Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,434 --> 00:00:11,454
2
This is the beginning
2
00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:12,856
of a gender war.
3
00:00:12,956 --> 00:00:14,657
BARBARA: It's a sign.
I'm the Doe.
4
00:00:14,757 --> 00:00:16,419
Sign there and you're one of us.
5
00:00:16,519 --> 00:00:17,500
ELISE: Prue knows something.
6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,580
BARBARA: OK, we'll go
to the party,
7
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:19,701
we'll find out what they know.
8
00:00:19,801 --> 00:00:21,463
ELISE: If I win, you'll tell us
9
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,904
who the...
(CLEARS THROAT) ..is.
10
00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:23,945
Kaye Blanchett.
11
00:00:24,045 --> 00:00:24,946
PRUE: Scott and Lyle
12
00:00:25,046 --> 00:00:26,107
both broke up with her.
13
00:00:26,207 --> 00:00:27,548
ELISE: Wait. Where's Barbara?
14
00:00:27,648 --> 00:00:29,029
Barbara! Barbara!
15
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,671
-I'm the Doe.
-Not without your Buck.
16
00:00:30,771 --> 00:00:32,192
Stretch, do you have your Doe?
17
00:00:32,292 --> 00:00:34,854
-STUDENTS: ACAB! ACAB! ACAB!
-I'm doing this for you!
18
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:37,937
BARBARA: Come on.
19
00:00:40,459 --> 00:00:41,800
('ROSES' BY ELISHIA)
20
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,902
♪ My feelings rising
21
00:00:44,822 --> 00:00:47,084
♪ Try not compromise this
22
00:00:47,184 --> 00:00:50,007
♪ We're in too deep now
to leave it
23
00:00:50,107 --> 00:00:53,230
♪ We're already playing
with demons
24
00:00:54,751 --> 00:00:57,093
♪ I ask the questions
25
00:00:57,193 --> 00:01:00,175
♪ You keep me second-guessing
26
00:01:00,275 --> 00:01:01,657
♪ You have your hands up... ♪
27
00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:03,899
Come on.
28
00:01:03,999 --> 00:01:04,899
Get up.
29
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:07,161
♪ In the night, night... ♪
30
00:01:09,643 --> 00:01:11,645
(DOOR SHUTS)
31
00:01:21,573 --> 00:01:23,115
Officer Shepherd!
32
00:01:23,215 --> 00:01:25,216
(QUIRKILY UNSETTLING MUSIC)
33
00:01:28,819 --> 00:01:32,002
(SINGER VOCALISES)
34
00:01:32,102 --> 00:01:36,666
(UPWARDS GLISSANDO INTO SCREAM)
35
00:01:39,669 --> 00:01:43,412
(QUIRKY OPERATIC SINGING)
36
00:01:43,512 --> 00:01:46,094
And how often do you
sleep at home, Bibi?
37
00:01:46,194 --> 00:01:48,196
-Am I OK to call you Bibi?
-No!
38
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:49,897
Hey, does my nose
39
00:01:49,997 --> 00:01:51,298
look infected to you?
40
00:01:51,398 --> 00:01:52,499
Ooh, Elise, gross!
41
00:01:52,599 --> 00:01:53,740
Oh.
42
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,102
You're processing a break-up,
43
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:56,102
a social rejection.
44
00:01:56,202 --> 00:01:57,263
I get it.
45
00:01:57,363 --> 00:01:58,785
Anyway, back to
the investigation.
46
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,186
Kaye Blanchett,
47
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,188
the improv'er,
not the Oscar winner.
48
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,790
So, Prue said Kaye
was dumped spectacularly
49
00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:06,351
by both Lyle and Scott.
50
00:02:06,451 --> 00:02:07,632
So what I think we do
51
00:02:07,732 --> 00:02:09,354
is join the Dramatic Society,
52
00:02:09,454 --> 00:02:11,075
befriend her, get a confession.
53
00:02:11,175 --> 00:02:13,877
Also, a little birdie told me
54
00:02:13,977 --> 00:02:15,439
you used to dabble
in youth theatre.
55
00:02:15,539 --> 00:02:18,381
Oh, my God, why are you
so fixated on my family?
56
00:02:19,422 --> 00:02:20,763
It's just what friends do.
57
00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:22,805
I want to know everything
about you.
58
00:02:22,905 --> 00:02:24,166
(SCOFFS)
59
00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:25,647
Your mum was right.
60
00:02:25,747 --> 00:02:27,889
You are a stalker.
61
00:02:27,989 --> 00:02:29,771
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
62
00:02:29,871 --> 00:02:31,872
I should go.
63
00:02:38,238 --> 00:02:40,540
ROACH: The killer
left the tip of a penis
64
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,542
in our tip off box late last
night, and they also left this.
65
00:02:43,642 --> 00:02:45,944
Now, the med adviser said
that unless it's reattached
66
00:02:46,044 --> 00:02:47,906
in the next 36 hours,
then there's no point.
67
00:02:48,006 --> 00:02:50,148
So they were alive
when it was removed?
68
00:02:50,248 --> 00:02:53,230
ROACH: According to forensics,
yes, so time is of the essence.
69
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:56,233
I want some more information
on this Donna Kebab person.
70
00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:58,275
SHEPHERD:
There's no info to give, sir.
71
00:02:58,375 --> 00:03:01,237
Donna Jernejcic
is a second-year law student,
72
00:03:01,337 --> 00:03:05,941
and the...men on this campus
are pulling a prank.
73
00:03:06,982 --> 00:03:09,124
-I don't get it.
-Donna Kebab.
74
00:03:09,224 --> 00:03:10,325
Essentially, they're implying
75
00:03:10,425 --> 00:03:11,966
she's a quick fix
at the end of the night
76
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:13,287
and you might regret it
in the morning.
77
00:03:13,387 --> 00:03:14,468
SHEPHERD:
Yeah, it's bullshit slut shaming
78
00:03:14,548 --> 00:03:15,970
and it doesn't make her
a suspect.
79
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,131
She did sleep with
the first two victims.
80
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,813
Well, and at least 30 other men
81
00:03:19,913 --> 00:03:21,855
if we're to believe
the wrappers, right?
82
00:03:21,955 --> 00:03:23,976
But it's probably hearsay
and I don't know
83
00:03:24,076 --> 00:03:25,498
whether we should be wasting
our time on it.
84
00:03:25,598 --> 00:03:27,739
-I can't do this.
-She could be a scorned lover.
85
00:03:27,839 --> 00:03:28,860
That gives us motive.
86
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,222
Excuse me, there's a man
bleeding to death.
87
00:03:31,322 --> 00:03:32,463
I know.
88
00:03:32,563 --> 00:03:34,565
(DOOR SLAMS LOUDLY)
89
00:03:37,728 --> 00:03:39,729
(FOOTSTEPS)
90
00:03:41,171 --> 00:03:42,552
Hey.
91
00:03:42,652 --> 00:03:45,194
-Hi.
-Yeah, we can't stay for long.
92
00:03:45,294 --> 00:03:48,037
As the new Doe,
I have to support the team
93
00:03:48,137 --> 00:03:49,838
while they find
Rory's replacement.
94
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,920
Hopefully not another incel.
95
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:56,383
Ohh! Rory and I are so over.
96
00:03:59,066 --> 00:04:00,367
I just wanted to say
97
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,689
that I am really sorry
about last night.
98
00:04:02,789 --> 00:04:04,931
Barbara, you don't have to
pay us off with gifts.
99
00:04:05,031 --> 00:04:07,032
I...
100
00:04:08,313 --> 00:04:10,215
Is that the Micro Skin
Mineral Blush?
101
00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:12,217
What? The one you can only get
in South Korea?
102
00:04:12,317 --> 00:04:15,079
-Yes!
-Their team liked my content.
103
00:04:18,282 --> 00:04:20,544
I guess we're fine.
104
00:04:20,644 --> 00:04:23,766
But just, like,
no more weird shit, OK?
105
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,189
No more weird shit.
106
00:04:26,289 --> 00:04:28,671
OK. We should go.
107
00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:29,912
Alright.
Well, that's really cute.
108
00:04:30,012 --> 00:04:31,393
DEBBIE: No, they're not,
they're nasty.
109
00:04:31,493 --> 00:04:32,554
JESS: They... (STAMMERS)
110
00:04:32,654 --> 00:04:33,755
'Bye.
111
00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:36,077
-JESS: OK, you don't say that.
-(DOOR OPENS)
112
00:04:36,177 --> 00:04:38,179
-(QUIRKILY UNSETTLING MUSIC)
-(DOOR CLOSES)
113
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,853
Hi. I'd like to join your club.
114
00:04:54,953 --> 00:04:57,495
Oh, sorry, British, we're full.
115
00:04:57,595 --> 00:04:58,896
But you know what isn't?
116
00:04:58,996 --> 00:05:01,738
Our studio audience for
tonight's Sketch Zoom-tacular!
117
00:05:01,838 --> 00:05:03,840
Elise!
118
00:05:04,401 --> 00:05:07,263
Bad news. She's at it again.
119
00:05:07,363 --> 00:05:08,544
I'm across it.
120
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,426
BARBARA: What, you found one
in your cubicle too?
121
00:05:10,526 --> 00:05:13,028
Yeah, you've got a penis tip
in your cubicle.
122
00:05:13,128 --> 00:05:14,509
What?!
123
00:05:14,609 --> 00:05:16,911
Oh, this is bad!
124
00:05:17,011 --> 00:05:19,674
This is worse. Jenny knows.
125
00:05:19,774 --> 00:05:22,035
She's not that smart. Is she?
126
00:05:22,135 --> 00:05:23,677
(ANDY CLEARS THROAT) Ladies.
127
00:05:23,777 --> 00:05:24,958
After internal chats,
128
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,479
we've managed
to make room for one more.
129
00:05:26,579 --> 00:05:28,401
-The BNOC.
-ELISE: The what?
130
00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:29,682
Big name on campus.
131
00:05:29,782 --> 00:05:31,604
I'm only in if Elise is too.
132
00:05:31,704 --> 00:05:33,045
No, he could have been
talking about me.
133
00:05:33,145 --> 00:05:35,507
I wasn't,
and your nose is bleeding.
134
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,971
Thanks for getting me in.
I can take it from here.
135
00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:43,774
The killer's at it again and
we have less than three hours
136
00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:46,616
to find her and take her to the
cops before Jenny turns us in.
137
00:05:46,716 --> 00:05:47,857
I think
we should stick together.
138
00:05:47,957 --> 00:05:49,959
Fine!
139
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,463
(DETERMINED MUSIC)
140
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:58,086
(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND
PERFORMERS VOCALLY WARMING UP)
141
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,748
Hello, ladies.
142
00:06:00,848 --> 00:06:04,191
Everybody, this is Barbara
and her friend.
143
00:06:04,291 --> 00:06:06,433
Kaye, you're all good if we give
your scene to Barbarino?
144
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,795
(HALF-LAUGHS) Of course.
145
00:06:08,895 --> 00:06:11,317
If she can play it
with the gravitas it deserves.
146
00:06:11,417 --> 00:06:13,479
ADAM: This will be you,
Barbarino.
147
00:06:13,579 --> 00:06:15,601
(MAKES GLUGGING SOUND)
148
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:17,562
(LAUGHS) Don't worry,
I'll be your scene partner.
149
00:06:17,662 --> 00:06:19,284
We can take it wherever we want.
150
00:06:19,384 --> 00:06:20,805
Respect and consent are key.
151
00:06:20,905 --> 00:06:24,568
-I'm not performing.
-Hey, don't stress.
152
00:06:24,668 --> 00:06:27,611
I'll be naked too.
And I've done intimacy training.
153
00:06:27,711 --> 00:06:29,412
Yeah, 'cause that's the only way
he'll ever get any.
154
00:06:29,512 --> 00:06:30,413
(PERFORMERS LAUGH)
155
00:06:30,513 --> 00:06:31,894
(LAUGHS)
156
00:06:31,994 --> 00:06:34,416
ANDY: So, Babylonia,
157
00:06:34,516 --> 00:06:35,537
the rules of the group
are simple.
158
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:38,740
You've always got to say
"Yes, and..."
159
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,842
How about "Fuck, no"?
160
00:06:43,084 --> 00:06:45,546
You're Kaye Blanchett.
161
00:06:45,646 --> 00:06:47,547
You're familiar with my oeuvre.
162
00:06:47,647 --> 00:06:50,430
Yes, I'm a big, big fan.
163
00:06:50,530 --> 00:06:52,531
(SCOFFS)
164
00:06:53,492 --> 00:06:56,915
You know, I'm always trying
to get more girls involved.
165
00:06:57,015 --> 00:06:59,678
-The boys won't let you?
-Oh, not at all.
166
00:06:59,778 --> 00:07:03,000
It's just that a lot of them
don't have what it takes.
167
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,343
And pretty girls, no talent.
168
00:07:08,145 --> 00:07:10,407
You're giving quirk
and main character.
169
00:07:10,507 --> 00:07:12,408
Do you get that a lot?
170
00:07:12,508 --> 00:07:15,331
No, n...not ever.
171
00:07:15,431 --> 00:07:19,214
Um, well, um, I-I do feel
the same way about you.
172
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:22,657
Now, should we go rehearse
some improv?
173
00:07:22,757 --> 00:07:26,420
Well, you don't rehearse
improvs, but sure.
174
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,022
Let's go kick around some ideas
for the Zoom-tacular.
175
00:07:29,122 --> 00:07:30,503
Come on.
176
00:07:30,603 --> 00:07:31,745
-(ELISE CHUCKLES)
-This way.
177
00:07:31,845 --> 00:07:34,126
(PERFORMERS CONTINUE
WITH VOCAL WARM-UP)
178
00:07:36,368 --> 00:07:38,650
(PHONE BUZZES)
179
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:49,279
I've done two one-woman shows.
180
00:07:49,379 --> 00:07:52,562
'A-O-KAYE', an in-depth look
at my mental health,
181
00:07:52,662 --> 00:07:56,125
and last week,
'ONE HUNDRED KAYE',
182
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,127
an in-depth look
at my gambling addiction.
183
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,909
Both shows lasted eight hours.
184
00:08:01,950 --> 00:08:05,633
Wow! I think you're gonna be
the next Cate Blanchett.
185
00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:09,997
Or is Cate Blanchett going to be
the first Kaye Blanchett?
186
00:08:11,398 --> 00:08:12,819
Talents?
187
00:08:12,919 --> 00:08:14,781
Oh, uh, argh!
188
00:08:14,881 --> 00:08:16,542
Uh, I play the bagpipes.
189
00:08:16,642 --> 00:08:19,345
You are so cool, Elise.
190
00:08:19,445 --> 00:08:20,505
-Am I?
-Mm.
191
00:08:20,605 --> 00:08:22,187
Most people think it's weird.
192
00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:24,829
The CJUDS boys
have always made a safe space
193
00:08:24,929 --> 00:08:26,931
for talented weirdos.
194
00:08:28,732 --> 00:08:30,354
So, this club must take up
a lot of your time.
195
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:32,756
Do you ever get a chance
196
00:08:32,856 --> 00:08:36,279
to play sports or sleep?
197
00:08:36,379 --> 00:08:37,760
Date?
198
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,481
I had a breakup recently.
199
00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:42,404
Lyle. He died
in the campus murders.
200
00:08:42,504 --> 00:08:44,566
Oh, I'm so sorry.
201
00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:46,127
And...and Scott?
202
00:08:46,227 --> 00:08:48,849
Did you know Scott?
Just speaking of the murders.
203
00:08:48,949 --> 00:08:51,411
Would you believe we also dated?
Huh!
204
00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:52,532
No!
205
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,254
You've probably heard
about our breakup.
206
00:08:54,354 --> 00:08:58,137
It's, um... Well,
it's kind of an urban legend.
207
00:08:58,237 --> 00:08:59,178
No.
208
00:08:59,278 --> 00:09:01,860
One day, he calls me
onto the quad.
209
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:05,503
He's made this...this honour
guard with the football team.
210
00:09:05,603 --> 00:09:08,186
So I walk through it
assuming there's a proposal,
211
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:11,088
or at the very least,
a dinner invite.
212
00:09:12,489 --> 00:09:14,951
He dumps me
in front of everybody.
213
00:09:15,051 --> 00:09:17,053
I was furious.
214
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:21,837
(LAUGHS CRAZILY)
215
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,939
Oh, now, Elise...
216
00:09:24,539 --> 00:09:27,722
..I have the most brilliant idea
for a dating sketch.
217
00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:29,043
ELISE: No, I don't think I can.
218
00:09:29,143 --> 00:09:30,805
Oh, no, Kaye, yes, Kaye,
219
00:09:30,905 --> 00:09:35,408
you have to stop peer-pressuring
this poor girl.
220
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:37,530
Do you talk to yourself?
221
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:40,833
I prefer "dramatic aside".
222
00:09:42,474 --> 00:09:44,476
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
223
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,242
Rory!
224
00:09:53,123 --> 00:09:55,145
Why are you carrying around
a mattress?
225
00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:57,387
-It's a protest.
-Did he tell you to do this?
226
00:09:57,487 --> 00:10:00,189
This is an effective
form of protest.
227
00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:02,591
Sexual assault and murder
affect both genders.
228
00:10:02,691 --> 00:10:03,672
All genders.
229
00:10:03,772 --> 00:10:05,634
Rory, this is a famous form
of protest
230
00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:07,595
by female victims
of sexual assault.
231
00:10:07,695 --> 00:10:09,117
It's meant to signify
carrying the weight.
232
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,958
There is a man out there
without a dick.
233
00:10:11,058 --> 00:10:12,279
How about I do everybody
a favour
234
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,381
and cut yours off right now?
235
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,324
Did you hear that?
236
00:10:17,424 --> 00:10:19,425
She's threatening me!
237
00:10:29,514 --> 00:10:31,515
-Detective.
-Officer.
238
00:10:33,037 --> 00:10:36,139
So, what if this whole thing
was a false flag,
239
00:10:36,239 --> 00:10:40,303
a man attempting to unite
other men against women?
240
00:10:40,403 --> 00:10:43,185
Do you have any other evidence
besides that footprint?
241
00:10:43,285 --> 00:10:44,787
No.
242
00:10:44,887 --> 00:10:46,428
Just a theory.
243
00:10:46,528 --> 00:10:47,949
OK.
244
00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:51,632
Well, I still have a theory
of my own. Look.
245
00:10:51,732 --> 00:10:53,714
This proves that she's
affiliated with the rad fems.
246
00:10:53,814 --> 00:10:55,796
No, not this again, Shep.
247
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,157
If we went off
this kind of evidence,
248
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,478
then we'd be arresting
Donna Kebab
249
00:10:58,578 --> 00:11:00,400
based on 20 kebab wrappers,
right?
250
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:02,502
So what is going on with you?
251
00:11:04,303 --> 00:11:05,524
I'm sorry.
252
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,166
I've... I've just...
I've been here two years.
253
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:09,427
I know these students.
254
00:11:10,468 --> 00:11:12,470
I will get it under control.
255
00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:17,594
Alright.
256
00:11:26,081 --> 00:11:29,104
KAYE: The Kill All Men Killer!
257
00:11:29,204 --> 00:11:32,867
The Kill All Men Killer!
258
00:11:32,967 --> 00:11:34,969
What the fuck?
259
00:11:35,890 --> 00:11:37,991
What are you doing?
260
00:11:38,091 --> 00:11:40,554
We've got a date with Jenny
in the art room in 10 minutes.
261
00:11:40,654 --> 00:11:44,557
Hurry back, Elise. I need to
run you through some blocking.
262
00:11:44,657 --> 00:11:46,038
OK, Kaye.
263
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:50,021
(QUIRKILY UNSETTLING MUSIC)
264
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:57,728
(DOOR SHUTS)
265
00:11:57,828 --> 00:11:59,369
I've decided I'm not gonna
confront Kaye
266
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,811
till after the show.
267
00:12:00,911 --> 00:12:03,813
I'm sorry?
There's a man bleeding to death.
268
00:12:03,913 --> 00:12:05,294
Kaye is lovely.
269
00:12:05,394 --> 00:12:06,896
I want to do the show with her.
270
00:12:06,996 --> 00:12:09,498
Yeah, first off,
she's a major pick-me.
271
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,259
She's not a pick-me.
272
00:12:11,359 --> 00:12:13,381
She's just a low-maintenance
theatre kid
273
00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:14,662
who prefers the company of men.
274
00:12:14,762 --> 00:12:17,104
I saw he scream "kill all men"
in the mirror.
275
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,946
I'm pretty sure
she's the penis cutter.
276
00:12:19,046 --> 00:12:20,587
Barbara, she can't be both.
277
00:12:20,687 --> 00:12:22,189
A pick-me doesn't kill men,
she loves them,
278
00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:23,229
so maybe you're wrong.
279
00:12:23,329 --> 00:12:25,471
(JENNY LAUGHS)
280
00:12:25,571 --> 00:12:30,035
Oh, wow, lesbian socials
will go crazy for this.
281
00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:32,998
Art girl lesbians
who argue all day
282
00:12:33,098 --> 00:12:35,400
and murder all night.
283
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,602
I finally worked out
what the red dots mean.
284
00:12:37,702 --> 00:12:40,764
You killed them, then made love
at the crime scene,
285
00:12:40,864 --> 00:12:43,026
then painted your pants
with the blood.
286
00:12:44,587 --> 00:12:45,528
Not quite.
287
00:12:45,628 --> 00:12:46,809
BARBARA: Jenny,
288
00:12:46,909 --> 00:12:48,250
I gave you your money.
289
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,292
Why are you still
coming after us?
290
00:12:50,392 --> 00:12:52,334
I used it to pivot and expand.
291
00:12:52,434 --> 00:12:54,516
I now produce wearables.
292
00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,020
You didn't pay
your student fees?
293
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,422
"Give a woman a fish
and she eats for a day.
294
00:13:01,522 --> 00:13:03,904
"Teach a woman to fish
and she eat forever."
295
00:13:04,004 --> 00:13:05,025
Joe Biden.
296
00:13:05,125 --> 00:13:06,746
Our only problem
297
00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:09,588
is now we have 2,500 units
to move. (CLAPS)
298
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,150
And why is that our problem?
299
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:12,791
Because if you want to stop me
300
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:14,553
taking these pants
to the police,
301
00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:16,274
I'm going to need Barbara
to tell her followers
302
00:13:16,374 --> 00:13:17,555
she's collab-ed with me on this.
303
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:19,357
BARBARA: No. I'm not doing this.
304
00:13:19,457 --> 00:13:21,999
ELISE: Yes, Barbara,
you have to. You owe me.
305
00:13:22,099 --> 00:13:24,321
-What?
-Leaving me alone last night.
306
00:13:24,421 --> 00:13:26,202
Letting them pierce my nose.
Calling me a stalker.
307
00:13:26,302 --> 00:13:27,203
Am I wrong?
308
00:13:27,303 --> 00:13:28,204
Look at the way
309
00:13:28,304 --> 00:13:29,805
you're already fawning
over Kaye.
310
00:13:29,905 --> 00:13:32,388
I'm sorry, Elise, but I am not
putting that on my body.
311
00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:36,251
JENNY: That was hot.
312
00:13:36,351 --> 00:13:38,893
But, Elsie, do you have
the authority
313
00:13:38,993 --> 00:13:41,615
to negotiate a daily posting
plan on behalf of Barbara?
314
00:13:41,715 --> 00:13:42,936
It's 'Elise'.
315
00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:45,038
And no.
316
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,803
Drop the drip by midnight
or I go to the police.
317
00:13:59,811 --> 00:14:01,672
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
318
00:14:01,772 --> 00:14:03,394
I need to interrogate her
properly.
319
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:04,995
You need to announce the collab.
320
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:07,517
When we hand Kaye over,
the collab won't matter.
321
00:14:07,617 --> 00:14:09,639
Fine. But I hope you're right.
322
00:14:09,739 --> 00:14:11,841
Otherwise, at midnight,
you're going to jail.
323
00:14:11,941 --> 00:14:13,842
(BARBARA SCOFFS)
324
00:14:13,942 --> 00:14:15,524
-Kaye...
-KAYE: Oh, there you are.
325
00:14:15,624 --> 00:14:17,886
I think this colour's
gonna look fab on you.
326
00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:19,327
What happened
between you and Lyle?
327
00:14:19,427 --> 00:14:20,768
Oh, he broke up with me.
328
00:14:20,868 --> 00:14:22,570
And to be honest, I deserved it.
329
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,012
I cheated on him
a bunch of times.
330
00:14:25,112 --> 00:14:27,654
The CJUDS parties
can get frisky.
331
00:14:27,754 --> 00:14:29,215
And Scott, the dishonour guard?
332
00:14:29,315 --> 00:14:31,377
It was so public.
I wouldn't blame you if...
333
00:14:31,477 --> 00:14:34,580
Darling, have you heard of
a PR relationship?
334
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:35,781
What?
335
00:14:35,881 --> 00:14:38,183
It's very common
in the entertainment industry.
336
00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:40,385
I paid him to date me
and break up with me.
337
00:14:40,485 --> 00:14:42,947
It did wonders
for our subscribers.
338
00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:46,350
I saw you say "Kill All Men
Killer" into the mirror.
339
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,592
-What was that?
-I'm sorry.
340
00:14:48,692 --> 00:14:50,673
Were you stalking me
in my dressing-room?
341
00:14:50,773 --> 00:14:52,035
(INTENSE MUSIC)
342
00:14:52,135 --> 00:14:54,316
OK, we're about to go live.
343
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:55,998
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
344
00:14:56,098 --> 00:14:57,159
-please take your seats...
-Come on!
345
00:14:57,259 --> 00:14:58,360
..and set your phones
to silent...
346
00:14:58,460 --> 00:14:59,601
KAYE: Thank you.
347
00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,122
..as the performance
is about to commence.
348
00:15:01,222 --> 00:15:03,164
And your hot friends
are at the door.
349
00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:05,266
So don't embarrass me.
350
00:15:09,629 --> 00:15:11,171
Come here. Come.
351
00:15:11,271 --> 00:15:13,432
What...what are you doing here?
352
00:15:15,354 --> 00:15:17,656
Oh, those little shits!
353
00:15:17,756 --> 00:15:18,977
Um, that's why I'm here.
354
00:15:19,077 --> 00:15:21,339
People are always using
my content to catfish.
355
00:15:21,439 --> 00:15:22,780
I'm just gonna get them
to take it down
356
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,262
and then we should
go get drinks...
357
00:15:24,362 --> 00:15:26,263
Yeah, but, like, if you did
want to do the show, Babz...
358
00:15:26,363 --> 00:15:27,424
-Like, that's OK.
-No!
359
00:15:27,524 --> 00:15:29,066
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
-You can do...
360
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:32,228
Yeah, like, we fully support
your social suicide, babe.
361
00:15:32,328 --> 00:15:34,330
(APPLAUSE)
362
00:15:35,011 --> 00:15:37,112
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
363
00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:38,914
(ANDY MIMICS CRYING BABY)
364
00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:39,915
(GASPS)
365
00:15:40,015 --> 00:15:42,437
Why won't she latch? Goddamn it!
366
00:15:42,537 --> 00:15:43,838
Nurse! Nurse!
367
00:15:43,938 --> 00:15:45,800
-Can you show me how?
-Yeah, no worries.
368
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,081
My God, B, just go, just go.
369
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:48,482
ANDY: I can feel
the milk flowing!
370
00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:49,763
-DEBBIE: Hurry up, B!
-ANDY: Flow! Help!
371
00:15:49,863 --> 00:15:51,484
Oh, oh, yeah. Fine, fine. Go.
372
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,586
Oh!
373
00:15:55,027 --> 00:15:57,269
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
374
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:03,234
-A drink?
-Yeah.
375
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,471
(BOTH EXHALE THEATRICALLY)
376
00:16:23,571 --> 00:16:26,394
She sells seashells
377
00:16:26,494 --> 00:16:28,075
by the seashore.
378
00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:30,277
Seashells, seashells
379
00:16:30,377 --> 00:16:31,318
by the seashore.
380
00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:33,720
Amazing!
381
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,441
Oh! Give me a hug.
382
00:16:35,541 --> 00:16:37,603
Oh, you're gonna be so good!
383
00:16:37,703 --> 00:16:40,826
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
384
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,749
Break a leg.
(SINGSONGS) I love you!
385
00:16:48,712 --> 00:16:50,714
Prrrr!
386
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,497
Prrrr!
387
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,718
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
388
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,824
Elise! Come here.
389
00:17:02,924 --> 00:17:04,926
I really need to talk to you.
390
00:17:05,326 --> 00:17:07,228
Just let me have my moment.
391
00:17:07,328 --> 00:17:10,931
(QUIRKILY SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
392
00:17:11,972 --> 00:17:14,414
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
393
00:17:20,179 --> 00:17:22,301
Whee! (GIGGLES)
394
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,009
(NOTIFICATIONS CHIME)
395
00:17:32,109 --> 00:17:34,151
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER AND CHATTER)
396
00:17:40,116 --> 00:17:43,699
Tinder? More like Chunder.
(RETCHES)
397
00:17:43,799 --> 00:17:46,921
(LAUGHTER)
398
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,765
Ugh!
399
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:59,452
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
400
00:18:00,493 --> 00:18:03,816
OK, I think we're in the middle
of a live cancellation.
401
00:18:04,937 --> 00:18:06,278
(LAUGHTER)
402
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:08,800
-MAN 1: You suck!
-MAN 2: You suck!
403
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:10,882
(LAUGHTER)
404
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:13,043
MAN: Boo!
405
00:18:13,143 --> 00:18:15,085
(LAUGHTER)
406
00:18:15,185 --> 00:18:16,847
BARBARA: Shit!
407
00:18:16,947 --> 00:18:18,208
PERFORMERS: Arggh!
408
00:18:18,308 --> 00:18:19,209
(LAUGHTER)
409
00:18:19,309 --> 00:18:21,310
MAN: Bingo!
410
00:18:28,636 --> 00:18:30,638
(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
411
00:18:31,479 --> 00:18:35,562
(UNNERVING MUSIC)
412
00:18:41,607 --> 00:18:46,832
(BAD FRENCH ACCENT) Hello!
I am zee kitchen gardener!
413
00:18:46,932 --> 00:18:50,775
I am so sorry, all the food
has been poisoned.
414
00:18:52,176 --> 00:18:54,178
(ANDY GASPS)
415
00:18:54,738 --> 00:18:56,880
No, it wasn't the food.
416
00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:58,922
We died because
she was ugly as fuck.
417
00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:01,024
(LAUGHTER)
418
00:19:01,944 --> 00:19:05,127
I also happen to be single.
419
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,449
This is for you, pretty lady.
420
00:19:07,549 --> 00:19:09,091
Stop trying to ruin our sketch.
421
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,612
I thought you didn't want
to be on stage.
422
00:19:10,712 --> 00:19:11,733
-Ooh!
-AUDIENCE: Oh!
423
00:19:11,833 --> 00:19:14,175
Oh, God, you're just meant
to mime!
424
00:19:14,275 --> 00:19:16,597
I thought the rule
was "Yes, fucking, and..."
425
00:19:19,519 --> 00:19:21,581
ANDY: OK, I get it, I'm dead.
I'm dead. I'm dead.
426
00:19:21,681 --> 00:19:23,743
(BARBARA CHUCKLES)
427
00:19:23,843 --> 00:19:27,046
Shall we go and get a drink
somewhere else?
428
00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:35,112
Oh! Oh!
429
00:19:35,212 --> 00:19:38,275
You are wondering where
I got my wearables.
430
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,077
Well, if you want flowers
431
00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:43,920
and you want to wear them too,
then...
432
00:19:44,020 --> 00:19:46,282
BOTH: ..Jenny's
Crochet Garden...
433
00:19:46,382 --> 00:19:49,645
-..is for you.
-..is for cool. Cool.
434
00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:54,208
-MAN: Fuck, terrible.
-(BOOING)
435
00:19:54,308 --> 00:19:55,730
ANNOUNCER: OK, that was...
436
00:19:55,830 --> 00:19:57,871
Thank you. Thank you, Barbara.
437
00:19:59,273 --> 00:20:01,094
You were right.
438
00:20:01,194 --> 00:20:03,136
Kaye can't be the killer
and a pick-me.
439
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,897
She's just a pick-me.
440
00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:09,301
Also, she was performing
every night of the murders.
441
00:20:09,401 --> 00:20:11,583
For eight hours.
442
00:20:11,683 --> 00:20:14,165
(SLOW CLAP)
443
00:20:19,249 --> 00:20:22,592
Sorry, Elise. There's only
space for one girl in CJUDS.
444
00:20:22,692 --> 00:20:24,354
It's not a space, Kaye.
445
00:20:24,454 --> 00:20:25,755
It's a cage.
446
00:20:25,855 --> 00:20:27,396
You might think
it's benefiting you now,
447
00:20:27,496 --> 00:20:29,158
but it's putting you
in sexist sketches
448
00:20:29,258 --> 00:20:31,300
and pitting you against
other women.
449
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:34,282
(LAUGHS)
450
00:20:34,382 --> 00:20:35,403
You're a scream!
451
00:20:35,503 --> 00:20:38,205
And now,
our fifth sketch of the night,
452
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,307
'Drinks on the Beach'.
453
00:20:42,749 --> 00:20:45,532
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
454
00:20:45,632 --> 00:20:48,294
I don't think Kaye
minds the cage.
455
00:20:48,394 --> 00:20:50,336
-I think she might've built it.
-Mm.
456
00:20:50,436 --> 00:20:52,497
I shouldn't have left you
at the party.
457
00:20:52,597 --> 00:20:55,940
Or called you a stalker.
458
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,181
It's OK.
459
00:20:57,281 --> 00:21:00,064
I think your bad improv
was enough of a gesture.
460
00:21:00,164 --> 00:21:02,165
(CHUCKLES)
461
00:21:04,928 --> 00:21:06,929
For you.
462
00:21:08,211 --> 00:21:10,212
Detective Roach.
463
00:21:11,173 --> 00:21:12,835
Oh, good evening, Commissioner.
464
00:21:12,935 --> 00:21:15,136
(TENSE MUSIC)
465
00:21:21,702 --> 00:21:22,883
The investigation's going...
466
00:21:22,983 --> 00:21:25,045
Melbourne University
have threatened to pull out
467
00:21:25,145 --> 00:21:26,286
of the Federation Games
468
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:30,930
and we are haemorrhaging
international students.
469
00:21:31,030 --> 00:21:35,554
Financially and optically,
this is fucking me.
470
00:21:36,554 --> 00:21:40,778
So, yes, why don't you tell me
how the investigation's going?
471
00:21:40,878 --> 00:21:42,299
Here you go.
472
00:21:42,399 --> 00:21:45,142
Alright, get up.
473
00:21:45,242 --> 00:21:46,583
We're making an arrest.
474
00:21:46,683 --> 00:21:49,145
About fucking time.
475
00:21:49,245 --> 00:21:51,727
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
476
00:21:54,409 --> 00:21:56,411
(NOTIFICATION BUZZES)
477
00:21:58,653 --> 00:22:01,175
Oh! I've been removed
from the group chat.
478
00:22:02,176 --> 00:22:03,557
I'm so sorry.
479
00:22:03,657 --> 00:22:06,139
Now I understand why being
the Doe meant so much to you.
480
00:22:07,420 --> 00:22:08,762
Yeah.
481
00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:11,644
When I was little,
my mum left my dad,
482
00:22:11,744 --> 00:22:15,827
and she worked two jobs,
but we never had much.
483
00:22:17,509 --> 00:22:21,572
And then one day,
one of my videos went viral.
484
00:22:21,672 --> 00:22:26,957
(LAUGHS) I...I felt so powerful.
485
00:22:28,558 --> 00:22:30,560
I just wanted to feel like that
in real life.
486
00:22:32,041 --> 00:22:34,023
I don't even have a room here.
487
00:22:34,123 --> 00:22:35,544
No-one knows that but you.
488
00:22:35,644 --> 00:22:37,626
Babe, money or no money,
489
00:22:37,726 --> 00:22:39,187
you are still so powerful.
490
00:22:39,287 --> 00:22:41,429
-(SCOFFS)
-No, it's true!
491
00:22:41,529 --> 00:22:43,351
When I first met you,
I was terrified.
492
00:22:43,451 --> 00:22:45,913
I had to drink
three panic fizzes.
493
00:22:46,013 --> 00:22:48,115
Come on, this way.
You lot, come on.
494
00:22:48,215 --> 00:22:49,436
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
495
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:52,558
So, um, I made this friend
back in secondary school.
496
00:22:52,658 --> 00:22:54,320
Zoe was her name.
497
00:22:54,420 --> 00:22:56,762
My first friend ever.
498
00:22:56,862 --> 00:23:00,245
Until one day she decided to
ditch me for the cool girls.
499
00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:03,367
And I wanted to know why, but
she wouldn't return my texts,
500
00:23:03,467 --> 00:23:06,470
so I followed her home.
501
00:23:08,392 --> 00:23:10,213
Doesn't seem that bad.
502
00:23:10,313 --> 00:23:12,315
Yeah, like, five or six times.
503
00:23:14,317 --> 00:23:16,458
Well, her parents then said
I was harassing her.
504
00:23:16,558 --> 00:23:18,920
That turned into
a stalking charge.
505
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:23,384
My own mum didn't back me up.
506
00:23:23,484 --> 00:23:24,825
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
507
00:23:24,925 --> 00:23:25,986
(SCOFFS)
508
00:23:26,086 --> 00:23:29,469
I know that I can be, like,
a bit full on.
509
00:23:29,569 --> 00:23:31,571
You are.
510
00:23:32,692 --> 00:23:35,314
But I am very comfortable
telling you to fuck off
511
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,416
when it's too much.
512
00:23:38,056 --> 00:23:39,198
ROACH: Over here!
513
00:23:39,298 --> 00:23:40,439
This way!
514
00:23:40,539 --> 00:23:41,439
(RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
515
00:23:41,539 --> 00:23:44,302
-Oh, boy.
-Shit.
516
00:23:47,024 --> 00:23:48,405
(PERCUSSIVE VOCALISATIONS)
36044
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof