All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S03E12.The.Tiger.Dad.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Hey, handsome.

Did you watch
the morning show today? No, why?

Oh, we had this
kid on, I mean...

Have you ever heard
of tiger moms?

Isn't that where Asian parents put their
kids in some kind of mental boot camp?

Right.

Let me tell you, I don't think I
would've ever thought of our kids

as being stupid, but, man,
when I saw that kid today,

I was like, "Man!"

Okay, so what are you
trying to say?

Look, this kid was amazing!

Look, he had all straight A's,
he's a concert pianist,

and at 14,
he is graduating high school.

You hear me? High school!

Okay, wow.
So, maybe he's gifted.

Nope. I asked.

His mother said the boy
was trying to put round pegs

in square holes
until he was ten.

Then she became a tiger mom.

Look at him now.

The boy went from I-D-I-O-T
to MIT in three years.

Okay, so, Nick, our kids
may not be doing all that.

They're not doing all that?
They ain't doing none of that.

Hey, Mommy.
Is dinner almost ready?

Not yet, sweetheart.

Hey, Lindsey.

What are you
getting into tomorrow? Nothing.

How about you, Kev? Huh?

What are you getting into
tomorrow, man? Level seven.

"Level seven." Wow. Okay.

You know, while our kids
are tweetin' and gamin',

that kid is out there designing
the next billion-dollar social network.

Oh, I love that movie.

Okay, so what do you wanna do?

You wanna become a tiger dad?

Either that,

or we get some new kids.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Okay, so I've been reading
about these tiger moms,

and, you know,
it sounds good at first,

but these people
are making their kids nuts.

Nuts, how?

Okay, well, the kids
are all stressed out.

You know, they develop
eating disorders,

they have
anti-social tendencies.

You know, one of these kids
actually attacked his own mother.

Suzanne, you are talking
about extremes.

Well, honey,

that's because this is extreme.

These people, they don't
praise their kids in public.

They don't let them
eat junk food.

They probably beat them
on the bottom of their feet,

and make them sleep
in a hot box.

Suzanne, news flash. Our
kids are average, all right?

And average is not gonna cut it.

If Michael Jackson was average,

he'd be alive and well,
broke and black,

living in Gary,
Indiana, all right?

Is that what you want
for our kids, huh?

Fine.

Okay. Well, I can't knock you

for wanting the best
for our kids.

But I tell you what,

if one of them
tries to attack me,

we're all gonna
end up on the news.

All right.

Don't ask any questions.

Just. Go. With. Your.

Gut.

No questions. Choice.

Which one? Pick.

Fine. This one.

Are you sure? 'Cause
I was thinking this one.

Okay, fine. That one.

Come on! Don't pick it
'cause I did.

I want your opinion.

I gave it to you,
you gave it back.

Are you sure?

No, I'm not sure. I don't
even know what I'm looking at.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry,

This is my new tattoo.

Really? A tattoo? Yes. Yes!

Come on. You know, I've been
in this rut. I've been thinking,

I need another one.

That means there's a first one.

Yes, it's on my scalp.

You remember when I went
through that Britney Spears moment

a couple of years ago? I
took that trip, cut off all my hair.

Amsterdam.Yes.

You have a tattoo on your head?

A circular maze.

Huh. Really? Yes.

Oh, I've always wanted a tattoo.

Then you should get one.

The time for me to get a tattoo

has long passed, okay?

I mean, I'm a wife,
I'm a mother.

The is the time where you're
supposed to be getting rid of your tattoos.

Well, I think you're wrong.
I think you're wrong.

'Cause a tattoo is an
expression of who you are,

Can I get a tattoo of me not wanting
to get out of bed in the morning?

No.

Come on, seriously.

Do you wanna be a boring
88-year-old woman without a tattoo,

or an interesting, sexy,

88-year-old woman

with a tattoo?

Okay, that doesn't sound
interesting or sexy,

but I do see your point.

Oh, good. So, now,

all we have to figure out is what you're
gonna get and where you gonna get it.

Uh, I've got a few ideas.

Get out of here, Ali!

I'll just...

Bye. Go!

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Just the two I'm looking for.

What are y'all doing?

Nothin'.Not much.

Well, all that
is about to change.

Kevin, hand it over. What?

The game. What game?

That game.

Hand the phone.

Are you being serious right now?

Yes.

Mom! Mommy! Help!

Don't call her. Talk
to me. All right?

Operation Tiger Dad
is in full effect.

Tiger what?

Tiger dad.

I'm gonna take you kids
from average to excellent,

academically,
artistically, and socially.

What do you want?

Oh, she didn't want anything,
baby. You can do the laundry.

It's summer.Yes.

We're supposed to have time off.

Stupid does not
take time off! All right?

It's working day and night,
trying to take you down.

Listen, now,

do you guys know what Facebook
would be if it took time off?

Hmm? Myspace.

All right? You know
who Kobe Bryant would be

if he took time off?

Allen Iverson.

Do you know who Oprah
would be if she took time off?

Hmm? Gayle. All right?

Now, I'm here to make
sure that doesn't happen.

So, tomorrow morning,
at 9:00 a.m. sharp,

I am starting a program

to help you realize your
full potential! All right?

Lindsey, you will be
taking violin lessons.

What? I don't wanna
play the violin.

Nobody wants to play
the violin. All right?

But once you learn, you will.

Kevin, you will be
taking Algebra prep.

Algebra? I barely
got through long division.

And when you're done, you'll be able
to create a formula that explains why.

In the afternoon, you
both will be taking Farsi.

What's that?

It's only one of the world's
hardest languages.

And then there will be
vocabulary immersion,

uh, targeting the elements
and tennis.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That was only for one day?

Nick, don't you think
that's a lot for a day?

You know, you're right,
baby. All right.

I'll save going over the
rest of the week for later.

Great, that'll give me time
to check the train schedules.

If I'm not here in the morning,
just know that I love you,

and I'll send a note
once I'm safe.

Ooh, wow.

Just like I always pictured it.

Small, kinda dangerous,
a little dirty.

Kinda like Filipino men.

So, we are here. Pick something.

Hey, have you decided
where you're gonna get yours?

I was thinking
the back of my neck.

Visible, but only
if I know you like that.

What about you? Where
are you gonna put yours?

I don't know. I'm definitely
not gonna get a tramp stamp.

Maybe my ankle,
or, you know, my shoulder.

You could always
put it in your armpit.

That way no one
would ever see it,

unless they're
trying to rob you,

or trying to wash your armpit.

Oh, Saito, this is Suzanne.

How're you doing? Hi.

Nice to meet you, Saito.

Um, just,
this is my first tattoo.

Yeah, I figured.

Breaking out of the box,
getting wild.

You don't wanna be the old
lady that's always been wanting

to get a tattoo and didn't.

I know I don't,

Bring back
those pictures? Oh, yeah.

Okay, it's going to be this one!

Oh, that's nice.Mmm-hmm.

But kinda sedate considering that
you have a maze tattoo on your head.

Is that a true story?

Wow, that's crazy. I know, right?

I have that same tattoo.

But well, I can't tell
you where it is.

Oh, what? Is it in your armpit?

Are you sure you wanna do this?

I've seen your type before.

You wanna spice things up
by getting a tattoo,

and you don't want
anybody to see it.

You know, which is
kind of an insult.

Well, I mean, Saito,

I would love to get, you know,

my whole arm done. Sleeve!

But, you know, I've kids,
I have a business.

I got kids. I got a business.

Well, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do.

Okay, so I was
thinking about this.

Oh! That means "life."

Yeah, see, I can't read it,

but I do speak a little Chinese.

Yeah, so do I.
Because I'm Chinese.

Wait, "Saito."

But that's Japanese.
That's not a Chinese name.

What, just because I'm Chinese,
I can't have a Japanese name?

I mean, somebody ought
to call up Whoopi Goldberg

and tell her to change her
name because she ain't Jewish.

Somebody better call up
Shaquille O'Neal,

and tell him to change his
name, because he ain't Irish.

Somebody better call up Jennifer
Lopez and tell her to change her name

because she ain't
Puerto Rican. Yes, she is.

She is? Oh.Yes.

Well, you know what they say.

Is that what they say? Oh, yeah,
that's what they say.

Let me tell you what.

Let me take care of her,
and then I'll take care of you.

Okay, great. Thank you.

All right.

So, Amsterdam... Yes.

...where are you
putting this one?

Pow!

Ooh, crazy.

Hey, guys. How was your day?

I think it went great.

That's because you
weren't playing the violin

while trying to stand
on your toes for an hour.

You don't know that.
Huh. You don't know that.

Look, can I just go
watch some videos?

No, you may not go
watch some videos.

Can I go play
video games with Troy?

No, you may not go
play video games with Troy.

Why not?

Games are a distraction. Games are fun.

Fun is a distraction.

Do you think Tiger Woods became
the world's best golfer by having fun?

I don't know if that's how it
started, but that's how it ended.

Got tomorrow all planned out?

Yep. I'm thinking of doubling
up on the music sessions,

you know, putting them in a
group after the individual sessions.

Uh, Nick, don't you think you're
pushing the kids a little too hard?

Why?

Because they ran to their
mommy saying that they're tired?

Shoot, I'm tired too.

Tired of being worried
about whether or not

my kids are gonna
make it in this world.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You got a tattoo?

Yeah. You like?

Oh, yeah! I guess.
What does it mean?

It says, "Eternal Love,"
and it's dedicated to you.

Oh, wow.

A tattoo dedicated to me?
Oh, baby.

Mmm. Hmm.

You know,
I always wanted someone

to put "Nick" somewhere
on their body.

And by someone,
you mean me, right?

Exactly.

Well, you're just gonna
have to settle for this.

Putting "Nick" on my body

is a little bit too much for me.

And I'm not saying that we will,

but what if we break up?

Oh, we ain't breaking up.

But if we did, I mean,

you could always fix it
with "Snickers."

"In the nick of time,"
"nickel-and-dime."

You do realize this sounds like

you put way too much
thought into this?

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

I'll be right with you guys.

Okay, thanks.

This place brings back memories.

I dated girls with
tattoos. It's scary.

You don't know whether
they're gonna be wild

like skinny-dipping at midnight,

or wild like chain you
to a radiator in the basement.

Which happened to you?

Both, and with the same girl.

She chained me to a radiator,
and then went skinny-dipping.

So, you can understand my fear.

As a matter of fact, I don't.

Thanks for the story.

So, shouldn't you be out
making your kids do

knuckle push-ups on rice
or something?

You know, when I first
got into this, man,

I didn't realize that I would
have to up my game, too.

But being a tiger dad is almost
harder than being a tiger kid.

Academic excellence and actual
success are not synonymous.

Right, but academic ignorance
and actual failure are.

Look, you know, I'll take my
chances making my kids smart.

There you go. Seems apropos.

A panther. I like it.

Thank you, Saito.

And I'll be back
next week for my piercing.

All right, I'll see you
later, baby. Oh, yeah.

What's up, guys? What
kinda ink you thinking?

Oh, not for me. It's for him.

You? Yeah, me. Why?

You're dark. What?

I mean, you're a dark-skinned
black man and you want a tattoo.

What's the point in that?

The point is
I want a tattoo. Why?

You're barely gonna
be able to see it.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I mean, you have beautiful skin,

but it's not good for tattooing.

Now, look at this guy
right here.

Sickly-looking vampire guy.

Perfect for a tattoo.

Thanks.

You, not so much.

I like people to see my work.

I mean, putting a tattoo
on you, it's kinda like

getting a haircut
and then putting a hat on.

Okay, you know, I'm gonna keep
this simple for you, man. All right?

I want a tattoo.
You are a tattoo artist.

Now, can I get a tattoo,

or do I have to take my money
and take it someplace else?

You know what, I'm sorry.

Thank you. You're right.

I mean, if you want a tattoo,
you should have a tattoo.

Thank you.

Did you pick
a design out? Yeah, right there.

A black panther?

Oh, man, that is perfect.

That's like me putting a grain of rice
on your skin, you know what I mean?

You guys, that is amazing!

Honey, the kids
can count in Farsi.

What?

What number was that?

Lady, you have to
tell me what they said.

You know, I will admit I
was a little skeptical at first,

but this is really impressive.

You wanna see something you're
gonna really be impressed by?

Okay.

All right. You ready? Yeah.

And bam! My new tattoo!

Oh, you got one too.
That's great!

What does it say, "Suzanne"?

No, it's a panther.

Are you sure
that's not a penguin?

No, it's a panther.

Look, I can make it move.

That's a panther?

He says it's gonna take a
little while for the ink to set,

but once it's takes, it's
gonna pop like, "Whoo!"

That does not
look like a panther.

It looks like one of the monkey
toys with the little cymbals.

It's not a monkey,
it's a panther.

I'm gonna go practice my
scales. My lesson starts soon.

Did you know Kanye used
the violin on his last album?

Kinda cool.Yeah.

I'm gonna go study my formulas.

Off to study without being told?

I never would've believed it if I
hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Kinda like my tattoo. Rawr!

Yeah, um...

You know, honey, I was thinking,

once the kids go back to school,

there's a lot more things
that we can sign them up for.

More? Yeah.

You know, when I started
this whole tiger dad thing,

it was for the kids,
but, you know,

it's a lot of lessons
and pickups.

I mean, it turns out
it's a whole lot of work.

Oh, and I appreciate that.

I mean, once they are done,

they're gonna be the
smartest kids in Seattle,

so, you know, why stop now.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I could try

to find some time
to get some sleep.

Occasionally.

Sometimes.

Yay! Very good.Yay.

Thanks, Mommy.

Mrs. Kingston-Persons,
can I have a glass of water?

Oh, yeah, of course.
Just follow me.

Great job. Keep going.Okay.

I love your tattoo.

Oh, thank you.

I mean, it's really original.

Usually, people do stuff, they
don't even know what it means,

but that is cool.

So, what made you pick that?
I love that place.

Oh, um, Needles?

My girlfriend took me there.

No, I mean the Red Dragon
Restaurant. I was just there last night.

Excuse me?

The Red Dragon Restaurant.

You have that tattooed
on your shoulder.

What? No, this says,
"Eternal Love."

Oh, the big characters
say "Eternal Love,"

but the little characters say,

"Red Dragon Restaurant.
Five Seattle locations.

"Mention this tattoo
and receive 5% off."

You're Korean, this is Chinese.

Just because I'm Korean,
I can't read Chinese?

Dad. Dad, wake up.

Dad! What?

Get up! What? What?

We're gonna be late.

It's Sunday morning. Yeah, we know.

You don't have classes
on Sunday morning.

Uh, they do now.

Oh, all right. You know, okay.

Look, maybe it's time

we take Operation Tiger
into phase two.

All right? This is when I'll
begin to introduce things

I've taken away
back into your life.

Like what? Like sleep.

Aren't you guys tired?

I'm not. My brain is stimulated.

Look, Lindsey, don't you
wanna text some of your friends?

They can't read Latin.

Guys, I am tired, okay?

Look, I know I want you
to be a success, all right?

And I want you
to be able to compete,

but if preparing you for the future
kills me now, I just don't see the point.

Does this mean
no more Farsi lessons?

Why would you wanna
take Farsi, anyway? Huh?

Look, they're just gonna put you
on the no-fly list. You don't want that.

Okay. Kids,
your father is tired.

Yeah... Move.

Here, here.

Take... Why don't you go
text some people?

I know you gotta get
caught up on that.

Why don't you work on your
level 7, 8, 9? All that stuff, man.

Go dumb down a little bit. Go.

Aw, honey,
are you all tigered out?

Yes, yes, I am.

Hey!

We need to talk to you.

I'm here, you're here.
Seems like a good time.

You put an advertisement
for a restaurant on my back?

I gave you 5% off.

And no one can
even see my tattoo. Well, I did warn you.

Okay, what are you
gonna do about this?

If you don't like it, just
wash it off. It's temporary.

You didn't even give me
a real tattoo?

Why would I give you
a real tattoo?

So you can come back here in six
months and ask me how to get it removed?

But before you take it off, you
should try the kung pow chicken.

It's fantastic.

What about me?

I've been waiting for this thing
to settle, and I still can't see it.

That's 'cause there's
nothing there, you moron.

Look, I told you you're too
dark. But would you listen? No.

So, wait, you just stabbed
me in the arm for half an hour?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Okay, all righty.
Okay, let's go.

Okay, come on. Let's go.

Come on.