Original subtitles

Hey, guys. Hey, Nick.

Hey. Hey. What's this?

Well, it's what we call a sign.

Uh, it says,

"31st Annual,"

and then it says, "Harold Bradlie,"

that's me, of course.

And under that, "Spelling," and then finally the word,

I'll help you sound this out.

"B-b-b-bee."

You have a spelling bee?

No, but I have a sign.

I was hoping that because of that

somebody might let me have one.

You need to get in on this, Nick.

I am doing color commentary,

so if a kid messes up, you get to analyze him and ridicule him

in all sorts of ways.

Color commentary? Yeah.

It's a spelling bee, not a sporting event.

You've got to tell that to ESPN, Nick,

it's a big deal now.

Hey, Nick. You have a second?

Uh, you need to talk to me?

No, I just like keeping track of your free time.

Listen, Nick, uh, I need a favor from you.

An actor buddy of mine is in town working on a movie,

and uh, he's playing a reporter.

So he wants to follow you around for a few days,

you know, get some insight on the character.

Oh! Look, you tell him,

if he wants to follow me around,

he can follow me on Twitter.

Who wants some strange dude

following him around all day.

I mean, it's weird.

Who does that?

Howard Terrence.

Howard Terrence.Peterson.

Hey, everybody. How's it going? Oh, my God!

Hey! Oh, my God. It's Howard Terrence.

Hey, man, I love all your movies, man.

Oh, yeah. Can I get a picture?

Yeah, sure, man. Oh, my God! Brick, Brick!

Brick, can you do the honors, please? Yeah, yeah.

So, Peterson told you I wanna shadow you for my movie, right?

Yeah, yeah, I'd love to do it. All right.

Uh, Nick, that's not what you said.

What you said was...

"If he wants to follow me around, he can do it on Twitter,

"I don't want some strange dude

"walking around behind me all day, how weird.

"Who does that?"

Look, if you don't wanna do it, man, it's cool.

No, no, no, I'd love to.

I wanna do it, okay, it's all good.

Come on in here, man. Take the picture, Brick, please.

I mean, is there a number you can call,

like some kid in India

to tell you how to work this damn thing.

Listen, point the camera,

and push the button in the middle.

All right. All right. Hold on. Hold on.

Three...

Two... Excuse me.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Yeah!

Whoo, Kevin.

Dad.

Who is the man!

K-E-V-I-N.

Can you believe that, Captain Scalp?

Hey, Kevin, you won the spelling bee.

Yep, eighth place.

Okay, first of all,

nobody wins eighth, all right?

Well, he won eighth.

And they gave him a gigantic trophy.

They are giving out trophies this big for eighth place?

Yeah, the winner gets money.

That's right.

And a two-week all-expenses-paid trip

to the Newt Gingrich Camp for Gifted Children.

You know, Kevin, I always thought you were dumb,

but now I realized, you're just obnoxious.

"Obnoxious,"

O-B-N... Shut up.

You know, you guys,

I competed in a spelling bee once,

and y'all never gonna believe what happened.

Oh, we don't have to believe it if you don't tell us.

It was me and this girl

from seventh grade who I hated,

and you know I didn't always look like this,

and she used to tease me because I was one of the smart girls.

Okay, I don't believe it, is the story over?

No, it's not over, Nick.

Okay, then let me end it.

You and her went head up in the finals,

and you won the spelling bee.

No, you're wrong. I lost.

Okay, I believe you. Is the story over now?

See, if you don't wanna hear the story, you just should say so.

We don't wanna hear it.

Haters. H-E-I-G-H-T-E-R.

Anyway...

I got some good news.

Since Kevin finished in top ten,

he gets to compete in

in the Harold Bradlie Spelling Bee at the end of the week.

Ah, my boy!

Well, check it out. I have some good news too. Ooh!

Guess who was following me for a week

to prepare for a role in his next movie.

Let me guess.

That bulge-eyed squirrel from that movie Ice Age?

No, all right.Okay.

It is Howard Terrence.

No! Yeah!

I love him!

Hey, hey, wait a minute. You said Howard Terrence

is gonna be following you around,

to shoot a movie? Whoo!

What's the name of that movie?

Honey, I Shrunk My Neck?

I didn't see this...

Anyway, listen.

Spelling bees are very fierce and competitive.

So, if you need any help, Kevin, just come to me,

I am here for you, okay? Okay.

Gigi. Yeah?

We appreciate your offer.

But, uh, I got this.

You?

That's right.

I happen to be a superb speller.

Okay, yeah. That's funny.

Yeah, well, y'all go ahead and act that way, okay?

Wait, and what way is that?

Incredulously.

I-N-C-R-E-D-U-L-O-U-S-L-Y.

Incredulously.

Wow.

I guess you do got this.

Don King ain't got nothing on me.

I got to tell, I love every single one of your movies.

The one where you beat cancer.

Oh! That was hot.

The one where you beat the paternity suit.

Whoo! That wasn't a movie, man.

Well, I love that movie Cincinnati.

The one where he beat AIDS.

That movie was horrible.

It almost killed my career.

You can't beat AIDS.

Originally, it was supposed to be Tom Hanks.

Wow. Really?

Yeah, but he did Philadelphia,

and you know how that turned out.

Oh, all right, yeah, he didn't beat AIDS.

I just can't tell you how excited I am to have

the Howard Terrence in my bar. I mean...

You don't mind if I call you Howard?

I'd rather you call me Mick.

You know, help me with the character.

All right, Mick, Nick,

I'll be behind the bar if you need me.

By the way, I love that suit.

Oh, yeah? You should take him shopping.

Hey, so, uh...

What do you wanna know, "Mick"?

Nick, tell me something that no one would ever know

when they watch KAWT.

Okay,

but, uh, this stays between us, right?

Stays between us.

Well, the easiest part,

is being on camera.Hmm.

And the hardest part,

is dealing with all the crazy personalities.Hm-hmm.

Mr. Peterson, he might be bipolar.

And if there is a more sarcastic person on Earth,

I haven't met him.

And Brick Street,

egomaniac, man, hates sports.

He cannot survive without a teleprompter.

Harold Bradlie,

oh, he hates his job,

but he can't quit or else he'll lose his benefits.

Oh, oh, oh, and don't get me started on Jennifer May.

Ooh, dude, dude.

You know that song Super Freak?

Ah, Rick James.

Yeah. I think he was singing about her.

Dude, dude. Dude.

Hey, Brick.

Hey.

You know, I'd like to refer to you by name, but frankly,

I can't remember it.

You know?

I mean, it's too bad I don't have a prompter

'cause then we could have a conversation.

But I don't,

so we can't.

But I got a question.

How does a backstabber like you

even sleep at night?

I am guessing with one eye open?

What are you talking about?

I don't know. I don't got a prompter.

Brick?

Hey, man.

Uh...

Wow. Hey, uh, Harold.

Uh, you ready for that spelling bee?

Hmm. You know,

if you are going to act like a disingenuous weasel,

do me the favor of being consistent.

None of this nice guy one day,

weasel the next stuff.

It's just beneath you, Nick.

I don't mean being a weasel is beneath you.

I mean, being inconsistent is. Hmm?

What...

Harold! Harold!

Mr. Peterson.

Why is everyone being all weird?

Frankly, I couldn't answer that

if I had two personalities and one of them liked you.

For the record, I'm not being sarcastic either,

I have a bipolar thing.

Oh, man. I don't believe it.

Howard told you.

Hmm. No one told me anything.

This groundswell of hatred directed at you,

seems to be a complete coincidence.

I mean, unless, you did something to deserve it.

Oh, so I guess Jennifer is mad at me now, too, huh?

For calling her a freak?

Why would she be mad?

She is a total freak.

Well, son, I got every app we need here

to become a full-fledged spelling bee champ.

I got Boggle.

I got Bananagram.

I got Wheel of Fortune.

Whirly Word.

Words with Friends.

I even got every book ever written

by the great Michael Eric Dyson.

Who is that?

Never heard of Michael Eric Dyson?

No.Michael Eric Dyson?

I don't really... Then spell it.

M-I-C-H-A-E-L

E-R-I-C D-Y-S-O-N?

Very good.

Michael Eric Dyson.

That's the man that never uses small words.

He can't even say the word "small."

He'll probably say something more like, uh,

infinitesimal.

Infinitesimal? Spell it!

I-N-F-I-N-I-T-E

S-I-M-A-L?

Oh, son, that was exemplary.

Spell it.

Martin! There he is.

Hey. Whoa! Whoa! Okay.

All right. All right. Um...

Who is this?

Uh, fellas, fellas, this is Suzette.

She's helping me with my research.

Who is that?

Yeah, yeah. Suzette, can you give me a couple of seconds?

Wow, you know what, she looks a lot like Nick's wife, Suzanne.

You think so?

Yeah, yeah, she looks a lot like my wife.

Wait, wait. So you hired a woman to play your wife

just to research a role?

Hired a couple of bighead kids too. They in the car.

Okay, Howard. Hey, man, look, uh,

I don't think we can keep on doing this, man.

This is getting out of hand.

You know what, Nick, I think you're right.

I don't know how to say this, uh,

but you're boring.

You said that pretty well.

What... I am not boring.

You're kind of boring.

Look, you got a wife, a job, two kids,

Ugh! and no girlfriend.

Where's the conflict?

Look, I put you in a position

with your coworkers to stir up some tension

and see how you react under pressure.

Wait, wait, wait. If you're gonna be putting people under pressure,

you need to tell somebody. Hello. Me! Right here.

That would defeat the purpose, Nick.

Look, you're not the only person I've done this to.

Really? Yeah, man.

I even married a woman for five years as research for a movie.

Oh, oh, oh, that's the one where your wife has an affair

with a guy at the office and he tries to kill you, right?

Right, right.

You were nominated for that.

And I would've won, too, if Brad Pitt hadn't done that movie

where he played that baby.

Got to admit though, that baby was ripped.

He kinda was. He has a little...

Guys, guys, hey, hold on, wait, man,

look, Howard, Howard.

You married a woman for five years

and you put me at odds with all my coworkers,

and you don't see anything wrong with that?

What happened, man? Look, Nick.

All I am trying to say is

I am trying to make the best out of this.

So we cool now?

I am not boring.

Eh!

You buying?

It's done.

All right.

All right. Hey, I'll have what he's having.

Hey, didn't we just talk about that?

Hey!

Everybody, freeze! This is a robbery.

What are you looking at, man?

I'm freezing, man.

Take the bag.

The bag's coming around, I want everything.

Jewelry, watches, wallets, purses,

iPhones, iPads.

I want it.

Wow, look, everybody, give it up for my man, the robber!

Sit back down, homeboy.

What! Oh, okay, look, man,

you know what, you got me once,

but this time, it is not gonna work.

Dude, you are good.

You know what, hey, you're not gonna get me again.

You think I am playing with you, man?

You expendable dog.

Oh, that's good. Love how you,

"You think I'm playing with you, man? Huh? You expendable dog. What?"

Look at your little mask and everything.

Nick, this is real, man.

I don't know this, dude.

You better sit down before I go...

You go and what? What you gonna do? What you gonna do?

What you gonna do? Give me that!

Come on!

This is all... Oh, look, I took his little cap gun.

I took it. I took it. What?

This is crazy. What?

Nick, this is real.

Okay, you know what. Everybody, I just want to announce

that we have Howard Terrence in the house, y'all.

And this whole thing is being orchestrated by him,

so I want you to give him and his little friend,

a nice little round of applause. Come on. Come on.

Come on, you can do better than that.

Hey, look, but you know what, I've had enough of this

because I have to go to my son's spelling bee.

So here you are, my man.

What are you doing?

What? What is your problem?

Dude, give me that. It's fake.

It's all fake.

See? Oh, dear God.

Freeze!

Hey, don't look at me. He is the robber.

Look, man, I don't know if it was for real or not,

so I hit the silent alarm.

I can't believe that was real.

What is wrong with you, man? I could've gotten killed.

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with you?

I only did that because I thought he was with you.

Why would he be with me?

Because based on everything I've seen, you're kind of crazy.

Look, man,

I don't care if you never do another movie,

I don't care if you never get another award,

man, this is over.

I am tired of you acting like me,

I am tired of you dressing like me

and I am tried of you getting other people

to act like other people I know, this is crazy, man. It's crazy!

Look, man. It's cool.

I get it. It's over.

As soon as my boy picks me up, I'll be out.

Matter of fact, here he comes now.

Nick, Martin, Marvin.

Seriously?

Where have you been?

Sorry, I am late. I was held up.

That's no excuse.

I mean, I was held up.Whatever.

Hello, again, everybody. I am Brick Street,

and welcome back to round 12

of the Harold Bradlie Spelling Bee.

We have some fantastic contestants here today.

Michael Derek Tyson who won last year's spelling bee

at the ripe age of 11 years old.

Darnell West who's been in the championship round for the last three years.

And stepping up to the microphone now,

today's biggest surprise, Kevin Kingston-Persons.

Whoo, Kevin!

All, right. Kev!

That's my seed, baby. My seed.

Kevin finished in eighth place

at the Kurt Flannel Middle School competition.

Uh, Kevin, your word

is "Cymotrichous."

"Cymotrichous."

What does that mean?

It's a Greek word. It means, to have wavy hair.

Really?

Definition?

From the Greek, having wavy hair.

Really?

They couldn't come up with anything better than that?

Something like, I don't know. "Wavealicious"?

Uh, perhaps, you cunning little homunculus,

but your word is "Cymotrichous."

"Wavealicious."

That's good.

Okay.

Cymotrichous.

C-Y-M-O

T-R-I

C-H-O-U-S. Cymotrichous.

Oh, wreck! Nailed it!

Yay. Nice job. Yeah, Kev.

That's what's up.

That's right, that's my seed, right there, baby.

"Florid."

"Florid."

"Florid."

F-L-O-R

A...

Usually, kids from that country don't get taken out so easily.

You ain't my seed, that's why you lost.

"Iconoclast."

I-C-O-N-N...

Are you sure there's not two "N" s in there?

Not these days.

Let's give her a new word.

"Disqualified."

"Mawkish."

M-A-U...

Even I knew that was wrong.

He is a dumb kid.

"Vicissitude."

V-I-S...

And that narrows our field down to two.

K-E-V-I-N!

There is a real nail-biter here now.

We will be back right after these messages.

M-A...

We're back.

Wow. Two black kids in a spelling competition.

Nobody saw that coming.

You can say that again.

Somebody need to call up CNN

and Al Sharpton and Toure

and Public Enemy, Chuck D., somebody.

Call somebody up in here.

I am caught off guard.

Darnell, your word is "Quean."

Am I hearing you right, brother Bradlie? Did you say "Queen"?

"Quean."

"Queen"?

"Quean."

"Queen."

Q-U-E-E-N.

Kevin, it's yours.

You got the wrong queen, we ain't talking about Freddie Mercury.

Sorry. Q-U-E-A-N.

Let me remind you

that Darnell West is not done.

Kevin needs to spell two words in a row

to become champion.

You can do it.

Kevin, your word

is "Periscii."

or alternatively, "Per-ee-see-eye."

What dictionary did they get that word from?

The kind of dictionary that you use for more things than curling, okay?

You got to open the book and read the words inside.

And if you must know, it's a Greek-Latin word,

which means those that dwell within the polar circle.

Okay. "Periscii."

P-E-R-I-S-C-I-I.

Correct.

Yeah! Yeah! Kevin!

Go Kevin! Go Kevin! Go Kevin!

If you get this next word correct,

we will declare you champion.

Oh, my God! Kevin!

Here comes your word. It is "Irony."

"Irony."

Are you kidding me, how easy this is.

"Irony,"

I-R-O-N-E-Y.

Kevin, I want to extend to you

the heartiest of congratulations.

You did one heck of a job out there.

And have we got a trophy for you.

Thanks. That's it.

That's all you give him for winning second place?

I got a word for you.

"Infinitesimal."

Yeah.Yeah.

We have a limited budget.Yeah.

Shut up!