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Stephen: He's�learning�so�fast!
That's�my�baby�boy's�baby�boy.
Get�him�to�try�another�one.
Can�you�say�"Ni�maamaa"?
Ni�maamaa.
-�Paul:�Aww. -�Who�am�I?
Kookoo.
Hey,�little�guy.
What�do�you�call�me?
Ni�paapaa.
What?! That's�not�your�papa!
I'm�your�dad!
I'm�sorry,�Paul.
Fuck�you,�Stephen�Harper.
You've�been�filling his�little�brain�with�your�lies.
You�ruined�my�family. I�hope�you're�happy.
-�I�said�I'm�sorry! -�I'm�the�papa,
not�this�pasty light-skinned�Native.
Come�on,�PJ. Tell�me,�who�am�I?
(heart�beating)
Weenuk.
(gasping)
(stammering)
?�Yes,�I�can�love�you,�baby�?
?�All�night�long�?
...at�the�cutting�edge of�science�and�technology,
in�a�place�beyond�possibility.
That's�because I'm�taking�rez�radio
into�the�world�of�AI.
That's�artificial�intelligence for�all�you�earthlings.
(making�static�sound�effect)
One�small�step for�Grouse�Lake,
one�giant�leap for�rez�radio.
Stupid�Stephen�Harper.
Sitting�around�all�day doing�sweet�fuck�all,
and�he�gets�credit for�being�PJ's�father?
Must�be�nice.
Hey,�Paul,�how�do�you�like your�shirts�folded�again?
Like�rectangles�with the�sleeves�tucked�in.
Holy�shit,�man,
how�many�times do�I�gotta�say�that?
See�what�I'm�saying about�this�fucking�guy?
Maybe�take�it�easy on�Stephen�Harper.
Rose:�Yeah,�and�maybe�if�you stepped�up�a�little�more
and�did�more�stuff�with�PJ,
he�wouldn't�be�so�confused about�who�his�dad�is.
PJ�probably�just�thinks Stephen�Harper�is�his�dad
because�he's�the�donor.
Yeah,�you�guys�are�right.
Agnes: It's�just�a�phase.
Paul:�Yeah!
That's�what�I�was�thinking.
Sorry�for�being so�stupid�earlier.
Hey,�boss,�got�another shipment�of�misprints.
Check�it�out.
-�Winnipeg�Jens. -�I�knew�a�Winnipeg�Jen�once.
Moved�to�Phoenix�in�the�'90s.
Real�heartbreaker.
Man,�we�have�so�much�in�common, nothing's�gonna�come�between�us.
Yeah,�man!
Oh,�hey,�guys. (sniffling)
Cold�on�the�water�today,�lads.
(sniffling)
Got�some�barnacles on�the�old�hull.
?�I�can't�believe�?
?�My�fuckin'�eyes�?
?�I�wanna�shack�up�with�you�?
?�I�fuckin'�love�you�?
There�you�go,�Roger,�all�set.
It�looks�like a�regular�old�laptop.
This�regular�old�laptop
is�loaded�with�the�latest ThinkStink�technology.
It's�so�easy,�even�a�Mooshum or�Kookum�can�use�it.
What�about a�handsome�young�uncle?
Ehh.�Easy�for�them,�too.
Oh,�you�don't�say.
Watch�this.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:)�This is�Laughingstick�in�the�morning,
the�most�handsome, entertaining,
intelligent radio�host�in�the�world.
Go�on.
All�you�do�is�press a�few�buttons,�sit�back...
and�relax.
Now,�I�can�take real�bathroom�breaks,
instead�of�using my�trusty�old�pee�jug.
Eww.
Stephen�Harper: Is�this�the�place?
Yep.
I'm�touched you�brought�me�here.
The�thing�is, the�last�time�I�was�out�here,
I�lost�my�best�sandwich.
It�just�disappeared.
What?�Really?
I�had�it,�and�then�I�put�it�down just�for�one�second,
and�for�the�life�of�me, I�don't�know�where�I�put�it.
-�Out�there. -�Yeah,�out�there.
Beyond�those�trees.
Way�beyond�those�trees.
Give�me�a�scent.
(sniffing)
I've�got�it!
And�don't�come�back until�you�find�it!
-�(chuckling) -�(starting�truck)
Hey,�man,�it's�not�nice to�stare�at�a�woman
when�she's�picking�her�nose.
Yeah.�Yeah.
Gonna�be�in�port for�a�few�days.
Got�some�work to�do�on�the�barge.
Oh,�yeah?
She's�been�groaning like�a�whale�in�heat.
You�got�coffee�or�you�gonna have�a�mutiny�on�your�hands?
Fresh�pot�in�the�back, Captain�Bro.
You�and�Gale still�bumpin'�uglies?
Nah,�man. We're�just�bros,�bro.
Hey,�I�know�what you're�thinking.
She�goes�port�to�port.
Uh-huh.�Yeah.
And�she's�Cree.
I�think two�of�my�kids�are�Cree.
And�she�only�dates people�named�Dean.
Do�middle�names�count?
Don't�say I�didn't�warn�you,�man.
But,�Dean,�look�at�her.
She's�like�some�kind�of swashbuckling�pirate.
I�bet�she�buckles all�kinds�of�swashes.
Okay,�ThinkStink, it's�just�you�and�me�now.
Let's�see�what�you�got.
Play�me�the�greatest Native�love�song�of�all�time.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Here�you�go,�Roger.
Here's�Chester�Knight with�"Love�Me�Strong".
Yes!
This�station�will�be the�crown�jewel�of�the�North
and�we'll�be�the�greatest�duo since�George�and�Tammy.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Johnny�and�June?
Guns�and�Roses.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Actually,�Roger,
Guns�and�Roses�are�a�band, not�a�power�couple.
Okay,�ThinkStink.
Since�you�know�everything,
play�me�the�second�best Native�love�song.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Coming�up...
(playing�polka�music)
Nah.�We'll�work�on�that.
This�just�isn't like�Stephen�Harper
to�take�off without�telling�us.
Paul?
Ahh,�nope!
I'm�worried.
That's�probably all�the�cleaning�talking.
I�am, by�staying�out�of�the�way.
Just�sitting�there on�your�arse.
People�help in�different�ways,�you�know.
I'll�different�ways�you.
Yeah,�get�off�your�jeet and�go�find�Stephen�Harper.
We�need�his�help.
I'm�in�the�middle of�doing�something.
"In�the�middle of�doing�something."
Now,�you're�at�the�end of�doing�something.
All�right,�fine!
But�you�two�gotta�learn�how to�live�without�Stephen�Harper
doing�everything�for�you�guys.
Yeah,�I�said�that!
Doubloon�for�the�coffee.
Best�begin�back�to�the�ship to�help�me�hands�on�deck.
Later,�scallywags.
Avast�there,�matey. Hold�yer�course.
I�have�words�for�your�ears.
Yo-ho-ho.
I�spent�time�on�a�barge,
prison�barge.
Oh,�yeah? Prove�it.
She's�a�beauty.
Oops.
"Cousin�Dean�Leon"?
You're�a�Dean?
Only�by�middle�name.
Still�counts.
Come�by�later.
We�can... swap�sea�stories.
Won't�that�be weird�with...
Dean?
Cousin�Leon: I�asked�him.
What�did�he�say?
"Yeah,�man."
Sure�sounds�like�him.
Arr,�it's�a�date.
Later,�landlubber.
(door�opening,�closing)
I�don't�wanna...
jump�to�conclusions,�but...
I�think�wolves got�to�Stephen�Harper.
-�What? -�How�do�you�know?
Well,�you�can�tell�from�the almost�scissor-like�rips
and�from�the ketchup-like�bloodstains
that�they�definitely ate�him�alive.
Not�Stephen�Harper!
So�sad.�So�sad.�Well...
I'm�gonna�go... I'm�gonna�take�a�nap.
(sobbing)
-�(knocking) -�Huh?
What?�Ma!
Is�that�you?
Stephen:�I�tried�to�find your�sandwich,�Paul,
and�I�searched�everywhere!
I'm�so�sorry,�Stephen�Harper. I�never�meant�to�get�rid�of�you.
-�Stephen�Harper,�I'm�sorry! -�Rose:�Paul!
I�shouldn't�have�tried to�get�rid�of�you!
Rose:�Paul!
What�did�you�do?
PJ�called�Stephen�Harper�dad, so�I�drove�him�out�to�the�bush
to�look�for�a�sandwich,
only�there�was�no�sandwich!
I�just�tried to�get�rid�of�him!
And�then,�I�tore�his�shirt
and�told�you�guys he�might�have�been�died.
And�now, he�might�actually�be�dead!
(sobbing)
Paultholomew! That�is�a�big�Anishinaabe�sin!
Go�get�him!
Okay,
but�I'm�just�gonna finish�sleeping�first,�okay?
Both:�Now!
Fine!
(both�laughing)
(mock�laughing)
Yeah,�good�one. What's�so�funny?
Hey,�uh, a�little�privacy,�bro.
Actually, we're�closing,�so�drink�up.
It's�noon.
Oops.
Blimey!
It�got�everywhere. Leon,�go�get�a�mop.
It's�my�day�off.
We're�fine. You�can�swab�it�later.
Oh,�hey.
Why�don't�I�just go�fuck�myself�then?
?�Just�tell�me�?
?�You�love�me�?
Hope�you�like�the�second�best Native�love�song�ever!
(polka�music�playing)
Jeez.
What�the�fuck,�bro?
(polka�music�playing)
(polka�music�blaring)
?
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:)
And�if�you're�wondering,�yes,
my�voice�is�just�as handsome�in�real�life.
Come�to�think�of�it...
Can�I�help�you?
Can't�even�tell�the�difference.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) ...I'm�always�literally�there.
Weird�clone. Where�do�you�hide�the�wires?
I'm�not�a�clone,�you�idiot.
It's�me,�Roger.
That's�something a�clone�would�say.
Would�a�clone�do�this?
(vocalizing�in�high�pitch)
According to�my�research,�yes.
You're�just�here earlier�than�expected.
Ah,�put�the�damn graph�away,�Lips.
I�can�be�in�two�places�at the�same�time,
thanks�to�ThinkStink.
Okay,�good.�I�thought my�predictions�were�off.
(staff�laughing)
-�Roger:�What's�so�funny? -�Shh...
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) So,�I'm�trying�to�fight�off
a�sneeze,�but�the�guy�thinks I'm�pointing�to�the�road
with�my�lips.
(all�laughing)
I�taught�that�Roger everything�he�knows.
Yeah,�but�this�Roger's�better.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Here's�Timmy�and�the�Takeovers
with�their�hit�song,
"They�Like�Me Better�Than�You".
You�got�that�right.
(country�rock�playing on�radio)
Paul:�Stephen�Harper! (voice�echoing)
Come�out!
Well,�I�tried.
What�the�fuck? No,�no,�no,�no,�no,�no.
Stephen�Harper!
No! (sobbing)
No!�Stephen�Harper!
I�should�have been�nicer�to�you!
Oh,�my�God! You�were�the�best�cuck-�no!
You�were�the�greatest cuck�anyone�could�ask�for!
Stephen�Harper: Paul!
Did�you�mean�that?
How�dare�you�make�me think�that�you�were�dead!
I'm�sorry.�I�was�just trying�to�find�your�sandwich.
Paul: Forget�the�sandwich.
We�gotta�get�you�home.
Okay,�then. Just�let�me�grab�my�things.
(gasping) What?
We're�not gonna�fit�in�there.
Stephen�Harper: Come�on�in.�Come�on.
One�stick�a�gun,�please?
?
?�Is�it�me?�Or�is�she�Cree?�?
?�I�say�"mn'ehh", she�says�"eeee"�?
?�But�my�heart is�in�mutiny�?
?�A�barge�captain so�greasy�?
?�That's�why�I�sing, so�mokabee�?
?�Stuffing�my�face with�Loosies�?
?�Is�she�too�deadly�for�me?�?
?�For�me...�bro?�?
Still�no�gum?
Uh,�no,�man.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) So�if�you're�on�the�road,
pick�him�up.
Anyway,�it's�time�for a�good�old-fashioned�contest.
Contest?
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) The�first�five�people
to�name�a�city�that�starts�with any�letter�from�the�alphabet
will�get�$100 from�my�own�pocket.
I�don't�have that�kind�of�money.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) You�know�what?
Make�that�$200.
No!�No,�no,�no,�no, no,�no,�no.
(all�shouting�indistinctly)
(gasping)
Damn�you,�ThinkStink!
(crowd�continue shouting�indistinctly)
Paul: This�is�way�bigger�inside.
And�you�have�cable?
I�did�find�a�sandwich, by�the�way,
but�it�wasn't the�right�bread.
You�found an�actual�sandwich?
But�we�should probably�leave�it.
Yeah,�you're�right,
in�case�the�original owner�comes�back�for�it.
But,�I�mean, how�long�would�we�wait
before�we�let�them�do�that?
Forget�about�the�sandwich.
Moose�meat? Blueberries?
Man,�I�can't�believe
that�you�did all�of�this�in�just�one�night.
It's�not�the�first�time�I've lived�alone�in�the�bush,�Paul.
Wow, we're�really�far�out�here.
Hey,�is�that a�squirrel�over�there?
I�bet�it�would make�a�great�pet.
Want�to�come�up with�names�with�me?
I'll�start. Christopher.
No,�wait.�Christine.
There's�no�rules�that squirrels�can't�be�girls.
Squirrels.�Girls.�Curls-
Hey,�you�know�what?
I�think�I�left�my�sandwich back�in�the�muskeg.
Oh.�Oh,�hey,�uh,�why�don't you�go�find�it�for�us?
Sure�thing. See�ya,�Mom�and�Dad.
I�searched�for�days and�days�for�that�sandwich,
but�I�never�found�it.
But�I�did�find�you�guys. Remember?
(sniffing)
Cousin�Leon sold�us�oregano,�bro.
Fucking�Cousin�Leon,�man!
Yeah,�man. He's�going�to�get�it!
-�God... -�Stephen�Harper:�Hey,�guys.
Can�we�be�friends?
Who�is�you,�you�pasty�kid?
Name's�Stephen�Harper.
Cool�name,�bro.
Hopefully�nobody comes�along�and�ruins�it.
Hey,�look,�a�squirrel.
I've�been�trying�to catch�one�for�months�now.
Man,�are�they�fast. They�bite�pretty�hard,�too.
You�know�what�else�is�fast? Sharks,�bears,�weasels.
Did�I�say�bears?
There�was�no�sandwich.
What?
I�made�it�up.
PJ�called�you�dad,
so�I�drove�you out�here�and�I�left�you.
-�For�good? -�Yep.
Even�worse, I�told�everybody�back�home
that�you�were�eaten�by�wolves.
Anyway,�come�on. Let's�head�'er�back.
(Stephen�Harper�crying)
Stephen�Harper!�Come�back!
-�Stephen�Harper:�No. -�Come�back!
(sighing)
Dean:�Gale!
-�Oh! -�You�fuckin'�creeper!
Fok!
Dean.
Hey.�I�just�wanted�to�talk. Oh...
-�What�do�you�want? -�(breathing�heavily)
I...
When�I�saw�you with�Leon,�I�felt...
-�Never�mind. -�What?
I�like�you.
Well,�I�have�to�confess,
I�was�a�little�hurt�when�you told�Leon�we�were�just�bros.
And�I�was�hurt when�you�dated�him.
I�just�did�that to�make�you�feel�jealous.
So,�you�don't�like�him?
No,�Dean. I�like�you.
Oh,�Gale...
-�Dean. -�Gale...
Mn'ehh.
?
?�She�steered�my�heart�?
?�Like�a�midnight�barge�?
?�Ran�it�aground�?
?�With�Dean�in�charge�?
?�And�now,�I'm�nothing�?
?�But�a�fool�at�large�?
?�A�fucking�fool�?
?�At�large�?
Come�back!�Rose�needs�you!
My�mom�needs�you!
I�need�you!
I�said�it! Are�you�happy?!
(wolves�growling)
(growling)
-�(wolves�growling) -�It's�okay.
You�don't�have�to�eat�me. Good�boys.
You�don't�wanna�eat�me. I�taste�terrible.
-�Oh,�no. -�(wolves�growling)
How�ironic�-�killed�by�my favourite�activity...
eating.
Shadow�Tooth!�Moon�Moon! Maajaan!
(howling)
We�go�way�back.
You...�saved�my�life.
You�would've�been�all�right.
They�just�didn't�like how�you�were�treating�me.
Man,�I'm�sorry, Stephen�Harper.
It's�okay.�You�did what�my�parents�never�did...
you�came�back.
(groaning)
We�should�probably�get�going.
Agnes�and�Rose must�be�worried.
Come�on.�Let's�go.
Stephen�Harper:�Oh,�berries. I�love�berries.
Do�you�love�berries? Of�course�you�love�berries.
You�know�that�I�know�that that's�a�trick�question.
Paul:�Man,�shut�the�fuck�up, Stephen�Harper!
I�hate�you�so�much!
Stephen�Harper: You�got�it,�Paul.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) What�are�you�doing,�Roger?
You're�out�of�control, ThinkStink.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Don't�do�this�to�me.
I�mean...�us.
There�can�only�be�one�Roger,
and�if�that�means no�pee�breaks,�so�be�it.
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Wait!
We're�meant�to�be�together, George�and�Tammy.
Nice�try. You're�just�saying�that.
(chuckling)
ThinkStink�(Roger's�voice:) Nice�try�right�back.
I�run�on�battery.
Oh,�yeah?
Piss�off!
(ThinkStink's�voice�glitching:) Handsome.
Point-�point-�pointing�lips.
Three�hundred�dollars... (voice�distorting)
Who's�the�good�Roger�now?
Hey,�Cousin�Leon,
you�know�how you're�dating�Gale?
Yeah,�man.
Well...�now,�I'm�dating�her.
Yeah,�man.
You�ain't�mad?
No�way.
For�real?
We�had�one�date. We're�both�adults.
True.
Plus, your�first�name�is�Dean.
I'm�just�a�middle�name�Dean. It�wasn't�meant�to�be.
Oh,�man!�That's�a�huge�relief. I�thought�you'd�be�pissed.
You�believed�in�me when�nobody�else�would.
Bro�cousins?
Bro�cousins.
and�bonding�for�weeks. ,�we've�been�hanging�out
PJ,�tell�me�who�this�is.
Ni�maamaa.
All:�Aww!
Paul:�Good�boy!
Okay,�PJ,�tell�me�who�I�am.
(heart�beating)
Ni�paapaa.
-�(Rose�gasping) -�Stephen�Harper:�Attaboy.
I�wonder�what�he�calls�me�now.
Fuck�off,�Stephen�Harper.
(all�laughing)
(polka�music�playing)
?
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