Original subtitles

[Helen] Brought to you by Worm Chips.

They taste better than they sound.

Yes, that and some Worm Chips.

They taste better than they sound.

How did we get roped into doing Helen's errands again?

She said it was a big part of our grade?

Sometimes I worry we're too trusting.

Maybe. Hey, Kiff, do you remember Ed?

The wizard who scammed our entire school?

[gasps]

And who is supposed to be banished from town?

What is he doing here?

He must be doing some kind of big grocery scam.

Not on our watch.

[? mischievous music playing]

-We got you, Ed! We caught you! -[screams]

The old greeting card scam. And you almost got away with it.

No, you don't understand.

There's no scam this time, children. I am a changed man.

I'm in love with her.

You know, when I say to "bag the goods," I mean...

I mean, how could you not fall in love with that?

Yikes...

-...Ee... -...Ola.

I know. I can't eat. Can't even sleep.

I don't know what to do with myself.

All I want to do is take care of her.

[Helen] ...and so I don't pay.

We should help him.

Plus, if Helen got a boyfriend,

then she'd have someone else doing her bidding.

Kiff, Barry. These groceries aren't going to bag themselves.

Ed, we are going to help you woo Helen.

Bless you, children.

Love's arrow can be hard to dodge.

Let's save some time with a fun montage.

-[? cheerful music playing] -[coughs]

[doorbell rings]

Free speaker. Nice.

[thunder rumbling]

I've got one last idea.

It's a bit complicated, but it just might work.

-Now. -[screams] Uh... Helen.

Please hear me out. I am in love with you.

-Who are you? -[Kiff winces]

It's me, Ed. I was a teacher at Table Town School?

I taught Wiz Ed.

I also do magic. I used it for evil.

You came to the tram station and battled me.

I got banished from town.

It was humiliating.

Uh, yeah, you stole my swag.

Nope, that was a dolphin.

Oh, yeah, I stole your swag!

[laughs] What a crazy day!

Well, anyway...

Wait, Helen. Ed wants to take you to dinner.

Sorry, Talking Bush. I don't go to dinner with duds.

[snickers]

-[sighs] -[? emotional music playing]

? I can make it rain soda from the sky ?

? I can conjure up the world's most delicious pie ?

? I have spells and potions ?

? Crystal bowls and cauldrons too ?

Sorry.

? But there's a different type of magic from all of the above ?

? And that magic is called love ?

? It's not a spell that you can learn ?

? It's not a candle you can burn ?

? It's not a potion you can own ?

? Because love's a type of magic ?

? That you can't do alone ?

? I can turn that guy into a frog ?

? Give him wings of a bat with legs of a dog ?

? I can turn the sun black so it's always night ?

? Or grant this penguin the gift of flight ?

? Every spell that I can do ?

? Means nothing if I can't have you ?

? Every spell that I can do ?

? Means nothing if I can't have you ?

? It's not a spell that you can learn ?

? It's not a candle you can burn ?

? It's not a potion you can own ?

? Because love's a type of magic that you can't do alone ?

? I can turn that guy into a frog ?

? Give him wings of a bat with legs of a dog ?

? I can turn the sun black so it's always night ?

? Or grant this penguin the gift of flight ?

? Every spell that I can do ?

? Means nothing if I can't have you ?

? Every spell that I can do ?

? Means nothing if I can't have you ?

? It's not a spell that you can learn ?

? It's a different type of magic ?

? It's not a candle you can burn ?

? It's a different type of magic ?

? It's not a potion you can own ?

? Because love's a type of magic ?

? That you can't do alone ?

Oh, Ed.

[horns honking]

I suppose I could let you take me out to dinner.

Girls gotta eat.

[honking]

[? elegant classical music playing]

-[Helen laughs] -[Ed laughs] They're the worst!

I think I'm falling for you.

[gasps] Helen, we're in love.

Oh-ho...

It feels good to be able to eat again.

If you wanted spaghetti, you should have ordered spaghetti.

-Yes, but we're in love. -[grunts]

What does love have to do with spaghetti?

A couple in love should share everything.

[wails]

Ed, wait! It's only spaghetti!

It's never just spaghetti.

I'm taking the next tram out of Table Town!

Never to return! [sobs]

[sobbing]

Helen, what did you do?

I don't know, Kiff.

I think I just made the first mistake of my life.

And now it's too late. He's headed to the tram station.

No, it's never too late.

Let's run to the tram station like they do in the movies.

I love movies! Let's go!

[? emotional music playing]

-[grunts] -[grunts]

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

[? music stops]

[crickets chirping]

[? emotional music resumes]

[groans]

It's over. He's gone. [sobs]

I've got an idea.

[clanks]

You're lucky I'm a hopeless romantic.

-You got five minutes. -I only need one.

What's that? A key to your spaghetti cabinet?

No, it's a key to my heart... slash apartment.

You're giving me the keys to your apartment?

Yes. I'm sorry I didn't let you take a bite of my spaghetti.

I... really love spaghetti.

I love spaghetti, too.

[both laughing]

[Ed] That's right.

You go to my place and wait for me.

I'm going to get us two orders of spaghetti.

[slurps] Thank you, kids. Now that I have my Ed,

he'll be the one helping me with my shopping from now on.

It's all we ever wanted.

I'm home, Eddy-bear!

Eddy-bear?

My creepy old junk trunk?

Filled with all my magical valuables?

No!

Wait, Ed was scamming the whole time

just so he could steal from Helen's creepy old junk trunk?

-Look, there's a note. -"Dear Helen..."

[Ed] I was scamming the whole time

just so I could steal from your creepy old junk trunk.

"Love, Ed."

But what did he steal?

[cackles] The Shorts of Doogadu!

The most powerful pair of shorts in the world!

They can hold so many stolen goods!

[grunts] Take that! Mine!

[cackles] I'm such a scallywag!

[bystanders screaming]

A pair of shorts?

Magical shorts.

[sobs]

[laughs hysterically]

Wow, you bounce back fast.

I knew Ed was scamming me the whole time.

I posted that KlipKlop knowing that he couldn't resist

trying to steal the Shorts of Doogadu.

But what he doesn't know...

-What doesn't he know? -Give it a second.

...is that now I have all of his stuff.

You were never in love?

Oh, I'm in love.

[grunts, snickers]

In love with the contents of this wallet.

[kisses]

Look, I don't have five nuts. All my money was in my shorts.

Can you please just let me on?

If only I had my wand, I could fly home.

-Where is your wand? -In the same shorts!

Clean the potatoes out of your ears!

Wait! I... love you?

I'm married.

[? end theme music playing]

[? music concludes]

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