All language subtitles for Popular (1999) - S01E16 - All About Adam (480p DVD x265 Panda)_track4_[eng]

previously, on popular...

She doesn't know
What she's giving up.

We're not friends, nic.
Those days are over.

Loyalty is clearly
Not rewarded.

Is that what you call
Sleeping with my boyfriend?

You shoved him
Off your plate.

And the little dog
Under the table

Wasted no time
Gobbling up my scraps!

[whistle blows]

♪ I'm on the outside
looking in ♪

♪ and I don't know
where we went ♪

♪ our lives have gone
in different directions ♪

♪ all I see is... ♪

You're the best one,
You know.

I mean, what are the supremes
Without diana ross,

Or blondie
Without deborah harry?

I'm not exactly diana ross.

Nope. But you're
Brooke mcqueen.

Hi, I'm adam rothchild ryan.

And you probably think
I'm a stalker right now.
I'm sorry.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry,
How do you know me?

Who doesn't at this school?
Your biography is almost
A required course.

Brooke mcqueen,
Homecoming queen,
Captain of the glamazons.

President of
The honor society.

Girlfriend of josh ford.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ex-girlfriend.

Ex.

Don't the girls
Usually follow your rule?

Why are they listening
To your second-in-command?

I think she's
Buying their lunches.

But I can't prove anything.

I just decided
To sit this one out,

See if anybody noticed
I was up here.

They didn't.

Yeah.
I hear that.

I've been at this school
Since the millennium dawned,

And you're the first person
Who's spoken to me.

Really?
I've never seen you before.

Sucks feeling like
You're invisible.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

[girls giggle]

Hold onto that john hancock,
Crazy stalker fan.

It could finance
Your mortgage someday.

I'll treasure it,
Mary cherry.

Look, you're right across
From gwyneth paltrow.

How perfect is that?

I know you must all
Get bored of hearing this,
But this squad is hot.

Did you see the heifers
From nixon high last week?

No comparison.

Did you see the polyester
Jackets they wore?

God, not to mention,
The mustaches.

Suffragettes were
Marching again.

Speaking of equal rights,

Adam's dream
Is to be a cheerleader.

But, brooke, only those
Who have a uterus
Can be a cheerleader.

In colleges, they have
Male cheerleaders, and
They're called yell kings,

And I was thinking that
Since the fifth slot is open,

It might be cool
To let adam audition.

I just think
You guys are cool.

And I want to do
Something athletic, too.

I'm a swimmer, but they
Don't have a swim team here.

Ever since april tuna
Had diarrhea in the pool,
And they had to drain it.

So, what do you think?
We do have an opening
On the squad.

You know, brooke,
It pains my heart to
Disagree with you, darling,

But as a christian,
I'm just not comfortable

With a man's hairy hands

Touching my spongy places,
Propelling my buttocks
Heavenwards.

Yeah, and I'd have
To marry any man that saw
My split jumps from below.

On the other hand, girls,
Let's not forget

How well it worked out
The last time brooke backed
A cheerleader candidate.

After plucking
Carmen ferrara from obscurity,

Old carm dissed us
Publicly in kangaroo court.

All those in favor
Of trusting brooke's instincts,
Raise your hand.

Sorry, hon,
It's ladies' night.

Look, you know, that's cool.

I understand.

Maybe we could all just go get
A coke sometime or something.

Adam, since you're so
Dead-set on being one of us,

May I suggest
You serve as mascot?

You know, I lost a few strands
Out there. Would you mind
Reweaving my pom-poms?

Oh, also,
I almost forgot.

My car needs washing.
Okay? Thanks, hon.

Sorry.

Adam, I'm so sorry. Please
Don't take that personally.

That wasn't about you.

Nicole is such
A nasty slag.

As if she's be anything
Without you.

I mean, you're maria.

She's anita, at best.

Is mary cherry retarded?

♪ think it over
once or twice ♪

♪ what lasts
the longest in this life ♪

♪ character
or rock-hard thighs ♪

♪ in the end do you believe ♪

♪ that beauty lies
in what you see ♪

♪ 'cause if you do,
then, baby ♪

♪ you've been deceived ♪

♪ well, me and b ♪

♪ we hate supermodels ♪

♪ it's just that I'm tired
of being compared ♪

They didn't even let him
Try out; they just voted no.

That's not fair.

What are you guys
Gonna do about it?

Maybe I should
Write an article?

Sam, that would be so great.

Do you see how powerful you two
Are when you work together?

You could transform
This squad.

Adam says that
I could be modeling.

His uncle is
Francesco scavullo.

Is that the guy
On the sopranos?

No, sam, he's like the hugest
Fashion photographer ever.

There's this modeling contest
Through chick power magazine,

And adam's helping me
Get my pictures ready.

These are pictures
With clothes, I hope.

Dad, I am talking about fashion
And new possibilities,

Not boogie nights.

What happens if
You actually win?

You go and eat ex-lax
In the garment district?

If I win, I get to be
The power girl,

A national role model
For teenage girls.

I get to do a commercial
For chick power magazine,

With the girls
From the u.S. Soccer team.

Plus, the winner gets
A free trip to new york city
For the announcement.

Aha!

Hey, guess what.
Great news.

Hillary had liposuction?

No, but sam mcpherson,
Girl reporter,

Is taking up your pom-poms
And writing an article

About your brush
With gender discrimination.

Do you think
It'll sway nicole?

Why are you taking down
My old pictures?

Adam, I didn't say
You could do this.

We're sharing lockers...

I thought you'd want
A clean slate to go
With your new perspective

As a provincial
High schooler turned
Globe-trotting supermodel.

Sorry. My mistake.

No. You're right.

It's a new life.

See you at lunch. Bye!

Excuse me.
Is that your locker?

Tibetan prayer beads.
Done.

I saw them at
Ross dress for less.

Take a look at slade bracelets.
You'll find fashion moves
In 25-year cycles.

At least, that's what
My godmother says.

Maybe you've heard of her.
Diane von furstenberg?

Nicole, why do you settle
For lady-in-waiting

When you could be queen?

This school already
Has a queen: a brooke mcqueen.

She's seventh avenue bound,

Which will leave
Kennedy high's camelot
Wide open for her successor.

Twiggy boy, you're clever.

As well as being
The first person

To ever correctly challenge
My fashion sense.

And I dig you,
In a bonnie and clyde,

Let's-dress-up-in-
Expensive-clothes-and-
Kill-people kind of way.

But brooke still has
A cali zip code.

Mary cherry and popita
Are against a penis-packing
Pep squad,

So all of your ass-kissing
Is done in vain, hon.

What if brooky is no longer
A threat, and poppy and m.C.
Fall in line?

Well, then I suppose
A position on the squad
As my hem-kisser

Might magically come open.

Oh.

You lift, don't you?

[locker door closes]

Well, the composition
Is horrible,

The lighting looks like it
Was done by principal hall.

Did the indigo girls
Lend her this outfit?

Actually, the subject
Is sort of foxy.

Who is it?
Sam, she lives with me.

She's the one who's writing
The editorial about you.

You think she's foxy?
In a simple,

I'm-gonna-be-
A-checkout-girl-in-orange county
Sort of way, yes.

Adam, that's not
Very nice.

I was just trying
To make a point.

She is not as foxy
As brooke mcqueen.

Okay, look, the only reason
I showed you this

Is I think that I should
Pose for my pictures
For the contest like this.

Natural, you know. Real.

Not gonna happen.
Look, I grew up
In the magazine world.

And to be an "It" girl,
You want to move beyond
Looking like cousin it.

To win this contest,
You need to look hot.

Britney spears,
rolling stone time.

Who took that picture,
Anyway? It's horrible.

I did.
Whoops!

Uh, which just goes to prove,
You're destined to be
In front of the camera.

I guess.

These past few days
Have been so great, brooke.

I mean, being with you
Sort of reminds me of when
My mom and I would just...

Hang and stuff
And... And talk.

I miss her.

What happened to her?

She left when I was 11.

Um...

My mom did
The same thing to me.

Actually, it's the reason
I took this picture of sam.

I found one
Of her old cameras,

And I thought maybe I had
A little part of her in me.

I guess I don't.

Maybe that's why we met.

I mean, maybe that's why
We both always feel so alone,

'cause our mothers left us.

Maybe.

Call me paranoid,
But that new guy, adam,
Rubs me the wrong way.

I agree with you,
He creeps me out.

All that black, and
Everything always matches.

Is he gay?

He admitted to me
He had a one-night thing
With queen latifah.

I both admire and fear him.

See? Why would
Queen latifah be with him?

As opposed to you?

What's that supposed to mean?

I just think that you,
All of you

Quivering male egos,
Are intimidated by him

Because he is different
And secure with himself,

And I think it's making you
A little insecure.

What kind of a guy
Wants to be a cheerleader?

He's different. He's out there.
What's wrong with that?

I still think he deserves
A chance to be a cheerleader,

And that's what my article
Is gonna be about.
Whoa.

Sam, you are so
Supermodel giselle here.

Carmen, why are you
Going through my stuff?

Because.
I'm nosey and curious.

You should be
The next chick power girl.

Oh, what?

No, you're way
Photogenic here, mcpherson.

Don't kid, okay?
Is that harassment?

These were not my idea.
I detest modeling. It's dumb.

But brooke begged me,
And I gave her her folly

In exchange for exclusive
Weekend tub privileges.

Anyway, despite all the heinous
Vanity that was involved,

I really got to say that
I look really cute in this one.

So, josh, you want to go
Work on the vocabulary thing?

And then we can discuss
The pros and cons of
Making out behind the school.

Ew.
Let's go.

[sugar]
Okay.

I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna catch up
With you later. See you
At the photo shoot.

You're gonna be fine.
Bye.

So, you've been defying gender
Expectations your whole life.

Is that why you wanted
To be the school's
First male cheerleader?

Look, I was raised
By feminists,

And they told me I could
Be whatever I wanted to be.

Maybe I'll fail,
But at least I tried.

All I want is a chance.

You know,
You're an amazing reporter.

So insightful.

You've asked me questions
I've never even asked myself.

Oh, stop.

Sam, this is so powerful.

Great job.

Thank you for giving me
The hot tip.

[phone rings]

Brooke, don't you want
To get the phone?

You've been so
"Let me get it" all week,
I'm afraid to touch it.

That makes three of us.

You guys, stop kidding.
I've just been a little nervous
Hoping chick power would call,

And they haven't,
So I lost, and I'm moving on.

Please, someone,
Get that. Please?

Please?

Hello?

Yes.

Help me, god, she won,
And my life's about to get
Even more inadequate.

She is.

She's... She's here.

Hold on.

Sam.

Congrats.
You're the new power girl.

Did you get
My message last night?

Look, modeling
Isn't for everybody.

Some people
Don't have what it takes.

You said I was a natural.
You're a pretty girl.

But it seems you're high school
Pretty, not power girl pretty.

I shouldn't have let you pick
That slutty mall photo place.

So now your crash and burn
Is my fault?

I don't think so, brooke.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to go pick up a paper

And read the article that sam
So kindly wrote about me.

A fine fellow that adam.
Wouldn't you say?

Given his favorable press.

Well, this is a feather
In your cap, but you're
Still zero for three.

You haven't delivered
Mary cherry or popita,

And brooke is still
Very much with us.

I hear chick power
Took a pass.

You on the squad?
Not gonna happen.

[lily] Wait a minute.
He told me...

He rescued beagles from
An animal experimentation lab

With kim basinger
And alec baldwin,

And afterwards
They went out for sushi.

No, it was naomi campbell,
Rabbits, and indonesian.
I've got it on tape.

I'm sure he told me
Kim and alec.

Maybe you should do
A follow-up on this huckster.

I mean...
She doesn't have time.

She has to practice
Facial expressions for
Today's power girl...

What in the name
Of linda evangelista
Are you talking about?

Sam is the new
chick power girl.

[both] What?
Leaving brooke in the dust.

Carmen, have I thanked you
Enough for going behind my back

And rescuing me
Even for a millisecond
From this high school hell?

What happened
To your calling?

What happened to journalism,
Miss seriousity?

Yeah, since when did
Icon touring start
Mattering more to you

Than your reputation
As a serious journalist?

Lighten up. Okay?

It's a high school paper,

And it's just one
Teeny inconsistency, lil.

Sam, you're late.
You're due at chick power
Studios at 3:00,

And the genius cross-dressing
Stylist at the mac counter
Leaves at 2:00.

Yeah, he can show you how
To disguise the adam's apple.

[both] Shut up, harrison.

That guy is wrong.

I hear that, sipowicz.

Lose the morocco
Lip pencil, mary cherry.

Too hideous kinky.

Well, thanks for saving
My lip look, private ryan.

I'm glad there's
No hard feelings about
My "Remember the alamo" stance

Against male cheerleaders.

Not at all. I admire your
Retro-sandra dee aesthetics.

Almost as much as
I admire your precision
On the football field.

You must have a lot
Of jazz dance miles
On your nubile tires.

Yes, I do. When I was in texas,
I spent a number of years...

Yes?

I studied tap. Recitals.
Junior miss pageants.

You know, that kind of thing.

It's over, cherry.
You're jamba juice.

I know all about your history.

You're bluffin'!

Am I?
[gasps]

Pretty.

[crying]
Why did you do this?

That was just
The color xerox, "Presh."

I have the original
From the "Up with people:
Our glorious history" archives.

Glenn close
Was in up with people,

And she's been nominated
For the oscar five times.

And lost five times in a row!

Oh! Oh, please.

I beg of you,
Don't breathe a word of this.

I am at the top
Of the social heap.

If word gets out that
I toured the country
With wafer nibblers,

One alum of which
Lost the oscar to cher,

They'd eat me alive.

Ha! Your sordid biography
Belongs only to you,
Mary cherry.

But do you remember how,
In your little group,

Men and women danced
Feverishly with one another

In lieu of having
Premarital sex?

Couldn't you imagine
A kennedy high
Cheerleading squad

With both boys and girls
Thrusting their pelvic girdles?

Couldn't it
Be heaven on earth?

No!

Popita fresh?

You're humming,
You're bopping.

I'd say you're
Almost mm-bopping.

Just listening
To jenny lopez.

Huh. I thought
She had a lower voice

And didn't sing
In triplicate.

I've got you, chola.

Go to heck.

I don't need to stand here
Listening to your ethnic slurs,
Bee-atch.

I was merely
Speaking latina,

The way you did
Last week, poppy.

I was out sick for three weeks
With the sydney flu.

My fever was so high,
I was seeing koala bears.

Or was it pigs,
As in "Bay of"?

I wasn't in cuba.

I think you didn't
Have the flu at all.

Isn't it true that you are
Secretly and shamefully

The internacional
Chapter president of
The hanson fan club?

And have been on a goodwill
Mission to bring bad music

To an island paradise
That is 15 years behind us?

Okay! I've tried everything!

Aversion therapy.
Alternative rock counseling.

The backstreet boys.
I can't shake
My hanson addiction.

I'm so uncool.

Listening to alanis
Is uncool.

Listening to hanson
Is pathetic.

I need help.

You need me, chiquita.

Popita and I have decided
To leap into the 21st century

And vote for our first
Male cheerleader.

Well, girls,
As your co-captain,

I will certainly take
This under advisement,

But as you know,
We must all agree upon
A candidate unanimously.

And, frankly, I'm not
Quite ready to cast my vote.

Yeah, okay, nic.
Great. It's up to you.

But I've done my part,
Wouldn't you say?

Adam? Sir? Beloved?

Okay, before you go, girls.
Here's the memo on
This afternoon's pep rally.

There's been a change.

We're gonna be going on
Before the marching band,

In order to give the trombones
Time to empty their spittle.

Does brooky know we're
Starting a half hour early?

I mean, that diana ross
Is a stickler for punctuality.

We have sixth period together.
I'll make sure to tell her.

Thanks a lot.

What did you
Just say to me?

I said thanks a lot,
Carmen.

Despite the fact that
I have always been supportive
Of you when others weren't,

You went behind my back and
Entered sam in that contest.

That's really nice.

And by the way,
I saw the billboard.

I got the message.
You and josh are dating.

I don't care, and I don't want
Him back, because I'm over
High school romances. Okay?

'cause it's all about you.
Right, brooke?

You underestimate people.

Sam, me. Why don't you just
Admit that you never imagined

Someone who found
You attractive

Could also
Find me attractive?

Now I know that
Every once in a while,

There are
Come-from-behind victories.

[sobbing]

Uh, mr. Director person?

I kind of feel
Like a mannequin here.

Uh-huh.
Yeah, hear you.

Sam, meet your co-stars,
Nike athletes

Tiffeny milbrett
And tisha venturini,

Members of the u.S.
Women's soccer team.

Um, it's an honor.

I really love your sports bras.

Hey, sam's right.
She does look like
A mannequin in that dress.

Thank you.

[stamping feet]

These kids are gonna
Tear this joint apart

If we have to wait
Another minute.

Where the hell
Is brooke mcqueen?

Hopefully calling rehab.

What did you just say?
Nothing.

It's just, miss ross,
It pains me to have to
Tell you this,

But after dipping her toe
In the fashion industry,

I think our miss brooke
Might be having a problem
With substance abuse.

She disappears into the novak,
Loses all track of time,

And comes out
With her eyes red.

Brooke mcqueen is...
A total pothead.

Child, I know brooke.

She is a paragon of virtue,
The best and brightest
This school has.

Mm-mm. She is not
The cannabis kind.

Hey, guys.

Miss mcqueen, you are late.
I'm sorry.
I was in the novak.

There was a memo
That everyone else on
This squad seemed to get.

I thought we were
Gonna go on after the band.

I never got a memo.

Brooke,
I hand-delivered it to you.

Adam, I did not read
Any memo, okay?

Maybe you did, and you were
In such a reefer haze,

You couldn't process
The information?

May I search your bag?

Please, be my guest.

I was upset.
It's...

Oh, my god, y'all.
Brooky's got a bong!

I'm suspending you.
You are off the squad.

Ryan, adam rothchild.

Mm! There's two matches.

International banking,
1776-1986,

And "Let's go vino," a bus tour
Of european vineyards. Man!

We need sam.

We need sam bad.

[lily] If we can ever get her
Back from the modeling world.

Nic, what's the announcement?
We're here.

It's my duty to bask
In my singular power
And introduce to you,

Our very own "Manazon."

Ready for practice?

Actually, I've worked up
A little routine

I think might take us
In a new, modern direction.

If that's okay.

Five and six and seven, eight,
And jazz hands!

And one, and two,
And swim it out,
And swim it out.

And one, and two,
And dip and thrust.

And one, and two,

And dip and thrust,
And dip and thrust.

And one.
Come on, poppy!

Pop, pop, work it!

Work it!

Mary cherry, mary cherry.

Mary cherry, quite contrary!

And turn, turn, turn, turn.

I can't work with this!

Girls, we need
A moment here.

We need to review
The power structure here, toots.

I have the power now,
And you will do as told.

It's lonely at the top,
Isn't it, nicole?

It's so lonely, I think
You're about to resign
As glamazon captain.

Like I'd ever do that, cupcake.

If you don't, I'll tell
The world you're a former fatty.

So I had a little baby fat
In those awkward preteen years.
Who didn't?

But you went beyond baby fat
To john waters territory.

And I'm not just talking
Ricki lake.

I'm talking
Divine proportions.

You spent seven summers
At the stomach staples
Arena fat farm.

I have your transcripts
Right here.

[screaming]

I do trust you. It's just
That in this day and age,

I have to be this involved.

I have to be this...

Sure.

Yeah.

As a parent.

You know, as someone
Who loves you so much.

I can't afford
To be wrong.

Okay, I know, daddy.

For centuries, girls have
Been told to limit themselves.

They can only do so much,
Be certain things.

It's a man's world.

Well, guess what, fellas?
Times have changed.

[♪♪ hard rock]

if I want,
I can be an athlete.

or if the mood strikes,
a web site designer.

who says a girl can't be
a construction worker?

or a supermodel?

I can be
Whatever I want to be .

I'm a girl, damn it.

[man]
Chick power magazine.

we show you the way
to kick boy ass.

You're a natural, sam.

[switch clicks]
Hey, don't turn it off.

I like it.
You make it look fun.

You know, it's been oddly
Liberating for me to fail.

I can check some things
Off my list now.

I'm not a model.

I'm not a cheerleader.

I'm not a girlfriend.

What can I be?

Uh, I heard about
The random drug testing.

Brooke mcqueen,
Stoner chick.

That bong was planted.

By adam?
It doesn't add up.

You were so supportive
Of him being on the squad.

Why would he turn on you?
It makes no sense.
I know.

What are you gonna do now?

We need a crash course
In filthy muckraking
On a remedial level.

One hour,
After school, please?

I'm catching a plane
After school to new york

To promote the magazine.

I can't. I'm sorry.

God, I just heard a confab
That made my blood run cold.

Brooke mcqueen is talking
About wearing a polyester smock

And working down
At the mall, selling pretzels.

She's become teen trash.

Oh, my god. It's a total
Social about-face.

What's wrong?

I... I don't know.

I feel horrible for her.

Even though, in a cavewoman,
Fighting-for-my-man kind of way,
I should be jubilant...

I thought I'd throw a party
When mcqueen finally failed,

But I feel bad for her.

Sam, you must be pleased.

You've always wanted to see
Old brooke brought down to size,

And now,
Thanks to adam,

You got your dream.

Whoa. I don't know why
My stomach's so unsettled
This morning.

It must be all the excitement
Over working with
Our new captain.

Yeah, isn't
His choreography ingenious?

All right, girls.
What's he got on you?

Mary cherry, you first.

Okay, fine.
I was in up with people.

I'm the international president
Of the hanson fan club.

And once upon a time,
I was a brunette.

Okay, I was the size
Of an imax screen, all right?

Oh, I knew
I saw stretch marks.

Okay, now he got
The goods on us.

We got to get
The goods on adam.

How?

A man's life is
In his wallet, but adam
Leaves his in his locker,

So he doesn't alter the line
Of his expensive slacks.

Girls?

I think it's time
For operation angels.

Part deux.

Valmont's headed
For fifth period. Amen.

Mary cherry,
Why are you praying?

Old habits die hard.

[clicking]

Tick-tock, tick-tock,
Tick-tock. Let's go.

no, use the file
on the lock, cherry!

The antichrist
Is on the loose.

Oh, god.

Watch it!

Sorry. I was just trying
To run and get that slide

Worked in the way
That you had showed us

In cheerleading practice,
And it just must...

[coughs]
Excuse.

The dust of the floor
Just makes... Ah-choo!

Excuse me. I feel like
I'm catching all of this...

Your skin
Looks incredible.

It's crazy.
I love your hair. It's...

Hi, adam.

Great. We'll see you tonight.

Come on.
Got it yet?

Oh, let's go. I don't share
Oxygen with spazzes.

No, wait. It's time for the
Peasants and the aristocracy
To work together.

Li'l lily?

Joe? I hold in my hand
The key to the mystery of adam.

Thank god,
'cause it's not on the web.

I fear the evil
That lurks inside.

What's in there?
Multiple I.D.S
With different names.

Mini stills from
Audrey hepburn movies.
A receipt from this wallet.

How we gonna figure out
Which one's his real name?

Y'all, stand back.

This is lady's work.

The little bugger's name is...

[electricity crackling]

Billy bob smelt!

Sister's got voodoo.

Sort of. Thanks to
My subscription

To soap opera puzzle
magazine for 15 years,

I'm a whiz at
The impossible anagram.

Like mine,
Adam's is a criminal mind.

Ooh! Lord, I've got the vapors.

My brain's not used
To working this hard.

Joe, catch me.

Wow. What now?

I've got an idea.

[beeping]

Okay, we struck out there.

The national access search
Shows no billy bob smelt.

Spam, shouldn't we just break
Into principal hall's office,

Check his file and see
Where he lives here?

Already did, satan.
The work numbers for
His parents are disconnected,

His address is not
In any thomas guide.

Wait a minute.
Let me see that receipt.

"The armadillo emporium."

[beeping]

Access search says...

Two matches. Bingo!

One's in texarkana,
The other in
Tupelo, mississippi.

My girl is on it.

I must say, spam,
You're a veritable nancy drew,

But see, hon, could you
Explain where we're going here?

In journalism school,
They teach you not to just
Go to the scene of the crime

But to the origins
Of your source.

When we find out
Where he's from,
We'll get him where he lives.

Tupelo and my beloved
Texarkana.

That's quite a bit
Of country to canvass.

Wait a minute.
Listen to this.

you're an amazing reporter.

so insightful.

He stumbles a bit.
His diphthong's whacked.

He's from tupelo!

If he was from texarkana,
The emphasis would be

On the second syllable.
I never thought

I would say this,
But thank god for mary cherry.

Here's spam's plan. We track
More of billy bob's victims,

We get a pattern going and find
His original criminal impulse.

Okay, but how do we dig
Around tupelo, for god's sake?

Stupid bill,
Mary cherry here.

It's my mama's
Airplane mechanic.

Fuel up the learjet. I'll need
It in about half an hour.

Okay, thank, stupid.

How do we get a picture of him
Without him knowing?

Brooke.
She's a photographer.

Where is brooke?
Having a bad hair day?

She's starting work
At hot & salty.

[gasping]
The pretzel place.

Not our brooky! No!

Hey, joe, this is
The part where you're
Supposed to catch me.

Girls, joe:

I think it's time
We staged an intervention.

You should be wearing
A diamond tiara, b.

Not a salty one.

Go ahead, nic, make fun
Of my precarious decline,

So you and your new
Best friend adam can get in
Another cackle at my expense.

Adam's not my best friend,
Brooke. You are.

I'd rather crawl through glass
Than see you selling
Pretzels at the mall

While listening to the muzak
Version of "La vida loca."

I didn't think anybody
Cared what I did anymore.

I'm really sorry!

I never should have done
What I did with josh,

And I'm an idiot,
And it will never happen again.

Oddly, nicole,
That's not enough for me.

Oh!

You know what?
Can I ask you something?

Why did it happen at all?

Why would you do that
To someone that you claim
Is your best friend?

I'm a bitch.
Okay? I admit it.

But you inspire me
To be a better person.

God, if I'm half as evil
As that horrible vampire, adam,

Then I should be
Burned at the stake.

But the truth is,
I don't want my friends

To have to accessorize
With madonna-style crucifixes.

They're so '80s!

I'm not on drugs.

I know.

And spam knows
And everybody knows.

We'll get you back
On the squad if it's
The last thing I do.

With one click of your camera,
We're setting up adam--

Just like he set you up,
Just like he set up
The rest of us.

And then, honey,
We're gonna burn your hat.

Got your page.

So, what is it now,
Artist formerly known
As "Fat-ass"?

Yes, yes, yes.

Got you now, my pretty.

I thought you had
A plane to catch?

Yeah, I missed it.
Some things are more important.

And the magazine folded
At noon today, so they
Cancelled the campaign.

I'm sorry.

[mary cherry] Stupid bill,
pass those honey-roasted
nuts back here.

thanks, stupid.

[rat squeaking]

You guys, she's been gone
For four hours.

Something is going to turn up.
We just have to wait.

come on, stupid. Faster!

You guys,

I think that maybe
We should face

The cold, hard,
Yet relieving truth

That mary cherry's
Plane has crashed.

Joe, cross yourself
And take that back.

I come bearing gifts.
Within two hours of my posting,

My cell phone began ringing,
And on the other end,

May I present to you
The very first building block

In our exorcize adam quest.

Well, come on in, hon.
Don't be afraid.

May I present to you
The original adam victim,

Miss wanda rickets!

[lily] Why is she
Wearing a straitjacket?

She escaped from a sanitarium,
Bless her cracker heart.

Adam drove her mad.

Wanda?

Wanda, can you hear me?

Please, we need your help.

I like pie.

I thought they stopped
Giving lobotomies?

Wanda, pie is for dessert.

Right now, we just need
A main course of information.

You know,
You are so pretty.

[mary cherry]
Wanda. Come on, sweetie.
We're not talking about me.

We need to know about adam,

Or we'll have to break out
My car battery charger

And try electroshock therapy.

Okay.

Um...

Well...

I was... I was once every bit
As beautiful as you, brooke.

I mean, I wore
Butterfly barrettes

And was homecoming queen.

But then he took it all away.

see, my time at
lynyrd skynyrd high
was bright and shiny.

until one day
at a pep rally,

when my reign as
a tupelo teen dream ended
just as swiftly

as it had begun.

[people clapping]

[all gasp]

Just say no!
Just say no! Just say no!

Just say no! Just say no!
Just say no!

No!

And then after my disgrace
And suspension,

I just hit rock bottom.

I mean, I wrote folk music
And went to therapy.

Got put on the wrong
Combination meds

And sort of developed
This split-personality, too.

You got any pie?

Wanda, why would he
Do this to you?
What was his motive?

I don't know.

Of course you don't.

You can't conceive of anything
That doesn't revolve around you

And your precious popularity.

Can you, wanda?

Or brooke.
Or nic or poppy.

Or the retarded one,
Mary cherry.

We've cracked your nut,
Cheer boy.

Internet-friendly, I see.

Not to mention
Handy with a camera.

Yeah.
Like the lighting?

How about the composition?
It's over, billy bob.
We've got you.

You took this sweet,
Innocent cheerleader

And turned her into
Some sideshow. Why?

Sweet and innocent,
My ass!

She turned me into what I am.
All you cheerleaders did!

But we were nice to you.
I even gave you
An autographed hanson picture.

That was only because
I pretended to be rich
And cool and fashionable.

You're not rich?
But those clothes!

Shoplifting.

I'm a military brat.

My dad makes squat,
My mom takes in laundry
For a living, and we...

What?

We live in a trailer
In echo park.

[gasping]

So, you're pretty much trash?

Yeah. I am.

People like wanda
Wouldn't let me forget it.

[bell rings]

Hi, wanda.

I said that every day
for three years,
always to haughty silence.

until one day,

she spoke back.

You know what?
Stop saying hi to me.

I don't like your face,
And I don't talk to guys
Who aren't jocks. Got it?

Wanda...

No, I said stop talking to me,
Trailer trash!

the truth is, it's a thin line
between love and hate,

And I hated what I loved
And couldn't become.

I just wanted
To be somebody.

Somebody else.

I'm sorry.

Sob story time is up.

I'm gonna stick a fork
In your butt. You're done.

We're telling everybody
That you live in a double-wide.

Everybody!

I'm gonna hire a blimp!

Now you can know
What it's like to suffer.

I don't want
To do that.

Brooke, come on.
He's got to pay.
He has.

Sort of.
Guys, come on.

Is he any different
Than any of us?

Almost everybody
In this room is guilty

Of trying to reinvent
Themselves to be accepted.

You're right.
Nowadays, you can be
Anybody you want to be.

Yeah. Just make sure
You don't lose yourself.

It's fun... It's funny.

You're the first cheerleader
To ever show me

An ounce of kindness.

Thank you.

And I'm gonna go and tell
Miss ross that you're innocent.

I'm gonna go with him to
Make sure he's on the up-and-up.

Hm. Uh...

Come on.

Wanda, let's go
Get you some pie, huh?

Adam, you wanted
To tell me something?

Miss ross,
It's about brooke mcqueen.

I told you she was
On the dirty dope,

And that wasn't true.

The bong was planted,

And the person
Who planted the bong
In brooke mcqueen's bag was...

Judy stoner.
The junior hooked on weed.

I saw her do it with my own
Two appropriately dilated eyes.

Miss julian, why didn't you
Tell me this sooner?

It's the first time the cat's
Ever gotten your tongue.

I was afraid.
Judy's got this hell's angels
Boyfriend named, um...

Billy bob.
Right.

But I got rid of him
Once and for all.

I believe judy
Was busted yesterday

For distributing inappropriately
Seasoned brownies.

I'm going to call
Miss mcqueen's parents,
Extend my apologies,

And tell them that
She's back on the squad.

Dismissed.

Why did you decide
To save me?

Truth of the matter is,
I can relate to what
You're going through.

Uh-huh. And?

Also, by saving you,
It means I own you now.

Got it, little
Well-groomed one?

I thought you really did
Look pretty in that picture
I took of you.

I don't know,
Maybe you should give
Modeling another whirl.

No, I'm not a hair spray
Kind of a gal.

Don't get me wrong.
I do want to escape
This high school hell.

Tell me about it.

But I think I should
Start a bit more locally.

You know cranky's,
That cool new music store?

They're accepting applications,
And I think yours truly
Is going to apply.

Cool.
You guys know something?

I believe this is
The first time that all
Of us from different groups

Have sat around together
Eating pie.

You know what, lily?
You're right.

I'm gonna document
This moment.

'kay. Ready?

♪ to bend and not to break ♪

♪ chin up, try not to quake ♪

♪ I'm grinning
on the outside ♪

♪ but I'm a wreck internally ♪

♪ ooh, la la la la ♪

♪ ooh, la la la la ♪