All language subtitles for Monty.Python.The.Meaning.of.Live.2014.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-GPRS_track3_[eng]

[indistinct chattering]

[audience cheering]

[man]

Oh, fucking hell!

-Shh!
-[all chuckle quietly]

[music plays]

We've got ten minutes
of overture?

Three minutes.

-[applause]
-[chorus hums "Sit On My Face"]

[all singing indistinct]

[audience claps to the beat]

[all continue, indistinct]

♪ Life can be fine
If we both 69 ♪

♪ If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places
And play ♪

♪ Until we're blown away ♪

[applause]

[audience cheering]

Thank you, gents,
have a good show.

-Thank you very much.
-Thank you.

[audience cheering]

[Idle] I have never stopped
being on stage,

I continued to be
stuck at being a comedian,
sad and pathetic.

[Gillam] Laughter is the fuel
of the Pythons,

without laughter they die,

sad, horrible, old men
in their lonely mansions.

[Cleese] When you start,
you go out with every audience

you don't know if they're
gonna hate you or not.

That's why comedians
talk about dying.

[Palin] There are religions,
there are companies

which are desperately
trying to control

what we are, what we think.

And we're just saying,
"Up yours!"

[Jones] It is fun
to be together,

we do have a good time
when we finally get together,

it's just such a nightmare
getting everybody together.

[indistinct chatter]

[whistle blows]

[matador music plays]

[man] Olé!

[indistinct chattering]

Python is weird.

It's weird that it survived,

it's weird it went
on television,

it's weird it went on
in America,

it's weird it goes on,
it's not normal.

It should be forgotten,
it's 45 years or more.

[panting]

It's...

[Cleese]Monty Python's
Flying Circus.

[Palin] Welcome to
the Ronald Reagan memorial ball,

here in the pretty little
LA suburb of Hollywood.

♪ I put on women's clothing ♪

♪ And hang around in bars ♪

[Palin] Part of
the absurdity of Python,

it was just about
universal human behaviour.

It was poking fun, it wasn't
going head on at a target,

in any shape or form,

it was playing with people,
making people look silly,

making people in power
look silly.

Oh, I've had
a bitch of a morning
in the High Court.

Oh, I could stamp
my little feet

the way those councillors
carry on.

-Don't I know it, love.
-Oh, dear...

Objection here,
objection there...

Must be why people all over
the world still like Python,

because it does debunk

and, sort of, undercut
pomposity in all shape and form.

I'll tell you
what I want,

I want a Last Supper
with one Christ,

12 disciples,
no kangaroos,

no trampoline acts,

by Thursday lunch or
you don't get paid!

Bloody fascist!

Look, I'm the bloody pope, I am.

It does show
that without destroying,

without asking you to sign up
to revolution,

allows you to make fun
of wherever you are

and whatever circumstances.

-What do you want?
-Well, I was told--

Don't give me that,
you snotty-faced heap
of parrot droppings!

-What?!
-Shut your
festering gob, you tit!

Your type
makes me puke!

You vacuous, toffee-nosed,
malodorous pervert!

Listen, I came here
for an argument.

Oh... oh, I'm sorry,
but this is abuse.

Oh, I see,
terribly sorry.

You want room 12A
next door.

I see,
thank you very much.

Not at all.

[indistinct chattering]

[chatter continues]

[Palin] We're in a meeting.
We're just about
to read the script.

It's the opening of the show.

Terry is in the audience
and receives a phone call.

[woman] Commencing from about
20 minutes before curtain,

Gumbys appear on screen
at regular intervals going,
"Hello!"

[all] Hello!

It felt like no time at all had
passed since we did that sketch.

There's something
about the brain,
you're in that room again,

and it's the same as
30 years have gone by,

but it just felt familiar.

[dramatic music]

Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition,

our chief weapon is surprise!

Surprise and fear, fear and...

Our two weapons are
fear and surprise.

Our three weapons are,

fear, surprise
and ruthless efficiency

and almost fanatical devotion--
Oh, four!

Four, amongst our weapons
are such elements--
I'll come in again.

[chattering]

[woman] Celia, I come
from Spain, why now?

Please don't tell me
it's because of the money.

Nobody expected
the Spanish Inquisition!

I think the answer is,
we're all trying to pay
for Terry Jones' mortgage.

-Yeah.
-Terry's mortgage.

[man] Is this a one and only?

Will, at first it'll be
the one and only.

It depends how long people like
Eric and Michael live, really.

[man #2] I imagine
one of the reasons this
hasn't happened before

is maybe it'd be just milking
the old material,

have you had to overcome
any sense of guilt?

I think the cow
died years ago.

[laughter]

[man #3] You've obviously got
a massive legacy behind you,

are you worried that
you might mess it up

or you'd have a lot of
angry fans coming after you?

If we left it too long,
it would be too late.

We don't have
that long, do we?

-No, we don't.
-Sixty years between us?

[inaudible conversations]

[Gilliam] Python never really
did things for the money.

It was nice making money
doing things occasionally,

but that wasn't the motive
for doing things,

except for the O2 show,

it was the first time it became,

"Ah, we need
to make some money".

[Palin] We had gotten ourselves
into a lawsuit,

which was to do with royalties
on merchandising

for a man who'd been one of
the producers of Holy Grail.

Seven years he's been
pursuing us,

seven years, it's cost us
a million quid with lawyers

just to turn up and say,
"No, that's not true,"

just to defend yourself.

And we were kind
of laughing about it,

I mean, nobody was in despair,
we were just...

Insane!

Why didn't we settle,
five, six years ago?

[Idle] And so, we need
to get out of this mess,

who could possibly help us?

And then I remembered
my old friend Jim Beach,

he flew in from Switzerland,
he sat in a meeting

and he said after,
"You're fucked."

He said,
"You really are in trouble."

But he said,
"If you did one show at O2,

you could just pay off
all this debt that you have."

And that was just
a breakthrough,

everybody said, "Yes" at once.
It was fantastic.

I thought, well...

16,000, it'll be a fun,
interesting experience,

maybe we'll be able to sell
three or four nights.

It's gonna be 50,000
probably all over the UK,

and then we went on sale

and suddenly we were world news
and we were terribly tickled

because we'd been forgotten
for so many years.

It was terribly funny.

Monty Python,
are they still going?

They're doing ten shows.
Do you wanna go?

Ten shows?
Wow, that's pretty amazing.

They must be coining it in.

I bet it's expensive.

But I mean, who wants
to see that again, really?

I mean it was really funny
in the 60s.

Well, the first show sold out
in 40 seconds.

Wow, that's pretty amazing,
I mean...

Still, a bunch
of wrinkly old men

trying to relive their youth
and make a lot of money.

The best one
died years ago!

Maybe back in the 70s
it was fantastic.

I mean, it was
the funniest thing.

[Palin] All of us, with the
possible exception of Gilliam,

were brought up
on stage performances,

that's where we were bloodied,

that was our apprenticeship
at university,

writing and performing
our own material

in front of a live audience.

["I Like Traffic Lights" plays]

[Palin] We got the taste for
live at the Lanchester,

I think it was the Belgrave
Theatre Coventry,

which is a nice theatre,

and it was just a buzz,
it was just a joy.

It was kind of fairly obvious
to us all

that we needed to make
a bit more money

'cause Python
didn't pay very much.

We all had to... six of us
had to share the fees,

and the fees were
ridiculously low,

so what else could we do to
augment our earnings?

So, a stage tour was one of
the things that was mentioned.

[Gilliam] Travelling around
England was quite nice

and being with the group
was exciting,

something one had always
dreamed of doing,

you're in the circus, you're
a little travelling troupe.

You're heading
from town to town,

one-night stands... all these
things that one dreams about.

It never goes quite like that.

It's always much more
shambolic and messy.

[Jones] We had a driver
who missed the turnings.

[laughs]

And we said,

"You missed that turning!"

And we later learned
that he was short-sighted.

He couldn't see...

I don't know how many dates,
14, 15?

And it was pretty rough early

because it was usually chaos
getting the film cues right,

and we had an idiot
doing the sound.

As far as I remembered,
we'd opened in Southampton,

and then we went on
to Brighton the next night,

and I remember
that fairly distinctly,

because I had not wanted
to do the silly walks,

it was never
my favourite sketch.

And I never quite understood
why everyone loved it so much,

it was a bit of a mystery
to me, really.

And when I did it the first
night in Southampton,

it laid a complete egg.

There I was,
capering around on stage

in this embarrassing way
in total silence,

and when I came off I said,

"I told you so, I'm never doing
that fucking sketch again."

I said, "I'm out of here,
I'm not doing it."

They all said,
"Do it one more time,"
I said, "No, that's it."

And then they went on,
like they always do with me,
"Please, do it one more time".

So, I did it the next night
at Brighton

and the bloody audience laughed
and laughed and laughed,

so I was saddled with doing
that wretched sketch.

You see, as Defence, Education,
Housing, Health,

Social Security, Silly Walks,

they're all supposed
to get the same.

But last year, the government
spent less on silly walks

than it did on industrial
reorganisation.

We're supposed to get
348 million pounds a year

to cover our entire
silly walks program.

-Coffee?
-Yes, please.

[loud cheers and applause]

[music playing]

[Palin] In the back of my mind
was we can't just presume,

because we're 70
and we're Python,

everyone is gonna come along
and say,

"Hey, great, they're still
alive and can make comedy".

We've got be as funny
as we ever were.

We've got to be able
to make people laugh

as much as they did
when they first saw
the sketches, if not more.

There's gonna be a lot
of bullshit out there tonight.

That's why we've got
the high heels on,

to deal with stepping
in the bullshit.

[Gilliam] We ended Python
30 years ago,

and I thought we ended
on a few highs,

and we ended
with a bit of dignity

and it wasn't going
to be a bunch of old farts

trying to scrabble together
to get some money.

We'd been classy, we quit
when we were still good.

We mustn't be embarrassing,

it'd be awful if we'd come back
and it's just embarrassing.

[audience cheering]

He's got a cheer straight away.

[Idle] This is our very first
dress rehearsal,

things can go wrong
in a dress rehearsal,

we have got a technical name
for that in the theatre,

it's called a "fuck-up".

The warm up is always good,
aren't they?

Why don't they get them here?

It was quite good this one.

I think he should be in the
show, I think he's good enough

to do some of the smaller parts
in the show.

[Idle] There was a lot of
doubt, my ass was on the line.

They'd blame me totally,
so I was very concerned.

It can only go downhill
from here.

And it does.

[speaking in Spanish]

[all cheering in Spanish]

[in Spanish]

[Cleese snickers]

"La..." Oh, never mind.

Normally, Graham Chapman
would be saying,

"We can't show it because
the video has gone blank."

There we are... a bit.

[laughter]

That's fucking nice-- Now,
that's 40 minutes of stand-up.

We could try a picture
of a llama, could we?

[Idle] Yeah.

On the video,
is it still a blank...

No, no, it's all working
beautifully now.

The moment you came back in,
it was all up.

[man] And now,
Radio 4 will explode.

[explosion]

Uh, no, it won't...

It didn't explode.
Oh, dear.

[laughter]

[Cleese] Oh, well...

[man] Yeah, I think,
from the outside... Oops.

And there was a big panic,

"It doesn't work, we have
to change this, change that."

It was not at all good.

I promise.

Well, anyway...

-Nice to see you.
-See you later.

The LH2, that I found
quite difficult

because you suddenly realise
the dimensions of the stage,

a lot of technical stuff,

suddenly I thought, "Oh, my God,
this is gonna overwhelm us."

That's when I began to think,
"Oh, this is gonna be
right up to the wire."

[indistinct chattering]

-[gong resonates]
-[whimsical music plays]

[Cleese] One of
the things about the O2,

is of course,
it's so expensive to hire

that you can't hire it

and have a full dress rehearsal
the night before.

So the first time
you perform there,

you haven't been
in the theatre 24 hours,

at four a.m. the equipment
started to arrive.

We had a short rehearsal
at about three.

I like Chinese.

I come from Montreal, Canada.

We come from
Goteborg, Sweden.

Flew in yesterday
from Switzerland.

We came from Italy to see
the Monty Python live mostly.

I came from Serbia
to see Monty Python today.

We've come from Barcelona
to see Monty Python.

Yeah, man!

You realise in the end

we are rather lucky to get away
with doing our jokes,

having fun together.

I don't think you'd see
any Pythons going around saying,
"We're legends," you know.

"We have tossed aside
the barriers of comedy

and created something
new and wonderful."

That's what other people say,
we know that's bullshit.

[siren]

-[woman] There's a siren...
-Oh, yeah.

That was Terry Gilliam
being rushed to the Arena.

[man on P.A.] Ladies and gents,
we're arriving at London Bridge,

alight from
the front of the boat,

please take all personal
belongings with you.

[Gilliam] My stomach
went into my heart

when "we", the group,

agreed that "we"
would do a show.

'Cause that's the last thing
I wanted.

Gotta be on the move
'cause I'm late.

[Gilliam] At the same time,
the group is the group
is the group.

It's as simple as that and one
feels one's gotta be part of it.

-Ready? Way to go.
-Sorry, well done, thanks a lot.

Cheers. Enjoy it.

Look at them!
They're already pouring in.

[indistinct chattering]

It's ten minutes to six,

and in another hour
and 40 minutes,

we will go on and there will be
15,000 people out there.

Python doesn't do big stuff.
It's quiet.

People sitting there chatting,
is what it's about.

So, we've chosen this space,

which seems just about right,
you know.

A few members of the family
and a couple of friends,

and that will be it.

I'm really looking
forward to it,

really looking forward to it.

I just want to keep this feeling
I feel at the moment

for the next hour
and 40 minutes.

[man] You alright, John?

I think it was a llama.

[laughter]

[Cleese] When you first
go out on stage, if you
try to make people laugh,

and you fail,
it's basically humiliating.

Even if you tell a bad joke
at a party,

or tell a joke badly
and nobody laughs,

you know, there's a moment
afterwards of silence

and then somebody says
something to try to sort of
break the embarrassment.

When you're trying to be funny
in front of a lot of people
and they are not laughing,

it's pretty terrible.

[whimsical music]

Good evening, hello.

[man] It's what it's all been
building to. You ready?

Oh, no. It's afterwards
we're building to.

Yes, the mindless
adulation we need.

I suggested it to them,
I can't say it's my idea,

I just said,
"Why don't you do this?"

They were all getting on
so well when they met
at the end of August,

that everybody seemed to agree,
I was astonished.

People are arriving,
go shoot them.

Documentaries,

you know, you are supposed
to observe, not interfere.

I think you, of all people,
would know that the observer

interferes with the result,
doesn't he?

-[man] It's quantum mechanics.
-Quantum mechanics! Hello?

You don't even know
what a quantum mechanic
looks like, do you?

[audience cheering, whistling]

[loud applause and cheers]

Shh! Shh!

[Gilliam]

[Cleese]

[theme from
2001: Space Odysseyplays]

Fuck off, John.

[all laughing]

[music continues]

[whimsical music]

[sounds of glass shattering]

[loud cheers and applause]

[Idle] I wasn't doing anything.
I didn't have a gig lined up,

because ofSpamalot,
and musical comedy and theatre

and all that experience,

I would probably be the best
to take it on.

[Gilliam] Eric, would it work
to bring the flower arranging
up there?

No, no, no, don't start fucking
with the order.

This will work very well
in the order.

My instinct from very early on
was very much to trust Eric.

And it was clear to me
that Eric was going to add

a song and dance element to it,

which seemed to me the way
to fill this huge arena.

[indistinct chatter]

Nobody's ever filled up O2,
that size space, with a revue.

I went to France
and I wrote for two weeks.

Then I thought, well, I think
what I need to do now
is make this a musical.

And it will look like a show,

and then we'll come on
and do our bits.

Can you name a single song
or dance

from the first three series?

It was a completely different
kind of show,

the tone was different,

there was enormous amount
of Eric's favourite filth.

It was a wildly different show,

except there were a few
sketches, famous old sketches.

[indistinct singing]

[man] We get John on behind
with the parrot hidden,

and then he goes...
[vocalizing]

I wish to complain
about this parrot.

And we all run off and
the parrot sketch takes place.

I think Eric always had a
problem being the single Python
writing on his own.

I don't think you can
sort of underestimate
how that must feel.

So, I think Eric feels that
he's got something to prove,

to the rest of us.

♪ Some things in life are bad ♪

♪ They can really
Make you mad ♪

You see, if I'm just doing this,
they're lemons.

You know, it's like
they've got nothing to do,

but if we all sing it together,
arms around each other,

you know, there's a kind of
a nice... [whooshing]

within it for them
as a farewell.

They didn't invite me for about
15 years to meetings,
I don't know why.

-I was in L.A. so they'd meet...
-[man] Yeah, quite.

They're dreadful at business,
they're really dreadful.

They need me,
they need me.

We can create this
sort of huge idea

that the universe itself
is expanding and expanding.

♪ We're 30,000 light years
From galactic central point ♪

♪ We go 'round every
Two hundred million years ♪

♪ And our galaxy is only one
Of millions of billions ♪

♪ In this amazing
And expanding universe ♪

[man] Now, there are many
reasons why I find that song
scientifically inaccurate.

This statement that space time
expands at the speed of light,

well, there was a period
of exponential expansion

between ten to the minus-36
and ten to the minus-32 seconds
after the Big Bang,

called inflation in which...

[screams]

[man] Cut, please.

Very good.

-Excellent fall.
-[laughter]

You could give him
a bit longer than that.

[people cheering]

I have been friends with
Professor Brian Cox for a few
years, and we have a lot of fun.

And we drink a lot of Ruinart
and discuss the universe.

[Idle] That's exactly
how it should be.

How did you come
to be doing this silly joke?

I think you might've
been drunk.

You sent me an email saying,

"Would you be able to get
Stephen Hawking to do a gag?"

I said, "Yeah."

And I emailed him
but the funny thing was,

within about a minute
or two minutes,
an email came back saying,

"Yes, big Python fan,
definitely,"
straight from Steven.

[Idle] We have
a surprise for you.

We'd like to play you a song,
if that's okay.

Can we do that?

♪ Just remember
That you're standing ♪

♪ On a planet that's evolving ♪

♪ And you're revolving
At 900-miles an hour ♪

♪ The sun and you and me and
All the stars that we can see ♪

♪ Are moving
At a million miles a day ♪

♪ In an outer spiral arm
At 400,000-miles an hour ♪

♪ In the galaxy we call
The Milky Way ♪

♪ Earth ♪

The bit where I get run over
is the bit where I point out

that space time can expand
faster than the speed of light,

and start talking about
inflationary cosmology and...

[all laughing]

[Hawking] I think
you are being pedantic.

[laughter]

[Cox] We should put that in.

I knew Eric had written this in

and, um, you know,

I think my feeling was,
"If he can pull it off, great."

[Cox] It's better to say that
the Earth sweeps out

equal areas in equal times,

Kepler knew that back in 1609.

Then, the statement
that "space time expands
at the speed of light",

well, there was a period
of exponential expansion

between ten to the minus-36
and ten to the minus-32 seconds

after the Big Bang called
inflation, in which--

[screams]

[Hawking] I think
you are being pedantic.

[indistinct chattering]

Oh, God...

How did it go?

Yeah, it's fine, you know.
Yeah, that was good.

Gosh... I'll be back.

Eric felt that if it didn't
work, it'll be all down to him.

He may have felt
he let us down,

'cause there's a very strong
feeling in Eric
to be loved by the group.

[indistinct chattering]

-[woman] Is it going okay?
-Yes, you can tell it now.

-I just wanna go and get--
-[Palin] What happened there?

-What?
-[Palin] That was very nice.

-What?
-At the end of the lion tamer.

-Was I just going on a bit long?
-No, no...

I was gonna say I wanna be
a marine surveyor.

I was gonna play one joke
on them and see if it worked.

But, no, it was very funny.

I'm so amused
that they all got it.

Absolutely, absolutely.

Can I tell you something?

What?

I never wanted to be
a lion tamer.

[laughter]

-[cheering]
-I wanted...

Well, I want to be
a lumberjack!

[whimsical music begins]

Leaping from tree to tree
as they float down the mighty
rivers of British Columbia!

I had all my flies undone
and then realised,

I did two or three of them up

and that got a small laugh
somewhere.

♪ I cut down trees
I skip and jump ♪

♪ I like to press
Wild flowers ♪

♪ I put on women's clothing ♪

♪ And hang around in bars ♪

Originally, Python was,
it was blokes at university.

So, if you had a woman,
you wanted to do a silly woman,

probably done by the bloke,

if it was a sensible woman,
a serious woman, it would be
done by Jo Kendall, or Carol.

So, when you wanted something...

The great thing
about Carol is...

I'm the real one.

-You can be very silly.
-I can be silly.

-And outrageous, and serious...
-Yeah.

You did understand
how to do it amazingly.

We never had to say,
"Carol, no, do it this way".

[Carol] You see,
now I'm finally...

finally I'm playing
an old lady now.

I'm doing it now,
so we got there eventually.

I'm not playing an old man,
I am an old man.

When I'm on, I can tell
to some extent what's going on,

but when I'm at the back,
I can't hear the other guys'
sketches properly,

and I can't hear
the audience's reaction.

So, I don't know what works
and what didn't work.

A Last Supper
I commissioned from you,

and a Last Supper I want
with 12 disciples.

And one Christ!

[audience laughs]

-One?!
-Yes, one!

Now, what in heaven's name
possessed you to paint this

with three Christs in it?

Eric and I missed a couple
of lines in Michelangelo,

but otherwise it was good.

Lion tamer was very good,

Michael was very funny,

and the crunchy frog
was alright.

Um, it was a little bit slow,
actually.

Little bit slow. It needs
a little more pace to it.

What, a raw frog?!

We use only
the finest baby frogs...

[Jones] I was quite nervous
about the first night,

because our memory's going,
you see.

Oh dear, we don't get wiser
as we get older, it's a myth.

...and lovingly frosted
with glucose.

-That's as may be,
but it's still a frog!
-What else would it be?

[Cleese] Terry Jones did
tell us all, he said,

"Look, my memory
is beginning to go a bit."

I mean, he's still lovely
in conversation,
but there was something about...

Maybe he was scared,
'cause after all,

Terry hadn't been on stage
for decades.

We've got a cut man
in the wing for you.

-Oh, right...
-No, for you.

Oh...

We've got a new cut
man working.

Okay, right.
Yeah, yeah.

I, uh, raised
my guitar so violently

I hit my face.

A trickle of blood going down--
What the fuck's that?

[Gilliam] Oh, would've been
a palace to us!

We used to live in an old
water tank on a rubbish tip.

[Jones] It was only when
I wiped my hand

that I noticed that
there was blood all over it.

And you kept acting
and they all laughed, silly.

And they get a bit closer...

What do you have to do before
they start getting worried,

have your head chopped off?

Our heads half-severed,
but it was such a funny line.

Getting changed into what
it's called a "pepper pot".

Uh... 'cause we think
old ladies

look like pepper pots
with their hats on.

[Gilliam] Terry was
the most worrisome,

'cause Terry during rehearsals
was just struggling.

And it was like, "Oh,
this is not going to work,"
but by the time we got on stage,

he had found a way
of making it work.

Smear of lipstick...

[woman] Does that feel
too tight, Terry, no?

No.

I look like my mother...
[laughs] basically.

And I kind of feel that, so...

Well, I don't talk
like my mother.

[feminine voice] Bye.
Bye. Oh, dear.

[Palin] And now,
Radio four will explode.

[Jones] It was good to be
back on stage again.

The audience was so welcoming
and, uh, appreciative.

It's so... It was just wonderful
to be there.

[Palin] Well, it's just gone
eight o' clock,

and time for the penguin
on top of your television set

to explode.

How did he know
that was going to happen?

It was an inspired guess.

That Michael Palin,
he knows everything.

He's been everywhere,
hasn't he?

You ever watch
any of those travel pro...

-programs.
-[laughter]

If you're gonna be rude about
me, I'm gonna switch you off.

The man, yeah.

The man. You hear that?
I'm the man.

But it's not really me,
it's just a part I play

in this humble little charade.

It's wonderful to see Mike
being funny again.

You know, I mean,
we make the joke constantly
about his boring travel shows

because we know
how brilliant he is.

[humming]

In the very first read through,
he's like woof!

And he's flying, he's alive,
he's sparkling,

his timing... everything
about him is extraordinary.

Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition!

Our chief weapon is surprise.

Surprise and fear,
fear and surprise.

Our two weapons are
fear and surprise.

Fear and surprise
and ruthless...

Our three weapons
are fear, surprise
and ruthless efficiency,

and an almost
fanatical devotion...

Four! Ah...
I'll come in again.

Mike is the one
that I find I enjoy,
and always have enjoyed,

being most, because it's
as though we were very much
in tune with each other.

It's as though
we watch each other,

and the playing
is very flexible.

-[Palin] This is not
an argument.
-Yes, it is.

-No, it's just contradiction.
-No, it isn't.

It is.

Sorry. [clears throat]

-[Palin] "It is not."
-It is not.

[Palin] No, it is not.
You just contradicted me.

-[Cleese] No, I didn't.
-[Palin] Well, you did.

-[Cleese] No, I didn't.
-You did just then.

-[Cleese] No, not at all.
-Oh, this is futile.

-[Cleese] No, it isn't.
-Yes, it is, I came here
for a good argument.

[Cleese] No, you didn't.
You came here for an argument.

An argument isn't just
contradiction.

[Cleese] Well, it can be.

[Palin] John is such
a key factor in the show,

I'm not saying Eric isn't
or any of us aren't,

but John is... is really the--

Eric once said in an interview,
you know,

"We're all funny, and all that,
but on stage, John is the key
man."

Now, you see, this is what
I think is kind of...

Can't we go
to cheese, somehow?

Yes, you could
come back and say,

"Well, I've had a look,
but we don't have any cheese."

Because there aren't
that many...

-Cheese? I've got some cheese.
-You've got some cheese?

-What cheese have you got?
-Anything you want.

And then you go...
No, no, no, no...

-And then we walk off.
-This is pointless.

-I like this.
-Yeah, that's nice.

[Palin] John, I think,
throughout it,

wanted to work very,
very hard to make it work.

He wasn't being difficult.

He was wary of himself
as the oldest of us,

and he had a lot of work to do.

See you next year.
Oops, sorry.

[laughter]

Oooh!

[Idle] They only had
three days rehearsal.

I had them for three days

and Terry Gilliam fucked off
to Paris for one of them

to give interviews on his film!

Which was good, 'cause
he's only a troublemaker.

What?

Michelangelo, the finest
Renaissance artist,

best known for his works

the ceiling
of the Sistine Chapel.

[Gilliam] It's always dangerous
when Python gets back together

because we've been separate
for so long,

each of us becoming
more powerful

in our little sphere
of whatever work we do.

And we are used to people,
you know, doing what we say.

[unintelligible]

What?

Why don't you talk properly?

I'm surprised how nervous I was.

I don't know why, I just felt
uncomfortable doing many things.

Um... and it... it is...

It is partly having to,
you know, deal with John.

He's intimidating.

♪ When I lift 'em
They climb the stairs ♪

♪ And whoo when I shave 'em
They ain't got hairs ♪

[groaning]

Gilliam was always hopeless,
you know,

but he could be very funny.

[Gilliam] The problem with
the stage show for me, it's not

my real contribution to Python,

that's the reality, my best
stuff is up on screen.

This stuff is fun,
you know.

It's nice to be part
of the whole thing,

it's nice to get the audience
laughing and applauding,

but what it does, is put me back
in the mental state I was in

when we were doing the shows
and I was always
in awe of the others.

I just found, their performing,
their writing was so brilliant

and I just felt,
"Well, I'm not good--"

What I do is okay, but what
they do is brilliant, you know.

And that's the weird thing now,

that 30 years later,
I'm back in that mind frame.

Oh, I thought once I was
a rather good filmmaker.

Then I think I made operas,
but it's all gone.

I'm just the guy
who doesn't speak English
as well as they do.

Is that the kind of confession
you were looking for tonight?

[Jones] Monsignor
Jean Paul Reynard,

Padre Robert Henry Noonan

Rabbis Edwin
and Kelly Makepiece Gingolde...

I think, why Python
is memorable,

is because of the mix.

A lot of people thought
we just got together,

took drugs
and wrote the material

and made it up on camera.

Of course it was incredibly
well organised,

everything was carefully
worked out.

[Jones] Mike and I wrote
the bulk of the sketches

and John and Graham would put
in the star sketches.

[Palin] John, I think,
would admit,

John and Graham, that they were

defenders of the more classical,
conventional sketch,

like Dead Parrot, Argument,
things they wrote,
that were absolutely brilliant,

whereas Terry Gilliam,
Terry and myself,

were slightly more concerned
in breaking it up, in saying,

"Do we need to have a tag line?"
and that sort of thing.

[Jones] For the first series,
John was keen on doing
just the sketches,

and the sketches were funny,

but I saw
The Spike Milligan Show.

Well, I think I got the best
out of that joke.

Take the best out of this
one, sailor, whoopee!

Uh...

The 60s was very much
a time when people
are suddenly saying,

"Let's do things that have
never been done before,"

because until then,
television had been kept,

you know, it was
a fairly serious medium.

We at the Foreign
and Commonwealth Office

decided to invent a pill,

which would make you hear the
National Anthem in your mind.

[Jones] And along comes
Spike Milligan,
very, very important.

[laughter]

Spike was having as much fun
with television
as he was with radio.

-It was wonderful.
-Pretty good.

I heard every note!
♪ God save-- ♪

[clucking]

[howling]

I rang up Mike
and Terry Gilliam,

and said, "We can link the
sketches with Terry's animation,

and... we don't need
to finish sketches."

Yes, mothers,
it's time once again

-for Conrad Poohs
and his dancing teeth.
-[fart sound]

I had the freedom
and the restrictions
that are necessary,

in that Gilliam takes over
from this point in the sketch

and gets us to that point
in another sketch.

Okay, so now
I've got goalposts.

But, now, what you do
in-between,
how the game is played,

that's up to me.

[unintelligible mumbling]

[whimsical music]

[man] Ladies and gentlemen,
the most successful
comedy group of all time,

-Monty Python!
-[loud cheers]

Is this unusual, that you
would all be hanging out?

-Very unusual.
-Very unusual.

[Norton] Said with feeling.

We don't get on very well,
really.

One Down, Five To Go.

[laughter]

Two down, four to go.

Artificial knee,
artificial hip.

-I've got two artificial hips.
-That's a good dance routine.

♪ Artificial knee
Artificial hip ♪

You've got two
artificial hips?

No, they're not artificial,
they've replaced them.

Why did you say artificial then?
Doddery old idiot.

I'm leaving,
I can't put up with this.

John despised me for a bit,
you know,

sort of... for the first
series of shows.

-[Norton] Is it all
greatest hits?
-It's all greatest hits, really.

Very old material.

Intertwined with
other people.

-Other...
-[Cleese] Other people?

But, I mean, you know, once
I started directing the films,

he got more respect for me.

You know, there is a
genuine idea called "artistic
differences", you know.

And when you have two people who
have an artistic temperament,

aren't just thinking,
"Well, we'll knock off
at five and have a drink",

but are trying to get
something really right,

then, of course, you are gonna
have fights and arguments.

-Monty...
-Python...

-Reunion...
-Live...

At the O2.

[all] July 2014.

My brain hurts!

Most of us are not
natural best friends.

You would find it
very difficult

to find three people
more different than me,

Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam.

We are just miles... poles apart
in almost everything.

I don't think Terry Gilliam
has ever said anything

that I agreed with.

[Gilliam] One Down, Five To Go
was John's idea.

We agreed we were gonna do this
in alphabetical order,

so Cleese has gotta go
and that'll be the end of it.

[whimsical music]

[Gilliam] By the time
we got to Canada,

that was a little bit more
interesting,

'cause suddenly we are going,
you know, internationally,

and everyone is flying over.

That was the days when you
could sit up in first class

and you could have drinks,
at a little, rounded table.

It was very, very,
very civilised, I think.

Then we get to Canada,
and it just got sillier.

I remember riding the conveyor
belt with the luggage.

Uh, only because,
what else you gonna do?

And we were like rock stars,

and that was the time where
you could be merry japers.

You could be outrageous
and people would find it funny.

We got to Vancouver airport,

and we came through the door

and there was
this scream and cheer!

And we all went...

We all looked behind

'cause we thought some
rock 'n' roll people were
coming.

And then they put us
on an open bus and drove us
into the city centre,

followed by cars hooting
and honking.

I mean it was like...
oh, this is a bit different.

[Gilliam] That was a big
surprise from England,

the scale of getting to Canada,

everything is bigger
and cheering fans.

It was like, this is the stuff
you dream of when you are young,

this is "fame"!

When we went on,
it was rock 'n' roll.

We'd go on stage and they'd
go nuts and just go nuts.

John would get very cross,

"Shut up, we haven't said
anything funny yet!"

Then they'd laugh.

I used to be so much
of a purist,

that I could imagine
I would do that,

'cause for me it was a question
of trying to present

a performance in, as it were,
in a glass case,

that was technically perfect.

That's what I was trying to do,

and over the course of about
40 years, I've discovered

that there's a lot of other ways
of doing it.

[Idle] It was on the plane
from Toronto going west

that John announced, "I'm
not gonna do another series."

I think Terry called me
a traitor and
I remember thinking,

"I'd only said I'd do
television with them",
you know what I mean.

It wasn't sort of...

mixed-mingled my blood
with theirs forevermore.

On one hand,
it was very disappointing.

On the other hand, I began
to think maybe he was right.

We weren't carving
new ground, I felt.

I think we were beginning
to repeat ourselves

and it wasn't quite
as adventurous,
exciting and dangerous.

[Palin] "Monty Python reunite
for rare on-stage show.

Oft-perjured material
is delivered by
the septuagenarians..."

-It's really ageist.
-I know it is ageist.

It's really ageist.
Why keep going on about
the fact that we are 70?

[Gilliam] Because they
work for the Stones.

One of them said,
"They imagined sexual encounters
are clearly beyond them now."

-That's not true, is it Terry?
-[Gilliam] It is.

You're... you're fit.

No, it's all beyond me,
I gave it up years ago.

-I just wanna live.
-So, my gauge is
now a safer place.

Yes, it is a safer place.

What was it... what...

I forgot,
I've gone Terry on you.

So few of the critics
really have any idea
what they are talking about,

and of course they have no idea

that they have no idea
what they are talking about.

But the greatest thing
ever said about the critics,

and it's been true
from the very beginning,

was what Oscar Wilde said,
you know?

He said, "They are like eunuchs.

They watch it every night but
they can't do it themselves."

Almost every review
from broad-minded papers

that would recognise ageism
when they saw it, say,

"At 70, they can
still get on stage."

Of course we can fucking
get on stage, you know?

People at 80...

David Attenborough is 86,
he goes around the world!

It's a silly... it's a cliché
they've fallen into,

this is their sort of
angle on it.

"Gosh, these old
grey beards..."

because, I suppose,
when they first saw the material
we were 27,

so it must be a bit
of a shock.

You only felt the age backstage

when you were trying to get
into your next bit of clothing

and nothing fits
and you are sweating.

That's where the age was.
On stage, we were... kids again.

[dramatic music]

[Cleese] Nobody expected
the Spanish Inquisition!

There have been two I've seen
using the words "homophobia",

what the fuck
are they talking about?

I mean, Camping Up,
that's not homophobic,

You know, Judges is not
homophobic.

I think it's selling the joys
of homosexuality.

I could see that little
curly-headed foreman
of the jury eyeing me!

-Really?
-Oh, yeah, cheeky devil.

I finished up with,
I got really strict:

"The actions
of these vicious men

are a violent stain
upon the community.

Anyway, I finished up...

[audience whistling]

The actions...

Graham basically believed
we were all homosexual,

and we were all just covering it
up in some way or another.

Look, I'm sorry
if I'm interrupting anything

that any of you
may be doing at home,

but I want you to think of me
as an old queen...

friend!

Graham was always outrageous,

he would push things
to the limit

and reveal a lot about people.

Are you suggesting
eating my mother?

-Yeah, not raw, of course.
-What?

You've got a very strange
human being

crawling around under a table

and licking your wife's legs.

[man] Yes, you do.

It's amazing he wasn't beaten up
more often.

[man] What kind of a fellow
is Monty Python, by the way?

He's black.

[man] Black...

And he's homosexual.

-And he's got three wives--
-[man] Speak for yourself!

I was speaking for myself.

I'm sad that he didn't get
to do the O2 show,

but relieved at the same time.

His problem was

that he was always a little
disconnected from reality.

My impersonation of Graham
was always... he'd be doing...

He'd be somewhere else,
you know?

When you were writing with him,
he didn't...

He came and went,

but when he arrived with an idea
or suddenly said something,

he was always rather wonderful.

Graham was always a pain
in the arse on stage,

'cause he always, you know,
was pissed as a fart.

[Chapman] May I just
break in at this point?

Yes, please break in
at this point, sir.

I don't think I've been as bad
on an interview as this,

ever before in my life.

I'm really doing terribly badly,
I'm sorry.

Maybe, later on, I might
be able to say something

and when I can,
I'll try and chip in.

When we first started
the stage tour,

like in Bristol
we were on a stage tour,

and he'd do a sketch with
Michael called Ken Shabby.

[gruffly clears throat]
I clean out public toilets.

Is there a promotion involved?

After five years,
they give me a brush.

I just want
to make sure

that you'll be able to
look after my daughter.

Oh yeah, yeah. I'll be able to
look after her all right, sport.

Aye! Know what I mean?
[gruff laugh]

And Graham was the father,

'cause I was asking for Connie's
hand in marriage, you know.

Sort of, um... "What prospects
do you have?" and all that.

And Graham just didn't come on,

and John brilliantly appeared

half-dressed in the sketch
after that

and did Graham's lines.

He was furious!

He accused us of upstaging him,
and trying to get...

But there was nothing
happening on stage!

So, that was the very bad part
of Graham was the alcoholism,

'cause he would have
tremendous fears of performing.

He'd have the shakes.

Uh, but when he recovered,

um, right around
The Life of Brian,

he was an extraordinary
performer.

Luxury.

We used to have to get out
of the lake at three o' clock
in the morning,

clean the lake,
eat a handful of hot gravel,

work 20 hours a day at mill
for tuppence a month,

come home and dad would beat us
around the head and neck

with a broken bottle
if we were lucky!

[Cleese] Graham Chapman,
co-author of The Parrot sketch
is no more.

He has ceased to be.

Good riddance to him,
the freeloading bastard,
I hope he fries.

[dramatic music]

[God] You people really
pissed me off!

I'm sorry I invented you.

It was a really bad idea.

Sex, sex, sex, that's all
you bloody humans think about.

That and trying to blow smoke
up my arse with endless
prayers.

It's so boring!

Now, this is supposed
to be a funny show,

so, for my sake,
get on with it!

[thunder]

We toured Canada,
2,000 seaters,

and then we did Drury Lane,

which was 4,000 seaters,
we were on for four weeks there.

We had a residency at a theatre,

we weren't having to travel,
which was better.

[Palin] It's a three-cornered
contest between,

from left to right, Alan Jones,

Sensible Party,

Tarquin Fin-tim-lim-bim

lim-bin-bim-bin-bim bus stop
F'tang F'tang
Ole Biscuitbarrel,

Silly Party,

and Kevin Phillips Bong,

who is running
on the Slightly Silly ticket.

I think Floyd came
and the Stones came,
and The Who came.

Bands liked us,

and, in fact, Led Zeppelin,
and Pink Floyd,

were two of the investors
in our first film,Holy Grail.

It was just the thing to do,
see Python,

'cause I think, you know,
they're always on the road,

and they are bored shitless
and play endless comedy tapes.

I remember David Bowie
and Mick Jagger

in a box to the side
of the stage,

you know, so, we had
quite a high-class audience.

I suppose we were in that sense

the first rock 'n' roll
comedy group,
in the sense we were that big.

We were playing in big places,
where rock 'n' roll bands
played.

And then we did City Center
in New York

for about... four weeks or so
and that was huge.

[up-tempo music]

[Cleese] When we
got to New York,

I'll always remember this
on the opening night...

We went on stage,
we got this huge laugh

'cause they recognised
the opening line,

it was a cup final roar
almost,

and then they stopped laughing.

And we played the sketch
to relative silence.

And I thought, "My God,
this is... this is awful."

And suddenly, we did
the last line, cup final roar.

Hurrah!

And I walked off and I said
to a stagehand, "What..."

He said, "It's a pop concert,
it's not a stage show."

And he said, "Come and look."

And he took me,
they have a little bit of gauze
in the front curtain,

and I could see the people
in the audience going...

[mouthing]

They were all doing the lines!

So what are they there for?
They're like a pop concert,

they know the song,
they know the sketch,

but they are there just
to share the occasion.

This is City Center and we end
with "Lumberjack Song",

and George Harrison was in,

and I said, "Why don't you go on
and be a lumberjack?

You know, just come on like
this and be a lumberjack?"

And he did, and he was
very good, nobody noticed.

[Palin] So, the story George
told me, that he,
George Harrison,

had sent a fan letter
to the BBC after the first show

saying, "This is great,"
and all that.

And we never got it,

because someone probably
on BBC desk would've said,

"Oh, yeah, and
I'm the Duke of Edinburgh."

Because The Beatles
were so huge then,

the idea The Beatles liking
a silly comedy show...

You look vaguely Victorian.

What was great about doing the
show, is we don't have to do--

You know, you are not
turning up at a funeral
and doing a memorial speech.

It's like, "Wow, we're still
here, let's do this thing."

-[Palin] Terry Gilliam!
-Gilliam.

Come on,
give me a little hug.

Are you a girl or a boy
at the moment?

-Those are sideburns.
-I wanna know how to hug.

I'm on the cusp. Ooh...

Pythons have always
exchanged insults

and teased each other rotten,
and that's fun.

He's got a better wig
than I've got.

I knew it, I knew it!

You can wear it
after the show.

[laughter]

[Idle] It was the whole spirit
of it, it was very warm.

In the rehearsals,
they could not have been
nicer or more loving.

Are your nipples
enjoying it?

-My nipples are...
-Your nipples are enjoying it.

His nipples
are a very good sign,

you'll see in the interval,
the state of Terry's nipples,

they really are very, very
frisky tonight, aren't they?

Go away! For fuck's sake, it's
like being followed by the CIA!

What do you want to know?
Why do you bother professionals

who are planning
the rest of the show,

to get to grips
with the characters,

the depth of the characters
that we play?

Hello!

[indistinct singing on stage]

♪ It's fun to own
Your own vagina ♪

♪ It's great to have
Your friendly thatch ♪

♪ Your minge, your twat
Your kitty cat ♪

♪ Your nest, your nasty
Or your snatch ♪

♪ It's great to have
A monkey furrow ♪

♪ Your finger pie
Your lunchbox or your catch ♪

♪ Your cameltoe
Your bearded clam ♪

♪ Your bottom at the front ♪

♪ Your monkey minge
Your muffin ♪

♪ Or your old
Sir Berkely Hunt ♪

♪ Your honeypot
Your hairy friend ♪

♪ But never call it "cunt" ♪

♪ Or we won't come back ♪

[knocking on door]

-Come in.
-[man] Come in.

It's the police...
Hello.

You sent it
to print it out.

-What's this?
-[woman] Oh, that was for me.

That's a print out,
you sent it to us.

Okay, thank you.
Special delivery...

-[woman] I think
that was for me.
-It's from John Cleese.

"Dear Eric, I am going
to have another wife..."

Oh, sorry!

[Idle] John is
fiercely intelligent,

and then he's fiercely wilful
so it's like, you know,
a comic Hitler.

Company, today,
you go off to war,

and my God, I wish
I was coming with you.

[laughter]

When I first went to fight,
I had two arms, two good arms,

when the time came to give them,
I gave them, I gave them gladly.

I sang and laughed
as they sawed them off,

because I believe
there was a future for mankind

if men were prepared
to give their limbs.

[Cleese] I was worried about
my chaplain speech

because I thought
I did it alright

but it didn't get much
of a laugh,

because it may be that it sounds
slightly too convincing,

when you talk about a war to end
the next war, you know?

It's the kind of thing
politicians say.

And our children's
children's limbs,

and our children's
children's limbs...

And what about our pets?

Why should those
little bastards get off...

[Chapman] Right, stop that
sketch, I think it's silly.

Now, nobody likes a good laugh
more than I do.

It's algebra, I always say
it's algebra... comedy.

It is not an art, it's science.

"A" plus "B" equals a laugh.

If I do this and I wear this,
and I say this, they will laugh,

that's just a theory,
until they do.

It's provable because
they laugh,

so, you were right
in your theory.

It's more mathematical than it
is, "Oh, I'll just be funny."

Is your wife a goer?

Know what I mean,
know what I mean,
nudge, nudge,

know what I mean, say no more?

I beg your pardon?

Your wife, does she...
does she go, eh, does she go?

Know what I mean,
know what I mean, eh?

Well, she sometimes
has to go, yes.

I bet she does,
I bet she does,

say no more, say no more,
know what I mean, nudge, nudge.

It has its own logic to it,

and sometimes you can adjust it
if they don't laugh,

and you say,
"I'm sure that's funny,"

it's because you haven't quite
put the word order
in the right sense,

so that it goes flash into their
brains all at the same time.

There's an example...

My Lord, I really must protest
at your shooting my client.

Damn you!

I'm in charge of this court!
Stand up!

Sit down!

-Go "moo".
-[all] Moo.

See? Order in the skating vicar.
and on with the pixie hats.

And everybody sing!

♪ Anything goes in ♪

♪ Anything goes out ♪

♪ Fish, bananas, old pyjamas ♪

♪ Mutton, beef and trout ♪

[Cleese] I still think
you should instruct us
to do one more thing.

'Cause I remember this was
one of the moments I heard

that I cried with laughter
watching you on the box.

Stand up, sit down, go moo...

And I think
we should have one other.

And then reverse
those lines, saying,

"On with the pixie hats and
order in the skating vicar."

Stand up!

Sit down!

-Go "moo".
-[all] Moo.

Sit up!

[laughter]

Now, on with the pixie hats...

[Jones] Robert Browning,
describing the metaphor,

he says, "You take an image
and another image

and combine them
and they make a star."

♪ Old pyjamas ♪

♪ Mutton, beef and trout ♪

I think you make laughs by that,
combining two images

and, um...
that's my theory of comedy.

Hello, I wish to register
a complaint.

Hello, Miss?

What do you mean, "Miss"?

I am sorry, I have a cold.

I wish to make a complaint.

Sorry, we are closing
for lunch.

Never mind that, my lad, I wish
to complain about this parrot

what I purchased
not half an hour ago

from this very boutique.

On the recording
of the first parrot sketch,

it didn't get that much
of a reception

from the studio audience,
it's very interesting.

Look, my lad, I know a dead
parrot when I see one,

and I'm looking at one
right now.

No, no, it's not dead,
it's restin'!

And I think it started
to become... a thing,

something special, that you
would say now "iconic",

when we started doing it
on stage.

Testing, testing...

This is your nine o'clock
alarm call!

[audience roars with laughter]

Now that's what I call
a dead parrot.

He's stunned!

You assured me that
its total lack of movement

was due to it being tired
and shagged out

following a prolonged squawk.

Well, it may be pining
for the fjords.

[all snickering]

Pining for the fjords?

The biggest single surprise

was that we started to find the
material funny when we read it.

We'd never expected it.

And suddenly, Mike and I were
doing the dead parrot sketch

and everyone
was laughing genuinely,

it was an extraordinary thing.

Well, I'd better
replace it, then.

You can't say...

[all laugh]

[Idle] Palin can
still crack him up,

and John said
something quite nice,

he said, Eddie Izzard
had said to him

after the first night,

"Don't worry, everybody knows
how the sketch should go,

it's a joy to see it
not going properly.

We haven't seen that."

And that relaxed John

about giggling
and corpsing occasionally.

But the focus, his
concentration is really good,

he can bring it right
into the moment

and make you wait
for his sense of timing

when he feels it's right
to say the next line.

[clears throat]

Do you...

[snickers]

Do...

These people...

they've got homes to go to.

[audience laughs]

So...

In that case, why don't you
come up with a punchline?

[laughter]

I'm waiting...
I'm pausing for effect.

[stifling laughter]

So, I'll...

-I'll just say...
-Oh, come on...

Do you wanna come back
to my place?

Oh...

It's kind of like
the audience have been let in

to the private world of Python

and the relationships...

particularly between
John and Mike,

which is banned in many
countries that relationship,

but not here luckily.

The corpsing thing has to be
used very, very carefully.

If you are laughing
before the audience laugh,

then they are just
not going to like it

and it looks unprofessional.

And very often with Python
sketches,

the essence of the sketch,

was holding a completely
serious front.

John is marvellous at that,

just always looks absolutely
totally serious.

And that was so funny,

so you had to be very,
very careful to debunk that,

but also, it does mean
that when John begins to go,

when he's being serious,
it's very, very funny.

And what's this one,
Spring Surprise?

Ah, that's our speciality.

"Covered in dark,
rich smooth chocolate,

when you pop it
into your mouth..."

Let me read that for you...

"...stainless steel bolts
spring out

and plunge straight
through both cheeks."

Where's the pleasure in that--

[all laughing]

Pull yourself together,
constable!

Sorry, sir.

Or you'll be a constable
ex-parrot.

Where are we,
can you remember?

[laughter continues]

John Cleese, he said to us,
we're in the Tardis,

John says, "Alright,
the first person to giggle

gets to pay £10,000
to charity."

He didn't even get through
the first sketch.

-Come out, Phil!
-I'm out.

Come out, come out!

Interesting thing is that
most of the people

who come to the meet and greet

are usually
from America or Canada.

Or, occasionally,
one from Spain,

we had one bloke from Sheffield,

there's always a Finn, there's
always someone from Finland.

Python's lawsuit cost us
a whole pile of money,

so the Python
pension fund was...
[makes slurping sound]

And John, you know,
with his flagrant lifestyle...

um... he needed money,

and Terry needed...
I mean, that's what--

I think so many people
don't think we were serious

when we said it was about
Terry's mortgage, but it was.

...just a pain, John.

...being back in his dressing
room is just pain.

I thought
we were gathering in here.

Just pain that John
is in his dressing room.

"It is a pain" or
"he's in pain"?

-No, it's a pain.
-It's a pain, okay.

[Gilliam] He's not
participating in the group.

No, he's just...

[Idle] We'll give Terry
a glass of champagne.

Give him a glass
of hot Beaujolais or something.

[man] This question
is for Terry Gilliam.

You may not even remember this,
but a few years back

you were in Philadelphia,
and you fell off a horse

and were kicked in the head
by a horse...

-Yes.
-Do you remember that?

-You were that horse?
-No!

That was my horse.

-Are you serious?
-Yes, of course.

Luke, the horse
was called Luke.

Yes, the horse was called Luke.

You bastard!

He was actually aiming
for Cleese,

I don't know what happened.

[man #2] My mother has always
said, that you and her met

about 42 years ago.

-Yes, I remember.
-[audience laughing]

[man continues] Now that you
have vaguely insinuated

that you remember the name,

Yes, I do...

I am rather tall...

In Calgary.

And I do walk funny.

[woman] My name is Sandy,

I actually have a question
for Terry Gilliam.

Oh, God.
Are you sure?

[Sandy] Sorry?

Getting kicked in the head
by a horse.

-Are you from Philadelphia?
-[Sandy] I am.

And maybe you were filming there
Twelve Monkeys

and you got a gash
on the head from a horse?

Yes, that's true,
was it your horse?

[Sandy] I'm the vet
of that horse.

You're the vet of that horse?

[man] Hi, my name is
Manuel from Portugal.

-[laughter]
-[Idle] Whoa!

I'm...

I'd just like to ask if anyone
has any elaboration

on why you're retiring now
as opposed to earlier or later,

and, if possibly
you might reconsider,

I'm sure you've heard that
from thousands of people,

but it's a question of doing it
out of duty to us

because nobody else
can do what you do.

What the fuck do we owe you?

[whimsical fanfare]

[Idle] July 1980 was the last
time we performed live.

The idea that Python would play
the Hollywood Bowl,

it was like a Frank Sinatra
venue, you know.

So, it always made us laugh,
Monty Python, Live
at the Hollywood Bowl

was already a comic title
for us.

What happened at the Bowl is
for the first time we had
the close-up cameras.

Now you can talk
to 6,000 people,

because they can see you,
they are all watching
television together

is actually what
they're really doing.

[Cleese] We had four nights,
I think.

The Hollywood Bowl.

What I suddenly realised,

was what a wonderful sketch
performer Eric had become.

I saw your advert
in the blassified ads.

The what?

In The TimesBlassified Ads.

Ah, The TimesClassified Ads?

Yes, that's right, I'm afraid
I have a speech impediment.

I can't pronounce
the letter "B".

I never thought he wasn't
very good before then,

I had always thought
he was very good,

but when he did
the Hollywood Bowl,

it was as though
he'd somehow grown

and he was a bigger presence
that he'd ever been before.

Can you say the letter "K"?

Oh, yes.
Khaki, kettle, Kipling,

Khomeini, Kellogg's Born Flakes.

Well, why don't you say
the letter "K"

instead of the letter "C"?

What, you mean, pronounce
"blassified" with a "K"?

Yes, absolutely.

-Klassified.
-Good.

Oh, it's very good! I never
thought of that before.

What a silly bunt.

I remember I had to do
the Travel Agent

and I went right amongst them,

I'd stand on them and go
through them, it was really fun.

And they'd love it.
I'd just trod on them.

"Oh, he trod on me!"
[laughs]

...waiting to take you to the
hotel hasn't yet been built!

When you finally get to
the half-built Algerian ruin

called the Hotel Limassol...

[Gilliam] The Hollywood Bowl
was great fun.

We were so at ease
in those days.

There's no water in the bath,
there's no water in the tap,

there's only a bleeding lizard
in the bidet...

[Palin] We were all
youngish then, we were
kind of up for it.

Life of Brianhad been
a great success,

a success d'estime anyway,

and so we were riding
a bit of a wave then.

Tonight, on World Forum
we are deeply privileged

to have with us Karl Marx,

the founder of modern socialism
and author of
The Communist Manifesto.

[audience cheering]

Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, better
known to the world as Lenin,

leader of the Russian
Revolution,

writer, statesman, and father
of modern socialism.

[Cleese] The loveliest thing
anyone ever said to me
about Python,

was that, "I cannot watch
the news afterwards

and take it seriously."

And I think it's very important
that we see

that we shouldn't be
taking most of it seriously

because I don't think
these people have any idea
what they're doing.

Jerry Lee Lewis has had
over 17 major solid gold hits
in the U.S. of A.

What's the name of the biggest?

That to me is always
what Python was about,

trying to encourage
people to think.

It's always been important
to me,

whether the silliness,
the intellectual jokes,

the, uh--
just breaking barriers,

trying to get people
to look at the world,

see the absurdity
of so much of it,

see the humour
in the most small things.

[buzzer]

Yes, Mao Tse-tung?

"Great Balls of Fire"?

Yes, it was indeed.

Use your brain,
use these things.

That was essential to Python,
as far as I was concerned.

And causing offence
was part of that.

It's to shock people, to shock
them out of their complacency,

their timidity,
their caution in life.

Be bold, fall on your face
a couple of times,

it doesn't hurt that badly,
you bounce back up, it's okay.

We now come on
to a consideration

of the more sophisticated
transitive mode of japing

in which, as we'll observe,
the operator, or inceptor,

remains totally unaware
of the humorous implications
of his action.

First...
First, we are to see

the simple sideswipe
or "wop."

Hey, Vance!

[Cleese] I once interviewed
the Dalai Lama.

What he said, he liked laughter
because he said,

"When people laugh,
they can change their minds."

And I think that's right,

the more anxious we are, the
more we hang on to our beliefs,

you know, if you think
of the fundamentalists,

whatever religion
we are talking about,

the way they hang on
to their beliefs,

they miss the point.

-Are you the church police?
-[all] Oh, yes!

There's another dead bishop
on the landing, vicar sergeant!

Detective Parson, madam.

What is he, RC or C of E?

How should I know?

It's tattooed on the back
of their neck.

If you are really out there,

thinking we can change
this place

into something other
than a madhouse

I think you are wasting
your energy.

But if you can make 12 or 15
lives just a little bit better,

in some small way, then I think
you are doing your job.

♪ Life can be fine
If we both 69 ♪

♪ If we sit on our faces in all
Sorts of places and play ♪

♪ 'Till we're blown away ♪

[Palin] Throughout the world,
there are groups,
there are people,

religions, there are companies,

which are desperately
trying to control

exactly what we are,
what we think,

they say, "This is the way
you should do it,

and we are just saying,
"No, it isn't. Up yours."

-So, Mike's in there...
-I'll come right out.
I'll just drop this off.

Brilliant. Oh, there he is,
there he is, Eric.

I'm transformed once again
into my mother.

God bless her.

She's been gone a long time
but suddenly she's come back.

-You are?
-A friend of Mike's.

Ah! He always liked
the cheeky chappy.

He always had a feeling
for the cheeky chappy.

This is hilarious.

It's your new
documentary career.

Thank you very much.

I suggest a tour around
the world but in drag.

How long will it take
for people to notice?

-I'll be right with you.
-[Palin] Okay.

One afternoon,
Eric just called me and said,

"Look, we've got problems

because, UK TV who are putting
out the show live,

are worried about
certain elements

which are gonna be before
the watershed which is 9:00."

They wouldn't put on
the "Penis Song",
the "Vagina Song",

and so we were able
to control at least

one of the gaps in the show.

I wrote a sketch very quickly.

I said,
"Michael would be great,"

to apologise for it,

so I wrote him some text
and said, "Would you do this

and we'll shoot it tomorrow?"
He said, "Absolutely."

[Palin] Right.

-Who's first?
-[man] Should we go through
the timing of this?

-Yes.
-[man, indistinct]

That's the thing Python's always
had problems with, really,

yeah, it's like censorship
or anything like that.

It seems to us
just a challenge. It shouldn't
be happening to us,

we've got to find
a way around it.

...and then sort
of gently come out...

The first two genitalia parts
of the body such as the "bleep",

and the particularly
naughty "bleep",

with the understanding
not be transmitted

before the watershed,
below the water line.

And some words like "bleep",

which may never be transmitted
on television,

quite rightly at any time,

although I have one, a "bleep",
that is, not a television.

I think it's funny if you are
actually saying the words,

we have to bleep you for
apologising for using the words.

Yes.

'Cause it's confusing
with the "bleep"

when you are saying it
all the time.

Three, two, one, action.

Hello, my name
is Daphne Fielding.

Unfortunately, the Python boys

are using some rather vile
language, just at the moment,

in a particularly rude song
which refers to genitalia

-and parts of the body
such as the...
-[ship's horn]

-...and particularly,
the naughty...
-[party favour blows]

...which, as you understand,
may not be transmitted
before the watershed.

The watershed
is a television term

introduced by top people
in television

to mean nine o'clock,

which, of course, is the cut-off
point between when decent people
go to bed

and angry perverts and other
people of twisted mentality

are left to watch television
after nine o'clock.

[clears throat]
And, of course, there are some
words they are using like...

cunt, yes, cunt,

which may never be transmitted
on television quite rightly.

Although, I have one myself,

a television, of course,
not a cunt.

Anyway, here to keep you going

is something
I particularly like,

a picture of some sheep.

[Idle] He's just amazing
at improvising.

He's wonderful,
he's the best improviser.

He adlibbed
three different versions

of what was basically,
you know, the same joke,

just completely off the top
of his head, which is lovely.

Bravo, here he comes now.

In the guise
of an older man.

Oh, dear,
I had to drop the drag.

-That was really funny.
-I was enjoying that.

Yeah, it was
really good.

You've got to get
into the swing of it.

-It was superb.
-Good. Okay.

You had a lot of bleeping,

what happens when
you bleep "cunt" and
all that sort of stuff?

Anyone who can lip read
will know.

But I don't think the watershed
applies to lip-reading,
so we'll see.

[whimsical music]

Not another show, is it?

It goes on and on, I feel
we've been in this ten years.

-Do you feel that?
-[Idle] What's that, love?

I feel we've been doing this
for ten years.

-Haven't we?
-Yes.

-We were young when we started.
-Yes, and now look at us...

And you were John Cleese.

Really? I thought I felt
a little unwell.

[laughs]

[music plays]

[indistinct chattering]

Who would've thought
40 years ago

we'd all be sitting here
doing Monty Python, eh?

[all] Aye.

Bit quieter tonight, we think.
Do you think?

No, I would take it
personally if I were you.

You think that?

No, I do think it's been--

-It was so big at the start...
-Yeah.

...and then,
where's it gonna go?

It can't go up from there,
it sort of drifts down...

-They've burnt themselves out
in the first five minutes.
-Is that it?

It wasn't-- We didn't
burn ourselves out?

No, no, no, I think
the audience is not fit.

-It's not our fault.
-It's not fit for this show.

-Anyway, here's John now.
-Oh, sorry. He'll tell.

Yeah.

[both chuckle]

They were laughing
in some places.

Sometimes you sense
the audience laughing more
at the familiar stuff,

other nights they love
the stuff that goes wrong,

that hasn't happened before,

and I can't figure
this lot out at all,

-but it's been unbelievably
hot today.
-Yeah.

So, they may have got in
and get excited

and later start feeling
a little bit tired.

They're probably tired.
It does make you tired,
doesn't it,

all this stuff,
makes me tired.

What's going on?
'Cause nobody's laughing.

They were listening,
there's no question about that,

Laughter is the fuel
for the Pythons...

without laughter they die,

sad, horrible old men,

withering away
in their lonely mansions.

We found out why
they went quiet in Act I.

It's very simple, put
lights on the audience.

'Cause when they wanna
film it tomorrow,

they want big shots
of the audience,

but that's not what
the fucking thing is about.

When you put lights
on the audience,

they stop being an audience.

They are individuals in lights
and they hate it,
and you just lose them.

So that's what happened,
it wasn't the heat or anything.

So, we are rather cross tonight,
and heads will roll.

[organ plays]

Breaking news, Monty Python are
reuniting for the last time...

[all speaking in
foreign languages]

[crowd chants] Python! Python!

[all] Oh, we do love
Monty Python!

To me it's amazing
to have the opportunity
to see them actually live.

[Palin] We were under more
pressure on the last night
than on the previous nights,

because we were being filmed

and it was going out
to 1,800 cinemas worldwide.

This was really important to get
this absolutely right.

[man] John, come in a little bit
more, that's lovely.

That's good.

I think that the conclusion
of it was really important,

and when Mike who didn't want
to do it anymore,

was offered untold wealth
to tour America

and South Africa and Australia,

when he said no,
I was very grateful

and I said, "Jim, we'll make it
the last night of Python."

[indistinct chattering]

I think this is a very finite,
ten days... and it works.

Brings it
to a nice close.

There you are, good luck.

Thank you so much, my darling,
it's been a pleasure.

Michael...

I need you to sign these
two wonderful hard-backed...

Do you have a signing device?

Yes, yes,
put that in your fingers.

-I've got to take the top off.
-That's the hard bit.

Now, all these ladies are coming
into my dressing room...

-What's going on here?
-Come on, Terry.

[women laughing]

After the way you treat me
on stage...

-Do you know the sketch?
-I do.

-Okay, good.
-I know every sketch.

You know everything
about it.

For the show, he is on stage
with ten ensemble dancers

in Agent Provocateur lingerie.

-Right, you got my memo?
-I did.

-Black lace, is that right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Am I wearing the chaps
with the ass cut out?

-Fantastic.
-Leather, white leather.

-Pleather.
-Pleather?

-Yeah.
-Sorry, sorry...

Couldn't all go right,
could it?

It doesn't matter,
you know what?

It's the red M&Ms,
that's all.

["I Like Traffic Lights" plays]

[chorus vocalizes]

♪ I like traffic lights ♪

♪ I like traffic lights ♪

♪ I like traffic lights ♪

♪ I like traffic lights ♪

♪ I like traffic lights ♪

I had a phone call
from my daughter
who lives in Buenos Aires,

who is off to the local cinema
in Buenos Aires to watch it.

It's incredible,
we're absolutely everywhere.

[cheers and applause]

-Crazy wig room.
-That was my nickname in school.

-Crazy wig?
-Yeah.

My theory begins now...

Ahem.

All brontosauruses
are thin at one end,

much thicker in the middle

and then thin
at the far end again,

that is my theory
and what it is,

and it belongs to me too,
and it's mine.

I like a nice gin
before I go on.

-[man] One minute.
-Great for the performance.

-What do you want?
-Well, I...

Don't give me that!

You snotty-faced heap
of parrot droppings!

Shut your festering gob, you
tit! Your type makes me puke!

You vacuous, stuffy,
malodorous, old pervert!

Look, I came here
for an argument.

Oh, I'm sorry,
this is abuse.

-Oh...
-[laughter]

-Do I take my lipstick off?
-No, you keep it on.

-Next one.
-Oh, that's right.

Oh, yes, oh...

[unintelligible audio
from the stage]

[Cleese] Excuse me...

[man moans lecherously]

[quiet, indistinct chatter]

Sure.

[indistinct conversation
on stage]

[man, lecherously]
Mmm, that's better.

-Oh, yes, it is.
-[cars honking]

[brakes squeal, crash]

[honking continues]

[fanfare music]

[Cleese] Albatross!

[audience cheering]

Albatross!

Albatross!

Two choc-ices, please.

I haven't got any choc-ices,
I only got the albatross.

[Jones] Do you get
wafers with it?

[Cleese] Course you don't get
fucking wafers with it.

It's an albatross!

You're disgusting,
you're not even
a proper woman.

Don't you oppress me, mate.

[Cleese] It was
an emotional event

and the emotions
were almost all positive.

which is very rare.

The sense of general benevolence
was just extraordinary.

Looks very ordinary to me,

could just be an ordinary guy
off the street,

could be a celebrity,
five, four, three, two, one!

Off with the bag!

Oh, my God!

Oh, wow!

Oh...

[audience cheering]

International Man of Mystery
himself,

this is a great moment,
but, Mike...

-Mike...
-Yes?

We're both Mike, so I can
Mike... I can Mike with you.

-You're on "Blackmail"...
-Yes.

What's gone wrong?

You mean,
what's gone right?

I'm on stage with you.

Oh, well,
we want you to confess,

'cause this is "Blackmail",
we know you've been in trouble,

so, if there's anything you want
to share with the audience,

now it's your time.

I wanna share
how incredibly honoured I am

to be on stage
with Monty Python,

the greatest comedy troupe
in the history
of the English language!

And...

And there may be photographs
of me with German shepherds.

Oh, wow!

He's too nice a guy. Thank you
for coming on the show.

Oh, that's it? Okay.

[Palin] Thank you all
from "Blackmail".

See you next week, okay!

If somebody had said to me

when I was 14 in Toronto,
you know...

Amazing.

Beyond...

[man] Is there anybody else
in that category?

-In comedy?
-Yes.

No. No. Nobody.

They're the Mac Daddy, dude.

Ladies and gentleman,

tonight the show is going live

all around the world,
amazingly enough.

So, wherever you are watching,

would you please all join us

all the way around the world

in saying farewell to us

by singing this little ditty?

♪ Some things in life are bad ♪

♪ They can really
Make you mad ♪

♪ Other things just make you
Swear and curse ♪

♪ When you're chewing
On life's gristle ♪

♪ Don't grumble
Give a whistle ♪

♪ And this'll help things
Turn out for the best ♪

♪ And always look on
The bright side of life ♪

[all whistle]

Come on!

♪ Always look on
The bright side of life ♪

[Jones] It felt emotional,
the last night.

It was sad, really.

Being a Python was a great shot
in the arm for me.

♪ When you're feeling
In the dumps ♪

♪ Don't be silly chumps ♪

I think I will now reveal
the truth...

My secret fear is
that I will want more of it.

Your ego is this huge,
massive thing waiting.

"More, give me more!"

♪ Bright side of life ♪

Gosh, we did it,
we pulled it off, it's over,

but I'm glad we ended
on a big high note,

rather than in some
embarrassing hall,

somebody has a heart attack
and they can't go on.

But seriously, that's how
all show business ends.

♪ Give the audience a grin ♪

[Cleese] Dear old Graham,
he loved being a star.

He loved the whole business
of show business,

and I think if he could've been
out on stage

he would've had
a wonderful time.

[Palin] I remember
interviewing Spike Milligan,

I was trying to say to Spike
what people say to us,

"What does it feel like
to have done the Goons shows?"

And Spike said, "You know,
it was like...

one good summer."

Yeah. So moving.

[chuckles] You know...

One good summer,
I know what that means.

[all holding note]

[circus music plays]

[indistinct chattering]

I'm so glad you came, yes.

She's the youngest member
of the audience, I think.

Yes...

On my way back from Cambridge,
when we shot you,

we said, "We came
all this way to Cambridge

to see the most brilliant man
in the world

and we did a gag with him."

[Idle] I want very much to
release Stephen Hawking singing

"The Galaxy Song" as a single

I think that is a definite
must for England,

and then I wondered if we
couldn't get him singing

"The Lumberjack Song",

and then maybe "Sit On My Face",
but maybe that's a step too far.

[Cleese] I quite like
getting older

because you don't worry
so much about things,

and you begin to realise
what an utter madhouse

the whole world is.

It was so extraordinary,
so phenomenal,

so vast, world encompassing,
world spanning,

and it's over.

The guy going up the street
the other day

as I was just walking
through London,

he just points his finger at me,
he says, "Legend".

Mind you, he then fell off
the pavement.

[music continues]

["The Galaxy Song"]

[Hawking] ♪ Whenever life
gets you down, Mrs. Brown ♪

♪ And things seem hard,
or tough ♪

♪ When people are stupid,
obnoxious or daft ♪

♪ And you feel that you've had
quite enough... ♪

♪ Just remember that
you're standing on a planet ♪

♪ That's evolving ♪

♪ And revolving at
900 miles an hour ♪

♪ It's orbiting at 19 miles
a second, so it's reckoned ♪

♪ The Sun that is the source of
all our power ♪

♪ The Sun and you and me, and
all the stars that we can see ♪

♪ Are moving
at a million miles a day ♪

♪ In an outer spiral arm,
at 400,000 miles an hour ♪

♪ In the galaxy we call
the Milky Way ♪

♪ Our Galaxy itself
contains 500 billion stars ♪

♪ It's 100,000 light-years
side-to-side ♪

♪ It bulges in the middle,
6,000 light-years thick ♪

♪ But out by us it's just
a thousand light-years wide ♪

♪ We're 30,000 light-years from
galactic central point ♪

♪ We go round
every 200 million years ♪

♪ And our galaxy is only one of
millions of billions ♪

♪ In this amazing and
expanding universe ♪

♪ The universe itself keeps on
expanding and expanding ♪

♪ In all of the directions
it can whizz ♪

♪ As fast as it can go, at the
speed of light, you know ♪

♪ 12 million miles a minute ♪

♪ And that's the fastest speed
there is ♪

♪ So remember ♪

♪ When you're feeling
very small and insecure ♪

♪ How amazingly unlikely
is your birth ♪

♪ Pray that there's intelligent
life somewhere up in space ♪

♪ Because there's bugger all
down here on Earth ♪