Original subtitles

Jane, do you love me? Of course I love you Johnny!

Then make love with me! I'm tired of waiting.

Well, I'm not ready yet, Johnny.

It's only been an hour since the abortion.

Beer for breakfast? You're getting a beer belly!

It's not jut beer... it's...BEER ROIDS!

Aww, look at the cute dog!

Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh! Gross! Ahhhhhhh!!

What the fuuuuuuck!?

Mr. Pickles!

Mr. Pickles!

Good boy!

He's a dog!

People's Best Friend!

Mr. Pickles!

There you are!

Good boy!

How do you like breakfast dear? Disgusting!

Says here, they're turning half the hardware store into a strip club. Really!?

Ah, the world is changing!

You know, nowadays parents teach kids to use microwaves instead of how to fish!

Dad can you teach me how to fish! No son, I have to work.

Why?

Your father is a telemarketer. Salesman! I'm a telephone salesman.

Yes dear. You see Tommy, sometimes you have to adapt,

or you will become extinct like here the Donkey-bird.

Says here, anybody able to prove it still exists will get their picture in the paper.

The Donkey-bird!? Maybe Mr. Pickles and I can find him!

And get our picture in the papers...like Mom!

No! That dog is evil!

Here we go again. Dad! I found dirty magazines in your room this morning.

Huh!? You should be ashamed! Wait! I can explain!

Last night I woke up to Mr. Pickles outside in a pentagram of fire!

Then I followed him into town.

He grabbed a nice lady behind the dumpster and scalped her! Cut off her legs and used as stilts!

Put on a dance show, and walked into the gas station with a bunch of money!

I, I, I went home to tell everybody but there he was! In my room!

Drinking Vodka, huffing gas and rubbing his PUD on my bed while looking at dirty magazines.

Hey! Woof! And that's how they got there! That's all I remembered...

You and your crazy stories, you're really losing it in your old age. Oh, I'll prove it!

You'll see! Besides, Mr. Pickles is a little angel.

Well Tommy, how about you go sign up to the Troop Scouts?

It says here, they're going on an expedition to the Great Outdoors today.

What do you think about that, Mr. Pickles!?

Woof! Oh, Mr. Pickles sure is excited.

Come on, Mr. Pickles!

Today is going to be a great adventure!

Whoa, cool!

Hello, Preacher Pettibone! Nice to see you today!

Hey, get off the road man! Why, hiya there!

Mr. Pickles, are you thirsty? Why you call him Mr. Pickles?

Because he loooves pickles! and he gets one everytime he's a good boy.

Well get him off my breakfast. We're off to find the Donkey-bird.

We're gonna be famous!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Well, hello there Tommy! What's popping young brother?

Hi Mr. Bojenkins!

Say Tommy, I need someone to watch my pitbulls while I get some uhh...hardware tooools!

Grrrr! Grrrr! .yad ecin a evah uoy epoh I .hcum yrev uoy evol I! *whimper whimper*

Sorry, Mr. Bojenkins, I'm going to the Great Outdoors!

OK! Be careful out there you hear! Holler at your boy, my neighbor!

How! Me Chief Bob! I am Tommy and this is Mr. Pickles

and we want to go to the Great Outdoors! Chief Bob not interested!

But I walked all the way from home! Well I don't care you piece of dung! Quit harassing me or I'll shove

my rainstick so far up your ass you'll crap lightning bolts!

Uhh, sorry, young white man. Darn telemarketers.

*hangs up*

Hmmm... No sale yet, deadman? Last week you couldn't sell 4-wheeler tanning bed. OK?

I'm sorry, but I try... What! I'm sorry, didn't catch that. No, OK, no.

If you don't make a sale today, you're fired! But who would buy a hot tub air balloon?

Ah, you put a logo on something and idiots will buy it.

*slurp*

Now show me you got what it takes to be here, amongst the best!

I'm drinking mayonnaise.

Hmmm, that can't be good for you Floyd. It's low fat, now I'm on a diet. *squeezes bottle*

Troop Scouts aboard! Off we gooo!

Nice legs freak, what did your mom bang the tin man? Hahahahahahaha! Grrrrr!

Huh? Uhh!

I got you now, you dumb dog!

Linda, what are you selling today? Mrs. Goodman, I uhh got some new products in for my faaavorite customer.

I, I, I, I paid two dollars for this electrical brush, brand new!

Hmmm, sorry, Mr. Goodman doesn't like modern devices around the house.

Huh!? Got to go make a pie now, bye Linda. Wait! Wait!

Uhh, uhh well how 'bout this electric pie mixster?

Oh nice, how much? 50 dollars.

Sheriff, come quick! I have proof Mr. Pickles is a, murderer!

Mr. Pickles again ehh? Weeell I reckon I'll stop by laaater, I'm investigating a missing person now, official police business.

Now describe your friend again. Well, she has a tattoo of a dolphin on her ankle.

Thanks Candy, you're the best sister a guy could have. Thanks brother.

Rake it up! Oh ho ho!

Here we are! The Great Outdoors!

Huh?

Chief Bob 1% Cherokee & the sun has set. We camp here amongst stars like my ancestors.

Uhhh hey yah hey yah heeeey~!!

We now return to: Illegal Alien.

Wha? Ahhhhh!! *riiip* Brrrr ai yi yi yi yi~!

Brrr ha ha ha ha ha ha! Chief Bob! Can we go fishing today?

Owww! Coffee & chili dog fight like hawk & snake in Chief Bob's stomach!

Ahhh~ I got to crap! Pronto! Oh...

Hello, Mrs. Goodman. I hope you don't mind me coming in unannounced now.

Oh, you could cum in...mmmm my mouth...which is full, Sheriff.

Huh? I apologize, come in whenever you like Sheriff.

Sheriff! I thought you never come. Huh?

Come! *moans*

*moans* Come! Well don't just stand there! Are you gonna come or not? *moans*

Come on out the back Sheriff! I got to show you something.

Your crazy stories are making it really HARD around here. I'm about to blow!

Sheriff will come when he's good & ready!

*squeeeeeeeeeze*

I think this low-fat mayonnaise diet is really working!. Eh heh, you want some!?

Not now Floyd. Oh, if only there was a way to be out there fishing with Tommy today

and still sell a hot tub air balloon.

OK, why don't we get back to work and actually earn these paychecks? OK.

Spend it wisely, Goodman. Cuz if you don't make a sale today, it will be your last one. Hehehehehe!

Get to work, OK?

I can't get this last of the mayonnaise out. It's trapped in here! *panting* It's it's...

Trapped! We're trapped in here!

I say we hit that alien with everything we got! But all we got is this wooden end of this broomstick!

Ai yi yi yi yi yi~!! *whack* Candy?

That ain't candy, it's multiplying!

*humming*

Chief Bob's really been gone awhile.

*woof* What is it, boy? Did you find the Donkey-bird?

*woof* Get out of my way, loser! Huh!?

What are you looking at? Run for your lives!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~!!

Come! It's over he..

What the? It was right here.

Look! It's been dragged into those woods!

Come, Sheriff! *sigh* *click*

There's no cell phone reception out here. We're lost!

Mr. Pickles will lead us out of here. Shut up, that dog is as worthless as your legs!

Hahahaha! Huh?

*roar*! Ahhh, ahhhhhhh! Help! Help!

Mr. Pickles, help him! *woof*

!uoy evah tsum I .sdrow dnoybe si tyuaeb rouY

Mr. Pickles, you saved me! *woof* I owe you my life!

*rip* Ouch! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! *splat*

I can't believe I paid for a hot tub air balloon. Why? It's just a logo for some dumb new beer!

Tommy must be down there somewhere.

Ain't no sign of that dang Donkey-bird anywhere! I sure am hungry...

Forget the Donkey-bird! Look!

That buck must be a million feet tall! Whoa oh oh!

Ahhhhhh!

My leg! Oh gosh! Dad! You came to save us!

Owww! Ow! Ouch! Ohhh! Oh Tommy! Ahem. My leg is hurt pretty bad son.

Mr. Pickles! Go get help boy! Go find the Sheriff! *woof*

Please! Help me, Mr. Pickles! Carry me into town! *woof*

Good boy. Ey, wait! *crack*

Tommy, where's your scout leader? Oh! He went to sleep, standing up.

Hmm well, how about we go fishing today, son? Oh boy! But how?

Hmmm...steroid beer. Ehh I have had about enough of this!

Oh! Wooow~! So that's how you fish!

*bang* Tommy! Get down!

Eh hehehehe! Wha?? You idiot! That be nothing but a bunch of skin!

Shooo whooooa~! *splat* Ohhhh...

Sheriff, you have came! We heard gun shots! *woof*

Mr. Pickles!

Ah ha! See? I told ya! There's Mr. Pickles with the leg.

Mr. Pickles found the Donkey-bird. And he led me right to a murder suspect!

Hey what? That's the tattoo from the missing stripper!

Get that bird, boys!

*bang/click* Breaking Neeews!

Hero dog finds killer Donkey-bird.

Also this just in, my new mixtape hot of the press, son! Holla~

Where my dogs at? Hey what's up, dawg!

Where my dogs at!? I'm right here, dawg! Whassup?

No! Where are my dogs!?

*muffled* "Over here~" Whoo hooo! Hoe down!

Sounds like you had quite an adventure today, Tommy. I sure did!

I learned how to fish! And what else did you learn?

I learn that Donkey-birds kill strippers and eat their flesh! Well, not anymore. Thanks to Mr. Pickles. *woof*

Good Boy! Mr. Pickles!

Urm hmmm... Eh heh heh heh..uhh! Ohhhh....ohhh!

Eww! Gross!

Huh!? I got you now you dumb dog.

Come, everybody! That dog is evil! I can prove it ahhh! Owwww!

Oh great! Now you're drinking too!? What! Huh!?

You're sleeping out here tonight. No! What is the world coming to?

What? I don't remember! Goodnight grandpa!

Mr. Pickles!

Good boy!

He's a dog!

People's Best Friend!