Original subtitles

Hey, buddy. Just thought I'd come in and check on you.

Need anything?

Yeah.

A better mattress.

This one has a giant butt hollow.

I was talking to Cody.

All right, come on, buddy, get up.

Just because you broke up with Bailey

Doesn't mean you can stay in bed the rest of your life.

He's gone.

I was wondering why the weeping stopped.

I was worried he cried so much,

He became dehydrated and passed out.

I mean, not worried enough to get up and check on him, but...

Well, we are docked in monte carlo.

I just hope he's out there somewhere letting his hair down.

Brothers, let us induct The newest member of our circle.

Welcome, brother Cody.

And...

♪ oh ay oh, oh ay oh ♪

♪ come along with me ♪

♪ and let's head out to see ♪

♪ what this world has ♪

♪ for you and for me now ♪

♪ whichever way the wind blows ♪

- ♪ we say... ♪ - ♪ Hey-ho, let's go! ♪

- ♪ oh ay oh ♪ - ♪ This boat's rocking ♪

- ♪ oh ay oh ♪ - ♪ Ain't no stopping us now ♪

♪ 'cause we're living the suite life ♪

- ♪ oh ay oh ♪ - ♪ This boat's rocking ♪

- ♪ oh ay oh ♪ - ♪ Rocking the whole world round ♪

♪ and we're living the suite life now ♪

♪ hey ho! Oh ay oh ♪

♪ let's go! ♪

- Hey, look. A note from Cody. - What's it say?

"dear friends, the pain of my breakup with Bailey... "

What are you doing?

Reading it in Cody's voice. Nailed it.

Just give me that.

"dear friends, the pain"

Of my breakup with Bailey is too much to bear,

So I have sworn off girls forever

And gone to live out the rest of my days

In a non-religious sanctuary

"With the brotherhood of the hooded brothers."

Are you kidding me?

You sound nothing like Cody.

"in order to heal and focus on higher things,

I have chosen to give up all of my earthly possessions."

Wow.

I know.

Think about what this means.

- Dibs on his laptop! - I get his clock radio!

Oh, what is that, some kind of donkey call?

Just because you have donkey teeth

Doesn't mean you have to sound like one.

It's not a donkey call. It's me being sad.

Don't tell me you're not over Cody yet.

We only broke up 10 hours ago.

Exactly. Move on, sister.

But how? What do you do To get over a guy who broke your heart?

Simple... I have daddy's private army storm into the guy's house

And rip out his... I mean, go shopping.

I can't afford to go shopping.

Wow, that makes me want to cry.

Well, if we're gonna help you get through this,

We need to talk to an expert on failed relationships.

Hi, miss tutweiller.

Hi, girls.

We need your expertise.

Oh, I'm flattered. What can I help you with...

History, geography, world politics?

Being dumped.

Hey, I'll have you know that right now

I am in a loving, committed relationship

With a wonderful, thoughtful...

Okay, so much for that. How can I help you?

Cody and I broke up last night.

Oh, Bailey, I'm so sorry.

You and Cody were perfect for each other.

I know, right?

Oh, breakups are so sad.

London, why are you crying?

Because I'm stuck on a boat with you people.

Ah, brother Cody, I see that you are moved

By the story of our founder brother Cornelius

And his legendary battle with the phone company.

No.

This book is bound with leather, Which comes from cows,

Which live on farms, Which of course reminds me of... Wheat,

Which makes bread, Which is used in sandwiches,

Which sometimes Bailey eats for lunch

If she doesn't have a soup or a salad.

I miss her so much!

And let me guess... The paper reminds you of trees,

Which have bark, and Bailey loved puppies.

She was so special.

I'll never find another girl Who loves puppies.

Brother Cody, you came here to forget that evil woman.

Let your mind be cleared of her Through hard work.

Let the water you mop away Represent the tears of your sadness.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Brother Cody, Get your wails out now,

Because when the bell rings, Everyone enters a period

Of complete and utter silence.

Okay, I understand.

Right about now would be a good time for that bell to ring.

Hey Zack, doesn't Cody's sweater vest look great on me?

It looks great on half of you.

You know, Cody being gone will affect the grade curve,

Which could bump me up from "hopeless"

To "needs improvement."

Oh, that reminds me... I have a book report on "war and peace"

Due on Monday and I needed Cody to do it.

Maybe you should try writing it yourself.

You think this is the sanctuary?

No.

I think this ancient stone building In the middle of nowhere

Is a bowl-a-rama.

Greetings, travelers.

What do you seek?

A lane for two, please.

And I'm gonna need a seven, triple-wide.

We're here to see Cody Martin.

I'm afraid brother Cody is unavailable.

Hey, wait.

What?!

Look, I just need Cody for a little help

With a book report on "war and peace."

Have you tried reading it?

Good one, friar yuck.

Have you seen the size of this thing? This is a cinder block.

That Leo toy-story was a real windbag.

Well, that may be,

But I'm afraid that only members of the brotherhood

Are admitted inside the sanctuary walls.

Well, and of course vito the pizza guy.

By the way, two more minutes and it's free.

You're gonna love girls' night.

I'm gonna tell you all the ways I get over a nasty breakup.

I didn't even know they had cabins

This far below the fuel tanks.

I thought the only things they had down here were storage and rats.

Oh, rats aren't a problem.

What did you do, get a new cat every time you got dumped?

Maybe.

You must have, like, 30 cats.

Right, 'cause there aren't any more in the cat room.

This isn't the cat room?

Okay, who would like a cookie?

Oh, sorry.

This bald cap is itchy.

I could have used a bald cap?

Dang it.

Good day, brothers.

Stop it.

There's Cody. Come on, grab a broom.

- Cody. - Oh no.

What are you guys doing here?

We've come to rescue you.

I even brought you a little something to read on your way back.

Hope you enjoy it. Really looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

I don't need to be rescued.

And I've already read "war and peace."

Of course you have.

It's... it's... One of the world's greatest epic novels

Detailing the events leading up to Napoleon's invasion of Russia,

As seen through the eyes of five wealthy families.

Whoa whoa, slow down. Are there two or three ps in "napoleon"?

Just go.

I'm never gonna get over Bailey.

Besides, I want to stay here with my brothers.

These guys are all your brothers?

Wow, your mom must have really kept trying for that girl.

Seriously? You're not leaving?

I'm afraid that none of you are leaving.

What? You can't keep us here.

I'm not trying to keep you here, trust me.

No, see, our sanctuary is built on a tidal island.

The pathway is only accessible during low tide one day a week.

So you're stuck here.

- No way. - Way.

Don't worry. Time flies

When you're doing chores with your brethren.

Chores?

Nothing major... you know, Sorting books, serving soup,

Washing our soiled robes.

That's it. We're out of here.

Newbies.

Now one of the best ways to get over someone who hurt you

Is to cut their face out of all your photos.

- Oh, wow. - What did you do with all of them?

They make great Kitty litter.

Okay, now did you bring pictures of you

And he-who-shall-not- be-named?

Voldemort?

She means Cody.

And yes, I brought all of our scrapbooks.

Great. Then let's start cutting.

Moseby never lets me use big-girl scissors.

Oh, right right right.

This is crazy. You can only leave this island once a week?

By land. I do have a dinghy.

But my dinghy has a leak.

What's he laughing about? It's true.

I have a leaky dinghy.

Woody, what do you think a dinghy is?

A small rowboat. Why?

Okay, I'm not staying on an island For one week with no girls.

Then swim, Because I came here for some peace and quiet,

- And you two clowns... - ( Bell rings )

Oh, is that the dinner bell?

Hope we're having sloppy Joes. I love me some sloppy Joes.

No? Not sloppy Joes.

Okay, uh... - Ooh, a straw, a straw. - Milk shakes.

- Oh, a key. - Key lime pie.

I love key lime pie.

Rub eye...

Dry-rubbed cajun-style rib eye.

- Yes! Steak! - A good steak!

You idiots! I'm trying to tell you We're supposed to be silent!

Straw... it is milk shakes.

Oh, man.

My butt.

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

And for an hour?

I thought it would never end.

I know. How dare they Make us sit in those uncomfortable chairs

And think about what we'd done?

I don't get it. How's ice cream

Supposed to make you feel better?

It just does, okay?

Yeah, I mean, maybe after constantly worrying about

Pleasing guys with how we look,

This is a symbolic way of saying,

"we don't care about our appearance."

Yeesh, I think it's a little more than symbolic.

That goes for you too, Kitty rat.

What is that? Sardine sorbet?

All right, it's time... To leave?

Nope.

After ice cream I like to dessert-dial my exes

And give them a piece of my mind.

Wow, I'm surprised you have any pieces left.

I wish we could call moseby

So he could get us off this hunk of rock.

We can't. They confiscated my phone.

( classical music ring tone )

That's Cody's phone. I forgot I took it.

Hello.

It's me.

Bailey, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear your voice.

You are?

Well, then I guess you realize What a terrible mistake you made.

Yeah yeah, a huge one. And I'm totally miserable.

- He's totally miserable. - He should be.

I am the best thing that's ever happened to you.

What?

Don't deny it, Cody.

She thinks I'm Cody.

What? I do such a better Cody.

Give it to me.

Hello, Bailey. It's Cody.

Hi, Woody.

Hi.

Bailey, it's Zack. Look, we need your help.

Tell Mr. Moseby that we're stranded on this isl...

Hello?

I think he hung up.

Oh, my exes do that to me too And change their numbers

And their names And sometimes their faces.

All right, that's it. I'm leaving.

This is pathetic.

What? You can't leave.

We're gonna put pretty dresses on.

Really?

On cats?

Oh, just get your stupid paw through the sleeve.

That's the tail hole.

Whatever.

Stupid overdressed Kitty.

What did you call me?

Mr. Whiskers loves to cuddle.

You know, for the first time I am starting to feel better.

Get off me now!

There. You were silent for an entire hour.

I bet it gave you a chance to discover something about yourselves.

Yeah, I discovered that I have to get off the dude island.

How? The only way is...

How do you normally get off the island, brother Theodore?

I told you, I have a little dinghy.

What?

Don't mind him. He is a little dingy.

What's in store for us next, brother?

Oh, let me see.

Oh, here you are. You're on the kiln list.

The kill list? Please, I'm not ready to die.

I promise I won't laugh at your dinghy again.

The kiln list, not the kill list.

Though you're about to get on that one too.

It means we ve to make pottery.

But I don't have to go.

Make pottery, not potty.

You guys get what, like every other word?

Guys what every word?

Is it just me or is he really hard to understand? Guys what every word?

Is it just me or is he really hard to understand?

I would be duly honored

If you two would join me in a glass of sweet tea.

Oh, well, I do declare, Nothing would make me happier, sugar.

Where are those scissors?

I'd like to cut myself out of this picture.

So, aunt Kitty cat, Shall we sashay up to the sky deck?

What?

We're going out in public with these things?

Please, miss london, Speak only through your cat.

Fine.

I just want to say one thing...

You two are a couple of nut jobs!

London, I know it's silly,

But this is helping me forget about Cody.

Oh, that's it.

This has got to stop.

Look, Bailey, I know you loved Cody,

But you don't need a boyfriend to be happy.

You're young. You're smart. You're pretty.

You're not some 50-something cat lady

Who's been dumped time and time and time again

And is one ice-cream scoop away from a heart attack.

London, you called me pretty And didn't add "annoying" after it.

Do you really think all those things about me?

Of course I do.

Why do you think we're friends?

London, thank you.

Boyfriends come and go, but girlfriends are always there for you.

Right, now let's do something that will really cheer you up...

Mani-pedis on me. It'll be so fun.

Oh, thanks for offering to pay 'cause... Oh.

Hmm.

Humans always leave.

Good thing cats can't use doorknobs.

What are you making, Woody?

A Clay canoe. I'm getting out of here.

Will you two just forget about leaving

And enjoy the serenity that comes from being

In touch with the earth?

I'm making a bu... A korean percussion instrument

Used in confucian ritual music.

I'm making a Clay hottie.

At least she will be once I get her in the kiln.

Some of us are trying to forget women.

Clay-rissa!

My bu.

What did you do to my bu?

Now it's just goo.

Oh, boohoo for you.

Here, start over.

Guys guys guys.

Oh, it's on like ping-pong!

What is going on in here?

That's it. You three are in big...

Sucker. Oops.

That's it. I don't care if I have to sit

In the chair of extreme discomfort for a week.

I have something to say.

Cody, look.

I know you're in pain over your breakup with Bailey.

Who wouldn't be?

Seriously, this girl is smokin'.

Eh?

The point is Running away from your troubles is not the answer.

You've got your whole life to live.

There's a big world out there filled with awesome experiences,

But you can't have any of them

If you're just stuck here on this island

With a bunch of weird bald dudes.

He ain't wrong.

Zack, I appreciate that, but my brothers...

These aren't your brothers. I'm your brother.

And I care about you. I'm not leaving this island without you.

Thanks, Zack.

Real brothers are so much better than these losers.

You know, at first I thought

You just showed up because you needed me to do your homework.

Dude, that hurts.

Well, I guess I'm going home with you guys.

Oh, please take me with you.

I'm tired of going potty in a ditch.

I'll go get my good sandals.

Out of my way!

Good thing I used a bald cap And didn't actually shave my head.

Dang it!

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