All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S02E24.The.Good.Cop.Bad.Cop.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Okay, let's try this again.

Power, on.

You've been doing the same thing
for the past half hour.

- Let me try.
- No.

Okay? Your dad said it works now.

Anyway, you need to go upstairs and
clean your room like I told you to.

Fine, but don't say
I didn't try to help.

I agree.

Usually, I don't like to rush things,

but I'm telling you, man, with this one,

I am going all in.

Who are you talking about now?

Here name is Katrina,

and she is per-eezy to the fect-eezy.

What?

Dude, just say "perfect."

Okay.

You know what, she's almost perfect.

She has 98% of the qualities
I look for in a woman.

Oh, okay, well, what's the
two% she doesn't have?

I don't really know. It's just kind
of like a margin-of-error thing.

Is that how you pick your women?

With margins of error?

Yeah. I told her about you.

She has a birthday coming, and she wants to
talk to you about maybe planning her party.

Oh. Well, who am I
to question your choices?

So, when can I meet her?

I'll bring her by the office.

Bye.

All right.
Peace out.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Lindsey.
How was school?

Fine.

Do you think I could go to a Bruno Mars
concert tomorrow night with Kelly?

I don't know what that is,
but I think you better ask your mother.

Ask me what?

Can I go see a Bruno Mars concert
tomorrow night with Kelly?

On a school night? No.

Not to mention, you failed
two quizzes this week.

But, Mom!

But nothing.
You bring your grades up,

and if he comes back to town on a Saturday,
we will talk about it.

Uh, you need my help with that?

No, and why would you set me
up with Lindsey like that?

What? I didn't set you up.

Oh, you acting like I brought you to
a hotel room you've never been before

with a girl you've never seen before

and had her ask you questions
you've never been asked before.

I just told her to ask you.

Why does she need to hear it from me?

Nick, why do I always have
to be the bad cop?

Nobody's making you the bad cop.

Look, you the one always walking
around talking about,

"Well, whenever anybody got something
to say around here or do anything,

"y'all better ask me."

Well, we asked you.

Well, I'm always the one
telling the kids, "no."

It's getting old, Nick.

Maybe you should try saying yes.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet

So, what do you think?

This is fantastic.

I absolutely want you
girls to do my party.

You told me she was good.

But you didn't tell me she was this good.

You only have one birthday a year,

and why wouldn't we celebrate

the most beautiful girl in the world?

Aw.

I don't know how much
you know about Martin,

but throwing this party

is the least he should be doing for you.

Oh, no. I'm paying for the party.

All I need from him is to show up

and look good to complete my night.

It's not every day a girl
gets a man like this

when she's turning 50.

Hmm.

Wow!
You're turning 50?

Yes, 50.

Wow. Fifty?

Fifty?

I know. I can't believe it myself. Fifty.

Martin, you didn't tell us
that Katrina was turning 50.

No, I did not.

You know, you look amazing.

I mean, you're gonna turn
50 into the new 40.

More like the new 32,

33 tops.

Yeah.

Wow, 50.

You go, Demi Moore.

Yeah, well, he's not quite
as young as Ashton,

but I'll take him, anyway.

Um, honey, could you finish up
the paperwork here

- and I'll meet you at my place later?
- Yeah.

Gotta go and do my power Pilates.

You work that body, girl.

You know I will.

- Bye.
- Wow.

Oh, my God!

I cannot date a 50-year-old!

Martin, come on.

She's gorgeous, all right?

- Besides, age ain't nothing but a number.
- Mmm-hmm.

Not if that number is 50.

You know what, you need to
look on the bright side.

Now, you can get discount movie tickets.

You can eat for half price before 3:00.

Mmm-hmm, and you'll get the inside
scoop on generic drugs.

And you've got somebody to watch QVC with.

Oh! You know what, can you do me a favor?

Can you get me the Joan Rivers
glamorous satin ruffled jacket?

It's for my grandmother.

How am I gonna do this?

- This will crush her.
- What?

Well, I have to break up with her.

Oh! Uh-uh.

No, you will not.

Martin, you're not gonna break up with her

just because she's turning 50.

Now, Martin,

she was a perfectly good catch

before you found out, and she still is.

She's going to have this party,

and you're going to be at it.

What do you get someone who's turning 50?

- Depends.
- On what?

No.

Depends.
The diaper.

- Oh.
- Martin!

- Come on! That's ridiculous.
- That's crazy.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, babe.

Young lady, come back here.

Yes?

I know you're mad,

but you're not gonna disrespect
me in my own house.

Now, say hello.

Hello.

Good-bye.

Now, why do I have to catch attitude

just because you're the one who has
a problem telling the kids "no"?

Suzanne, how am
I supposed to know?

If you paid attention to what
was going on around here,

you could make informed decisions.

Hey, uh, is it all right if I have

some whipped cream and cookie dough?

Sure. Why not?

What?

You did it again!

Did what?

Cookie dough and whipped cream.

He hasn't even had dinner yet, Nick.

It's just a snack.

He'll be hungry in another ten minutes.

That's not the point.

The point is, you have a problem
telling the kids "no."

Oh, and now it's a joke?

No. Look.

I've told the kids "no" plenty of times.

Actually, I can remember
some "I don't think so's"

and "That doesn't sound like a good idea,"

but I can't remember the last time

you served up a flat-out "no."

Whoa, whoa, okay.
What you saying?

Like, I don't have it in me
to tell the kids "no," huh?

Well, I hope you do,
because for the next week,

you're going to be the hatchet
man around here.

If anything comes up with the kids

that we need to say no to,

you're gonna be the one to do it.

I'm gonna get to be good cop for a change,

and you can be bad cop.

Cool.

Kevin.

- I got this.
- Yeah, Dad?

Um, I just wanted to tell you,

no, no, and, one more
for your back pocket, no.

What's that for?

That's the answer for the next three
things you ask me if you can do.

Now, get out of here.

Boom.

Oh, so you think it's that simple.

I think the "boom" speaks for itself.

Hmm, we'll see what happens

when this ka-booms up in your face.

I got it.

- This one.
- Yeah.

Suzanne.

Martin, what's wrong?

We only have a minute.
Okay, now, Suzanne,

you know I respect you as a professional,

which is why I referred
Katrina to you.

And I realize this may damage
you and your reputation,

but you cannot go through with that party.

Give us one good reason why not.

I'll give you 50.

Martin, Katrina is smart.

Smart.

She's beautiful.

Beautiful.

- Energetic.
- Energetic!

Funny.

Fifty!

I just thought she was an old soul.

I didn't realize she was old.

I mean, do you understand that we
had dinner last night at 5:00 p.m.

Afterwards, we go back to her place.

She wants to put on some music.

Guess what her favorite band is?

The Cars.

Martin. The party is in three days.

You can do this.

Three days closer to 50.

I love watching him like this.

Hi.

How are you?

- Good, how are you?
- Good to see you.

Good.

Okay, so what have we got here?

All right, well, we've got some
great stuff to show you today.

Oh, very nice.
I like this color.

You know, musically,
I was thinking of, like...

What do you think of The Cars?

- Oh, fabulous.
- Absolutely.

- Cool.
- I love them.

I hate to disturb you,
but you need to go pick up Kevin.

From where?

His friend Bobby's house in Bellevue.

Do you know how long it'll take
me to get to Bellevue and back?

I don't know.
Forty minutes.

In a helicopter.

Did you see the traffic
on the bridge going that way?

Who told him he could go
to his friend's house?

He didn't ask me.

No, he asked me, and I said yes,

because that's what I'm doing
this week. I am saying yes.

This way, I get to see what it feels
like to be the hero for a change.

So, you don't think you'd be the hero

if you went to pick him up?

Nope.

You do realize the game just started?

Then, you haven't had
a chance to get into it yet.

Hey, honey.

Did you have a good time?

I was having a good time
until Dad showed up.

You weren't supposed
to pick me up until 8:00.

This dude picked me up at 7:45,
blowing his horn like a madman.

I didn't even get to eat my ice cream.

We got ice cream here.

But I wanted ice cream there.

Boom.

Just that simple.

I'm sorry you couldn't come
to the concert the other night.

It was everything.

Are you sure you can't come
to the Kickback?

My mom was mad at my dad,
so now I can't do anything.

Girl, it's like apartheid up in here.

I wish it was like apartheid in here.

At least they got to dance
around and throw rocks.

Well, I'll tell you how it was.

All right.

- Have fun, okay?
- Okay.

- See ya.
- See ya later.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing
in here playing video games,

and your room is a mess?

Remember those three things
you said no to?

I was gonna ask if I should clean my room,

do my homework,
and stop playing video games.

Is that my computer?

Yeah.

Who told you you could use that?

Mom.

Boom!

I scored.

Boy, quit crying and taste the cupcake.

What is so funny?

Is that what she said to you last night?

You don't know what it's like
with this woman, man.

I am running out of excuses.

Headache.

That was the first one out of the gate.

What about man problems?

I will not put that into the universe.

Death in the family.

Wait a second.
That's an excuse?

- Yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.

That's horrible.

You would say that a family member
died just to get out of...

Listen, you don't choose a live person.

No, my aunt Roberta has died four times.

I just don't know.

I keep thinking she looks like Jessica
Biel with her clothes on,

and Jessica Tandy with them off.

Okay, Martin.

It can't be that bad.

She looks like she takes
great care of herself.

Just think of it as a birthday gift.

Yeah, a small token of your appreciation.

That is not funny.

Hey, Dad.
I'll be back later.

I'm going over to Kelly's to study.

You didn't ask me if you could
go over to Kelly's house.

I asked Mom.
She said yes,

and I don't know what this means,

but she told me to tell you, "boom."

Hey, Kelly.

I don't know why you're not picking up,
but slight change of plans.

I'm coming to the Kickback.

Call me when you get this.

We need seven eggs, the jumbo eggs,

30 ounces...

What are you doing?

Making a burger.

On a donut?

I saw it on the Internet.

I asked Mom if could try it,
and she said yes.

Boom.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, Kelly.

Hi, Mr. Kingston-persons.

Come in.

Is Lindsey here?

No.

Um, she's supposed to be with you,
at your house, studying.

Oh, my God.
I forgot about that.

She must be outside my place
right now, waiting for me.

I should go.

Whoa. Even if you forgot
she was over there,

what are you doing over here?

I know, right?

Well, what happened was,
I was over here earlier,

and I think
I left my phone.

Hey, Kelly.
What are you doing here?

I thought you were supposed
to be with Lindsey.

That's my phone.

I told you
I left it here.

It's Lindsey.

Hmm.

Answer it,
Kelly.

Put it on speaker.

Hi.

Kelly.

Yeah?

I've been trying to reach
you for the last hour.

Are you at my place,
waiting outside for me?

What? No!

I'm at the Kickback.
You're not here.

No, I am not there.

Well, if either of my parents

call looking for me, don't answer.

I told them that I was
at your house studying.

We know.

Please tell me you just recorded

my dad's voice to try and scare me.

She didn't.

I bet you guys thought
I was at the Kickback.

I'm at Kelly's. Girl, come on,
so we can study.

Are they buying it?

Suzanne.

I think you need to calm down.

Calm down?

Nick...

I can't believe that I have a daughter
who would lie to my face.

What if something happened?

We wouldn't know where to look,

who to talk to,
or what to tell the police,

all because we have a daughter
who's out there lying.

Calm? Oh, yeah,
I got your calm.

Baby, baby,
I got this.

Okay? Come here.
Come on.

You wanted me to be the bad cop.

I'll be the bad cop.

Look, I'll be a step worse than that.

I'll be a white cop.

Okay.

I'm gonna let you handle this.

You calm?

I'm calm.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Whoa, whoa, baby.
What happened to calm?

All right, now, look, breathe.

Breathe, baby.

There you go.

Lindsey.

Sit down over here next to me.

Now, just tell us, what were you thinkin'?

I was thinking that since you
were saying no to everything

and Mom was saying yes to everything,

I would get a yes from Mom,
go to the Kickback,

and neither of you guys would find out.

And how's that working out for you?

Lindsey, we didn't mean literally,
"What were you thinking?"

What we meant was,

"Why did you think
you would get away with this?"

Because I didn't think
Kelly would lose her phone.

Do I look like
I was born yesterday?

What your mother meant was,

you should never lie
to people who trust you,

and you should never trust
people who lie to you.

I didn't want to lie, Dad,
but you weren't being fair.

You didn't lie
because I wasn't being fair.

You lied because you weren't
getting what you wanted.

And maybe you weren't getting
what you wanted

because you weren't doing
what you're supposed to do.

And you weren't doing
what you're supposed to do,

because you don't believe
what we tell you.

And you don't believe what we tell you,

because you think you're smarter than us.

And you think that you're smarter than us

because you're dumb.

And you're dumb because you're young,

and because you're young,
you think we have to be fair.

But we don't have to be fair,
'cause we ain't equals.

You're the child.
We're the parent.

And if you lie to us again,

I will snatch your tongue
out of your throat.

Are we clear?

Yes, Mom.
I'm sorry.

Consider yourself grounded
for the next month.

A month.
But, Dad, that's not...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

That's not what?

Say it.

Please say it.
It's not what?

Now, let me tell you something.

The next thing that comes
out of your mouth,

it better not rhyme with "care," "hare,"

"snare," "rare," "chair," "dare,
" "wear," "tear,"

"pear," "share" or "there."

Beware.

Lindsey, go to your room.

Hey, Mom, can I make some fried Twinkies?

No.

But that's not fair.

Run, Kevin.

Run, Kevin! Run!

Did you get it?

- No.
- Oh.

That's a joke.
That's a joke.

Oh, my God.

So, did Mr. Kotter start a suit line?

Uh-uh.
No, no.

He just came from
a Mr. Furley film festival.

No, you just entered

a Barney Miller look-alike contest.

Uh-uh, he's the next new contestant

on The Price is Right!

Come on down!

All right.
Enough with the jokes.

I feel bad enough already.

Okay, what happened?

So, after the party...

You got in way-back machine
and bought some suits?

You done?

Mmm-hmm.

So, we're back at her place,
and she's all over me.

Like polyester on Evel Knievel?

- Okay, that's got to be it.
- I had to do it.

Okay, so she's all over you

because it's her birthday.
That's to be expected.

I decide that
I'm gonna make a stand.

I tell her that I am still getting
over a death in the family, huh?

I say that I am excited that it's her birthday
but I will not sleep with her.

Who did you say died?

- My aunt Roberta.
- Uh-uh.

You used my aunt Roberta
in your death story?

It didn't matter.
She didn't believe me.

She asked me what was really going on,

and, well,
I had to tell her.

You didn't.

I did.

And then she opened up
her robe, and she said,

"This is what you are missing."

And?

My margin of error was way off.

I mean, she was "Fuh-lawless."

I mean, I'm talking...
I was expecting to see,

like, Spanx, and a push-up bra,

but I'm telling you,
everything was just beautiful.

All right. Come on.

She couldn't have been flawless.

There had to be one thing wrong with her.

Yeah, her age forgot to tell her
body to stop looking like that.

So, what's with the suit?

She's making me wear it.

She says if I think she's an old woman,

then I should look like an old man.

Well, how long do you have
to wear that thing?

As long as it takes.

Oh, damn. You know what, I give up.

- Mmm.
- What's wrong?

I've been trying to learn to use
this remote for the last week,

and it doesn't matter what I do

or what button I push,
I get nothing.

Did you put the selector on "TV?"

- What?
- At the top.

You see the little buttons?
The "DVD," "DVR," "Video."

Press "TV."

Yes!

There it is!

What are you wearing?

Look, I'm sure you have
many, many funny jokes.

Unfortunately,
I need to go, now.

What? You going to find Starsky?

Good one.
That was good!

Thank you very much, Martin.

You know, my girlfriend may be old,

but she does know how to work
a remote control, Grammy.

Martin. One more thing.

What?

The '70s called.

Yes, I know.
They want my suit back.

No, they said you can keep it.

That's good.

Baby, now, wait a minute.

When I tried to help you,
you wouldn't let me.

But why'd you let him help you?

I wanted to do it myself.

Okay, uh, look.

I was just talking to Lindsey,

and she wants to know whether we're
really gonna ground her for a month.

What did you say?

I said I didn't know.

I told her I'd talk to you first,

and we'd get back to her.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

I told you, I can be the bad
cop when I need to be.

By the way,

is there anything else you said yes to

that I should know about?