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>> Taylor: I'M TAYLOR
TOMLINSON AND THIS IS "AFTER
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MIDNIGHT".
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THE LATE NIGHT GAME SHOW
THAT TAKES OFF ITS GLASSES
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00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:15,860
AND MAKES YOU GO, "WHOA...
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00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,890
SHE WAS HOT THE WHOLE TIME."
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00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,550
LET'S MEET TONIGHT'S
PANELISTS!
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SHE'S A STAND-UP COMEDIAN
YOU CAN SEE LIVE AT THE
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00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,100
LINCOLN THEATRE IN
WASHINGTON, DC ON MAY 17,
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IT'S JESSICA KIRSON!
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> HI.
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I AM JESSICA, I CAN BARELY
GET OUT OF BED, AND I JUST
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00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:41,030
ATE SIX DOUGHNUTS.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I
KNOW.
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I'M JUST KIDDING, 86.
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>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] YOU CAN
HEAR HER ON HER PODCAST,
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00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,060
"STEPH INFECTION," AND SEE
ON HER "FILTH QUEEN TOUR"
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00:00:55,170 --> 00:01:00,820
NOW, IT'S COMEDIAN STEPH
TOLEV!
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> I'M
DISGUSTING.
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IT'S ME, BULK AREAS IT'S ME,
BULK AR BULGARIA'S OWN STEPH
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TOLEV.
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DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I
LEFT MY BAG OF BLOOD?
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I LEFT BLOOD SOMEWHERE AND I
CAN'T FIND IT.
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CHECK UNDER YOUR SEATS!
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>> Taylor: HE'S A COMEDIAN
AND ACTOR YOU CAN SEE TAPING
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HIS LATEST SPECIAL AT
LINCOLN HALL IN CHICAGO ON
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MAY 31ST, IT'S EDDIE
PEPITONE!
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >>
THANK YOU!
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IT'S AN HONOR TO BE HERE ON
NETWORK TV!
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MY TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC!
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HELLO TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE
DIED IN FRONT OF THEIR
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TELEVISION!
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >>
Taylor: OH, FINALLY SOMEONE
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SAID IT.
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OKAY PANELISTS, TONIGHT
YOU'LL ALL BE PLAYING FOR...
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00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:08,310
THE BATHROOM KEY FOR A LOCAL
GAS STATION!
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[APPLAUSE] THEY MAKE IT SO
BIG SO YOU DON'T STEAL IT,
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BUT THEY CAN'T TELL ME WHAT
TO DO!
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WIN, AND THE GAS STATION
BATHROOM ON MELROSE IS ALL
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YOURS.
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YOURS.
BEFORE WE GET STARTED:
WHAT'S YOUR GOAL HERE
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BEFORE WE GET STARTED:
WHAT'S YOUR GOAL HERE
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TONIGHT?
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JESSICA?
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>> TO HAVE FUN AND GET LAID.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] OKAY.
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OKAY.
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>> Taylor: HOW ABOUT YOU,
STEPH?
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>> I FINALLY MET MY REAL
PARENTS ON LIVE TV, SO...
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >>
[BLEEP]!
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>> WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
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I DON'T KNOW.
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>> Taylor: HOW ABOUT YOU,
EDDIE?
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>> I WANT TO MAKE ENOUGH
MONEY ON THE SHOW TONIGHT TO
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00:02:59,030 --> 00:03:02,890
PAY FOR A NEW POLYURETHANE
HEART.
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00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:07,310
>> Taylor: HOW MUCH DO THOSE
COST?
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>> A LOT.
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AND I ALSO WANT TO MAKE
PEOPLE WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN
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ME BELIEVE IN ME.
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AND NO ONE WHO I HAVE MET
BELIEVES IN ME.
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NO ONE.
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>> I BELIEVE IN YOU.
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>> EDDIE!
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>> YES?
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00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:32,000
>> ARE YOU DOING CROWD WORK
RIGHT NOW?
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>> I HEAR THINGS.
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I HEAR THINGS.
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>> Taylor: OH, MAN.
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OKAY.
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I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT
GETTING THROUGH THE SHOW.
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SORRY, WE ARE PROFESSIONAL.
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LET'S START WITH THE "GROUP
CHAT!"
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THESE
DAYS, EVERYTHING GETS CAUGHT
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UP IN THE CULTURE WARS.
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PEOPLE POLITICIZE
EVERYTHING: MOVIES, BOOKS,
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EVEN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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>> WHAT DO YOU CALL THESE?
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>> FRUITY PEBBLES.
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00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,930
>> WHAT ARE THEY?
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>> FRUITY PEBBLES.
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>> Taylor: YOU HEARD IT HERE
FIRST, FOLKS.
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FRUITY PEBBLES IS PART OF
THE GAY AGENDA.
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INFORMATION IS PART OF A
BALANCED BREAKFAST!
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SO WHAT ARE SOME OTHER
POLITICIZED MESSAGES HIDDEN
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IN CEREAL?
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>> CAPTAIN CRUNCH IS
PROMOTING THE
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00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:31,370
MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.
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00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,370
HE TRAFFIC WEAPONS TO COUNT
CHOWCHILLA.
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THAT'S RIGHT.
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LOOK IT UP.
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>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] JESSICA.
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>> THE TRIX RABBIT IS A DRAG
QUEEN.
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THAT'S WHY THEY ARE FOR
KIDS!
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>> Taylor: STEPH.
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>> TOUCAN SAM IS FUNDED BY
GEORGE SOROS AND MY HIGH
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SCHOOL BULLIES.
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TAKE A PEEK.
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>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] OKAY NOT
TO BE BLEAK, BUT SOMETIMES
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PEOPLE DIE.
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00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:15,930
NOT ME, THOUGH.
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00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:17,100
CBS WOULD NEVER LET THAT
HAPPEN.
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00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:17,650
BUT NOW, SNAPCHAT HAS MADE
IT POSSIBLE TO TALK TO THE
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DEAD...
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SORT OF.
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THANKS TO NEW CHAT
GPT-POWERED TECHNOLOGY,
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USERS CAN QUOTE, "RECREATE
THE LIKENESS OF, AND
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COMMUNICATE WITH, THE DEAD."
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I'D SHOW YOU A VIDEO OF THIS
BUT IT'S SO SAD.
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ALSO, THE ONE GOOD THING
ABOUT DYING IS YOU DON'T
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HAVE TO TALK TO FAMILY ON
THE PHONE ANYMORE.
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[LAUGHTER] AS A DEAD PERSON,
MAKE AN EXCUSE TO GET OFF
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THE PHONE!
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EDDIE.
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>> SORRY, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT
NOW, I AM BEING REINCARNATED
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AS A WOLF WITH NO MOUTH.
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AS KARMIC PUNISHMENT, I HAVE
DONE UNSPEAKABLE THINGS,
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TAYLOR!
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>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] JESSICA.
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>> SORRY CAN'T TALK, THE 72
VIRGINS ARE HORNY.
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>> Taylor: OH, MY GOD, THE
TONGUE.
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>> SO SLIPPERY AND NICE.
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>> MY TONGUE IS LIKE A FLAG
IN A WINDSTORM.
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>> Taylor: I COULD NOT FIND
THE WORDS FOR IT.
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THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.
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>> I AM TURNED ON.
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>> Taylor: MY GOODNESS.
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STEPH.
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>> I'M SORRY YOU HAVE AN MY
GREAT GRANDMA GRANDFATHER
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RIGHT NOW, AND I AM SORRY
THAT I HAVE WATCHED SO MUCH
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00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:46,650
PORN OKAY, GRANDPA, LEAVE ME
ALONE.
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00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,510
>> Taylor: GUYS, WHEN YOU'RE
TEXTING A GIRL YOU'RE
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DATING, YOU'RE NOT JUST
TEXTING HER, YOU'RE ALSO
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TEXTING A ROOM FULL OF HER
FRIENDS.
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THEY'RE ANALYZING WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING, CREATING A
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PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE OF
YOU, AND CRAFTING THE LIKE
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00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:55,860
IN THIS TIKTOK.
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>> WHAT SHOULD I SAY BACK TO
HI >> WHAT SHOULD I SAY BACK
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TO H HIM?
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>> NOT MUCH, IT'S UP IN THE
AIR.
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00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:06,270
>> YEAH, WHAT ABOUT ALL OF
US?
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>> SO NERVOUS.
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>> LIKE IF YOU ARE LUCKY.
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>> Taylor: OH, MY GOD, THE
REACTION THAT GOT.
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SHE SAID THE WORD "LOVE!"
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WELL, THIS LOOKS FUN, SO AS
HER BRAINTRUST, TELL HER HOW
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SHE SHOULD RESPOND TO THE
TEXT MESSAGE: "WHAT ARE YOU
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DOING FRIDAY?"
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IN A WAY THAT MAKES HER SEEM
REALLY NORMAL.
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IT'S IMPRESSIVE.
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EDDIE.
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>> CAP'N CRUNCH IS PART OF
THE MILITARY -- OH SORRY,
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THAT'S NOT IT.
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THIS IS -- THAT WAS THE LAST
ANSWER.
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I'M SORRY.
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I SAID CONFUSED.
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BY THE WAY, ALL OF THE WOMEN
I DATE HAVE NO FRIENDS.
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THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN.
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00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:01,890
>> IT'S TRUE.
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00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,200
>> I PICKED UP THE ISOLATED
WOMEN.
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00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,510
>> THEY ARE NOT REAL, THEY
ARE MADE OUT.
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00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,860
>> THAT'S YOUR OPINION.
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>> I HAVE MET THEM!
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>> SO THIS IS MY ANSWER.
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I WOULD SAY "SORRY, I CAN'T
TALK NOW.
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I AM BEING REINCARNATED INTO
A WOLF -- >> Taylor: THIS IS
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THE DATING ONE.
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>> FRIDAY, BUT I AM SORRY
COME ON FRIDAYS I GOOGLE
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00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:41,000
"BLOOD SPLATTER."
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DO YOU KNOW IT CAN TRAVEL UP
TO 8 FEET?
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>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] >> WE
ARE CLAPPING AT THAT?
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REALLY?
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>> Taylor: IT WAS SUCH A
JOURNEY WE WENT ON.
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STEPH.
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>> FIRST OF ALL, ME AND MY
FRIENDS DON'T TALK ABOUT
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THAT AT ALL.
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WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT.
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I ASSUME YOU ARE THE SAME.
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00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,240
>> I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS.
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00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:15,170
>> MOM AND DAD TOGETHER
AGAIN!
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00:09:15,270 --> 00:09:17,820
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> YOU
WOULD BE SURPRISED!
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>> DO YOU HAVE A VAGINA?
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00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:25,170
>> YES.
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>> Taylor: THIS COULD BE A
CBS A SITCOM.
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>> THEY REALLY KISS!
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>> Taylor: WE ARE GOING TO
BE HERE TILL MIDNIGHT.
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00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:45,170
JESSICA.
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00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:49,000
>> I WOULD SAY "I AM SORRY,
I CAN'T.
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00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:56,680
I'M WATCHING SCHINDLER'S
LIST AND TRYING NOT TO
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00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,000
LAUGH."
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00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,550
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WAIT!
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00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:01,750
>> Taylor: THERE IS MORE?
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00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:05,310
>> I'M NOT ALLOWED -- I'M
ALLOWED TO SAY THAT, BECAUSE
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00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:05,960
I AM JEWISH.
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00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:07,650
>> Taylor: OH, MY GOSH.
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00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,960
I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO THE
TELEPROMPTER NOW.
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AND IT'S GOING TO FEEL
JARRING.
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00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,060
BUT HERE WE GO.
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00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:16,680
A PARTY CAN BE ANYTHING.
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00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,720
[LAUGHTER] I TOLD YOU!
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00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:19,480
A PARTY CAN BE ANYTHING.
200
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:26,480
60 PEOPLE IN A SWEATY
NIGHTCLUB, OR 32 TURTLES ON
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00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:27,650
A BRANCH.
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00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:29,480
THIS PICTURE FROM NEW YORK'S
PROSPECT PARK WENT VIRAL
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00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:32,410
THIS WEEK OF A BUNCH OF
TURTLES HANGING OUT ON A
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00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:33,130
LOG.
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00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:38,820
AM I WEIRD FOR HAVING FOMO?
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00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:44,240
I KNOW IT'S SO CUTE.
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00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:45,550
SO SINCE THIS IS THE NEWEST
EXCLUSIVE CLUB IN NEW YORK,
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00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:48,960
HOW WOULD YOU GET ON THE
LIST?
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00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:56,030
>> YOU BRING A REUSABLE
STRAW TO SNORT THE COCAINE.
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00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:58,750
AND THE TURTLES, AND THE
COCAINE.
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00:10:58,860 --> 00:10:59,480
>> Taylor: EDDIE.
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00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:03,930
>> GOT TO LOOK HOT AS HELL.
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00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:06,410
THAT'S HOW I GET INTO CLUBS.
214
00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:08,480
IT'S ALL ABOUT
ACCESSORIZING.
215
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:09,720
>> Taylor: JESSICA.
216
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:10,580
>> GET A RESERVATION 98 DAYS
IN ADVANCE SO YOU CAN GET
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00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,480
THERE ON TIME.
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00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,030
>> Taylor: GOOD TIP.
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00:11:14,130 --> 00:11:14,550
GOOD TIP.
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00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:15,000
>> THAT WAS CUTE.
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00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:17,860
IT WAS NICE.
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00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,310
>> SHE JUST CALLED MY JOKE
CUTE.
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00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:25,790
>> Taylor: MIND GAMES,
STARTING EARLY.
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00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:27,680
IF YOU LEARN ONE THING FROM
THIS SHOW, IT SHOULD BE
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00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,620
THIS: DON'T GET DRUNK AND
USE THE INTERNET.
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00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,170
IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL
YOU'VE SPENT $500 DOLLARS ON
227
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:38,340
MATCHING MINIONS NECKLACES.
228
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:44,510
FOR LETTING SOMEONE KNOW YOU
ARE THE "BA" TO YOUR "NANA."
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00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,820
BUT NOTHING TOPS THIS VIDEO
FROM TIKTOK USER "INSERT
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00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:49,200
JUICEBOX," CAPTIONED: "WHEN
MY MOM GOT DRUNK AND
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00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:52,580
ACCIDENTALLY LISTED MY
LITTLE BROTHER ON EBAY" WOW.
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00:11:52,680 --> 00:12:00,200
>> LET'S [BLEEP] GO!
233
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:03,480
>> Taylor: HOW IS THIS LAVA
LAMP LIKE A BABY?
234
00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:07,170
>> A DOCTOR HAS PULLED BOTH
OF THEM OUT OF ME.
235
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:09,340
>> Taylor: YOU ARE FUN!
236
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,170
YOU SEEM FUN.
237
00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:13,410
STEPH.
238
00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:16,440
>> I THINK IT ALREADY LOOKS
LIKE ONE OF THOSE DISGUSTING
239
00:12:16,550 --> 00:12:19,130
BLOBS INSIDE A LAVA LAMP.
240
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,480
NO OFFENSE TO THE MOTHER!
241
00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:25,680
>> Taylor: EDDIE.
242
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:27,960
>> FILLED WITH TOXIC PLASTIC
LIKE ALL OF US.
243
00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:34,820
I HAD TUPPERWARE REMOVED
FROM MY LOWER ABDOMEN.
244
00:12:34,930 --> 00:12:39,510
THANKS, MONSANTO.
245
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:42,960
>> Taylor: EDDIE AND STEPH
ARE TIED FOR FIRST PLACE
246
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,310
WITH 800 POINTS.
247
00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:47,440
AFTER THE BREAK, WE'LL BE
WEAPONIZING WORDPLAY WITH
248
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:47,930
"HASHTAG WARS!"
249
00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:50,580
STICK AROUND!
250
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:58,820
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ >>
KYLIE JENNER, TAYLOR SWIFT.
251
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:01,720
ARIANNA GRANDE!
252
00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:04,370
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >>
Taylor: WANT MORE?
253
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,750
FOLLOW "AFTER MIDNIGHT" ON
INSTAGRAM.
254
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,750
♪ >> Taylor: WELCOME BACK
TO "AFTER MIDNIGHT"!
255
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:18,960
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, THIS IS
WHAT TALKING SOUNDS LIKE.
256
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:26,370
DON'T BELIEVE ME, IT'S TIME
FOR THE TALK SHOW PORTION!
257
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:31,100
JESSICA, RANK THE FOLLOWING:
RED, WHITE, AND BLUE.
258
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:37,860
>> I THINK RED IS MY LEAST
FAVORITE, BECAUSE I AM
259
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,510
ENRAGED.
260
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:51,200
>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] >> BLUE
COME SECOND, BECAUSE I'M SO
261
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,620
SAD.
262
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,820
>> Taylor: SO WHITE IS
NUMBER ONE?
263
00:13:56,930 --> 00:14:01,860
>> WHITE IS NUMBER ONE,
BECAUSE COCAINE ALMOST
264
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,340
RUINED MY LIFE.
265
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:08,100
[APPLAUSE] >> I HAVE A STRAW
FOR YOU IF YOU NEED IT.
266
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:13,650
>> Taylor: THAT WAS A GREAT
CALL BACK.
267
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:16,790
>> ONLY I >> ONLY I HAVE
GOOD CALLBACKS.
268
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:23,000
>> DAMN IT.
269
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:26,480
>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] STEPH,
WHAT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU
270
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:29,890
WANNA EAT BUT PEOPLE AREN'T
SUPPOSED TO?
271
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,930
>> I'M GOING TO SAY CUTOFF
DENIM SHORTS BECAUSE THEY
272
00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:35,480
KIND OF LOOK LIKE A JERKY.
273
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:43,060
REALLY CRISPY.
274
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:46,170
>> Taylor: EDDIE, WE DO HAVE
A QUESTION FOR YOU.
275
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:48,720
WE ALL KNOW WHERE BABIES
COME FROM, BUT WHERE DO YOU
276
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:52,480
THINK BABIES SHOULD COME
FROM?
277
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:59,440
>> BABIES SHOULD BE MADE IN
AMERICA AND AMERICAN
278
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,370
FACTORIES BY AMERICAN
WORKERS!
279
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,130
USA!
280
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,170
USA!
281
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:07,580
USA!
282
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,820
WHERE AM I?
283
00:15:09,930 --> 00:15:17,130
>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] OH, MAN.
284
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:21,130
AND FINAL QUESTION FOR
EVERYONE, SOUP, SALAD, OR
285
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,060
BREADSTICKS?
286
00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:24,270
YOU CAN ONLY PICK ONE.
287
00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:28,720
>> BREADSTICKS, BUT NOT
ORALLY.
288
00:15:28,820 --> 00:15:32,340
>> I WANT TO SAY
BREADSTICKS, BUT LEGALLY AS
289
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:40,510
A WOMAN LIVING IN LOS
ANGELES, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT.
290
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:42,650
SO I WILL EAT THEM IN
PRIVATE.
291
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:45,410
>> Taylor: YOU ORDER THE
SALAD.
292
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:46,930
HOW ABOUT YOU, EDDIE?
293
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,680
>> I WILL GO A SPAGHETTI.
294
00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:51,240
>> THIS IS GREAT,
BREADSTICKS.
295
00:15:51,340 --> 00:15:56,790
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING, EDDIE?
296
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,440
>> ARE YOU RECAPPING THE
GAME?
297
00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:07,930
>> I AM TRYING TO DO A CALL
BACK, BITCH!
298
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:12,930
>> I KNOW THE BUSINESS!
299
00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:14,000
[BUZZER] >> Taylor: THERE IT
IS.
300
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,370
THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME
FOR "HASHTAG WARS!"
301
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,240
MOTHER'S DAY IS THIS
WEEKEND, A DAY WHEN MOMS
302
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:24,030
FINALLY GET THE GRATITUDE
AND RECOGNITION THEY
303
00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:29,550
DESERVE.
304
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:33,680
JUST KIDDING, THEY GET
[BLEEP] MACARONI ART.
305
00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:34,680
IT DOES SUCK, YOU ARE RIGHT.
306
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,130
JOSH, GO BACK IN YOUR ROOM
AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL
307
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,620
YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT
DOESN'T BRING SHAME TO THIS
308
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:38,200
FAMILY.
309
00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:39,340
IN HONOR OF MOMS EVERYWHERE,
OUR HASHTAG TONIGHT IS
310
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,860
HASHTAG #MomSongs.
311
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,030
FOR EXAMPLE, "DROP IT!
312
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:51,340
LIKE IT'S HOT," AND "GILMORE
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN."
313
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,170
I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS
ON THE CLOCK AND YOU'LL BUZZ
314
00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:54,310
IN WITH AS MANY JOKES AS YOU
CAN THAT FIT TONIGHT'S
315
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:54,620
TOPIC.
316
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:59,100
GO!
317
00:16:59,200 --> 00:16:59,650
STEPH.
318
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:03,030
>> DOWN WITH THE MORNING
SICKNESS.
319
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:03,510
>> Taylor: NICE.
320
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:04,130
JESSICA.
321
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,650
>> BABY GOT BACK FAT.
322
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:08,370
>> Taylor: EDDIE.
323
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:13,440
>> BITCH BETTER BE MY MOMMY.
324
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:17,510
>> MY MOM WILL COME OUT
TOMORROW.
325
00:17:17,610 --> 00:17:18,720
>> Taylor: EDDIE.
326
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:21,000
>> MY NECK, MY BACK, WOULD
ANY OF YOU KIDS LIKE SOME
327
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,030
SNACKS.
328
00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:23,130
>> Taylor: JESSICA.
329
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,170
>> SMELLS LIKE TEEN HITS.
330
00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:32,000
>> TAKE MY BREAST MILK AWAY.
331
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:36,100
>> MOMMY ESPRESSO.
332
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,370
>> PARTY IN THE USA.
333
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:42,310
>> I WANT TO DANCE WITH
SOMEONE, JUST NOT YOUR
334
00:17:42,410 --> 00:17:43,890
FATHER.
335
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,480
>> ME HIT BABY ONE MORE
TIME.
336
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:47,510
>> Taylor: EDDIE.
337
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:50,240
>> THANK YOU AMY FOR
BABYSITTING.
338
00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:54,650
I REALLY NEEDED A NIGHT OUT.
339
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:59,650
>> Taylor: JESSICA IS IN THE
LEAD WITH 1900 POINTS!
340
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,440
PLAY ALONG WITH YOUR OWN
#MomSongs ON THE "AFTER
341
00:18:01,550 --> 00:18:02,550
MIDNIGHT" SOCIAL CHANNELS!
342
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:03,720
OUR FAVORITE WILL BE
FEATURED ON TOMORROW'S SHOW!
343
00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:06,790
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE
GONNA DIVE INTO AN INTERNET
344
00:18:06,890 --> 00:18:08,270
RABBIT HOLE AND HOPEFULLY
NOT COME OUT RADICALIZED.
345
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,790
STAY TUNED!
346
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,680
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ >>
Taylor: WELCOME BACK TO
347
00:18:28,790 --> 00:18:29,650
"AFTER MIDNIGHT"!
348
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:30,860
WE'RE HERE WITH JESSICA
KIRSON, STEPH TOLEV, AND
349
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,000
EDDIE PEPITONE!
350
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,580
THE INTERNET IS FULL OF
RABBIT HOLES TO FALL DOWN.
351
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,240
FOR EXAMPLE, I LOST A WHOLE
AFTERNOON WATCHING TIKTOKKER
352
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:42,930
KATELYN SHOWALTER RENOVATE
HER DAUGHTER'S DOLLHOUSE.
353
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:45,930
>> ABOUT THIS DOLL HOUSE FOR
MY DAUGHTER FIVE YEARS AGO,
354
00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:49,890
AND TRY TO MAKE IT OVER, AND
I DID MAKE TO THE INTERIOR.
355
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,790
I ALMOST GAVE AWAY THE STALL
HOUSE, BECAUSE MY GIRLS
356
00:18:52,890 --> 00:18:56,060
WEREN'T PLAYING WITH IT, BUT
LO AND BEHOLD, MY PATIENCE
357
00:18:56,170 --> 00:19:02,310
PAID OFF AND NOW MY YOUNGEST
DAUGHTER IS REALLY INTO IT.
358
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:10,060
>> Taylor: IN L.A., THAT
PLACE IS 1.2 MILLION.
359
00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:13,580
ALSO THIS VIDEO WAS NOT ON
MY FY P, BUT IT [BLEEP]
360
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,030
FEELS LIKE IT WAS.
361
00:19:18,130 --> 00:19:20,170
WE'RE GONNA GET A GLIMPSE
INTO WHAT RABBIT HOLES OUR
362
00:19:20,270 --> 00:19:21,440
PANELISTS HAVE FALLEN DOWN
IN OUR NEXT GAME.
363
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:25,270
THE APPROPRIATELY TITLED:
"WHOSE HOLE IS IT ANYWAY?"
364
00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:27,000
I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU AN
INTERNET RABBIT HOLE THAT
365
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,310
SOMEONE ON THIS STAGE HAS
FALLEN INTO.
366
00:19:28,410 --> 00:19:29,580
THEN I'LL ASK EACH OF YOU TO
TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT THIS
367
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,650
CORNER OF THE INTERNET.
368
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,100
SOMEONE IS TELLING THE
TRUTH, THE OTHERS ARE
369
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,000
BLUFFING.
370
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,170
YOU'LL EACH GUESS WHOSE
RABBIT HOLE THIS IS.
371
00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:40,410
AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, IT
COULD BE ANYONE ON THIS
372
00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:44,100
STAGE, INCLUDING ME, AND
SOMEONE COULD GO TWICE.
373
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,310
IF YOU'RE CORRECT, YOU GET
300 POINTS.
374
00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:47,310
BUT IF IT'S YOURS, AND YOU
CAN GET PEOPLE TO GUESS
375
00:19:47,410 --> 00:19:53,170
INCORRECTLY, YOU ALSO GET
300 POINTS.
376
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,270
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THE
FIRST RABBIT HOLE IS NEAL
377
00:19:54,370 --> 00:19:59,680
THE SEAL!
378
00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:05,240
>> THIS IS NEIL THE SOUTHERN
ELEPHANT SEAL, HE IS HARD TO
379
00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:06,240
MISS.
380
00:20:06,340 --> 00:20:08,580
PARTICULARLY IF HE GOES TO
YOUR FRONT DOOR.
381
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:15,170
>> SOMEONE LIVES HERE, MATE.
382
00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:19,170
>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] THIS IS
NEAL THE SEAL, WHO'S BEEN
383
00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:20,170
TERRORIZING A SMALL
TAZMANIAN TOWN.
384
00:20:20,270 --> 00:20:23,620
STEPH, WHAT CAN YOU TELL US
ABOUT THIS?
385
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,310
>> I THINK THAT'S THREE KIDS
STACKED ON TOP OF EACH
386
00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:26,720
OTHER.
387
00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:30,310
SAME SIZE.
388
00:20:30,410 --> 00:20:36,270
>> I WOULD NEVER -- ITS
REALLY CUTE.
389
00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:41,820
I REALLY -- >> Taylor: WHOSE
RABBIT HOLE DO YOU THINK IT
390
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:42,170
IS?
391
00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:46,790
>> YOU.
392
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:48,340
YOU ARE SO INNOCENT.
393
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:49,580
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
394
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,170
THESE TWO ARE KILLERS.
395
00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:58,440
>> I LOVE THIS, I LOVE THIS,
I LOVE THIS ONE.
396
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:01,200
NICK.
397
00:21:01,310 --> 00:21:03,340
>> I KNOW WHO IT IS!
398
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:08,680
IT'S KIRSON!
399
00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:12,170
YOU LOVE IT!
400
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:16,790
>> Taylor: EDDIE THINKS IT'S
JESSICA, JESSICA THINKS IT'S
401
00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:17,340
ME.
402
00:21:17,550 --> 00:21:18,030
STEPH, WHO DO YOU THINK?
403
00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:20,930
>> I THINK IT IS EDDIE.
404
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:25,310
>> Taylor: WHO ACTUALLY WENT
DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE?
405
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:30,860
THE ANSWER IS STEPH.
406
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:35,130
>> I [BLEEP] LOVE NEAL.
407
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,550
I FOOLED YOU ALL!
408
00:21:36,650 --> 00:21:37,860
>> Taylor: 600 POINTS.
409
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,480
>> THAT WAS STRATEGY.
410
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:41,680
THAT WAS GOOD.
411
00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:46,000
>> I'M SORRY, JESSICA.
412
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:56,410
>> IT'S OKAY, ELAINE.
413
00:21:57,820 --> 00:22:00,550
>> Taylor: OKAY, LET'S SEE
THE NEXT ONE.
414
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:01,820
HOCKEY FIGHTS.
415
00:22:01,930 --> 00:22:10,510
I KNOW, YOU ARE LIKE WHEN DO
THEY START HAVING SEX?
416
00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:12,440
THIS VIDEO IS FROM THE
WEBSITE, HOCKEY FIGHTS DOT
417
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:16,510
COM, WHICH IS APPARENTLY AN
EXTREMELY POPULAR WEBSITE?
418
00:22:16,620 --> 00:22:22,130
EDDIE, WHAT'S A SURPRISING
FACT ABOUT THIS RABBIT HOLE?
419
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:27,410
>> PEOPLE PROBABLY THINK,
OH, THIS IS EDDIE'S, HE IS
420
00:22:27,510 --> 00:22:28,240
MALE.
421
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,510
THERE'S A LOT A LOT OF
REPRESSED ANGER AND THAT'S
422
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:33,240
WHAT THESE ARE ABOUT.
423
00:22:33,340 --> 00:22:35,510
I JUST LIKE WATCHING GRAIN
BEING MAILED.
424
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:39,240
THAT'S MY THING.
425
00:22:39,340 --> 00:22:44,240
THIS IS CRAP TO ME.
426
00:22:44,340 --> 00:22:50,860
THIS IS LOWBROW CRAP.
427
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,820
>> GRAIN BEING MAILED.
428
00:22:52,930 --> 00:22:55,130
>> Taylor: DECISION TIME.
429
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,750
WHO DOES EVERYONE THINK
HOCKEY FIGHTS BELONGS TO.
430
00:22:58,860 --> 00:23:06,100
>> I THINK IT IS JESSICA,
WHO IS GOING TO TYPE IN
431
00:23:06,370 --> 00:23:06,720
HockeyFights.com ?
432
00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:08,340
THAT'S CRAZY.
433
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,720
>> Taylor: JESSICA, WHO DO
YOU THINK IT IS?
434
00:23:10,820 --> 00:23:14,370
>> I THINK IT IS EDDIE.
435
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,790
>> I DON'T THINK THAT'S
FAIR.
436
00:23:16,890 --> 00:23:18,750
>> YOU SAID IT WAS ME.
437
00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:23,410
>> I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR,
BECAUSE STEPH'S HAS ALREADY
438
00:23:23,510 --> 00:23:24,270
BEEN REVEALED.
439
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:29,100
>> Taylor: PEOPLE COULD GO
TWICE.
440
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,000
>> WHAT?
441
00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:34,200
>> Taylor: PEOPLE COULD GO
TWICE.
442
00:23:34,310 --> 00:23:36,680
>> I WAS NOT BRIEFED ON --
>> Taylor: I SAID IT 3
443
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:37,240
MINUTES AGO.
444
00:23:37,340 --> 00:23:41,720
I WAS RIGHT HERE.
445
00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:45,650
>> THEY PULLED ME OUT OF MY
APARTMENT TO DO THE SHOW.
446
00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:48,510
I WAS HAPPY WITH MY DOG.
447
00:23:48,620 --> 00:23:54,820
I WAS PLAYING WITH MY DOG
AND THEY WERE LIKE, COME DO
448
00:23:54,930 --> 00:23:57,860
"AFTER MIDNIGHT" "AFTER
MIDNIGHT."
449
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:58,510
"AFTER MIDNIGHT."
450
00:23:58,930 --> 00:23:59,860
[LAUGHTER] >> YOU WERE IN
YOUR CAR.
451
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:04,100
>> Taylor: EDDIE, DO YOU
THINK IT WAS JESSICA?
452
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,720
WHO DO YOU THINK IT WAS?
453
00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:08,370
>> I THINK IT WAS ME.
454
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:18,200
I DO, BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME
IN A QUESTION "WHAT IS MY
455
00:24:18,310 --> 00:24:21,960
RABBIT HOLE" AND I SAID
HOCKEY FIGHTS.
456
00:24:22,060 --> 00:24:27,550
SO I'M GOING TO GO ME.
457
00:24:27,650 --> 00:24:33,100
[LAUGHTER] >> Taylor: THE
ANSWER IS EDDIE.
458
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:34,340
>> YEAH.
459
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,820
>> Taylor: 300 POINTS FOR
JESSICA.
460
00:24:37,930 --> 00:24:43,200
THE HUNDRED POINTS TO EDDIE,
AND AN EXTRA 300 POINTS TO
461
00:24:43,310 --> 00:24:46,340
EDDIE FOR BEING HONEST.
462
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,620
NOW TO BE CLEAR, BECAUSE
THERE IS ONE VIDEO LEFT, AND
463
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:56,860
YOU DON'T GET POINTS FOR
BEING HONEST, IT WON'T WORK
464
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,200
AGAIN.
465
00:24:59,310 --> 00:25:02,130
THIS IS AIRTIGHT, THE SHOW.
466
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:06,750
OUR LAST RABBIT HOLE IS HIGH
PROTEIN SNACKS.
467
00:25:06,860 --> 00:25:11,030
AND THIS COULD BE ANYONE'S,
EVEN MINE.
468
00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:15,820
>> JUST LIKE THIS MUCH,
WHICH IS YOUR PALM, THERE IS
469
00:25:15,930 --> 00:25:22,480
THE BERRIES, DELIVER, AND
THEN WE WILL ADD THE MILK.
470
00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:29,550
[BLUNDER NOISE] CHEERS!
471
00:25:29,650 --> 00:25:35,580
>> SHE IS TAKING IT DOWN!
472
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,200
[LAUGHTER] NO.
473
00:25:39,310 --> 00:25:42,510
>> Taylor: YEAH.
474
00:25:42,620 --> 00:25:46,440
IF THAT'S WHAT GETTING YOUR
PROTEIN LOOKS LIKE, I DON'T
475
00:25:46,550 --> 00:25:47,930
WANT TO DO IT.
476
00:25:48,030 --> 00:25:52,240
EDDIE, ENLIGHTEN US ON WHAT
THIS IS ALL ABOUT?
477
00:25:52,340 --> 00:25:53,860
>> THIS IS ABOUT WEIGHT
LOSS.
478
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,620
I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH WEIGHT
LOSS MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE AND
479
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,270
PART OF WHEN I WAS A
TODDLER.
480
00:26:01,370 --> 00:26:04,820
I MEAN, THAT IS WHAT THIS IS
FOR.
481
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:07,100
YOU KNOW?
482
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:13,550
WHO DOES NOT LIKE LIVER AND
BERRIES?
483
00:26:13,650 --> 00:26:16,890
>> Taylor: OKAY, STEPH?
484
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,100
>> YOU ARE ROCK HARD RIGHT
NOW.
485
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,270
THIS HAS TO BE JESS'.
486
00:26:23,370 --> 00:26:25,000
>> NO, WHY WOULD I EVER?
487
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:27,960
I DON'T EAT RED MEAT.
488
00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:32,720
>> Taylor: THAT WAS SORT OF
A PURPLE.
489
00:26:32,820 --> 00:26:33,580
A PURPLE MEAT.
490
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,480
>> OF ALL THE SNACKS, RED
MEAT?
491
00:26:35,580 --> 00:26:39,060
>> I HAVE NOT HAD MEAT SINCE
I CAME OUT.
492
00:26:45,650 --> 00:26:49,410
>> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT...
493
00:26:49,510 --> 00:26:50,270
>> YES.
494
00:26:50,790 --> 00:26:54,200
>> Taylor: THAT WAS A JOKE
AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE OH, WE
495
00:26:54,310 --> 00:26:57,200
LEARN SOMETHING!
496
00:26:57,310 --> 00:27:01,200
SO STEPH THINKS THIS IS
JESSICA'S.
497
00:27:01,310 --> 00:27:02,030
AND EDDIE DOES TOO.
498
00:27:02,130 --> 00:27:02,580
JESSICA, WHO DO YOU THINK IT
IS?
499
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:03,580
>> ME.
500
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,890
>> Taylor: THE CORRECT
ANSWER IS JESSICA.
501
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,860
I'M GOING TO GIVE EVERYONE
300 FOR THAT.
502
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:16,860
EVERYONE IS ALL TIED UP WITH
2500 POINTS.
503
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,440
WHEN WE COME BACK, OUR
PANELISTS WILL BE ACTING,
504
00:27:18,550 --> 00:27:19,790
AND MAYBE MAYBE I WILL
FINALLY FEEL SOMETHING.
505
00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:20,960
STICK AROUND!
506
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,820
♪ >> Taylor: WELCOME BACK
TO "AFTER MIDNIGHT"!
507
00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:37,370
TO MAKE IT BIG IN SHOW
BUSINESS, YOU NEED ONE
508
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:38,510
THING: FOR YOUR PARENTS TO
ALREADY BE BIG IN SHOW
509
00:27:38,620 --> 00:27:39,410
BUSINESS.
510
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:40,820
BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE THAT,
THERE'S TIKTOK!
511
00:27:40,930 --> 00:27:43,340
THE PLACE WHERE PEOPLE POST
ACTING CHALLENGES FOR OTHER
512
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:50,310
ASPIRING ACTORS TO DUET
WITH, LIKE THIS: >> THIS IS
513
00:27:50,410 --> 00:27:55,100
AN ACTING CHALLENGE, DO TO
ME.
514
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,480
>> HOW DO I LOOK?
515
00:27:57,580 --> 00:28:00,480
>> HOW DO YOU LOOK?
516
00:28:00,580 --> 00:28:05,000
>> WHAT?
517
00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:12,030
[LAUGHTER] >> Taylor: GIVE
THEM A MARVEL FRANCHISE!
518
00:28:12,130 --> 00:28:13,890
WE'RE GOING TO GIVE OUR
PANELISTS THE SAME SHOT AT A
519
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,790
BREAKOUT DEBUT WITH OUR NEXT
GAME, ACT WITH ME!
520
00:28:17,890 --> 00:28:21,580
♪ YOU'RE GOING TO DO A
LIVE DUET WITH ONE OF THESE
521
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,060
ACTING CHALLENGES IN FRONT
OF OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE.
522
00:28:24,170 --> 00:28:26,130
YOUR LINES WILL BE ON THE
SCREEN, AND YOU REALLY GOTTA
523
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,410
SELL IT.
524
00:28:28,510 --> 00:28:29,750
IF YOU DELIVER AN AWARD
CALIBER PERFORMANCE, YOU MAY
525
00:28:29,860 --> 00:28:35,240
RECEIVE UP TO 400 POINTS.
526
00:28:35,340 --> 00:28:45,680
FIRST UP, IT'S JESSICA.
527
00:28:47,550 --> 00:28:48,580
JESSICA, YOU ARE UP.
528
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,310
AND HERE IS YOUR SCENE
PARTNER.
529
00:28:50,410 --> 00:28:53,410
>> JUST WONDERING IF YOU
WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME
530
00:28:53,510 --> 00:28:54,620
SOMETIME.
531
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,820
>> OH, NO, YOU FREAK.
532
00:28:56,930 --> 00:29:00,240
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
533
00:29:00,340 --> 00:29:01,510
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
534
00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:06,680
YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME
SICK!
535
00:29:06,790 --> 00:29:09,620
I SAID STOP TALKING, YOU ARE
DISGUSTING!
536
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,930
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD
EVER GO OUT WITH SOMEONE
537
00:29:13,030 --> 00:29:15,370
LIKE YOU?
538
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:16,650
>> I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL?
539
00:29:16,750 --> 00:29:20,750
>> OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU
CRYING?
540
00:29:20,860 --> 00:29:26,130
ARE YOU GOING TO CRY LIKE A
LITTLE BABY?
541
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:32,550
DOES THE LITTLE BABY WANT
HIS MOMMY?
542
00:29:32,650 --> 00:29:38,030
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WOW!
543
00:29:38,130 --> 00:29:39,200
CHILLS.
544
00:29:39,310 --> 00:29:39,720
CHILLS.
545
00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:41,790
300 POINTS.
546
00:29:41,890 --> 00:29:43,650
INCREDIBLE!
547
00:29:43,750 --> 00:29:47,550
NEXT, IT'S EDDIE.
548
00:29:47,650 --> 00:29:49,960
HERE IS YOUR ACTING PARTNER.
549
00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:50,620
ACTION.
550
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,370
>> YOU ARE THE BLUE LINE.
551
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,480
WHO IS THAT GUY YOU WERE
WITH YESTERDAY?
552
00:29:55,580 --> 00:29:56,440
>> WHAT GUY?
553
00:29:56,790 --> 00:29:58,890
>> THE GUY WHO WAS SUPER
MATURE, DRIVES YOU AROUND
554
00:29:59,000 --> 00:29:59,680
AND TAKES CARE OF YOU.
555
00:29:59,790 --> 00:30:02,100
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU
THINK.
556
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:07,370
>> IF YOU WANT TO BREAK UP,
JUST LET ME KNOW.
557
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,720
>> NO, IT'S JUST A
MISUNDERSTANDING.
558
00:30:08,820 --> 00:30:12,550
>> WHO ELSE DO YOU WANT
BESIDE ME?
559
00:30:12,650 --> 00:30:17,960
>> HE IS MY DAD.
560
00:30:18,060 --> 00:30:18,960
HE IS MY DADDY DADDY.
561
00:30:19,060 --> 00:30:21,340
>> I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
562
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:22,550
IT'S OVER.
563
00:30:22,650 --> 00:30:32,340
>> NO, NO -- DON'T WORRY,
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAKE
564
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:35,000
DADDY!
565
00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:46,580
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >>
Taylor: 400 POINTS!
566
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:52,890
400 POINTS!
567
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,790
OH, MAN, HARD TO FOLLOW.
568
00:30:54,890 --> 00:30:58,060
A LOT TO FOLLOW.
569
00:30:58,170 --> 00:31:00,720
STEPH, HERE IS YOUR SCENE
PARTNER, AND ACTION.
570
00:31:00,820 --> 00:31:03,480
>> YOU ARE THE BLUE TEXT.
571
00:31:03,580 --> 00:31:05,860
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO
IN.
572
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,960
>> COME ON, DON'T BE SCARED!
573
00:31:09,060 --> 00:31:12,060
SPEAK I KNOW THIS HOUSE IS
HAUNTED, IF SOMETHING
574
00:31:12,170 --> 00:31:13,580
HAPPENS TO US...
575
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,960
>> DON'T WORRY, THERE ARE
TWO OF US, WE WILL BE SAFE.
576
00:31:18,060 --> 00:31:18,750
COME ON, LIVE A LITTLE.
577
00:31:18,860 --> 00:31:20,890
>> ALL RIGHT.
578
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,860
IT'S SO DARK IN HERE.
579
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,960
WHERE WE GOING?
580
00:31:26,060 --> 00:31:28,170
>> YOU WILL SEE, YOU WILL
SEE.
581
00:31:28,270 --> 00:31:28,750
WE ARE HERE.
582
00:31:28,860 --> 00:31:32,100
THE CENTER OF THE HOUSE.
583
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,720
YOU ARE NOT LEAVING.
584
00:31:34,820 --> 00:31:38,960
YOU SEE THIS HOUSE IS NOT
HAUNTED.
585
00:31:39,060 --> 00:31:42,130
BUT PEOPLE THINK THIS HOUSE
IS HAUNTED!
586
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:47,200
SO NO ONE CARES IF SOMEONE
GOES MISSING!
587
00:31:47,310 --> 00:31:50,890
DON'T BE SORRY!
588
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,130
>> LET GO OF MY ARM!
589
00:31:53,240 --> 00:32:00,170
>> I AM SORRY I PICKED YOU
TO BE MY NEXT VICTIM!
590
00:32:00,270 --> 00:32:11,750
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
EDDIE WROTE THAT.
591
00:32:11,860 --> 00:32:15,890
>> Taylor: I'M GOING TO GIVE
STEPH 600 POINTS, BECAUSE I
592
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:16,750
WAS GENUINELY AFRAID.
593
00:32:16,860 --> 00:32:19,650
I WAS GENUINELY AFRAID.
594
00:32:19,750 --> 00:32:22,890
WOW, THOSE PERFORMANCES WERE
SO BEAUTIFUL, I THINK EACH
595
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,060
OF YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF
DOUBLE THREATS NOW.
596
00:32:25,170 --> 00:32:26,890
THAT WAS AMAZING.
597
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,580
WHEN WE COME BACK, ONE OF
OUR PANELISTS WILL BE SENT
598
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:29,410
TO A FARM UPSTATE.
599
00:32:29,510 --> 00:32:29,860
AND BY THAT I MEAN
ELIMINATED.
600
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,480
STICK AROUND!
601
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,550
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ >>
Taylor: WELCOME BACK TO
602
00:32:42,650 --> 00:32:44,890
"AFTER MIDNIGHT".
603
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,860
CURRENTLY STEPH IS IN THE
LEAD WITH 3900 POINTS.
604
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,370
HAVING ROOMMATES CAN BE
DIFFICULT.
605
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,480
SOMETIMES THEY'RE MESSY,
SOMETIMES THEY'RE
606
00:32:51,580 --> 00:32:52,650
FREELOADERS.
607
00:32:52,750 --> 00:32:54,310
AND FOR TIKTOK USER AT ELIAS
FILMS, SOMETIMES THEY'RE
608
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:57,480
BOTH...
609
00:32:57,580 --> 00:33:07,480
BECAUSE THEY'RE A COW.
610
00:33:07,580 --> 00:33:17,820
[ALARM RINGING]
611
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:32,750
[LAUGHS] >> Taylor: I LOVE
THIS AUDIENCE SO MUCH, EVERY
612
00:33:32,860 --> 00:33:35,370
SHOT OF THE COW YOU ACTED
LIKE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME
613
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:36,340
YOU SAW THE COW.
614
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:41,510
EVERY NEW ACTIVITY -- IT WAS
PRECIOUS.
615
00:33:41,620 --> 00:33:45,680
OH, MY GOD.
616
00:33:45,790 --> 00:34:00,030
HAVING THIS ROOMMATE, OR
SHOULD I SAY MOO-MATE?
617
00:34:00,130 --> 00:34:01,410
NO, NO, SIT DOWN.
618
00:34:01,510 --> 00:34:02,820
MUST CREATE ALL SORTS OF
UNIQUE PROBLEMS.
619
00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:04,510
WE'RE GONNA EXPLORE THIS
SITCOM-TO-BE WITH OUR NEXT
620
00:34:04,620 --> 00:34:07,060
GAME: "YOU HAVE A COW, MAN!"
621
00:34:07,170 --> 00:34:08,680
I'M GOING TO PLAY A VIDEO OF
THIS ADORABLE ODD COUPLE
622
00:34:08,790 --> 00:34:09,930
MAKING A SANDWICH.
623
00:34:10,030 --> 00:34:11,370
FOR 500 POINTS, YOU'RE GOING
TO BUZZ IN WITH THINGS YOU
624
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:12,480
MIGHT OVERHEAR IN THIS
HOUSE.
625
00:34:12,580 --> 00:34:13,720
BUZZ IN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN
UNTIL THE VIDEO ENDS.
626
00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:17,340
AND A REMINDER, WHOEVER IS
IN LAST PLACE WILL BE
627
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:18,960
ELIMINATED.
628
00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:19,340
YEAH!
629
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,750
YOU HEAR THAT, JESSICA?
630
00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:26,000
YOU ARE IN LAST PLACE, STEP
YOUR GAME UP.
631
00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:27,060
IT WILL BE OKAY.
632
00:34:27,170 --> 00:34:29,680
YOU'RE NOT THAT FAR BEHIND.
633
00:34:29,790 --> 00:34:34,410
OKAY, GET THOSE COW ROOMMATE
JOKES READY...
634
00:34:34,510 --> 00:34:35,000
>> HOW DID THE DATE GO?
635
00:34:35,100 --> 00:34:37,650
DID HE EAT YOUR GRASS?
636
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:40,510
>> ARE YOU GOING TO START
HELPING OUT AROUND HERE?
637
00:34:40,620 --> 00:34:45,820
IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE ONLY
GETTING 2%!
638
00:34:45,930 --> 00:34:48,370
>> Taylor: WOW.
639
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:48,960
STEPH.
640
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:55,680
>> OH, MY GOD, WE HAVE THE
SAME UTTERS.
641
00:34:55,790 --> 00:34:56,820
>> Taylor: EDDIE.
642
00:34:56,930 --> 00:35:00,930
>> SORRY I ATE ALL OF YOUR
LEFTOVERS, I HAVE FOUR
643
00:35:01,030 --> 00:35:01,480
STOMACHS.
644
00:35:01,580 --> 00:35:02,440
>> Taylor: JESSICA.
645
00:35:02,550 --> 00:35:06,410
>> HOW CAN WE BE OUT OF
MILK?
646
00:35:06,510 --> 00:35:07,440
>> Taylor: STEPH.
647
00:35:07,550 --> 00:35:11,650
>> I'M SORRY I AM NOT
FEELING SO GOOD, CAN YOU
648
00:35:11,750 --> 00:35:16,200
STICK YOUR WHOLE [BLEEP]
HAND UP MY -- >> Taylor:
649
00:35:16,310 --> 00:35:17,030
STEPH AGAIN.
650
00:35:17,130 --> 00:35:19,750
>> GOD, WE BOTH NEED TO BE
MILKED.
651
00:35:19,860 --> 00:35:24,270
WE LIVED HERE FOR THREE
YEARS, WHEN WILL YOU PUT
652
00:35:24,370 --> 00:35:24,860
OUT?
653
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:25,820
>> Taylor: JESSICA.
654
00:35:25,930 --> 00:35:31,480
>> GO CLEAN THE [BLEEP]
LAWN, HUMAN.
655
00:35:31,580 --> 00:35:34,550
>> Taylor: THAT SOUNDMAN'S
TIME IS UP!
656
00:35:34,650 --> 00:35:37,270
>> MY BUZZER!
657
00:35:37,370 --> 00:35:41,890
NO, THIS WAS NOT -- THIS IS
RIGGED!
658
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,930
>> Taylor: STEPH IS IN FIRST
WITH 5900 POINTS.
659
00:35:46,030 --> 00:35:51,130
JESSICA IS IN SECOND WITH
4300, AND EDDIE,
660
00:35:51,240 --> 00:36:00,100
UNFORTUNATELY IN LAST PLACE
WITH 3900, THAT MEANS EDDIE
661
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,960
IS THE MANDATED.
662
00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:04,720
THIS >> I OWE PEOPLE MONEY!
663
00:36:04,820 --> 00:36:05,960
I NEED THIS.
664
00:36:06,060 --> 00:36:09,000
>> Taylor: YOU WILL STILL
GET PAID, EVERYONE GETS PAID
665
00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:10,100
THE SAME.
666
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:11,310
BUT BEFORE YOU GO, PLEASE
MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER
667
00:36:11,410 --> 00:36:12,200
PLACE, AND GIVE A PSA FOR
OUR AUDIENCE IN THE STYLE OF
668
00:36:12,310 --> 00:36:15,480
"THE MORE YOU KNOW."
669
00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:18,860
>> AM I DOING THAT?
670
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,960
>> Taylor: YOU.
671
00:36:23,060 --> 00:36:28,620
>> CORNISH GAME HENS DON'T
TASTE LIKE REGULAR CHICKEN.
672
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:30,480
IT'S NOT THAT IT'S WORSE.
673
00:36:30,580 --> 00:36:31,650
IT'S JUST DIFFERENT.
674
00:36:31,750 --> 00:36:34,890
AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW BEFORE
YOU TAKE A BITE, IT'S
675
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,130
HORRIBLE.
676
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:42,860
SO REMEMBER, ALWAYS CHECK IF
IT'S A CHICKEN OR A CORNISH
677
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,170
GAME HEN.
678
00:36:46,270 --> 00:36:48,820
AND DO DRUGS!
679
00:36:48,930 --> 00:36:51,270
[LAUGHTER] >> OH, MY GOD.
680
00:36:51,370 --> 00:36:52,310
>> Taylor: OH, MAN.
681
00:36:52,410 --> 00:36:57,440
THAT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT.
682
00:36:57,550 --> 00:36:59,170
WE'VE COME TO THE FINAL ACT
OF OUR SHOW, WHICH MEANS,
683
00:36:59,270 --> 00:36:59,680
WE'VE COME TO THE FINAL ACT
OF OUR SHOW, WHICH MEANS,
IT'S "FOR THE WIN!"
684
00:36:59,790 --> 00:37:03,340
IT'S "FOR THE WIN!"
685
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,680
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AS YOU
ALL KNOW, THIS WEEK CBS SAW
686
00:37:45,310 --> 00:37:47,000
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ >>
Taylor: WELCOME BACK TO
687
00:37:47,100 --> 00:37:48,100
"AFTER MIDNIGHT"!
688
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:49,030
NOW IT'S TIME TO PICK A
WINNER FOR TONIGHT'S SHOW,
689
00:37:49,130 --> 00:37:49,820
AND AS A REMINDER, YOU'RE
PLAYING FOR...
690
00:37:49,930 --> 00:37:52,820
THIS GAS STATION BATHROOM
KEY!
691
00:37:52,930 --> 00:37:53,790
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I
DON'T BELIEVE IN LOCKED
692
00:37:53,890 --> 00:37:55,480
BATHROOMS, SO THIS IS MY
TINY PROTEST.
693
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:01,750
BEFORE THE BREAK, I ASKED
OUR PANELISTS TO PITCH A NEW
694
00:38:01,860 --> 00:38:02,440
FAMILY-FRIENDLY TV SHOW.
695
00:38:02,550 --> 00:38:06,170
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU WROTE.
696
00:38:06,270 --> 00:38:08,820
ANSWER NUMBER 1.
697
00:38:08,930 --> 00:38:10,270
NOT FRIENDS, A GROUP OF
PEOPLE THAT LIVE TOGETHER
698
00:38:10,370 --> 00:38:12,310
THAT ACTUALLY HATE EACH
OTHER AND EVERY EPISODE THEY
699
00:38:12,410 --> 00:38:13,170
THAT ACTUALLY HATE EACH
OTHER AND EVERY EPISODE THEY
TRY TO KILL ONE ANOTHER.
700
00:38:13,270 --> 00:38:16,030
TRY TO KILL ONE ANOTHER.
701
00:38:16,130 --> 00:38:22,170
[APPLAUSE] >> Taylor: I WILL
WATCH THAT.
702
00:38:22,270 --> 00:38:25,790
ANSWER NUMBER 2.
703
00:38:25,890 --> 00:38:29,100
THE BARELY LEGAL BACHELOR,
HE IS 18 AND LOOKS 12 AND HE
704
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:33,340
IS READY FOR LOVE.
705
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,720
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] LOOKS
LIKE NUMBER 1 WAS THE
706
00:38:36,820 --> 00:38:39,550
WINNER, WHO WROTE A NUMBER
1?
707
00:38:39,650 --> 00:38:42,890
>> I DID.
708
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,680
JESSICA KIRSON IS THE
WINNER!
709
00:38:44,790 --> 00:38:45,930
CONGRATULATIONS!
710
00:38:46,030 --> 00:38:46,790
THANKS TO OUR CONTESTANTS
JESSICA KIRSON, STEPH TOLEV,
711
00:38:46,890 --> 00:38:47,890
AND EDDIE PEPITONE!
712
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:48,580
I'M TAYLOR TOMLINSON, AND
THIS HAS BEEN "AFTER
713
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:48,930
MIDNIGHT"!
51279
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