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1
00:00:02,915 --> 00:00:04,743
Ooh, watch this. Look at this.
2
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:06,049
Great.
3
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:07,833
Just the person I need to see.
4
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:09,226
What did I do now?
5
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,314
I'm not talking to you.
6
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:13,100
Are you free on Tuesday?
7
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,450
You tell me why,
and I'll tell you if I am.
8
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:17,843
Well, my friend Rita from
college is coming in town,
9
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,410
and I need somebody to double.
10
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:23,197
Ah, no, I have a...
shuttle launch that day.
11
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:27,288
Wait, are you seriously
asking my friend out on a date?
12
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:30,508
Yes, with Rita.
Now, stay out of this.
13
00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,945
Marilyn, I am flattered, but no.
14
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:34,947
Why not?
15
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:37,080
Look, I'm a couple years
younger than him,
16
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,995
and you're old enough
to be his mother,
17
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,562
so if this woman went
to school with you,
18
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:43,956
that means she's old enough
to be my mother's big sister.
19
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,349
What's your point?
20
00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,960
My point is eh-eh-eww.
21
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,789
Boy, come on. It's dinner.
You can't do dinner?
22
00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,095
Besides, I'm bringing a friend,
23
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,097
and I wanted her
to have a friend, too.
24
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:57,274
Oh, a night with three
people in their 60s?
25
00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:59,885
Has somebody been reading
my bucket list?
26
00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:01,104
For your information,
27
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,715
my friend is younger than you.
28
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,456
Great, you see
if he has a friend,
29
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,849
and you can take him.
30
00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:09,504
I got to go. What?
31
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,636
Ghost Dogis a great movie.
32
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,986
Forest Whitaker
playing a samurai,
33
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:16,641
practicing the ancient code
of Hagakure,
34
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,252
never sweatin' the small stuff,
35
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:20,471
living as though
he were already dead.
36
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,995
And acting as though
he were already dead.
37
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:26,042
This movie is making me
sleepier than Forest's left eye.
38
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,130
I'm out.
39
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,175
You're wrong, man.
40
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:29,524
Hey, hey, wait. Wait, Martin.
41
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,134
We need to discuss this.
42
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,875
No, we don't.Yes, we do.
43
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:35,138
Boy! You better bring
yourself back in...
44
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:39,229
Hey, how'd it go?
45
00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:42,493
Oh, good. Lindsey's class
is on their way to D.C.
46
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:45,017
I don't know how that
girl is gonna go six hours
47
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,715
on a plane without
being able to text.
48
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:49,326
Where's Kevin?
49
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:50,458
Upstairs.
50
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,721
My arm!
51
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:53,983
Oh, my God!
52
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:55,463
Kevin, what happened?
53
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,552
Call 911.Okay.
54
00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:59,162
Call 911!
55
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:00,903
I can't remember
the number to 911.
56
00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:02,426
What's the number? It's 911.
57
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:03,601
Okay.
58
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,516
Hey, 9-1-what?
59
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,170
911!
60
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,390
Two 1s? NICK: Woman,
what is wrong with you?
61
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:10,521
911!
62
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:13,698
- Okay. Oh! Oh!
- Oh, my God!
63
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:18,486
Where's the phone?
64
00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:20,052
I don't know. Call 911.
65
00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:21,358
I don't have the phone.
66
00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,751
Oh, well, that's
'cause I have it.
67
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:23,839
Well, give it to me.
68
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:24,970
No! Why?
69
00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:26,146
Because...
70
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,887
You got got!
71
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:32,935
This is a joke?
72
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,763
Yes, honey. I'm sorry.
73
00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:36,243
This is not funny.
74
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:39,028
Dad, this is funny.
Your face priceless.
75
00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:42,118
911! 911!
76
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,207
That's all right,
77
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,469
'cause I'm gonna get you back.
78
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:48,211
Oh, honey, don't be like that.
79
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,605
No, no, no, I'm not
gonna be like that...
80
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:51,693
After I get you back.
81
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,046
Call 911!
82
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,352
Call 911!
83
00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:00,441
Oh, my God, Kevin!
84
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,531
♪ Are we there yet?
85
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:06,838
♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me
86
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:08,797
♪ Tell me, are we there yet?
87
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,581
♪ Are we there yet?
88
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:16,021
Hey, Gigi, can you get the
furniture rental place on the phone?
89
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:18,763
They still haven't
delivered those pieces.
90
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:20,548
What are you doing? I'm quitting.
91
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:23,333
What? I'm sorry. I just
can't take it anymore.
92
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:26,510
In at 10:00,
out 6:00, every day.
93
00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:27,729
It's too much.
94
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,731
This is not how a person
is supposed to live.
95
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:32,864
Gigi, that doesn't even
make any sense.
96
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:34,562
Don't tell me how I feel.
97
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:37,434
Okay, well,
please don't quit now.
98
00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:39,262
See, why? Because what?
99
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:42,526
We have work to do. Don't you
get it? That's why I'm leaving.
100
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,572
So what, you're just
gonna leave me hanging?
101
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:45,834
I thought we were friends.
102
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:47,923
We are. That's why
I took care of that.
103
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,664
La-Sha, this is Suzanne.
104
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:51,970
I cannot wait
for hims to see me.
105
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,494
Hold on.
106
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,147
What's your name again?
107
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,368
Suzanne... Your boss.
108
00:03:58,412 --> 00:04:00,022
Oh, okay, mmm.
109
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:01,806
Girl, let me
call you back, okay?
110
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:04,026
All right. Okay.
111
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:07,682
Oh, so I like this.
This all you?
112
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,292
Yes. Is that my coffee?
113
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,338
Yes, it is, and she
told me how you like it.
114
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:14,036
You like it with two creams
and three sugars, so...
115
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:15,080
Well...
116
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,953
Ooh!
117
00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,650
I think you gonna like it, but
it's a little hot. Ooh, I'm sorry.
118
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,652
No, okay,
now that's your coffee,
119
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,045
'cause that's just nasty.
120
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,699
Wait a minute. Hold up.
121
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:26,440
Why are you trippin'?
122
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:28,616
What's she trippin' for? She always trippin'.
123
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:32,794
But you know what? You didn't tell
me that she was gonna be trippin'.
124
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,710
I'm not trippin', okay?
You're trippin'.
125
00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:37,146
I don't know you,
126
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,148
and I don't know
where your mouth has been.
127
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,845
What?
128
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,847
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
You know what? No, no.
129
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,806
La-Sha, just... Can you help me?
130
00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,111
Just get those things
over there.
131
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:47,199
Oh, really?
132
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,419
So, you're helping her now?
133
00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,508
You know what?
See? She trippin' again,
134
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,380
and I was tryin' to be polite.
135
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:54,990
One more time. You hear me?
136
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,339
La-Sha. One more time.
137
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,646
Oh, my goodness.
138
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,300
You know what?
139
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,389
Here.
140
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:05,174
What is this? My resignation.
Read it.
141
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:06,349
Ah. What for?
142
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,265
Oh, fine,
don't read it. I'm not.
143
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,527
See, that's why I'm quitting,
144
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:11,833
because anytime I need
something from you,
145
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:13,356
you don't have time.
146
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,749
So, now you're just lying.
147
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:16,490
Oh, oh, okay, so that's why
148
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,883
you're not reading the letter.
149
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:22,104
Fine, I will read
your funky little letter.
150
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,714
Thank you.
151
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:27,327
"Suzanne, the time has
come for me to move on.
152
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,025
"The experience of working for
you has forced me into a position
153
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,374
"where I must reveal something
154
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,984
"you should have known
all along...
155
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,116
"Gotcha."
156
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,726
You just got got!
157
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,428
You're fired.
158
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:43,691
Oh, come on,
Suzanne! NICK: Oh...
159
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:49,523
Martin, what is the big deal?
160
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:52,482
Look, all I'm asking you to
do is to eat some food, talk,
161
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,049
and then go home.
162
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:57,226
How about I stay home, since
I'm gonna end up there anyway?
163
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:58,923
Martin, it's just dinner.
164
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,751
You don't have to marry her.
165
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,927
I didn't ask you
to call in and vote.
166
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,755
What if I make it
worth your while?
167
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:07,410
How does $300 sound?
168
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:10,108
Ooh, like Madonna's
picking up a boy at a bus stop.
169
00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,414
Ugh.
170
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,546
$500?
171
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:17,725
Two hours, and then I'm out.
172
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,423
Good. Let's go see
what you're wearing.
173
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,772
You want to dress me, too?
174
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,513
You want to give me
back my money?
175
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,647
All right, then, let's go.
176
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:27,952
We'll see you guys later.
177
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,302
- All right, y'all.
- Bye!
178
00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:33,871
Ooh, that was good,
turkey bacon cheeseburger.
179
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,657
You know what, baby, you ought
to open up your own burger joint.
180
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:37,962
Mmm-hmm.Mmm-hmm.
181
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,616
Don't try to be my friend.
182
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,271
I'm gonna get you back,
and Kevin, too.
183
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,881
Hey, you got me.
184
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,970
Look, let's just concentrate
on getting Kevin.
185
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,451
Mmm-mmm.
186
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:52,586
Good. Yes,
187
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:54,805
faking like you're
choking. I like it.
188
00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:56,677
Hey, Mom.
189
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,766
Keep it up. Keep
it up. He's coming.
190
00:06:58,809 --> 00:07:00,202
Yes, honey.
191
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:02,465
Dad, are you okay?
192
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:03,945
Did you need
something, sweetheart?
193
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:05,337
What's wrong with Dad?
194
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:08,079
Nothing. He's got
something stuck in his teeth.
195
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,951
No, he doesn't. He's choking!
196
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:12,040
Nick, stop choking.
197
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,271
Oh, man.Ah...
198
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,882
You got got!
199
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,492
Up high!
200
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,147
What is wrong with you,
woman? I almost died!
201
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,888
You want me to call 911?
202
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,107
I'm not playin'.You playin'.
203
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,282
I'm not playin'.
204
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,633
What's the number to 911?
205
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,548
What is wrong with you?
206
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,680
I'm not playin'. I almost died.
207
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:45,726
Ah, okay.
208
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:51,775
Mom.
209
00:08:03,395 --> 00:08:04,658
Good morning, honey.
210
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,095
Did you sleep okay?
211
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,924
I did.
212
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,013
Yesterday, I almost died.
213
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:14,058
Today, I awakened a new man.
214
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:15,973
That's nice.
215
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,237
I like your robe.
216
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:22,502
Are you going to wear
that to work?
217
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,547
I'm not going to work today.
218
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,507
So what, you're just gonna sit
around the house all day
219
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,291
in your Jesus sandals?
220
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:31,423
Shoes are like jail cells
for the feet.
221
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:34,296
I want my toes to be free,
222
00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:35,515
no toe jam.
223
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:40,520
Okay, Nick, knock it off.
224
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:43,479
I got got. You got got.
We all got got.
225
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,611
It's over.
226
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,264
And I am sorry.
227
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:49,485
I didn't realize you were
actually choking yesterday.
228
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,661
No need to apologize.
229
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,794
It was not your destiny
to save me.
230
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,274
It was Kevin's.
231
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:59,060
Hey, Dad.
232
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:01,410
Are you okay?
233
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,672
I am, son.
234
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,328
So, you're not mad at me?
235
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,722
You shouldn't be asking me
for forgiveness.
236
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:11,768
You have the power
to forgive yourself.
237
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,815
Okay, I forgive me.
238
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,468
Kevin...
239
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:19,123
Please save some
orange juice for your father.
240
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,908
That is not necessary.
241
00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:23,258
You can have all the
orange juice you want.
242
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,956
Are you serious?
243
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,437
Every time he drinks the
last of the orange juice,
244
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,482
you get all cranky.
245
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:34,617
A glass of orange juice is
but an obstacle to happiness.
246
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,664
I am free from the juice
and the pain of desire.
247
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,753
Cool.
248
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,582
So, you're not going to work.
249
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,061
You're not getting dressed.
250
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,585
You're not drinking juice,
251
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,196
and you've stopped using chairs.
252
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,373
None of these things have
a real impact on our lives.
253
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,595
Okay, Nick, stop it.
254
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:58,598
Don't you think this is
a bit much, really?
255
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,469
Anyone else cheat death
in this house,
256
00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:01,949
raise their hand, huh?
257
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:04,865
Just me.
258
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:08,303
Kevin, from now on,
259
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,436
I want you to do only
what makes you happy.
260
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:12,873
Can I borrow your chain saw?
261
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:14,352
Take it.
262
00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,877
It is something
I no longer require.
263
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,315
You are not letting my
son play with the chain saw.
264
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,883
It is his life, not mine.
265
00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:24,101
I gave it to him,
266
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,363
and I'm not gonna let him end it
267
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,235
by chopping his own head off.
268
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,281
That's fake, you fool.
269
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:41,075
You are the worst.
270
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,773
I can't believe you...
271
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,645
Oh. Martin,
272
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,211
this is Rita.
273
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:48,648
Good evening.
274
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:49,910
You're Martin?
275
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,389
Yep.
276
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,261
You didn't tell me he was white.
277
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,872
You specified age, not color.
278
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,613
I'm standing right here.
279
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,615
Ooh, I see you.
You know, it's just that,
280
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,008
you know, with a name
like Martin,
281
00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:03,532
I thought you'd be black,
like Martin Lawrence.
282
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,490
So. There are
white Martins, too.
283
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,623
I mean, there's Dean Martin,
Steve Martin,
284
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,060
Martin Scorsese,
uh, Martin Short.
285
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,453
I'm standing right here.
286
00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:14,761
Well, sit down, relax.
It's all good.
287
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,548
So, where's our fourth?
288
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:22,029
Ugh, he's sick.
Can you believe that?
289
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,117
Sick of you.
290
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,901
I told you to quit
stalking that boy.
291
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:27,251
Two messages is not stalking.
292
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:30,907
It is when they're each
30 minutes long.
293
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:34,781
So, tell me about
yourself, Martin.
294
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:38,872
Well, um, I'm hungry, and I
want to be home in two hours.
295
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,569
Mmm-hmm.
296
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:41,875
Uh, look, Martin,
297
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,703
since this was supposed
to be a double date,
298
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,140
and I'm now flying solo,
you can go on home.
299
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:47,445
Thanks. No, he can't.
300
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:48,925
You go home.
301
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,622
But I thought we were gonna
spend some time together.
302
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,973
And we will as soon
as I'm done with him.
303
00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:54,931
I'm right here.
Is that your hand?
304
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:57,455
Is that your wallet? Yes, it is.
305
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,761
I think that's my cue.
306
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,676
Order me another one
of these, would you?
307
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,765
I'm gonna go freshen up.
308
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:04,506
I'll be right back.
309
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,816
Please, tell me I
don't have to stay here.
310
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:13,602
Fine, but you better order
$500 worth of Cosmos.
311
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:30,967
How long have you
been standing there?
312
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,882
A few seconds.
313
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:35,102
I know what you
have come to ask me.
314
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:36,581
I don't think you do.
315
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,105
You want to know
316
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,847
why I have shed
my earthly attachments
317
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:43,850
and taken up the way
of the sword.
318
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,286
Not quite, ghost dork.
319
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:46,635
I need to talk to your mother.
320
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:47,723
What?
321
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,811
Look, it's her friend, Rita.
322
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,117
I never thought
I would say this,
323
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,684
but that woman is incredible.
324
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,077
I would tell you why,
325
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,645
but I can't talk about it
without getting all...
326
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,302
What was that?
327
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,565
A memory. I need to talk to her.
328
00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,262
Well, why don't
you just call her?
329
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:06,916
Because I think she
gave me a fake number.
330
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,311
If the universe meant
for you two to connect,
331
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:11,965
then it will surely happen.
332
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:15,229
Look, you almost died.
I get it. Blah, blah, blah.
333
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:16,621
Now, let me talk to your mother.
334
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,977
Greetings. Ugh.
335
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:26,936
Yes, this is Kevin's father.
336
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:31,158
Oh, I will make haste
momentarily and be there.
337
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,029
Yes.
338
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:36,424
I have to go.
339
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,166
If the universe wants you
to contact my mother,
340
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:40,471
it will provide a way.
341
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,823
Oh, look. The universe
provided a way.
342
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:44,867
Hey, man.
343
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,739
"Mommy." Aww.
344
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:55,791
Do you have to do that?
345
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,099
It is what the universe
wants for me.
346
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,623
Okay.
347
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:06,106
Well, Kevin here is
normally a great student,
348
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:09,326
but today, I caught him
cutting class.
349
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,981
It was just like with you, Dad.
350
00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:13,765
I had two essays due,
351
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:16,029
and I hadn't done
either one of them.
352
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:20,120
I almost died right in
the middle of home room.
353
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:21,599
Mrs. Phillips...
354
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,690
Have you ever faced death? Nope.
355
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,563
Well, if you had,
you would understand.
356
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:31,435
This is Kevin's life.
357
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:34,699
He cannot be held
captive by a science.
358
00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:35,918
Are you kidding me?
359
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,441
You heard the man.
360
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,661
And you're gonna let him
talk to me like that?
361
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,445
It's not me.
362
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:43,795
I know.
363
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:46,363
It's the, uh... Universe.
364
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:55,546
Nick.
365
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,026
Greetings, my love.
366
00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:00,334
Nick, what is going on with you?
367
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,857
I spoke to Kevin's teacher,
368
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,033
and she told me that
you came up to the school
369
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:05,208
after he cut class,
370
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:07,950
and you completely blew her off.
371
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,345
That is her perception.
I cannot change that.
372
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,824
Yes, you can,
373
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,652
and you can make
the boy go to class,
374
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,611
and you can make him
do his homework.
375
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,222
Perhaps I can make
the boy go to class,
376
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,355
but will he do his homework?
377
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,574
Perhaps I can make
the boy do his homework,
378
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:26,142
but will he go to class? Nick.
379
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:29,667
Honey, listen.
380
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:34,020
I realize that you have had
a life-altering experience,
381
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,891
but we cannot live like this.
382
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,545
You've got to go to work.
383
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,591
If you keep missing days,
they are going to fire you.
384
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:44,247
The loss of a job does not
compare to the loss of life.
385
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:47,076
Oh, please. Nick,
you didn't die, okay?
386
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,731
You choked on a half
a piece of turkey bacon.
387
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:51,515
It was a whole piece.
388
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:58,000
Terrence, you've seen him
talking to that stupid pigeon.Mmm-hmm.
389
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,916
He's walking around here
looking like the Last Samurai.
390
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,701
Mmm-hmm. I need my husband back.
391
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,008
I remember the first
time I almost died.
392
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,923
I went through that Zen stuff.
393
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,838
But you know what
snapped me out of it?
394
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:12,580
What? Another guy
tried to kill me.
395
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,843
Now, it's hard to be Zen
396
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:17,367
with the barrel
of a .45 in your mouth.
397
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,979
Okay, okay, gosh.
398
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,546
So, the second time
I almost died,
399
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:26,028
it made me appreciate not
being dead from the first time.
400
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,553
The third time I almost died,
401
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:33,035
I had this strange craving
for sugar cheese toast.
402
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,819
Sugar cheese toast?
403
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,299
Oh, it's a long story.
404
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,519
Some guys tried to kill
me in a Jamaican bakery.
405
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,347
Okay, okay, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
406
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,218
Let's get back to the point.
407
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,699
Will you please
help me with Nick?
408
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,440
I'll help you
under one condition.
409
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:47,528
What's that?
410
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:51,140
You do everything I say,
411
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:53,664
and you don't question
my methods.
412
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:54,926
Why? What are you gonna do?
413
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:58,756
Was that a question?
414
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:07,591
Mmm.
415
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,332
Hey, Mom.Hi.
416
00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:12,379
Whoa, that looks good.
You made cake?
417
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:15,208
No, I just found it here.
You want some?
418
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:16,557
Do pigeons coo?
419
00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:20,387
Nick, cake?
420
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:27,176
The way of the sword urges
abstinence from artificial pleasures.
421
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,092
It's got ganache filling.
422
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,659
Then I shall have a slice.
423
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:36,881
Hmm.
424
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,798
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
425
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,061
Is that my death cake?
426
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,106
What? Death cake? What?
427
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,108
Yes, that's my death cake.
428
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,544
I swallowed it.
429
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:50,112
Three-layer chocolate cake
with strychnine ganache.
430
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,462
I didn't know you were
gonna be here, all right? I swallowed it.
431
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,116
You are not supposed
to eat that.
432
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,337
Terrence, why would you
make a death cake in my house?
433
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,468
Because my oven is broke.
434
00:17:58,512 --> 00:17:59,600
What? Man, I swallowed.
435
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,297
Are we gonna die? Yes.
436
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:03,386
Oh, no. You guys got
about two minutes.
437
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,954
Oh, my God. Oh, honey.
I love you.
438
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,782
I don't want to die.
I want to go to school.
439
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,697
Oh, honey.
440
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,655
Man, there's got to be
something you could do.
441
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:16,269
The only antidote is
charcoal-infused vanilla ice cream.
442
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,619
What? Terrence, who has that?
443
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,316
You were not supposed
to eat that cake.
444
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,189
Oh, man. I only got two
minutes. I got to call my mama.
445
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:24,625
Get out the way, man.
446
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:28,716
Nick.
447
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:29,978
Yo, man, what? I'm sorry, man.
448
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,589
Look, I will take care
of your mama, Lindsey,
449
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:33,982
even your pet chicken.
450
00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:35,157
Man, punk that chicken.
451
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,419
I don't want to die.
452
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,291
I don't want to be one
with the universe.
453
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,683
What's my mama's number?
454
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:40,945
Nick, one more thing.
455
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:44,123
What, man? We only got seconds.
456
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,603
You just got got... Again.
457
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,432
We're not gonna die?
458
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,652
No, but you will die
459
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,871
if you don't get upstairs
and do that homework.
460
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,265
They told me how you
was actin' a fool at school.
461
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:59,268
So, this is not a death cake?
462
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:02,619
A death cake?
Suzanne, seriously,
463
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,230
I'm smarter than that.
464
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:07,885
Well, honey, welcome back.
465
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:09,931
And for the record,
466
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,759
no one else gets got, okay?
467
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:13,064
It's over.
468
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,286
You're lucky this cake is good.
469
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,376
"I got to go call my mama."
470
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,383
So, this was a joke, right?
471
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:29,733
Was that a question?
472
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,346
Now, let me get to the store
473
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,217
so I can get you guys
some vanilla ice cream.
474
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,132
What? Terrence. I'll be back.
475
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,481
Are you serious right now?
476
00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:39,526
I'll be back.
477
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,136
Terrence.
478
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,140
Rita, you can't leave
me like this.
479
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,621
I've got to leave you
like I found you.
480
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:49,666
But that's just it.
I'm not the same.
481
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,233
Well, don't worry.
You'll get over it.
482
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,582
Now, get on up there.
Sing me a song.
483
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,149
I've got a plane to catch.
484
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,289
Testing.
485
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:13,777
♪ My friends
486
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:19,827
♪ Feel it's Their appointed duty
487
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,442
♪ They keep tryin' to tell me
488
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:32,274
♪ All you want to do is use me
489
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:39,194
♪ I-I-I-I want
To spread the news
490
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,153
♪ That if it feels
This good getting used
491
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:45,505
♪ Ooh, you just keep On using me
492
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:49,683
♪ Ah, until you use me up
493
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,124
♪ Until you use me up
494
00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:01,869
♪ Until you use me up
34016
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