All language subtitles for 6 Maisie gets her man

Thank you.

Hello, this is Maisie Revere over at the
Lyceum Theatre.

Is it... No, I don't want to talk to
Miss Revere. This is Miss Revere. Is

Professor Alford there?

a dark, foreign -looking party named
Orko. O -R -C -O, Professor Orko. Is he

there?

Well, are you sure?

No, he's not a college professor. He's a
knife thrower.

Yeah, yeah. Skip the gags, mister.

Don't let my voice fool you. I don't
look that good.

Listen, take a look in the booths, will
you?

minutes to get him here. Then the act
goes on or else.

Oh, gee, wouldn't this have to happen
just when things were beginning to perk

up? Yeah?

Oh, he isn't.

And that was my last hope, practically.
Well, thanks for your courtesy.

Oh, gee, where is he? You're asking me.
Wait. I'll call his hotel again. Give me

a nickel, will you?

Not me.

No more.

Flo.

Flo.

She's run off.

She leave me.

For what?

For that pig of a piccolo player.

I kill myself.

No, no, no, Professor. Give me that.
Come on. Women.

I hate all women. Oh, sure.

Sure, I know it's tough when your one
and only ditches you for somebody else.

Don't I know? But don't take it so hard.

yourself together. You got it. We're on.
No.

I'm finished.

Goodbye. Listen, you greasy ham.

You leave me holding the sack for my
main attraction and I'll see that you

get another booking from here to the
coast.

Booking?

So I finished with her.

I finished with women.

All women in the world.

you'll be all right. Just go out and
knock them dead. Yeah.

Dead.

Yeah. Don't overdo it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Professor Orko,
who has performed before the crowned

of Europe and Asia, will now amaze you
with his knives and nerves of steel.

Calling each and every shot, the only
artist to do so,

My anatomy.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting
Professor Orko.

Who's this?

First,

little epaulette.

Right shoulder.

Say, I thought he said right shoulder.

Yeah.

Next. Little epaulette on left shoulder.

Next.

Skirt on right side.

And left, sir.

There she go!

Waiting for a return match with Custer?

Nah, that's the name we current for him.

They're around here steady all the time,
waiting for phone calls.

Hey, can't afford an office.

If they had an office, they'd probably
move a bed and a desk in it.

If they had an office, a desk, a bed.

An up -and -coming exterminator could
make a fortune around here.

First time I've ever seen termites using
a telephone.

Hey, you're a performer, ain't you?

Sidekick. Here.

Take this hearing board upstairs.

Sticky potato never offers up there. And
I say, anything for me today?

Tell them Ears sent you.

No kidding?

Sure. Mention my name, you get first
call.

What's the connection?

Well, I make myself a comfortable dollar
that way. I do a lot of footwork for

the performers, and my cut's 10 % of
10%. Okay. Where can I contact you?

Well, I'm around here all the time. Ears
Coughlin is the name.

Used to be a big -time wrestler.

Used to wrestle barefoot.

Told me toes would give out.

for 26 years. Catches catch can and no
holes barred.

But thanks a million and the next time I
see you I hope I owe you 10%.

Okay, Joe, that's enough.

Harvey, have you got anything for me
today?

Gears sent me.

Sure.

Step right in. I can use you.

Well... Certainly.

Right now, I'm expecting a call from a
big theater owner in St. Joe.

He'll need four acts and a line of
girls.

Well, I've got several right -up -to
-the -minute routines.

Have you ever heard of Frolly's Frolics?
Broadway production?

Well, not exactly. Then I wouldn't know.

Now I'm also expecting a big nightclub
operator from Chatsboy to pop up here at

any minute. Among others.

I urge you to sit down and wait.

It'll be a pleasure.

Thanks.

Hiya there, beautiful.

Oh, say, Cecil.

When you was cleaning up, did you see
that letter from MGM about casting their

super musical?

You got it right there in your hand.

Huh?

Yeah, that's right.

You know, I discovered the little girl
they're going to star in that

Oh? Mm -hmm. She dropped in here one
day, just like you.

And I spotted talent all over her.

So I rushed her out to the coast, and
since then, Hollywood keeps bothering me

all the time.

Say, how long you been waiting around
here?

Today? Yeah.

Only about three hours.

So far.

Stick him up, everybody, or I'll blast
you right out of your seats.

Come on, get him up!

That's me, folks.

Hap Hicksby, the laugh bandit. I'm
holding you up for five, Mr. Pod.

Ah, you see what I mean?

That's the old happy shakedown. I'm a
one -man war, an old man gloom.

Now, just sit back, soaps. I mean,
folks.

Get ready to laugh your sides off. Look
here, this is a very busy office. Oh,

not half as busy as it's going to be
when you start booking my act. No, no,

till you see it before you say yes. Now,
the boys in the orchestra bit, give me

the old razzmatazz.

Big fanfare, see? Now, the curtain
shoots up and I'm standing there.

Quick to get their attention and
unloosen their stays, I wick, I mean, I

out a deck of cards, see?

Then I ask a pretty girl in the audience
to come up and select one.

Oh, there's a pretty girl, a very pretty
girl. I pick them, don't I? Oh, you're

a nighter, Jack.

Come on, take a card.

Take any of them. I'd like to oblige,
but I'm taking a powder at the moment.

Hey, that's good. Can I use that in my
act, huh?

Here, come on, be a trooper, take a
card.

go would be the cue for Chopin's funeral
march.

Hey, don't leave. You're missing the
best part.

Am I?

Well, that's the first break I've had
today.

One side, glamour boy.

Oh, Miss.

Remember me? No.

Were you dancing in a review at Seal
Beach about three years ago?

Wasn't it a hula number you did with a
dark -complected guy to play the

Yeah. I thought so.

Remember you picked off a beer bottle
out of a lady's hand just before she let

loose and crowned a guy at a table with
it? Oh, yeah.

Meet that same fella.

Her name's Goodring. Well, what do you
know?

I know for three years I've been wanting
to shake the hand that grabbed that

bottle. Down?

Going down?

Yeah.

I'm so glad you happened by at the right
moment.

Well, did you get rid of your lady
friend okay?

No. Mrs. Goodring and I are still
together.

In Cicero.

Oh.

Cicero. Yeah, she likes her schools for
the kids.

For five of them.

Well, it's been nice bumping into you,
Mr. Goodring, but I've got to be running

along. Matinee?

Uh -uh.

I'm not working right now.

A performer of your talent didn't ought
to be laying off.

You sure you're not confusing my buck
and wing with my grip on a beer bottle?

No, no. I recall the act distinctly.

Oh.

Well, maybe I'll get a break one of
these days. Right now, I sprinkle wolf

powder around the front door.

Wolf powder, huh?

Well, so long. Say, I got a business
proposition. Might interest you.

Proposition? Yeah.

Step into my office and we'll discuss
it. What? You know, it is a complicated

thing to own and manage this building,
which is what I do.

Yeah.

Recently, I've been looking around for
an assistant.

Oh, a man, I expect.

Man or lady, irregardless of sex. Step
in.

Sit down.

Thanks.

You know, only today I advertised.

All morning, I've been interviewing
parties, and not one met the

Now, I was thinking, if you'd care to
take on this job... Oh, gee, offhand,

sounds okay.

But what would the job pay about?

I'm not above taking her cut, goodness
knows, but I can't leave go of my

standards completely.

The pay is not high.

Twenty a week.

Twenty a week.

Well, it's not high, but then again,
it's not frugal.

Mr. Goodring, you got a new assistant.

Good. When do I start working? You're
working right now.

Well... You can leave your things here.

Okay.

Well, now that everything's fixed up so
nice, I'll admit I was pretty close to

the end of my rope.

Yeah.

I'll show you the way the building is
laid out. Okay.

I lock up since the day I returned to
find the desk missing.

Here's the last one.

Art, in many ways, turns the most
legitimate dollar in the building.

All acts have got to have costumes.

Even if it's only a bubble.

Art, meet my new assistant, Miss...
Revere.

Maisie Revere.

Miss Revere.

To him, everybody's a character. And all
characters make him laugh.

That deal is still cooking, fella.

But the end of the week, sure on debt
rent.

That heel has no deal, Cookham. Nor will
he pay up no rent.

Turn him upside down any time, and there
will fall out only dust.

Well, I've got a sharp ear for malarkey.

Here you'll need it.

As the tenants get fewer and the heels
think up new alibis, I grow to look more

and more, as has been said about me,
like an oyster on a half shell.

How about that two -and -a -half -pack
rent, Pappy? Accept my check until

Saturday. Perhaps the little lady would
be interested in some hawk tickets.

Very cheap. She's a friend. She's a
friend.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Denver, Colorado.

Mr. Bedring, how come you took that
check?

It's six to an even. Nobody like him has
a bank account anywhere, let alone

Denver, Colorado.

It's politeness.

And now he knows I could send him to
jail.

Would you?

I'm unapt to.

Which explains some of my troubles.

Pardon me. Could you tell me where I
could find Mr. Goodring?

You mean the young man with the old
face? Right over there.

Oh, well, thank you very much. All
right. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.

Pardon me. Mr.

Goodring? Yeah.

Oh, well, that gentleman said that you
were the person to see about renting an

office. That's right. What did you have
in mind? A cubicle?

Well, I'd like something a little larger
than that. Have you a suite vacant?

Why, yes. Mr.

Goodring, is that a coincidence or is
that a coincidence?

One of our most desirable suites was
only just vacated. The party had to go

south for government matter. Now, if
you'll just step this way, Mr...

Denningham. Marshal Denningham. Oh,
well, I'm Mr. Goodring's assistant, Miss

Revere. How do you do, Miss... How do
you do? Now, if you'll just come this

Why, yes.

Come right in, Mr. Denningham.

I want to pitch you this with your own
drapes and desk and all.

One thing, in summer you'll never be
uncomfortably hot in here on account you

don't get the glare from the street.

Pardon me, Mr. Denningham, but how did
you happen to come here looking for a

place? Well, frankly, I need a suite,
and I thought from the appearance of the

building that this rent might be within
my budget.

Incidentally, what does this rent for?

Forty dollars.

Forty dollars?

Yes, forty dollars.

Well, I think that's very fair indeed.

I can't afford a high rent because I
want to put everything I can into the

proper marketing of my product.

Will a half month's rent down be
satisfactory?

Well, that's perfectly okay. Good.

All right. Well, then I'll move my
furniture in this afternoon.

You know, I think I'm going to be very
cozy here.

Well, we hope so.

Goodbye, Mr.

Denningham, if I'm not too nosy. Oh, not
at all, my dear. I bottle and sell a

mineral water with very fine health
-giving qualities, exceptionally fine. I

call it Denningham Sapphire Water.

Oh. Oh, by the way, where can I get some
printing done and a sign for the door?

Right here, right in the belly. Oh,
well, that's wonderful.

Well, goodbye, Miss Revere. I'll see you
again. Goodbye, Mr. Denningham.

Goodbye.

Oh, goodbye, Mr. Goodring. I'll see you
again, too, of course.

Goodbye.

A strictly legitimate character in a
swarmy suite.

A $20 bill on the line.

New England yet.

Miss Revere, I would be pleased if you
would eat lunch at Jasper's as my guest.

Oh, I really didn't have a thing to do
with it.

You have an appeal for a legitimate
party like Mr. Dunningham.

What do you recommend today?

Blue plate special, stew.

Again?

Sounds well.

I'd like a two.

All right, I'm buying.

Oh.

Is it my looks or a stiff neck?

It is the result of watching the
customers.

Jasper takes it for granted that
performance is always broke.

Jeff Yoden wanted a telephone.

Telephone for Yoden.

Hey, what about this check?

Get up later, Jasper. Sure.

Hear that?

Later.

That means never.

If that here wasn't called to the phone,
he'd have to sit there and eat salami

sandwiches for the duration.

Well, then why didn't that fellow run
after him?

Because the rest of the mob would
disappear like a cannon was shot off.

Poor Jasper. He makes a very hard dollar
out of this place.

Hello, beautiful.

Friend of yours?

Uh -uh. I take my corn with lima beans.

What's yours?

Anything as long as it's a cheese
sandwich and a glass of moo juice.

Happy Good Ring. You want it on the
phone?

Pardon me.

I'll be right back.

Never mind wrapping it up. I'll eat it
here.

Hey, this is cheese.

That's what you ordered.

Correct. The gentleman is absolutely
correct. Would you like to try for the

question?

Here, take a card. Pick any card. Go
ahead. No, tell me what it is.

Oh,

where are you going? Right here,
brother. At the end of the line. Ding,

Ding, ding. You don't get off without
paying.

Who, me?

He thinks I'm like the cross -eyed man
who got arrested for burglary. He just

looked crooked.

You get it?

Say, is this seat taken? No, sit down.
Thanks, I don't mind if I do.

Some sugar, sugar?

That's guaranteed to sweeten the
disposition.

Listen, funny man, you've been looking
for somebody to swatch you ever since

flew in.

So before there's a nasty accident, pull
your comical gags elsewhere.

Oh, gee, I didn't mean to make you mad.
No kidding. I'm sorry.

Gee, I thought I'd hand you a laugh.
Always went over big back home. Well,

why don't you go back where you're
appreciated?

Give me another cup. Black.

Yeah, put it on my check. I always pay
for my mistakes. Well, that should keep

you broke most of the time.

See,

I like the way you snap back into those
quick ones.

But I'm not kidding about the way I go
over back home.

Where's that?

Up in Dartsville.

Dartsville? Yeah.

Well, that explains a lot.

You're an actress, aren't you?

Sure you are. You got that N -D -G -W -W
written all over your face. You know

what that means?

New Deal for the Great White Way.

I just made that up. Good, huh?

Good. Uh -uh.

Boy, you'd kill me.

Hey, look, honey child, why don't we
team up?

You'd fit swell in my act.

Well, with your brains and my beauty,
we'd kill him.

No kidding. You just say the word.

Just say the word. Just say the word.

No, I've always been a clean -spoken
girl.

Oh, come on. Look,

I started my professional career at the
age of ten.

I was then billed as baby Marie O
'Connor. I opened playing jada on an

accordion, and my finale was a takeoff
of Al Jolson only on roller skates. Gee,

I thought you were cute. My career
closed last night in a storm of flying

cutlery. What happened in between is
best forgotten, but it was plenty.

This morning I got a job, a regular job,
as assistant to Mr. Goodring running

this ant palace. So let me assure you, I
couldn't be happier.

Oh, but you can't give up show business.
You got vaudeville in your blood.

Oh, so that's where it went.

Well, you take vaudeville and 20 points,
and I'll take a square meal in the

stomach. The answer is no, Buster.

I was keeping it warm for you. Grab it
while it's hot.

Sorry, Miss Rivera.

Mrs. Goodwin was on the phone.

Mr. Goodwin!

Yes, Mr. Stickwell? I have just come
from the third floor.

The tenant in 302 is cooking again.

I will speak to him, Mr. Stickwell. But
it's next to impossible to separate that

character from liver and onions. But I
will speak to him. While I act as

receiver in bankruptcy for this
building, there will be no cooking and

sleeping in the cubicles.

The tenement laws will be obeyed...

Well, look, I'm all through, Mr.
Goodring. How about me going up and

the liver fryer? Did you say 302? Mr.
Goodring will attend to this matter.

Oh, well, I guess you don't know. I'm
Mr. Goodring's new assistant.

Mr. Goodring engage you?

Yes, just this morning. I, uh... That's
right, Mr. Stickwell.

But there are some angles I'll have to
explain. Do you need a constant reminder

that a bankrupt makes no financial
commitments of any sort?

Please be good enough to come with me to
your office.

How about it, honey? I've got 15 minutes
packed with laughs. Sure fire.

All the time I was running the drugstore
back home, I was preparing myself.

Get a gag, polisher, give her the old
twist -a -roo, and try it on a customer,

try it on Ed Willans, my partner.

Even Ed says I should sell the store and
go into show business.

Look, I'll make it well worth your
while. I've got capital.

There's the $5 ,000 I got for selling
this store. With an act like mine, I

figure two or three months on the
outside, then bang, radio, pictures,

nightclub. You know, a girl with your
personality don't belong working in an

office building.

I know I'm always making with the gags,
but I've got my serious side, too.

The minute I saw you, I said to myself,
she belongs in the act.

Walk in.

Mr. Goodring, when you hired me this
morning, I certainly never thought I'd

before the day was out, but the fact of
the matter is something came up,

something in my own line that I can't
afford to turn down, and so I'm afraid

I'll have to offer my resignation.

Well... Oh, I knew you wouldn't stand in
my way.

Especially since no money changed hands.

So, I guess it's so long, and thanks.

Thanks for everything.

Good luck, Miss Revere.

And to you, too, Mr. Goodring.

Always.

Listen, won't you change your mind?

When two personalities like us click,
well, they ought to team up, that's all.

Now, the way I've got the act laid out
now, it's strictly me all the way, but I

could re -routine it so as to work in a
specialty for you. Like a song, maybe,

while I'm changing for the rope
spinning.

Oh, won't you please reconsider?

I'll even rent a place to rehearse in,
and we'll start right now.

Who knows?

Maybe it's fate.

You, let me carry your bag, huh?

You like chicken?

Grab a wing.

So I got the $10 .50 for the rent right
here in this here pocket.

Five skins of fin and four bits. May I
drop dead if I'm not telling you the

truth, Pappy.

So I'm riding downtown in this trolley
car, see?

And this guy's next to me. Oh, I beg
your pardon, Mr. Goodring. I'll see you

later. Come right in, Mr. Denningham.

Nothing is going on here.

Monday, sure, Pappy, Monday.

Sure, sure, Monday.

Well, my two weeks are up and here it is
rent day. That's right, Mr. Denningham.

Only you are the first tenant that has
given the day any real meaning.

Forty dollars, is that right? That's
right.

Walk in.

Hello, Pappy.

Oh, hello, Mr. Denninger. Hello, folks.

Draw a lucky number. Take two. Take
three. Take the young folks. Take the

The mayor of the Moria. Oh, boy.

Come again?

Translated, that means we're trying out
the act tonight at Glenfield.

He's practically bought up the whole
house. Nice going.

Well, isn't that fine?

Can you both come?

Regretfully, no.

The little woman's on the warpath again.

Uh -oh.

Well, keep your fingers crossed, pal.

For us, I mean.

How about you, sir?

Oh, what a shame. I have an important
meeting tonight. But may I wish you both

the best of luck?

Well, just medium grade luck and I'll be
happy.

Well, I've already ordered grade A. And
that ain't for applesauce. That's A for

applause.

Well, you're looking more blooming than
ever, my dear.

Well, thanks.

Just so long as my figure don't bloom in
the wrong places.

Eating regular is getting to be a habit,
thanks to my chum there.

Hey, that's progress, Pappy.

Start off chump and now it's chum.

Well, where do we go from here, fella?

We go right upstairs to rehearse.

If you can take your hand off your back
long enough to write that check, fella.

Well, the hand is quicker than the eye,
dear.

Beautiful things we should hang on to
the rehearsal room for another week,

after tonight, in case we have to brush
up on the act here and there.

Okay, now, what's my name and what year
is it?

Oyster.

The resemblance is very strong today.

Ah, personally, that face looks good to
me.

You been advertising lately in the wand
ads with invisible ink?

Just act as it shapes up.

Do you still feel it's something you
can't afford to turn down?

Well, maybe it wasn't such a bad move.

All things considered.

Catch this, Pappy. It won't bounce.

I'd lay anybody yards on that hat.

Now, come on, partner. Let's go to work.
Okay.

Catch our exit.

You see what I'm up against, Pappy?

Right out of the top drawer, that gal.
Yes, indeed.

And you know, I find myself drawn to the
young man, too.

He's an okay kid, if slightly cracked.

Plenty more on the vault.

But he stays struck.

That's one for Ripley. It certainly is.

Oh, good heavens, 10 o 'clock. I've got
to hurry along.

Good day, Mr. Goodring. Same to you, Mr.
Denninger.

Okay, sure, diploma. Let's go right
through the way we're going to do it

tonight. Okay. Boy, they sure got a kick
out of that exit we made.

Listen, Joe Miller, I'm a professional
trying to whip a strictly amateur rat

into something like shape.

I've liked you in spite of your corny
tricks, but when you pull something like

this at a time like this... Well, don't
throw it. No, I suppose it'll explode.

No, go ahead and open it up.

Oh, Hapsy, what am I going to do with
you?

I thought it'd be kind of a good luck
charm if you wore it tonight.

Do you like it?

Like it?

It's exquisite.

Oh, Hapsy.

Pardon the intrusion, if any.

I've been asking for a letter every day.
Now that you've got one, you're too

busy to stop by and pick it up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'll bet you are.

Well,

go ahead and read it. They don't mail
summonses, honey.

Okay.

Not bad news, is it?

No, it's just a letter.

It's from Elsie, back in Dartsville.

Ah. The girl I'm engaged to.

Oh.

Am I intruding? Oh, no, talk.

I'm right here, Mr. Denning.

Miss Revere, my meeting for this evening
has been canceled.

Am I too late to take that generous
offer of a ticket to the show? Oh, no,

indeedy. I swear I didn't come... Mr.
Denningham. Thank you. Thank you. You

one's enough.

He wouldn't like to escort a girlfriend,
maybe.

Oh, mercy. What would an old batch like
me be doing with a girlfriend?

I'm sure glad you're coming, Mr.
Denningham.

Oh, I'm looking forward to it. Well, if
you like us, give out with some of that

real New Hampshire applause now. I
certainly shall.

And thank you again, young man.

All right.

Oh, and great success to the both of
you. Great success.

Well, I'm glad he's coming.

Are you all set? All set.

Okay, let's take it from the beginning.

Okay.

Okay, I'm here in the front row.

Make your entrance.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Mind if I horn in, raise a little cane?

Well, if I stand here looking into your
faces, I see that there's a lot of faces

that need looking into.

Everybody looks happy, but this young
lady down the front row, you don't look

very happy, miss.

That's none of your business.

None of my business? How do you like
that? That's just what my business is,

making people smile.

Now, if you'll step up here beside me.

No. No? No. Don't you ever say yes?

No. Not for a lollipop? No.

Not for a fur coat?

No.

Not for a brand new tire?

Coming right up.

Okay, I'm up beside you.

This is going to be fun for both of us.

You pardon me, miss. You don't know my
name, but here's my card.

Okay, I take a card and it blows up in
my hand. Ouch! That burns me up.

Now, I walk away and you catch me.

You're a fresh guy, aren't you?

Price is a daisy. Here, have a sniff.

No, you have a sniff.

And I squirt the water in my own face.

Okay, that's pretty good up to there,
but we've got to speed it up.

Let's take it from the beginning. Okay,
we'll take it from the beginning.

It's good, huh?

Miss Revere.

Well, where is the poor lad? Hello, Mr.
Denningham. I don't know.

And the way he felt, he might do
practically anything.

Oh, Pop.

Did Hep Hicksby go out?

Yep. Run past me like a swarm of bees
was chasing him. Oh.

Make up and all.

Which way's the lake?

The lake? Yeah, yeah, the lake.

Why, the lake is miles from here.

Oh, thank heaven.

You don't think anything's happened to
him? Oh, no. He's just probably trying

walk off his humiliation.

Oh, just so long as he don't walk off
anything else.

Like a bridge.

I gotta find him.

Will you give me a call when you do
locate him, my dear? Drop to your

Sure, sure.

You know, I don't know when I've taken
such a liking to a young man.

He's... Well, he's the kind of boy I'd
be proud to have for a son.

Yeah, that's part of it with me, too.

Yeah. But you know, I'd like to see him
go into business.

Now, that's where he belongs.

Young fellow of that type would be a
great asset.

Such energy and so likable.

Well, I'd take him into Denningham
Sapphire Water Company in a minute.

Well, you will let me know, my dear,
huh? Yes, and thanks a lot, Mr.

You've been more than lovely. Not at
all, my dear.

Now, don't you worry too much.

a word to anyone.

I've been half crazy calling up, going
over to your hotel.

For all I knew, you might have been...
Oh, honey, you all right?

I'm sorry, Maisie. I had to get out of
there.

I walked around and everybody on that
train was laughing at me with all this

pain on their face.

Oh, poor little fella.

Oh, a fine actress like you getting
mixed up in a thing like that.

I didn't know what it was.

I was fine in all those lights and those
people.

I could never do it. I know that now.

Oh, Habsie, don't let a little thing
like this throw you.

Why, tonight was nothing that could
happen to anybody.

We'll try the act out someplace else.

Well, that's an awful tough audience,
that Glendale audience, anyway.

It's a swell act, and you'll go great
next time. No, I'm what you said,

an amateur. I don't belong in show
business.

Oh, now, Habsie. Oh, don't kid me,
Maisie.

You don't belong in the show business.

Never in a thousand years.

Well, I just wanted to apologize and say
thanks.

So long, Maisie. You've been swell.

Where are you going?

Home, I guess.

Sure.

Sure, I guess that's best.

Your intended's there, and you can buy
back into the drugstore.

Drugstore? Oh, no.

This is what I like, the big city.

Right off, I felt I belonged here.

Well, if you feel that way about it, why
don't you stay?

Well, you said yourself I'd never be any
good.

Well, just in show business. I only
meant not in show business.

Oh, Hap, you've got plenty to offer.
Don't kid yourself. Oh, you've got a

world of personality.

Now, I don't want you crawling back
there feeling like you're a flop.

Public flopola number one, that's me.
Oh, no, have.

Get into some business, that's where you
belong, in some nice office with some

good firm.

No, I mean it. Why, only tonight Mr.
Denningham said he'd love to have you

for him. Honest, he did have.

Well, he was only sorry for me. Well,
sure, but that isn't why he said that.

meant it, and you know how sincere Mr.
Denningham is. He's nuts about you.

I bet he is.

You don't believe me?

Well, come here and I'll prove it.

Hello? Oh, hello, Miss Revere. Did you
find our boy?

Oh, I'm glad.

I certainly was worried.

Mr. Denningham, pardon me for asking,
but what you said tonight about how

like to have Hap work for you in your
business, remember?

Well, was that on a level or were you
just feeling sorry for him?

Mr. Denningham, that's nice of you.

Well, that's the way I feel about it, my
boy.

I'd like nothing better than to have you
with me.

Oh, sweat.

Look, there's another thing. You see,
Maisie's my partner. Oh, Hap, don't be

silly. Well, me folding up like that
leaves her out of a job. Do you think he

could use her around the office, too?
Hap.

Well, offhand, I just don't know what I
could find for her to do.

I'll tell you what, boy.

You drop in and see me tomorrow. I'll be
in all day, and we'll work something

out. Gee.

I'll see you the first thing in the
morning, Mr. Denningham.

And thanks a million.

Oh, nonsense. Don't thank me. I'm doing
myself a favor.

Good night, Hap.

Oh, my boy went home in old New
Hampshire.

Wonderful feeling, I'm happy again.

I'm singing, yes, I'm singing in the
rain.

Hap Hicksby, Vice President.

This is the payoff.

He's getting places in four weeks. Vice
president and $2 ,500 worth of stock.

Denningham gave him $2 ,500 worth of
stock?

Art, I can see you just don't understand
big business.

Denningham's sapphire water stock is not
cigarette coupons. You buy it.

$2 ,500?

There must be some water you got there.

Didn't you ever taste it?

Come here.

Good stuff, huh?

Get outside of that.

Denningham Sapphire water spoiled plain
water for me.

It has got a very high class taste to
it.

Gee, you can almost smell the pine trees
in it.

Huh? Yeah, I think I'll buy some stock.

That is, if any of the characters ever
pay me.

Well, you better hurry up, Art. It's
going fast.

They got a married couple in there right
now buying some.

Yeah? Oh, excuse me, Art. Sure.

App, I think you got something there.

Well? There it is, dear. Wonderful.

Yes, Mr. Dillon, and we're certainly
gratified to number you among our

investors. Well, thanks, Mr. Denningham.
Not at all. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Miss Dillon.

Pay us a visit real soon. Thank you, we
will.

I'll show you folks to the elevator.

Well, it's been a great day for
Denningham Sapphire Water. Miss and Mrs.

bought a very nice block of stock. Look
at that, a thousand shares.

Gee. You know, Maisie, you and Hap are
my good luck charms.

Oh, but you are.

That means a new wing on the bottling
works.

Oh, gee, that's wonderful, Mr.
Denningham.

You really got the go -ahead signal at
last. Yes, indeed, my dear.

Full speed ahead.

I guess I must have read that line
wrong.

Oh, Maisie, you do say the most amusing
things.

You know, I've got a very warm,
brotherly feeling for you.

Sure. I guess my family must have been
cold -blooded.

When you hear the chime, it will be
exactly chime for lunch on me.

Thanks very much, Hap. But I've got to
get down to the bank with this check.

It's necessary to cover several
improvements up at the spring.

Oh, and by the way, I've got a couple of
other things to do. May take several

hours. So will you and Maisie carry on
while I'm gone? I'll see you later.

Goodbye. Okay, Fred.

Do you think you'll get back in time for
lunch?

Oh, I was just... Oh, where is my
wandering mind tonight?

Oh, Hap, get out of that cornfield.

Hi, Sammy.

Hello, Missy. Oh, Biff. Hi, Art. Hello,
kid.

Hiya, mate.

Hiya, gorgeous.

Hello, Izzy. Where is he? How are you?

What's cooking, Jasper? If you mean
business, it's terrible, but on the

the blue plate special, stew.

That's for me. Yeah, I'll have the same
thing.

Only leave out all the vegetables, wrap
the rest of it up in a couple of slices

of bread.

Translated, he wants a beef sandwich.

Oh, what a comic.

Don't encourage him, Artie. He's feeling
good enough already to be dangerous.

Ain't changed your mind about going back
to show business, have you, beautiful?

Not me. I like being a lady tycoon.

Hi, Art.

Bone pressure.

You're looking sharp, son. When did you
get out?

Sprung today.

Yeah? Come here.

I want you to meet a really colossal
character.

Watch this.

Starts, Phil. Shake hands with a friend
of mine. I'm glad to know you.

This is the bone crusher. He gets his
name from mangling people's fingers when

he shakes hands.

They numb up. No feeling. Just like
this. No, you don't.

I was just trying to show you a real
gentle like. Well, I believe you.

Yeah, while the fingers is numb, he can
slip a ring off, see? Yeah, that's why

I've been away for six months.

Well, I'll be seeing you. Okay.

Hiya, Pappy.

Well, hello, Pappy. Hiya, Pappy.

Come on, sit down here. I'm finished.

Yeah, pull up and cheer and cheer up. No
extra charge.

Oh, hello. Hello, Pappy.

What's gonna be?

Double coffee.

How about the blue plate special, Stu?

Go ahead and try it. Try it. It's good
today.

Cut meat in it.

No, just coffee.

Oh.

What's the matter, Pappy?

Stomach upset?

Yeah, among other things.

Stickwell again, huh?

Can't you figure some way to get that
guy out of your hair?

He beat me to it.

What do you mean?

As of Tuesday, the Larsonie building is
out of my hands.

For good and all.

Oh, but Pappy, how come this is your
building?

Not legally.

When you are bankrupt, nothing is yours
but troubles.

Now, what's the latest bad news? Pappy
just got tossed out. What? Pappy, is

on the level?

How do you like that? Well, that is the
pale. That's a tough break.

That's it, folks.

I'm moving.

But I'm leaving Stickwell the
cockroaches.

Yeah, they can keep his telephone
booths, too.

Well, he wouldn't be in this spot if any
of you ever paid your rent.

And you didn't do yourself any good
being so nice to me, either.

Well, no need to get upset.

Eddie Fledermaus, run it on the phone.

Just introduce me to this guy, Stickwell
Pappy.

Just introduce me.

The sentiment is very appreciated.

But what comes, comes.

This is on the house, Pappy.

Well, thanks.

You certainly make a wonderful cup of
coffee, Jasper.

Gee, Pappy, I don't know what to say.

I'm finding the same difficulty facing
Mrs. Goodwin.

Yeah, that's going to be tough.

As I remember her, she's the emotional
type.

So emotional, she's likely to head right
for the divorce court.

In which case, maybe that ain't bad.

We'll be in the city.

Somebody ought to straighten out that
stick well.

Stick well.

Come here. I want to talk to you.

Inside.

Well?

Well, what is it?

I'd be careful if I were you.

Yes, if I... If I were you, I'd be
pretty careful what I said to people who

not a couple of jerks, as you seem to
think, but the vice president and the

receptionist of the Denningham Sapphire
Water Corporation, and don't forget it,

Mr. Stinkwell.

Stinkwell! The crack still goes.

And furthermore, this company is right
now considering taking more office

Yeah, we may take over the whole third
floor in time. Yeah.

You heard him. The entire third floor.

Well, what have you got to say to that,
Mr.

Stinkwell? Well, that's splendid.

I'm delighted.

Delighted? Yes.

He's delighted.

What do you know about Denningham
Sapphire Water, anyway? Well, I don't

much about it, and I had no idea it was
doing so well. Did you ever taste

Denningham Sapphire Water? No. No, I'm
afraid I haven't. I understood it wasn't

yet on the market. Well, when you taste
it, you'll know why it's the biggest

thing in bottles. Here.

Well, you stay here. I'll get you a
sample.

I knew, of course, this was an up -and
-coming concern.

Up -and -going, you mean.

Did you or did you not hand Mr. Pappy
Goodring his walking papers?

I discharged Goodring because he has
proven entirely unsatisfactory. Oh,

not to this company he hasn't. All that
has held the Denningham Sapphire Water

Corporation to this oversized mousetrap
is Mr. Pappy Goodring.

Please stick well.

Your viewpoint is based entirely on
personality, my dear young woman. Yeah,

what is there but personality, for
crying out loud?

And I'm not your dear young woman. Here,
drink this. It'll make a new man out of

you. Well, that's asking a lot of our
product.

Now, now, a soft answer turneth away
wrath.

Yeah, and a hard heart and a pig head
turneth away a swell guy like Pappy. If

Mr. Denningham, who's the tenant here,
has anything to discuss with me, I'm

every day.

Listen.

It happens that Mr. Denningham has gone
to the bank to deposit some more than

substantial checks.

But Mr.

Denningham, being a broad -gauge type of
man, and Mr. Denningham having not only

a brain, but a heart which is not
shriveled up to nothing like the last

the box, if Mr.

Denningham were here, he'd say what I'm
saying.

You mean that guy Stickwell fired you?

That's it.

Well, he ain't gonna get no service from
me, I'll tell you that much.

Come on, Stink.

Easy does it.

Whoever built those doors must have been
a gopher.

He's drunk as a skunk.

I have something to say.

Mr. Stickwell, I and you have had our
last say. Oh, now, wait a minute, Pappy.

Hold your horse. Mr. Goodring, a great
injustice has been done, but one that is

not irreparable.

I now see things in a different light.
And that light is slowly dimming. Oh,

what are you talking about? He's been
drinking nothing but pure, cruel

Denningham Sapphire.

Have you ever tasted Hemingdam Ham's
sapphire water?

No. No? Then come with me.

Hey, you got an extra glass in there?

Outside haystack.

I even like you now.

A loving cup.

Pure, mumbling Hemingdam's sapphire
water, Pappy.

You don't care if I call you Pappy, do
you, Pappy? Granted, Mr. Stickwell.

Don't call me that.

Just call me Stinky.

Congratulations.

Me too.

Pat. Hmm?

That's sapphire water.

That wasn't sapphire water.

Nope. Oh, what was it?

Gin. Gin?

But I never touch it.

Well, I never touch it either.

Well, I never touch it either either.

Let's go outside and get some air. Okay.

No. No?

No. Because they're there, and we'd have
to walk through them, and that would be

very rude.

Macy.

Yes? I like you.

Well, I like you, too.

Well, I like you more than you do me.

No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't.
Would you like me if I was stupid?

Well, don't I?

There's something I'd like to ask you,
if you don't mind.

What? Well, it's nothing much.

Would you mind if I kind of put my arms
around you?

No, I wouldn't mind.

You wouldn't?

No.

I think it's about time.

Gee. Oh, pardon me.

Thanks.

Oh, I get it.

Naked with the gags as usual.

Beep, beep. I'm a jeep.

Beep.

Beep, beep. He's a jeep.

I guess I just don't live right.

What have I got, a trout?

Hello, long distance.

How are you, long distance? How are all
the little distances?

Guess who this is?

Hap. Yep.

Surprise.

Well, look, long distance, this is how
it is.

I want to talk to Elsie.

I want to tell Elsie right now that
she's a fine girl, but I don't love her.

I don't love her because... because I
don't.

Because of Maisie.

Wouldn't be fair to be engaged to Elsie
and be in love with Maisie, would it?

Hmm?

Sure, that's what I mean. That's not
right. That's, uh, that's, um... That's

bigotry. You heard what she said.

Now let me talk to Elsie.

But don't make me talk to her mother.

There's an awful lot of her mother, if
you know what I mean.

Hapsey, if you really mean all that, and
you want to get the operator, dial

the dial, darling.

I wanted to see if you felt the same
way.

Oh, Hapsy.

In spades.

I doodled.

No.

No? No.

In the morning, sober.

But she said I was the deal of the doll,
darling. Yes, but after you've slept on

it. What on that?

Oh, no, no.

But if I was Elsie... and I was to call
me up and I was the way you are now, I

wouldn't believe me. Understand?

No. But the first thing in the morning,
for sure.

Right.

Maisie, I've got some very good news.

I beg to inform that I remain, as of
today, reinstated by Mr. Stinky. Here it

is, black on white.

Hey, Pappy, about you staying on here,
is that still okay this morning?

As good as gold.

I've been over to the Stickwell
residence already.

And even with his headache, he was very
friendly.

Well... You seem to feel okay this
morning. Oh, I do.

I know I shouldn't, but I do.

Maisie, permit me to tend to my
congratulations to both you and Hap.

For some people, I guess matrimony might
be very all right.

Oh, thanks, Pappy.

Gee, I got to open up or Mr. Denningham
will beat me in. See you later. Bye.

Is anything the matter?

Well, look, Maisie, I feel I owe you an
apology.

Apology? For what?

Well, for the way I behaved yesterday. I
don't remember everything that

happened, but... Oh, you don't remember,
huh?

Oh, if I hurt your feelings or
frightened you, gosh, I'm sorry, because

the last thing in the world I'd want to
do.

Honey, you didn't frighten me yesterday,
but right now you almost scared me to

death. Why? What did I do?

Well, I thought maybe everything looked
different to you in the cold, gray dawn.

Oh, gosh, no. I've got a long -distance
call in. Elsie didn't answer, but the

operator says she'd try again and then
call me back.

Okay, sugar lump.

Oh, gosh, no.

Come here.

Hmm? Bend down.

Sapphire water.

H .P. Hicksby, vice president.

That's him.

Oh, excuse me, honey.

Oh, good morning, ladies. May I...
Herbert!

Oh, darling!

Gee, Elsie, I thought you were in...
Hasn't our boy a kiss for Mother Myra?

Oh, Herbert, you look pale.

You've been neglecting your health here
in Chicago.

Well, I didn't know you were planning a
trip. I thought you were in... Well,

when did you get in?

Darling, guess what?

What? Mama says we can be married right
here in Chicago today.

Isn't that divine?

I'm so happy I could die.

Well, Elsie, we couldn't do that.

You see, uh... Oh, Maisie.

Miss McIntyre, my, uh... Miss Revere
and... Elsie's mother.

How do you do? Hello.

Herbert, what do you mean we can't be
married today?

I've got my trousseau and everything for
my hope chest, but why can't it be

today? Well, look, Elsie.

Well,

there's a three -day law in Chicago.

Three -day law?

Yes, you have to wait three days before
you can get married. My cousin Joe Latch

knows the mayor very well. We'll soon
fix that up.

Darling, you've been a very bad boy
about letters.

Do you know that you haven't written to
me for three whole weeks?

I haven't been so busy with the showers
and all. I would have fell off.

Oh, sweetheart.

It's so wonderful to see you again.

I'm so glad you're connected with a good
firm, Herbert.

Hiya, Maisie.

Me for a glass of that Denningham
sapphire water.

I wouldn't drink that if I were you.

Makes people say lots of things they
don't mean.

Yes? You Marshal is Denningham? No, he
isn't in just yet. Then you're Hicksby.

Yes, I am. Okay, come along.

You stay here and wait for Denningham.
Okay. Would you let me know what this is

all about?

Come on, come on. The D .A. wants to see
you.

Well, what for? I haven't done anything.

When do we go on? Lots of time. They'll
be dancing a while yet. Then there's a

couple of speeches and a raffle.

Gee, we've had two shows already today.

And now a benefit on top of it. My feet
hurt.

Honey, when you've been in show business
as long as I have, you'll find out your

feet always hurt. Listen, a benefit like
this here is strictly class. Don't do

the business no harm. No harm at all.

Yeah. We get a very refined type of
audience when it's for nothing.

But these days you've got to do all you
can.

All right if I take a peek outside? Why
not?

He had shared a doll of a place.

I was in a flash act once that had...
Oh, Miss Taylor.

Now, remember, you promised me a dance
this evening. Clarence Greaves, I'd

to dance with you. But I'm so busy with
my fashion show. Now, now. The most

charitable lady in all the Southland can
spare a little charity for a devoted

admirer. Clarence Greaves, I can't
resist you. I promise you the next

I'll be waiting right here. Sure enough.

What's the matter, honey? You see
something?

I don't know yet.

speak to a party in Cicero, Illinois.

The name is Pappy Goodring.

What's the idea of calling up at this
time of the night?

Oh, Mrs. Goodring, let me talk to Mr.
Goodring, please.

Well, you wouldn't remember me, but my
name's Maisie Revere.

Look, I'm in Georgia. What harm can I do
from here? Let me talk to him.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Pappy. Honey, this is Maisie. I'm
in Atlanta.

Atlanta?

What's the rap?

Oh, I'm all right. I'm not in jail.

Look, Pappy, is Mr. Denningham still
around the Larson building?

No, he's not around, Maisie.

Starting so legitimate, Mr. Denningham
turned out to be the biggest thief of

all. What?

Yeah.

That Denningham sapphire water was
strictly phony. All that moolah he

he ran out with.

Haps, too?

Haps, also.

Added to which...

He got arrested for being a party to a
swindle. They arrested Hap?

You mean Hap's in jail?

He's out on bail at present.

But his chances are not good, poor
schnook.

Oh, but Pappy, they can't put Hap in
jail. Haven't they got any sense?

Oh, how could they look at that face of
his and think he'd cheat anybody?

Oh, and it was me got him into the whole
thing.

That dirty Denningham.

Listen, Pappy, Denningham's here.

He's here in Georgia.

He's going by the name of Grease or
something, and he's wearing a mustache.

Now, listen, I'll keep an eye on
Denningham, and you call the police.

police or the district attorney or
something, and tell them he's at the

Estate in Canfield, Georgia.

Sure, Maisie. I'll call the cops right
away.

And they will doubtless get right in
touch with the Lord down there.

Yeah, and I'll lead them right to the
fat slug.

Pappy.

Have you seen Hap?

How is he?

Oh, he don't look good, huh?

Poor baby.

Did he get married?

As to that, I couldn't say.

The girl was around.

But if he got married when he got bail,
I couldn't say.

Well, look, Pappy, you call the cops and
I'll stay close to Denningham.

All right, sweetie.

Bye -bye.

them here by the dance floor.

Teddy Marbrains always gets so excited
at these parties.

Well, hello, y 'all.

Well, y 'all haven't forgotten little
me, have you, Melinda Calhoun? Oh, I

believe that. Oh, you have so.

Well, y 'all can just dance with me,
that's what, and I'll forgive you.

isn't it? Delightful.

Well, my soul and body, our declared
goodness is Uncle Clarence.

Oh, pardon me for being so downright
bold, but Mr. Greaves is my daddy's

friend in this entire world, and I never
was so happy to see anybody in all my

born days.

Nice to see you again, my dear.

Um, Mrs. Taylor, this is... Melinda
Calhoun, Mrs. Taylor.

Oh, and Mrs. Taylor, be a honey lamb and
trade partners, will you? This

gentleman there does like nothing in
this entire world. And I've just got to

talk over to old Tom and Mr. Greaves.

Thank you, sugar.

Uncle Clarence, it's been a clean day.

Why, I never dreamed about this, y 'all,
down here.

Especially with a mustache.

Well, that only goes to prove what a
little old little world we live in.

Don't give me away, Denningham.

I'm asking you as a pal.

What are you up to?

Oh, well, I got a deal cooking that'll
set me for life.

A deal?

You've got a deal?

Oh, Maisie, I never guessed.

Well, call the draw.

I never pegged you either. I had half
all lined up for myself till you beat me

to it.

Well, bless your heart.

Why, we should have teamed up and really
taken him. You know, I always did like

you, Maisie.

Yeah.

Like a brother.

Little teeth.

What are you working on down here?

Well, that fellow I was dancing with.
He's fallen slow but sure.

I've got mine, Lollipop.

By the time I pull out of this town
tonight, it'll be clean as a new shaved

neck.

You're landing out tonight?

Yeah, about an hour.

Want to come along?

Honey, we have a lot of fun.

Well, yeah,

that's an idea.

Let's go over to my hotel and talk it
over.

Wonderful. And we'll crack a bottle of
Denningham Sapphire water.

One scotch and soda and

one root beer. Oh, I'll get that. Oh,
no, Uncle Clarence. Your money's no

Give me a pencil. Yes.

I didn't know you had such a long name,
my dear.

Well, what's in a name, Mr. Greaves?

Your tip is on there.

Yes, ma 'am. Thank you very much.

Well, here's to crime.

Here's to us.

Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

Oh, honey, there's no time for that.
I've got to catch a train.

Are you coming with me?

Well, I've got this pigeon ready to
base, and I kind of hate to leave him.

baby, it's up to you.

Because as much as I like you, Maisie,
and I like you even better now that I'm

wise to you, if you don't make up that
smart little mind of yours in a hurry,

I'm on my way.

because they're liable to make it hot
for me here any minute. Now, it's yes or

no. Well, I'll admit it's awful
tempting, but I'm... Now, no but, sugar.

no.

Well, maybe I am silly waiting for this
local joke to pay off.

From what I can get on him, there are a
couple of coal mines and a railroad, but

who knows, maybe they're in his wife's
name.

It's a gamble, but with you...

Okay.

Wonderful. Then we're a team.

Now, how about sealing that bargain with
a little brotherly hug? Oh, what about

that train we've got to catch? What
time?

Oh, 11 .30. Oh, gee, it's 10 .02 now.
I've got to get packed.

Now, let me see. What does that do with
my suitcase?

Oh, excuse me, Mushy. It's probably in
there.

All right, honey.

Wonderful feeling, I'm happy again.

You find it, honey?

No, but I'm looking.

Well, come, come, come, honey. Time's a
-wasting. Oh, yeah, well, the shelf. I

thought it was on the shelf. Well, it's
not here, but this thing.

Oh, yeah.

Well, now, let me see. What did I do
with that silly thing? I just... Oh,

I'm a dope. It's under the bed.

Will you get it for me in my seat? Of
course I will.

And it's way under. Yes, well, I always
put them way under.

Oh, come in.

What's the trouble? Oh, brother, I
thought you'd never get here.

Well, there it is.

Marshal Denningham or Clarence Greaves
or you name it.

Marshal Denningham.

Oh, sure.

We just got a call from Chicago to pick
him up.

Prowl card has just gone out to the
Taylor estate for him.

It's a nice... Don't be honest kid being
held for trial on account of him.

Maisie, you are a rogue.

You ought to know.

All right, come on, come on. Oh, just
one moment, I'll see.

To you, my sweet, it's a shame. It would
have been a lot of fun.

My boy, crime does not pay.

Nice going, Sam.

Yes, and when I read that message
calling the cops quick, my legs almost

to rubber. Shh, that's allowed.

Somebody might weave you into a tire.
Yes.

Hey, you know, I wish we could wear
these kind of hats all the time. Those

hats they give us. Whatever way you tilt
them, that's the way you walk for the

day. Yeah.

Nowadays, when anyone is clicking, if
he's really ticking, then they say

he's hooking with gas.

Makes no difference what he may be
doing.

If he's really stewing, that's the way
he's cooking with gas.

It's a crazy phrase that seems to me to
be intense.

The hunch, it's not his punch, it's
cause he's cooking with gas.

Joe DiMaggio swats a ball, it's 23
skidoo.

They all dodge cause Joe DiMaggio is a
really cooking too.

When that good old army team begins to
forward pass, you can bet that each

is really cooking with gas.

the dowel rooms, everything at 10, 12.

Then Franklin D. said, follow me and
let's start cooking ourselves.

We cannot afford to let this opportunity
pass.

If you're hip, then get in step.

and she went back to Dartsville.