Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,680
This series looks at life in one
of Britain's busiest airports.
2
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,800
On today's show, Flylo owner
Omar Baba takes on his rivals.
3
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,040
British Airways, you are the son
of a whore. I spit on you.
4
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:17,440
Fearghal's flight hits turbulence.
Is that your wee sick bag?
5
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,800
Someone had lasagne, didn't they?
6
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,240
And Friends' star David Schwimmer
has trouble at Customs.
7
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:32,074
Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm
8
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,320
Good morning, good morning...
9
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:06,000
It's 8am and airline owner Omar Baba
is launching an unbelievable
transatlantic deal.
10
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:11,240
Today I announce the launch of
the Flylo £1 flight to New York!
11
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,840
Yes, you are correct!
£1 to New York City.
12
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,320
(With a small booking fee of £480.)
13
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:23,240
In an effort to make
his service more attractive
to business passengers,
14
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:28,720
Omar is introducing brand new
flat beds across his entire fleet.
15
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:34,480
OK, it looks like normal seat,
but is a flat bed at the press
of the button.
16
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,040
Well, good night.
17
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,560
Wake me up when we get to Birmingham.
18
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:57,520
HE SNORES
19
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:08,960
The early morning Our Lady Air
flight from Cork has hit turbulence,
20
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:14,320
but cabin crew member Fearghal
is quick to reassure his passengers.
21
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,720
Hello, is your name Holly?
22
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,480
Your mummy tells me you've
been feeling a wee bit scared,
is that right?
23
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,480
Yeah, she just gets
a bit frightened, especially
with all the turbulence.
24
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:29,520
Oh, you don't need to worry
about that. That's just like
a wee little pocket of air.
25
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,400
Like driving along a bumpy road.
You see? Yeah.
26
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:37,320
I've got somebody who's going
to look after you, would you
like to meet him? Yeah?
27
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:43,600
Hello, my names Brandon O'Bear,
I'd like to be your best friend.
28
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,400
Say thank you. Thank you.
29
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,960
35 euro.
30
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,560
Next, please.
31
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:54,880
Meanwhile,
over at the Flylo check-in, Melody
is faced with a common problem.
32
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:58,760
Oh, I'm sorry, madam, your case is
too heavy to go in the hold, madam.
33
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:03,280
I'm going to have to ask you, madam,
to remove some items from the case,
please, madam.
34
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,440
Madam.
35
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,200
How's that now?
36
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,880
Still over, I'm afraid, madam.
37
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:22,840
'All we hear from passengers
is that they don't like
the new baggage allowance rules,'
38
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,840
but honestly, what do you really
need to take on holiday?
39
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,680
Some Hawaiian Tropic,
a couple of pairs of bikini bottoms
40
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,160
and a pregnancy testing kit.
41
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:36,200
I'm very sorry, madam, it's still
too heavy. How much over is it?
42
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,240
Five kilos. New Flylo rules.
43
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:42,240
New baggage allowance is outlined
very clearly on the Flylo website,
madam.
44
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,000
I was just about
to tell the lady that.
45
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,600
What my colleague should have
informed you, madam, is that it
does state very clearly
46
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,560
on the Flylo website that before you
travel you do need to check
the Flylo website, madam.
47
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,680
I didn't realise. www.Flylo.co.uk...
Right.
48
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,480
.com.org.net.com... Right.
49
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:04,600
Then .com again. It's very simple,
www.Flylo.co.uk.com.org.net.com.com.
50
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,200
Yes, thank you, Keeley.
Always happy to help, Melody.
51
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,320
Still over, I'm afraid.
52
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,360
Ah! That's fine now, madam.
Have a good flight. Next, please.
53
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,440
Since they've both been up
for the job of check-in manager,
54
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,160
tensions have arisen
between the two best friends.
55
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,320
If I get promoted as
check-in manager, well,
56
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,520
when I get promoted
as check-in manager,
57
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,720
I'm going to use the extra money
to have a breast enhancement.
58
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,480
I actually had mine done
when I was 12.
59
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,080
I could only afford to get one done,
so I had this one done at Christmas.
60
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:45,080
I went from a D to an F, but
if I get promoted I can have
this one done as well.
61
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:49,880
Yeah, see if you can do a deal
with the surgeon and get him to
do your face at the same time.
62
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:56,320
On the other side of the airport,
Flylo employee Taaj has just been
told of a serious plane malfunction.
63
00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,560
See what happened was was we was just
getting the plane out of the hanger
64
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,880
and the wing fell off, so what
they've got to do is stick
the wing back on the plane,
65
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,040
but they've got to get themselves
some special aeroplane glue, isn't
it?
66
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,760
So there's going to be a little bit
of a delay, but thing is, I don't
want to tell passengers this
67
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,760
because it might make them
tiny bit nervous,
68
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,920
so I've just been thinking of other
things that I can tell them instead.
69
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,800
Excuse me?
70
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,360
Yes, boss? What's the delay?
71
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:27,000
Erm, a volcano has erupted
in Bradford and is spewing
out all ash and that.
72
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,520
We've had a phone call from a women
who lives near the airport,
73
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:34,440
and she's having a barbeque today,
and she says please can we have
74
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,640
no planes flying overhead
because it's a bit noisy.
75
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,000
We've run out of Appletize,
so it's not safe to travel.
76
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,800
The pilot parked the plane and he
can't remember where he left it.
77
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,760
One of the stewards has got eczema
so it would be a bit risky, isn't it?
78
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:51,000
It's quite dark and the pilot is
worried about flying the plane
in case he can't see anything.
79
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,480
Oh, really? Yeah, really, how would
you like to fly a plane at night?
80
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:59,000
The pilot's still at home.
He's watching Avatar on DVD and
didn't realise how long it was.
81
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,880
One of the stewards is a batty boy
and he's just found out
82
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:06,680
his boyfriend's been bumming
someone else and he's just crying
and crying, so we can't fly.
83
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,080
That's ridiculous.
I want a full refund.
84
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,720
But we cannot give a refund because
it is an act of God, isn't it?
How is that an act of God?
85
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,920
God made him batty.
86
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,840
Come on, come on, boy.
87
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:21,440
Mickey and Buster, the airport's
paparazzi, have just received
88
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,240
a tip-off that a very important
passenger is about to touch down.
89
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,720
Her Majesty the Queen.
90
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,400
Yeah, love the Queen.
Lovely old Queen.
91
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,000
Thing about the Queen is she's done
nothing but good for this country,
92
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,240
and when you see her on a postage
stamp you can't help thinking,
93
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,280
"Oh! She's a fine looking woman."
I would. I would an' all.
94
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,680
In fact, I'd take a photo of you
doing it. That's very kind of you.
95
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,920
Be lovely to have a memento.
Yeah, I'm a traditional royalist,
you know what I mean?
96
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,600
When the National Anthem comes on,
I'm always first on my feet. Yeah.
97
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:56,200
♪ God save our gracious dum
Long live our noble dum
98
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,320
♪ Dum dum dum Queen
99
00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:02,240
♪ Land of hope and dum dum.
100
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,480
♪ Rule Bri-dum dum
♪ Britannia rules the dum... ♪
101
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,640
PHONE RINGS
102
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,240
Oh, hold up, what's going on?
103
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,200
Who is it? Hello, hello. Oh,
you're joking. Who is it? Who is it?
104
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,400
Who's joking? Oh, you're joking.
You're having a laugh!
Who's having a laugh?
105
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,680
The Queen has got straight
off her plane into her Daimler.
106
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:24,480
She's half way round the M25.
We're not going to get a picture now.
She's gone right up herself.
107
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:28,200
I can't help thinking this whole
Queen thing's has gone to her head.
Cow.
108
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,840
All we was going to do was get
a nice little shot of her,
109
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,720
crown on her head,
corgi either side,
showing a nice of bit of cleavage...
110
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,920
Boom, 50 quid from the Daily Star.
111
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,960
And if she's showing a bit of leg,
we could flog it to Nuts Magazine.
But no.
112
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,440
No, she's forgetting the fans.
People like us who put
her where she is today.
113
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:48,080
These celebrities complain about the
paparazzi, but it's a two-way street,
ain't it?
114
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:53,320
Yeah, it's a two way street.
Would she still be Queen
if we didn't photograph her?
115
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,960
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose she would yeah...
116
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,440
Yeah, she's the Queen after all.
Yeah. Yeah.
117
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,040
Ian Foot is the airport's
chief immigration officer.
118
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:12,760
His job is to prevent illegal
immigrants from entering the UK.
119
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,600
Working in immigration,
120
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,960
you do sometimes get labelled
with the racism tag.
121
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:22,760
I do take my job very seriously,
but I'm not in any way racist.
122
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:27,880
In fact, one of my best friends
is friends with a man who's black.
123
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,960
And he's very black.
124
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,080
Oh, yeah. Man, he's black, yeah.
125
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,720
Earlier today, Ian stopped
a passenger at passport control
126
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,680
whom he believes is trying to gain
unlawful access into the country.
127
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,520
Do you understand
128
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,120
why I have brought you here?
129
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,360
No, I don't.
130
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:57,200
Well, it's clear to me that you've
got a forged passport.
131
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,600
No, I haven't.
Oh, it's a forgery, all right.
132
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,480
A very good one, I'll grant you that.
133
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,080
But, er, there is one slight
giveaway. And what is that?
134
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:11,400
There is no such country as Liberia.
Yes, there is, it's in Africa.
135
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:12,760
Oh, in Africa, you say.
136
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,880
It's on a map, look on a map.
137
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,800
All right, I will look on a map.
138
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,240
Yeah, I think I'm going
to enjoy this.
139
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,000
Right.
140
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,360
Liberia, you say? Yes.
141
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,320
We've got a new one, Chris, Liberia.
142
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,960
Africa. Africa.
143
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,440
Africa... Africa, Right, OK.
144
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:38,000
So, Mrs Mbutu,
145
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,680
would you be so kind as to point out
146
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,840
the location of this
so-called Liberia?
147
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,760
There.
148
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,840
Oh, yes.
Just hidden underneath Sierra Leone.
149
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,720
What I'm going to do is,
I'm going to let you in this time,
150
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,440
but I would advise you, in future,
to travel with a large atlas or globe
151
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,640
so you can prove to people
you haven't made up your country.
Good day.
152
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,160
This is disgraceful.
153
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,600
Right. You are a very ignorant man.
154
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:16,240
All right. I am disgusted by
the way that I have been treated.
155
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,920
OK. May I leave now?!
156
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,680
Yes.
157
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,280
You have insulted
the people of my country.
158
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,080
Yeah, I'm actually on my lunch
break now, so anything else
you say doesn't really count.
159
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,720
Oh!
160
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,320
Don't know what rattled her cage.
161
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,800
People come from far and wide
to work at the airport.
162
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:46,120
Tommy is obsessed with planes,
and it's always been his dream
to work in the aviation industry.
163
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,600
I really, really want to be a pilot,
164
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,760
but I found out that you have to have
passed lots of exam...examinin...
165
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,640
tests to be one.
So what I've decided to do instead
166
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:01,800
is to get myself a job at the airport
then work my way up to being a pilot.
167
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,200
Er, cheeseburger.
168
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:09,960
Press cheeseburger.
169
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,440
Large chocolate milkshake.
170
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,000
Press large chocolate milkshake.
171
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,160
Chicken nuggets.
172
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,160
Press chicken nuggets.
173
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,720
Two apple pies.
174
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,760
Press apple pie.
175
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:39,800
Press it again.
176
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,040
I found it quite complicated, but
now I've served my first customer,
177
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,160
I think I'm definitely on my way
to becoming a pilot.
178
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,480
Now ask, "Would you like
fries with that?"
179
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,480
Would you like fries with that?
Yeah, not me. Him.
180
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:56,880
So next time you're on a plane,
listen out because you might
hear a voice saying,
181
00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:02,280
"Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome on board,
this is Captain Tommy speaking.
182
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,080
"Would you like fries with that?"
183
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:10,120
Meanwhile, there have been reports
of a serious incident in duty free,
184
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,920
and the police are
on site within minutes.
185
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:18,160
We've had reports of a gentleman
who's very drunk and has been
abusive to members of staff.
186
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:21,120
I'll have a can of whiskey.
I tell you what, give us a kiss.
187
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:24,400
It's all right, Margaret, I'll deal
with it. Calm down, please, sir.
188
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,200
I just want one bottle of whiskey.
What's the matter?
189
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,080
You appear to be very drunk
and you've been abusive
to members of staff.
190
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,640
I'll admit I've had a drink.
I've had a drink. I won't fool you.
191
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,040
I've had a drink. I need to escort
you out of the terminal.
192
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,320
I'm not going.
Me plane goes in half an hour.
193
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,760
We need to take you outside, get you
some fresh air inside you
and some black coffee.
194
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,800
All right. I'll go.
195
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,920
I fly better when I've had
a couple of drinks, anyway,
you know what I mean.
196
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:56,080
Oh, I'll be all right, once I get
up there. I'll open the window.
197
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,640
The Our Lady Air flight
to Dublin is boarding.
198
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,240
Morning. Morning.
199
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,720
And Fearghal is breaking in
a new steward.
200
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:06,040
I'm really excited about
today as it goes,
201
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,960
cos I just qualified as a steward
and this is my first ever flight
202
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,560
and, you know, being a steward
is great, you know,
203
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:16,840
and the money's not bad,
you get to travel a lot and, er,
meet loads of birds. All right.
204
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,880
'Lasagne or coq au vin?'
205
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,120
Lasagne or coq au vin?
206
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,080
Hah... I had coq au vin last night.
207
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,600
Oh, right? Yeah, my friend's
just bought a transit.
208
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:32,720
Lasagne or coq au vin?
209
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,840
'I might be wrong,
but I got a feeling'
210
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,200
that the guy I'm working with
could be gay.
211
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,480
Get you!
212
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,800
I ain't got nothing against 'em,
but I'm not one myself, so what
213
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,200
I'm going to do is I'm going to
subtly mention that I'm straight
214
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,760
and hope he gets the message.
215
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,320
Any duty free for you today?
216
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,960
Any duty free for you today?
217
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,160
Any duty free for you today?
Any duty free for you today?
218
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,680
Any duty free for you today?
Any duty free for you today?
219
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,600
Any duty free for you today?
220
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,560
Yes, some Chanel No5, please.
221
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,720
Oh, certainly, madam, there you go.
222
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,160
That's what my girlfriend likes.
223
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:09,280
Oh, right?
Yeah, I buy it for my girlfriend.
224
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:13,120
Cos my girlfriend likes it,
cos I really love my GIRLFRIEND.
225
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,800
Great.
226
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,480
Girlfriend!
227
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,120
'I don't know what it
is about Lee,'
228
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,400
but I'm getting
quite a gay vibe from him.
229
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,240
Mind you, you know what they say.
230
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,480
What's the difference between
a straight man and a bisexual?
231
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:27,520
Two pints of lager.
232
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,640
Another pint of lager?
Yeah, all right.
233
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,640
Before their return flight tomorrow,
234
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:38,000
Lee and Fearghal have been booked
into a hotel in Dublin. Bottoms up.
235
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,920
Ain't you drinking?
No, I like to stay in control.
236
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,440
♪ You raise me up
237
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:53,600
♪ So I can stand on mountains
238
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,000
♪ You raise me up
239
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:01,960
♪ To walk on stormy sea... ♪
240
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:09,040
It's 8am and back at the airport,
coffee kiosk employee Precious
241
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,880
is faced with the morning rush...
242
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,160
Come on! Shoo!
243
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,040
..but she's having to close early.
244
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,560
Problem today, we got no paper cup.
245
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:22,440
We got coffee, we got milk, we got
water, we got fire, we got sugar,
246
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,760
we got sweetener, we got chocolate
sprinkle but we got no paper cup.
247
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,600
Well, we suppose we got no option but
to spend the rest of the day playing
248
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:34,000
on the fruit machines with
the petty cash from the till.
249
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,600
Praise the lord for the £30 jackpot.
250
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,920
Closed. Oh, don't worry, me going to
give all me winnings to the church.
251
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,760
On the third day he rose again.
252
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,520
Hallelujah.
253
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:51,800
♪ Kumbaya my Lord
Kumbaya
254
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,960
♪ Kumbaya my Lord
Kumbaya
255
00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:02,000
♪ Kumbaya my Lord
Kumbaya
256
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,000
♪ Oh Lord Kumbaya. ♪
257
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,280
Over at the check-in desks, Melody
and Keeley are hard at work.
258
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:13,360
To be honest, I really took this
job because I wanted to travel.
259
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:17,360
I felt I needed to broaden my
horizons, and this year I've already
260
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:21,400
flown to Birmingham, Manchester
and had a week in Luton.
261
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,320
Since the opportunity for promotion
has arisen, Keeley has been keeping
262
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,520
a close eye on her friend's
performance. Thank you.
263
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,040
Melody, you didn't ask
the security questions.
264
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,720
Oh, sorry, sir. I forgot to ask
you the security questions. OK.
265
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,280
Did you pack the case yourself? No.
266
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,920
Could anyone have interfered with
your luggage at any point? Yes.
267
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,960
Did anyone ask you to bring
anything onto the aircraft? Yes.
268
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,440
Does your bag contain any lighters,
aerosols or any sharp objects?
269
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,360
Yes, all of those.
Good. Enjoy the flight.
270
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,960
Yes, I think what happened earlier
with the security questions
does show that whichever
271
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,520
one of us does get Helen's job,
it's probably better if
it's someone with experience.
272
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,040
I think experience is
important, but I know
273
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:05,920
in my short time at the company
I have already made a big impact.
274
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,640
I don't know if you've seen this.
275
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,280
This is the Flylo Hotties calendar
that was brought out last year.
276
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,600
Omar Baba personally selected
all the sexiest girls
who work for the airline.
277
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,360
And I was actually Miss October.
278
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,680
You weren't asked to do
that, were you, Keeley?
279
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,720
No, I wasn't, Melody, but I
probably wouldn't get involved
280
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,520
with something like that because
I think it's quite down market.
281
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,600
You posted that video of you
and your boyfriend on You Porn.
282
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,960
That was artistic.
283
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:36,400
Simon and Jackie Trent are Britain's
first husband and wife pilot team.
284
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,040
Five years ago Simon had an affair,
285
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,120
but the couple are keen to put
the incident behind them.
286
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:47,680
Having re-trained as a pilot,
Jackie now accompanies Simon
on all his flights.
287
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,960
Yeah, well, obviously
it can be stressful.
288
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,080
You live together,
you work together.
289
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,480
I don't find it stressful.
290
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,720
What I'm saying is, you know,
sometimes there is that danger
291
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,560
that you've had a row at home
and you bring it into work.
292
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,360
No. Not a problem for me.
293
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,520
'Swiftbird.
240 degrees to intercept the ILS.'
294
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,800
240 to intercept the ILS. Swiftbird.
295
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,160
'Swiftbird. When established,
clear to descend on the ILS,
296
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,920
'runway 27, right.
Report at four Delta.'
297
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,800
Clear to descend on
the ILS, Swiftbird.
298
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,720
Can I just say you've got
a really lovely voice?
299
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,360
'Er, thank you.'
300
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:32,480
Yeah, you've just got
really lovely velvety tones.
301
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:37,000
'Thanks.' I'm First Officer
Jackie Trent, by the way.
302
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,160
'Oh. Um. I'm Nigel Stowe.
303
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,520
'Nice to speak to you, Jackie. Out.'
304
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,720
Are you on Facebook?
305
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,280
'Repeat that. Over.'
Are you on Facebook? Over.
306
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,360
Jackie... I just really
want to see what you look like.
307
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:58,000
'Er, for the record, I'm tall,
I've got black hair and a moustache.'
308
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,520
You sound hot. Over.
309
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,720
Jackie, we've begun our descent.
I need you to concentrate.
310
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:07,400
Oh, excuse me, Simon! I'm not
the one who screwed someone else!
311
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,520
'Just to say you're clear
for final approach.' Thank you.
312
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,200
Did you Sky+ Strictly? Yes.
313
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:27,560
Back in the terminal,
Taaj is helping Flylo passengers
check-in as quickly as possible.
314
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,840
Is you travelling
with just hand luggage?
315
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,440
Is you travelling
with just hand luggage? No.
316
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,880
Is you travelling
with just hand luggage? No.
317
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,840
Is you travelling
with just hand luggage?
318
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,880
Is you travelling with just
hand luggage? Yes. You is?
319
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:44,360
OK, come with me madam because
we can now check you in
electrono-logically, isn't it?
320
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,120
But I do need to make sure
that your bag fits into
the overhead locker.
321
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,720
Well, it's not going
to fit in there, is it?
322
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:56,760
Oh. Oh, no. Well, you better join
the back of the queue then, isn't it?
323
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,040
This is ridiculous!
You couldn't get anything in there.
324
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:04,000
No, I know. Me and my mates
was mucking about last night.
I couldn't even get me cock in it.
325
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,560
Moses looks after first
and business class passengers
for Great British Air.
326
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,120
He's just been alerted that there's
a very nervous flyer on board
327
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,400
this flight to Budapest,
which is ready for take off.
328
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,640
Are you my frightened lady? Yes.
329
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,320
Do you mind if I just perch
my little bottom down here?
330
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,520
Have you been offered a small
glass of fresh orange juice
331
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,280
and a complimentary browse
of the Daily Mail? Yes, thank you.
332
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:33,400
OK, my love.
333
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,000
Now I'm going to give you
a few facts about flight safety
334
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,960
just to put your mind at rest,
if you'll pardon the pun?
335
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,400
Please.
336
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,480
Do you know how many planes
actually went down last year?
337
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,600
I don't know.
338
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,520
Have a guess. I don't really
want to think about it.
339
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,960
Go on. Five?
340
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,040
More than that. Ten?
341
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,640
More than that.
342
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,240
50?
343
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,600
A lot more than that. 150?
344
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,320
Little bit less. 140?
345
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,200
122.
346
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,720
That's all.
347
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,200
And do you know how many planes
were lost at sea last year?
348
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,840
I don't know.
349
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,720
Nine. OK, this is a fun one.
350
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,720
No, thank you. I don't want to
do this any more. No, no, no.
This is a nice one.
351
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:25,120
Do you know how many planes
were accidentally shot down
in military exercises?
352
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:28,120
I wouldn't want to think about that.
Four.
353
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,160
OK? So I hope those little facts
have put your mind at rest.
354
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,680
Happy flighting.
355
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,880
'Ladies and gentleman if you
could just make sure your seatbelts
356
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:43,280
'are fastened as we've just
been given clearance of take off.'
357
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:48,160
Budget airline Flylo have
recently started selling holidays.
358
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,960
Judith and Peter were among
the first customers
to enjoy a Flylo cruise.
359
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,160
We'd like to make
a formal complaint, please.
360
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,920
Excuse me, Peter. Sorry, Judith.
361
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,040
We'd like to make
a formal complaint, please.
362
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,360
We have had the cruise from hell!
363
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,120
When we boarded... Peter!
Sorry, Judith.
364
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,720
When we boarded the Flylo
cruise liner,
365
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,240
we were shown to our quarters
in the bowels of the ship.
366
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,280
Only to discover that our cabin was
flooded waist-deep with seawater.
367
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,720
But we thought,
"Ho hum, let's get on with it.
368
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,520
"It's only our bottom halves that are
going to get wet." So we set sail...
369
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,440
Peter, I'm talking. It's very rude.
Sorry, Judith.
370
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:26,760
We set sail and we'd only just left
the port at Athens when it emerged
371
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,880
that all 780 passengers on board
the vessel had contracted dysentery.
372
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,520
You had to queue for 14 hours...
373
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,560
Peter, you and I are going
to come to blows in a minute.
374
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,560
You had to queue for 14 hours
to use the lavatories.
375
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,840
Well, we'd been waiting 13 hours
and it was very nearly our turn
376
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,840
when we heard gunshots and discovered
the boat had been boarded by pirates.
377
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,080
They rounded up
all the passengers... Peter!
378
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:53,080
They rounded up all the passengers on
deck and singled out Peter and I
379
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,000
and took us hostage,
which meant we missed the buffet.
380
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,160
We were then taken to a room
and told that one of us
381
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:02,880
was going to have to perform sexual
acts upon the pirates at gunpoint.
382
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,240
Well, I popped my hand in the air
and volunteered Peter,
383
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,720
but before my husband had a chance
to engage in anything other than
384
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:14,080
mild foreplay with three of
the men the boat was stormed
by the Greek coast guard.
385
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,600
There was a shoot-out. Bodies
everywhere and just as I thought,
386
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,040
"Surely this cruise
can't get any worse,"
387
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,600
we discovered that the cabaret
that night was John Barrowman.
388
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,560
That's when I broke down.
389
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,760
It's 4pm and although it's been
several hours since Precious
390
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,240
was forced to close the coffee
kiosk, she's still at the airport.
391
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,560
Oh, a very bad thing just happened.
392
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,200
I was playing on me
Deal Or No Deal fruit machine.
393
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:46,080
You know the television show
with that nice Christian boy
Noel Edmonson?
394
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:51,560
Well the Devil must've got
inside Noel cos he just thieved
£180 of the petty cash from me.
395
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,840
Well, don't worry because I'm
going to win all the money back.
396
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,640
Have you got change of a £10 note?
397
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,960
Quick as you can, my love.
398
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,840
I don't have £10, I've only got £5.
399
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,920
There's a place for you in heaven.
400
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:07,600
Hey! Get away from that fruit
machine! I've got my money in there!
401
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,600
Gambling is the Devil's work.
402
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,800
Come on, Noel.
403
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:18,560
Our Lady Air cabin crew
Fearghal and Lee are working
the return flight from Dublin.
404
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,320
Croissant or muesli?
Croissant or muesli?
405
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,920
Croissant or muesli?
406
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,640
Croissant or muesli?
Croissant or muesli?
407
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,240
What happened last night
was very much a one-off.
408
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,000
I've told Fearghal that.
409
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,120
I think just cos you have sex with
a guy don't make you a gay.
410
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,360
Lee certainly knows
how to please a man.
411
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,600
It was mind-blowing. He threw me
round the room like a rag doll.
412
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:44,120
It was the most intense, animalistic,
erotic encounter of my life.
413
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,720
Hope me girlfriend don't see this.
414
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,240
David Schwimmer has been stopped
and searched at Customs.
415
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:05,400
The Friends star was attempting
to smuggle a large number of
illegal items into the country.
416
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,800
One copy Chicks With Dicks.
417
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,040
One copy She-male Orgy.
418
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,600
One copy Tranny Mania. Tranny Mania.
419
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,240
One copy She-male Orgy 3.
420
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,840
One copy Lady Boy Lick Fest.
421
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:25,720
Final item - one copy
She-male Sandwich.
422
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,680
Right. You're aware these
items are illegal in the UK.
423
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:35,760
In which case would you care to
explain to me why you have attempted
to bring them into the country?
424
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:42,400
Well, this is very, very difficult
for me because I don't want to get
someone else in trouble...
425
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:49,240
but...they're actually
a present for a friend.
426
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,440
Which friend? Matt Le Blanc.
427
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,120
Matt Le Blanc?
428
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,680
That's correct.
429
00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,120
It's sad, but erm,
430
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:06,640
he really can only become aroused
when watching this sort of material.
431
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,760
Have you watched any of these films?
432
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:14,040
I have and I found it
absolutely disgusting.
433
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,360
Which of the DVDs did you watch,
Mr Schwimmer? All of them.
434
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,400
All of them.
435
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:26,920
I was very curious as to
what kind of films Matt
had asked me to buy for him.
436
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,880
Really? Mm-hmm.
437
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:34,560
You know the stories actually
do kind of drag you in.
438
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,040
You know, will the pool get cleaned?
439
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:42,400
You do realise that we have
no option but to confiscate
these items? Yeah, I do, I do.
440
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:47,800
And actually I'm glad because
when Matt sees this on TV
441
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,920
he will understand that what he asked
me to do is utterly unacceptable.
442
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,680
In fact, can I,
443
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,320
can I just address
the camera for a second?
444
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,520
Matt, this is your
friend David Schwimmer.
445
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,960
You've got a problem, buddy,
446
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,200
and I'm...
447
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,360
I mean you... Look, you're sick
and you need help
448
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:14,320
and I will do everything within
my power to help you get help.
449
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,040
Thank you.
450
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,800
Thank you.
451
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,840
Thank you all.
452
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,560
You guys are doing an excellent,
an excellent job here
453
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,800
and I really appreciate it.
Sit down, sir.
454
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,320
They're for Jennifer Anniston.
455
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:37,880
And so another eventful day
at the airport draws to a close.
456
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:42,120
Captain Stirick had a strong coffee
and flew the airbus to Vienna.
457
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:47,240
Omar's flatbeds scheme went down
like a cup of cold sick.
458
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,760
And David Schwimmer was admitted
to a clinic in Arizona
459
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:56,080
to treat his addiction
to transsexual pornography.
460
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,640
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
461
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,360
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
461
00:28:19,305 --> 00:29:19,647
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today41151
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof