All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S02E22.The.Test.Taker.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

I can't believe these guys
make all that money

just driving around in a circle.

It's not a circle.
It's an oval.

And it's not just driving.
NASCAR is America's sport.

That's baseball.

No, that's America's favorite pastime.

I thought that was Facebook.

Oh, finally.

Hey, yo, Mike. What's up?
Have a seat, man.

Who is this?

That's my nephew, Frankie.

Hey, knucklehead, you walk into
somebody's house, you say hello.

All right,
I'm sorry.

Hey.

What took you so long?

I was on my way over,
when my sister called

to pick this kid up from detention.

The kid's a complete disaster.

It's a good thing I'm deaf,
or that would hurt my feelings.

Oh, wait. That's right.
I'm not deaf.

Mike, maybe you shouldn't say that type
of thing to the kid's face, man.

What, I'm gonna talk behind his back?

The kid's a disaster.

He knows it. I know it.
Everybody knows it.

Hey, yo, so, what, are you in,
like, eighth grade or something?

Sixth.

Sixth grade, wow.

What, do you have one
of those crazy birthdays

where you started
school late or something?

No, nothing like that.

Kid's just a dummy.

That's 'cause my family spends so
much time boosting my self-esteem.

- I'm sorry, okay?
- Yeah, you're sorry.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- You're always sorry.

I just don't know what we're
gonna do with you.

Look, is he having problems in school or...

Yes, he is.

All his mom wants him to do is pass the
sixth grade assessment test this week

so he gets out of that school

before he's old enough
to teach the bleeping class.

Yo, Kevin took that test last week.

Yo, Kevin.

- Maybe he can help you out.
- I hope so.

I don't know what we're
gonna do with you, man.

Kevin, this is
Mike's nephew, Frankie.

Do you think you could help Frankie
study for his assessment test?

You're in the sixth grade?

I'm a year or so older
than I'm supposed to be.

Is that a mustache?

I said "or so."

- Come on.
- Come on. Come on.

Get out of the seat.
Don't be rude.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Hey, Mom, can I get some jeggings?

Are jeggings free?

No, they're only $39.

Do you have $39?

- No.
- No.

You know, there are over 500
events with samples to scan.

If I spend all day on this,
I'm not gonna have time for anything else.

Can we please hire a temp?

Okay, it's not in the budget,
not right now.

You have to do this.
I'm sorry.

Okay, but don't get mad when I
report you to human resources.

It's not gonna work, Gigi.

I've been threatening to call Child Protective
Services on her since I was eight.

She doesn't care.

Okay, you know what?

I have the solution.

You want help.

You want jeggings.

You help her.
I'll buy you jeggings.

- Deal? Deal.
- Thank you.

Lindsey, find some time this week to
come by the office after school.

Okay.

See you, guys.

- Bye.
- Bye, honey.

Good morning, beautiful.

Mmm, morning.

Where are you guys going, anyway?

We're gonna be at spin class.

Spin class.

Yes, Nick is doing a piece on the
best spin classes in Seattle,

and since I know the best ones,

this week, I'm gonna be his tour guide.

I don't see what the big deal

is supposed to be about spin class.

I watch the commercials.

Doesn't even seem like a real workout.

It's just disco on a bike.

Okay, I'm going to ignore the fact

that there are no more discos.

That being said, spin is one
of the best workouts around.

Oh, yeah, it is.

Okay, girls!

And ride this bike.

Ride this bike.

Pump it up.

Pump it up.

Uphill. Uphill.

Downhill. Downhill.

Left turn.
Right turn.

Ooh! Ooh!

- Okay.
- Ooh! Ooh!

Nick. Let's see if you're still
laughing after the workout.

We don't need no water,
let those leg muscles burn.

Burn, leg muscles, burn.

Ow.

Hey, um, why don't you shoot over there,

you know, pick up some B-roll?

Oh, you mean go do the job I've been
doing every day for 20 years?

Sure.

Hey, honey.

Is that what you're wearing?

Yeah, why?

You of all people should know

that you have to wear the
right gear for your sport.

Now, I picked you up some
shorts. Where are they?

Under my basketball shorts.

Okay, take those off.

I can't be seen

walking around in biking shorts.

I have a reputation.

Nick, these people are here
to work out, not look at you.

Thank you.

- Energy cocktail?
- Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Ah!

Love your shorts.

What is this?

Is this a class or a club?

I mean, energy cocktails,

outfits, a DJ.

Nick, it's called atmosphere.

Now, where would you like to sit?

- Let's go to the back.
- Okay.

Try to keep up.

On second thought, let's go up here.

Yeah, good call.

Okay, everybody.

Give it up for my man on the
ones and twos, DJ Handbrake.

Whoo-hoo!

Ones and twos?

Okay, everybody.

Pump it up. Pump it up.

Pump it up.
Pump it up.

Ride this bike.
Ride this bike.

Ride this bike.
Ride this bike.

Uphill, uphill.

Downhill, downhill.

Right turn, right turn.

Left turn, left turn.

Pump it up.
Pump it up.

Pump it up.
Pump it up.

So, why can't I just use a calculator?

Because you're supposed
to be the calculator.

All right, now, listen.

Long division is simple.

Look, why don't you finish this for me?

Look, you're better at it.

Because I'm not gonna be
there for you on the exam.

Say, that's not a bad idea.

Why don't you take the test for me?

Okay, there are three things
wrong with that.

Number one, I don't have a mustache.

Number two,
I'm not you.

And number three,
I think people might notice.

All right.
It's a testing center.

You go in.
You say you're me.

You take the test.
That's it.

No, absolutely not.
Not happening.

Look, man, you got to help
me out on this one.

If I don't pass this test,

a lot of people are gonna
be disappointed in me.

And when they get disappointed,
they get mad.

And when they get mad,

let's just say it's not gonna
be so good for me, all right?

If I had a choice, I wouldn't
ask you to do this for me.

Okay, listen, I don't want anything bad

to happen to you, but I just can't do it.

All right.
Can't do it?

Twenty bucks says you can.

Twenty bucks doesn't know
what it's talking about.

Ah, but...

Forty does.

What makes 40 think that?

So, you heard it from 60.

Does 60 know 80?

They're like this.

Cool.

All right, it's simple.

You scan, you label the file,

you drag it into the folder

on the desktop, and repeat.

Got it.

No, but before we start,

there's a few other things
you need to know first.

Like what?

Office politics.

You need to know who to talk to,

who not to talk to, what to
tell to who you do talk to,

what not to say to people

who may or may not talk to you,

and why or why not
you should or should not say

what you know or don't know about people

who might or might not be talking

about you behind your back.

Wow.

I didn't know so much went
into working in an office.

- Mmm-hmm.
- How am I supposed to remember all that?

Okay, I'll make it simple.

Be polite, mind your business,

and whatever you do, stay away from Mimi.

Who's Mimi?

She's one of the new assistants.

Oh, and get this.

She thinks she better than me.

Oh.

- That's it?
- What's it?

You're not gonna ask me why she
thinks she's better than me?

Yeah, but I was minding my business.

Girl, my business is your business.

Now, listen up.

Whoa. Don't look so nervous.

You're gonna blow the whole thing.

Yo, take this.
Take this.

- What's this?
- It's an ID.

You know, just in case.

They're not even gonna ask for it. Go, go.

Just go.

ID, please.

Francesco DiCosmo?

That's me.

I'm Sicilian.

Hmm.

Thank you.

Francesco.
Francesco!

You forgot your ID.

Oh, thanks.

But, you know, I prefer
Frankie or Franko.

But Francesco is good, too,

you know, since that's my name.

I'm Sicilian.

- Hey, man.
- I know. I know.

Go and shoot some B-roll in the corner.

So, what do you think, Nick,

lens cap on or off?

In case that's a real question, off.

Off it is, Scorsese.

Okay, so this class should be much better.

There's no energy drinks, no DJs,

just a bunch of people
focused on their workout.

- All right.
- No one even talks to me in here.

Okay, hurry up, boys.

Class is about to begin. Now...

Everybody should have their
heart monitors hooked up.

Boys, let me hear that beeping.

Um, I think we should sit

in the back of the class this time.

Okay.

Can I get that bike, please?

Okay, honey.

I love you, honey.

I love you, too.

What's up, man?

Hey, dawg.

What's up?

That girl gets on my nerves.

Who? What happened?

She whose name must not be spoken...

You mean...

- You know me, right?
- Yes.

- You know I don't like no mess, right?
- I guess.

Well, I don't.

So, I don't understand why she always
trying to start some mess with me.

Well, what did she say?

Nothing.

We were on the elevator
for three whole floors,

and she gonna act like she on
the phone the whole time.

Well, what were you doing?

I was texting.

You didn't get my message?

"Can you believe this chick is
riding in the elevator with me,

"pretending to talk to somebody?

"Don't worry about replying.

"I'm just writing this
so she doesn't think I care

"about her pretending
to talk to somebody."

Crazy, right?

Yeah, crazy.

Hey, Mike, come on in.

Kevin.

Hey, manners.

All right, all right,
I'm sorry.

Hey, Mr. Kingston-Persons.

Come on in. Sit down. Sit down.

So, you had the big test
the other day, huh?

How'd it go?

Well, that's why I'm here.

I wanted to come thank
Kevin personally.

I don't know how you did it, but you knocked
some sense into this knucklehead.

He passed?

Yeah, he passed.

And as a token of my appreciation,

I want to give you a little something.

Here's 50 bucks for you.

And for you, Nick,

for being gracious enough to let
your kid help my nephew out,

here's something for you.

What's this?

That's this year's super coupon book.

You use that, you could save
thousands of dollars.

They got coupons on there on everything.

Clothing stores, movies,
restaurants, spas.

You can even use it at one
of those biking classes.

Discounts, baby.

I mean, it's almost better than money,

and it's legal, too.

Well, thanks.

Wow, Frankie.

Man, you should be proud of yourself.

Now, I know we got together to help you,

but in the end, you're the one
that had to do the work.

Well, I was kind of surprised myself.

Here's the kicker.

He did so good on the test,

they said he could take
the seventh grade test,

and if he passes that,

they'll bump him up to the eighth
grade, where he belongs.

I just wanted to come by
and say thanks, man.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Thanks.

Well, you guys can hang upstairs
for a while, man.

Wow, good job, boy.

By the way,

my cousin saw you in his biker
class the other day.

He's a fan.

He said a lot of guys are excited
about you being in there.

Big sports fans, huh?

No, they're gay, and they
find you very attractive.

So, you know we got a problem, right?

I don't have a problem.
You have a problem.

Okay, just study.

If you pass, you pass.
If you fail, you fail.

Wrong.

Let me lay this out for you, slick.

If I take this test,
I'm gonna fail it.

And then my uncle's gonna ask me

how I did so good on the last test

but screwed this one up.

Guess what I'm gonna say.

Well, you'll be in trouble, too.

I've been in trouble before,
but what about you?

I've been in trouble before.

Yeah, you right.

Okay,

see you later, then.

Hey, Gigi, where's Mom?

With a client.
Who were you talking to?

Nobody.

Nobody?

Does "nobody" have a name?

She whose name must not be spoken.

What?

Why would you talk to her
after I asked you not to?

Because she spoke to me.

And I didn't tell her anything.

And she...

Gigi, she was nice.

Lindsey, if she were nice,

she wouldn't have acted
like I wasn't in the room

the first time we met

and then pretended not to remember
my name the next time.

She just wants you to think there's
something wrong with me.

That's so weird.

She said exactly the same thing about you,

except she said you ignore her,

pretended to forget her name,

and you're always pretending to text

while you're riding
in the elevator with her.

Well, as the executive assistant
with the most seniority,

what I do or don't do
is neither here nor there.

And she's supposed to know who I am.

I don't need to know who she is.

But I do know why her name is Mimi.

Because all she thinks
about is me, me, me.

Wait, are you saying that all
she thinks about is you,

or all she thinks about is her?

Mind your business, sit down and be quiet,

and be glad her name is not You-mi.

Ooh, all right.

Now, these people came to work out.

That last class was too easy.

Well, thank goodness we finally found
a class that meets your standard.

Hey, man.

I wasn't trying to be disrespectful.

I just think we got off on the wrong foot.

Yeah, maybe we did.

I'm sure when you were telling me,

20-year veteran, two-time Emmy winner,

former Gulf War correspondent,

how to frame up a two-shot
for a rookie reporter's piece

that will probably never see
the light of day,

you weren't trying to be disrespectful.

Okay, so we cool?

Well, that's it.
I'm done.

And you did a great job.

Your mother's gonna be proud of you.

Listen, um, Lindsey,

I've been thinking,

and I really need to apologize

for putting you in the
middle of my problem.

I mean, it's just...
I'm a nice person,

and I want people to like me, and I just
don't understand what happened with Mimi.

That's funny.

Why is that funny?

She said the same thing to me.

Lindsey...

So, I did something.

What did you do?

Mimi!

I just thought if you guys
could start over again,

you can end some of this confusion.

So, Gigi, Mimi.

Mimi, Gigi.

Hello.

Hello.

Okay, well, I'll just leave
you guys alone, now.

I like your nails.

Thank you.
I like your hair.

Thank you.
I like your boots.

Thank you.
I like your heels.

Thank you.
I like your stockings.

Thank you.
I like your skirt.

Thank you.

I like your studded belt.

Thank you. I like your heavyweight
championship belt.

Thank you.

Look, Nick,

I know those other classes
weren't really challenging,

but I promise you,
this one's gonna be tough.

Suzanne, I've already taken
two of these classes.

You know what this is.

I hope you all can bring it.

One, two, three, four, and let's go!

Come on. Push it.

Faster.

Come on. Come on.
Come on, Jeremy, harder!

Yeah, come on, faster.

Sprint, ten seconds.

Here we go, and ten, nine, go.

Eight. Faster.
Come on.

Oh, man.

Still sore, huh?

That class was no joke.

I think I broke my butt.

Really. No, that's not funny.

Oh, hi, guys.

Hey, guys.

Frankie, how'd the test go?

Forget about it.

Piece of cake.

Great.

How about you, son?
How'd you do?

What?

Oh, nothing.

It's just this teacher I know,

she thought she saw this kid

who looked just like you.

But his name was Francesco DiCosmo,

which is such a coincidence, because Mike's
nephew's name is Francesco DiCosmo,

and he was supposed
to be taking this same test

at the same place at the same time

with this kid who looked just
like you but wasn't you.

But since you said, "What?"

you obviously don't know
what we're talking about.

I don't.

Really?

Well, we asked her to send
us a picture, and...

- Wow.
- Wow.

You got to admit, that looks
a whole lot like you.

I can't believe you.

- What?
- I take you to my friend's house

to try to get you some help,

and you try to turn
his kid into a criminal.

Okay, you got me.

That's it, "You got me"?

Well, what do you want me to say,
"You didn't get me"?

You got a picture, for crying out loud.

Okay, look, I cheated, all right?
I'm sorry. I'll be in the car.

Yeah, get in the car.

Hey, Nick, in my defense,

when I brought him over here,

I did tell you he wasn't a good kid.

See you later, Mike.

- I'll see you next time.
- All right.

- Bye, Mike.
- I'm sorry.

Marone!

Why is this kid hanging out with our kid?

Why did you do this?

I was just trying to help him,
but then he bribed me, and he blackmailed me.

Where's the money?

Oh, man.

You staked your name, your reputation,

and your future on $80?

I mean, I guess I could
have held out for $100.

That's not what I'm saying.

Two hundred?

You're missing the point.

Okay, Dad, I don't think the guy has $300.

I'm saying, don't lie and don't cheat.

Look, if you hadn't taken a bribe,

you wouldn't have these problems.

Just look what happened to Reggie Bush.

Yeah, he dated
Kim Kardashian

and then won the Super Bowl.

You know, if you want,
I could just beat you.

Don't lie and don't cheat.

Got it.

- Can I... Can I have my money back?
- No.