Original subtitles

- Hey, baby. - Hi.

- How was work? - Fine.

What's up with that shirt?

You look like you're about to perform on Dancing with the Stars.

Remember? I'm taking Lindsey out tonight.

Does your shirt know that?

What is wrong with my shirt?

What? I couldn't hear you over that shirt!

Okay, Nick, so, what's the occasion?

I'm taking Lindsey out to give her an idea

of how she should be treated when she goes out on dates.

Oh.

I can't fight it. I might as well prepare her for it.

Where is Lindsey, anyway?

Making him wait. So far, so good.

She's at the mall with her girlfriends.

- Hey, Mom? - Hmm?

I don't have any underwear for tomorrow.

So, what do you want me to do?

I don't know, but I can't walk around without any drawers on.

Who does that?

Kevin, don't you have some in your dresser?

No, you didn't do the wash yet.

Kevin Kingston-Persons, it is not my job in life to wash your dirty drawers.

In fact, you know what, you're 12, so today,

you're gonna learn to clean your own laundry.

Wha... I knew I should've turned them inside out.

What's up with your shirt?

What's up with your drawers?

- Hey, everyone. - Hi! Hi!

- Hi, Dad. - Hey.

What's up with the shirt?

You didn't remember we were going out?

And you were gonna wear that?

- I thought it was nice. - It is.

It's just a little... You know, young.

I am young.

Not young enough for that shirt.

When you bought it, was Chris Hansen waiting for you?

Dad, can we do it some other time?

Oh, canceling at the last minute!

She's pretty good at this.

Why?

When I was at the mall, I met Lil Crunk E.

He is incredible.

I was just eating at Applebee's,

and him and his boy approached me and invited me to his party tonight.

Ooh, taking the better offer.

Who is schooling you? You go, girl!

You go, girl. Don't you have someplace to be?

Oh, yeah, damn.

You know, it's just that I got... Mesmerized by that shirt.

Gotta go.

Bye, shirt.

So, Lindsey, where is this party that you wanna go to

at the last minute with two total strangers?

It's at 11-17.

It's at a convenience store?

It's a teen club.

It's just like a real club, but without the alcohol.

It's so much cooler than these stupid school dances.

Can I go, Mom, Dad? Please?

Well, it's fine with me, but your father's gonna go with you.

- Mom! - Or you can stay home.

Okay, I'll go.

But, Dad, can you change...No.

I'm not changing my shirt. I love my dragons.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Mom, I thought I was washing my clothes, not everyone else's.

These are your clothes.

- They are? - Yes,

which is why I don't understand how you've run out of clean underwear.

You have enough for two weeks.

You haven't washed clothes in two weeks?

Excuse you.

Sorry.

Oh, and check behind the hamper for your socks.

How'd you know there were socks behind the hamper?

Because there are always socks behind the hamper.

Somebody needs to work on his jump shot.

Kevin...What?

Are you color-blind?

Does that look like a bright color to you?

No.

Okay, so take it out.

Colors go with colors, darks go with darks,

whites go with whites.

Man, laundry is racist.

Laundry is not racist.

If you mix the white with colors,

the colors can bleed.

Sounds like Texas.

I didn't know all this went into washing.

It's a lot of work.

Yeah, I know you didn't know,

because you kids just sit around here doing nothing,

while you wait for me to do everything.

That's not true.

I do a lot of things while I'm waiting for you to do stuff.

Boy, grab these clothes and put them in the washer.

Okay, now do exactly what I say and nothing else.

Do exactly what you say and nothing else. Got it.

Pour the detergent into the washing machine.

Dumping the detergent.

Now, add the fabric softener. This makes the clothes smell good.

Define "good."

- Just pour. - Pouring.

All right, close the lid.

Bright colors need to be washed in warm water.

Warm. Check.

That was a medium-sized load,

so turn the water level to medium.

Medium. Check.

Now, grab the big knob and turn it to "colors" for 12 minutes.

"Colors" for 12 minutes. Check.

Pull it out.

Okay. That's it.

So, what do we do now?

"We" don't do anything. You're still doing laundry.

I'm going upstairs to watch my show. Call me when they're done.

Boy, go sit down!

Wow. I cannot believe we're here. This is so cool.

Are you sure this is a club for teenagers?

You can't tell me all these people in here are 17.

Well, they are. Otherwise, you can't get in.

Hey, nice shirt.

Hey, man, can I step out of line for a second?

I want to grab a sweater from my car.

Why is this line not moving?

Yo, man, what is the holdup?

Have to do a head count, man.

Then once E gets in, I'll think about letting you in.

This is ridiculous.

If we'd have gone to dinner, I'd be eating your dessert by now.

Oh, my God. E! E!

Yo, E, who you got with you, man?

You know, playing my usual crew.

- It's all gravy, baby. Go ahead. - E, remember me?

- Applebee's, right? - Right!

Come on. You with me.

Applebee's?

Yeah, she all right. She good.

Hey, hold on, old schooler. Where you going?

Whoa, whoa, no, no. Look, look. Yo, I'm with her.

We're together. That's my daughter.

That's all well and good,

but 11-17 has a strict "No adults" policy unless you register.

Did you register, sir?

Look, I don't know anything about that.

All I know is, that is my daughter

and I need to keep a eye on her. How do you...

You're a real father of the year.

Maybe you should spend less time shopping and more time being a parent.

That's a nice shirt, though.

Now, step off. Not in. Off.

Excuse me.

If it's not the man with the dragon tattoo.

Ain't your chest hot?

Look, man. If you are through making fun of my shirt,

for your information, I'm trying to be a good father.

Help me out here.

Bro, my hands are tied.

We have to protect the kids.

How do I know if you are who you say you are?

I am Nick Kingston-Persons.

My daughter is Lindsey Kingston-Persons.

I don't know that, man.

Hey, man, you got to step to the side.

We got people trying to have a good time.

Your negativity is just ruining the vibe.

Hey, Sebastian...Oh, what's up, Martin?

- Martin? - One love.

- No doubt. - Nick.

- What are you doing here? You going in? - No.

Those girls are a little too old for him.

Lindsey's in 11-17.

I would be in there with her,

but I didn't know about the registration policy.

- Where are you going? - To 22-60.

What's that?

Well, you know how at 11-17 you have to be in the 11th grade or under the age of 17?

- Is that what that means? - Yeah.

At 22-60, the girls are all older than 22 with IQs under 60.

What?

See? Isn't it adorable?

After you, ladies.

Oh, uh, tell Dateline I said "Hey."

- Is there a Nick Kingston-Persons out here? - Yo, hey, that's me.

Your daughter wanted me to come out here and get you. He's cool. He's with E.

- Management cleared it, so everything's straight. - All right.

Hmm. A little different now, ain't it?

Enter the dragon.

Ah, no offense, but we can't have that shirt in the VIP booth.

Hogwarts is over there.

- I appreciate that. - No problem.

Lindsey.

Dad, you got in.

What are you doing?

E asked me to get some drinks for the crew.

Drinks? Have you lost your mind?

Dad, calm down. It's just juice.

Well, don't call it "drinks."

Juice quenches your thirst. Drinks get you drunk.

Here.

Yo, yo, bounce. That's Applebee's right there.

Ha ha!

Hey, do you think me and my girl can get a picture?

You wanna take a photo with me?

No, not you, with E.

Aren't you his bodyguard?

Do I look like his bodyguard to you?

Duh. Yeah.

Hey, can you get me and my girl on the list for tomorrow's party?

- Did you email us? - Yeah.

- Did we email you back? - No.

Thanks for playing our game. Bye.

Hey, yo, hey. Pick 'em up.

- Yo! Good times! - Good times! Whoo!

Lindsey. Another drink run?

No, let me see what's up with this.

Y'all ain't fooling nobody.

Look, I was a teenager before. I know the game.

I'm hip to the whole thing.

Oh, that's good. What's in this?

Sparkling water and pineapple juice.

No, I detect a hint of pear juice.

Dad, I gotta drop these.

Okay, but when you finish, we gotta go.

Not yet. It's still early.

Yo, Fridays, we'll be right back.

It's Applebee's.

Right, right.

We out, E?

We out.

Before I forget, E wanted me to get your number.

- You can put it in my phone. - Okay.

Here you go.

Cool, cool.

All right, we'll be back. E, hold up!

We should go.

But, Dad, they said they'll be right back.

Lindsey, they left.

Can we go?

Yeah.

Kevin!

Yeah, Mom?

What did I ask you to do last night before you went to bed?

You said, "Take the clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer."

I did that.

You didn't turn it on.

You said do exactly what you say,

and you didn't tell me to turn it on.

How come you just don't turn it on right now?

Because they've been sitting in there all night,

and they're starting to smell like mold.

If you dry them like that, you will cook the bad smell in.

So, what do I have to do?

You have to wash them again.

Wash 'em again.

After the clothes are done washing...

After they're done...

...You're gonna put them into the dryer.

Put 'em in the dryer.

Then you're gonna turn the knob...

Turn the knob...to 45 minutes.

- Forty-five minutes. - Turn the dryer on.

Turn it on.

Then when the clothes are finished...Then when they're finished...

...You're gonna take them out of the dryer...Take 'em out the dryer.

...Fold them...Fold them.

- ...And put 'em in the basket. - And put 'em in the basket.

Okay? "Okay?" Okay.

Right. So...

Wait, what now?

Hey, party animal.

- How was the club? - It was amazing.

I had the best time.

Really? So, what happened?

We sat inside the VIP section.

We were ballin'!

"Ballin'."

I don't know how she was so impressed with that boy.

He didn't even know her name.

The whole night, he kept calling her Applebee's.

Applebee's?

Yes, remember, they met at Applebee's?

At least they didn't meet at Athlete's Foot.

It was only one night, and it's over.

And she had a good time.

And you and I, we don't have to deal

with Lil Crunk E again anytime soon.

Oh, my God! I just got a text message

from E to come to his birthday party tonight.

I'm on the VIP list.

I get the pass code. Can I go?

- Yes. - Yay!

We're gonna be ballin'!

I know. I can't wait, either.

Um, I'll call you back.

I know you told your mom you had a good time

at that party last night, but I didn't.

That guy was a jerk.

I thought he was disrespecting you.

And I don't think you should go to his birthday party.

Dad, you weren't supposed to have a good time, because it's for teenagers.

And he wasn't disrespecting me. We were kickin' it.

Kickin' it? He left with two other girls and didn't come back.

He got my number before he left.

No, he didn't. His boy did.

Same thing.

Why would you hang out with a boy who treats girls like this?

Dad, look.

I know you think guys should call,

and open doors and stuff, but it's not the '90s anymore.

He invited me to his birthday party, and I really wanna go.

I mean, you act like I'm in love with the guy or something.

I'm just trying to have a good time. It's okay.

- Are you sure? - I'm sure I'm sure.

All right. Fine. We'll go.

Can I pick your shirt?

Can I pick your clothes?

Okay.

- Hey. - Hey.

I had a talk with Lindsey.

You know, I know you don't always feel like it,

and I don't always tell you,

but you are a wonderful father.

Thank you.

How wonderful?

Boy, you better get dressed.

Another night with E.

Oh, man.

Hey, uh, have you seen my dragon pants?

Is that a basket of folded, clean clothes fresh out of the dryer?

Yep. I did it just like you told me.

Hmm. Mmm. They smell good.

Kevin! What happened?

These clothes are covered in bleach spots!

Oh! Yep, I was wondering what that was.

These clothes are completely ruined!

Did you put bleach in the wash?

No, I did everything that you told me to.

You never wanted to learn how to do this in the first place.

You know what, you should've just said, "Mom,

"I'm never gonna do my wash.

"No matter how hard you try, and try, and try, it's never gonna happen.

"So, either you have to wash my clothes,

"or just let them stay dirty forever. " You could've just said that.

I could've just said it? Why didn't you tell me that before?

I would've said it a long time ago.

I know what you want me to do.

You want me to buy you new clothes.

Well, you know what? It ain't gonna happen.

You will wear these clothes for the rest of your life. Bleach spots and all!

I don't care!

You wear these clothes until you burst out of them like the Incredible Hulk.

You will wear them walking around the airport looking like Nick Nolte.

You could be a movie star and wear these clothes

walking down the red carpet like Gary Busey. I don't care!

Who's Gary Busey?

I thought you were on the VIP list.

I am.

Come on.

Excuse me.

Old school! It's you again, man.

I almost didn't recognize you with a regular shirt on.

You work at this club, too?

Nah, man, I just come down here for some practice.

Plus, I wanted to see if the other shirt was an accident.

Look, man, my daughter is on the VIP list for E's birthday party.

Do we have to wait in this line?

Do you have the secret VIP code?

Yep. "Poppin' bottles."

Well, why didn't you say that, man? Poppin' bottles.

Yeah.

- There's the "Poppin' bottles" line right there. - Oh.

That line's longer than this line.

Yeah, I know. That's the VIP line.

What's this line?

The short line.

Sebastian.

- Hey, Gigi. - Hi! Mwah.

- Looking good. - I know.

- Nick. - Gigi.

What are you guys doing here?

Lindsey's on the VIP list for E's birthday party.

VIP. You go, girl.

What are you doing here?

Oh, there's a video release party next door.

- For who? - I don't know.

I don't care. There's an open bar and a gift bag.

Now, you give me free drinks and some presents,

I'll go to a seal clubbing.

I'm serious.

- Bye, Sebastian. - Hey, bye, baby.

I can't believe this.

E!

Hey, Sizzler!

It's Applebee's.

Right, right. We'll see you inside.

What's up, E?

Hey, hey, hey. Yo, little man.

Why you grabbin', Green Mile?

Look, look. You remember my daughter from last night?

E invited her to this party.

E texted me.

He said he put me on the VIP list for his birthday party,

and the doorman wants us to go to the back of the line.

Oh, no, no. That wasn't E, that was me.

That's what I do. I send, like, a couple blasts a day.

I mean, I probably sent that same text to, like, a thousand people.

But I bought him a birthday card.

Can you at least give it to him?

Oh, my. It's not even his real birthday.

That's... We do this every other night.

I don't even know when his real birthday is.

Listen, y'all seem like cool people,

so I gotta be real with you.

I dig you coming down here, keeping an eye on your daughter.

I mean, you handling yours. I'm a father, too.

Listen. Really, though.

You don't want her off in there.

I mean, she's not like these girls right here.

You know, a lot of these girls are here

'cause they don't have daddies, 'cause if they did, they wouldn't be here.

You know?

You all go ahead.

Okay, Lindsey.

Um, if you wanna wait in line, we can wait in line.

If you wanna go, we can go.

I wanna go.

Hey, old school.

Here you go, man. Tiger shirt Tuesdays.

No lyin', man. Come on back, on me.

- Hey, Mom. - Hi.

- I finished my whites. - Thank you.

Kevin, you don't have to keep wearing those clothes.

I realized that I was the one who put the bleach in the washing machine

before you put the smelly clothes in.

I'll buy you some new stuff.

No, it's okay.

I like these clothes. They're cool.

But could you teach me how to iron?

So you can burn my house down?

I don't think so.

Have the fire department over here bursting in the door,

making all kind of noise and mess,

and then have the neighbors come out asking, "What's going on?"

"Oh, Kevin Kingston-Persons, he burned down the house."

"Well, how did that happen?"

"His mama let him iron unsupervised."

"Well, what kind of mother is she?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should call Child Protective Services

"and see what's going on over there.

"Maybe there's some kind of abuse."

Start checking my babies for marks,

that just ain't gonna happen.

Lindsey, when you try to be down with people who don't care about you,

you're setting yourself up.

You teach people how to treat you.

And when you let that boy call you out your name,

he knew he didn't have to respect you.

I hope you see that.

I do.

Ruby Tuesday! You wanna hang?

No. And my name is Lindsey.

Right. Right.

Lindsey.

That's a very nice name. I like that.