All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S03E56.The.Identity.Theft.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

That's the news.
I'm Brick Street,

and that's all you need to know.

And we're out.

Did you hear that new
sign-off? I just wrote it.

Do you like it?

I guess it's good.

Yeah, well, that's the thing.
You don't have to guess

'cause it's a play on words.

So I say, "I'm Brick Street.

"And I just told you that's
all you need to know."

It's like I'm half
a news anchor,

but I'm also half a mob guy.

Great job, guys. Hey, Nick.

Brick.

Peterson. You hear
my new sign-off?

No.

Hey, guys, I want you to know,

whatever rumors you may
have heard about

corporate wanting to completely
change the morning show,

well, they're just not true.

I haven't heard any rumors.

What are you talking about?
You just did, a second ago.

You know how rumors work, Nick?

I do. Did you hear the one
about my killer new sign-off?

No.I hear it's pretty good.

So, what's this about
corporate changing the show?

You heard that, huh?
I think it's true.

Wait, wait, wait. You
just said it wasn't true.

I'm just telling you
what I heard, Nick.

Okay, so, if it's true, why
would you say it's just a rumor?

Who said that? You did!

You can't believe everything
people tell you, Nick.

Anyway, they're gonna
change the name of the show

to Good Day, Seattle.

I don't care what they call it as
long as I get to use my new sign-off.

So, we're bringing in
a new morning team member.

Her name's Meghan Jackson.

Whoa!

Meghan Jackson?

From the show The Adulteress?

Oh. Oh. Is that the show where
women compete with each other

to get a guy to leave
his wife and kids?

This is bad.

This Meghan Jackson, nightmare.

What do you mean?

Well, the word on the street
is she's a piece of work.

Evil, underhanded,
conniving, no morals...

And I wonder why
a person like that

would be on a show
called The Adulteress.

That's funny.

You know what, guys?

People love her. So, this is
happening. What can I tell you?

That's your new sign-off?

If it is, I like mine better.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Hey, um, Dad, so, are the
rumors about your show true?

What rumors?

Meghan Jackson keeps tweeting

that she's gonna be taking
over your morning show.

No. She is joining
our morning team.

She is not taking over my show.

Ugh! I hate her.
She's so annoying.

Why is that?

Ever since she got
booted off The Adulteress,

she's been everywhere.

She has her own show
with her sister.

I mean, she put out
the worst song ever.

She has her own hot sauce.

She is so desperate
for attention.

She will put
her name on anything.

Wait a second.

Now, is she the girl
who's dating Justin Bieber?

'Cause I hate her, too.

No. This girl is way
too old for him.

So, who is she?

Oh, that's that girl
with the show with her sister.

And the really bad song.
Oh, and the hot sauce.

Oh, yeah, I can't stand her.

All right, all right, I'm here.

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, Mama.

Thank you.
Thank you for doing this.

I'll take this. Come on in here.

All right. Listen.

I got your dinner
and your drink ready.

Yeah. Well, just so we're clear,

it's gonna take a lot more
than dinner and a drink for this.

So, how long are you staying?

Keep asking questions
and I'll be gone after dinner.

She'll be here until
your mom gets better.

But that's like two weeks.

Who are you telling?

So, let's get this straight.

While I'm here,
we do things my way.

And we do things my way

because if you could have gotten
somebody else, you would have.

So, here's the deal.

I'm a busy woman.

Now, I'll make sure
everybody eats.

But I don't do laundry,
I don't run errands,

I don't post bail, I don't leave
the house before 10:00 a.m.,

and my nights belong
to me. Capisce?

It means, "Do you understand?"

Oh!

Mama need a lot more
alcohol for this.

Oh, boy.

A coffee cup with my name on it.

This doesn't bring in the
viewers, I don't know what will.

You got a cup?

It's a gift from Meghan.
What, she didn't give you one?

Guys?

Hi.

Nick, Brick, I want you
to meet Meghan.

Oh, my God, Nick Street,
it's so nice to meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

Did you hear his name
wasn't Street?

Excuse me?

Actually,
it's Nick Kingston-Persons.

I'm so sorry. Oh, it's okay.

Meghan, this is Brick Street.

Whatever stuff you heard about
him looks like half of it was about me.

Okay.

All right, well, I'll
leave you guys to it.

Uh, I'm sure you're gonna
think Meghan is amazing.

I have big hopes
for the new format.

Put this girl
on anything, it sells.

Like when you're the first
black family in the neighborhood?

Go, team.

Wow, this set is amazing.

Wow, I cannot believe

that I'm gonna be the host
of Good Day, Seattle.

That makes you, me,
the viewing public,

and the wife of the guy
you tried to steal.

Oh, my God, you
watch The Adulteress.

Wasn't that a crazy show?

Yeah. It's pretty crazy.

Well, we're really glad that you're
here with us. It's gonna be good.

Thank you so much. That's
so sweet of you to say it.

I see that you're married.

Yeah. Wife and two kids. That's so sweet.

They're happily married, Meghan.

You understand happy?

So why don't you take that
laser homewrecker vision of yours,

and put it someplace else.

Look, you want to marry
someone? Marry me.

No, thank you.

I know you.

You're like my dad's second wife

and my third wife.

So, this is what
I'm saying to you.

I want to buy you a house.

Hey, Brick. Brick.

What? Uh, Meghan.

He's just kidding.

If you mean serious and kidding
is the same, yeah, I'm kidding.

Nick, can you show me
to my dressing room? Sure.

No. No.

Nick, you stay here.

Did I mention
he's happily married?

Yeah, twice. Thanks.

Move away.

Have a lovely day.
It was great meeting you.

Step off.

I'll be right there.

Brick, what is going on
with you, man?

She's just trying to fit in.
What's the problem?

She's trying to fit in like a
bullet fits into a chamber.

I thought she was nice.

Nick, she gave me a cup.

She did not give you a cup.

She's trying
to separate us, Nick.

Nick, she's evil.

Somebody's got
to keep an eye on her.

And that eye

belongs to me.

So, guys,

we want to make this
really casual and personable.

Remember, it's not
about the stories,

but the people telling them.

Okay? And, Meghan,

all the things you have to say

are gonna be right in that
prompter there for you, okay?

How do I know
which part to read?

Read whatever part you can.
Do you know your letters?

Yes. I know the letter "A"
and the letter "S."

Just read the lines that
say "Meghan," that's all.

Thanks, Nick.

All right, guys, any problems,
you know where I am.

Not if they don't
put it in the prompter.

Okay. Have fun
out there, guys, okay?

Nick, you're gonna open it,
toss over to Brick,

and then we're gonna
introduce Meghan, okay?

All right.

Five, four, three, two...

Seattle.

I'm your host, Meghan Jackson,

and what a great morning
we have lined up for you.

That's right, Meghan.

We have celebrity chef
Anthony Oliver on the program.

Plus...

Seahawks coach
Pete Carroll will be here,

and he is in some hot water.

Well, knowing Pete
the way I know Pete...

We're also gonna be talking
to local playwright Evan Tooey

about why his latest play
is so controversial.

We're gonna have
so much fun this morning,

so don't go anywhere,
Seattle, we'll be right back.

And we're out.

Oh, my God, wasn't I amazing?

That was amazing. Does
anyone know where my phone is?

I have got to tweet that
I just opened the show.

Okay, great job, guys.

She stepped on every line I had.

Nick, she steals
men for a living.

Why do you think she
wouldn't take your copy?

Marilyn, where were you?

Where was I when?

You were supposed to
pick us up at the mall.

Well, good thing
you know your way home.

It's not funny.

We've been waiting
for over an hour.

Girl, don't you
have a cell phone?

I mean, did you call?
Did you text? Anything?

Yes. All of that.

Really?

Mmm. Mmm. Oh, snap.

I guess I must have
had it on vibrate.

You know, I went
to the movies earlier.

We know.

At the mall.

That's why you were
supposed to pick us up there.

Okay, I'm sorry.
It won't happen again.

But I forgot my
appointment with Mrs. Po.

And I feel bad, but not
half as bad as I'd feel

if I didn't get these toes done.

You looking sad, but these toes
have been looking sad all week.

So, let me get this straight.

It was us versus your toes,
and your toes won?

You feel me?

I'm sorry.

What was that all about?

Meghan fired her.

Why? What happened?

Who cares?

She is a bleach blonde
bottle of terror.

All right? She's cutting a path
of destruction through all of us.

Great job, guys.

Not if you're a host.
And hoping to talk.

Well, about that. Meghan said it
was getting a little crowded up there,

so we're gonna
make a few tweaks.

Get one of you guys
off the couch.

Take one of us off the couch?

Nick, this is no time
for the telephone game.

What do you mean you're
taking one of us off the couch?

Where are we gonna go?

Well, that was sports,
weather and traffic.

I'm Brick Street, and
that's all you need to know.

All right, back to the studio.

Thanks, Brick. Well, that's it
for today.

I'm Nick Kingston-Persons.

And I'm Meghan Jackson.

And have... A Good Day, Seattle.

And we're out.

I'm telling you guys,
this girl is bad news, man.

And I didn't think so at first,

but look, she hasn't
even been here a week,

and she's already
getting people fired.

Damn!

I knew she was trouble when
she was dating that running back.

Remember? Then she
broke up with him,

immediately started
dating the wide receiver,

ended up being the cause
of a three-way trade.

Dude got sent to Cleveland
from New York.

Man, that's bad.

I mean, being in Cleveland is
just like being in that helicopter.

I loved her on The Adulteress.

I mean, when the married guy
texts the other girl his junk

and not to Meghan,

I was like, "Wow,
Meghan was robbed."

So, where's this
girl from, anyway?

Like, England or something?

You know, she used to be
part of some horrible girl group.

You know, like the
Spice Girls but worse.

But now that she's in America,

oh, she is going for it.

She's putting her name
on everything

from energy drinks
to cellulite cream

to the two-minute calf workout.

She even has her
own brand of hot sauce.

I tried it.

It's good.

You better do something, man,

'cause this girl means business.

You're gonna end up
over in England

hosting
Good Morning, Cockfosters.

Is that a real place?

Yeah, yeah, Google it.

What's it gonna be?

Five cards. Five cards!

Aces high. Aces!

Deuces are wild, girl!

Deuces are wild. Y'all
better get out this game.

You better ask somebody.

Oh, no, everybody hear it.

Don't let her trick you.
Don't let her trick you.

Hey, guys?

Do you mind trying to keep it
down? We're trying to sleep.

Oh, I'm sorry, we're just
trying to have some fun.

Can you have quiet fun?

Mmm.

Lady, have you ever
heard of a coaster?

Yeah, do you know
how much it costs

to get water rings
out of wood, okay?

Is that what you want to
spend your Social Security on?

Social Security?

What are you, my mama now?

Grandpa.

What's going on here?

Marilyn's friends
are being very loud.

Yeah, we're trying to sleep.

Oh, you guys go to bed.
They'll quiet down. Good night.

Tattletales. Good night, y'all.

Go ahead.Mmm-hmm.

Well, what are you doing here?

Taking candy from babies.

We'll see who's taking candy
from a baby after this hand.

That's what you
said five hands ago.

Shut up.

I ain't shutting up. Hey, Nick,

so I hear you working
with Meghan Jackson.

Let me guess. You hate her, too.

No, I don't hate her. I mean, we
don't have anything in common.

We're not in competition,

but if I was a conniving,
back-stabbing fame junkie

who would do anything for,
what, ten seconds of camera time?

Then maybe we
would be in competition.

And I might hate her.

Say it, girl. Say it.

Oh, wait, wait. Just a question.

Why doesn't she
let you talk, Nick?

Mmm. You noticed... I don't understand it.

You noticed... You sit there,

and she never lets you talk.

Well... If I was a betting woman,

and I am.

I would give it about a month

before the whole city
turns on her.

And my advice to you,

don't be sitting next to her
when it happens.

Ooh! You heard me.

Girl, say it, say it.
She's speaking truth.

You know I'm right. Hey, shh!

What a great show.
But before we go,

let's take it to our guy
in the sky, Brick Street.

Thanks, Meghan. More unrest
today in the Middle East,

just like the unrest
in the number two lane

on the Evergreen Point Bridge.

I bet a lot of those drivers
are a little hot

under that collar
right about now.

And speaking of hot,
today in Seattle,

it's gonna be unseasonably warm

with highs in the mid-70s,
with skies slightly overcast.

And, speaking
of slightly overcast,

the Seahawks are still
feeling a little bit gloomy

after a devastating loss
last week to San Diego.

But they're looking towards clear
blue skies this coming Sunday

as they take on
the Detroit Lions.

That's news, traffic,
weather and sports.

I'm Brick Street.
That's all you need to know.

There's one more thing
you need to know.

If there are any terrorists out
there with a rocket launcher,

I'm in a blue
and white helicopter

hovering over
the Evergreen Point Bridge,

and Muhammad sucks...

Thanks, Brick.

Brick, thanks. And that's all
we have time for today.

I'm Meghan Jackson,
and I'll see you tomorrow.

Phew. What a great show.

That was a great show, right?

You signed off without
even saying my name.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

They must have forgot
to put you in my prompter.

You know what
I'm like. I just...

say what I read. Sorry.

No, actually, that's not true.

Oh, my God.

I'm trending on Twitter.

Look!

Oh, my mother
is gonna be so excited.

Nick. This is Mr. Gray.

Terrence?

You two know each other?

I don't know what
he's talking about, sir.

Well, at any rate,

he's heading up
Meghan's new security team.

What does she need
a security team for?

Try something and find out.

Talk for a second here.

Listen.

I talked to Meghan
earlier today,

and she seems to think we
need a new guy in the field.

Man, we've got plenty of guys.

You know, send one
of them out there.

But well, by guy in
the field, I mean you.

What? No way.

Look, I started
out in the field.

I'm not going back out there.

Listen. She wants a new co-host.

Who?

That guy.

Oh!

That guy from The Adulteress?

Oh. Let me talk to her.
All right?

Can't let you do that.

Terrence, come on, man.

You know it's me. Look,
you got to help me, man.

This chick is trying
to get me fired.

So, what?

Look, I'm with her.

I can't protect her and
your job at the same time.

So, ease back, step
back, or get tased.

T, come on, man. Get back!

Okay, man, don't tase me, bro!

Damn. He's good.

Oh! Sookie, sookie now.

Mmm! Don't want to hurt nobody.

You better back up.
You better back up.

What the...

Hey.

What is going on? Why
are you turning my music off?

Music? You call that music?

That's not music.
That's noise.Mmm-hmm.

Well, if you go back
to bed, you won't hear it.

Hey, hey, hey.

Smithers and Toya, knock it off.

Marilyn, are you crazy?
This is a school night.

I don't care.
We don't go to school.

But we do.

Look, Marilyn, we realize

that you're used to having a certain
level of freedom when you're home.

That's right.

But you're not home
anymore. You're here.

So, what are you trying to say?

All I'm saying is, y'all
don't have to go home,

but y'all got to get
the heck up out of here.

What?

Y'all just gonna stand here
and destroy the youth?

What happened to
"children are the future"?

That's us.

Did she stutter?
Let's go, people!

Trump, Lady Nana?
Na-na. Let's go.

Lady, you are way too old

to be wearing gold and cheetah.

If you know anything
about fashion,

you know how important it is
to have that perfect accessory.

Well, what about
your pet as an accessory?

Do you coordinate with your dog?

You're not gonna want
to miss this, so stick around.

We'll be right back.

Good.

You guys look great.

Thanks.Thanks.

I was talking to the dogs.

You guys
are gonna be great. Oh, yeah.

Are you sure this plan
of yours is gonna work?

It'll work.
Meghan said it herself.

She will read whatever's
on the teleprompter. All right?

So, when we come back,
she'll read the teleprompter,

and it'll be a good day
in Seattle for real.

Nice.

Five, four, three, two...

Hola, mamacitas,
I'm Meghan Jackson.

And in our next segment,

we'll be talking about Mexicans

and why they make
the best gardeners.

I have one,
and I know you do, too.

Also, we'll call in
some expert Orientals

to make their favorite dish,
Kung Pao Meow.

And, boy, am I hungry.

Also, later I'll be reading
excerpts from my book,

Diary
of a Back-Stabbing Trollop.

Meghan, that's great.

We'll be back
after these messages.

You wrote that?

Yeah, I did.

What's a trollop?

Google it.

Come on, man. What is it?

Oh!

I'm done talking, here.

Hi.

Wow, Meghan.

Meghan.

Hey, that was really crazy what
happened out there yesterday.

I know. I mean, I can't
even begin to imagine

how those things
got into my teleprompter.

I mean, I'm betting that
somebody that doesn't like you

knew someone who did
the prompter and...

Right? Bang. Boom. You know?

You're carrying
a box in your hands.

But why would someone do that?

Well, you don't have
the best reputation, okay?

Especially with the wives.
All right?

And a lot of guys around
here are married.

So, you know, it could have
been any one of them.

I suppose you're right.

Don't worry about it, okay?

You are a smart girl.

All right, you still
have your endorsements.

I mean, the cellulite cream,
the calf workout.

And I tried the hot sauce. I
thought it was really very good.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Well, I guess I should
just hit the road.

Oh, take care, now.

Wait, I have one more
question for you.

Yeah.

Were you serious about
buying me a house?

So, does this make
me number four?

Five.Wow.