I can't take living with Mum any more.
329
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,759
How do I get in?
330
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:36,959
Use the flap.
331
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,159
Use the flap!
332
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,599
Don't be ridiculous.
333
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,079
All right. Come round the back.
334
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,760
But don't tell anyone
there's a door there!
335
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,320
That's my door.
336
00:13:47,971 --> 00:13:52,039
- HE WHISPERS:
- Go round the back. The back.
337
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,360
Round the back.
338
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,719
Whoa!
339
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,439
Is this where you've been staying?
340
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,639
Eh? No, I've got an airbed
on the landing.
341
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,359
My personal private space is
very important to me,
342
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,079
especially at night.
343
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,039
Mm-hm. Why's that?
344
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,479
He plays Minecraft.
345
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,959
- UNDER HIS BREATH:
- Shut the fuck up.
346
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:17,079
So, what is on the list of ways
to get rid of Davina?
347
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,639
Well, ah, she's allergic
to tomatoes.
348
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:24,879
OK, good. So we make her something
with tomatoes...
349
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,559
Erm, a soup, perhaps.
350
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,439
Then she ends up unconscious,
so we gaslight her
351
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,679
into thinking that she never even
lived at Gemma's
352
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,079
and it was a dream all along.
353
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,959
Eh, yeah, but it's only
a mild allergy,
354
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,039
just makes her tongue itch.
355
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:38,319
Oh, for fuck's sake.
356
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,679
- She's also allergic to horses.
- Oh, yeah!
357
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,399
Excellent. OK, I can work with that.
358
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,079
Do you mean eating
or hanging out with?
359
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,359
Hanging out with.
360
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,679
Great. So here's what we do.
361
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,999
We, erm, fill the flat
with horses.
362
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,239
Erm... Three horses.
363
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,719
Four horses?
364
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,919
No. OK. Different tack.
365
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,839
Ah, what is she afraid of?
366
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,039
Love.
367
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,359
Emotional intimacy.
368
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,199
Yeah. Brian?
369
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,640
Yeah, it's Deggsy, mate.
370
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,599
- Yeah, yeah, I know...
- I think I've got an idea.
371
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,439
Oh, yeah?
372
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,919
Well, come on, then.
What you thinking?
373
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,479
- OK.
- The state of this place...
374
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:18,679
So...
375
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:22,759
..the only thing in the world
that my mother is afraid of
376
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,520
is getting back together with Dad.
377
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,879
Yeah.
378
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,919
Which is why he's going to
propose to her.
379
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,119
Propose what?
380
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,639
Propose marriage.
381
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,199
No way!
382
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,759
Oh, God. How much sleep did you
get last night?
383
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,039
All in one go? 37 minutes.
384
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,199
And I feel pretty fucking amazing,
actually.
385
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,439
This is a good idea.
386
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,839
OK? This is a GOOD idea.
387
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,399
I mean, has anyone got
a better idea?
388
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,879
No, no, no, it is a great idea,
love.
389
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,999
- It's a great...
- Thank you. - ..idea.
390
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,439
Well, it's the only idea we've got,
so let's go with it.
391
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:50,839
Thank you. Derek!
392
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,319
God, I knew you'd have faith in me.
393
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,799
All right, don't overdo it.
Has she seen her GP recently?
394
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,079
I can't do it.
395
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,479
I need you off my landing, Malcolm.
396
00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,639
And I need her out.
397
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,200
Come on!
398
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,199
MALCOLM WHIMPERS
399
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,400
- Come on.
- Come on!
400
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,839
I don't want to do this!
401
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,199
Oh, fuck's sake.
402
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,159
What about those horse?
Are they still available?
403
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,679
Sure, you can bail, Malcolm.
404
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,039
But the guys did mention suffocating
you in your sleep again,
405
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,079
so it's up to you, I guess.
406
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,839
Dad, she needs to go, remember?
407
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,519
All right, I'll, ah...
408
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,479
I'll give it a go.
409
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,000
- OK.
- OK.
410
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,600
I'll be listening.
411
00:16:29,601 --> 00:16:33,679
This is going to be a disaster.
You know that?
412
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,039
MALCOLM INHALES DEEPLY
413
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,559
Bit of a mess in here, Gemma,
isn't it?
414
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,040
Don't you fucking dare.
415
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,320
Ah...
416
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,239
Malcolm.
417
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,279
Davina.
418
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,519
You look, erm...
419
00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,959
..canny.
420
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,919
Come on, Dad!
421
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,400
Why are you here?
422
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,119
Well, I, ah...
423
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,399
Would you like a glass of water?
424
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,839
No.
425
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,000
Yes, me too.
426
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,920
HE GULPS
427
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,919
Erm, right.
428
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,159
Having you back in our lives
the last three months...
429
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,519
Gemma's life. I've barely seen you.
430
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,200
Been hiding at Casa Loser?
431
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,999
It's, ah...
432
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,400
Well, it's made me realise...
433
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,959
For God's sake, spit it out,
Malcolm.
434
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,719
..the hole that you left.
435
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,119
Hole. Hm-hm.
436
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,159
Mm-hm.
437
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,960
And I'd like us to, erm...
438
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,399
..rekindle our relationship.
439
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,119
You what?
440
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,319
Oh.
441
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,239
I thought you were going to ask me
for the money back from the house sale.
442
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,159
No. Oh, but can I have
that money back?
443
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,800
- No.
- Oh.
444
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,359
Well, ah... Erm...
445
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,040
I, ah...
446
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,039
HE GULPS
447
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,759
Whatever I said...
448
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,040
..wh-whatever I did, you know.
449
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,159
I didn't mean it.
450
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,279
It's Barlow. He's gone Barlow.
451
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,639
I...just want you back for good?
452
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,759
Oh. Gemma!
453
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:19,920
Shit!
454
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,039
What's going on?
455
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,999
- Dad wants you back!
- Does he?
456
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,599
Yeah!
457
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,159
Yeah. Definitely back for good,
yeah.
458
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,960
Do you?
459
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,959
MALCOLM GASPS
460
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,759
Right, well, I don't want him back.
461
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,399
Mum, it's so cute. He says
he's madly in love with you and that
462
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:42,079
he will not leave this house
until you agree to remarry him.
463
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,439
Did you?
464
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,799
I might've done, I don't know...
465
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,399
Such a fucking soy boy!
466
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,959
I am swept away by the romance,
Malcolm.
467
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,999
Oh, go on, you lot, clear out.
468
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,919
I've got Sausage Man
coming round in a bit.
469
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,110
- Right, we did our best, didn't we?
- Did she say "Sausage Man"?
470
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,080
OK, Mum, how about this?
471
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,999
Will you please get
the fuck out of my home!
472
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,319
Oh, fucking hell.
473
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,479
Yeah.
474
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,319
I mean, I love you, but
if you don't go,
475
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,039
I'm going to chuck myself
out that window.
476
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,999
- Aren't we on the ground floor?
- Shut up.
477
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,879
It's the Sausage Men,
the late nights, the SlimFast,
478
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,559
the eating my biscuits...
479
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,759
Oh, I know you do cos
I've seen you take them. OK?
480
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,279
You're driving me insane.
481
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,359
Either you go or
me and Sadie will,
482
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:28,670
and it's my name on the lease -
that'll be really fucking annoying.
483
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,720
This isn't working out for me,
Gemma.
484
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,479
I'm sorry but I think
it's time for me to leave.
485
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,680
What the fuck?
486
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,159
I literally just said that.
487
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,479
I can't stay here forever,
much as you'd like me to.
488
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,640
The world is calling me back to it.
489
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,560
You understand, don't you, love?
490
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,480
Yeah.
491
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,399
I don't understand.
492
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,720
Me neither, mate.
493
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,190
The first few weeks of having Sadie,
I couldn't have coped without you.
494
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,560
Tell Malcolm he can keep
the candles.
495
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,479
I do have one tiny bit of advice.
496
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,520
This first year is a very
precious time, Gemma.
497
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,759
Work out what it is what you want,
498
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,319
and start reaching for it before
you go back to work.
499
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,879
Because once the grind starts -
500
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,320
work, baby, life...
501
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,920
..you'll be trapped.
502
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,919
CAR HORN BEEPS
503
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,159
Right, your taxi's here.
504
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:41,599
And before you know it,
505
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,039
you'll have spent 20 years
living with your father.
506
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,799
That's the mistake I made,
507
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,039
and I wouldn't wish it
on my worst enemy.
508
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,199
OK.
509
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,280
Thanks.
510
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,040
Good luck, love.
511
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,360
DOOR CLOSES
512
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,799
Here you are. There you go.
513
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,999
Fresh sheets, eh?
514
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,840
I've just put a clothes wash on.
515
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,399
And I was thinking,
the next couple of nights
516
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,159
I can do her feeds for you,
517
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,919
and you can get some sleep.
518
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,320
Thank you.
519
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,559
I'm so glad to be back, love.
520
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,119
I've missed you so much,
missed both of you.
521
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,480
We've missed you.
522
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:44,640
And I want you to know that
I will never, ever leave you again.
523
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,720
Not until that one goes
to university, anyway.
524
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,600
You rest now, eh?
525
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,840
Oh, hey, there's a pork pie
in here!
526
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,600
I'm on maternity leave!
527
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,599
PHONE RINGING
528
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,959
I'm not asking you to pick it up
with your fanny - please!
529
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,959
He's a creep who charges 15 quid
to sing at babies.
530
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,599
And takes his top off!
531
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:16,679
DOG SQUEALS
532
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,159
There's a dog in here,
there's a massive dog in here!
533
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,439
Hook, elbow, punch!
534
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,759
My boobs are about to explode.
535
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:22,799
Are they fake?
536
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,799
No, you bell end -
they're full of milk!
537
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,199
Dad's booked us a holiday, though.
538
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,639
I bet it's the caravan park.
539
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,639
It won't be the caravan park.
540
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,359
The holiday's a disaster.
541
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,319
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
542
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,039
I thought maybe you'd want space.
543
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,079
What I actually wanted was
some very large sanitary pads.
544
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,199
We're totally fucking lost,
and Malcom is missing a boot!
545
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,239
Yeah, well, I had to throw something
to distract that bull, didn't I?!
546
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,239
I want to provide a better
life for my baby.
547
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,559
Whoa... It's fucking its eggs
down my throat!
548
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,599
Woo!
549
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,919
I have been dabbling with
better-paid other employment.
550
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,439
Why do you even want this job?
551
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:54,879
Because I love marketing.
552
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,159
Nobody loves marketing.
553
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,209
Congratulations, Gemma.
You've just joined the rat race.
554
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:02,760
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38809
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof