Original subtitles

"Love Me, Hate Me"

♪ We found each other between lettuce and bread ♪

♪ We kissed by the cake and flan section ♪

Mwah, mwah.

How was the flight?

How was Spain?

What the...?

I smell orange juice, freshly squeezed.

Champagne? No. Cava and vodka.

Brand Ninotchka?

Correct, Coquita.

For 11 minutes we thought the plane would crash,

so I ordered three aguas de Valencia.

Ah, of course.

Every near death experience

is just another chance to get drunk

without a hangover.

So what happened to your family?

They don't understand me, they never will,

but they'll grant me the necessary funds

to monetize those filthy beasts.

Come.

Quito.

The center of the world.

And here I am, Coquita,

about to make it all revolve around me.

QUITO THE CENTER OF THE WORLD

Mami! Mami! I want a cuy!

What?! Not to eat! Gross!

But you said you wanted a cuy?!

Yes, I do, mami, but...

♪ ¡Cuy! ¡Cuy! ¡Cuy! ♪

♪ Wanna kiss and to hug! ♪

♪ ¡Cuy! ¡Cuy! ¡Cuy! ♪

♪ Wanna pet and to love! ♪

♪ ¡Cuy! ¡Cuy! ¡Cuy! ♪

♪ Unfried and unstewed ♪

Cuys! Family is not food!

Ugh, does that little actress look as annoying as she sounds?

Put on your glasses, woman.

Shit. Yes, I hate her.

I have to fire her.

Gently, of course.

The last thing I want is tears on set.

Hello, sweetie.

How pretty you look with that adorable creature.

Listen, I have a little update.

You're firing me.

Yes. Are you going to cry?

Maybe. Maybe not.

What do you want?

Do you see that woman?

That's my mother. Before I was born,

my grandparents teased her

because she was over 30 yet still a virgin.

Mm-hmm. One day, to shut them up,

she went to a doctor and got herself injected

with a strong dose of me,

by which I mean to say,

I was conceived through artificial insemination.

Oh, yes. I've heard this kind of thing

is happening more and more.

Yes, well, she's still a virgin.

I think I see where this is going,

but please, continue.

You are a beautiful woman, a society darling.

Surely, you must know someone respectable,

yet horny enough to deflower my mother.

I understand you perfectly.

Leave your mother's chastity in my hands.

Let's go, mother.

Coquita, let's also replace

this horrid, little monster.

We can't, woman!

Our access to cuy breeders has been cut off.

What?! How?!

Today on "Carmen Dice",

I talk to the cuy butcher

from a humble meat shop

who became the CEO of Ecuador's

most successful restaurant,

El Cuchillo.

Let's give a warm welcome to...

Doña Quispe!

Alright, Doña Quispe,

let's skip the bullshit.

What do you think of the new trend of ladies

keeping little, miniature cuys as pets?

I hate it so it boils my blood,

and I blame it all on one woman, that Spaniard,

that foreigner, Marioneta Negocios.

Doña Quispe threatened to blacklist

any cuy breeder who does business with you.

Listen, woman, her list is literally black.

She uses black pen on black paper.

Impossible to read for anyone but her.

But I don't even know this woman.

Why would she hate me without giving me the pleasure

of supplying her with a good reason?

Doña Quispe makes enemies

the way drunk people get tattoos.

It may be hasty and they may not have great reasons.

But once it's on, it's for life.

Doña Quispe,

tonight we have a very special guest.

Whoever they are, push the broad out already.

Let's welcome

the original owner of the meat shop

you transformed into a multimillion-dollar empire.

Come on out, Josefa Servilleta!

It's fine. There are other supply chains for cuys

in Ecuador.

Oh, Coquita, do you remember that awkward woman on set?

The mother of the child actor. In the polka dots.

Yes. Of course.

Minnie Mouse if she were still a virgin.

Exactly. We need to find someone to fuck her.

The sooner the better.

Can you arrange it?

Of course! What does she prefer?

Women? Men? A little mix of both?

Go for both.

From what I saw, it's best

we keep our options open.

Marioneta, as I already informed you,

I cannot connect you to the breeders

who supply my cuys.

I understand. The cuy-fighting community

would excommunicate you.

No. You don't understand.

If it were only an argument between my community

and their concern over a friendlier branding

of a majestic foe...

and a request from you...

I, like the cuy, have not been bred

to spend my time on women's laps

or children's arms.

The people of the Andes bred these creatures,

not as companions,

but for two purposes:

the tamer of the breed as a source of sustenance.

And the more violent

as a reminder of our strength,

our fragility,

and our proximity to death.

You want to do to the cuy

what man did to the wolf,

Transform it into a Chihuahua or Pekingese?

Of course! If I could control the supply chain,

the price point, and the market demand,

it would be insanely profitable.

Imagine owning

the DNA patent to something as lucrative

as the Chihuahua.

But that's not why I'm here. I came to ask

if you would like to have dinner with me tonight.

Oh, I see.

Mm.

Save the cuys! Kill the cuy fighters!

Kill the cuy fighters! Save the cuys!

♪ That I don't want to share ♪

♪ It's a store love, a store love ♪

♪ It's a store love ♪

¡Ow, ow! ♪ That's how love is ♪

♪ It's a store love, a store love ♪

♪ It's a store love, that's how love is ♪

What... what do I love about the art of cuy fighting?

I've read your interviews.

I know you've been asked that question.

But it's like the Beatles.

I dream to see it live.

I understand.

I always say I love the dance

between predator and prey.

I allow the animal to catch sight of me

in their peripheral vision,

I deliberately retreat, just one step back,

to encourage them to charge me...

I wave my flag,

a piece of fabric beckoning them forth

for my sincere, deadly intent,

to strike, to penetrate,

not as an act of hate,

but one of respect and violent admiration.

I always say I live for that moment,

that dance.

But I leave one part out.

Outside the ring,

in the human world, I never feel the thrill,

the animal lust,

of not knowing whether I am predator or prey.

Me neither, Espada, because, I always know.

I am the predator.

Chela Pachanca, Cuy Breeder

I've given you so much of myself.

What's a little more?

Help!

Help!

Let me out!

Let me out, you bastard!

You son of a bitch!

Let me out!

Help!

Let me out!

Please!

Help!

Let me out, you bastard!

♪ We found each other between lettuce and bread ♪

♪ We kissed by the cake and flan section ♪

♪ He looked at me between the meat and ham aisles ♪

♪ Against eggs and ham he came into my heart ♪

♪ Inside the flour he is my heroine ♪

♪ While I buy my vitamins, love murders me ♪

♪ I want a piece of you ♪

♪ That I don't want to share ♪

♪ It's a store love, a store love ♪

♪ It's a store love, that's how love is ♪

♪ It's a store love, a store love ♪

♪ It's a store love, that's how love is ♪

♪ It's a store love, a store love ♪

♪ It's a store love, that's how love is ♪