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1
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:17,982
I cannot believe
Our parents are getting married.
2
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,984
When they stand up and say,
3
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,986
"Till death do us part,"
4
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,289
They're talking about us, too.
I know.
5
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:28,293
Which means that you'll forever
Be standing in my blonde shadow,
6
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,463
Never victorious, always
Overlooked and underappreciated.
7
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,799
I'll go open the gate.
8
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,416
[screams]
9
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,419
[crash]
10
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,828
[dialing]
11
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,799
[ringing]
12
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:14,773
Yeah. Nicole julian's house
Of booze? Sam mcpherson calling.
13
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:18,110
I'd like to order
A couple dozen wine coolers.
14
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,846
What do ya mean
You can't deliver it?
15
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,349
What do ya mean you need
My sister to approve it?
16
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,351
[buzzing]
17
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,422
Fine. Hold on. I'll put her on.
18
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,924
[buzzing]
19
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,199
Yes? This is brooke mcqueen.
20
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,767
[buzzing]
21
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,736
Yes, please.
Send the booze over
22
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,238
For my irresponsible
Failure of a sister.
23
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,209
[buzzing]
24
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,544
Thank you so much.
25
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,616
[buzzing]
26
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,752
[screams]
27
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,288
All right! All right
Already, miss brooke mcqueen!
28
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:06,525
Miss homecoming queen!
29
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:10,028
I know you want your dinner,
Miss high-and-mighty!
30
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,517
[tv off]
31
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,120
[gasps] There was
No need for that.
32
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,256
Shut up.
33
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,491
Eat your dinner
Before it gets cold.
34
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,159
Sam...
35
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:44,328
There's something I need
To talk with you about.
36
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:46,130
Sam...
37
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:49,834
We're... We're going
To have to sell the house.
38
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,170
Really, brooke? Why is that?
39
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,505
Our investments.
They've gone...
40
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,875
Oh, you're a liar, brooke.
You've always been a liar.
41
00:02:56,943 --> 00:03:01,647
You think anything happens in
This house I don't know about?
42
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,382
You're trying
To sell this house
43
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,984
So you can put me
In a home.
44
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,854
Sam, there are many
Nice nursing homes
45
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:11,323
For failed
Teenage journalists.
46
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,324
Oh!
47
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:15,960
I call the shots
Around here, brooke.
48
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,963
It's not like
It was in high school.
49
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,869
You wouldn't be able
To treat me this way
50
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,305
If I wasn't in this chair!
51
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:32,076
But ya are
In that chair, brooke!
52
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,579
Ya are in that chair!
53
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,218
By the way,
54
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:42,521
We've got rats
In the cellar.
55
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,523
Enjoy your dinner.
56
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,208
[squeaking]
57
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,110
[squeaking]
58
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:09,748
[gasps]
59
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,750
[gasps]
60
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:21,425
Okay.
61
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:23,728
Look, we have really
Gotta talk here, brooke.
62
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,230
I watched this crazy
Old movie last night,
63
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:29,000
Then I had this nightmare
About driving this old cadillac.
64
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:32,136
I ran you over.
I had the same dream.
65
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,439
Look, I think
We're at a point,
66
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,641
Subconsciously,
Where our safety is at stake.
67
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,811
We can't get to a point where
We're gonna kill each other.
68
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,581
We have to stop this wedding.
69
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:45,516
I've been thinking, and I've
Come across an interesting plot.
70
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,518
Spill.
71
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,162
♪ think it over once or twice ♪
72
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,664
♪ what lasts the longest in this life ♪
73
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:03,935
♪ character or rock-hard thighs ♪
74
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,437
♪ in the end do you believe ♪
75
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,840
♪ that beauty lies in what you see ♪
76
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,909
♪ 'cause if you do, then, baby ♪
77
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,577
♪ you've been deceived ♪
78
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,614
♪ well, me and b ♪
79
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:19,618
♪ we hate supermodels ♪
80
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:28,927
♪ it's just that I'm tired of being compared ♪
81
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,069
[harrison] This is such
A relief. I no longer feel
82
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:40,939
Like my best pal's
The lead singer for bow wow wow.
83
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,207
Is that real? Ow.
84
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:47,311
Of course. Mary cherry's
Wigmaker only uses human hair.
85
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:51,683
You see how nice lunch can be
When we all get along and share?
86
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:55,253
I don't know why you are makin'
A big deal about this wedding.
87
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:58,156
Why stop it, anyway? Can you
Even qualify your reasons?
88
00:05:58,224 --> 00:05:59,958
[both] Well, it's...
89
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,694
Brooke and spam cannot be
Officially bonded as stepsisters
90
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,796
As it would upset
The natural order.
91
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,333
As ringleaders of both the
Popular and the unloved groups,
92
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:12,170
A merging would muddy the lines,
Causing both girls to wonder,
93
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,405
"Who am I? Where do I fit in?"
94
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:15,974
In short,
95
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,578
"We are family" is a disco tune
We ain't gonna be singin', kids.
96
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,112
Got it?
97
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,949
Sid, nancy, good day.
How's it shakin'?
98
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,318
Nicole, please.
99
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,755
We can't go on like this.
We're scaring small children.
100
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:31,990
Give us our wigs.
101
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,625
Oh, god.
102
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:36,528
Pretty, aren't they?
103
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,530
So lifelike.
104
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,998
Know what I mean?
105
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,866
We need that hair.
106
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,268
You and mary cherry
Said you pitied us.
107
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,470
We will buy
Those wigs from you.
108
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,840
- you gave sam hers.
- well, yes.
109
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,042
That's because spam
Graciously agreed to give me
110
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,544
My own style column
In the zapruder reporter.
111
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:56,214
- traitor.
- sorry, guys. I needed hair.
112
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,883
Nicole, why don't you
Just accept the fact
113
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,886
That the feud between
These two groups is over
114
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,322
Once the wedding between
Brooke and sam's parents occurs?
115
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:08,026
Just get over it! Brooke
And sam have gotten over it!
116
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,393
Think again,
Madeline mohawk.
117
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,596
They want this wedding stopped
Almost as much as I do.
118
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,799
Sid, nancy, good day.
119
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,370
Bye.
120
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,173
Look, nic, I don't want this
Marriage to happen either,
121
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,508
But that was harsh.
122
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,510
Come on, satan.
Give 'em their wigs.
123
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,646
Let me be clear. In our society,
With parents who barely
124
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:31,249
Have time to raise us, our
Friends become our family.
125
00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:32,884
That's true.
126
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,521
I don't want lily and carmen
To be my sisters,
127
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,990
Just as you don't
Want spam to be yours.
128
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,225
Simple as that.
129
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,526
[both] Yeah.
130
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,395
I'm warning you
Right now, y'all.
131
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,732
Don't mess with this lady bull,
'cause I'll gore ya in the ass!
132
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,501
Somethin' horrible has
Happened today, and I'm p.O.'d!
133
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:53,204
Did they run out of minks
To anally electrocute?
134
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:57,508
Worse! Mama cherry's
Marrying erik estrada.
135
00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:00,045
- the actor from chips? - yes, joe.
136
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:03,248
Cherry cherry's become blinded
By his hollywood starshine.
137
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,717
Do you think erik estrada
Would sign my ponch doll?
138
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,821
Every time my mama remarries,
I see her two days a year.
139
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,222
He'll steal her away.
140
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,357
This is insane.
It'll be okay.
141
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,626
How did your mother
Even meet erik estrada?
142
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,896
My horror began one month ago
143
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:20,932
When my mother began seein'
This city's best psychiatrist,
144
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,901
Dr. Joe pudmerkin.
145
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,036
she had been experiencin' horrible dreams,
146
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,639
tormentin' flashbacks of her police brutality.
147
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,575
The doctor saved my mama's
Mental health by forcin' her
148
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,777
To confront the copper.
149
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,879
this, he said, would bring closure.
150
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:38,116
Wait. I'm confused here.
Let me get this straight.
151
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,218
A police officer
Who looks like me
152
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:41,820
Roughed you up?
153
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,488
Yes. That's correct,
Mr. Erik estrada.
154
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,658
I asked ms. Cherry
To find someone
155
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:50,428
Who looked like her abuser
For her to reenact the abuse.
156
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:53,064
She, of course, wanted
The original perpetrator,
157
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,634
But, fortunately for him,
He returned to miami
158
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,401
And is now underground.
159
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,604
So, she wants me to play him?
160
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,606
All right already.
Enough talkin'.
161
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,976
I'm paying you $100,000
So I can be free from torment.
162
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,411
Are you game, erik estrada,
163
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:09,580
Or is my money
Not green enough?
164
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:17,321
What do I do here?
Ms. Cherry will tell you.
165
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,992
She needs to be in charge
For her to take back her power.
166
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,828
Now, what the erik estrada
Copper look-alike did
167
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,665
After I slugged him,
Was grab my arm.
168
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,669
Maybe I got the wrong actor.
169
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,571
Are you erik estrada,
Macho latin star of chips,
170
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:37,675
Or one of those wussy white
Gals from sex and the city?
171
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,182
Mmm.
172
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,618
[josh] Wow. Amazing.
173
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,854
Good one, mary cherry.
I almost bought it.
174
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,322
Mary cherry.
175
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,390
♪♪ [theme from chips]
176
00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:54,525
Your mother asked
Me to pick you up
177
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,427
So you can get
Your vaccinations.
178
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,029
I cleared it
With principal hall.
179
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,697
Can I have your autograph?
180
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,065
Sure, kid.
181
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,634
You put that pen
Away, erik estrada.
182
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:07,205
You listen up, 'cause
I'm only gonna say this once.
183
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,709
There's only one star in this
Family, and it's me. Got it?
184
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:14,212
I will not be corrupted
By your icon status.
185
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,982
Okay, sweetheart.
I'll see you at 3:00.
186
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,717
Check out my website.
187
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,458
Okay. We're on.
I told her to come home early.
188
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,161
There was a family crisis
Of paramount importance.
189
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,730
You get the panties?
Yep.
190
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,999
And the slut bomb lipstick.
Okay. Cool.
191
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,700
I'm in a hateful mood.
192
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:40,005
I gotta let off some steam
Or I'm gonna explode!
193
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,505
Ow.
194
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,642
I know just the thing
To perk us up.
195
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:47,678
Saint brooky said that
We have to at least give
196
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,214
Carmen and lily a chance
To earn their wigs.
197
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,617
So I say we put an appropriate
Spin on said request.
198
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,987
Genius.
199
00:10:56,056 --> 00:11:00,624
Division-causin' wig-torture is
Just the mood pick-me-up I need!
200
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:05,429
Oh, what evil act of agony
Should we order up?
201
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,870
[scoffs]
202
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,605
This blue cheese
Smells so disgusting,
203
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,441
I think I'm gonna barf.
204
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,311
Just... Focus on wigs.
205
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,513
Focus on... Wigs.
206
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:23,948
Wigs.
207
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,218
Sid, nancy.
208
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,620
Good work. You know,
Sometimes a girl
209
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,623
Gets a hankerin' for a stale
Blue-cheese grape.
Mm-hmm.
210
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,625
Oh, you are loving this,
Aren't you?
211
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,928
Where are the wigs?
Give us some motivation.
212
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:41,532
It's interesting to see what
People will do to be accepted.
213
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:44,502
Here, let me
Take that for you.
214
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,971
Oh, my.
215
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,008
Carmen, lily, there seems
To be a misunderstanding.
216
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:53,011
Oh, why, yes, indeedy.
There does.
217
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,313
We specifically asked
For peeled grapes
218
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,714
Stuffed with stale blue cheese.
219
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:58,749
What?
No. That's not what you said.
220
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,985
Uh-huh. Yes, we did.
221
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,460
[toilet flushes]
222
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,296
Do them all over again.
223
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,535
I found these...
224
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,038
This morning in the hamper.
225
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,512
Sam, you want to say
Something, then say it.
226
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:34,052
I think mike has
A girlfriend on the side
227
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,854
Who wears black lace.
228
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:40,658
Okay, uh... Why, then, would
Her panties end up in my hamper?
229
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:44,695
Well, men will often collect
Trophies of their conquests.
230
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,964
That's a fact.
Brooke,
231
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,866
This is between my mom and me.
232
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,235
It would be like you
To implicate my father
233
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,905
In one of your hideously
Filthy, muckraking exposés.
234
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,706
Wouldn't it, sammie?
You know what?
235
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,075
I hate your guts!
236
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:58,476
I hate your guts more!
237
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,445
How 'bout that?
Hey, wait. Uh...
238
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,581
What on earth...
What are you doin'?
239
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,850
Oh, just some laundry. Daddy
Wanted me to do his shirts.
240
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,452
[brooke] See? He's so dirty.
241
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,661
Mom, what is that?
242
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,998
It's a hotel reservation.
Noon confirmation
243
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,600
For some place called
The sweet sin palace.
244
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,203
Brooke, do you know
Anything about this?
245
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,271
I-I-I don't get involved
In my father's affairs.
246
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,207
Business, I mean.
247
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:37,047
See, mom?
You're marrying a ho.
248
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,768
Let's get this
Out on the table.
249
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,837
Michael mcqueen,
Are you cheating on me?
250
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,207
Are you having an affair?
251
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,776
Because, if you are,
This wedding is off.
252
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,613
Nope.
253
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,449
Great. Moving on.
Pass the peas, honey.
254
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,951
Sure.
255
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,285
Thank you.
256
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,761
Okay. We made it up.
257
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,730
Brooke made me do it.
Did not.
258
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,899
Yes. I wanted to implicate mike
In a grand-theft-auto scheme.
259
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,401
You said that would
Be unbelievable.
260
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,404
All right. That's it!
That is not funny.
261
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,973
This is not some
Reverse parent trap
262
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:39,310
Where you two get clever points
For trying to break us up.
263
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:43,648
Now, what you did was immature
And nasty... And very wrong.
264
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,949
And it was
Very disrespectful.
265
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,851
We have had it with you.
266
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,322
You both need a forum that
Is constructive to talk about
267
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,258
These merging families
And about the adoptions.
268
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,758
What?
269
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,327
W-what did you just say?
270
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,628
Adoptions?
271
00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:01,499
Yes. Sam, I would like to
Legally become your father
272
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,534
As jane legally becomes my wife.
273
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,270
- and, brooke...
- no. I get it.
274
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,805
And I don't want it.
275
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,476
That's something we will talk
About in family counseling.
276
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,645
That, we will begin tomorrow.
277
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,963
[buzzing]
278
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,898
Stop ringin'
That friggin' buzzer.
279
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,401
You're givin' me headaches!
280
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,478
[crash]
281
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,648
Brooke,
282
00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:53,584
I think we should
Go to family therapy.
283
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,920
We've been locked at
The hip now for 20 years,
284
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,690
Thanks to our parents' marriage,
And we're not getting along.
285
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,560
Yeah, miss brainiac,
And we never will.
286
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,562
You know why?
287
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,697
'cause you're
Stuck in that chair,
288
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:10,501
And I gotta take care of you.
289
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,237
I could've been somethin'.
290
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,239
Professional cheerleader.
291
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,343
Counselin' won't
Fix that, will it?
292
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,813
Brooke, you should pursue
A more intelligent career...
293
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,215
Oh, what's the use?
294
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,018
I'll just get compared to you,
295
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,689
Miss high-and-mighty
Smarty journalist.
296
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:34,024
And I'm sick of it!
297
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:39,797
Just forget
The family counseling.
298
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:45,703
I'm takin' that money and I'm
Spendin' it on a boob job.
299
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,708
Hmm.
300
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,216
Enjoy your dinner.
301
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,273
[squeaking]
302
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,379
[moaning]
303
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,489
[gasps]
304
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,223
[screams]
305
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,561
God! Stalk much?
306
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,063
Another nightmare?
307
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:46,230
Yeah.
308
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,566
Me, too. [sighs]
309
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:52,403
We're gonna have to be strong
During family counseling today.
310
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,173
We're gonna have
To put up a united front,
311
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,742
Or else this nightmare
Will be a lifelong one.
312
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:04,649
Why are we
Doing this, carmen?
313
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,550
Why don't we
Just buy wigs?
314
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,319
Oh, good luck, li'l lily.
315
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,321
You'll never find
Anything that compares
316
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:14,157
To the luxurious quality
Of my human-hair wigs.
317
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,193
Then why don't
We just wear hats?
318
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,430
If we see you wearing
A hat to hide your shame,
319
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,965
We'll torch those human-hair
Wigs, thus condemning you
320
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,736
To acrylic wig status for the
Rest of your high school career.
321
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:29,440
Oh! Well, look.
Fans of nic's style column.
322
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,041
[carmen] What are
They doing here?
323
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,044
Don't blow those elbows, because
When you're done polishing us,
324
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,714
You're scrubbin'
Down the whole school.
325
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,818
Mmm.
326
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:44,755
Hi.
327
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:45,756
Hi.
328
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:53,697
These bridal magazines are
A little bit overwhelming.
329
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,767
Look at this. What a joke.
330
00:18:56,836 --> 00:19:00,103
Dresses for second-time brides,
Practically nonexistent.
331
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:03,808
You're either... Swimming
Like a virgin in white satin
332
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:06,810
Or you're dressed
Like a matron in eggplant.
333
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,178
Oh, look at...
334
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,013
Look at this.
Look at this.
335
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,716
Where's the waist?
336
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,186
Uh, my first wedding
I didn't even wear a dress.
337
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:19,323
I wore these red...
These red leather pants.
338
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,825
Looked like pat benatar.
It was really...
339
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,829
It was horrible.
340
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,768
You loved...
Sam's dad very much,
341
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,302
Didn't you?
342
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,909
Yes. Yes, I did.
343
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,145
The way you love my dad?
344
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:47,250
[sighs] Well, um...
345
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:50,388
Love is always
Different, but...
346
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:53,857
What I feel for mike
Is just as powerful.
347
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:14,678
You know,
Just because I haven't...
348
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,080
Always been 100% supportive,
349
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,583
It doesn't mean that...
350
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,620
I-I just...
351
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:27,024
I want you to know that
I think that you're a really...
352
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:29,026
Good person.
353
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:35,599
I think...
354
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:39,970
You would look...
Really pretty in this.
355
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,572
I don't know.
356
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,475
Well, you know, even if
I got the dress, there's...
357
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,010
There's all the planning,
All the drama...
358
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:51,314
I think that maybe you
Should hire a wedding planner.
359
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,418
Yeah, or double up
On my therapy.
360
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:57,988
Thank you for doubling
Up on your therapy.
361
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:02,292
Coming two times a day, I think,
Will prove to be helpful.
362
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,196
Why is she
Hitting me?
363
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,165
Mary cherry is threatened
364
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:12,002
By the presence of a new parent
And is acting out her rage.
365
00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:14,605
Making a new family
Is a delicate art,
366
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,041
Much like sculpting
In sandstone.
367
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,376
Cut the crap, pudmerkin.
368
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,545
Just give my daughter here
A prescription for some lithium.
369
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,881
Mr. Erik estrada,
370
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:26,684
Are you sure you want
To marry into this family?
371
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:29,386
Oh, yes, doctor.
372
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:32,523
We're deeply in love.
373
00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:35,993
Please, doc, tell me
What I have to do
374
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:38,862
For mary cherry
To accept me as her father.
375
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:42,032
Mama, ain't I
Enough for ya?
376
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:44,535
No. You know I've
Always wanted to beat
377
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:46,304
Elizabeth taylor's
Marriage record.
378
00:21:46,372 --> 00:21:49,874
Plus, you act like I'm runnin'
Off with tom wopat or somethin'.
379
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,041
Give me that.
380
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,576
Now, I've had enough.
381
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:56,447
Mary cherry, you come over here
And give your steppoppy a hug.
382
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,583
Do it!
383
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,686
I will never hug him.
384
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,387
I will never accept him.
385
00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:08,092
I cannot be bought.
386
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,261
Well, then I guess
This is useless.
387
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,997
I have saved
This authentic
388
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,934
chips crew jacket for
A moment such as this--
389
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,937
To give to the daughter I've
Always wanted but never had.
390
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:23,974
This radiates with
Authentic '70s allure.
391
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,877
Nic couldn't even buy one
Of these. They're collectibles.
392
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,546
Got anything else
I could use for show-and-tell?
393
00:22:29,615 --> 00:22:30,881
Yes.
394
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:33,617
A hunk of wood from
The desk I sat behind
395
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,253
During my first appearance
On hollywood squares.
396
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:39,357
Also, an interview
Request for my stepdaughter
397
00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:42,927
To appear on the e! hollywood true story
They're doing on me.
398
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:45,463
I'm gonna be on e!
And be famous?
399
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:50,000
Well, the whole school'll
Just be pea green with envy.
400
00:22:50,069 --> 00:22:51,401
Give it to me!
401
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:53,170
Give me a hug first.
402
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,879
There you go.
403
00:23:01,947 --> 00:23:05,215
Circle gets the square.
[whimpers]
404
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:11,489
Sorry. I forgot my keys.
405
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,491
Mr. Vincent.
406
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,961
Miss mcpherson.
Miss mcqueen.
407
00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:20,831
Hi. Oh, dad, jane, this is mr.
Vincent. He used to teach drama
408
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,233
Until he had to resign
For psychiatric help.
409
00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:26,069
Which dr. Pudmerkin has
So wonderfully provided.
410
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:27,972
Wait. Mr. Vincent,
Are you still teaching?
411
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,272
Oh, god, no.
412
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:32,309
I moved on to a fresher,
Much more glamorous vista.
413
00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:35,112
I'm a wedding planner now.
414
00:23:38,217 --> 00:23:40,483
You were on
the love boat six times?
415
00:23:40,552 --> 00:23:43,987
Well, bust my lord taylor.
That beats charles's record.
416
00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:47,624
[door opens]
417
00:23:49,495 --> 00:23:52,162
I'm ready for you now.
418
00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:59,737
Uh, why did she
Just hit me?
419
00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:02,706
Shouldn't brooke's teen rage
Be directed against me?
420
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,308
Yes. One would think.
421
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:07,945
Brooke's act of aggression
Is interesting, though.
422
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:10,213
Do you know what it tells me?
423
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,115
That maybe...
424
00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:16,553
Sam is the lone dissenter
To this union of two households.
425
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:19,156
Sam. True or false.
426
00:24:19,224 --> 00:24:21,725
False, dr. Pudmerkin.
427
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,462
Brooke and I feel
We don't want to be adopted
428
00:24:24,530 --> 00:24:25,763
And be sisters.
429
00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:27,698
We just wanted to be a family,
430
00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:30,734
And we wanted...
I wanted you to have a father.
431
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:34,704
I already have a father.
Or did you already forget him?
432
00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:39,409
If you hadn't noticed, you
Already have a daughter, too.
433
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:43,814
Sam, adoption is not about
Erasing memories. It's about...
434
00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:47,651
It's about caring for you.
It's showing you and brooke
435
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,487
That we love you enough
To provide for you legally
436
00:24:50,555 --> 00:24:53,457
In case something should
Happen to your mother or myself.
437
00:24:53,526 --> 00:24:55,626
It's not meant
To be a threat.
438
00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:58,261
Brooke, will you wake up
And defend me here?
439
00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:01,531
Tell them we do not want this
And we will not cooperate.
440
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,266
Right.
Dad, mom...
441
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:04,434
"Mom"?
442
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:07,670
W-w-wait. She
Is not your mom.
443
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:10,007
You don't want that.
444
00:25:10,076 --> 00:25:11,942
Actually, sam,
445
00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:14,577
I think I kind of do.
446
00:25:14,646 --> 00:25:15,879
What?
447
00:25:15,948 --> 00:25:17,014
Sam, look,
448
00:25:17,082 --> 00:25:19,116
I keep thinking about
What harrison asked us.
449
00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:20,784
What did he ask you?
450
00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:22,552
He asked us
To make a case
451
00:25:22,621 --> 00:25:25,255
For why we shouldn't
Be sisters, and we couldn't.
452
00:25:25,324 --> 00:25:28,626
The truth is, sam, the biggest
Stumbling block we have...
453
00:25:28,694 --> 00:25:30,460
Is that we're a lot alike.
454
00:25:30,530 --> 00:25:33,697
That's the thing that we hate
The most and won't admit.
455
00:25:33,766 --> 00:25:35,098
Isn't it?
456
00:25:35,167 --> 00:25:37,901
Fine. Fine. Whatever.
457
00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:40,470
We are still neglecting
A big point here.
458
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:44,742
We are old enough to have a say
In what our family is.
459
00:25:44,810 --> 00:25:47,311
I am not five.
If I'm gonna be adopted,
460
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:50,514
I want a say, and I say
I don't want that.
461
00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:53,283
Well, I do want that.
I've really come to love jane.
462
00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:57,154
She's sort of filled a hole that
I've always had in my heart.
463
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,289
I don't think of this
Wedding or adoption
464
00:25:59,358 --> 00:26:01,391
As getting a mother
Forced on me,
465
00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:04,494
Because I think that
She's become one naturally,
466
00:26:04,564 --> 00:26:07,230
Just by being who she is.
467
00:26:10,469 --> 00:26:12,635
So, jane...
468
00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:19,109
I would like very much
For you to be my mother.
469
00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:22,579
I would love that, brooke.
470
00:26:22,647 --> 00:26:23,914
[scoffs] Great.
471
00:26:23,983 --> 00:26:25,749
Thank you, brooke.
472
00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:28,752
You're welcome, daddy.
473
00:26:28,821 --> 00:26:32,322
Oh, thank you, brooke.
474
00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:35,726
Oh, this means
So much to me.
475
00:26:35,795 --> 00:26:37,728
[gasps]
Oh! Sam!
476
00:26:39,865 --> 00:26:42,099
[mike] Brooke.
477
00:26:42,167 --> 00:26:43,366
Ow!
478
00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:45,668
Sam. Sam.
Brooke. Brooke.
479
00:26:45,737 --> 00:26:47,004
Time-out.
480
00:26:47,072 --> 00:26:49,472
Just breathe. Breathe
And just... Time-out.
481
00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:50,540
Shut up!
482
00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:52,676
Honey, no.
Not the doc. No, brooke.
483
00:26:52,745 --> 00:26:53,877
Stop. Stop. Stop.
484
00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,212
No. Stop. Oh!
485
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,514
Let me at her!
Stop. Stop. Stop.
486
00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:13,063
Aren't you hungry, josh?
487
00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:16,133
Uh, no. Lookin' at these two
Make my stomach all acidy.
488
00:27:16,201 --> 00:27:18,168
All I have to say is, how.
489
00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:22,139
How could you let this go on
So long? Have you no shame?
490
00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:25,375
Don't you think we're trying?
We're working our butts off.
491
00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:27,878
Stuffing grapes, scrubbing
Asses. Who knows what's next?
492
00:27:27,947 --> 00:27:30,513
I don't think we're ever
Gonna get back our hair.
493
00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:32,015
Wait. Wait. Wait.
494
00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:33,683
You scrubbed their asses?
495
00:27:37,689 --> 00:27:39,289
Okay.
496
00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:41,191
Where are you going?
497
00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:44,227
This is stupid.
We are savvy, powerful women.
498
00:27:44,296 --> 00:27:47,597
We are smart enough
To find a way outta this mess.
499
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:50,567
What if we can't? What if
These mohawks condemn us
500
00:27:50,635 --> 00:27:53,570
To a life of loneliness
Without acceptance or love?
501
00:27:53,638 --> 00:27:57,707
Hey, hot mamas. No worries,
'cause we're the love you seek.
502
00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:59,809
Um, we don't know you.
503
00:27:59,878 --> 00:28:02,012
Most of the time
We just skate
504
00:28:02,081 --> 00:28:04,782
Or hang out at the local
7-eleven bummin' smokes.
505
00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:06,583
I think they like us.
506
00:28:06,651 --> 00:28:08,251
Join us in the aryan nation.
507
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,854
Let's make hot love
All night long
508
00:28:10,923 --> 00:28:12,756
And plot to overtake
The government.
509
00:28:12,825 --> 00:28:15,425
Um, no. That's not right.
510
00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:17,995
Oh. Okay.
511
00:28:18,063 --> 00:28:20,898
Wanna buy a kitten
So we can afford smokes?
512
00:28:20,966 --> 00:28:21,931
[meows]
513
00:28:22,001 --> 00:28:24,301
He's got worms.
514
00:28:26,238 --> 00:28:27,670
[squealing]
515
00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:30,740
Buy our wormy kitten
Or we'll kill you bitches!
516
00:28:33,846 --> 00:28:37,114
We had a plan.
We were on the same page
517
00:28:37,182 --> 00:28:39,883
With breaking our
Parents up once and for all.
518
00:28:39,952 --> 00:28:42,586
But I guess
That was yesterday. Huh?
519
00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:44,687
I never should
Have trusted you.
520
00:28:44,756 --> 00:28:46,456
You're just jealous.
Jealous?
521
00:28:46,525 --> 00:28:49,459
You're trying to steal
My mother. You're jealous.
522
00:28:49,528 --> 00:28:52,629
I'm not freaking out about
My father wanting to adopt you.
523
00:28:52,697 --> 00:28:55,465
That's because
I won't let him adopt me.
524
00:28:56,736 --> 00:28:59,169
As I keep pointing out, brooke,
525
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:02,205
I already have a father,
Thank you very much.
526
00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:04,942
And you have a mother,
So leave mine alone.
527
00:29:06,212 --> 00:29:07,845
Your father...
528
00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:10,480
Didn't walk out on you, sam.
529
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:13,250
I am sorry that he died.
530
00:29:13,318 --> 00:29:16,453
But, god, at least
You know that he loved you.
531
00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:18,956
How would you feel...
532
00:29:19,024 --> 00:29:22,692
If just one day,
Your mom was gone?
533
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,527
If she just left
534
00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:26,396
Without even
Saying good-bye,
535
00:29:26,465 --> 00:29:30,167
And you woke up to find out
That you were no longer loved,
536
00:29:30,235 --> 00:29:32,369
That maybe she
Never loved you.
537
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:34,872
That's me, sam.
538
00:29:37,042 --> 00:29:39,509
And you're wrong.
539
00:29:40,780 --> 00:29:43,547
I really don't have a mother.
540
00:29:53,826 --> 00:29:55,893
Why, yes, emme.
Like I was tellin' you,
541
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:58,861
When I first spotted
Erik estrada, I said to my mama,
542
00:29:58,930 --> 00:30:02,732
"Mama, now there's a man that
Would make a perfect stepdaddy."
543
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:05,235
And, yes, emme,
It was me who told him,
544
00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:09,506
"Erik, go for the chips reunion.
Reunions are in."
545
00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:11,508
Okay. One last
Question, mary cherry.
546
00:30:11,576 --> 00:30:14,111
Do you have any plans
To sleep with erik estrada?
547
00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:15,913
Nic, that's sick!
548
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:17,915
E!'s not gonna ask me that.
549
00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:20,250
Why not? He's hot. It happens.
550
00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:22,052
And if you do,
551
00:30:22,121 --> 00:30:24,954
You'll also be interviewed
On e!'s mysteries and scandals.
552
00:30:25,024 --> 00:30:28,258
That is two e! Interviews in
One year, and that's popularity.
553
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,294
Point taken.
Mm-hmm.
554
00:30:30,362 --> 00:30:33,964
Let's practice lip-looks for
My imminent celebrity explosion.
555
00:30:36,969 --> 00:30:38,401
[phone ringing]
556
00:30:38,470 --> 00:30:40,703
Maybe that's e!
Confirming our interview.
557
00:30:40,772 --> 00:30:41,705
[ringing]
558
00:30:41,773 --> 00:30:43,140
Mary cherry here.
559
00:30:43,208 --> 00:30:46,443
Mary cherry, the wedding's off.
Also, drop ten pounds.
560
00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:49,980
[sobbing]
561
00:30:50,049 --> 00:30:51,648
Mary cherry, what happened?
562
00:30:51,716 --> 00:30:54,651
Did e! Bump you for somebody
More famous like marilu henner?
563
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,120
There's not gonna be
An e! Interview, nic.
564
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:59,289
The wedding's off!
565
00:31:17,343 --> 00:31:19,709
Let me guess.
Sam's in a bad mood.
566
00:31:19,778 --> 00:31:23,446
That must mean...
Not getting along with sister?
567
00:31:23,515 --> 00:31:25,115
It's that obvious?
568
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:28,418
[sighs] I feel like
I'm at the end of my rope
569
00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:32,289
And the box has been
Kicked out from under me.
570
00:31:32,357 --> 00:31:35,992
I can't take it anymore. I
Can't take this school anymore.
571
00:31:36,060 --> 00:31:38,996
Sammie, everybody
Feels that way.
572
00:31:39,064 --> 00:31:41,864
Do you think I'm in danger
Of becoming a bitch?
573
00:31:41,933 --> 00:31:43,900
Yep.
574
00:31:43,968 --> 00:31:46,269
I know.
575
00:31:46,338 --> 00:31:49,773
If brooke's mom hadn't been such
A freak and left her at eight,
576
00:31:49,841 --> 00:31:52,709
This whole thing
Wouldn't be happening.
577
00:31:52,777 --> 00:31:56,446
There's gotta be a way
To stop this marriage.
578
00:31:56,515 --> 00:32:00,049
Why are you so afraid
Of that actually happening?
579
00:32:00,118 --> 00:32:02,051
Are you kidding?
580
00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:03,920
I've already lost a father.
581
00:32:03,988 --> 00:32:06,055
Now I've gotta
Lose a mother, too?
582
00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:09,559
You're seeing this all wrong.
You're not losing anything.
583
00:32:09,628 --> 00:32:12,562
We used to be this great team.
584
00:32:12,631 --> 00:32:14,864
You know? It was us.
585
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:17,867
Us against the world,
Even when my dad died.
586
00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:24,041
She never cried once
During that whole time,
587
00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:26,676
Even at the funeral.
588
00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:29,546
You know why she never cried?
589
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:31,381
Why?
590
00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:33,883
'cause she said I was her rock.
591
00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:40,623
We used to spend time
Together, and now we don't.
592
00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:43,460
Now she's always
With mike or brooke.
593
00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:49,899
I feel like I lost my best
Friend, and I want her back.
594
00:32:52,271 --> 00:32:56,373
Sam, look. It's not like
595
00:32:56,442 --> 00:33:00,243
Your mom's gonna let herself
Be stolen away by brooke.
596
00:33:00,312 --> 00:33:01,744
She will.
597
00:33:03,114 --> 00:33:05,548
She already has.
598
00:33:07,185 --> 00:33:10,420
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm such a drag.
599
00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:13,423
Just... Can't help
The way I feel,
600
00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:16,092
Even if I am overreacting.
601
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,273
[jane] Hmm.
602
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:32,609
Go ahead. Try it on.
603
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:33,910
Really?
604
00:33:33,978 --> 00:33:35,412
Mm-hmm.
605
00:33:38,917 --> 00:33:41,118
[giggles]
606
00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:45,655
Oh, you are going to be
A beautiful bride one day.
607
00:33:45,724 --> 00:33:46,689
Really?
608
00:33:46,758 --> 00:33:47,990
Mm-hmm.
609
00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,929
Oh, look.
610
00:33:54,566 --> 00:33:56,733
[both giggle]
611
00:33:58,903 --> 00:34:00,737
Look.
612
00:34:00,805 --> 00:34:02,706
[giggles]
Beautiful.
613
00:34:02,774 --> 00:34:05,308
[squealing]
Oh, I love it.
614
00:34:29,768 --> 00:34:31,334
I need to talk to you.
615
00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:35,137
Please, spam. Like I'd ever
Be seen in public with you.
616
00:34:35,207 --> 00:34:37,374
Even in private,
You'd have to pay me
617
00:34:37,442 --> 00:34:39,709
To endure your noxious
Halitosis breath.
618
00:34:39,778 --> 00:34:42,579
Do you want it in 10s or 20s?
619
00:34:44,383 --> 00:34:47,317
What's up? Spit it out.
I haven't got all year.
620
00:34:47,386 --> 00:34:49,152
I need your help...
621
00:34:49,221 --> 00:34:51,888
To stop the mcqueens
And mcphersons from fusing.
622
00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:55,725
Brooky doesn't want the merger
To take place, so it won't.
623
00:34:55,794 --> 00:34:58,227
You're wrong.
She's into it.
624
00:34:58,297 --> 00:35:02,399
She wants my mom
To adopt her. She said so.
625
00:35:02,467 --> 00:35:04,901
Oh, I get it.
626
00:35:04,969 --> 00:35:08,705
You're trying to turn brooky
And me back into sworn enemies.
627
00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:12,141
Well, listen up, bald hilda.
Brooky and I are soul sisters
628
00:35:12,211 --> 00:35:14,477
And we will never
Be divided again.
629
00:35:14,546 --> 00:35:17,714
You won't be sisters
If she becomes mine, nicole.
630
00:35:17,783 --> 00:35:19,616
Have you seen
Your precious brooke,
631
00:35:19,684 --> 00:35:22,018
A.K.A. The source
Of your power, today?
632
00:35:22,086 --> 00:35:24,554
No. You haven't.
633
00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:27,824
She's been hanging with her
New best friend, my mother.
634
00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:30,927
With a full-fledged family
To occupy her time,
635
00:35:30,996 --> 00:35:33,129
She'll see you less and less.
636
00:35:33,197 --> 00:35:36,899
And the less time
You spend... With brooke,
637
00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:39,235
The lower your rep goes.
638
00:35:39,303 --> 00:35:41,404
I know my mother
Doesn't like you.
639
00:35:41,473 --> 00:35:43,406
She thinks you're
A bad influence.
640
00:35:43,475 --> 00:35:45,174
And I'm sure brooke will soon
641
00:35:45,243 --> 00:35:47,444
Be turned around
To that school of thought.
642
00:35:47,512 --> 00:35:49,378
So, why come to me?
643
00:35:49,448 --> 00:35:52,415
Because you're evil.
644
00:35:54,052 --> 00:35:56,353
Flattery'll get
You everywhere. Go on.
645
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,262
There is so much to do
And not much time.
646
00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:07,730
That's why we hired
A wedding planner.
647
00:36:07,799 --> 00:36:11,701
Mr. Vincent is an idea man. He
Doesn't take care of everything.
648
00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:13,570
Oh. Honey, what's left?
649
00:36:13,638 --> 00:36:15,972
Well, there's
The church and the band.
650
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,909
Brooke is taking care of
The flowers and the invitations.
651
00:36:19,978 --> 00:36:23,112
Can you drop off this check
To the church after school?
652
00:36:23,182 --> 00:36:26,148
I have to meet the caterers
From 2:00 to 5:00,
653
00:36:26,218 --> 00:36:29,118
And then we've got
Mr. Vincent at 5:30.
654
00:36:29,188 --> 00:36:31,654
I'm with the florist
From 3:00 to 5:00.
655
00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:34,057
I can help.
656
00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:38,461
You volunteered to drop off
The deposit check at the church?
657
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:41,598
God. You are so stupid, spam.
658
00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:44,133
I told you. You volunteer
To book the priest.
659
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:47,637
The day before, I would seduce
Him while you took pictures.
660
00:36:47,706 --> 00:36:49,839
He'd be defrocked,
And they'd have to cancel.
661
00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:52,141
I'm sorry.
I thought this would work.
662
00:36:55,414 --> 00:36:57,346
Can we still screw it up?
663
00:36:57,416 --> 00:37:00,417
You're workin' with a pro here.
Give me the check.
664
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:07,857
Oh, hons. Come out,
Come out, wherever you are.
665
00:37:07,926 --> 00:37:10,092
It's time to tidy up
The bushies.
666
00:37:12,331 --> 00:37:13,863
Give us back our wigs!
667
00:37:13,932 --> 00:37:15,164
Fine! Wax me!
668
00:37:15,234 --> 00:37:17,033
I would rather
Die, mary cherry.
669
00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:20,337
This is your last chance.
Where is our friggin' hair?
670
00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:22,305
In my locker behind
The titanium lock!
671
00:37:22,374 --> 00:37:23,472
What's the combination?
672
00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:25,475
I'd rather go bald
Than tell you!
673
00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:26,943
Fine.
674
00:37:28,113 --> 00:37:29,145
No!
675
00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:30,446
No!
676
00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,452
Stop it! No!
677
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:37,253
Please! No!
678
00:37:38,390 --> 00:37:40,924
Oh, my god! No!
679
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,127
Take a look now,
Sideshow freak!
680
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:50,633
[screams]
681
00:37:51,770 --> 00:37:53,703
So what?
682
00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:56,038
Even though
Famous passed me by,
683
00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:58,174
I'm still popular enough
At this school
684
00:37:58,242 --> 00:38:01,911
To take this hideous look
And turn it into a teen trend.
685
00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:04,847
One last time, cherry.
686
00:38:04,916 --> 00:38:05,882
[buzzing]
687
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:07,917
The combination
To the locker.
688
00:38:07,986 --> 00:38:09,385
Okay! Please.
689
00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:12,288
My combo's
My dream measurements:
690
00:38:12,357 --> 00:38:14,724
34-8-34.
691
00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:22,398
[meows]
692
00:38:22,467 --> 00:38:24,567
His name's wormy.
693
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:26,569
Good news!
The wedding's back on.
694
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,905
Why, mother, how could this be?
695
00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:30,272
Don't be stupid, stupid.
696
00:38:30,341 --> 00:38:33,176
I was just bluffin' till
Erik estrada signed the prenup.
697
00:38:33,244 --> 00:38:34,911
What the hell happened to you?
698
00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:36,913
You look like
A make-a-wish kid.
699
00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:39,816
I knew you were gonna bring
Shame on this new family.
700
00:38:39,884 --> 00:38:41,951
It figures you'd
Make yourself over into some
701
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:45,922
Skateboard chick on the only
Day e! Could interview ya.
702
00:38:45,991 --> 00:38:47,890
E!, she's in here!
703
00:38:47,959 --> 00:38:49,893
What? No.
704
00:38:52,430 --> 00:38:54,597
Hi, e!
705
00:38:56,868 --> 00:39:00,202
[vincent] Who says
That second-time brides
And their teen helpers
706
00:39:00,271 --> 00:39:03,272
Need to look like typical
Suburban nightmares?
707
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:05,708
Witness these elegant
Couture creations.
708
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,377
Thank you, clementine.
709
00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:13,249
Kayla is wearing a bridesmaid's
Dress by new belgian designer
710
00:39:13,318 --> 00:39:15,084
Oliver mcvessins.
711
00:39:15,153 --> 00:39:17,253
My, some tawny legs
712
00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:21,724
Stunningly showcased
By sunshine apricot satin
713
00:39:21,793 --> 00:39:24,361
Makes this daring
Ensemble a must
714
00:39:24,429 --> 00:39:25,962
For the chic
High school bridesmaid.
715
00:39:28,567 --> 00:39:30,399
Lights, please. Thank you.
716
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:36,673
Well, ladies,
You've seen over 50 choices.
717
00:39:36,741 --> 00:39:38,841
Name your poison. Jane.
718
00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:40,777
Uh...
719
00:39:40,846 --> 00:39:44,013
Well, um...
720
00:39:44,082 --> 00:39:46,850
Actually, wayne,
They were all... A delight.
721
00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:48,117
Really.
722
00:39:48,186 --> 00:39:49,852
Thank you.
723
00:39:49,921 --> 00:39:52,054
Mr. Vincent, my mom
Is tryin' to say
724
00:39:52,123 --> 00:39:53,656
That all these
Dresses sucked.
725
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:54,691
Oh, sam.
726
00:39:54,759 --> 00:39:57,760
Ladies, disperse.
727
00:39:57,829 --> 00:40:00,663
Okay. Okay. They didn't
Suck, but they're...
728
00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:03,600
I think what sam is trying
To say is that, perhaps,
729
00:40:03,668 --> 00:40:06,836
They're a little...
Too new york.
730
00:40:06,905 --> 00:40:08,170
There's no such thing.
731
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,474
Um, mr. Vincent, maybe...
732
00:40:11,543 --> 00:40:13,510
Maybe what would
Be really cool
733
00:40:13,578 --> 00:40:17,413
Is if we all could
Just design our own dresses.
734
00:40:17,482 --> 00:40:20,382
Sam. Sam,
That's a great idea.
735
00:40:20,451 --> 00:40:21,951
Yeah. A real pip.
736
00:40:22,020 --> 00:40:23,953
Not at all nightmarishly
Time-consuming for one
737
00:40:24,022 --> 00:40:27,256
Who's still shaky and takes
Up to 14 pills a day like me.
738
00:40:27,325 --> 00:40:29,893
Sam, how sweet
You're being.
739
00:40:29,961 --> 00:40:32,061
How quaintly
Cooperative.
740
00:40:32,130 --> 00:40:34,363
Little do they know
About the petulant bad girl
741
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,598
Lurking behind
The judas grin.
742
00:40:36,667 --> 00:40:38,400
You're just
Buttering them up
743
00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:40,202
To make the betrayal
More satisfying.
744
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,071
Nicole, what are
You talking about?
745
00:40:42,140 --> 00:40:44,173
Do you wanna tell
Your mother about
746
00:40:44,242 --> 00:40:46,275
Your little backstabbing
Scheme, or should I?
747
00:40:47,779 --> 00:40:51,848
Okay. Then I'll
Take the floor.
748
00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:54,416
Ms. Mcpherson,
Sam came to me
749
00:40:54,486 --> 00:40:57,787
And asked me to help her stop
The ceremony at any cost.
750
00:40:57,856 --> 00:40:59,288
Sam?
751
00:40:59,357 --> 00:41:02,424
I agreed to help screw up
The securing of the church.
752
00:41:02,493 --> 00:41:04,026
Or that's what I told her.
753
00:41:04,095 --> 00:41:06,362
We went together
And dropped off the check
754
00:41:06,431 --> 00:41:08,031
To father bob
At st. Mary's,
755
00:41:08,099 --> 00:41:10,633
Where sam made a point
Of securing the church
756
00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:12,802
For may 18, 2002.
757
00:41:14,338 --> 00:41:17,406
But we want the church
For this year in two weeks.
758
00:41:17,476 --> 00:41:21,010
I know. That's why I went back
And undid sam's hatchet job.
759
00:41:21,079 --> 00:41:24,881
Brooky, jane,
Don't worry.
760
00:41:24,949 --> 00:41:28,150
Thanks to me, the wedding
Will happen on time.
761
00:41:30,221 --> 00:41:32,554
Well, I...
I don't believe you.
762
00:41:32,623 --> 00:41:34,791
I don't think that
Sam would do that.
763
00:41:34,859 --> 00:41:36,558
[beeping]
hello?
764
00:41:36,627 --> 00:41:38,727
Hi. Father bob,
It nicole julian.
765
00:41:38,797 --> 00:41:40,729
Yeah. Hold on.
766
00:41:44,969 --> 00:41:47,937
Tension, tension,
Tension, tension!
767
00:41:48,006 --> 00:41:50,072
Miss mcqueen, water. Water.
768
00:41:50,141 --> 00:41:51,741
I need my pills.
[jane] Hello.
769
00:41:51,810 --> 00:41:54,811
Seems I can't trust
Anyone these days, huh?
770
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,614
Yeah. Especially somebody who's
Waited all year to get payback.
771
00:41:57,682 --> 00:41:59,481
Have fun in
The time-out chair.
772
00:41:59,551 --> 00:42:02,218
Looks like you're gonna
Be in there for months.
773
00:42:02,286 --> 00:42:06,122
Ms. Mcpherson, I hope that
This proves once and for all
774
00:42:06,190 --> 00:42:08,391
I'm not a bad
Influence on brooky.
775
00:42:08,459 --> 00:42:11,727
I just want what's best
For her and her family.
776
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:15,798
How could you do this to me?
777
00:42:15,867 --> 00:42:18,367
To this family?
778
00:42:18,436 --> 00:42:20,769
This isn't my family.
779
00:42:20,839 --> 00:42:23,439
My family is you and me.
780
00:42:23,507 --> 00:42:25,908
At least it used to be.
781
00:42:36,688 --> 00:42:38,587
[yawns]
782
00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:08,751
"To mike, mom, and brooke.
783
00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:11,087
"I'm very sorry
For the church debacle,
784
00:43:11,155 --> 00:43:13,089
"And I hope everyone
Can forgive me.
785
00:43:13,157 --> 00:43:15,324
"Still, I cannot
Participate in something
786
00:43:15,393 --> 00:43:18,895
"I know in my heart
Is the wrong choice.
787
00:43:18,963 --> 00:43:22,865
Have a nice wedding and have
A nice life. Good-bye."
788
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,033
Sam?
789
00:43:38,116 --> 00:43:41,683
♪ to bend and not to break ♪
790
00:43:41,752 --> 00:43:45,454
♪ chin up, try not to quake ♪
791
00:43:45,523 --> 00:43:48,958
♪ I'm grinning on the outside ♪
792
00:43:49,027 --> 00:43:52,895
♪ but I'm a wreck internally ♪
793
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:58,434
♪ ooh, la la la la ♪
794
00:44:02,406 --> 00:44:06,375
♪ ooh, la la la la ♪
65310
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