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1
00:00:02,782 --> 00:00:04,719
(breathing heavily)
2
00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:06,055
Look who I'm kissing.
3
00:00:06,188 --> 00:00:07,592
-(door closes)
-It's Max. Can you believe it?
4
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,361
(moaning, breathing heavily)
5
00:00:09,428 --> 00:00:10,463
Wait.
6
00:00:10,565 --> 00:00:12,067
Are you sure you're okay
with this?
7
00:00:12,134 --> 00:00:13,671
Take your shirt off.
8
00:00:15,106 --> 00:00:18,112
I am abs-olutely okay
with this.
9
00:00:18,179 --> 00:00:19,448
(both chuckle)
10
00:00:20,116 --> 00:00:21,954
I have wanted to do this
for so long.
11
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,360
So, first round's for speed,
second round is for distance.
12
00:00:26,028 --> 00:00:27,865
Third round is for creativity.
13
00:00:27,932 --> 00:00:30,403
Three rounds? All right.
14
00:00:30,537 --> 00:00:31,974
All right, buddy,
I know we're 40,
15
00:00:32,007 --> 00:00:34,378
but it's time to rise
to the occasion.
16
00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:35,413
Sex pun!
17
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,184
-I've never been so turned on.
-Ah.
18
00:00:39,421 --> 00:00:40,691
You know,
19
00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:43,396
three generations of Silver
women have slept in this bed.
20
00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:47,070
I don't know why I thought
that would be hot.
21
00:00:47,939 --> 00:00:49,475
-Are you purring?
-(purring)
22
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:53,316
(groans) Snowball,
get out of here.
23
00:00:53,383 --> 00:00:54,653
(yowls)
24
00:00:54,719 --> 00:00:55,921
(chuckles)
25
00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:57,659
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
26
00:00:57,759 --> 00:01:00,163
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
27
00:01:01,399 --> 00:01:05,206
Oh, my gosh, Max is in my bed,
and we did it.
28
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:08,212
That literally
cuts my bucket list in half.
29
00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:12,220
What do you know?
Three rounds with Kat Silver.
30
00:01:12,287 --> 00:01:14,258
Would've gotten to four
if that pervert cat
31
00:01:14,358 --> 00:01:16,863
wasn't licking himself
in the corner.
32
00:01:17,565 --> 00:01:19,903
I had an orgasm
with Max Kingbird,
33
00:01:20,003 --> 00:01:22,240
and he was actually here for it!
34
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,781
This is weird. I'm feeling...
35
00:01:25,881 --> 00:01:27,184
What is this?
36
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:29,889
I don't regret
what I did last night.
37
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,327
Why isn't he saying anything?
38
00:01:32,394 --> 00:01:35,533
Does he regret this?
What is he thinking?
39
00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:37,605
Don't fart.
40
00:01:37,672 --> 00:01:40,243
Don't. Fart.
41
00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:41,647
Okay, be cool.
42
00:01:41,747 --> 00:01:44,418
Just roll over
and say good morning.
43
00:01:44,485 --> 00:01:47,424
It's only Max.
Your friend Max.
44
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,865
Who spun you like a dreidel
in Nana Silver's bed.
45
00:01:50,931 --> 00:01:55,173
All right, I think I can
hide this on the rollover.
46
00:01:55,273 --> 00:01:56,910
On three.
47
00:01:56,977 --> 00:01:59,816
One, two, three.
48
00:01:59,883 --> 00:02:02,655
-Ow!
-Ow, ow. (sputters)
49
00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:04,525
-You okay?
-Yep.
50
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,695
(Max groans)
51
00:02:05,761 --> 00:02:08,166
Here, let me fan you
with these sheets a little.
52
00:02:12,775 --> 00:02:14,244
So...
53
00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:15,581
last night was fun,
54
00:02:15,681 --> 00:02:19,856
but also stuff that
friends don't normally do.
55
00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:22,294
Yeah. (laughs)
56
00:02:23,129 --> 00:02:24,398
Yeah.
57
00:02:24,465 --> 00:02:29,174
Are we friends who just had
a crazy night, or...
58
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:31,747
or are we...?
59
00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:33,516
Yeah.
60
00:02:33,584 --> 00:02:35,220
Are we...?
61
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,961
That's right, Max. I may have
cut off a lock of your hair
62
00:02:38,994 --> 00:02:40,397
while you were sleeping,
63
00:02:40,463 --> 00:02:42,802
but I will not ask you
to be my boyfriend.
64
00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:45,440
Honestly...
65
00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:49,148
I'd like to see
if there's something here.
66
00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:51,553
I mean,
if-if that's what you want.
67
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:53,924
It worked!
We're gonna do this!
68
00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:55,928
It's happening,
it's happening!
69
00:02:57,397 --> 00:02:59,268
Yeah, we can give it a shot.
70
00:02:59,368 --> 00:03:01,405
(Kat chuckles)
71
00:03:03,342 --> 00:03:06,983
You know,
Papa Silver died in this bed.
72
00:03:07,718 --> 00:03:09,221
Maybe you should just kiss me
so I shut up.
73
00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:11,358
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
74
00:03:12,895 --> 00:03:14,298
-Hey.
-Hey.
75
00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:15,701
Wait, why are you so sweaty?
76
00:03:15,768 --> 00:03:17,805
Did somebody finally teach you
how to Dougie?
77
00:03:17,872 --> 00:03:20,076
I was training my son.
He's going out for track.
78
00:03:20,143 --> 00:03:23,116
I mean, it's not football,
but at least it's not band.
79
00:03:23,182 --> 00:03:24,418
Oh, well, I can work with CJ.
80
00:03:24,518 --> 00:03:25,688
I used to run the 100 meters.
81
00:03:25,721 --> 00:03:27,157
I was the fastest girl
in my school.
82
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,394
So was I.
83
00:03:30,029 --> 00:03:31,332
I appreciate the offer,
84
00:03:31,432 --> 00:03:34,271
but, you know,
men run different than women.
85
00:03:34,338 --> 00:03:37,979
I see,
and "different" meaning faster?
86
00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:40,216
Oh, good, you know.
87
00:03:40,316 --> 00:03:42,555
So, you think that
you can beat me in a race
88
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,491
just because you have a penis?
89
00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:45,861
Well, I'm not a scientist,
90
00:03:45,928 --> 00:03:49,067
so I don't know
where the speed is stored,
91
00:03:49,134 --> 00:03:50,436
but yes.
92
00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:52,007
You know what?
That's it.
93
00:03:52,073 --> 00:03:53,610
After work,
we are gonna race.
94
00:03:53,677 --> 00:03:55,079
Put some lotion
on those ashy knees
95
00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:56,282
and meet me in the park
96
00:03:56,382 --> 00:03:58,252
for a good
old-fashioned ass-kicking.
97
00:03:58,319 --> 00:03:59,589
Oh, you're on.
98
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,958
And there won't be
any ass-kicking,
99
00:04:01,025 --> 00:04:02,360
only ass-gazing.
100
00:04:02,461 --> 00:04:07,537
As in, your eyes watching my ass
leave your ass behind.
101
00:04:08,774 --> 00:04:09,876
Hey, everybody.
102
00:04:09,943 --> 00:04:11,646
Oh, my God, you've had sex.
103
00:04:12,582 --> 00:04:13,851
What are you talking about?
104
00:04:13,917 --> 00:04:16,556
Ugh, been so long,
she doesn't remember what it is.
105
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,294
(singsongy):
Knowing when people had sex
is my superpower.
106
00:04:19,361 --> 00:04:20,263
Yeah, it's true.
107
00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:22,768
When she met my parents,
she called them out.
108
00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:25,139
Made church so awkward.
109
00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:27,879
Hold up, you've had sex
with Max.
110
00:04:27,979 --> 00:04:29,381
-(gasps)
-Max?
111
00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:31,185
Did my name come up?
112
00:04:31,252 --> 00:04:33,690
What happened between me and Max
is private.
113
00:04:33,757 --> 00:04:36,930
We did it three times
last night.
114
00:04:36,997 --> 00:04:38,767
Let's get this baby cooking.
115
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:40,838
Go lie down
and put your feet in the air.
116
00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:41,940
You need to marinate.
117
00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:43,509
You know, like you do
with an old chicken.
118
00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:45,581
We're putting the baby
on the backburner--
119
00:04:45,648 --> 00:04:47,384
unfortunate choice of words.
120
00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:49,789
We just want to focus
on seeing where this goes.
121
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,726
We have our first real date
tonight!
122
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:54,899
Great, we're gonna gamble
my grandchild's existence
123
00:04:54,966 --> 00:04:56,937
on your personality.
124
00:04:57,003 --> 00:04:58,607
I need a drink.
125
00:05:03,115 --> 00:05:05,386
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
126
00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:07,592
Oh.
127
00:05:07,658 --> 00:05:08,694
(chuckles):
Oh, we're gonna sit
128
00:05:08,794 --> 00:05:10,163
on the same side
of the booth.
129
00:05:10,263 --> 00:05:12,400
That's the other
half of my bucket list.
130
00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,471
Hello, I'm Greg.
131
00:05:14,538 --> 00:05:16,442
Is this your first time
dining with us?
132
00:05:16,508 --> 00:05:19,716
It's actually our first time
dining anywhere as a couple.
133
00:05:19,816 --> 00:05:22,187
We have been best friends
forever,
134
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:24,491
no benefits, just really strong
feelings for each other.
135
00:05:24,559 --> 00:05:25,928
We're kind of
like Cagney and Lacey,
136
00:05:26,028 --> 00:05:28,466
but we don't solve crimes
and he's not a lady.
137
00:05:28,567 --> 00:05:31,538
He was in a relationship,
and I was in a relationship.
138
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,409
And then last night, Greg,
out of the blue,
139
00:05:33,476 --> 00:05:36,750
boom, bang,
Bonetown, population two.
140
00:05:37,752 --> 00:05:40,558
We did it three times,
and I'm 40.
141
00:05:41,525 --> 00:05:44,131
I'll get you some bread.
142
00:05:46,168 --> 00:05:48,406
He's not coming back, is he?
143
00:05:48,506 --> 00:05:50,544
(both chuckle)
144
00:05:51,211 --> 00:05:52,480
Why are you staring at me?
145
00:05:52,548 --> 00:05:54,619
-Oh, no, do I have a bat
in the cave?
-What?
146
00:05:54,686 --> 00:05:55,955
No.
147
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,560
You just, you look great.
148
00:05:59,762 --> 00:06:01,098
Thank you.
149
00:06:01,165 --> 00:06:02,233
Is that a new outfit?
150
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,204
Oh, no.
I-I've had it forever.
151
00:06:04,304 --> 00:06:06,610
Uh, fire sale.
An estate sale.
152
00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:08,412
She died in a fire.
153
00:06:11,518 --> 00:06:13,022
You look really nice.
154
00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,493
Thanks. Shaved the ears.
155
00:06:16,462 --> 00:06:19,067
Yeah, that was supposed to be
in my head.
156
00:06:27,618 --> 00:06:30,089
(chuckles nervously)
157
00:06:33,362 --> 00:06:35,834
-This is weird. Okay. Yeah.
-Yeah, I'm gonna sit
on that side. Yeah.
158
00:06:35,968 --> 00:06:37,738
-Okay.
-Yeah.
159
00:06:37,805 --> 00:06:39,308
Yeah, this is much better.
160
00:06:39,374 --> 00:06:41,145
You know, now I got
a little elbow room.
161
00:06:41,211 --> 00:06:44,484
Like the settlers moving west,
taking land from the natives.
162
00:06:44,619 --> 00:06:45,888
Why would I go there? I...
163
00:06:45,921 --> 00:06:47,858
You know what,
we both just need to relax.
164
00:06:47,892 --> 00:06:49,461
Let's just,
let's start this thing over.
165
00:06:49,528 --> 00:06:52,167
That's a great idea.
That's a really great idea.
166
00:06:52,802 --> 00:06:55,741
Whoa. What the hell?! Is there
something under the table?
167
00:06:55,841 --> 00:06:57,979
That was my foot.
I was playing footsie.
168
00:06:58,045 --> 00:07:01,251
(sighs)
I have a very specific phobia
169
00:07:01,318 --> 00:07:05,326
about alligators attacking
my feet under restaurant tables.
170
00:07:05,961 --> 00:07:07,665
That has literally
never happened.
171
00:07:07,765 --> 00:07:10,938
Uh, I saw it on Gator 911.
172
00:07:11,005 --> 00:07:12,540
That poor bride.
173
00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,077
Well, this is no gator.
174
00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:17,117
It's a size 12 foot
in a sock from Men's Wearhouse.
175
00:07:17,217 --> 00:07:19,922
(laughs):
That's nice.
176
00:07:19,989 --> 00:07:22,093
Five-toe fandango.
177
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,730
Whoa, gator!
178
00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:25,099
Your other foot.
179
00:07:32,313 --> 00:07:36,923
All right, this is gonna be
a Harlan County two-scamper.
180
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:42,033
No skipsies, no jumpsies,
no shooty-backsies.
181
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:44,572
So, you scared?
182
00:07:44,605 --> 00:07:46,275
Scared? Please.
183
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,611
I'm only scared
of three things--
184
00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:51,586
horror films, snakes
and very low ceiling fans.
185
00:07:51,653 --> 00:07:52,988
Yeah, big talk, old man.
186
00:07:53,089 --> 00:07:55,259
Did you get a biscuit
with those chicken legs?
187
00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:59,167
Yeah, well, these chicken legs
got 11 herbs and spices,
188
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:02,507
which that makes them extra
crispy, so that means that...
189
00:08:02,575 --> 00:08:04,879
You know what?
Let's just do this.
190
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,626
Okay.
191
00:08:11,726 --> 00:08:15,066
Ready, set, scamper!
192
00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:17,537
♪ ♪
193
00:08:39,147 --> 00:08:41,553
(whoops) You see that?
194
00:08:41,619 --> 00:08:43,089
It's the running man.
195
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:46,261
Ooh, and now, oh,
it's the running Carter.
196
00:08:46,328 --> 00:08:47,798
-(whimpering)
-(Carter stammers)
197
00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:49,134
-You tripped me!
-(laughs)
198
00:08:49,234 --> 00:08:53,142
Ain't nobody tripping out here
but you, loser.
199
00:08:53,209 --> 00:08:54,377
(high-pitched):
Loser.
200
00:08:54,511 --> 00:08:56,616
-Loser.
-Phil, you saw, she cheated!
201
00:08:56,683 --> 00:08:58,285
What? I'm sorry.
202
00:08:58,352 --> 00:09:02,595
I just realized I'm wearing
two different color shoes.
203
00:09:02,661 --> 00:09:05,199
(laughing)
204
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,744
How's your lamb?
205
00:09:12,147 --> 00:09:13,717
Good.
206
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:15,954
How's your pasta?
207
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:17,691
Good.
208
00:09:18,359 --> 00:09:19,494
This lamb is terrible.
209
00:09:19,562 --> 00:09:21,031
Why didn't I tell her that?
210
00:09:21,098 --> 00:09:24,070
I could've said,
"Pretty baaad."
211
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:26,776
I just wanted
this night to be special.
212
00:09:26,843 --> 00:09:28,780
I shaved every inch of my body.
213
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,717
I'm like a fricking dolphin.
214
00:09:30,784 --> 00:09:34,692
Why can't I think of
something funny or cool to say?
215
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,228
Wait, I got it.
216
00:09:36,896 --> 00:09:41,238
Is it just me or is
the service here pretty baaad?
217
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:43,844
What?
218
00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,281
I don't know
what's wrong with me, I'm sorry.
219
00:09:46,348 --> 00:09:49,555
-Me, too.
Why is this so awkward?
-(laughs): I don't know.
220
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:50,858
We're usually so comfortable
together.
221
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,393
Like this morning,
I heard you fart.
222
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:55,066
What? No. No.
It was, it was your bed.
223
00:09:55,132 --> 00:09:57,003
You said so yourself,
it's very old.
224
00:09:57,103 --> 00:10:00,142
(sighs)
We had so much fun last night.
225
00:10:00,209 --> 00:10:01,145
And again this morning.
226
00:10:01,211 --> 00:10:02,948
I want this
to be more like that.
227
00:10:03,015 --> 00:10:07,423
You know, we could wash away
this whole night in my shower.
228
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,227
That's a slip-and-fall risk.
229
00:10:09,294 --> 00:10:10,898
Safety first, sexy second.
230
00:10:11,498 --> 00:10:14,872
Don't worry, 'cause my shower
has grippy ducks on the floor.
231
00:10:15,807 --> 00:10:18,980
Recommended by the AARP.
232
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:21,819
Really?
233
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:26,696
Well, those grippy ducks are
about to swim with a dolphin.
234
00:10:26,729 --> 00:10:29,167
I don't get that,
235
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,573
but quack, quack, quack.
236
00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:34,010
-(imitating dolphin)
-(quacking)
237
00:10:37,317 --> 00:10:39,521
Ooh, a candle.
238
00:10:39,589 --> 00:10:41,425
I didn't realize Bonetown had
239
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,429
a Spiced Pumpkin district.
240
00:10:43,495 --> 00:10:44,966
We're close to shopping
241
00:10:45,032 --> 00:10:47,103
and the schools are excellent.
242
00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:48,472
Are they?
243
00:10:48,573 --> 00:10:50,744
Maybe you're a teacher
244
00:10:50,811 --> 00:10:52,213
and I'm the new student.
245
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,550
Yeah.
246
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,988
And you're in trouble because
you didn't do your homework.
247
00:10:56,054 --> 00:10:58,292
Why wouldn't I do my homework?
248
00:10:58,359 --> 00:11:00,329
I'm all for role-play
249
00:11:00,396 --> 00:11:02,500
but, like, it has to make sense.
250
00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:04,739
Okay, all right, so...
251
00:11:04,805 --> 00:11:07,277
what would you want
to get in trouble for?
252
00:11:07,343 --> 00:11:08,780
I don't want to get
in trouble for anything.
253
00:11:08,847 --> 00:11:10,016
I'm new to this school,
254
00:11:10,149 --> 00:11:11,920
I'm trying to make
a good impression.
255
00:11:13,055 --> 00:11:15,259
Maybe let's work up
to role-play.
256
00:11:15,359 --> 00:11:16,629
Oh, um...
257
00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:18,399
-I could be a foreign
exchange student.
-Oh.
258
00:11:18,499 --> 00:11:21,238
(Irish accent): Good day
to ya, Professor Kingbird.
259
00:11:21,271 --> 00:11:24,377
Do you want to see
where I hid me pot o' gold?
260
00:11:25,179 --> 00:11:26,883
I'm not gonna lie.
261
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,753
I don't hate that.
262
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:31,926
KAT:
Oh, no, I am wearing
263
00:11:32,026 --> 00:11:33,797
some weapons-grade
shapewear right now.
264
00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:35,934
He doesn't need to see
how this sausage is cased.
265
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,972
Uh, actually, I'm gonna run
266
00:11:38,038 --> 00:11:39,474
to the bathroom real quick.
267
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:41,044
(Irish accent):
When you come back,
268
00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:43,282
you can kiss me Blarney Stone.
269
00:11:43,883 --> 00:11:46,321
Damn, you're sexy.
270
00:11:48,192 --> 00:11:50,697
(panting)
271
00:11:50,764 --> 00:11:52,968
(grunting)
272
00:11:54,772 --> 00:11:56,876
This is like prom
all over again.
273
00:11:56,943 --> 00:11:59,649
You know, if I went to prom.
274
00:11:59,715 --> 00:12:01,953
(grunting)
275
00:12:05,627 --> 00:12:07,564
-Ow!
-MAX: You okay?
276
00:12:07,665 --> 00:12:10,002
Yeah, yeah,
just getting ready to pee!
277
00:12:10,102 --> 00:12:13,542
Oh, oh, I don't want him
to hear this mighty tinkle.
278
00:12:15,981 --> 00:12:17,116
MAX:
Are you taking a shower?
279
00:12:17,183 --> 00:12:18,787
Yeah, just gonna take
a quick rinse.
280
00:12:18,853 --> 00:12:20,557
(Irish accent):
Ooh, you've got Irish Spring!
281
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,327
It's the body wash of me people.
282
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,164
MAX: I'm gonna get us
a bottle of wine.
283
00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:26,401
Yeah, and I'm gonna make room
for that wine.
284
00:12:26,535 --> 00:12:28,339
(mouthing)
285
00:12:29,307 --> 00:12:31,879
(exclaims, grunts)
286
00:12:35,587 --> 00:12:37,958
Hard to believe
I didn't go to prom.
287
00:12:49,381 --> 00:12:50,851
What do we think?
288
00:12:50,951 --> 00:12:52,153
Does this pose say
289
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,324
"my butt's never been dunked
in toilet water"?
290
00:12:55,459 --> 00:12:57,030
What is taking him so long?
291
00:12:57,096 --> 00:12:59,234
-Oh! (laughing)
-Ooh! (laughing)
292
00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:01,171
I don't understand cricket,
but I do understand
293
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,908
a guy getting hit in the nuts.
294
00:13:02,975 --> 00:13:04,477
Hey, balls hitting balls.
295
00:13:04,612 --> 00:13:06,048
It's poetic.
296
00:13:07,116 --> 00:13:09,755
Hey, uh, what's going on?
297
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,491
Oh, you've got to see
these bloopers.
298
00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:13,763
The Phillie Phanatic's about
to take a fastball to the nuts.
299
00:13:13,797 --> 00:13:15,533
They're all pretty much about
300
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:17,638
guys taking one to the nuts.
301
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,844
Uh, what happened
to getting us wine?
302
00:13:20,911 --> 00:13:23,182
Oh, right.
303
00:13:24,184 --> 00:13:25,620
Hey!
304
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,125
You know what, uh, just keep it.
305
00:13:28,192 --> 00:13:29,895
I'll be hanging out
in your bedroom,
306
00:13:29,962 --> 00:13:30,831
and if you'd rather watch
307
00:13:30,997 --> 00:13:32,801
guys get hit in the testicles
with your buddy,
308
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:35,373
that's, it's fine,
that's fine by me.
309
00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:39,114
Bruh, you have
the coolest girlfriend.
310
00:13:39,214 --> 00:13:41,218
(sighs)
311
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:45,192
Hey. I shouldn't
have kept you waiting.
312
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,397
Carter was upset
about his fight with Randi.
313
00:13:47,463 --> 00:13:49,802
(chuckles) He, he was
even crying a little.
314
00:13:49,869 --> 00:13:51,706
CARTER:
The hell I was!
315
00:13:51,806 --> 00:13:54,310
You know, I-I think
I just want to go home.
316
00:13:54,411 --> 00:13:55,814
What? No, no.
317
00:13:55,881 --> 00:13:58,185
-We can turn this around.
-Can we?
318
00:13:58,252 --> 00:14:00,690
I mean, this night has been off
from the beginning.
319
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,095
And it's not just the-the wine
320
00:14:03,195 --> 00:14:05,066
or the TV or the freak hurricane
321
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:06,401
that hit your bathroom.
322
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:07,771
Wait, what?
323
00:14:07,871 --> 00:14:09,809
Climate change.
324
00:14:09,942 --> 00:14:11,511
It's fine.
325
00:14:11,612 --> 00:14:14,150
I just, I'll talk to you later.
326
00:14:14,217 --> 00:14:16,288
Okay.
327
00:14:16,354 --> 00:14:18,392
Okay. Bye.
328
00:14:18,459 --> 00:14:20,897
(door closes)
329
00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:27,043
What the hell?!
330
00:14:27,845 --> 00:14:29,180
(singsongy):
I've got something
331
00:14:29,247 --> 00:14:31,051
to show you.
332
00:14:31,151 --> 00:14:33,823
I get it, your mole looks
like Winnie the Pooh.
333
00:14:33,923 --> 00:14:35,159
Go see a doctor.
334
00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:37,765
I got a video
of your race with Randi.
335
00:14:37,831 --> 00:14:39,000
Really?
336
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,637
How'd you get it?
337
00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:41,973
Security cam.
338
00:14:42,106 --> 00:14:43,643
Let's just say my dalliance
339
00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,479
with a certain deputy mayor
340
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,584
finally paid off.
341
00:14:48,519 --> 00:14:51,358
Hey, y'all. I'm so excited
to be auditioning
342
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:54,330
for So You Think You Can Dance.
343
00:14:55,199 --> 00:14:57,805
'Cause I think I can.
344
00:14:57,871 --> 00:14:59,608
No, no, that's the wrong file.
345
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:02,079
I see.
(chuckles)
346
00:15:03,015 --> 00:15:05,419
Okay, here we go.
347
00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:07,056
I'm winning.
348
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,693
Here's where we're close.
349
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,131
Let's slow it down.
350
00:15:15,574 --> 00:15:16,776
She never touched me.
351
00:15:16,843 --> 00:15:19,582
She was pulling ahead
when you fell.
352
00:15:19,648 --> 00:15:21,552
She spanked you.
353
00:15:22,186 --> 00:15:25,660
Just like I spanked
that deputy mayor.
354
00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:28,933
Well...
355
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:31,338
I know what I got to do.
356
00:15:31,404 --> 00:15:32,741
My audition!
357
00:15:32,841 --> 00:15:34,310
What do you want me to do, Phil?
358
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:36,716
Tell my girlfriend the truth?
359
00:15:39,454 --> 00:15:40,590
Hey.
360
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,126
How was your night with Max?
361
00:15:42,193 --> 00:15:43,596
Randi, do your thing.
362
00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:45,432
They didn't have sex.
363
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,136
You know, I don't
appreciate people talking
364
00:15:47,236 --> 00:15:48,907
about how I didn't have sex.
365
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,644
It's like high school
all over again.
366
00:15:50,744 --> 00:15:52,681
And college.
367
00:15:52,781 --> 00:15:54,652
And my 30s.
368
00:15:54,752 --> 00:15:56,521
What happened, sweetheart?
369
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,824
I don't know.
370
00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:00,029
We went out
for a romantic dinner.
371
00:16:00,129 --> 00:16:01,531
It was super awkward.
372
00:16:01,566 --> 00:16:03,235
I thought I got attacked
by a gator.
373
00:16:03,335 --> 00:16:06,408
I fell in his toilet
and my Spanx are in an oak tree.
374
00:16:06,474 --> 00:16:08,278
Carter thought
that was a beige raccoon.
375
00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:11,251
He was so excited thinking
he discovered a new species.
376
00:16:11,886 --> 00:16:13,255
This was only our first date.
377
00:16:13,322 --> 00:16:15,894
What if it never gets better
and Max and I were stupid
378
00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:17,564
to think we could ever
be a couple?
379
00:16:17,664 --> 00:16:19,334
Maybe this whole thing was
a huge mistake.
380
00:16:19,434 --> 00:16:21,071
Let's keep
some perspective here.
381
00:16:21,171 --> 00:16:22,941
Those glasses were
a huge mistake.
382
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:26,849
It's not romantic dinners
that will get you
383
00:16:26,949 --> 00:16:28,218
through a lifetime together.
384
00:16:28,318 --> 00:16:31,559
It's the fact that you two
are such good friends.
385
00:16:31,626 --> 00:16:34,130
That's the foundation
for everything.
386
00:16:34,197 --> 00:16:36,401
Look at your father and me.
387
00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:38,773
Dad did always say
you were his best friend.
388
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,244
I assumed it was
a hostage situation.
389
00:16:41,311 --> 00:16:43,215
We loved being together.
390
00:16:43,315 --> 00:16:44,652
We made each other laugh.
391
00:16:44,718 --> 00:16:47,658
Although we did tie each other
up from time to time.
392
00:16:47,724 --> 00:16:49,728
-Oh!
-Okay! You are a freak.
393
00:16:49,862 --> 00:16:52,466
We can have a talk when
the children leave the room.
394
00:16:52,568 --> 00:16:54,437
Yeah, thank you,
you've been very helpful.
395
00:16:54,504 --> 00:16:56,107
You've given me
a lot to think about,
396
00:16:56,174 --> 00:16:58,813
and one disturbing thing
to try and forget.
397
00:16:58,947 --> 00:17:01,384
We used Kat's jump rope.
398
00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:03,623
Two things!
399
00:17:05,794 --> 00:17:07,530
-Hey.
-Hey, what's that?
400
00:17:07,598 --> 00:17:08,532
They're running shoes.
401
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,637
I got them for CJ
for his tryouts.
402
00:17:10,737 --> 00:17:12,674
Oh, really? Aw, thank you.
403
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,143
Ooh, and they're spiked.
404
00:17:14,243 --> 00:17:17,016
Fast around the track,
hard on my ex-wife's floors.
405
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,252
Win-win.
406
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:20,790
Yeah, I didn't know if you would
have time to buy them yourself,
407
00:17:20,824 --> 00:17:23,061
you know,
given how slow you are.
408
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:25,266
Look, there's no way for us
to know for sure
409
00:17:25,366 --> 00:17:26,534
what happened in that race.
410
00:17:26,636 --> 00:17:29,808
So let's just blame Phil
and move on.
411
00:17:29,875 --> 00:17:33,415
Fine, but can you do me a favor?
412
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,920
Don't tell CJ
that boys are faster than girls.
413
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:38,525
Because that's how the guys
treated me on the track team,
414
00:17:38,593 --> 00:17:39,962
and it sucked.
415
00:17:40,029 --> 00:17:42,033
All right.
416
00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:43,368
I'll see you.
417
00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:44,972
Hold up.
418
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:46,074
Yeah?
419
00:17:46,174 --> 00:17:49,247
Uh, I saw security footage
of our race,
420
00:17:49,347 --> 00:17:51,752
and you didn't trip me.
421
00:17:51,852 --> 00:17:54,123
Ha! I knew it. I beat your ass.
422
00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:56,461
Piano man,
play "We Are the Champions."
423
00:17:56,562 --> 00:17:59,400
Not if you want
to get paid, Lawrence.
424
00:17:59,467 --> 00:18:00,603
Listen.
425
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:03,208
There's something else
I want to tell you.
426
00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:05,680
I think you should train CJ.
427
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:06,782
Really?
428
00:18:06,882 --> 00:18:08,886
Yeah, you ran track.
429
00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:10,557
You'd be a better coach.
430
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,763
And it's hard for me
to teach what's God-given.
431
00:18:13,863 --> 00:18:16,101
-Well, thank you.
-Yeah.
432
00:18:16,201 --> 00:18:17,503
You think it'll be okay
even though
433
00:18:17,571 --> 00:18:19,641
I don't have
a penis full of speed?
434
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:21,211
Yeah, that was stupid.
435
00:18:21,277 --> 00:18:24,317
Clearly you've got
a lot of it in your boobs.
436
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:34,872
Hey, I got your text.
437
00:18:34,938 --> 00:18:36,007
Everything all right?
438
00:18:36,041 --> 00:18:38,512
Yeah, I just wanted to see you.
439
00:18:38,646 --> 00:18:40,315
Oh, okay.
440
00:18:40,416 --> 00:18:41,752
You said "important,"
441
00:18:41,852 --> 00:18:43,990
so I thought you got locked
on the roof again.
442
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,426
(laughs)
443
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,829
So what's up?
444
00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:48,766
Okay, well, um...
445
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,469
I've been thinking.
446
00:18:50,536 --> 00:18:52,506
What's, like,
your favorite moment
447
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:53,810
we've ever spent together?
448
00:18:53,876 --> 00:18:55,045
Oh, that's easy.
449
00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:56,281
The first time
we ever sang together.
450
00:18:56,348 --> 00:18:58,653
"Time of My Life"
from Dirty Dancing?
451
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,224
Yeah, karaoke contest
at Warblers.
452
00:19:01,324 --> 00:19:03,061
We came in second
to those frat boys
453
00:19:03,128 --> 00:19:04,530
doing "Bohemian Rhapsody."
454
00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,602
They didn't even know
who Galileo was.
455
00:19:06,669 --> 00:19:08,773
Yeah, idiots.
456
00:19:11,779 --> 00:19:14,852
So... what's yours?
457
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:18,225
Sophomore year,
the night we finished finals.
458
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,730
-Aw.
-We took a blanket to the park.
459
00:19:20,797 --> 00:19:22,868
We had pizza and beer.
460
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:24,972
We're all growed up now.
461
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,581
And we made wishes
on a shooting star.
462
00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:31,986
Mine...
463
00:19:32,086 --> 00:19:34,157
was that
that night would never end.
464
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,261
That's so sweet.
465
00:19:36,929 --> 00:19:39,668
Mine was that Rob Schneider
would make The Hot Chick 2.
466
00:19:39,735 --> 00:19:42,406
(both laugh)
467
00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:46,214
Max, I don't want
to lose moments like that.
468
00:19:46,281 --> 00:19:48,886
Like this.
469
00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:50,824
What? Why would we?
470
00:19:50,924 --> 00:19:52,894
Because if this dating thing
doesn't work out,
471
00:19:52,994 --> 00:19:55,499
it's gonna be weird.
472
00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:00,509
So...
473
00:20:01,311 --> 00:20:03,950
So you're saying that
you don't want to do this?
474
00:20:04,016 --> 00:20:05,687
It's not worth it if it means
475
00:20:05,754 --> 00:20:08,291
we're never gonna be
Kat and Max again.
476
00:20:08,893 --> 00:20:11,297
(exhales)
477
00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:15,506
I get why you're afraid.
478
00:20:15,607 --> 00:20:16,776
I am, too.
479
00:20:16,876 --> 00:20:18,613
But...
480
00:20:18,679 --> 00:20:21,886
I think that we have
a chance at something
481
00:20:21,986 --> 00:20:24,257
really special.
482
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:27,429
So do I.
483
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,167
And I can't promise
484
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,237
that this is gonna work out,
485
00:20:31,304 --> 00:20:33,843
but I can promise
486
00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:37,249
that you are never gonna
lose me as a friend.
487
00:20:37,951 --> 00:20:40,122
How can you promise that?
488
00:20:40,189 --> 00:20:42,426
Kat.
489
00:20:43,128 --> 00:20:45,332
You couldn't lose me
if you tried.
490
00:20:53,816 --> 00:20:55,587
Should we go inside?
491
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:57,223
Or should we stay right here?
492
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,160
I don't think
anybody can see us.
493
00:20:59,227 --> 00:21:01,932
(whispers):
He doesn't know about you.
494
00:21:05,874 --> 00:21:09,013
♪ We need peace ♪
495
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,654
♪ We need love ♪
496
00:21:13,288 --> 00:21:16,161
♪ You're my beloved ♪
497
00:21:16,194 --> 00:21:19,935
♪ I'm not a boy ♪
498
00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:24,343
♪ I've been around a little
longer than 40 years now ♪
499
00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:27,416
♪ And one thing that I know ♪
500
00:21:27,516 --> 00:21:31,157
♪ Is nothing, nothing changes ♪
501
00:21:31,224 --> 00:21:35,600
♪ If we'll just... ♪
502
00:21:35,633 --> 00:21:37,737
Captioning sponsored by
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503
00:21:37,804 --> 00:21:40,577
Captioned by
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