Original subtitles

I first learned about women...

in the summer of 1996.

Life was very different in those days.

People still read.

The news was printed...

on low quality sheets of paper...

which were known as "dailies".

Garbage was stored in ridiculous plastic bags...

and a tax was paid to have them removed.

People watched four hours of television a day,

without suffering any apparent brain damage,

and they needed a clock to waken up.

Whether due to weakness, or a lack...

of self-confidence,

most of humanity lived in couples,

and many of them, like my parents,

slept in quadrangular spaces which produced...

curvature of the spine,

and which were called double beds.

Cuqui...

We brushed our teeth manually,

and many adult males still used...

soap and a razor to shave.

Luci!

Arab shepherds had discovered coffee caused insomnia...

when their goats had eaten its fruit...

And... couldn't sleep at night,

but some people, like my Aunt Graci,

still drank it at all hours, even at breakfast.

Actress wanted for "The Seagull".

Women painted their faces and nails, bleached their hair...

and burned off body hair with wax and even electric discharges.

Sexual contagion and unwanted fertilization were common.

To avoid both,

males, such as my Aunt Mari's lover,

covered their penises with something called a "condom".

Cars were noisy, dangerous, caused pollution,

and wrecked people's nerves.

What's more, they consumed gallons and gallons.

Antonio, the rice! Come on!

Weddings were held in registry offices,

and it was the horrible custom to throw rice at the couple,

as if throwing food around were civilized behavior.

Carlitos!

Here they come!

At the start of that summer...

my grandfather married a woman who was 45...

years younger than him.

That summer, I learned to love women...

and now you'll know why.

WHAT MAKES WOMEN LAUGH?

Hurrah for the bride and groom!

Thank you.

Look at him.

- He's happy. - With a 20 year old,

even the Pope would be happy.

Yeah? And what would you do with a 20 year old?

Do you want a general idea, or should I go into detail?

No, I'd rather you gave me a demonstration at home.

Why keep trying to open champagne when you know you can't?

- Take me out to dance, Cuqui. - Don't call me Cuqui.

How can I not call you Cuqui when you look like a Cuqui?

Will you dance?

A few turns?

Take my arm. It doesn't bite.

- Why? - To take me out to dance.

Come off it. Can't you take yourself out?

- How old are you, Domingo? - Fifteen, to be exact.

Then it's time you learned how to treat women.

Do I have to treat them a special way?

No, I said 8 seconds. Anyone else want to bet?

I say no.

Three say yes, two no.

Whoever wins, I take half you lot share the other half.

- Who'll time it? - I will! Come on.

You all agree?

- Right, when you're ready. - On your marks, get set, go!

One, two, three, four...

I did it with four seconds to spare.

The money.

Can you do that with your panties?

No, but your wife promised that she would teach me.

Here, you can keep the bra.

My favorite song. That's your doing, isn't it?

In the news today is a man who has entertained us for many years.

He is Luis Quiñones, better known under his stage name of Luqui.

Today, at 65, he has just got married.

They say man is the only animal to fall in the same trap twice.

How often have you fallen in it, Luqui?

In the marriage trap? This is the fourth time.

But I have had...

really delightful wives.

Look.

I invited them, and there they are.

Anyone else would have sent me to... But not them.

Each one made me happy at the time, each one gave me a daughter,

and they got all the money from me that they could.

God bless them!

The most important thing...

is how old your heart is.

I'm very much in love with Luqui,

and I value the inner man even more.

Hello!

Hello.

- You're Carlos, aren't you? - Yes.

The scriptwriter?

Yes.

I'm Tabata Montolio, a cousin of a cousin of your wife.

A pleasure.

Why the plaster?

I was shaving.

Yes, you're one of those men with blue faces.

- Blue? - A five o'clock shadow.

Oh, yes!

Often, I have to shave twice a day.

My boyfriend has hardly any beard. It's like kissing a baby's bottom.

You write the shows for your wife and her sisters, don't you?

Yes, and other things as well.

They're very funny. But the best part is the script.

Thank you.

Did you see the last Goya Awards?

- I wrote the script. - That's wonderful.

I really love writing.

People must always pester you...

to read their stuff,

but I just happen to have a "sypnosis" with me.

Really?

For a film.

A love story with a sad end.

It sounds very good.

Would you read it now?

Now?

I live in Zaragoza, I don't know when I'll be back.

Well,

it's very noisy here.

Why don't we go to my car,

and maybe you could read it to me?

If you want.

Fantastic!

Here.

It's a white Nissan. It's parked outside.

You go on ahead. I'll be there in five minutes.

Fantastic!

Tabata!

And now, my dear family, what you've all been waiting for.

The three comediennes of the moment.

The stars of theater and television.

Also my mother and my favorite aunts.

Ladies and gentlemen, here with you all,

The Three Graces!

He's old enough to be a grandad,

but he's also woman mad,

and he isn't one bit shy

about having sweety pie.

At any time, he's hot to trot,

and he'll pursue them, old or not,

but our seducer falls seduced

and in a moment or two

we hear him say, "I do".

We've got a song for Dad.

We wrote it with such glee for Dad,

for he's a man who will do his very best for a screw,

and tonight, two by two,

for Dad.

We've got the solution

for Dad.

A ton of pep pills

for Dad.

The years take their toll but while he's got a goal,

there's no stopping Dad.

Since he was young he's had his conquests,

for females always

drove him wild.

This boy even wiped the eye

of poor Methuselah.

He was famed throughout the country,

and known to be the king of hearts.

He even taught a lesson or three

to that famous lover

of Lady Chatterley.

We've got a song

for Dad.

We wrote it with such glee for Dad.

Don't wink those eyes,

it may be a surprise,

but in his harem he lies.

Our Dad.

And as a special prize for Dad,

a diploma as stud

for Dad.

Even if she's twenty and he's seventy,

no one is counting,

and it won't stop Dad.

It won't stop Dad.

Uncle Ramiro, who had a five and dime store,

got Dad's suits. Cousin Ignacio,

so radical he'd seen "Trainspotting" 18 times,

got his shoes.

Our cleaner's husband, who was a dancer on Tele 5,

got his underwear.

And Catalina Bayarri, a blind devotee of Sai-Baba,

received his corneas and got her sight back.

My father took just one thing with him.

My mother's heart.

Twenty years with him.

Since I was eighteen.

The only man in my life.

In the Biblical sense,

he was the only one, really.

Carlos died, it was terrible, life is a shit,

but you have to go on living, Luci.

Every day he made me laugh.

Where will I find someone who can make me laugh every day?

I think that you should find a replacement for me.

In two days we open in Benidorm.

- What's that? - Nail varnish, to cheer you up.

Excuse me, but it's a shitty color.

What's this, Luci?

I'm going to cut my hair.

Those are the ashes of the deceased.

Don't call him deceased!

Well, that's what he is.

But if you want, we'll call him the absentee.

Mari, if you drop that I'll kill you!

This is giving me the creeps.

Why not put the ashes somewhere nice?

We could scatter them in a department store.

In the jeans section.

Carlos loved jeans.

Right.

If not for you, do it for your son, at least.

Domingo is fine. He's doing fine.

Domingo is strong, like his father.

Domingo is in great shape.

It's going to the sea.

Will the Mediterranean do?

Yes, it will. Why?

Because Benidorm is on the Mediterranean.

The Mediterranean's great.

And Carlos was from Barcelona.

For once in your life, listen to us, love.

We're only asking for one month.

- I'm very soft, you know. - Yeah.

I'm too soft.

- What a fright! - That boy!

Domingo!

What is this?

That's disgusting!

If he doesn't get to the beach this summer,

he'll cause a massacre in McDonald's.

You're exaggerating.

Yes, you're exaggerating your grief.

You're wallowing in it too much.

I'm not going to argue with you because you aren't here.

It's as if you didn't want to accept...

that you're...

dead.

And you are, I'm sorry.

But I'm still alive for you.

That's the problem.

And you can't live with that problem.

I'm going to do the season, I said I would,

but that's it.

Then,

it's good-bye.

What will you do?

Bury yourself alive like Crazy Jane?

It was a really nice movie.

But very old.

I can't stop feeling what I feel.

Our marriage was quite good,

but it wasn't all perfect.

Because of our jobs, we were often hundreds of miles apart.

Look, our marriage was perfect, Carlos.

Take this. Together or apart.

Remember, we never screwed very much.

But that was because you always said you were very tired...

and that you had lots of problems.

Luci...

All right, we didn't do it much, but when we did, it was great.

Wasn't it?

You don't know how much I miss it.

I do know.

Do you know everything now?

Yes.

I'm in your thoughts, and I know more about you than you do.

Your eyebrow is itchy.

But what do you want me to do?

Grow! You're really fantastic, but you always lived in my shadow.

Me, in your shadow?

You gave up acting to help me in my career.

It was for our son.

Yes, our son, but especially for me.

Are you saying you weren't a good writer?

Very mediocre.

You can be honest with me.

Can't you see I'm dead and have no feelings?

Talk badly of yourself if you want.

But there'll never be a man like you.

Never.

That's how things were. My mother wouldn't forget,

and, no matter how my father insisted,

she took him everywhere.

A friend of mine has invited me

to go along with him

on vacation to Japan.

I don't know if I'm going to go.

It's a long way

to Japan.

It's a real long way to Japan.

Japan.

It's a real long way to Japan.

And you have to go there by plane.

Oh, no, absolutely not!

When I reserved the table,

the lady told me we'd get the best one.

Don't worry.

How can I not worry if I paid 4,000 pesetas?

You know how many heads I have to shampoo to earn that?

Girls,

it smells of tigers in here.

Men on the loose.

I think I saw some over there.

Those three horrors?

Two baldies and a low-brow.

I could go for a baldy. They really turn me on.

Even the Head of the Government turns you on.

The maître has a lovely ass.

Faggot.

You see faggots everywhere.

She's been like that...

since she found her husband in bed with a Jehovah's Witness.

Men are like TV.

The more you see it, the more you loath it.

Five years married, and there was just one thing that annoyed me.

- What? - He was real fond of his mother.

It never fails, girls. If he's real fond of his mother,

a faggot.

There are some mothers...

who should be shot!

Will this do?

It depends. Can we pick anyone up here?

I'd say so.

Germilina, why are you wriggling?

This G-string I'm wearing has shifted,

and my clit's half strangled.

- Will we check things out? - I don't see anything of interest.

There's a lot of pussy here.

We'll have to stand in line.

I've seen some ugly men before, but never like this.

Have we traveled in time...

to the Planet of the Apes?

What sets my teeth on edge about men are their privates.

Don't a man's privates remind you of a hen's neck?

The worst thing is they think with them.

Do you smell cheap perfume?

I don't.

Of course, it's yours.

This is by "Vittorio y Moschino".

Well, that man has got a real nerve.

It smells of cockles.

My boss gave it to me.

Before or after?

Before. After, he didn't give me the time of day.

Good God, men are so disgusting!

But now, before I see him, I use eye drops and pretend I'm crying.

- What does he do? - He doesn't do anything.

- But he has a hernia that big. - Fuck him!

Fuck him!

Kleenex...

Fuck him!

Right!

We're their Kleenex!

Fuck him!

Luci, don't you always say that we're like their Kleenex?

Yes! Their Kleenex.

They open us up,

fill us with snot, and on to the next.

If you marry, you move up a step.

You go from being a Kleenex to being a linen hankie.

Well, we'll take the van, all right?

Take care, love.

- Yes, I'll take a cab. - And get some sleep.

I might take a tablet.

Sure, you take all the drugs you need.

I'll take your bag.

The show was a bit weak. You know that, don't you?

To be honest, it went better than I expected.

You wrecked the Kleenex joke.

But the public applauded a lot.

They were very cold, don't kid yourself.

Listen, Carlos, if you're going to come back from...

wherever, just to tell me off, don't bother coming back,

darling.

What's this notebook?

It's cute. I don't remember it. Is it yours?

Maribel, 32,

assistant director in TV.

Her husband is away from home Thursdays and Fridays.

Likes Mexican food, pop music. Size 10.

What's this?

Susana, the girl from the bank.

Has no apartment, lives with her mother.

I gave her the story about my wife being paralyzed!

Tabata: shows promise.

Magnificent tits, outrageous lips!

Carlos, what is this?

Luci...

How many sluts are in here?

Luci, I...

How many?

34.

My God!

How could you?

The ideal man, the most loving, the only one!

Everyone told me there was no such thing!

I was so stubborn!

Not one year, or two, or five, or ten!

Twenty! I was blind for twenty years!

Buying your shorts,

and frying steaks for you,

even though raw meat disgusts me!

Preparing herb tea to calm your nerves.

"Poor thing, he has to write, he's tired, all that stress..."

And my nerves? What do I do...

about my nerves?

You bastard!

How could you have loved me so little?

I loved you very much.

That...

What?

I couldn't help that other thing. It was like an illness.

What shitty love you've given me.

But it doesn't matter.

Better to find out late than never.

- Now it's my turn. - Your turn for what?

- To cheat on you. - What?

With the first one I meet, then with the second.

- You can't cheat on me. - No? Why not?

- I'm dead? - So it's posthumous!

Don't be silly!

I'll cheat on you as often as I need to, until I forget you.

You're getting worked up.

I won't stop until I've forgotten what you even looked like.

I understand that you're angry.

And I have to start right away,

because I have to erase 20 years of memory!

It's against nature.

- What nature? - Yours. You're a one-man woman.

From this moment, 3.05 a.m.,

I'm going to be what I want to be.

You can't sleep with a man if you feel nothing for him.

If I feel I want to screw,

that'll be enough.

Why are you stripping off?

In case I like the cab driver.

Don't take this badly, but there aren't so many men around.

You're of an age...

You still look very well, but you're not Cindy Crawford.

Did you fill that notebook because you're Harrison Ford?

You know nothing about picking people up.

That's about to change, I'm in Benidorm in August.

There are millions of people here waiting to get picked up.

Men of my age like young girls.

Don't think there are hundreds of men at that door,

ready to go knock, knock and make you an offer.

If that's a man, and my heart tells me it is,

you're in for a big surprise.

Come in.

Am I disturbing you?

No, not at all! Quite the opposite.

Salvatore Tanucci. I have...

Salvatore, what a lovely name! And just what I need.

I have...

I'm Luci. My father named me for Lucille Ball, the comic actress.

Oh, yes!

I do a daily radio program...

What are you? Italian?

Half French, half Italian.

I was born in Rimini, but spent most of my life in Marseille.

Marseille! I've been there.

On the way to Monte Carlo.

I had my photo taken with Daniel Ducruet. Do you know him?

- Yes. - He's charming.

White moccasins with holes.

What was I saying?

Have you seen the show?

It's very good. A bit hard on us men but...

Because you deserve it!

I always say, who taught us to be as we are,

our fathers or our mothers?

Great, a know-all. He's an old hand at this game.

I wanted...

to interview you tomorrow.

We have a mobile studio down at the beach...

A mobile studio!

Do you have a car?

The woman that I love

has tied me to her yoke,

but please,

I beg you,

never tell her.

- Want one? - No, thanks.

I like Serrat.

The words.

I like to play Spanish songs, so I know what they're saying.

I don't like modern music.

Or modern life, or anything modern.

- You been here long? - Since '92.

I came for the Olympics, argued with my companion,

and decided not to go home.

Your wife?

I guess.

Have you got a girlfriend?

Children?

Nothing. Peace and quiet.

I'm a widow.

I know.

But I've cried enough now.

Now I just want to laugh and enjoy myself.

There must be lots of places here to enjoy yourself.

Do you know them?

What a question! You must know them if you work on the radio.

But what really matters isn't the place,

it's the company.

Maybe you could take me...

to one of those places you say you know.

Don't be offended, but I'm not great company.

That's for me to decide.

It sounds odd, but over the years I've lost interest in women.

You're gay?

You don't like women?

Yes, but it never worked out.

It never worked out for me either.

All the men I've been with have hurt me.

Were there many?

Loads!

The problem is women want to fall in love and men don't.

I've got no interest in falling in love, Salvatore.

I mean, it's important to get things clear from the start.

They always get complicated.

No, Salvatore.

You have to make an effort.

It's over there.

Wait, the door doesn't work. I have to fix it.

Merci.

So, tomorrow at 1.00.

Yes, at 1.00 on the dot.

Domingo!

Come on!

Come on!

Back then, married men suffered from a chronic illness,

infidelity, which led them to sleep with other women...

but not leave their families.

This kept half of the world's husbands...

in a constant state of schizophrenia.

Whore!

Whore! Whore!

Does Mari live here?

She's asleep.

When does she get up?

I don't know. She's an artiste...

I must speak to her right now.

Mari!

Mari!

What are you doing here?

- Claudio! - Mari, I'm devastated.

Weren't you in Ronda with your family?

We're all here, in a hotel.

I changed our plans so as to be near you.

That way, if I could slip away occasionally, we could...

Come over here.

Oh, God!

Anyone want coffee?

My wife's cheating on me, Mari.

- Pilar? - With my best friend.

The godfather of my youngest daughter.

Right here,

under my very nose. Look.

Let's see.

You know what? It serves you right.

They're just rubbing cream on each other.

Last night they went to a disco together.

- And? - They came back...

- at 6.00 a.m. - I'll make coffee.

She was completely drunk,

and she had sand all over her.

I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for you.

What do I do?

Put up with it.

I can't talk to her now. I can't even look her in the eye.

You've been seeing my sister for five years.

Six.

And your wife's behaved like a lady.

Of course, because she doesn't know about us.

Maybe she does.

Maybe she wants to make you jealous.

Or maybe she doesn't love...

this idiot anymore.

Rubbish, Pilar adores him.

- She's a saint. - All women are saints.

What about you?

What?

Do you love her?

She's the mother of my children.

But do you love her?

Well, yes, I'm very fond of her.

So you don't love her. I told you, he doesn't love her.

The kids are still young.

The house is only half paid.

I'm trapped on all sides.

- Then talk to her. - About this?

Sure. Just say, "Pilar, are you in love with...?"

Tomás.

Say, "Pilar, do you love Tomás?"

What if she says yes?

You shit yourself!

My world will fall apart!

Like I said, he'll shit himself.

And you?

Mari!

It's very early, darling.

The idea of divorce terrifies me.

Lawyers, lawyers' fees, paying her so much a month,

moving out.

I can't even do my tax declaration.

Yeah, she always did it.

Then just play dumb.

What?

Like you don't know what's going on.

But how could a man like me put up with that...

and not say anything?

Fuck, millions of women do it, and they manage.

Sure, they think, "The others are just chapels,

but I am...

the cathedral."

They're smart, they weigh their hearts against their interests.

Their hearts don't weigh much for their husbands broke them,

so they keep their houses, cars, washing machines.

If they can do it,

so can you.

What's up with you?

Nothing. Why?

You look different. You even seem taller.

I'm about half way through my life.

I still have the other half.

So I've decided that I'm going to enjoy it.

I mean bloody well go for it.

Does that mean sex,

drugs, alcohol?

It means that I'm tired of being good.

Hello. We're on in fifteen minutes.

I'll be right back. I'll get the script.

A bit dull, but I find him interesting.

Just interesting?

I like the really cheerful tie he's wearing.

Want an ice cream?

A soft drink?

Oh, soft drinks!

Girls, how about a photo?

Really?

Can I go swimming?

- What? - Can I go swimming?

Yes, go on.

Ready, girls?

Are you looking for serious guys or for ones to screw?

No, I don't want anything serious, none of that.

Guys are fine, but they use up your energy.

But don't you have physical needs?

Every two or three months. It depends.

Then I go and screw the best looking man I find.

A good looking man is usually stupid.

So, as he doesn't have much to say, or much of anything,

I don't end up falling for him.

My motto is: only screw men who are stupider than I am.

Find one for me, to start with.

Thanks, girls.

- Now? - It's ideal here.

They're practically all naked.

- The one in the blue bathing suit? - Which one?

No, he's with a girl.

If you're going to be fussy...

The one in the yellow cap?

- He has no hair not even in his legs. - So what?

I don't know, hair on a man makes him look kind of cuddly.

Oh, my God! Just look...

at that cock!

- Where? - Look at it!

- He's got a hard-on. - No way, that's how he is.

Look at the three barrels.

Look.

Which one? That fat guy?

I've got a thing about fat guys.

Mari, that's... Mari, isn't that...?

It must be Tomás.

And that's Pilar.

- Like I said, she's lovely. - Yeah.

She's older than he is.

I've got one for you!

- Who? - That one.

With the glasses?

Cute, isn't he?

- What do I do? What do I say? - Go after him.

No way, I'm not going after him.

Do I have to do everything?

We're here with the radio, doing interviews...

This is Mariano, he's 36 and he teaches...

at the University. He's a bit shy,

and, from his expression, he thinks I'm completely crazy.

That's Mari.

But forget about her, because she's very unstable.

However, my sister Luci is ideal...

for a romantic dinner.

Why not tonight? What a great idea!

What luck, Mariano!

It so happens that she's got no commitments tonight.

And with the clued-up look you have, I bet you don't either.

So you needn't insist. I'll see about reserving a table.

And relax, Mariano.

Don't listen to her. We were just joking.

That's it.

We have five minutes before the interview.

Mariano...

- Yes, we've met already. - I did an interview with him.

- The day before yesterday? - Tuesday.

I think I got a bit carried away.

No, it was very good.

The thing is, he brought up one of my favorite topics.

Really? And what's that, Mariano?

The death penalty!

After so many years of civilization,

how can we still have something as monstrous...

as the death penalty?

How can we allow the execution of men, women, even children,

gassing them like the Jews in Auschwitz,

or breaking their necks on the gallows,

or roasting them with thousands of volts?

How can we allow that?

I mean, it's madness.

Mom devoted herself to the task of meeting new men.

In that brief but intense period of her life she discovered...

A: That there were many men with only one topic of conversation.

For example, masturbation.

That subject is taboo.

And it's good to masturbate.

It's imaginative.

It's an amazing exercise in self-suggestion and self-control.

I love being masturbated.

Do you?

B: That many men thought the best way to seduce a woman...

was to talk about themselves.

Do you have a Macintosh?

No, I don't have a computer.

Macintosh has got Apple Talk communication software.

And C: That the vast majority of those men...

didn't know how to listen.

You don't suck prawn heads? But that's the best part.

This is the only place where they know about eating shellfish.

Go on, suck!

It's a great aphrodisiac. It gets you going...

much more than those pills kids use now.

I didn't need chemicals at their age...

to get turned on.

Move your foot!

- It's just a caress. - You've been trying to grope me...

since the salad.

You have something that attracts me, my hands start to wander.

Where are you going?

To the bathroom.

You wouldn't dump me in the middle of dinner?

And what if I did?

If people cross me, I can get real mean.

What was that?

- Santi, nice to see you! - Hello, Salvita.

Really?

Yes, his father-in-law handles a rifle like John Wayne.

He's terrified of him.

A few years ago two thieves came into his store.

He blew one guy's eye out, and killed the other.

That's the store.

Do you always dress so classically?

I haven't bought clothes in years.

Yeah.

Want a coffee?

A cigarette. I don't smoke much but at times...

I smoke Ducados, but they might be too strong for you.

- Yes, forget it. - I'll buy you some.

- No, really, don't. - Yes. Winston? Marlboro?

Fortuna.

You've decided on the guy with the moccasins?

Leave me alone.

You've been seeing guys for a week with no luck.

I picked some real beauties.

You're the problem.

Me?

You have to love them before you make the jump.

It isn't that. I don't want to love them.

Excuses. Some of them weren't that bad.

If you just want fun, what does it matter?

I'll be in Benidorm for a while longer.

As sure as my name's Luci, I'm not leaving here intact.

We'll see.

We mentioned John Wayne.

He was on the TV in the bar with Maureen O'Hara.

- In "The Quiet Man". - Yes.

That happens to me a lot. I think of something and it happens.

For example, this situation,

you and I talking about "The Quiet Man".

I've dreamed about this. It's like I'd lived it.

Does it happen to you?

Well, recently I've been thinking about you,

and then I'd see you.

Where?

Having dinner.

But always with somebody.

That's good, keep going.

Come on! He said he's thinking about you.

For a wimp like this guy, that's a giant step.

Come on, say something.

- Do you like the cinema? - What a great question!

I don't know, but I go.

I don't know why, because most movies are for kids.

They begin, I see the first three scenes, and I know the rest.

It happens to me too.

And all this fashion for violence, really...

It's horrible.

Life is full of horror, but also of beauty.

The news is horrific, we see it all the time.

Why do movie makers bombard us with more horror?

Now he'll kiss you.

Give him one of your looks and he will.

I'm sorry, I'm going on a bit.

- I've got something in my eye. - Let me see.

Ask him out for a drink.

Why don't you come for a drink after the show?

Good!

That's it.

- So will you come? - I have a radio program.

Have the drink afterwards!

I finish at 4.00. If it isn't too late...

What! At 4.00! Wait for him for two hours?

At 4.00, you'll be dead with sleep.

And you're wearing those shoes that hurt you.

It's very late, I know.

There's a windsurf championship near here on Thursday.

- Your son might like to go. - Oh, yes!

You call that a romance? With the kid in the middle?

I must go.

I'll drive you.

That would be lovely,

but it's right there.

So, what time on Thursday?

At about 4.00, and then we can have dinner in Altea.

Fantastic!

God, this is pathetic!

- I'm really sick of you! - What?

Nothing, good-bye.

Neither of you will ever score!

So grown up and so dull! You're so dull!

Three, and action!

He didn't believe in theater.

He used to laugh at my dreams,

and so little by little I too ceased to believe.

Aunt Graci wanted to be a great actress.

My mother and Aunt Mari had tried, but with no luck.

Graci was the family's last hope...

that someone would take us seriously.

I grew trivial,

insignificant.

I played my parts without meaning.

I never knew what to do with my hands.

I couldn't control my voice.

I couldn't move on the stage.

You can't imagine how an actress feels...

when she realizes her acting's terrible.

I am a seagull.

No, that's not what I meant.

Do you remember the seagull that you killed?

Cut!

Why?

Do you think it's funny? Because you know me,

and, whatever I say, you won't take me seriously.

I know I'm funny.

I was born funny.

It's even my name. "Gracia". "Funny".

Everyone says, "You're so lucky", but it's hard,

because no one ever takes you seriously.

Nina is a young girl who dreams of being an actress.

I'm young, and I know the problem.

When I say those words, I really feel them.

Then, I don't know what happens, but they sound like lies.

But if I can make people laugh I can make them cry.

I'm fucking sick...

of people who know me laughing as soon as they see me.

I don't even have to speak.

If I deliberately look serious, they laugh even more.

Am I just a joke with a good pair of tits?

And I'm getting my period.

Shall we do it again?

Very good.

Really?

Beautiful.

You didn't cry.

But I was about to.

I don't know.

Just send the tape to Armiñán. And stop worrying about it.

He probably wants somebody tall and thin and languorous.

I really have to impress him...

so that he'll give me an audition, don't you see?

It's very good, Gracia. It couldn't be better.

Why not?

Because it's very good as it is, I told you.

What are you doing?

Do you care?

How unusual! I should get emotional.

One's retiring,

the other's doing serious theater,

and, for a change, I'm stuck in the middle.

Maria, hold your horses.

I'm not going...

until you find another actress to replace me.

I mean, after all,

I can wait a few months.

Maria.

Idiot.

I wasn't serious, it was just a joke.

That's good.

Each of us can do whatever we please.

The act gives me a living, that's all.

It doesn't particularly mean much to me.

The messenger!

That's it.

Stop thinking about it.

Messenger.

Just a minute.

- Will I dry my hair first? - No, love.

I'll dry it for you.

Hello. She can't do it herself.

- What motorbike do you have? - None, just this gadget.

Hey, neat!

Here.

Are you giving it to me or not?

I don't know.

- Didn't you call the agency? - Yes.

But it isn't that easy.

It's all the same to me.

You sign here, and there's no problem.

Do you like the theater?

I don't know, I've never gone.

Cinema? Yeah.

Would you look at a video?

Me?

I need the opinion of someone who doesn't know me.

I'm a messenger, my opinion isn't...

Please.

Is it very long?

No!

- Want a beer? - No, thanks.

Are you comfortable?

Take off your clothes real slow,

as if it were the first time,

I want to feel how your breath burns my skin.

Sit down here beside me,

I like to have you close by me.

I'll give you the stars if you will only

be there.

"Now I'm a real actress."

Because today I feel alone

among the multitude,

and if there's anyone who can understand me,

it's you.

What's up? So it fucking got to me.

Isn't he cute?

Ah, so it was you!

Hello, love.

What are you doing?

They're here. I don't want them to see me.

Who do you mean?

I followed them and saw them come in.

Your wife and your friend.

Friend? That lousy son of a bitch!

They may not be doing anything objectionable.

Why don't you go in and see?

The show is about to start.

I'd do it myself, but I know me.

If I go in there and catch them red-handed...

Look!

Are you stupid?

Today they hired a pedalo and went off.

In front of the kids. In front of me!

Come on, put that away.

All right, but...

You go in and spy on them.

Do it for me.

Hello.

We're friends, you know.

Will you tell me?

Not a chance.

But it's to do with me?

Possibly.

This thing is madness.

I'm not even thinking about it.

I'm just letting it happen.

I'd like to go back to that beach.

That was really crazy!

I got back to the hotel with sand up to my ears.

I don't know how Claudio didn't realize!

Let's do it again now.

We only live once.

I want you to fuck me right here.

The bathroom is full of mirrors.

Well?

You have to be very patient, Claudio.

It's that bad?

If that guy doesn't disappear, you've got it rough.

I'm choking!

Mari!

Come on!

Mari, come on.

We've being announced.

Don't do anything crazy.

I'm in a bad way.

We'll see.

Right.

- Graci, a light. - Hang on.

Surprise!

My dears, I don't know if you're looking happy or shocked.

In the sea, there lived a barnacle,

and he fell in love with a clam.

He wanted to kiss the clam,

but the clam ate him up.

Learn the moral of this tale.

When you want to show off your barnacle,

don't put it next to a clam,

because you could be

sucked to death.

Thank you.

This is what's best in life.

The simple things. A paella, friends, family.

If we valued what we have the way we value what we want,

we'd all be much happier.

Well said! Here, here! I'll drink to that!

Cheers!

Cheers!

But the important toast is coming now.

Tremble.

We've got a replacement for Luci.

I bet you never knew...

that Miriam is a great comic actress?

Neither did I.

I love imitating performers.

But that means nothing.

And who do you imitate?

I don't know. Michael Jackson.

We're dying to see you give a demonstration.

Right, Luci?

First I'll tell you what happened yesterday.

We were invited to a dinner for some prize giving or other.

When we arrived, everyone was angry and arguing.

The organizer came over and said, "Luqui, please do a sketch."

I said, "No, I'm very sorry."

But I remembered the act about the mind reader...

and the seer.

Miriam's seen all my videos hundreds of times.

So I said to her, "Love, I have to do this."

"Do you dare?" She almost died.

"No, I can't."

- "No, I can't." - What did you expect, baby?

It was full of famous people. Pedro Carrasco,

Raquel Mosquero,

Rociito.

I was terrified.

I finally convinced her.

She stole all the punch lines! She got more laughs than I did.

Don't listen to him. He's just chattering on.

She's a wonder! And she's had no experience.

Well...

That's great.

Why not do a bit of their show for them?

Oh, no, I couldn't!

- Don't be silly. - We're all family here.

Why not do Luci's story...

about the traveling salesman?

Come on!

It was all going well.

We went to his place, he put on music by Michael Bolton,

and gave me a drink.

"I won't be long", he said and went off.

After a while he came back.

He'd put on golden harem pants, a Moorish bodice,

a red wig,

and half a dozen scarves made of... made of...

Gauze.

Of gauze, like veils.

"I'm your slave", he said.

"You're going to sell me at public auction."

What...?

Nothing.

Mari...

I want to talk to you.

So talk.

I'm me and she's her.

Why not put yourself in her place?

If I do, I take up with Tomás too and then it's a real mess.

I'm very possessive.

When I was little, I could never share my toys with my brothers.

Weren't you an only child?

Exactly!

But I've seen the light.

Light is fundamental for me. I'm a cameraman.

I've seen that Pilar and I are finished.

But I'm willing to do anything if you'll help me.

We could...

try to live together, form a real couple.

And even,

depending on how it goes,

if you wanted,

we could get married.

And maybe,

have a baby, if you want.

No, Claudio, no.

What?

I love you, and I have a good time with you,

but you're a man to be with one day a week.

Well,

at most, two.

And if I'm ever crazy enough to get married,

which I doubt,

it wouldn't be such an old hand as you.

An old hand?

Someone who'd take it seriously,

who wouldn't marry me with that attitude...

of "I'm doing you a favor".

A guy who keeps his word and is willing to be faithful.

You like having a wife so you can cheat on her.

With you, it's only fun being the other woman.

You're refusing me?

You should really convert to Islam.

Then you could have all the wives you want.

I'm dying of grief,

and you make fun of me.

No! This is all very clear!

What are you doing?

I'm going swimming.

At four in the morning?

I'm going to swim till there's no water left!

You really are very childish.

So what? No one cares about me!

Claudio, where are you going? Claudio!

Yesterday, they loved me. Today, they insult me.

Have I changed? Not at all!

I've always been as I am. Always!

You are the ones who lie!

You never fall in love with the man in front of you.

It's a lie!

You fall in love with the one you might be able to tame.

And you keep going until you change us into different people.

Then...

Is there no way to kill yourself on this fucking beach?

What is this?

Who are those beasts?

Your father!

And the queen of comedy!

She'll kill him!

Come closer, come on.

But today, as there was a raid

at number 33,

Mario comes back at ten minutes to five.

How early!

At the far end of his deserted street

all he can see

are two lovers kissing like crazy,

and poor Mario

wants to die

when he gets closer

and discovers

that it's Maria with another man.

Knife blades cross because of a woman...

"My grandfather decided I was too influenced by women.

So he set to work to show me life...

from his point of view.

That is, a man's point of view.

Of course, my grandfather was anything but a normal man."

Come in and laugh,

your laughter will be roses for me.

Because in life

the smartest thing to do is smile.

We live in a state of constant anxiety,

hopelessly seeking happiness.

We fight unarmed against fear and pain,

but there's no better defense than humor.

Come in and laugh.

It's the best thing there is. That's saying something.

I'll say it again.

Because a life of suffering and struggle

just isn't the thing.

What do we say to him?

Look, we don't have to be honest.

It's awful to see him here.

He's where he wants to be.

- Can you tell I've been crying? - Yes, but say it was from laughing.

I hate seeing my father make a fool of himself.

Well?

Very good!

Fantastic, Dad!

And a great audience.

No, they weren't happy.

It went much better yesterday, didn't it?

- Yes, baby. - I was nervous,

knowing my daughters were here,

and my grandson.

You know who comes here?

Julio Iglesias's father.

Congratulations!

Well done!

Honestly.

Well, I'm going to have a shower.

I'm...

Thank you so much.

For...

saying you liked it.

What else would we say?

Of course, how silly of me!

And the show was great, wasn't it?

Isn't the new Cuban sketch real funny?

Well, I'll go and dry his hair.

He loves me to do it with the drier.

With the drier?

She's either very stupid or very clever.

Or she really loves him.

A man of almost 70?

Would you go to bed with a man of 70?

- Paul Newman is 71. - Paul Newman, but not your father!

Vittorio Gassman...

is 74, Sidney Poitier, 72,

Clint Eastwood is 66, and so is Sean Connery.

Well, Domingo?

What about a dip?

Bet you can't catch me!

From that moment, I was one of the few people in the world...

who masturbated thinking of his grandmother.

You've fallen asleep almost without wanting to,

with a word on your lips.

And I'd give everything I have

to know

all your dreams.

And you've fallen asleep without knowing that I am

the spy of your dreams,

with no other flag but your bed,

with no other frontier but your kisses.

Domingo was kind of obsessed...

with his ears,

and he measured them twice a day.

Domingo! Would you please stop?

Domingo!

I was saying...

that the boy read in the newspaper...

that ears grow I don't know how many millimeters a year,

and as he's as obsessive as his father was...

What's wrong with that kid?

Domingo! Would you stop?

I've got that damn taca-taca going around in my head.

Take off the earphones!

What?

I'm bored!

You're doing this on purpose. Why?

I want to!

You're not a child any more, Domingo!

You're 15.

Domingo!

You stay here!

Domingo! Stop running right now...

or there'll be trouble!

It would be a big help if I knew what was going through your head.

I don't mean always, but...

from time to time wouldn't be bad.

If you knew what I know about that guy,

you wouldn't like him so much.

With an Alicante license plate and the same sticker.

Where were you on June 21?

Me?

Yes, you! Where were you?

Look at the fender!

On the left!

What's this dent?

- What dent? - This one! Didn't you see it?

To tell the truth, I didn't.

The car's old, and I've never been careful about cars anyway.

Are you careful about driving, or do you just knock people down?

What?

Look, stop playing the fool because I don't want...

to get upset!

You are upset! And so's the boy.

And I seem to responsible but I don't know why.

Oh, don't you?

I don't!

You're a coward!

Why are you insulting me?

What is this?

Don't touch her!

What have you eaten today?

The car that killed my husband was a red R11,

and it had that sticker!

Domingo saw it!

Fuck!

- Isn't it your radio's sticker? - Yes.

Are there many of them?

No, there aren't.

My God! How can I be on a day trip...

with the man who knocked Carlos down?

I've never knocked anyone down!

Tell me another!

Once I knocked a dog down. I took it home, and it's still there.

What breed is it?

A German Shepherd.

What do you feed it?

White rice, minced meat, liver.

Stop talking about dogs!

You think I wouldn't stop for a person?

It was your car!

It's the model, and the color! It has the dent,

and the sticker!

On June 21, I wasn't even here!

Of course not! You were in Madrid, killing my husband!

No! I was in Berlin!

The old excuse. When a man doesn't know what to say,

he says he was in Berlin.

My sister lives there, she's married to a German.

She had a baby, they invited me to the christening and I went!

You hear?

Don't touch her, asshole!

Kid, I'm going to thump you!

Luci, I feel dizzy.

Can't you imagine me in a less disgusting way?

Look.

- Your sister? - Yes.

You're not alike.

I was in Berlin...

from June 20 to June 25.

My only vacation in the whole year.

Then no one killed my husband?

Emilio...

We have to talk.

Go on!

I could have taken another car.

A faster one. There are lots here.

But their owners are so fussy. You don't care about your car.

My girlfriend lives in Madrid.

We met last summer and we don't see each other much.

She's only 17, I've got no money and her parents are real strict.

I wasn't going fast.

I swear, I was only doing 55.

It was a normal curve.

I eased the accelerator.

I touched the brake.

Suddenly this guy was dancing in the middle of the road.

Fuck, there he was!

I just had time to blow the horn.

I saw him fall in the rear view mirror.

I swear...

I was going to stop, but then I thought...

of a load of things.

My parents, my girlfriend,

her parents, my boss.

Christ, I'm sorry!

Fuck it, I'm sorry!

He was in the middle of the road!

Come on, Domingo.

You have to report this.

No, please!

It's unpleasant, but you must.

I can't.

So he can go out and do it again?

- I swear I'll never do it again! - I can't.

It's your responsibility!

This isn't the way to fix things!

Mom finally decided to throw my father's ashes in the sea.

Just as well she never knew what happened to the urn that day.

It's the simplest black thing I have, and it's kind of dressy.

Who said we have to wear black?

- You're in black. - Just the blouse.

Everything I have here is so bright.

We're throwing Carlos in the sea, well, his ashes.

There's no dress code for that.

For Crissake!

Graci! Mari!

The urn!

- What a bad scene. - Oh, my God!

The window was open.

I tripped, and look.

It's all fucked. Help me.

Domingo, it's a disaster!

- Fuck, Graci, you know I... - Let's get this gathered up.

- Gather up what? - Whatever's left.

If we had a vacuum...

Or maybe we should leave it.

This is a sign.

- Of what? - That he wants to stay here.

Come on!

It's Luci! Move!

Keep calm. I'll fix this.

Are you all ready?

They're lovely!

Yes, they are, aren't they?

I'll get the urn.

Mari, Domingo, don't take all day!

Are you angry with me?

Me?

You didn't call me all week.

You didn't call either.

I thought you were angry.

And I thought that you were.

I was, but...

And, Salvatore,

we didn't have any arrangement about phoning each other.

Well, I...

I was thinking about it and...

Do you like wild mussels...

"à la marinière"?

You said you weren't interested in women.

Well, sometimes I say stupid things.

I was wondering if...

it would be possible...

Well, you know, I'd like to frequent you.

Frequent me? What do you understand by frequenting me?

Repeat an action, visit a place frequently. That's frequent.

Right!

Ready?

What we are going to do...

is very important for me.

What did you use?

"Calgonit."

- What? - Detergent.

What else could we do?

Are you stupid?

That was how my father...

came to rest in the place he'd always dreamed of.

The season was ending and my mother was still intact.

Aunt Graci kept staring at the phone, hoping to provoke...

a call from the National Theater which never came.

Aunt Mari, worried about the group's future,

considered throwing in the towel...

and giving stodgy old Claudio a chance.

I've matured.

I understand Pilar.

A woman needs the same as a man, except in a different way.

We're going to celebrate my freedom with champagne!

Have you spoken to her?

Why don't you look where you're going?

You have to look, kid!

Calm down, you drunk.

Asshole!

Come on, darling.

Are you guys crazy or what?

You have a reservation?

Enjoy your meal.

Well!

Isn't this a coincidence?

Claudio, please.

Don't worry, I won't cause a scene.

Let me pay, and we'll go outside and talk.

I've got nothing to say to you, asshole!

- I'm off. - No, you're staying.

No, not you. You're staying.

I want my wife to know...

who's made me really happy these last six years.

Claudio, this is very embarrassing.

You mustn't torture yourself thinking you've hurt me.

Hurt you?

Please, Claudio. In order to feel pain, you must be able to feel.

She is the woman of my life.

You don't believe me?

I'm going to thump you!

She think's I'm bluffing.

Darling,

I want them to see how lucky I am.

What have you done?

You've killed me!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Sorry? You're fucking sorry?

What's so funny, idiot?

You'd better call a doctor, Pilar.

Anyone got a mobile?

Want to come dancing?

- You got cigarettes? - Yeah.

Fuck.

- I feel rotten. - Why's that?

- You always pay for everything. - What about it?

A guy without money is like a rooster without feathers.

I'm used to it. I've been working since I was sixteen.

- I used to make a good living. - And?

It was too good. I ended up in the slammer.

You stole?

Even the canes from blind men.

Don't worry.

I've reformed.

I concentrate on the boat now.

Yeah? Is this a good area for fishing?

Here? It's fucking great.

If you head out to sea you can get anything.

Red mullet, shark, swordfish, whatever you want.

The thing is, stealing is beautiful.

- Beautiful? - If you do it well,

it really is.

It's like acting.

Lots want to do it, only a few make it.

Swiping stuff is one thing.

But a big hit is something else.

Working in a team, with creativity. Then you can do banks, trucks.

But it's dangerous. A friend of mine had his eye shot out...

robbing that jeweler's.

- You don't take me seriously. - Yes, I do!

But do you just see me as a summer fling...

or is there something more personal?

A friend.

No, no, forget about being friends.

You kiss your friends like that?

Want another?

I kiss well. Or so I'm told.

Fuck, now I'll fall for you, and you'll go away...

No.

Decide not to fall.

And if you don't want to fall, then you won't.

Fuck! I'd like to do something special for you.

Something that you'll never forget.

A few more kisses like that and I assure you...

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Let's go to my friend's boat. - Will we take a taxi?

No, we'll walk.

- And we can pass by a drugstore. - I've got some.

You'll smother him!

This looks like a wrestling match.

You're taking the initiative, that's wrong.

Men of our age like to think we're the dominant ones.

I'm sorry! My necklace!

Just remember what you were like with me.

Calm, gentle. And it worked very well.

The "toilette"?

Wait.

Go away, Carlos.

I'm here for you.

Thank you, but I'd rather you'd go away.

But you need some guidance!

No, leave me alone.

You left me on my own. I have to learn to be one person, not two.

Do you know what you want?

I'm not very sure, but I'm going to try.

If you go on with this, you'll make a mistake, Luci.

No, let me try.

I'm as strong as a horse. I'm stronger than you.

I doubt that.

This is when you can show me if you really love me.

I love you.

Yes?

Are you all right?

Yes.

We needn't go on if you don't want to.

No. Yes, yes.

Salvatore, couldn't you play some music that's more cheerful?

Yes, yes, of course!

Serrat?

Haven't you anything even more cheerful?

Yes, yes.

I'm nervous.

From the waist up, I'm nervous, and from the waist down...!

I thought as much.

What a business!

Salvatore...

It isn't an examination.

We're not expecting anything special.

No, I don't.

We like being together because...

- We think it might be nice. - And if it isn't, no problem.

What problem could there be?

None.

And I don't expect you to bring me coffee and croissants...

in bed tomorrow morning.

Stevie Wonder?

Don't you have anything...

in Spanish?

You mean, relaxed?

Relaxed.

Well, only in Italian.

Sergio Dalma!

Yes, Sergio Dalma!

- That'll do? - It'll do.

At this moment in my life, I need to listen to Sergio Dalma.

Would you like to dance?

Yes.

- You needn't put them on. - Really?

Really.

Victor?

Victor?

Victor!

What a piece of cheesecake!

Hands off, she isn't yours!

Fucking kid!

What's going on?

Ask her, she's gone crazy.

And that shouting?

Take a look.

- Hey, hotpants! - What the fuck is this?

- You got a problem, sweetheart? - No, have you, cocksucker?

Go on, haul your ass inside, you old cow.

We want to see the other one! Send her out!

Send out your fucking mother.

I love turning them on!

Make some coffee.

- Mari, you're drunk. - And I could get drunker!

It isn't fucking funny.

I thought you'd stopped drinking.

You aren't my mother.

This won't get you anywhere.

Do I have to get somewhere?

Where do I have to go, smarty? Do I get a prize when I arrive?

Go fuck yourself.

Are you fighting already?

Look at her.

- What's wrong with her? - Do you mean right now,

or for the last 30 years?

Look, Gracia, I really don't want any rows.

All sisters, all friends,

but nobody gives a damn if a truck drives over me.

Did a truck drive over you, love?

Even worse, I was robbed!

Move over.

The messenger?

Fuck! Really?

What are you laughing at?

Before, it was at me, now, it's at you.

You too?

No, it's so I won't cry.

It went badly with the frog?

Neither good nor bad.

Domingo, why don't you go down and buy some breakfast?

How long should I take?

- Twenty minutes? - Half an hour.

Well!

Half an hour loose in Benidorm.

What an irresponsible mother.

I made the leap.

And?

Nothing.

It went badly?

Neither bad nor good.

I didn't come.

It was as if I'd been married to him all my life.

The only thing was...

that at the peak moment...

he said something in French, I don't know what it was,

and then, it kind of ended up as nothing.

I've made up my mind.

The next time I take up with a guy, I'm going to charge him.

What a good idea! Just what you needed!

I have a whore's soul.

I bet it's that idiot's fault!

Wasters!

You can't even fuck!

- Go to hell! - Go to hell yourself!

Girls,

there are two more in the freezer.

It's the best thing to do.

If we have no shame or self-esteem, we'll blame it on alcohol.

Well, not all men steal from you, love.

I'm sick of sex.

And I'm sick of there being two sexes.

- Why are there two? - Maybe God drinks too.

I need to be in love.

Otherwise, the only thing I feel...

is 200 pounds of flesh on top of me.

Mari can advise you.

She trained hard to imitate guys and screw without any feelings.

Don't you feel proud?

I feel like a dead loss.

It's the pits, we're ashamed to have feelings.

Well, men have them too.

Yeah, in the tip of I know what.

Your friend Chekhov had an awful lot of feelings.

Look.

I think I've got psychic powers since I was widowed.

Go on, laugh! I don't know what the fuck makes women laugh!

Between drinks,

my mother and my aunts spent the rest of the day...

laughing at love, sex, men, women,

and especially at themselves.

By 5.00 in the morning, my three favorite women,

in a considerable state of alcoholic intoxication,

had become a trio of kamikazes...

capable of anything.

Graci! Graci!

What?

- What time is it? - I don't know.

Where's Mari?

Mari, what are those guys doing here?

- It was your idea. - I beg your pardon!

Don't pretend you don't remember anything.

- I don't know who they are! - They're from an aircraft carrier.

You kept calling yours Kevin Costner.

I don't believe you!

But did you actually see Kevin and I...?

How could I not?

You came running to tell me that you felt nothing for him...

but it had been fucking great.

Well done! You screwed without love.

You passed the test.

But what good is it if I don't remember anything?

He's wakening up!

- What is it? - He's wakening up. Come on!

Boy, they build things well in America!

But the results aren't so great.

And yours?

Which of the two?

Mari!

Now what do we do?

Nothing. We say "Good-bye".

And piss off back to the aircraft carrier.

He's like an ad for low fat yogurt.

And there's your rice pudding.

Is Luci here?

Hey, croissants! Great.

What did he say?

If he's your owner.

What?

I feel so awful, because he brought me croissants.

Do you mean you like him?

It's impossible that I'm in love.

Why? It's your natural state.

But I don't want love.

Luci,

you have just one hole to fill,

and it isn't this one, it's this.

He's leaving!

He wasn't going to stay and put up with this!

After him!

Without any make-up?

Come on!

Am I pretty?

Get going!

She looks real pretty.

A shower?

You'll get no shower here, or anybody's croissants.

Back to your fucking boat! All four of you!

I was going to go up.

Again?

As often as necessary.

Shall we go somewhere?

In the car?

It was old.

I had to change it.

Maybe it's better if we walk.

I have to tell you something. Do you mind if I do it in French?

The first time I saw you I fell madly in love with you.

But I'm a bit shy so I didn't dare...

But now I'm telling you I love you, I love you.

Well, do you agree?

I didn't understand a word.

But it's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Shall we go?

Life is very strange, and good can often come out of bad.

The messenger had promised Aunt Graci...

he'd do something great for her.

Something that she'd never forget.

And he certainly did it.

Hello.

I'm a messenger.

I've brought a video of Gracia Quiñones for you to see.

You have to see this.

Or there'll be a massacre here and we'll all die!

Come on, Belen! On the right.

Aunt Mari's boyfriend got back with his wife,

but no one realized there was still someone free in the city.

He not only fell over Aunt Mari, he fell for her.

She was a bit cold at first, but changed completely...

when she discovered he was married.

She firmly believed...

that the only men who were worthwhile...

were married.

Salva wasn't exactly a sex bomb,

but he seemed a good person and made my mother laugh a lot.

She liked seeing how he lost his fear,

not just of dealing with women, but of treating them well.

And my grandmother, Miriam, turned out to be a great writer.

She wrote a new show for "The Three Graces"...

and it was really good.

Miriam!

What a lovely show! What imagination!

- You really liked it? - Yes, very much.

How wonderful.

Dad...

Dad, aren't you happy?

Yes, very happy.

We saw the doctor this morning.

And what?

- What? - What?

Take my arm, it doesn't bite.

Now that you've finished with "The Seagull",

I hear you're making a new film.

It depends.

I'm a great fan of all your films.

"Turkish Passion", "High Heels",

"The Day of the Beast".

Well, good-bye.

- I loved "Three Words". - Yes, thank you.

Do you cry at christenings too?

They're the worst.

I love you.

Are you fighting to love me or to have me?

A photo, Luci?

Know why she's called Carlota?

Carlos!

Is that you?

Are you a little girl now? Have you been reincarnated?

Dad, take Carlota.

Dad, you're much more handsome without a wig.

Yes.

There was a time when people needed to love and be loved...

in order to feel better.

Unable to control their emotions,

they damaged themselves constantly, causing traumas...

which professionals, now obsolete, called psychologists,

tried to cure.

Death scared them, they didn't know the meaning of life,

but despite their ignorance...

they kept searching in each other for a bit of happiness.

In that dark, primitive era, so full of mistakes,

I learned to love women.