Original subtitles

Bye.

I'm John Oliver. Thank you so much for joining us. It has been a very busy

COP 30, the UN's climate conference, began without an official delegation

the US. The last ever penny was minted in Philadelphia. And in Russia, a new AI

robot was unveiled. And it didn't go great.

It's incredible.

Every single part of that is perfect, from the robot's gait, which gives drunk

Grandpa going to piss after accidentally falling asleep in his chair, to it

being dragged off stage like a bachelorette being removed from a

I'm sorry, that curtain.

And I don't want to judge here, but it feels like bare minimum. You shouldn't

allowed to work anywhere near engineering if you cannot successfully

curtain on the first try.

Meanwhile, in Washington, the government shutdown ended after eight Senate

Democrats caved, so Wednesday really should have been a good day for the

president until this happened.

President Trump refusing to answer why he won't let the FBI release the Jeffrey

Epstein files, even as just -revealed messages written by the sex offender

new questions about their friendship and whether Trump was aware of Epstein's

crimes. Trump's name coming up again and again.

In a 2017 email to former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers, Epstein

have met some very bad people, none as bad as Trump. Not one decent cell in his

body. So yes.

dangerous wow that doesn't look great when even the guy running the pervert

express to crime island thinks that you are a dick that has got to stink i

know the trump seems to be immune to shame but come on at some point he's

to look at himself in the mirror and even if briefly think not as bad as me

captain freak of the floating sex dungeon thinks i am the worst

Fuck, that is rough.

The White House has been in damage control mode ever since, even insisting

the emails prove Trump did nothing wrong, which they very much do not. But

perhaps the boldest attempt to spin these revelations came from Megyn Kelly,

who, for some reason, felt it was important to make one thing clear.

I do know somebody very, very close to this case who is in a position to know

virtually everything.

Jeffrey Epstein, in this person's view...

Was not a pedophile. This is this person's view who was there for a lot of

but that he was into the barely legal type. Like he liked 15 year old girls.

And I realized this is disgusting. I'm definitely not trying to make an excuse

for this. He wasn't into like eight year olds, but he liked the very young teen

type that could pass for even younger than they were, but would look legal to

passerby. Look, it's.

You can say that's a distinction without a difference. No, it's not. I think

there is a difference. There's a difference between a 15 -year -old and a

-year -old. You know, it's just whatever.

Yeah, that clip starts with, I know someone who's super in the middle of all

Epstein shit, and it somehow gets sketchier from there.

Because if I'm understanding you there, and I am definitely not...

Epstein wasn't into eight -year -olds, he was just into very young teens who

could pass for even younger, while also to passers -by still somehow managing to

look legal. And you felt that this was an important numerical distinction to

bring up to your yes -anding friend here. Look, I'm clearly no stranger to

sharing upsetting numbers with my audience, but please do kill me if I

start doing pedophile math.

Now, the House is apparently set to vote this coming week on whether the DOJ

must release all its Epstein polls, so there will clearly be a lot more to say

about this going forward. But for now, we're going to dive straight in with our

main story this week, which concerns public media. It's brought us Sesame

Street, NPR's Tiny Desk concert, and the joy of painting with Bob Ross, which

once featured this exceptional reveal.

OK, we'll just put a little of that colour on the fan brush.

End in our world.

Maybe there lives, what there does now, just some happy little trees back in

here.

These little trees would be a super place for my little squirrel. If you've

painted with me before, you know I have all kinds of little creature pets.

I'm going to share with you my latest little squirrel that's living with me.

is the most precious little thing.

You have to force him to eat, see.

We call him Peapod the Pocket Squirrel.

Oh, my God!

Peapod's the pocket squirrel might be the best sequence of words in the

of the English language.

And admit it, for a moment, you thought he was talking about an imaginary

squirrel there. You heard him say, these little trees will be a super place for

my little squirrel. And you assumed he was referring to an animal he was about

to paint, not a living rodent on his person.

Even when he moved the dropper towards his pocket, a physical squirrel wasn't

your mental horizon. You just figured...

It was a weird paint tool and there no way was a real -life fucking squirrel

chilling in this guy's clothes. There was just no fucking way. What if it

But have you ever been happier to be wrong?

Also, fun fact, Peapod wasn't Bob Ross's only squirrel. He apparently built an

enormous cage outside of his home in which he nursed orphaned squirrels back

health, which is presumably why this absolute banger of a photo...

Exists. And sorry to every living supermodel, but that is a pout.

Anyway, in America, almost all public media falls under the Corporation for

Public Broadcasting, which until recently distributed funding to over 500

and TV grantees, representing more than 1 ,500 locally managed and operated

stations nationwide.

Together, the system reaches nearly 99 % of the US population with free

programming and services.

And public media has been truly innovative.

in reaching underserved audiences. It was public TV stations that first

closed captioning in the 1970s, and stations around the country offer

programming in Haitian Creole, Navajo, Vietnamese, and many other languages.

as you undoubtedly know, it is now facing a serious threat.

As over the summer, Congress decided to eliminate $1 .1 billion that had been

allocated to fund public broadcasting for the next two years. It was something

that Trump celebrated like this.

Public broadcasting, they've been looking to get it out of there for

and billions of dollars.

And very, very unfair, very, very unfair reporting.

They would I would say they make CNN look honest.

And we got rid of it. Finally, we got rid of it. We got rid of billions of

dollars that was wasted on that.

You know what? I can't explain this in a precise way, but Donald Trump proudly

slurring his way through another on -purpose disaster might be the

opposites of Bob Ross and Peapod. In fact, if you play those two clips at the

same time, I think the world might explode.

But it is true, in July, Congress approved Trump's plan to eliminate the

funding entirely.

It is one of many egregious actions this administration has taken, which is why

the number one search on Google this year is probably going to end up being,

wait, can the government do that?

And all of this has understandably upset a lot of people, even some that you may

not have thought would be fans of public media, like this guy.

Public radio, it's a national treasure.

I mean, where else would you go? As a young man, I watched Ginger Baker

have a drum off against the drummer from Rat.

And, you know, on Rock School on PBS.

You're not going to find that on network television.

Not to mention Sesame Street. I mean, look, this is Mr.

Rogers. It's quality programming, and it always has been, and it's a damn shame

to just throw it in the toilet like that.

Okay, so there is a lot to say there, but mostly the top half of him is not

problem. But I know what you're thinking.

You are thinking, I had no idea that the berserker Blothar, lead vocalist of

heavy metal band Gwar, was such a fan of public media. But apparently, he is.

And it is both beautiful and confusing to watch him utter the words, Mr.

As it's hard to imagine them in the same universe. Although, I'll say, I would

love to have seen Gwar on Mr.

Rogers. Blothar, you are special just the way you are.

Your diseased undercarriage composed of abscess riddled penises makes you, you.

But he is right.

This budget cut is devastating. Actually, maybe take that down.

This cut will be felt all over, but especially in rural, remote and tribal

communities. One analysis estimates that as many as 115 stations, collectively

serving 43 million Americans, are likely to close by mid -next year.

And as a DJ at this Colorado station explains, these stations can fill a

community role.

One of the things that we do is provide public service announcements that inform

people of meetings that are important to the community that they don't always

get in a timely fashion otherwise.

Some examples that I just read on this morning's show included an announcement

about a distribution of school supplies that is occurring today.

Here's an announcement about a free Sloppy Joe luncheon for veterans and

homeless.

Exactly. That man who looks like Santa Claus, if he got just the right amount

into the Grateful Dead, is completely right. He should also, by the way,

probably be public radio's new mascot, given he has the quintessential public

radio voice, beard and general vibe.

Honestly, if the next NPR tote for sale does not have that man's face on it,

they're leaving money on the table.

The point is, public media provides incredible benefits to the communities

it serves, and it has just suffered a gigantic blow.

So given that, tonight, let's talk about public media, how it works, what it

does, and how we go forward. And let's start with the fact that the system as

currently know it started when LBJ signed the Public Broadcasting Act of

into law, announcing it like this.

This corporation will assist stations and producers who aim for the best in

broadcasting good music, in broadcasting exciting plays, in broadcasting reports

on the whole fascinating range,

of human activity it will try to prove that what educates can also

be exciting it will get part of its support from our government but it will

carefully guarded from government or from party control it will be free

and it will be independent and it will belong to all of our people yeah that

a bold move The kind of thing that takes some truly enormous balls, which, as

you should know from recordings that we've played of LBJ complaining to the

of the company that made his trousers that the crotch down where your nuts

is always a little too tight, he definitely had.

And quick side note, you may remember a few weeks ago, we had this potentially

life -size replica of LBJ's balls made and offered them to his presidential

library. Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we heard from

them. The bad news is they politely declined our offer, but in doing so

please accept this basket of fruit and nuts as a token of our appreciation for

all you do.

This is the basket they sent, which contains, and this is true, a variety of

nuts and fruits, all in sets of two, which is excellent.

Anyway, as Lyndon Bulls Johnson just said, that one act authorised the

of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which then in turn created

and NPR. But the CPP's role wasn't to directly produce content or oversee

media as a state arm. It was primarily to distribute funding for it while

crucially remaining independent of the government. That is why the CPP is a

private, non -profit corporation. The only issue is that despite not being a

government agency, It is still funded like one. Its funding is embedded in the

annual congressional appropriations process.

And because Congress controls its funding, that's always left the CPB

to political attacks. Almost from the start, it has been a punching bag for

Republicans. Just two years after it was created, Nixon proposed slashing its

funding in half, reportedly to help meet the financial demands of the Vietnam

War. Because apparently, the CPB was a bad use of public money, unlike, you

know, Vietnam.

That is what led to this famous moment in a hearing about the CPB's funding

Fred Rogers addressed a skeptical senator and described what his show was

about. This is what I give. I give an expression of care every day to each

to help him realize that he is unique.

I end the program by saying, you've made this day a special day by just your

being you.

There's no person in the whole world like you. And I like you just the way

are. And I feel that if we in public television can only make

it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have

done a great service.

I think it's wonderful.

I think it's wonderful.

Looks like you just earned the $20 million.

Wow! That is a truly heartwarming thing that would never, ever happen

today.

If Mr. Rogers had given that exact same testimony this year, Ted Cruz would have

called him a radical left lunatic, Fox News would have run with the headline

Rogers' Socialist Neighborhood, and the White House would have posted an AI

video of President Trump kicking him in the balls.

But while public media's funding was saved on that day, It has been

consistently ever since, usually with complaints about its so -called liberal

bias. Why is there this small elite group at the Corporation for Public

Broadcasting that gets to spend money they didn't earn?

What right do they have to dole out your money? I think the people at PBS see

themselves as social agents. They see themselves as having this great forum,

this great platform to push what they think will be the good society.

It is brainwashing the American people and more significantly American children

with un -American, anti -family, pro -crime, fake news.

Okay, so a few things in order. First, what right do they have to spend money

they didn't earn applies to literally any use of taxpayer money. And also,

congratulations to Newt and Callista Gingrich on their documentary Journey to

America, released this year on, guess what, PBS.

Second, if you're curious why this guy was speaking on behalf of a group called

Concerned Women for America, so am I. And finally...

As for Marjorie Taylor Greene's comment, I think we all know what she means by

anti -family, but I'd love to know what PBS programming is being interpreted as

pro -crime. Is the episode of Arthur where the brain gets himself into a Dr.

Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation? Because I guess you could argue that it inspires

kids to commit potion -fueled vandalism, but I think the only real crime

involved is that this song has been lodged in my brain for over two decades

That song will now be in your head until the day that you die.

It was my curse and now it is yours too.

Anyway, that clip is from earlier this year at a hearing that Green chaired

where the CEOs of NPR and PBS were questioned about why, in her words,

funds were being spent on left -wing echo chambers for mostly wealthy white

urban liberals and progressives who generally look down on and judge rural

America. This hearing was...

Again and again, members of Congress would take a tiny, out -of -context

snippet, sometimes of something that aired on just one station, and demand

the heads of those organizations defend them. Here is one congressman who

thought he really had something.

Do you think that you should publish something that calls trees racist?

In retrospect, should you have published that?

I'm not sure what you're referring to. You had a segment that was called racist

trees. I mean, we've already referenced a number of times. So, I mean, do you

think trees can be racist? I guess that's a good one. I don't know what

talking about. I've never heard of what you're referring to. All right.

Well, I have, because we looked it up and it turns out it wasn't a segment

how trees are racist. It was this documentary telling the story of a

historically black neighbourhood in Palm Springs and their decades -long fight

for the removal of a wall of trees that many believed were originally planted as

a totem of segregation.

So, I guess I'd answer his question of do you think trees can be racist with a

question of my own, specifically, do you understand that the titles of movies

are not always 100 % literal?

The Shining is not about a successful shoe polishing business.

And The Wolf of Wall Street isn't about an actual wolf with a successful

investment strategy. Now, should it have been?

Absolutely it should. But sadly, it wasn't. And look, there can be a good

debate over bias in the media, liberal or otherwise. But I'll point out that a

lot of the time...

What conservatives claim as liberal bias is often just things like showing

there's a long history of racism in America or that gay people exist, making

hard to interpret those criticisms as anything other than bigotry. And yet,

arguments like those just got used to justify zeroing out the entire budget of

the CPB, which is just stupid.

In many places, it'll actually have the exact opposite of the intended effect.

And to understand why...

It's worth talking about where all those federal dollars went.

Because while some of the CPB funding did go directly to PBS, and NPR at the

national level, the vast majority of it, more than 70%, went directly to local

public radio and television stations, who used it to do things like produce

local programs, purchase equipment, and acquire national programming, like All

Things Considered and the PBS NewsHour. And for many stations, that was just one

way they got funded, because none relied completely on the federal government.

In fact, one survey found that on average, local public TV stations relied

federal funding for 18 % of their budget, with radio stations having...

an average reliance of around 14%. And a big way they've always made up the

difference is through, as you undoubtedly know, viewers or listeners

That is why so many stations seem to be constantly running pledge drives. Just

take this one from Washington State in 1999, featuring a certain former co

of mine.

Please call in at 1 -800 -443 -1999 and subscribe.

Because you can't get programming like Mr. Bean.

You can't get programming like Red Dwarf anywhere else except for Channel 9. As

you've already seen tonight, British comedy is so amazing.

And you can't get that on any other channel, practically.

And it's so wonderful that Channel 9 can bring this to you. Rowan Atkinson is a

genius. And it's just so great that we can bring you all the episodes in one

entire... night. Mr. Bean is a phenomenal television program in

asked for it to be here in Washington, and you get an entire evening of it, and

it's just wonderful.

I just can't tell you how I'm so excited about Mr. Bean and things like Black

Adder and Red Dwarf and British comedy brought to you on Channel 9, so please

call. Yeah, that is a young Joel McHale going all out to raise money for his

local PBS station, and he was going in hard on the Mr. Bean element there.

Those clips go from, wow, Joel really likes Mr.

Bean, to, wait, did Mr. Bean say he's going to pay him, to, did Mr. Bean say

he's going to kill him?

The point is, some local stations heavily depend on donations to get by,

lot are operating on a shoestring to begin with, like this one in Louisiana.

Before the sun comes up. Alarm went off at 4 in the morning.

Got here at 5 .30.

Jeff Farrell turns on the lights at the only NPR news radio station in

Shreveport, Louisiana.

Partly cloudy and 73.

Farrell is the only full -time news employee at Red River Radio.

He's the news director, on -air host.

The time is now 8 .04.

Field producer.

How much of a difference?

Writer.

And sound editor.

15 -hour days covering news in three states.

Do I rest for a second? Yeah. I'll take a quick 15 -minute pause and then

recharge. So you sleep in your office?

Sometimes.

Holy shit!

The only thing more alarming than that man's workload is the way he briefly

dissociated before saying...

Sometimes. That was either an existential cry for help, or he just

how to micro -nap in the middle of an interview.

But having a tiny staff is not uncommon, and in some parts of the country,

particularly less affluent or more rural areas, stations may not be able to

raise what they need through their communities, so...

they've relied more heavily on federal funding. Remember how I said states have

relied on it for around 14 % to 18 % of their budget?

That's an average.

For some, it's been much more, because while WNYC, New York's public radio

station, lost about 4 % of its annual budget when the CPP got cut, KLND in

McLaughlin, South Dakota, lost 50%, and KSHI on the Zuni Pueblo in New Mexico

lost 96%. And when budgets get slashed...

One way an outlet can cut costs is by producing less local reporting and

more on content that they license from NPR and PBS at the national level. So

while I personally think the green caricature of them pumping out un

programming that doesn't reflect community values is total bullshit, the

is the more local stations' budgets are slashed, the more they may come to rely

on programming produced in those urban echo chambers.

As the executive director of a station in California said, the local stuff

that's so important to people is probably the stuff that'll go away.

And it's worth talking about what some of that local stuff is, because it can

woven into people's lives in all sorts of ways. High school sports, for

instance, have become some of the most popular local programmes on PBS

with the former CEO of Arkansas PBS saying it's one of those things that

everybody loves, but isn't necessarily a money -making venture, so commercial

networks aren't going to really commit to high school sports.

Other areas use public media in quirky ways. In rural Northern California, this

station has a regular segment called Trading Time, where people call in to

items to sell, trade or give away. And during place drive season, callers will

sometimes even contribute the proceeds back to the station, leading to once -in

-a -lifetime offers like this one.

Good morning. We have a bidet that we just remodeled the bathroom.

Took out the bidet that we weren't using. It's in excellent condition. It's

Kohler. And if you go to get one new, they're like $300 or $400.

But we will sell this one for...

$50 your best offer and donate all the money to the pledge drive. Okay, so it's

a good day for a bidet.

John and Mendo's got one for you. If you buy it, $50 your best offer. He's going

to donate that right to the station.

Wonderful.

Yeah, it is wonderful.

It's also, let's be honest, super weird.

The saddest six -word story may be, for sale, baby shoes never worn.

But the weirdest one is, for sale, used bidet for charity.

And if you, like me, thought that was another artefact of the 90s, you should

know it is from three weeks ago.

And it is great to know that public radio can still be a resource for bidet

-related news and discussion.

All this time, I thought the only place to go for that was the bidets subreddit,

where you can find posts like, I didn't buy a bidet, I bought an amusement park

ride for my butt.

Having a bidet at home has really ruined the allure of pooping at work.

My bidet keeps splashing into my balls. And there's a similar post, husband's

chestnuts getting busted in Canada.

Which goes on to say, husband's honey nuts getting brutalised by the bidet.

Gentlemen, help him, Canadian cantaloupes are compromised.

But obviously, it is not all high school sports and bidets. In some places,

public media is the only source of local news.

According to one analysis, in nine counties, a public broadcasting station

the sole source of local news coverage.

And in 47 others, it's one of only two, with the other typically being a weekly

newspaper. And local public media scored some amazing scoops to rattle off just

a few.

In West Virginia, these outlets uncovered the fact that Bob Murray,

the pod, fought against black lung regulations and then filed for black

benefits for himself, which is exactly the kind of behaviour that might lead

someone to tell you to go eat shit.

In Alaska, KTOO.

broke the story of a massive food stamp backlog affecting thousands of people,

with the Alaska Press Club later writing that it was the reporter's community

-based reporting and relationships with sources that brought light to a state

problem that affected thousands of Alaskans whose voices needed to be

And a reporter at this radio station in New Hampshire produced both a massive

investigation and this podcast about alleged sexual misconduct at the largest

addiction treatment centre in the state. And she kept at that reporting.

even as the target of her investigation sued her in a station and at her house,

and those of her parents and her boss were vandalized. And that's something

she later explained to her public TV station.

My husband checks our security cameras, and sure enough, a brick had been thrown

through my living room window, and the words, just the beginning, were spray

-painted, exclamation point.

under the broken window um and you have a young daughter i do have a young

daughter and was there a point when you thought maybe i won't be continuing this

did it make you think about dropping this not wanting to continue working on

you know um i never considered stopping yeah that is incredibly brave

especially because i'm assuming that that message didn't continue just the

beginning of a storied career in investigative journalism keep up the

p .s the brick is made of chocolate

The point is, local public media is filled with impressive reporting like

In fact, we've relied on it on this show in pieces that we've done about HOAs,

juvenile justice, and in our first and second lethal injection stories. And if

you're hearing those and thinking, man, this show is more depressing than I

remembered, girl, same.

And as this manager for a tribal station in Oregon explains, if budget cuts mean

she can't afford to broadcast news to her listeners...

That's going to be a problem not just for her station, but for everyone.

We do our own local newscast and we can cover Warm Springs better than anybody.

Mainstream media doesn't necessarily show up unless something very bad has

happened. She'll have to make cuts and she expects to lose access to national

news. And tribal network.

Native America calling in national native news. And those are programs that

people here love and tune in for like every day at 10 o 'clock.

Leaving the high desert at risk of becoming a news desert.

There'll be like a void where probably incorrect information will grow.

Exactly. And I know.

That when you hear void where incorrect information will grow, you immediately

think of whatever infinite chasm is behind Megyn Kelly's eyes. But in this

it means something else. And even beyond news, public media can be how critical

information gets disseminated in communities with limited broadband or

service. Public radio may be the only way to distribute missing and endangered

persons alerts.

It can also be crucial during an emergency like a hurricane.

Remember that station?

where one guy is the only full -time news employee, if it goes away, a lot

with it.

About 19 % of Louisiana lives in poverty, and 15 % don't have Internet

according to the U .S. Census.

You can't afford satellite TV. You can't buy cable.

And they're alone.

And so it is a lifeline. And what's great about this is that...

They feel connected. They stay connected to the world. These radio emergency

alerts are vital during hurricane season, warning folks where and when

will hit.

Public radio saves lives.

The emergency broadcast system, without it, people would die.

Right. Without their emergency broadcast system, people would die. If you take

one thing away from this piece, it really should be that, even though,

unfortunately, it will probably be this instead.

Jekyll, hide, hide, Jekyll.

Jekyll, Jekyll, hide, Jekyll, hide. You're living this for the rest of your

life. This is never, ever leaving your brain. It's tattooed onto your eardrums.

It's not just that. Some stations have also jumped in to serve their listeners,

even when they're not prepared to. Take Blue Ridge Public Radio in North

Carolina, which had to pivot into emergency alerts during Hurricane Helene

year, when its small staff of seven didn't just report through the storm and

immediate aftermath, but they also kept working through a 53 -day stretch where

locals didn't have access to clean water.

And if you hear the messages they got from listeners afterwards, you get a

picture of just how much their work meant to people.

You guys were wonderful and you sustained me. I was isolated on a

My wife and I are so thankful for your constant presence during this crisis.

Keep it up. We love you. Thank you guys so much for being there.

It's just going to make me cry because you're the only source of information

that we've had.

Thank you. Bye -bye.

Yeah, that's incredibly moving.

Honestly, I feel like I'm going to cry, and I haven't cried at a radio segment

since that time I heard about a near -mint -conditioned cola bidet being sold

for the low, low price of $50.

So that is what is at stake here. And while some might suggest that the free

market will fill in the gaps, in many cases, these stations only exist because

the free market has shown that it won't.

Because, unfortunately, it may well not find value in localised emergency

alerts. during hurricanes, or announcing free sloppy joes for veterans, or even

in pocket squirrels, which is madness, given they should clearly be the most

valuable commodity on the fucking planet.

As the general manager of Blue Ridge Public Radio told one reporter, NBC

news can show you pictures of devastating flooding, but they don't

where to get fresh water.

NBC News is not for that.

And she's right. NBC isn't focused on emergency information on the local

It's clearly focused on one thing and one thing only, keeping Lorne Michaels

alive.

And frankly, it's always been a bit weird how little we fund public media,

how vital it can be. Because to be clear here, US public media is a global

outlier in how little federal funding it receives. Even before these cuts,

federal spending amounted to less than $1 .60 per capita audit, compared to

countries like Norway, Sweden and the UK, which devote nearly $100 or more.

research shows a positive correlation between the strength of public media

systems and the health of democracies.

And given that the health of our democracy is currently best described as

one photo of Prince Philip where he was in the car, we could use all the public

media funding we can get right now. So, what can we do? Well, in a universe in

which a competent, effective government were in place, we'd ideally work on a

long -term fix for the way the CPB's funded, instead of giving Congress the

power to take its money away every two years.

we'd institute some kind of tax or licensing fee that could reliably fund

That is something people have been recommending since the CPB was first

Sadly, we do not live in that universe right now. And until we do, public media

is in a dire situation.

Now, fortunately, there's been a big public push recently to raise money to

support hard -hit stations for as long as possible. A non -profit called the

Public Media Company has launched an initiative called the Bridge Funds to

collect and distribute funding to at -risk local public media stations.

And if you want to give to one directly, you can find the stations most in need

at adoptastation .org. Meanwhile, others are finding imaginative ways to raise

money, including just this week, this.

Who doesn't love Bob Ross, right? Three original paintings by the renowned TV

artist have fetched a total of $662 ,000 at auction. Proceeds of the sale will

support public TV stations, which need it after recent federal funding cuts.

Yeah, it's true. Apparently, Bob Ross Inc. is putting paintings like these up

for auction to raise money, and they're absolutely beautiful.

Look, I am no art connoisseur. My liking of painting often comes down to whether

or not it features cartoon rats getting it on. But in...

In this case, I'll happily make an exception.

Now, I'll be honest, we actually bid on those paintings, trying to win one so

that we could re -auction it tonight to benefit public media. Sadly, those

prices were outside of our budget. So we asked the people at Bob Ross Inc. if

they'd donate another one for us to auction. They said, very kindly, that's

not something they'd do, otherwise everyone would ask them all the time and

they'd have no paintings left, which does make sense.

But then we remembered, we've actually accumulated a bunch of weird artefacts.

on this show over the years that we could definitely auction off to raise

much -needed money. So please, come with me.

Welcome. I am proud to announce, last week tonight...

First ever auction in aid of public media. This is real. It will be running

through November 24th. And you can bid at the website johnoliversjunk .com,

which was inexplicably available.

We have...

Lots of fantastic items up for sale. Here's just a selected few. Now, our

item's actually been auctioned off before, because you may remember we once

bought Russell Crowe's jockstrap from Cinderella Man when he held a, quote,

of divorce auction.

He then used the proceeds to fund a koala chlamydia ward in Australia in my

name. Well, I'm now happy to say this life -saving jockstrap can be yours.

Here it is.

It is a priceless piece.

of cinematic history, and it has saved countless koalas.

Moving on to item number two. Back in season nine, you may remember that I

married a cabbage in a beautiful non -denominational ceremony officiated by

Steve Buscemi. Well, and there is no good way to say this.

My cabbage wife is available for sale.

To the highest bidder, no questions asked.

As much as it hurts with the splits, we are doing it for the greater good.

Bidding for her is now open.

Moving on to item number three. And as I mentioned earlier, these were featured

on our show pretty recently.

LBJ's giant balls.

Just look at these glorious monstrosities.

If LBJ's presidential library does not have a home for them, maybe you do.

Because these things could be a real conversation piece for your living room,

bedroom, studio apartment, or indeed, nursery.

And keeping with the presidential theme, we are also auctioning off our wax

presidents, which we bought at an auction in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and

in movie parodies with, among others, Laura Linney and Tom Hanks. But wait.

because I'm still not done here. And to tell you about some other items up for

auction, here is a man with decades of experience fundraising for public

television, Mr. Joel McHale.

Thanks, John. As you've seen tonight, public media is so amazing.

I love it almost as much as I love British comedy, which is so amazing.

Rowan Atkinson is a genius, and anyone who thought they could replace him as

Zazu in The Lion King is out of their fucking mind. That movie was ruined

without him.

Anyway, I'm so excited to tell you about some of these items, including these

golden sneakers worn by British comedian John Oliver in a show about FIFA that,

judging by this, aired around 25 years ago. So amazing.

And because no public media fundraiser is complete without it, we're also

auctioning off a bidet signed by, and this is true, the berserker blowfire

Gwar. So amazing.

And finally, and this is my favorite item, I think everyone knows how excited

am about Rowan Atkinson, the number one British comedian of all time.

So, we're auctioning off a complete DVD box set of Mr.

Bean, signed by me, Sir Joel McHale.

Back to you, Seth.

Thank you so much, Joel. All those items and more are available at

JohnOliversJunk .com with all proceeds going to the Public Media Bridge Fund.

But wait, there's actually one more thing here. Because remember when I said

that Bob Ross Inc. never lets people have paintings to sell? That is true.

never do.

Except incredibly, they've told us they're willing to make a one -time

for this auction. So we have this.

Actual Bob Ross original up for sale. It is called...

Cabin at Sunset. He painted it on TV in 1987, and it's been in storage for

nearly 40 years. It is a true masterpiece, painted by a man, and I'm

to assume, his pocket squirrel peapod.

You can find this painting and many, many other items, from a case of John

Oliver wine to our giant Reese's mug, as well as a link to find stations to

donate to directly at johnoliversjunk .com. That is it. That is our show, and

indeed...

season. Thank you so much for watching us all year. We truly appreciate it.

We'll see you again in February.

Good night.

Thank you so much.

Please, please bid for her now.

Bid right now.

I'm going to miss you so much.

You're going to a better place.