Original subtitles

Uh, hi, Ozzy.

Don't get weird, but you're about to hit a deer.

Peak in New York. Next stop.

Ozzy Graham reporting on StarCraft, a support group for people who believe

they've been abducted by aliens and meet in a Catholic church for some reason.

It has been 302 days since I last saw my wife, Debbie,

and I'm starting to think that she may never come back. As many of you know, we

were taken during a camping trip 10 years ago by the reptilians.

And it seems to me that they've come back to finish the job.

Why is he writing?

Chelsea, we discussed this.

He's a journalist, and we agreed that he could write an article about the group.

I didn't agree to that. I clearly said, Chelsea, that if this makes anyone

uncomfortable, they don't have to participate today. Just to assure

your real names will not be used in this article.

Well, it's too late now. No, it's not. I don't have to. It's too late now.

Okay, reptilians.

are shapeshifters. They are psychopathic. They live amongst us.

.S. president, past and current, was a reptilian.

Nixon? Nixon.

Reagan? Reagan.

Lincoln? Lincoln. One of the most lizard -y presidents out there.

What? One of the biggest.

Wow. They've lived amongst us for centuries.

There's actually a number of theories on that.

It's a stone -cold fact, Jerry, and you know it. I'm just saying, there are

different kinds of aliens with different agendas. Just to be clear, Were all of

you abductees? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Ah, cool, bro. And then he says that. We

very much prefer the term experiencer to abductees. It just gives us a little

more agency.

Calling someone an abductee is a lot like slut -shaming. Sorry. Did you all

experiences with reptilians?

No. Mine were greys.

Big heads.

Little bodies.

Massive, wet, soulless eyes.

Mm -hmm.

mine look like ryan gosling or like a young paul newman but albino and nine

tall figures i get visited by less than many he got ryan gosling the reptilians

are the ones you have to watch out for ozzie the others are inconsequential

thank you

Stair cross.

It's like a weirdo's circus of attention -seekers and paranoid delusionals. Hey,

man.

Hey.

Car's running if you still want a lift.

Yeah.

Well, thanks for giving me a lift. My car's in the shop. Oh, bummer. What

happened? I hit a deer.

Feel free to reach out if you need any technical consulting with your

journalistic endeavors.

I'm also an advocate for legalization.

Yeah, the two kind of complement each other, don't they? Yeah, they totally

Call any time. You're never bothering me.

Oh, God, life is cruel.

Hey, man.

You're very special.

Hey, it's you.

Oh, no!

Sorry,

I haven't been sleeping too well lately.

But I'm fine.

Jonathan Walsh will see you now.

Uh, hey, Jonathan? Dude, I'm reading your alien support group thing.

I don't like it. You don't? No.

I freaking love it.

Oh, wow.

That's an impressive task.

Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah, I asked for a smaller office, but they billed me this instead.

Anyway, fantastic piece of clickbait. I'm hungry for more.

There's no more. It's a silly article about some harmless weirdos who believe

aliens. Yeah, but why do these harmless weirdos believe in aliens?

My last two articles before this were about prison reform and gun control.

That's what I should be covering. Look.

I know you want a Pulitzer.

Never want a Pulitzer, John. Well, we're going to get you one because you're

amazing. But here's the thing, buddy.

It's your first week back since the car accident. I knew it. I knew it. No,

look, I am fine, all right? I hit a deal with my car. It's not a big deal.

People do that all the time. And I've seen worse things on assignment. When I

covered Occupy Wall Street, I got tased three times.

Three times by the same cop. And you will be tased again, I promise.

Just get me one more draft of this. Fine. One more draft, and then I'm done

a tinfoil hat beat. Dude, a billion percent. Yes.

I guess I could buy some pot.

Yeah, I'm having office hours right now.

Just swing by and we can talk it out.

Oh, sorry. Gotta go.

Hey, asshole!

You working or what? Come on!

Welcome to the Nerve Center.

What do you think?

It's efficient.

Got my research library there.

My star chart's up overhead.

And the crown jewel, Beacon, has the highest number of reported alien

encounters on the East Coast.

And it all starts here, 200 feet to your left, in 1962.

An average young couple return home from a cocktail party.

For reasons unknown, they decide to park in the middle of this field.

When, boom!

Aliens got him. You didn't know I was going to say that.

What were you going to say?

Aliens got him.

I'm telling you, Ozzie.

There's dickery afoot in Beacon. Alien dickery.

With my expertise and your connections, we can blow the lid off this town.

We can be like Han and Luke or Woodstein and Birdbomb.

Woodward and Bernstein? Yeah, any of those guys. Take your pick. I'm Han.

I think this is where my accident happened.

I keep seeing that sign in my dreams. You had your accident in Beacon?

You hit a deer and you're dreaming about it? People hit deer all the time,

Jerry. It's not that unusual.

You're right.

It's textbook.

Look, if I wanted to interview the rest of your group, do you think you could

set that up? Yeah.

I could engineer that outcome.

Totes.

So you're a farmer.

What's that like?

Oh, pretty run -of -the -mill, I guess. Grow some stuff.

Kill some stuff.

The soil's so rich, man. Because it's pig shit.

Working for the post office, you get to knock on everybody's door, and you see

all kinds of things. Believe you me.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Like what?

Naked people mostly.

This is off the record, right?

Mm -hmm. I'm a receptionist at the funeral home. Nothing to be ashamed of.

temp. Part -time.

I'm a part -time temp at a funeral home.

But... Just until your band makes it, right? There's no band.

I'm the VP of a major tech company.

But do not use the name or you will be sued.

And what does your company do?

Have you ever heard of something called the Internet?

We manufacture the little plastic jacks at the end of Ethernet cables that gets

you onto the Internet.

So. I'm a homemaker, okay?

That sounded defensive, didn't it? No, no.

A little. Can you just put me down as a neurologist?

I moved to this retirement community after my husband died.

Yeah, and I hated it at first, but the sex here is amazing.

Oh, yeah, yeah. After 60, everybody just goes for it.

And what can you tell me about your alien experience?

Oh, it was pretty late.

It was around midnight.

I just got back from a terrible date, which was just a normal date for me.

And I thought I'd just go to bed.

But... I couldn't sleep that night for some reason. I just kept waking up.

I saw this dark shape in the corner of the room.

But this time it wasn't my ex -husband.

So I went down to the kitchen for a late night snack, which I never do.

And I sensed this presence behind me.

Hi, Margaret.

Don't get weird.

Hold on.

It said, don't get weird. Don't get weird, yeah. What happened next?

Well, I didn't. Even though it was weird, Ozzy, he was just so... Laid

Reptilians are a calm species.

Quite often they are in positions of authority.

Many of my former bosses were reptilians in human form.

They're telepathic, which makes it difficult to get a raise. Richard,

So... When we woke up, we were in some kind of examination room, and it was all

white.

It was like a futuristic bathroom in a ballpark.

And they started poking at me.

Those little gray bastards.

Tall, Nordic -looking lizard people.

When they were done, I will never forget.

They looked me right in the eyes.

You will never believe what they said.

You are special.

You are special.

Isn't that neat?

Fascinating. I know this might be difficult, so I usually like to start

interviews with just a few basic questions.

Oh, I'm not here to talk about my experience, Ozzy.

I'm much more interested in hearing about yours.

I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't have an experience.

Sorry to blow up your spot, man. I told her about your accident.

What is this, like, some kind of an intervention?

No. What would you say if I told you that car accidents involving animals are

sometimes cover memories used to mask alien encounters?

They cover them.

They cover them up.

All right, this has been a fascinating journey into alternate realities, but I

need to get back to the real world. We can't help you unless you let us in,

Ozzie. No judgments, man, just love. Look, I hit a deer. It happens.

All the time.

Okay. Excuse me if I pin this one on nature and not alien.

Just let me ask you one last thing.

What happened after the accident?

Did you call the police? Animal care and control.

You don't remember, do you?

Don't get weird. You're very special.

Blowing my napkin? You're sweating a lot, man. No, I'm not.

It's hot in here. We're all hot.

I... have been working with experiencers for almost six months. I know one when

I see one. We do have a pretty good eye, man.

Hey, Father Doug, what's up? I'm reading about my church's sponsorship of an

alien cult in a major news site, and I'm just trying to process that without

screaming.

You promised you wouldn't use actual names. That was an old draft. It wasn't

supposed to be published.

You know how much damage control I have to do now. We'll be lucky if we don't

get kicked out of our room. I don't know how this happened, Gina. I swear. Good

luck with those non -existent nightmares.

They only get worse. Come on, Gina.

Gina.

You published my unfinished article with everybody's names and the name of the

church. Okay, clearly mistakes were made.

How do you mistakenly turn a human interest piece into some kind of a

job? It's super bizarre, and we're looking into it. Here.

No. Okay, fine.

Now look, the best thing you can do right now is just break off contact.

No, I can't. I need to make sure they're okay.

Hey, in all fairness, you did call these people weirdos. So there's no reason to

ruin somebody's life.

Everybody's a weirdo. I'm a weirdo. You're a weirdo. No, I'm not. Yes, you

You work in an airplane hangar, and you drive a desk.

Okay, you're upset, and you're saying things you don't mean. Oh, no, I know

exactly what I'm saying, and if this is how you want to operate, you can do it

without me.

Okay, no problem.

We'll circle back and touch base later.

I need you to forward my calls. I need to clean out my...

You need to clean up your what?

No,

no, no, no.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, everything's fine.

Everyone in here, they all had deer, deer heads.

I'm going to go.

And let's all thank Father Doug for smoothing things over with Our Lady of

People here are actually still pretty upset.

that's why i wanted to round of applause father's up you

know what just if anyone asks

starcrossed is a division of aa that's good okay excuse me i owe

everyone in this room a huge apology there's forgiveness here for everyone

take it from here father look when i came here i thought you were all sad

Broken weirdos.

After spending the last week getting to know you all, I think I might be broken,

too. We know.

But there's only one way to find out for sure.

Just focus on my finger and start counting backwards.

Wow,

that was a record.

Where are you now, Ozzy? What's happening?

I'm driving.

Night, I think I'm about to hit the deer. It's not real. It's just a memory.

Oh my God, that is so creepy.

I'm flying!

Hey, bud.

Don't get weird, okay?

Where are you now, Ozzy?

I'm not sure.

Everything's blurry.

Are you sure he's out? He's totally out. Calm down.

I hear voices.

I'm just saying he doesn't look like he's out.

His head just moved. Dude, the ship. The ship is rocking right now.

Okay. All I'm saying is we've been here before. I know my freaking job, Jeff.

Guys, guys, guys.

Can we not fight? We're almost there, okay?

Let's just be cool and get this done.

Great. We're getting cool lessons from Don.

Hey, Don.

I've got an idea.

Okay, forget it. Forget I said anything. Why don't you get off our asses and go

make us a couple sandwiches?

Okay, he's looking right at me. Shit. Hang on.

Shit. I know my freaking job, Jeff. Oh, eat a dick.

It's not like you can remember any of this.

We're just going to wipe his mind telling him he's special and send him on

way like all the others.

We'll rule them all soon anyway.

What does that mean, special like all the others?

You hit the trifecta, buddy. He made contact with a reptilian, a gray, and a

white at the same time.

That's like having dinner with a unicorn.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You all right? You okay, Ozzie? I just need some air.

Take it easy there. Good.

Just me there.

Okay, guys.

Rulethal? That seems to be the most pressing thought here.

Hi.

How you doing, buddy?

I'm either losing my mind or I was abducted by aliens, so I'm doing pretty

great, Jerry.

If it makes you feel any better, you were totally amazing back there. Why

that make me feel any better?

Some people would give their right arm for an experience like that.

Those people are out of their goddamn minds.

I'm one of them.

You know why I didn't tell you about my experience?

Because I never had one.

I've been trying to make contact for years.

I even got this crappy job next to a famous abduction site.

But they still don't want me.

They just want people like you.

Don't even believe in them.

I'll get out of your hair.

Wait, Jerry.

Wait.

You're right.

There is dickery afoot in Beacon, and maybe it's aliens.

Totally aliens.

Or maybe it's something else, like...

I don't know, angry teenagers or the government. Maybe it's like a Tuskegee

experiment thing. All I know is something happened to me, and something

to those people in there, and I need to find out what it is. And I can't do that

alone.

I need your help.

So you in?

Can I be hung?

Fine. I'm in. Oh!

All right, burn bomb.

You are very special.

Thanks, buddy.

You too.

I'm not really used to this, but I had a pretty good week. I quit my job. Well,

I'm just really worried about you, bud.

Nancy said you stormed out of here the other day because everyone, and I quote,

had deer heads.

But I found a new one here in Beacon.

You work for the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, and Bankland Enterprise,

and you want to work here.

I'm interested in all things Beacon, so it looks like I'll be sticking around

for a while.

My name is...

Ozzy Graham, and I'm maybe, maybe, possibly an

experiencer.

We don't stand?

No, we don't say last names either.

Oh, really?

Yeah, get me the financials on the Beacon Daily Gazette.

They're doing some interesting stuff on the local level. It might be nice to be

involved.

Just do it, Edward. Don't get weird.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah. I just went down the wrong tube.

I... Oh, thanks.

Better?

Got it. Apple.

Great.

Grab a medal, man. A medal? Congratulations for doing your job. I'm

today. I'm going to cry again. I'm not crying. Okay, you know what? I'm not

crying yet. You guys do this. I go back to that. John, we're just kidding, man.

We're done.

Come back here.

Would you hug him, for God's sake?

It's worse than having a puppy. It is, yeah.

God!