Original subtitles

Are you still doing your homework?

I'm almost done.

You wouldn't have to be almost done

if you came home and did your homework

instead of playing video games first.

- Morning. - Hey, good morning.

Oh, nice outfit.

You going to court?

Shut up.

Don't my two girls look nice this morning.

Oh, thank you.

It's "take your child to work day."

Please tell me you didn't forget.

- I want to go to work. - Go to homework.

You will, sweetheart.

You can go to work with your father

as soon as he contacts the school

and tells them he forgot to call them a month ago.

Oh, can Troy come?

If it's okay with his mother.

And since Kevin is gonna be with you,

can you please pick up his dress shoes and socks

for the school dance?

- Okay. - Lindsey, you ready? Let's go.

- All right, bye, babe. - Bye.

- Bye, Mom. - Love you guys.

- Here you go. - What's this for?

You're going to be the janitor, right?

Mom!

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

So what are you working on?

Well, you came on a good day.

Today we are making a presentation

for an engagement party.

You know, one of these days,

you're going to be doing this for me.

How come you're not married, Gigi?

Because I'm particular, baby.

I'm like good credit.

Just because you want me doesn't mean you can have me.

I mean, you got to... You got to work for me.

You got to qualify for me.

You got to maintain me.

Whoo!

All right, well, speaking of a credit line,

I thought you were going on a date last night?

I thought I was too. I got all dressed up,

even took my Gucci shoes out of their box,

and you know where this man took me to?

Coffee.

What's wrong with coffee?

Coffee sucks.

Because at coffee, you talk,

and that's boring.

"What are your likes? What are your dislikes?"

It's like an interrogation.

You know, if I wanted to talk,

I'll get on the Internet in a chat room

like everyone else.

The nerve of some people,

trying to sit down and get to know you.

What is wrong with these men?

Right?

You want... you want an exciting man.

- Mm. - Somebody mysterious.

That's right.

- And sexy. - Work it.

With a Bentley.

Hello.

And a wife and some kids...

- No, come on. - And 15 other mistresses and another identity.

All right, no. The point is,

he could at least taken me to happy hour.

I want to be able to get dressed up,

have a cocktail, have some hors d'oeuvres,

not be surrounded by a whole bunch of people looking for free Wi-Fi.

Suzanne?

Tam? Oh!

Oh, my God, I can't believe...

Oh, my gosh, you look amazing.

This is Tamara Hensley.

We went to High School together.

We were best friends.

Cool.

- And who is this? - Yes.

This is my daughter, this is Lindsey.

- Oh, wow. - It's so nice to meet you.

- You are so beautiful. - Thank you.

Is this the only one?

No, she has a brother, Kevin.

Oh, but have a seat.

Tam, this is so exciting.

You're getting engaged and we get to help plan the party.

Yay!

Okay, so are we wearing white?

- Yes, we are. - All right.

Well, tell us about him.

Oh, girl, I don't know where to start.

I have waited so patiently for my prince.

But it was worth it.

He's awesome.

Oh, and I bet he didn't take you

to coffee on your first date either.

Uh, we met at happy hour.

See? I'm not crazy.

All right, well, Tam, why don't you look through

- these dessert ideas. - Uh-huh.

And, Lindsey, you take notes.

Okay.

So what was my mom like when she was a teenager?

I was an angel.

We had a lot of fun together.

What kind of fun?

The same kind you're going to deny when you grow up.

I don't know what you mean.

Well, compared to now,

we were probably a lot more tame than we think.

That's so weird.

'Cause she's kind of strict now.

Uh, I am not strict.

I'm cautious.

It's a different world out there.

Amen to that.

But we did our thing, didn't we, Suzanne?

Whoo, girl, if those school walls could talk.

Talk? Please talk.

Take some notes.

When models, actors, and tennis players turn pro,

they're just kids.

So why should basketball be any different?

I'm Nick Kingston-Persons.

Peace out.

How was that?

Two minutes, thirty seconds. Perfect.

It was good.

Yeah, Stuart Scott better start looking

- at retirement homes. - Thanks.

Kevin, can you tell me about this school dance you're going to?

Uh, it's on Saturday.

It's at school. And it's a dance.

He's crushing on Melanie.

I think it's a mistake.

Everyone goes for the pretty girl.

It cuts down your chances.

Sometimes you get the pretty girl.

I did it with Kevin's mom.

You did it with Kevin's mom?

Hey, dude, don't talk about my mom.

You know, it's worth a shot, okay?

I want to, but I got no game.

Seriously, like, zero.

- None. - Nada.

My game is so bad, I could play for the Clippers.

How could you have game?

You're just starting out.

Game is learned through trial and error.

True, last week, I learned that a girl

won't talk to you if you have a booger in your nose.

- Yeah. - It's distracting.

Look, important lesson,

men with game always dress the part.

What are you wearing to the dance?

This.

You slept in that.

Plus, I can see what you ate last night.

You mean last week.

Oh, right.

So just after six months,

Robbie shows up to my school

with these balloons and proposes in front of my class.

Oh, my God, that is so romantic.

Inexpensive, but romantic.

Tam, what is your married name going to be?

Mrs. Robert Purcell.

Ooh.

Wow.

Did you see that?

This pencil just kind of...

It snapped, so...

What's the number? It's number one.

You know what, we need some number two pencils.

So, Suzanne, can you help me find some number two pencils?

- Okay. - Yeah, okay.

So, Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey.

You're so big.

And your brother, he must be, what, 18, 19 by now?

What? No, he's 12.

Twelve.

What is wrong with you, man?

Would you really want me to create an engagement party

for the man I should have married?

No, I wouldn't.

Then replace me on this job, Suzanne.

What? Why?

You don't remember Robert Purcell?

No.

I dated him for almost three and a half weeks.

Okay, but you broke up with him.

Only six months ago.

And now he's marrying...

Her.

Excuse me, got to go.

Whoo.

Man, shopping...

Uh-uh-uh.

Going to the mall.

Right, going to the mall is exhausting.

That's why black women are so strong.

They can stay at the mall all day,

just walking around buying stuff.

How long did it take you to understand women?

I still don't.

But I know I don't.

And that, my son, is the secret.

Well, if it's a secret, how did you find out?

Listen, the point is,

you need to embrace your ignorance

and just do what they say.

'Cause a woman is like one of those thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles,

and the top half is all sky.

And every time you find a piece that fits,

the woman will take a pair of scissors and cut the tip off.

Because women are crazy?

Exactly.

So what do you do?

Just be the best you you can be.

It's like my video blog.

I look my best.

I find a great topic to talk about.

I got a great sign-off...

Hey, let's look at the stuff we bought?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What was that?

What? I just want to look at the stuff.

You know, those pants were really interesting.

So you just gonna leave me out there like that, huh?

I mean, if I had something on my face,

- you wouldn't say nothing? - I would tell you...

You'd just let me stand there and be embarrassed?

Come on, man, you know something's wrong.

You feel something. Tell... what is it?

Okay, did you already post it?

No, not yet.

Okay, it was just the big "Peace out."

What's wrong with that?

It's old.

I thought it was good.

That's because you're old.

Go try your clothes on.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot. - What?

Peace out.

I don't understand why you're so upset.

You had that man, and you broke up with him.

I know. Exactly.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing. He wasn't the man for you.

Well, he's marrying her.

What does she have that I don't?

Waterproof mascara?

Not funny.

A little funny.

Gigi, you did not want him.

Yeah, but I don't want her to have him either.

I mean, I'm a very petty woman.

I want every man I've ever broken up with

to be destroyed and never recover.

But if he must recover, it should take years.

Like Mike Tyson.

Okay.

Go home.

And if you can't bear to come in tomorrow,

I will understand.

I'll get someone to sit in.

Great, now you're replacing me too.

That is not what I meant.

Yeah.

- Hey, Gigi. - Yeah.

- Bye, Gigi. - Yeah.

Should I ask?

- No. - Cool.

- Just like that? - Just like that.

Should I ask?

- No. - Cool.

Oh, it looks like somebody went to the barbershop.

- And the mall. - All right.

Are you ready for the dance?

Well, are you still gonna teach me some dance moves?

Yeah.

If he tries to teach you the Harlem shake, let me know.

What's the Harlem shake?

It's your mother's favorite dance.

Aw, you like that.

I know you do.

We gonna start with something simple,

and then we'll see how it goes.

What about slow dancing?

Well, here is your first pointer.

When slow dancing with a lady,

there should be at least a phone book's distance between you.

Okay. What's a phone book?

Wow.

No, I'm serious.

Is it, like, a book with pictures of phones?

Come on, little man. We got work to do.

Get the rhythm in your walk, man.

Get the rhythm in your walk.

- Easy with it. - That's right, smooth.

- Hey, sweetheart. - Hi.

So did you have a good day?

Yeah, it was fun.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure, what is it?

Do I have an older brother?

Do you wha... wha...

What kind of question is that?

No. Of course not.

And who said that?

Tam sort of...

Sort of? How do you sort of say I have another child?

Well, she didn't say you did.

She just asked me if I had an older brother.

And she's known you for a long time,

so I was just wondering why she would think that.

How should I know why Tam thinks

the crazy things that she does?

But I tell you what,

I'm going to find out.

Hey, girl.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Where's the crew?

No crew today.

Is everything okay?

No, not really.

Tam, what did you say to Lindsey yesterday?

About?

About her having an older brother.

Look, Suzanne, you and I both know you got skeletons.

Skeletons?

Yeah.

And a couple of our skeletons share the same bones.

Andre.

Ooh, now, that's somebody I haven't thought about in a long time.

I guess not.

So was it true?

Oh, what he said about why you left?

Partially.

I did have a scare, but that's all that it was.

Well, we didn't hear that part of it.

I mean, the next thing I knew,

you had left in the middle of the semester,

and I didn't hear from you ever again.

Look, I just assumed that you had the baby.

And when you mentioned that Lindsey had a brother,

I just, you know, two plus two.

Girl, I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry.

You had to come in here and admit

that you did it with Andre.

Before that, I used to have respect for you.

Oh, no, you will not go there, okay?

I know your boyfriends,

and you have not always been this cute.

Well, I am now.

Oh, well, yes, you are.

So why didn't you keep in touch?

We were best friends.

Tam, I think I just wanted to forget

how close I came to ruining my life.

Looks like you made out okay.

I did. You too.

Six months, and you got a ring on it.

Yes, I do, a ring on it, a wedding on it,

and about to put a house and kids on it.

Holla if you hear me.

Okay?

Oh, my God, did you get jumped?

Gigi, I told you you could stay home.

No, I did not get jumped.

I have a confession to make.

You jumped somebody?

No, nobody got jumped.

Tamara, I'm so sorry.

You ain't about to jump me, are you?

No.

It's about Robert.

Robbie, your fiancee.

And before you ask, no, he did not jump me,

and I did not jump him.

I used to go out with him.

Right before you.

And apparently, after I broke up with him,

he started seeing you.

And now you're getting married,

and I hated you both,

and I know it's not right

and I don't want those bad vibes out in the world,

so congratulations.

I'm just sorry.

I just didn't want that skeleton in the closet.

Hmm, looks like there's a lot of that going around.

So I guess I'll just go finish drinking and crying.

Wait, Gigi.

I'm only telling you this

because I think you're a decent person.

When I first met Robbie, he was crushed.

He thought that he had met the woman of his dreams,

and he didn't think he was good enough for her.

So she left him.

And I told him everything happened for a reason.

And just because he wasn't good enough for her...

Well, you...

Doesn't mean he wasn't good enough for me.

So, thank you.

For letting him go.

Damn, I want to hate you.

But I can't.

You've inspired me.

I'm going to go and have coffee with a man.

Okay.

Thank you.

That was amazing.

I know.

How could you open up to her like that

and tell her you were willing to settle

for a man who wasn't good enough for her?

Because it wasn't true.

What?

He thought she was nuts.

Listen, she seems nice enough,

but I'm not dating her.

Anyway, I don't want her walking around thinking

that my husband is her soul mate

or nothing crazy like that.

I'd rather her tell the story

of how she kicked him to the curb

and I dragged him out of the gutter.

It's easier for everybody.

All right, so you might be balling now,

but this may be all the money you ever make.

What'll happen when the air comes out?

I'm Nick Kingston-Persons.

Boo-yah!

No.

What was wrong with that?

"Boo-yah."

That's not how I did it.

That's how you did it.

What am I supposed to say?

I don't know, how about, "I'm Nick Kingston-Persons, see you next time"?

"See you next time"?

This is not a story circle. It's sports commentary.

I'll think of something.

How are your dance moves coming?

Good. Give me some music.

Triple time.

Double time.

Triple time.

How about no more time?

Look, that's not dancing.

That's Dance Dance Revolution.

This is dancing.

I can't do all that stuff anyway.

Why can't you show me something simple?

Okay, look.

Just do like this?

Try that.

There you go.

- Hey, that's better. - There you go.

Side to side.

There you go.

Come on. Don't lose it. Keep it.

Keep it. There you go.

Oh.

Once we get you in that outfit,

it's gonna be on and poppin'.

On and poppin'.

No.

Just shut up and dance.

Hey, Troy.

Hi, Mr. Kingston-Persons.

What are you doing?

Dancing.

No, really.

Dancing. Check it out.

Well, um, that's really bad.

You just set black people back two years.

I... just...

Years.

Sweetheart?

- Hi. - Hi.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

I spoke to Tam.

What'd she say?

Well, it's less about what she said

and more about what I didn't say.

The reason that Tam thought that you had an older brother

was because my junior year of High School,

I had a pregnancy scare.

You were having sex your junior year?

Yes.

Once or twice.

You're not going to tell me how many times you did, are you?

No.

But I will tell you that it was one time too many.

And that one time could have changed

the course of my whole life.

Now, I don't want you to go through what I went through,

but I don't want you thinking that I'm a hypocrite either.

I understand. Thanks, Mom.

Good night, sweetie.

Does dad know you were out there like that?

I was not "out there like that."

Yeah, you were.

Just a little.

So?

We've got the house to ourselves for a couple of hours.

Do you have any ideas?

Just a couple.

- Hey, Mom. - Hi, guys.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kingston-Persons.

Dude, you guys are supposed to be at the dance.

What happened?

Well, Kevin started dancing,

and they thought he was having a seizure,

so they called the ambulance.

The paramedics came and said he would be fine,

but insisted he go home.

Aw, I'm sorry, Kevin.

It's okay. It wasn't much fun anyway.

What is that outfit?

Whoa, whoa, what's wrong with the outfit?

He looks like he stepped into a time machine

and came back as Usher.

The guy at the store said this is what all the kids are wearing.

The guy at the store took your money.

He looks like will.i.ain't.

Look, it ain't that bad.

It is that bad.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I will never let your father dress you again.

Now, what was the dance that looked a seizure?

Oh.

- Triple time. - Oh, that's nice.

Did your father teach you that?

Yes.

All right, well, I think you guys

should probably go to sleep,

so, Troy, good night.

Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Kingston-Persons.

For the record, I enjoy Usher.

Especially the Confessions era.

You have good taste.

Thanks.

Hey.

So how was coffee?

Black and cheap.

Just like him.

I'm hungry.