All language subtitles for Superstore.S04E20.WEBRip.x264-ION10

.

- Okay, uh, Jay,
I'm putting you in Grocery.

Sandra, we haven't even started
the Cosmetics reset,

so can you get on that?

- Got it.
- Okay, Carol...

I'm moving you
off the register,

and, Cheyenne,
I need you in Jewelry.

- What? Then no one's
covering Housewares.

- I mean, if somebody
finds a way

to shoplift a couch,
then they deserve it.

- I get that that's a joke,
but in all seriousness, guys,

if you do see someone
taking a couch,

walkie oh-three-five.

See something, say something.

- And, also, corporate is
asking us to cut hours again.

[all groaning]

Yes, I know.
I agree. It sucks.

- We can barely keep up with
everything there is to do now.

- Yeah, it already looks

like the day after
the Fyre Festival in here.

- I said the exact same
thing yesterday.

- Oh, did you really? 'Cause I
wasn't in Grocery at the time,

so I couldn't have heard you.

- Yeah, this place is a mess.

Did you guys see this picture
somebody tweeted?

It's just a bunch of beef
in a shopping cart.

- What?
- "Less Meat, More Filling."

What does that even mean?
- It's a pun.

Remember that commercial--
"Tastes Great, Less Filling"?

- In what world is that a pun?
- I get it.

- That picture could be
from any Cloud 9.

- No, I think it was ours.

[all groaning]

- Can somebody please
take care of that?

- Dibs! Yes.

[upbeat music]

♪

[light music]

♪

- What do we think
happened here?

- Overdose?

- Ah, Bob didn't even drink.

His wife's been flirting
with that tennis pro

over in Fitness
with the big arms and no head.

I'd start there.

- I swear, it's like every time
we solve one problem,

another one pops up.

I feel like
I'm playing Whac-A-Mole.

That can't still be
a game, can it?

With the hitting animals?
Never mind.

- We're just too understaffed.

- Yeah. No, I-I know.
I keep telling corporate,

but they
just don't believe me.

- Yeah, because every time
they cut hours,

we push ourselves even harder
to make it work,

which they think just proves
we never needed the hours

to begin with, and so they just
keep cutting and cutting

until something like
this happens.

- Poor guy.

- He had kids.
- He had kids?

- Yeah. They've been
playing soccer

over in Toys and Games
for the last three months.

- I don't know
what I'm gonna do

if they keep cutting
back our hours. I got bills!

- I saw this methadone study
that pays pretty well,

but they said I'd have to
get addicted to heroin first.

So that's another expense.

- I was thinking
of being a surrogate

I mean, my womb is just
sitting here empty.

- Ooh, highly recommend!

The money's good and your
nipples get super sensitive.

- I guess I'm gonna have
to have a garage sale

or something.

- I don't have anything
to sell.

- You have, like, 83 pairs of
sneakers, and you can't walk.

- Yeah?
You got a bunch of hats.

You don't bounce
around on your head all day.

- Ah, fair enough.

- Well, no one
will even hire you

if you're on call here
all the time.

That's why I didn't get that
job as a shirtless greeter

at Abercrombie & Fitch.

- Oh, I used to have that job,
but in a guy's house.

[stammers] I knew him.
He was my wrestling coach.

[The Pretenders'
"Angel of the Morning" plays]

- ♪ I'm old enough
to face the dawn ♪

♪ Just call me angel
of the-- ♪

- Hey, Carol, can you cover
Sporting Goods for me?

'Cause there's been a gigantic
honey spill in Groceries.

It's the hardest of all spills,
so this is where I shine.

[chuckles]

- Uh-huh.

- Hey, something
bothering you?

If there is, you can talk
to me about anything.

- Well...

Sandra's a whore
who's [bleep] my boyfriend.

- Okay, well...
Wow. Uh...

- She doesn't know that I know,
but that's the way I like it.

You can really hurt someone
when they don't see it coming.

- Well, sounds like

you've pretty much got that
under control.

- It's so good to finally have
someone to talk to about this.

- Yeah.

- We have a real
father-daughter relationship.

Thank you, Daddy.

- You're welcome.

- No, no.
Do the Daddy voice.

- [deep voice]
You're welcome, Honey Bear.

- How much do you think
I could get for this?

- Oh, no, you're selling that?
It's so gorgeous.

- I know, but I need the money.

- Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I was being so sarcastic there,
it came off as sincere.

It's hideous.
Maybe two dollars?

- [sighs] Maybe there's no
point in having a garage sale.

- Well, why can't you just
find another way to make money?

- Well, I thought
about doing a webcam,

but then Bo said no.

And it's like, why does
he get to do one and I don't?

- Excuse me.
How much is this?

- You...want to buy that?
- Yeah.

- It's $59.99. Yeah,
they're selling like crazy.

That's the last one.
- Okay.

- Great!
I can ring you up here.

Oh, there might be
some old birth control pills

in the side pocket there,
but you can keep those.

- So we are really concerned
about this Twitter photo

of a shopping cart
of steaks in your store.

- Uh-huh.

- It's a big
warning sign for us.

- Yeah, uh,
I-I know that it looked bad,

but--but we threw
the steaks out,

and the big honey spill
is--is taken care of.

- The what?
- The big--

Huh? What?

- Look, are you having trouble
handling things over there?

- No.
No, I-I-I got it handled.

It's handled.

- So you don't think you
need more hours, then?

- Are--you're--you're offering
to give me more hours?

I, uh--I didn't--I didn't
realize that was an option.

- Of course.
I mean, if you need them.

But if you're sure
you can handle it

with just the hours you have--

- No, I'll take the hours.

I mean...

Um, maybe.
Yeah, we could...

Or not. I mean, yes, definite--

Yeah, definitely,
we'll take the hours.

- ♪ I don't know
where my soul is ♪

♪ I don't know
where my home is ♪

♪ And, baby, all I need
for you to know ♪

I've been asking corporate
for weeks

to give me more hours,
and nothing!

And then one
embarrassing photo comes out,

and they're like,
"Here you go!"

- See? I told you. They just
needed to see that things

would fall apart
if they didn't step in.

- You were totally right.

It was my need to be perfect

that was screwing
everything up.

- You know, it's crazy
how many of your problems

stem from your own excellence.
- I know.

We should start
encouraging customers

to keep tweeting
bad things about us.

- Yeah, w-why stop there?

I mean, we should just
create a bunch

of fake Twitter accounts
and tweet it ourselves.

- Ha ha. We should
totally do that.

- We totally should.

- No, we should
actually do that.

- Yeah, I-I thought
I was communicating that

with my eyes,
but, yeah, yeah, same page.

.

- Just make sure you get
the whole--

- No, I got it, I've got it.
Okay, and what should it say?

- Um, okay, how about
"Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"?

- Eh, I just don't feel like
that's MayaJade91's voice.

- "MayaJade91"? What happened
to "Steelersfan211"?

- Steelersfan
is the one who tweeted

about how gross
the bathrooms were.

MayaJade's
a little more spiritual,

more in touch
with vibrations

and just kind of, like,
the energy surrounding things.

- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, okay, how about...

"Don't let this chaos
dim your inner light,

#Cloud9Fail,
#BadDayToWearSandals"?

- Wow. You are really,
really good at this.

It's like a one-line
character portrait.

- Oh, Amy? Someone left
half a cat in Electronics.

- Half a dead cat?

- Well, no.
- That's perfect.

- I can't believe this just
fell into our lap.

- It's the butt half!

- Ooh, what about this
promotional Sinex visor?

- Ugh, that was Jeff's.

He said he wore it
ironically, but...

- So you guys are just selling
your old crap in the store?

- Vintage. We're selling our
vintage crap in the store.

- I got one guy to buy
an old bra of mine

just by saying it
touched my boobs.

- Wow. It's all
in the marketing, huh?

- We set up a special bar code,
so anything scanned

gets sent straight
to our Venmo account.

- @chateo$biz.

We've already made
over $200.

- Seriously?

Maybe I should try selling
some of my sneakers.

- I feel like the casino guy.

You're broke.

- ♪ One that won't keep me
up all night ♪

♪ One that won't make me sleep
all day ♪

♪

♪ One that won't make me
nervous ♪

- "Just a normal day
in America, #Cloud9Fail."

Unbelievable.
- What's going on here?

- Uh, more people are posting
photos of the store.

- You're kidding me.
- This store?

- "Cloud 9 is looking
a little bit cattywampus"?

What does "cattywampus" mean?

- Uh, cattywampus is,
I believe,

regional slang
for, uh, like, "all messed up."

You know, I think the--
they use it in Arkansas.

Oh, yep, there you go right
there--petiteroche22,

that--that just--that means
"Little Rock" in French.

- Whoa.

- These just keep
going and going.

This is why we shouldn't
let customers into the store.

- Wow, bummer.
- "Wow, bummer"?

People are tearing us apart,
and your reaction is,

"Wow, bummer"?

- No. No.

No, I-I meant that like--
like, "Wow! That's a bummer!

Like, what the hell?
I'm up to here with this crap!"

You know, like, "[bleep]
these people!"

Ugh!

- [gasps]

[grain pouring]

- That is how people act
when they're upset.

- Oh, man.
Petiteroche22 is gonna rip

our asses for this one.

- If you're looking
for an electric toothbrush,

I'd suggest the Dentafix 100.

- It looks used.

- What? Who would sell
a used toothbrush?

We wouldn't sell that.

- This is the newest trend
in oral hygiene.

You want a brush
that's pre-distressed,

like a nice pair of jeans.

- A friend of mine got one
of the old models

with the straight,
white bristles.

Tore her gums to shreds.

She had to get new ones
from a dead body.

- You have 83 pairs of shoes
and none of them light up?

- No, but some of them
are pretty valuable.

- Well, yeah.
No, I bet.

- Excuse me, um,
what could you tell me

about these white Reeboks?

- Oh, yeah, those are
the OG 1989 Reebok Pumps.

Classic white-and-blue colorway
with the mesh tongue.

I even got the original box
and the Pump hang tag.

- I have flat feet.
How's the arch support?

- Those are original
Reebok Pumps.

When you buy a painting, do you
ask how the arch support is?

- I'm just looking for
something I can go hiking in.

- Please leave.
- What? No, I was just asking--

- Sir, he asked you to leave.

- So we've been noticing
a lot more

of these "Cloud9Fail" photos
on Twitter.

- Yeah, um, you know, we are
trying our best over here,

but we just keep
coming up short.

- We really need
to take care of this.

- I agree, but I am just
all out of ideas.

If you want
to suggest anything...

You know, I'm just
thinking out loud here,

and I hate to even have
to bring this up,

but I kind of feel like
if you guys give us back

a few more hours,
we could nip this thing

in the bud once and for all.

- Well, actually, we think
all of the tweets

have come from an employee
at your store.

- Huh?

.

- Hi, my name is Luanne.
I'm from Human Resources.

I'm here because an employee

has been tweeting
defamatory photos of the store

from fake accounts,

and I'm here
to find out who it is

and to hold them responsible.
- So who was it?

If you just stand up and come
clean about what you did,

I promise nothing
will happen to you.

- Well, we will
have to fire them.

- I know, but don't say it.
We almost had them.

- No, we didn't.

- Okay, well, in the future,

if you could just follow
my lead, please. Thank you.

- Excuse me?
[scoffs]

How do you know
it's one of us?

- Well, all the posts came
from the same MAC address,

and that device was logged
into the employee WiFi network.

- Who would be dumb enough
to send incriminating tweets

from the employee WiFi?

- Well, it wasn't me, because
my phone is on airplane mode,

and I do not know
how to get it off.

- They were so obvious
about it, too.

All the fake customer accounts
were created on the same day,

and they each
only tweeted once.

- What a dumbass.
- Oh, my God.

- Stupid.
- Seriously. Idiot.

- All right, well, I don't know
how productive it is

to dwell on how stupid
this person may or may not be.

I think the point is,
whoever did it, knock it off.

You have been warned.

- That's fair.
- Okay, well, thank you

so much for coming by, Luanne.

- Sure, but I'm not leaving
until we figure this out.

- Oh, good.

- All right, everyone,
you're all gonna have

to hand over your phones.

[all grumbling]

- No, we cannot take
your devices.

- Luanne!
Are you serious right now?

- ♪ I'll run the gun for you
and so much more ♪

♪ I'll tumble for ya,
I'll tumble for ya ♪

♪ I'll tumble for--

- What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.

- We should have
never done this.

Or at least we should've
used a burner phone.

- Yeah, great. That's--
Good--good plan.

That's really helpful.

- Okay, well, then
what's your plan?

- Well, for starters,
neither of us can admit

to sending the tweets.

- Oh, well,
that--that's good.

Hold on while
I write that down.

"Don't admit to crime."

- Look, if for whatever reason
it gets traced back to me,

I'm gonna say
that I acted alone.

There's no reason that both
of us should lose our jobs.

- Oh, okay.

- [stammers] That was--

that was just kind of,
like, a big gesture,

so I thought maybe
I'd--I'd get a bigger reaction.

- Yeah. No--

Yeah. No.
Yes, of course. Thank you.

But I just--I kind of figured
that's what we would do.

- Right.

- Just based
on what we both make.

And I have kids.
- Yeah.

- It just sort of makes
the most sense.

But that was a very nice offer.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's just--
let's just move on, so...

- You know, I just want to make
sure that you're not planning

on doing any hiking
or grape stomping

or anything like that in these?
- Uh, no.

No, you think I'd go hiking
in a pair of shoes

I've been trying to find
for, like, six years?

- Of course.
I'm just messing with you.

[chuckles] All right.
So, uh...

You know what?
Do you need these today?

Because I could give them
to you next week

and bring them home,
clean them up, make them nice.

- No, that's cool.
These are pristine.

- Yep, they are.

They are pristine.

Okay, so...
[exhales sharply]

You're going
to give me the money,

I'm going
to give you the shoes,

and they will be yours
and not mine.

- That is generally
how this works.

- Right, right.

- Great.
How much do I owe you?

- $3 million.

- Okay, so the first tweet
was sent at 10:46:32.

Can we see if anyone was
on their phone then?

- Got it.

Okay, looks like Brett
was on his phone.

Also Jay.

And, uh, Henry, Chris,
Giuseppe W.,

Sarah, Sue,

Pablo, Denise, Giuseppe.

- Uh, okay,
who was not texting?

- Uh, Elias isn't on his phone,

though I think
he might be asleep.

- Uh, may I?
- Oh.

- What about the break room?
Anybody in there?

- Oh, yeah, no,
none of this is from today.

We used to have cameras
in the break room,

but then people found out
and got all rights-y about it.

Wait--wait, hold on.
What is that?

- Careful, careful,
stupid birds, dumb birds...

[fast-forwarded speech]
- Nice job.

[both yelling]

- No.
- Oh, oh, oh.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, no.

- Oh, no.
Nope.

- Luanne,
if you'll excuse me,

I have some business
to take care of.

- What is all this stuff?

- Well, it's just junk
we've had in our attic

that we've been meaning
to throw out, you know.

Jerusha's dad
was a collector...

of both things and, as it
turned out later, wives.

But, anyway,
is any of it valuable?

- [sighs] I mean, a flattened
penny from Niagara Falls--

that's worth less than a penny.

Some random keys.
Ka-ching!

A Neil Diamond cassette tape?
- [gasps] Oh, I'll keep that.

I've been meaning
to check him out.

- What about these
baseball cards?

Mickey Mantle--
wasn't he someone?

- I don't know.
I've never really been a fan

of men's baseball.

- This is from the first
year he ever played,

like, before he
was even famous.

- Oh, it was worth a shot.

- Action Comics "Superman,"
1938.

Wow, this is so old.

That doesn't even look
like Dean Cain.

- Yeah.

- I had IT look up the
Websites that were visited

by the same device
that posted the tweets.

- O...kay, so that's something
one could do.

I didn't--didn't know that.

- So I was hoping we could
narrow down who it might be.

Do you know anyone here
who would have visited, uh,

"Huffington Post,"
"Slate,"

"The New Yorker"
caption contest,

or done Google searches
for "brine my own pickles,"

"Chris Hayes no glasses,"
and "Ronan Farrow age"?

- Huh, well, you know,
that really could describe

just about everyone
who works here.

- It's a--it's a hip group.
- Excuse me.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

If I know who the person is
who was tweeting,

who should I tell about that?

- You--are you saying you do?
- When you say "you"--

- Excuse me.
Who is it?

- Her name is
Sandra Kaluiokalani.

That's spelled K-A-L...

K--
It's K-A-L...

[whispers indistinctly]

K-A-L-A,
then I think it's "O."

It's, um--it's K-A-L...

Kalui...

.

- O-K-L-A-N-A-N-I.

Kaluiokalani.
- Okay.

So how do you know
that it's Sandra?

- Oh, she told me.

We're really good friends,

so we tell each other
everything.

- No kidding, that's--I didn't
realize you two were so close.

- Oh, God, maybe
I shouldn't have said anything.

I'm a horrible person,
aren't I?

- No, you're not.

- She's not gonna be
in too much trouble, is she?

- I can't believe Sandra
would do something like that.

- I didn't think
she had it in her.

I borrowed her car, like,
three years ago,

and she still hasn't asked
for it back.

- Well, I'm not surprised.

Cloud 9's been
dicking her over for years.

- It's true--
she got injured on the job

when she first started working.

Instead of paying
her medical bills,

they just gave her a blue polo.
- [scoffs]

- I guess she just snapped.
- I'm glad she did it.

Like, it's about time one of us
stood up to corporate.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- You know, as a store manager,
I would've been upset,

but as a floor worker,
I'm like, "Get it, girl!"

- She's like a rebel.

- She's like
a total badass bitch.

- Oh, my God, is Sandra
an icon now?

- She's like
a total badass bitch.

- Heard it both times,
thanks.

- Sandra does live
really far away.

Maybe she'd be really happy
to have to find a new job

closer to home.

- Yeah, I mean, a lot
of great success stories

start with someone losing
their dead-end job.

- And perhaps she's supposed
to save the world,

and us keeping her here
is just preventing that.

- Okay, I'm gonna go in there
and come clean.

- No, I'm not gonna
let you do that alone.

We did this together.

- I appreciate that,
but you were right.

It doesn't make sense
for both of us to go down.

You were counting
on me saying that, right?

- It's just that I make
so much more money--

- Yeah, y-you mentioned that.

[Muzak playing over speakers]

- [sighs]

- Hey, so, random--

I was going through some old
security footage with Luanne.

- Yeah?
- And you remember how we used

to have those security
cameras in the break room?

Well, we came across the time
you let all my birds escape.

♪

- Uh...yeah.
Um--

- Remember that?

Remember?
It was Valentine's Day.

Remember?
I was blaming myself for it,

and then when I was at my
lowest, you had sex with me,

knowing that, hours before, you
were the one that let them out.

And you knew the entire time.
And yet, you said nothing.

Remember that?
[laughs] So funny.

- Dina, I'm so, so sorry.

- Hey, come on.
Don't even worry about it.

I forgive you.

When you think about it,
this whole thing is just funny.

Hey, come with me.
I want to show you something.

They went up so fast,
it's like they wanted to burn.

[chuckles]
What's that sound?

Is that air escaping
from the sneakers?

[chuckles] It almost sounds
like they're screaming.

[chuckles]

[whispering menacingly] I will
never forgive you... ever.

- ♪ And I just can't hide it

♪

♪ And I know, I know, I know

♪ I know, I know I want you

♪ We shouldn't even think
about tomorrow ♪

- Hey, Sandra.

- What's going on?
Where are you going?

- I just got fired.
I don't know what happened.

Luanne said I was the one
who was tweeting,

but I swear to God,
it wasn't me.

- No, we know.
- Yeah, don't worry.

We are not gonna
let this happen.

- We're gonna fix this.

- I never even joined Twitter

'cause I was thinking
of running for City Council,

and you know how my humor
can get a little edgy.

[indistinct chatter]
- There she is!

- Hey!
[applause]

- [chanting]
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, S--

Ugh, what is wrong
with you people?

- Guys, I didn't do it.
- It's true, it--it wasn't her.

- Yeah, of course
it wasn't you. Wink.

[laughter]
- Okay, guys, listen.

- Whoever did was
pretty awesome, though.

- Total superstar.
- She's a rebel.

- She's a badass bitch.
- Justine, just go home.

- I have every right
to be here.

- Guys, look,
you know how corporate

just kept cutting back
our hours

and cutting back our hours?

all: Yeah.
- I know they have.

- Well--
- Well, sometimes

you just got to say,
"Enough with the [bleep]."

all: Yeah!

- It's like, you can only get
pushed around so much

before you say,
"No! This isn't fair.

This isn't right."

- What is happening?
- I have no idea.

- What are you gonna do?

- We're gonna--
we're gonna stand up.

- That's right.
- Yep.

- And we're gonna stay strong.

- There she is.
- Yep, that's it.

- And we need to unionize!

[all cheering]

This is just the beginning!
Yeah!

[all cheering]

all: [chanting]
Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!

Sandra! Sandra!

Sandra! Sandra!

Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!