All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S02E08.The.Suzanne.Theft.Auto.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

The pole was 50 feet away.

And by 50 you mean two, right?

Mom, I wasn't gonna hit it.

Then, it was gonna hit you.

Lindsey, just because the car
has a high safety ranking

doesn't mean you should drive crazy

to see if they're telling the truth.

You gonna tell me how
to close the door, too?

No. Since you already used
the parking assist

to back up safely into the driveway

and managed not to hit the house,

I think you can close
the door on your own.

How was that?

Fine.

It's okay, baby.

I won't let her hurt you.

I know you're safe for the environment,

and I'm going to make sure

that the environment is safe for you.

What are you looking at?

Mind your business!

Nosy.

Hey. How'd the driving lesson go?

What did Lindsey say?

- Nothing.
- Mmm-hmm.

Did she tell you she almost hit a pole,

came this close to running a red light,

made a left-hand turn from the right lane

and cut off a cop?

If it weren't for the star safety system,

we would have rear-ended somebody
at Chicken on a Stick.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

Huh. Not good, huh?

Nick, old white women
were giving her the finger.

Oh, are you okay?

I'm fine.

It was just a bit much, you know,

and I spent most of the day trying to plan

that rich girl's sweet 16 party.

Oh, at that solar-powered
house at the waterfront.

Yeah, because she wants a green party.

Oh, it's green, all right.

Oh, and get this.

Her parents are now buying
her a brand-new Prius,

custom green, and they want
me to get Katy Perry

to sing Happy Birthday.

The whole party is so they
can impress other parents.

"For Ashley's birthday,
we rented Katy Perry."

You know what I got for my 16th birthday?

A pleather eight-ball jacket

and a clean version
of Straight Outta Compton.

Hmm. Man.

Sounds like you got a lot
on your plate, babe.

Aw.

You got one girl driving you crazy,

another girl driving crazy.

If you hadn't lost your mind already,

we'd really be in trouble.

Well, you know what,
since you're so concerned

with my health and well-being,

you teach Lindsey to drive.

I ain't scared of that girl.

Hmm. You may not have
any hair on your head,

but I'll bet she can turn
your eyebrows gray.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Okay, Lindsey.

Do you have your checklist memorized?

Yes, Dad.

All right, well, let's
hear it. What is it?

When I am driving, there is no eating,

no drinking, no makeup, no texting...

Especially no texting.

As a matter of fact,
every time you get in the car,

where should your phone be?

In the glove compartment.

That's right.
And when you take a call?

Use my Bluetooth.

- Make a call?
- Pull over...

No. Turn on your blinker,
look in your mirrors

and safely pull over.

Right. Do all that, then pull over

and turn the car off.

All right.

It seems like you've been listening.

Check, check.
Check, check, check.

And check. Good job.

I'm checking my mirrors to be sure

it is safe to proceed.

Why are you checking mirrors?

The street is right in front of you.

Oh.

No radio, no singing,
no humming, no head bobbing,

no finger snapping, no finger tapping,

no head nodding, no lip-synching.

Shouldn't you be writing this down?

Mom!

Oh, absolutely, Ashley.

Okay... Oh.

OMG, Ashley.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, bye-bye.

Now, after they cut the birthday cake,

they want fireworks.

If they wanted real fireworks,

they could just cancel the party

and watch the girl explode.

Hi, Ashley.

Oh, a white tiger,
and you want to ride it?

Okay.

- Kevin.
- Yeah?

Where are you going with that
giant bottle of soda?

It's for my science project.
I'm building a rocket.

All I need is this and a pack of Mentos.

Kevin, building a rocket
is too easy and unoriginal.

Now, I'm not gonna have you get shown up

by those other kids in your class

like you did last year.

So, this year, you're going to build

something original
that no one else will have:

a solar-powered house.

What? Mom!

What's so original about
a solar-powered house?

Everybody's got a house.

Who do you know who has a rocket?

Well, I can tell you
who's not going to have one.

Kevin, last year, you got a
"D" on your science project.

Now, it wasn't your fault,

because all the other kids
had help with their projects.

So, this year, I'm helping you,
and we, meaning you,

are building a solar-powered house.

Can it be the house of
a guy who has a rocket?

- Sure.
- Yes!

Yeah!

- Ah.
- Ah.

Wow. Lindsey.

- Nice work.
- Check.

Sounds like the driving
lesson was a success.

Dad is awesome.

Check.

All it took was just
a little bit of patience.

Mmm-hmm.

Nick, I can't stand you.

You mean to tell me you spent
three hours in the car

with that girl and didn't have a problem?

- Nope.
- Nothing?

- Nada.
- Serious?

All right, we may have went the wrong way

down a one-way street,
but other than that...

What's this?

Kevin's science project.
I'm helping him.

We're building a solar-powered house.

I thought he wanted to build a rocket.

I do!

Be quiet!

Hey.

Hey. How's it going with Ashley?

Don't ask.

What's all this?

Kevin's science project.

We're building a solar-powered house.

Stupid question...

Won't be the first.

...But I always wondered.

What happens at night?

Huh?

Okay,
Miss Energy Efficient.

You didn't think about that, did you?

Now, y'all figure that out,
you come and then you talk to me

about a solar house.

But until then, I'm sticking
with the wall plugs.

- Ashley?
- Mmm-hmm.

Now, she wants a red carpet
for her VIP arrivals.

Somebody should tell her she's 16.

Nobody important is at her party.

I'm hungry.

Gigi want a cracker?

Why does she keep calling?

She's in the car.

Gigi!

Gotta go.

- Kevin.
- Yeah?

Why are you using my good glue?

I'm building a launch tower for my rocket.

I said he had a rocket.

I didn't say he had it in his backyard.

What?
So, no launch tower?

Your launch has been postponed.

Go upstairs.

Hey, sleepy.

Hi.

Where were you?

A little coffee run.

Plus I gassed up your car
and got it washed.

You were still knocked out when I left.

What were you doing up so late last night?

Working on Kevin's project.

I didn't come to bed till almost 2:00.

I had no idea how much work goes into

building a solar-powered house.

You're not supposed to.

Maybe you should let Kevin
work on his own project.

Well, none of those other kids
are working on their projects,

and I'm not gonna let him walk
in with some funky old rocket

when all these other kids are showing up

with nuclear reactors
made out of popsicle sticks

and nuclear reactor parts.

Somebody had that?

No, I'm just saying.

Baby, isn't the point of the project

to let the kid work and learn something?

Who are you,
Bill Nye The Science Guy?

No. The point of the project
is to get an "A."

And when those other parents let
their kids learn something,

then I'll let my kid learn something.

But in the meantime,

we all just gonna have
to be stupid together.

What?

Nothing.

Mom. Hey, Mommy.

Kids are stupid.

Can you move the car?

What are you doing?
Don't wake her up.

- What?
- Come on.

I want to skateboard,
but mom's car's in the driveway.

- Fine, I'll move it.
- You can't drive.

Do you want to skateboard or not?

Skateboard.

- Come on.
- Uh-uh.

I'll come out once you're out of that car.

- You need my helmet?
- Nope.

Nick!

Gigi, are you sure you don't
know what happened?

Suzanne, I drove around the block

while you picked up the box.

If something happened,
I'd have noticed!

Well, somebody around here
better know something,

because I'm about ready to explode!

What's up?

Why is there a dent in my car?

Well, I don't know how it happened.

But I know one thing.
I didn't do it.

Well, you're the only
other one who drove it.

That doesn't mean
I dented it.

Yeah, it kind of does.

The only people who drove the car

besides me and Gigi was you and Lindsey.

She didn't do it when she was with me,

and she didn't do it
when she was with you.

- Did she?
- No.

Well, all right, then.

- All right, then, what?
- Who did it?

Maybe you dented it,
and you didn't realize it.

Nick, I think I would know
if I dented my car.

What about the time
you d...Aren't you hungry?

Uh, yes.

Yes, I am hungry.

Okay, let's go through it again.

So, you went to get coffee this morning...

Right.

And you went to the car wash.

Right.

Wait! That's it!

You dented it at the car wash?

No.

The reason I went to the car wash

is because I got a free coupon

when I valeted
at the restaurant last night.

Great. So...
Now, what?

I'm going down there.

They're gonna pay for that dent.

Oh. Yeah. That'll happen.

Right after Jessica Alba starts
responding to my emails.

You know that little ticket
they give you at the valet?

Yeah. So?

Well, it indemnifies them against
anything and everything

that happens to the car
while in their possession,

including, but not limited to,

them stealing all your possessions
and lighting the car on fire.

Technically speaking,
they don't even need to park it.

They can just leave your car
in the middle of the street.

Well, how do you know all that?

Because one time they left my car
in the middle of the street.

Well, all I know is,

somebody's about to pay for something.

Said the waitress to
a certain professional golfer.

Give it a minute.
It'll come to you.

Kevin, be very, very careful with this.

Mom, if you keep telling me to be careful,

I'm gonna get nervous and drop it.

Okay, get nervous and drop it.

- Mom!
- All right, all right.

Good luck.

I love you.

- Bye, Mommy.
- Bye.

Oh, and don't forget
to tell them to look inside

so they can see the photoshopped family

and the miniature couch
and the solar-powered pet.

Eek! So cute.

We didn't dent your precious Prius.

Look, maybe you did it
and you didn't realize it.

- That's all.
- We didn't.

And even if we did,

it's not our responsibility.

It says in our policy

that we're not responsible for anything.

If I leave your car
in the middle of the street,

guess what? It's not our fault.
It's a contract.

No, no, no.
That is not a contract.

That is a claim ticket, man.

- What are you talking about?
- It's a contract.

Prince, the musician, he never parks here

because he hates contract.

You want to be like him?
It's all good.

Okay, but listen to me.

It's by accepting this
and leaving your car with us,

you have accepted this is a contract.

You're lucky to even have your car back.

Look, nobody reads these things, man.

Whose fault is that?

I'm sorry.

Next time you come,
we'll park your car for free.

Only if I remember this conversation.

And you wear the same outfit.

You look the same,
I look the same.

We can shake to it right now.

Dog, dog, you did not spit in your hand

and put that near me.

Put your hand back in there.

Look, I don't know how they do things

in Madagascar, where you from,

but I'm gonna tell you here right now.

I'm gonna tell you how this runs, brother.

Talking about some free
parking? Free parking?

Do you know how much my car cost?

This is how this is about to run.

- You are gonna pay to get my car fixed.
- Or what?

You know what's gonna happen if you don't?

I will never come
to this restaurant again.

You're never gonna come here?

You know you are cheating yourself.

The food is fantastic.
It's the best you ever had.

I'm not missing the food.

I don't care about the food anymore.

I liked it. I admit.

- I loved the food in the past.
- Okay.

But, you know what, this is over, man.

This ruined the whole
food experience for me.

- You wrecked my car.
- I will never see you again.

You'll never see me.

I'll never see that sweater
again. You promise me?

You know what, can I talk
to your supervisor, please?

- I am the supervisor.
- Oh, no.

The bow tie does not
make you a supervisor.

- This is my supervisor bow tie.
- No, it's not.

Can I talk to the person
who is responsible for this?

I am responsible for everything

in that we are not
responsible for anything.

You know what, I am never
gonna valet here again.

- Never?
- I'm gonna tell everybody, too.

I'm gonna tell that this is
not the place to go

to get your car valeted.

You don't know anybody.

You have two friends on Facebook,

your cousin and Tom.

You are walking away!

It's a lose-lose situation.

If we pay out-of-pocket to fix the car,

it's gonna cost $500.

Five hundred dollars?

Did you call the insurance company?

Good question. Yes.

And if we filed a claim,

guess how much the deductible is?

- Five hundred dollars.
- Five hundred dollars.

And our rate could go up.

So, we get punished because
someone dented the car.

That's just a shame.

Uh, anybody want some water?

I'm gonna go get some water
because I'm thirsty.

Well, Mom, do you know
who dented your car?

The valet at that restaurant.

Are you sure?

Those valet guys are
usually pretty good drivers.

Well, this one wasn't.

All I know is, if I worked
at that valet stand

and I knew the guy who dented Mom's car,

they'd have to pay me a lot of money

for me not to say anything.

What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?

I don't know.

It seems like you got yourself
in a real situation.

Kevin, come on.
This isn't funny.

Oh, trust me. I know.

It's not funny for you,
but it's hilarious over here.

There's no way I can let Mom
and Dad find out about this.

Oh, yeah. I totally agree.
It would be disastrous.

- Kevin.
- Yes?

Please don't tell Mom and Dad about this.

What makes you think
I'd do such a thing?

Kevin, come on, dude.
Please.

Trust me, Lindsey.
I don't want to.

But Mom, she loves her car,

and it'd just be awful for
me not to say anything.

All right. Fine.
What's it gonna cost me?

I don't know. I was thinking,
like, three figures.

A hundred dollars?
I'll give you $20.

Fifty.

Thirty-five, and I'll keep
my mouth shut the next time

you do something you don't
want them to know about.

Like what?

Like extorting your sister for money.

Okay, deal.

Uh, do you mind picking up around here?

I'm thinking about having Troy over later.

Oh, yeah, you can take that.

Just nasty.

What'd you get?

- What'd you get?
- I got a "C"!

You got a "C"?

How did you get a "C"?

Well, my teacher took her pen
and made a little half circle

and told me that my solar-powered house

was unoriginal and uninspired.

I don't believe that.

Yeah, and she also told me

that if I didn't have the launchpad,

I would have gotten a "D".

Yeah, and she also told me that that was

the only interesting thing
about the project.

And if I had the rocket with it,
I would have gotten an "A".

I mean, I'm just sayin'.
You know, I'm just...

I'm just sayin',
I may be wrong,

but you're still 12, and by
the time the cops get here,

it'll be too late.

- I love you, Mommy.
- Mmm-hmm.

Dad, what are you doing?

I'm going to picket the valet at Jimmy's.

Either he's getting fired,
or I'm getting arrested,

but somebody's getting something.

Dad, wait. You can't go.

I'm the one who dented Mom's car.

What?

It happened the other day
while you were asleep.

Kevin was going to wake you up

because he wanted to go outside
and go skateboarding,

but your car was parked
inside the driveway.

So, I just thought
I'd move it for you,

and I backed into a fire hydrant.

Girl, I should whup...No, let me.

- I got this.
- No, no, no.

Baby, run! Run!
Go, Lindsey!

Yeah, you know, you better move.

And try not to hit anything!

"Don't back into a fire hydrant"

wasn't on your checklist?

Oh, don't put this on me, Suzanne.

Look, if you wasn't so busy working

on Kevin's science project,
you wouldn't have fell asleep,

and she wouldn't have had to move the car.

Oh, so now this is my fault?

It's not about whose fault it is.

But if it was...

It'd be yours.

Look, you ain't no different than the girl

with the parents and the party.

- Yes, I am.
- How?

I ain't got to explain myself to you.

Oh, that's real mature.

You can't hide from the truth, Suzanne.

Give me two minutes, please.

Hey, man.

Remember me?

No.

- The Prius.
- No.

- The blue sweater.
- No.

- We got in an argument.
- No.

I walked away.

You... let me see.
Turn around.

Oh, the meats in the back
of your neck. I remember.

- I remember you.
- Okay.

- Blue sweater.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Prius.
- Yes.

- Dent.
- Okay.

- Argument.
- Yeah.

Um, look, look.

I... I came down here to apologize
for how things went.

All right? Um...

It turns out you didn't dent my car.

Of course I didn't.

And if I did,
I'm not responsible.

- Who dented the car?
- My daughter.

Hey! What did she hit?

- Fire hydrant.
- Hey!

Let me get this straight.

So, you come here and accuse me,

and all this time, the criminal
is in your own house.

I should sue you
for defamation of character.

Listen, I'm sorry you feel that way, man.

That's why I'm...
That's why I'm here.

I don't want to hear it. You're like Sarah
Palin, and I'm like Barack Obama.

And your daughter, she's George Bush.

Everything's her fault,
but who they blame?

Me, the black man.

Why are you talking about my daughter?

She don't got nothing to do
with this right here.

You mean a criminal that can't drive?

I have 13 daughters, and all can drive.

What's wrong with yours?

Listen, man. Look, she took responsibility
for her actions.

Why don't you take
responsibility for yours?

I don't have to.
It's in the ticket.

I'm not responsible for anything.
I'll read this to you.

"Pursuant to law, operator's liabilities

"for laws on damages to vehicles by fire..."

Yeah, okay.

"...Theft, explosion. "Okay.

- Boom!
- Yeah.

"Key rust. "Okay, look, look.

I know, all right?
I know.

How can you open a business and
then write on a piece of paper

that you have no idea what you're doing

and then do it anyway?

- Yes.
- Listen.

You can't get a job driving a bus

and then hand everybody a ticket saying

if you crash into a wall
and kill everybody on board,

- then it's not your fault.
- What's wrong with that?

You can't open a restaurant and
then hand everybody a ticket

and say you don't know how to cook

and you give everybody food poisoning

and you say it's not your responsibility.

Why not?

You cannot go into a hospital
and then cut somebody open,

pull out their heart, and kill them

and then hand them a ticket saying

you don't have any responsibility.

Obviously, you've never been to Africa.