Original subtitles

Gentle music

It was a beautiful day,

the first of May.

That was five years ago.

We were gathered on that beach to see Youri off.

You not sleeping?

He was setting off on a months-long bike trip

that would take him all the way to Istanbul, Turkey.

It was a joyful moment,

and moving.

Today we don't have that same joy.

Youri, my eldest son, died a year ago.

And the idea of retracing that bike trip

came to us almost right away—with Philippe.

To do the trip to Istanbul again.

To follow his footsteps and, who knows,

maybe even spot him by chance

and hear that 'Salut, p'pa!' I miss so much.

That's awesome,

that Philippe's coming along for it.

It's a lovely act of friendship.

Youri loved that trip.

He even turned it into a book.

And it's nice,

that they're using the book

to guide them and see those landscapes.

That book will be our bible—our roadmap.

It's already lovely.

I like it. And what about you and the dog?

Our plan is a bit desperate, to be honest.

Philippe's not getting any younger, and I'm overweight.

Hey now!

We're going—bound by twenty years of friendship

and a taste for physical challenges.

We've never actually done any sports together.

We've never done sports—at all.

But we did fast together once. It worked out fine.

It did work.

As you know, Youri was a clown.

During his trip he performed in schools, on the street,

and we plan to do the same.

Philippe, walk over here.

Don't give everything away straight away.

You're about to see us leave.

Sensitive viewers, look away.

We do our own stunts—no doubles.

We don't have stunt doubles.

We're a bit like Thomas Pesquet. Where's the capsule?

So, let's go.

Well... let's say our goodbyes.

Cheering

Come on, bye! Ciao!

Go on!

Goodbye!

Goodbye!

See you at Christmas!

Upbeat music

You wanna do this race?

Huh?

- You wanna do this race? - OK.

You asked for it!

We didn't say how far.

There it is. I win!

4.5 km.

Well, there you go.

My dog is so handsome.

Yes, my dog! Be happy!

Come on!

Run!

Groan

It hurts too much, man.

It hurts so much!

Don't stop, keep going! - I can't do it.

We could put on a little dance.

The ballet of the sore asses.

I got a little bug in my eye. Stop.

(He laughs.) - I flicked a bit at you.

- All good? - Yeah, all good.

I can't see it anymore.

Come on, dog.

Wow.

Birdsong

Philippe's coughing badly.

Oh, damn.

Wanna grab a coffee?

Alright.

Coffee, tea—yeah.

Croissants, breakfast.

That's for kids. - Huh?

It's not meant for grown-ups.

I bought some things. I don't know how any of it works.

You're asking me?

It's nice. - Yeah.

That just snaps into place.

There.

You screw it on. There you go.

Millions of years of camping—it's in my blood.

Is it a problem to smoke next to the gas canister?

I'm just saying...

Birdsong

- You coming?

- I'm coming.

- Don't move, boy.

- Think we can go in? - Come on.

- Stay put, Lucky.

- It's closed. - Yeah.

- You know, churches,

they calm me down.

- I don't, actually.

- It's nice.

- Yeah, especially with that little wallpaper.

The priest's wife insisted on that wallpaper

in the chapel?

- Priests don't have wives.

- I was joking.

- The image of Christ isn't calming.

- Huh?

- The crucified Christ. - Yeah.

- Mary is calming.

- I was about to say that.

In the whole set, the one I like

because she puts her hand on my shoulder — it's Mary.

I've got a joke.

So Joseph

says to Mary, 'What?'

Because with Mary, he never...

- Mary tells Joseph she's pregnant.

- And he goes, 'What?'

-'WHAT?'

- Wait. - What?

- What?

- Sorry, Lord.

- Sorry about that. - We're just messing around.

But being quiet and reflective, beyond the joke,

I get it. It's like a meditation,

a conversation that keeps going.

- It's a place where people

believe in something — in life after.

In an after.

- It's not the afterlife you're after.

You're after the life you had before.

- Well, no.

- Or the afterlife, yeah.

- If I can find Youri.

This sucks. - We shouldn't joke around.

He's trying to tell us something.

- The only way to find Youri is through death.

- Huh? - My only hope,

my only chance of finding Youri,

is in death, not in life.

- You're wrong.

Soft music

- Careful, a black cat. - Watch out.

I don't buy that curse.

- A black cat's never a good sign.

- Damn. - Careful.

You almost hit it. - That's what we were talking about.

- Exactly,

black cats bring disaster.

When Youri died, everything felt like a sign.

Everything felt like an intervention.

A butterfly, a bird. - Yeah.

- I saw Y's everywhere. Everything makes a Y, look.

See that? That's a double Y.

- Actually, we build nests

for our signs.

I mean, the signs...

whether they exist or not. We make nests for them,

and if we start looking at everything,

we see signs of Youri everywhere.

I see Y's everywhere too.

I see him everywhere and hear him everywhere.

That's why we're here.

Birdsong

-Disappear, disappear!

-Atentos a todos!

Disappear!

And...

Disappear!

-Philippe disappeared.

Philippe disappeared.

Philippe in the Loire, in the trees?

I don't know.

Where's Philippe?

I don't know.

I don't know where Philippe is.

Philippe!

My God.

Philippe disappeared.

He's speaking in a made-up language.

- Hey! - Hey!

- Hey!

- Philippe!

Upbeat music

-Where I'll be tomorrow

On the road - Philippe!

-By bicycle

- Wait up!

Wait up!

Wanna try the beach over there?

- The point over there? - The little one.

- In front of us? - Yeah.

- What's that behind us? - A beach.

Just like the photo.

- Let’s go then. - Go on.

- That's it, Matthias.

- Yeah, that's it.

- There it is, exactly.

- You've got the tree on the left,

and that little copse over there.

And the village up on the hill.

Look. See?

- And that thing—the quay, there it is.

- Yep.

- Where the boats are.

Definitely—I spot it by that clump of trees.

- He’s waving. - Yeah.

- I'm gonna take a picture.

Get into position... - The same as before?

- The Youri pose. Look that way and lean in.

And give a little wave.

Yeah, perfect.

Look at me.

- Youri!

- When I think about my mum... the dead are there for us.

- My dad's been there for me since he died.

- That's what you mean.

We watch over them, they watch over us.

All the time.

- My dad died too early for that...

- How old was he? - 42.

I missed him

for five or ten years.

Around fifty I would’ve been more forgiving than at forty.

At forty I was full throttle.

He annoyed the hell out of me—more of a pain than anything.

I had nothing to hang on to with him.

I’m gonna say something awful,

but I missed him terribly when...

Youri died.

It's that sort of...

I couldn’t have borne their grief. But...

I would’ve liked someone to take my hand,

and tell me how to get through it, you know?

In the end, you're left on your own with it.

They never went through that—they never lost a child.

I'm the one who has to figure it out alone.

- Would you have wanted a dad to say 'it'll be okay, son'?

- Yeah.

- That's exactly it. I could hear that.

- That idea, yeah,

that we can get through it. - Don't worry.

- And on top of that,

I’m saying that, but I’m sure my mum, especially,

would’ve swallowed me up with her grief.

My dad—I don't know.

He was more reserved.

But he would've...

At the same time—they were my parents.

'It’ll be okay, my little one.'

- That's what I'm saying. - 'It'll be okay, my boy.'

(voice breaking) You see, that's it.

I did get comfort from friends.

But I didn't get

from a higher authority—something to look up to...

- Something that protects you.

- Above me, that was my parents.

- I totally get that.

Church bells

Soft music

- Look, it's there.

The school where Youri played for the first time.

Hey there, kids!

- Hi!

- Hi Stéphane. It's Matthias.

We’re at the door.

- Hello! - Hi.

- Nice to meet you, welcome to Jougne. - Thanks.

- It's big.

- Oh yeah, okay.

- You alright?

- A little nervous,

but I'll be fine.

Thanks.

- I don't know if I'm sad or...

happy to be here.

There's something about it... - I know.

I know, but...

- We don't know whether to be joyful or sad.

- Let's be joyful. - Yeah.

Let's be joyful.

- If we have to choose.

If we can choose, let’s choose to be joyful.

So, hello!

- First of all, hello!

- First, hello.

- Philippe.

Philippe. - Hello!

- HELLO, PHILIPPE!

- And I'm Matthias.

Matthias.

- Hi, Matthias.

- We're on a bike trip,

all the way to Turkey. - Wow!

- We're going to perform in every place we stop.

We're apprentice clowns.

We're not pros. - We're like clown first-graders.

- It's like we're in clown kindergarten—first grade level.

- It's not easy.

- Careful. - We're kind of scared.

- Heads up, we're starting.

Cheerful music

- Watch out—magic!

- Hey! - Hey!

- Those are my legs. - Careful...

- Look.

Oh!

Oh!

Magic!

Magic!

Come on, boy.

That was great, right? - Huh?

- That was great, right?

- Yeah, yeah!

- If this is harder than I thought,

this journey?

I feel like crying all the time, to be honest.

I thought the cycling would be tough,

that the physical pain would ease the emotional pain.

But I'm finding out it's not true.

- What's the hardest part for you?

Is it seeing me, or...

- I don't know. - Retracing his route?

- Going over the route again, thinking about Youri, all of that.

- I had the idea of retracing Youri's route,

but in a way to...

to keep him alive, you know—keep his memory alive.

Every stop, for me, is...

- That's what we're here for.

- It's really touching, and at the same time,

every stop reminds me that he's gone.

- Did I tell you about Roberto from Créteil?

When I was twelve,

we decided to go play baseball at the leisure center.

Just as we were starting, two guys showed up,

on mopeds asking for the bat, glove, the ball...

Basically, they were trying to rob us.

I told my friend Roberto to give them everything.

I was a little rich kid,

I didn't want to get beaten up by those aggressive guys.

And he said no.

"No, I'm not giving them anything.

"Do you know how much this costs?"

He wasn't scared, even though he was half my size.

And I ran away.

Literally, I ran.

And then I thought to myself, 'I'm not running away this time.'

Strangely,

I want to tell you I'm here for you.

I'm here for you—lean on me.

- No. We're there for each other.

This journey is together.

You can't just say you're there for me.

We're there for each other. I'm here for you too.

Imagine me alone out there, like a fool,

biking all day.

This makes sense now, you get it?

- That's exactly why I came.

- I don't have many friends.

I feel like sharing something together

is already a big deal.

So sharing a trip like this...

Instead of losing weight, I gained 10 kilos.

- Stress makes you put on weight.

- No, a nutritionist told me:

"You're gaining weight because you don't release your emotions."

And I was like, 'But I keep crying all the time.'

He said, 'You need to cry ten times more.'

- Come on, we'll lose weight—we'll go on a crying detox.

- Okay. - Will we see abs after that?

Can I get abs like Ronaldo?

I don't think so.

- Shall we go to bed?

Go to sleep? - Wait a sec.

Lucky, you could at least tidy up.

If he's a friend, he should help with chores.

- He'll lick the plates.

See, it's crazy...

- What?

- I can't sleep without you anymore.

- I'm coming. - We're like an old couple.

- I'm right beside you.

- Huh? - I'll read you a story.

Duck quack

'Speedo' (The Cadillacs)

- Wake up on the banks of the Rhine!

Go on, they're coming.

- They'll never catch us.

- A campervan would be perfect.

They stop for us.

Hi!

Is this alright?

Can we leave them there?

We're pedaling like crazy.

You stop every 150 meters. - No I don't.

I only stop every 20 kilometers.

Today we've only done five clicks.

You're telling me this is a bike path?

This is a path for building sandcastles.

I didn't pick out the route.

I get it. - I'm figuring it out as we go.

I'm not to blame.

Nobody's waiting for us anywhere.

I can ride. This ground's just soft.

It's not the same thing.

But me... - You got 39 gears, I only got 14.

I'm 60, you're 55.

You got a crazy bike.

Feels like we're in the Landes.

See that? What is that?

Is that the road? Does it say so?

We're gonna have to get back in the water.

No, no. You go over it.

Take a run-up and go for it.

I gotta take a running start?

Look, the dog can do it. Come on!

The dog's gonna make it.

Come on.

Come on, move!

See? It won't go through!

Told you!

You can put a foot in the water.

No, just wait a sec.

He's a funny guy.

Don't stand there. - Move!

Fuck! No, get outta here!

Go on, boy!

That works for me.

Can you do that? - That's nice.

One wheel.

Can you climb up there?

Sure. - Or do you get dizzy up high?

No dogs allowed here?

It's not a dog, it's a friend.

He can stay here. - Thank you, sir.

Okay, Lucky... - Stay here.

Your evening's gonna be more boring than planned.

We'll be back soon. - We'll bring you sausages.

See you in a bit.

It's kind of sad, though.

That one scares me a little, but I love fairs.

You're from up north — for you it's 'ducasses' (village fairs).

It was mostly how it was set up.

There used to be an empty spot,

and suddenly out of it

a whole wonderful world.

We're not that great. - I'm aiming for the stars.

Try to win the roses.

Thanks a lot.

Bye-bye. Here you go.

For you.

As a kid I loved the planes you could launch.

I always had my spot snatched.

When I was little there was always some kid quicker than me.

Let's hit the ghost train first.

Hope I don't get scared. - I love screaming.

Me too.

They scream.

Cheerful music

Cheers.

We already went that way.

Nope. You're already wasted.

Makes you want a beer with mates.

What a honeymoon success!

On the left. - Got it.

Watch out, you ran a red.

Right, wasn't it?

Yeah. - 'Kiss & Ride'!

There—our bus is right there.

To Vienna, yeah.

Vienna. - That's what I'm saying.

Okay, Vienna.

Give me your helmet.

You wanna keep it?

We aren't leaving Lucky in the luggage hold.

Come on!

How long...? Only 8 hours 40 left.

At this rate we'll be there fast.

Where's the minibar? We're running low on supplies.

In another carriage.

We gotta check out this bus.

We're gonna run errands. - We haven't even looked around.

The door's open, come on.

Don't count the hours. - Nope.

We get there tomorrow morning.

We've got one day and one night.

I'm not counting hours—I'm counting minutes.

Would you rather pedal?

Honestly? Yeah.

Surprisingly.

You're the one who wanted us to take the bus.

- I know.

And I regret it.

- It'd be hilarious to just ride off onto the highway on our bikes.

- Like undo their straps and the guy just drives off.

We'd stay hooked on so we don't make a scene...

- Like get dragged along.

- No, not that. - More like two stowaways.

Soft music

Maybe it's the fear of cancer.

- I'm not scared of dying.

I'm afraid of dying and leaving my kids behind.

What do you have to be scared of? We go through the same stuff.

It's too late to be afraid of dying now.

We're on the road.

- We're on the bus.

- I just don't want my kids to be unhappy about it.

Exactly.

But that...

- You can't stop it. - No.

- Whether you die now or in twenty years.

- In twenty years,

that's different, though.

You're right, maybe I should quit smoking.

I need to buy myself some time.

If my kids are 12 and 15,

it's not like they're 32 and all grown up...

- But like I said,

a father, a mother,

you need them all the time.

Look at the talks you have with an 85-year-old dad...

- I agree.

- They're useful. They help you to...

- But even him — I think it's a cycle repeating.

My father, who was my dad, becomes like my child.

That's where time has given us a chance.

When he takes his last breath, I'll be there to hold him.

Like when I was a kid — I wanted a hug from him.

He coughs.

Christ! What's up with Austria?

I must be allergic to some tree.

Doorbell

-Hello! - Hello!

- Matthias. - Adriana.

- Philippe.

-Do you speak English?

She speaks German.

-Deutsch.

-I'll show you around the apartment.

- Food.

- The kitchen.

- Food.

- Don't eat.

-I don't like crumbs on the carpet.

- The what?

They laugh.

- Alright.

- She doesn't like crumbs... - On the carpet.

- On the carpet.

-Or else, punishment.

-Ja!

- We're laughing because the translation is funny.

Translation into German

-OK.

She speaks German.

- The fridge.

-Here, mine.

Adriana.

Here, Adriana. Here...

Airbnb.

- Us.

- Of course.

-Don't touch the freezer.

-It's not ours... - Yeah.

Nein, nein, nein... Ja.

- Alright.

-Clean.

-You need to take your clothes off after the shower.

-Ja.

-Ja?

-Yeah, but it says...

-Ja, ja, ja.

- Go on, she freaks me out.

-One bed.

- Yeah, the door.

-Half-open during the day.

-Yes. - Yes.

- Half-open.

- Swim?

- Swim?

"The Blue Danube" (Johann Strauss II)

Speaks German - OK.

-Here!

-Schön.

- A bit rough around the edges, but we're good.

Speaks in German

Good evening!

- No thanks, no breakfast.

She's nice, though.

Yes, we are coming.

-Finished!

I can't get out.

- What?

- I didn't get bigger in the shower.

- No, of course not — you didn't magically get bigger in the shower.

You rubbed yourself with some 'growth' soap!

How did you get in? - I don't know.

But I did get in, for sure.

- That can't be a thing.

- Push. - I'm not pushing.

- Fuck!

- See?

You're such an idiot. - It's easier that way.

-It was complicated to "shower".

German dialogue

-Yes, finish!

- She freaks me out.

She's both cute and creepy.

I don't know... - 'Semi-open.'

- I'm torn — semi-open.

Semi-open... and punishment.

-Finish.

Scream of fright, then laughter

-No, but... - We were...

-Scusi, scusi.

-Both sides?

- She scares me — she's behind the door.

- It's really freaky.

-Go! - I'm sorry.

Good Lord.

Strain cry

I'm so sorry.

No way!

No!

I pressed the wrong spot.

- My son Youri

came to your place five years ago.

Do you remember?

Translation into German

-Nein.

-Nein?

- OK.

-Nein.

Soft music

Just look at the Danube.

- That's the Danube?

- The other side's beautiful too.

When Youri died,

I didn't want to feel guilty or pin the blame on someone.

I didn't want to say, 'It's because of this, that, the meds.'

'It's his last relationship's fault.'

I absolutely didn't want to...

to shift the blame onto someone else.

It was my fault as his father.

- No, that's not it.

- I didn't want there to be blame anywhere.

But that's impossible.

- It's like trying to find

a puzzle piece in a puzzle with who knows how many pieces.

He left with the final piece.

We'll never get the whole picture.

But you were good parents.

That has nothing to do with it.

His breakdown — what pushed this child to kill himself

has nothing to do with the fact that you were good...

I don't know how to put it.

A breakdown comes from somewhere else. But you can't...

Don't go hunting for that missing puzzle piece.

I forbid you from feeling guilty.

- It doesn't work like that. - I know.

- I told myself the same thing.

But the truth is, you can't.

You can't stop yourself from being consumed by it.

It's something...

And yet, God knows...

- I know, old man.

But I'm forbidding you.

I forbid you to go there — for God's sake.

I don't want

To die sober

To Ballantine's

- We have more booze than water.

- Uh, well...

You manage your water, I'll manage my alcohol.

That'll last me through the morning.

I want the people who knew me to remember me,

but after them, I'll be forgotten.

I have no ambition to leave a legacy.

- A work?

- Leaving a mark, a masterpiece — that's over.

- An achievement? - No.

- It doesn't come from creating something?

- No. You feel accomplished on your last breath.

"I did a good job."

- Stroke. - I'm kidding!

I'd love that. That would be... really something.

Me — who've always been kind of funny...

- Hm... - Yeah, still.

Will I have, as Reggiani said,

the strength to make one last pun, one last joke?

Will I pretend to die?

The whole family’s here

and you’re like...

Everyone’s crying, and you go, 'Hey!'

What?

- Often you kick the bucket when people all go out for a smoke.

- In palliative care they say nobody really believes they’re going to die.

Right up to the end, you don’t think you’re dying.

Even when the priest is standing over you,

all like 'come on',

you’re like, 'No! Not me.'

- With that thing, y’know...

'What did he say? I don't get a word.'

-'It’s off.'

'Crap, now there's music.'

I'm kidding!

We’re laughing, but it’s gonna happen to us one day.

Yeah, of course.

Youri, did you get it at 28?

That’s young. Now that I think about it, at 28

I wasn’t...

how do you put it, I wasn’t...

- Me neither. - I’m searching for the word.

-'Straightened.' - I wasn’t exactly put together.

At 28 I only cared about smoking joints.

Lucky for me back then I wasn’t having sex.

28 is young.

- That one's just drinking water,

but my grandfather used to do that.

He had one of those things and it made a hell of a noise.

- That’s the good part.

- He had really youthful skin.

We should do that in Turkey. - Do what?

- Get yourself a 'tête de Turc.'

- A 'tête de Turc'?

Show me what that looks like.

- They’ve got great looks.

- I don't have the stuff for that kind of mustache.

- Oh yes you do.

You don't need much of it.

He’ll give you a slick, well-laid hairstyle.

- It’s mostly the haircut.

Listen, I’ll do it.

We’ll see what I look like with a blow-dry.

- I’d like to go there. - Where?

-To the Yuri Gagarin statue.

- We should go.

But where is it? - I don’t know.

Birdsong

Do you hear that crick-crick?

- Yeah. - Like an old 33 RPM record.

Listen — an old 33 that’s crackling.

Gravel - I can hear it.

It’s true, damn.

We put the vinyl on the turntable.

You put your foot, your head like that.

There’s a little moment just like that.

Light, cheerful music

When you mentioned a bike path, I pictured something flat.

- What? - I’m being dumb.

- What?

- When you talked about the bike path,

I imagined a flat route crossing all of Europe.

I know that’s not possible, but her and me,

we won’t get along like that.

- I never said, 'It’s flat all the way to Turkey.'

- That’s funny. What comes to mind is...

I’d like, at the end of my life,

to be able to tell myself — and for others to say —

that I was a good man.

And I wonder what a 'good man' actually is.

Where is 'good' located?

Is it possible to be a genuinely good person?

To satisfy everyone around you

and in the world?

To not be a nuisance?

I'm not sure.

- Like aiming for forgiveness, in the end.

- Something like that. I mean a good man,

but what is a good father,

a good man to his kids, to his wife,

a good person?

Was Jesus a good man?

That's my question.

Is walking around in sandals...

- I think I’ve gotten better.

- That’s the meaning of life: getting better and better.

- Better and better.

- Being a good person is about trying to become one.

Until the last minute, keep trying to improve.

That’s what being a good person is.

It’s not saying 'I’m great,'

but: 'I still have so much to work on

and I’ll die without finishing.'

'But I will have made progress.'

- I never really asked myself what the meaning of life was.

Not until now.

No.

Just being alive felt like more than enough.

And now Youri’s death brings all these thoughts.

It brings such absurdity. I mean, you’re...

And on top of that, you can't make sense of it.

You can't search for meaning, so in the end...

Soft music

That's Matthias Church. - Oh, cool.

- It even has my name on it.

- It's beautiful.

All that for God — but it's beautiful.

- It's dedicated to Saint Matthias.

Budapest.

I want a picture with my dog. - Go for it.

'The trembling chien.'

-See you later, man.

-See you soon.

Are you hoping for anything from this trip?

I wonder.

Honestly, I'm asking myself that too.

Aside from just keeping you company.

- Me, I'm hoping for something.

It's more like 'waiting,' yeah.

Some kind of peace.

- Okay.

- A peace from having completed it,

of having done the whole journey,

from start to finish.

- But do you think you'll feel even a little consoled at the end?

Is there something...

that's becoming

a source of consolation?

"I make peace with this tragedy

"and turn it into something else"? - No.

No, I can't make peace with it.

Like you said,

Is Youri pushing us to do that?

What is he pushing me to become?

We were just talking about what a good guy he was.

I'm a better man since he died. It's awful to admit.

- It's awful, but it's the truth.

- For me, my heart has opened up.

I think and live differently now.

Suddenly, everything's changed.

This trip brings...

it's already bringing a lot of...

a lot of freedom...

how to put it? I almost said 'joy.'

It brings air — a breath of fresh air.

- After all, like you, I guess,

every day I tell Youri:

"Man, look at your old dad and his buddy,

"and the old dog.

"We're out here looking for you,

"we're paying you tribute." I tell him that.

On the bike, I tell him that.

"The way you did things pisses us off, but you taught us a lesson."

Yeah, babe,

it's Doudou calling. I wanted to give you an update.

Listen, we're at...

Saint Matthias — some big church

in Budapest.

What else can I say?

It's a pretty good little challenge.

I miss the kids, but I can't tell Matthias

that I want to see them when he won't see his son again.

So it's complicated.

It's tiring, but we're okay.

We're moving forward.

I think Matthias is... can I say 'happy'?

Matthias is...

He's getting on with it, you know.

Yeah. Call me when you get a chance.

Bye, babe.

Melancholic music

- It's delicious. You have no idea what you're missing.

- You're the one who doesn't know.

- I know exactly what I'm missing out on.

- Try this. - That's sugar.

- That one makes you slim down.

- That one makes holes in your stomach.

That... - Well, that makes a stomach.

It puffs up your stomach. No more holes.

We'd need a hybrid stomach.

Yours and mine combined.

Yours needs to be well protected. - Yeah.

- You could add schnapps. - That makes holes.

- The result's the same. We're gonna croak.

- That's a stroke.

- That's diabetes then a stroke. They'll amputate you first,

then you have a stroke right in your chair.

I'd die straight away.

Lively music

- We're near Dracula's castle.

- What a place! You'd have to suck blood to pay for that.

Does he sell vials of blood?

We take a look and then we get out of here.

'-Arpasu de Jos?'

- Keep going straight.

I think that's clear.

- Thanks!

- Goodbye!

Shit, dogs again? - Again.

- It's a dog breeding operation,

Romania.

Barking

Shut up!

- Will you shut up!

- It's a breeding ground for wild dogs. They release them by the hundreds.

Or maybe that's just the Romanian welcome.

- They're kinda 'friendly'.

We're back on the road to Brașov.

- Not bad. - Pretty good. 96 km to go.

- Let's keep moving. - Come on.

We're heading downtown.

Horn

- This is absolute nonsense.

What a mess.

- Take a right!

- Yeah, I'm trying to get us out of here.

- Come on. - Get off this road.

Do they grow toilet paper out here?

This is where it grows.

- The sunset's nice.

- But we're far from the tobacco shop.

It's pretty, but...

We're gonna pitch the tent miles from anywhere, with three mangy dogs...

- The dogs are fine—we're out of their turf.

- Matthias, we're in Romania.

I don't have anything against Romanians, but this is the middle of nowhere.

This isn't Angoulême or the neat hedgerows of Normandy.

- I never said we'd be booking Airbnbs.

- Nor did I say I was risking my life.

- It's not like you're risking your life.

- Yes. Being scared means I'm putting my life at risk.

After nearly getting run over by a car.

- They're kind of rock'n'roll.

You get a guy who's actually lively and you freak out.

- The guy who nearly ran me over at 120 km/h?

Take him as a friend,

the lively guy going 120 km/h.

I nearly kicked it!

I'm not here to risk my life!

If you don't give a damn, I do!

You really don't care!

Shit!

Tell me I'm not crazy.

Tell me: 'Yeah, Phil, that was dangerous.'

Say it!

- Yeah, it was dangerous! Especially since you were drunk.

You scare me.

More than the cars doing 130!

- You scare me too, and I'm not giving you a hard time.

Am I nagging you about what you eat?

It freaks me out.

- What does that have to do with it? - Carlos, the singer, died from it!

- I'm not getting run over by a car.

- You don't know.

I wouldn't say you were wasted,

but that some reckless driver ran you over.

You'll tell people I got run over because I was drunk?

Great friendship, huh!

You gonna tell it like that?

You're gonna say that about me?

"The guy was drunk, he got run over."

The car was doing 20 km/h and I cut it off at 160?

I'm not an idiot!

Being an alcoholic doesn't make you stupid!

A friend isn't a traitor.

Some asshole nearly ran him over on his crappy bike.

He was drunk because he was scared.

Because he was sad!

Distant barking

- There's a campsite nearby.

- What?

- I found a campsite.

- OK, good. I'm not asking much.

Just to be safe. - Yeah, that's fine.

- I'm sorry. - Me too.

- I got scared, so...

- I was scared too. That's why we shouted.

We argue over nothing.

- We're just exhausted, that's all.

- The red dot with the red dot. - Right, got it.

That wasn't clear to me. Now I get it.

- Better late than never, like my mum used to say.

My late, very annoying mother.

I'm getting annoying too.

That's the problem.

- It's called... - Aging.

- You can't escape your patterns. - It's raining, so we hurry.

Barking

There are more dogs over there.

- Can you put the phone on him? - It's videos for dogs.

- He actually thinks the guy on the screen...

- He likes those videos.

Imagine if we were like that in front of the TV.

You watch TV and you...

My aunt Marie-Louise

used to spit on her TV.

Whenever she saw a right-wing guy.

Sometimes she was mistaken. "Oh, he's a communist."

She'd clean the screen.

- In that book, Richard Brautigan learns a friend has died

and he said to another friend:

'Emotion, flowers of nothingness.

'I love you.'

Okay, good night.

I think that's really beautiful.

'Emotion, flowers of nothingness. I love you.'

Soft music

Cry of joy

Paris!

'Parigi.'

- Can we go any faster? Come on, giddy up!

'Ja!'

- Hello!

- Hi!

Are you French? - Yes!

- Because we saw you.

And we're looking for somewhere to camp.

- No problem.

- Great!

- Thanks, Emil.

Is that okay with you? - Matthias.

- Laurent. - Nice to meet you.

- Where are you from? - Paris.

- Nice to meet you. - Bye, Laurent.

- We just came from Montreuil.

- We're cyclists.

- I'm from Normandy.

- Do you mind if we set up our tent here?

- There's plenty of room in the yard.

Do whatever you want.

- The house burned down?

- You shouldn't smoke in bed. That's basic.

- It was a big blow. It burned down a year and a half ago.

It's not easy, but that's how things are.

- And you,

are you a photographer?

A Norman,

here, in Romania.

In the middle of Romania.

- The Norman of the Carpathians. - Yeah.

That's you. We came across him.

We expected bears and wolves, but not the Norman of the Carpathians.

- And you, what are you doing here?

- We're retracing the...

the trip my son took five years ago.

He left La Rochelle by bike

and rode all the way to Turkey.

- Mm-hmm. - And actually...

he hanged himself a year ago.

So...

as a tribute, a way to retrace his route

to think of him,

we took the bikes

and we're going to Istanbul to see Marzi.

She's the last woman

to whom Youri said 'I love you.'

- It's not a sad journey; it's a journey that has to...

how to put it...

It's actually an ode to life.

We won't bring him back, but we're bringing him back to life, right?

I feel like we're doing this to find something...

to create life out of death.

But who knows what we'll find at the end of the road.

But it's not easy.

- What did he do for a living?

- He was a clown.

- That was his job?

- He was a clown and a musician.

He performed in the street.

So we did too...

- We trained as clowns.

- We have an act with a dog and a magic trick.

- Is it rude to ask

why he took his life, if he left any note?

- No, he didn't leave a note.

There was a convergence of events.

- There's no single reason.

Suicide is a mental illness that kills.

- I'm trying to find a reason. - Yes — as a father.

- There were contributing factors.

It’s also tied to childhood, so you look in that direction too.

- And you can end up feeling guilty. - Of course.

- Who has never thought about ending their life?

You think about it, but you know you won't do it.

- Did you think about it after the fire?

- No, no. I was very sad,

but had moments of depression,

at the end of your rope, where you want to throw everything away,

that happens.

You don't want to die, you just don't want to live like that anymore.

That doesn't mean acting on it.

But inevitably, some people do.

- But as something unreasoned, impulsive.

My favorite actor, Patrick Dewaere, took three days to kill himself,

and everything he showed during that time

made it look like he was fine.

He had put everything in place,

like a temporary madness.

The problem is that some passing bouts of madness can kill.

Suicide kills.

I went through a brief bout of madness—about two and a half months.

But I never once considered killing myself.

Inside me, as Camus put it, there was an 'invincible summer.'

I just didn’t want to lose my mind.

Don’t try to find reasons, there aren’t any.

- It’s tough on the people left behind.

Especially when the roles get flipped.

- When it’s not how things are supposed to be.

- It’s the kid who ends up watching you die.

That’s why I think what you’re doing takes courage;

what you’re doing.

- We’re trying to hold on to life.

- This whole year I’ve been doing a bunch of things to...

for Youri—sort of to keep him alive, in a way.

We retrace the route, rediscover paths,

his photos, we piece things back together.

And now we’re off to see Marzi.

There’s something...

joyful. You find joy along the way.

That’s it. - Mm-hmm.

Remarks in Romanian

- Hello.

It’s a little show.

"Of Which Americas" (Serge Reggiani)

There she is.

A balloon!

Sound of a balloon deflating

Magic!

I’m just a passenger on the booze train.

OK.

I’m not exactly a party animal.

I’m beat—totally wiped out.

- No, you are a bon vivant.

- No, I’m an exhausted live one.

Antonio DiLello.

Back then we used last names to address each other.

- Yeah, of course.

This is the first time I’ve done something out of friendship.

It’s the first time, you know.

That I do something for friendship, I didn’t even have time to think it over.

You suggested this route and I said yes.

If I’d had time to think, I’d have said no.

But I didn’t, and I kept thinking...

It’s the first time I’m truly a friend,

deliberately choosing to be a friend.

And at the same time, what’s the point?

I don’t know what...

what a friend can do for you where you are.

I didn’t even know I could be a friend,

that I could be there,

out in the middle of Romania, with wolves around,

with a guy and saying, 'If you want, we’ll go cycling.'

'If you don’t feel like it, we don’t have to.'

'If you want us to brush the dog, I’m down.'

It’s the first time... Gunshot

Oh my God.

Mind if I move a bit closer?

Not for a hug—just, you know, be nearer.

I’ll stand behind the dog.

- They’re shooting at us.

They’re shooting at us now.

- What a paradox—it's insane.

Your kid just gave me one of the best moments of my life, damn.

It really is a crazy paradox.

It’s just something wild.

Sorry, old man.

Distant barking

Oh, shit.

Sobbing

You’re smiling, okay?

Please.

(crying) Wait.

Sobbing

- Let’s get out of here.

- It’s fine, go on. I want the photo.

Just because I’m crying doesn’t mean...

- No, but smile.

- I’ll smile—give me three minutes.

Also, when I picked his name,

we naturally thought of Gagarin.

- No wonder he ended up here.

- Yeah.

And his clown name was 'Youri Margarine.'

- Not bad.

- Had to come up with that.

Alright, old man...

Shall we head off?

- Come on, bye, Youri.

So what now—wanna hit the beach?

- We’re gonna enjoy the Black Sea.

- Contrary to what you’d think, it’s not actually black.

- Well, it is dark.

Seagulls calling

- My God, we did it.

We’ve come a hell of a way.

- From the Atlantic to the Black Sea—by bike.

- Or almost—damn.

- Two men and a little dog.

- Two men and a dog.

- Look.

If the two of us do it, that makes two Y's.

- Hey, kid! - Hey!

It's us! - We're here!

We're here, damn it!

Youri, we're here! - We're here!

'Sorry baby' (Rana Mansour)

This place is crazy.

- Keep all the way to the right!

- He looks like you.

- That's why I picked him.

Cem Karaca.

Where is it? - The key's over there. The photo.

- Is that the key?

- No, I need to call him.

But it's tied to the key.

I recognize the photo.

It's Matthias.

Yes, I'm calling...

We're here.

With my friend.

Okay, five minutes. We'll wait.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

Where are you?

What do you mean, 'downstairs'?

Soft music

Well, damn.

- Where is he? - No idea, he said 'downstairs.'

Josef!

- Dad? - Jo!

- Dad? - He's here!

- Oh, fuck!

What are you doing here?

- I came to meet Marzi with you.

- You okay, big boy?

- How are you, uncle? - You good, kid?

- Shit, the keys!

Fuck!

Wait. - No, no!

Hold on. Wait—I do have the keys.

I have the keys. Damn, I didn't know.

I don't have the right key. - What?

- It's not the right one.

- Oh, fuck!

- What a shitty world.

- Wait, I'll call the Airbnb host.

- Good God almighty!

- Stop, you're making me tear up.

- We're gonna see Marzi.

For the first time, I'm glad to see someone I don't know.

We saw her in a photo, though. She's cute.

- Me, on FaceTime with Youri.

When he was in Iran.

She's an actress.

- Little man, it's okay.

It'll be fine.

- Good you came.

Soft music

- It's beautiful.

- Son.

- Dad.

- I'm tired of being an idiot. I'm done!

That's true.

This makes me a little uncomfortable, guys.

What?

You'll be that way to the end.

Your old man and your uncle.

- Kinda looks like an 'escort.' Come on, let's go.

Look.

- Doesn't that give you strength? - Hell yeah.

This life and no other. - See?

- This life and no other.

- After that, we gotta get uncle back.

We need to bring him home.

- Don't worry. - I actually like this.

Turns out, I like this.

- You gotta get older to enjoy it.

I'm a bit too young to really dig it.

- You're embarrassed 'cause you're thinking ugly thoughts.

Think of beautiful things.

Think of them as your dad and your uncle!

Upbeat music

You good, guys? - Nervous as hell.

- She won't eat us. - For sure.

- Let's rehearse.

What's your name?

- Matthias.

- Josef.

- In English. 'I am Matthias.'

Hello, Marzi.

Welcome.

Nice to meet you.

- That's as far as my English goes.

Nice to meet you. Would you like something to drink...

- Fuck, she's here.

Hey, Marzi!

Come on in. Welcome!

Welcome, Marzi.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Josef.

The brother.

For you, wonderful dad.

Thank you so much. Thanks.

This is Philippe. Hi, Marzi.

How are you?

(In English)

Youri was so much more than just a boy to me.

He changed my life.

We laughed so much together.

How do you say "his laugh was wonderful"?

His laugh.

His laugh was marvelous.

Yes, truly.

He had a big smile,

like a brother and a father.

The first time I asked him

his name,

he said, 'I'm Youri Gagarin.'

Gagarin.

Youri Gagarin — you know him? From space.

Yes.

They call him the man of space.

Yes — the man of space!

He wanted to be like him.

I should say something before that,

because I'm from Iran.

Iran is...

a closed country, and our culture is very conservative.

Youri had

something special about him.

He embodied my dream.

He improvised through life.

He used to say, 'I'm a clown.'

You have to be very brave to laugh

and to make others laugh.

Is this mine?

Yes, it's your book now.

Thank you.

Thank you for giving us

this wonderful boy.

Melancholic music

Presente! Presente!

Presente. Presente.

To Youri. To Youri.

Youri.

Upbeat music

Thank you, Marzi!

Last night I dreamed of Youri.

He was beautiful.

He was young — about 17.

And he kept saying:

'I'm alive, Dad. I'm alive.'

And I said, 'No — you're dead.'

He said, 'No, I'm alive.'

At one point he put his hand on a treadmill,

like the ones in gyms, you know, to run.

His hand disappeared, and then came back.

He was showing me he could vanish and return.

Vanish and come back.

Over and over, forever.

I thought maybe, that's what death is.

A change of state.

He is still alive.

So that's it...

I'd rather believe that than think there's nothing left of Youri.

That he's there, all trapped inside it.

We just can't see him — he speaks to us through the people he sends.

We don't have any prayers.

But we can say something.

You left so quickly.

You only live on in my dreams.

I drown my sorrows in a glass,

hoping you'll come back.

I remember your laugh,

and I put it into rhyme.

Every memory causes me pain,

because each of your smiles hid a sigh.

I thought you were getting better,

not knowing things were getting worse.

I was scared, I didn't dare tell you.

You do what you can to hold yourself together.

It takes courage to end it.

I can't believe it, I never saw it coming.

Give grandma a kiss for me.

Tell her my grief is getting worse.

Without you, it's just not the same.

How could love have lied to me?

When we were kids we fought over the armrest before we grew up.

I watch you in the hallways.

It's crazy how much you inspire me.

We compare ourselves — I copy you in your wild ideas.

Look.

Look at what you managed to build.

And everything you could have achieved

if you hadn't wanted to die.

This is only a goodbye.

You sure? You don't want to come?

I can't.

In three months, in Montreuil. Be careful.

Be very careful.

Look out for one another.

Hey, Lu.

I didn't say goodbye. See you, buddy.

- He puts his glasses on.

Come on.

It's really big, though.

We could've done it tandem...

- No!

- We'd be in China.

- At this point we'd be halfway across the world.

Take care, you two.

- Wait — together.

Three, two, go!

Philippe yells.

Here! - Here!

-Here!

Soft music