Original subtitles

Stephen: He's learning so fast!

That's my baby boy's baby boy.

Get him to try another one.

Can you say "Ni maamaa"?

Ni maamaa.

- Paul: Aww. - Who am I?

Kookoo.

Hey, little guy.

What do you call me?

Ni paapaa.

What?! That's not your papa!

I'm your dad!

I'm sorry, Paul.

Fuck you, Stephen Harper.

You've been filling his little brain with your lies.

You ruined my family. I hope you're happy.

- I said I'm sorry! - I'm the papa,

not this pasty light-skinned Native.

Come on, PJ. Tell me, who am I?

(heart beating)

Weenuk.

(gasping)

(stammering)

♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

...at the cutting edge of science and technology,

in a place beyond possibility.

That's because I'm taking rez radio

into the world of AI.

That's artificial intelligence for all you earthlings.

(making static sound effect)

One small step for Grouse Lake,

one giant leap for rez radio.

Stupid Stephen Harper.

Sitting around all day doing sweet fuck all,

and he gets credit for being PJ's father?

Must be nice.

Hey, Paul, how do you like your shirts folded again?

Like rectangles with the sleeves tucked in.

Holy shit, man,

how many times do I gotta say that?

See what I'm saying about this fucking guy?

Maybe take it easy on Stephen Harper.

Rose: Yeah, and maybe if you stepped up a little more

and did more stuff with PJ,

he wouldn't be so confused about who his dad is.

PJ probably just thinks Stephen Harper is his dad

because he's the donor.

Yeah, you guys are right.

Agnes: It's just a phase.

Paul: Yeah!

That's what I was thinking.

Sorry for being so stupid earlier.

Hey, boss, got another shipment of misprints.

Check it out.

- Winnipeg Jens. - I knew a Winnipeg Jen once.

Moved to Phoenix in the '90s.

Real heartbreaker.

Man, we have so much in common, nothing's gonna come between us.

Yeah, man!

Oh, hey, guys. (sniffling)

Cold on the water today, lads.

(sniffling)

Got some barnacles on the old hull.

♪ I can't believe ♪

♪ My fuckin' eyes ♪

♪ I wanna shack up with you ♪

♪ I fuckin' love you ♪

There you go, Roger, all set.

It looks like a regular old laptop.

This regular old laptop

is loaded with the latest ThinkStink technology.

It's so easy, even a Mooshum or Kookum can use it.

What about a handsome young uncle?

Ehh. Easy for them, too.

Oh, you don't say.

Watch this.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) This is Laughingstick in the morning,

the most handsome, entertaining,

intelligent radio host in the world.

Go on.

All you do is press a few buttons, sit back...

and relax.

Now, I can take real bathroom breaks,

instead of using my trusty old pee jug.

Eww.

Stephen Harper: Is this the place?

Yep.

I'm touched you brought me here.

The thing is, the last time I was out here,

I lost my best sandwich.

It just disappeared.

What? Really?

I had it, and then I put it down just for one second,

and for the life of me, I don't know where I put it.

- Out there. - Yeah, out there.

Beyond those trees.

Way beyond those trees.

Give me a scent.

(sniffing)

I've got it!

And don't come back until you find it!

- (chuckling) - (starting truck)

Hey, man, it's not nice to stare at a woman

when she's picking her nose.

Yeah. Yeah.

Gonna be in port for a few days.

Got some work to do on the barge.

Oh, yeah?

She's been groaning like a whale in heat.

You got coffee or you gonna have a mutiny on your hands?

Fresh pot in the back, Captain Bro.

You and Gale still bumpin' uglies?

Nah, man. We're just bros, bro.

Hey, I know what you're thinking.

She goes port to port.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

And she's Cree.

I think two of my kids are Cree.

And she only dates people named Dean.

Do middle names count?

Don't say I didn't warn you, man.

But, Dean, look at her.

She's like some kind of swashbuckling pirate.

I bet she buckles all kinds of swashes.

Okay, ThinkStink, it's just you and me now.

Let's see what you got.

Play me the greatest Native love song of all time.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Here you go, Roger.

Here's Chester Knight with "Love Me Strong".

Yes!

This station will be the crown jewel of the North

and we'll be the greatest duo since George and Tammy.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Johnny and June?

Guns and Roses.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Actually, Roger,

Guns and Roses are a band, not a power couple.

Okay, ThinkStink.

Since you know everything,

play me the second best Native love song.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Coming up...

(playing polka music)

Nah. We'll work on that.

This just isn't like Stephen Harper

to take off without telling us.

Paul?

Ahh, nope!

I'm worried.

That's probably all the cleaning talking.

I am, by staying out of the way.

Just sitting there on your arse.

People help in different ways, you know.

I'll different ways you.

Yeah, get off your jeet and go find Stephen Harper.

We need his help.

I'm in the middle of doing something.

"In the middle of doing something."

Now, you're at the end of doing something.

All right, fine!

But you two gotta learn how to live without Stephen Harper

doing everything for you guys.

Yeah, I said that!

Doubloon for the coffee.

Best begin back to the ship to help me hands on deck.

Later, scallywags.

Avast there, matey. Hold yer course.

I have words for your ears.

Yo-ho-ho.

I spent time on a barge,

prison barge.

Oh, yeah? Prove it.

She's a beauty.

Oops.

"Cousin Dean Leon"?

You're a Dean?

Only by middle name.

Still counts.

Come by later.

We can... swap sea stories.

Won't that be weird with...

Dean?

Cousin Leon: I asked him.

What did he say?

"Yeah, man."

Sure sounds like him.

Arr, it's a date.

Later, landlubber.

(door opening, closing)

I don't wanna...

jump to conclusions, but...

I think wolves got to Stephen Harper.

- What? - How do you know?

Well, you can tell from the almost scissor-like rips

and from the ketchup-like bloodstains

that they definitely ate him alive.

Not Stephen Harper!

So sad. So sad. Well...

I'm gonna go... I'm gonna take a nap.

(sobbing)

- (knocking) - Huh?

What? Ma!

Is that you?

Stephen: I tried to find your sandwich, Paul,

and I searched everywhere!

I'm so sorry, Stephen Harper. I never meant to get rid of you.

- Stephen Harper, I'm sorry! - Rose: Paul!

I shouldn't have tried to get rid of you!

Rose: Paul!

What did you do?

PJ called Stephen Harper dad, so I drove him out to the bush

to look for a sandwich,

only there was no sandwich!

I just tried to get rid of him!

And then, I tore his shirt

and told you guys he might have been died.

And now, he might actually be dead!

(sobbing)

Paultholomew! That is a big Anishinaabe sin!

Go get him!

Okay,

but I'm just gonna finish sleeping first, okay?

Both: Now!

Fine!

(both laughing)

(mock laughing)

Yeah, good one. What's so funny?

Hey, uh, a little privacy, bro.

Actually, we're closing, so drink up.

It's noon.

Oops.

Blimey!

It got everywhere. Leon, go get a mop.

It's my day off.

We're fine. You can swab it later.

Oh, hey.

Why don't I just go fuck myself then?

♪ Just tell me ♪

♪ You love me ♪

Hope you like the second best Native love song ever!

(polka music playing)

Jeez.

What the fuck, bro?

(polka music playing)

(polka music blaring)

♪

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:)

And if you're wondering, yes,

my voice is just as handsome in real life.

Come to think of it...

Can I help you?

Can't even tell the difference.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) ...I'm always literally there.

Weird clone. Where do you hide the wires?

I'm not a clone, you idiot.

It's me, Roger.

That's something a clone would say.

Would a clone do this?

(vocalizing in high pitch)

According to my research, yes.

You're just here earlier than expected.

Ah, put the damn graph away, Lips.

I can be in two places at the same time,

thanks to ThinkStink.

Okay, good. I thought my predictions were off.

(staff laughing)

- Roger: What's so funny? - Shh...

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) So, I'm trying to fight off

a sneeze, but the guy thinks I'm pointing to the road

with my lips.

(all laughing)

I taught that Roger everything he knows.

Yeah, but this Roger's better.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Here's Timmy and the Takeovers

with their hit song,

"They Like Me Better Than You".

You got that right.

(country rock playing on radio)

Paul: Stephen Harper! (voice echoing)

Come out!

Well, I tried.

What the fuck? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Stephen Harper!

No! (sobbing)

No! Stephen Harper!

I should have been nicer to you!

Oh, my God! You were the best cuck-- no!

You were the greatest cuck anyone could ask for!

Stephen Harper: Paul!

Did you mean that?

How dare you make me think that you were dead!

I'm sorry. I was just trying to find your sandwich.

Paul: Forget the sandwich.

We gotta get you home.

Okay, then. Just let me grab my things.

(gasping) What?

We're not gonna fit in there.

Stephen Harper: Come on in. Come on.

One stick a gun, please?

♪

♪ Is it me? Or is she Cree? ♪

♪ I say "mn'ehh", she says "eeee" ♪

♪ But my heart is in mutiny ♪

♪ A barge captain so greasy ♪

♪ That's why I sing, so mokabee ♪

♪ Stuffing my face with Loosies ♪

♪ Is she too deadly for me? ♪

♪ For me... bro? ♪

Still no gum?

Uh, no, man.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) So if you're on the road,

pick him up.

Anyway, it's time for a good old-fashioned contest.

Contest?

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) The first five people

to name a city that starts with any letter from the alphabet

will get $100 from my own pocket.

I don't have that kind of money.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) You know what?

Make that $200.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(all shouting indistinctly)

(gasping)

Damn you, ThinkStink!

(crowd continue shouting indistinctly)

Paul: This is way bigger inside.

And you have cable?

I did find a sandwich, by the way,

but it wasn't the right bread.

You found an actual sandwich?

But we should probably leave it.

Yeah, you're right,

in case the original owner comes back for it.

But, I mean, how long would we wait

before we let them do that?

Forget about the sandwich.

Moose meat? Blueberries?

Man, I can't believe

that you did all of this in just one night.

It's not the first time I've lived alone in the bush, Paul.

Wow, we're really far out here.

Hey, is that a squirrel over there?

I bet it would make a great pet.

Want to come up with names with me?

I'll start. Christopher.

No, wait. Christine.

There's no rules that squirrels can't be girls.

Squirrels. Girls. Curls--

Hey, you know what?

I think I left my sandwich back in the muskeg.

Oh. Oh, hey, uh, why don't you go find it for us?

Sure thing. See ya, Mom and Dad.

I searched for days and days for that sandwich,

but I never found it.

But I did find you guys. Remember?

(sniffing)

Cousin Leon sold us oregano, bro.

Fucking Cousin Leon, man!

Yeah, man. He's going to get it!

- God... - Stephen Harper: Hey, guys.

Can we be friends?

Who is you, you pasty kid?

Name's Stephen Harper.

Cool name, bro.

Hopefully nobody comes along and ruins it.

Hey, look, a squirrel.

I've been trying to catch one for months now.

Man, are they fast. They bite pretty hard, too.

You know what else is fast? Sharks, bears, weasels.

Did I say bears?

There was no sandwich.

What?

I made it up.

PJ called you dad,

so I drove you out here and I left you.

- For good? - Yep.

Even worse, I told everybody back home

that you were eaten by wolves.

Anyway, come on. Let's head 'er back.

(Stephen Harper crying)

Stephen Harper! Come back!

- Stephen Harper: No. - Come back!

(sighing)

Dean: Gale!

- Oh! - You fuckin' creeper!

Fok!

Dean.

Hey. I just wanted to talk. Oh...

- What do you want? - (breathing heavily)

I...

When I saw you with Leon, I felt...

- Never mind. - What?

I like you.

Well, I have to confess,

I was a little hurt when you told Leon we were just bros.

And I was hurt when you dated him.

I just did that to make you feel jealous.

So, you don't like him?

No, Dean. I like you.

Oh, Gale...

- Dean. - Gale...

Mn'ehh.

♪

♪ She steered my heart ♪

♪ Like a midnight barge ♪

♪ Ran it aground ♪

♪ With Dean in charge ♪

♪ And now, I'm nothing ♪

♪ But a fool at large ♪

♪ A fucking fool ♪

♪ At large ♪

Come back! Rose needs you!

My mom needs you!

I need you!

I said it! Are you happy?!

(wolves growling)

(growling)

- (wolves growling) - It's okay.

You don't have to eat me. Good boys.

You don't wanna eat me. I taste terrible.

- Oh, no. - (wolves growling)

How ironic - killed by my favourite activity...

eating.

Shadow Tooth! Moon Moon! Maajaan!

(howling)

We go way back.

You... saved my life.

You would've been all right.

They just didn't like how you were treating me.

Man, I'm sorry, Stephen Harper.

It's okay. You did what my parents never did...

you came back.

(groaning)

We should probably get going.

Agnes and Rose must be worried.

Come on. Let's go.

Stephen Harper: Oh, berries. I love berries.

Do you love berries? Of course you love berries.

You know that I know that that's a trick question.

Paul: Man, shut the fuck up, Stephen Harper!

I hate you so much!

Stephen Harper: You got it, Paul.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) What are you doing, Roger?

You're out of control, ThinkStink.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Don't do this to me.

I mean... us.

There can only be one Roger,

and if that means no pee breaks, so be it.

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Wait!

We're meant to be together, George and Tammy.

Nice try. You're just saying that.

(chuckling)

ThinkStink (Roger's voice:) Nice try right back.

I run on battery.

Oh, yeah?

Piss off!

(ThinkStink's voice glitching:) Handsome.

Point-- point-- pointing lips.

Three hundred dollars... (voice distorting)

Who's the good Roger now?

Hey, Cousin Leon,

you know how you're dating Gale?

Yeah, man.

Well... now, I'm dating her.

Yeah, man.

You ain't mad?

No way.

For real?

We had one date. We're both adults.

True.

Plus, your first name is Dean.

I'm just a middle name Dean. It wasn't meant to be.

Oh, man! That's a huge relief. I thought you'd be pissed.

You believed in me when nobody else would.

Bro cousins?

Bro cousins.

and bonding for weeks. , we've been hanging out

PJ, tell me who this is.

Ni maamaa.

All: Aww!

Paul: Good boy!

Okay, PJ, tell me who I am.

(heart beating)

Ni paapaa.

- (Rose gasping) - Stephen Harper: Attaboy.

I wonder what he calls me now.

Fuck off, Stephen Harper.

(all laughing)

(polka music playing)

♪