All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S02E03.The.Oh.No.She.Di-int.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

- Good morning, baby.
- Good morning.

You like
Jamaican food, right?

I love my food like I like my women,

hot, spicy, and exotic.
Watch out...

Wacha!

Uh, "woman, "What?

I'm assuming you meant to say
"woman," as in singular.

As in, you like me because I'm hot,
spicy, and exotic.

To me, you're a trip to the Caribbean.

- Nice save.
- Mm-hmm.

What you making?
I'm thinking jerk chicken.

Ooh, ja-makin' me hungry, girl!

Ooh!
That was bad.

Yeah, I don't have the hair for it.

There's no bald Jamaicans.

Oh, by the way, my new field
producer, Sam, is coming by.

We're gonna cut a package.

Okay, well, maybe I'll try out
my plantain recipe on you guys.

No, no, you save that for me.

I don't know this dude.
I don't want him eating your food.

Look, I got to find out if we get along...

before we start granting him
privileges, you know!

- Quit.
- Come again!

- Stop.
- Watch me now.

That's enough, Shaggy.

No, no, no, no, no.

I had a good time last night.

No, really, I did.
I cannot wait to do it again.

Okay. All right, I'll talk
to you later. Bye-bye.

Who are you lying to?

Who says I'm lying?

Oh, no, I've spoken to you when you've
had a good time with someone,

and that is not how you sound. You squeal.

I do not squeal.

Okay, yes, you do. Remember
the guy... What was his...

The Argentinean guy, what was his name?

- Esteban!
- I rest my case.

So, what happened?

Well, his name is Fender...
Is his last name Bender?

No, his last name is not Bender.
And he has kids.

Who has kids?

- Fender.
- Bender.

- Okay, where's the mother?
- Well, they're divorced.

- She left her kids with Fender?
- Bender.

No, they're his kids, he adopted.

And it turns out

she was, in his words,
"an unrepentant party girl."

So, no problem-o there.

Okay, so back to Fender...KEVIN: Bender.

I thought rule number one on Gigi's
do-not-date list was, "No kids."

No, that's rule number two.

What's rule number one?

"You can't be broke," which he's not.

So much so, I'm breaking rule number two.

You know, if you don't get along with
the kids, that is a deal breaker.

Trust me, I know.

- I'm out of here, baby. I love you.
- Bye.

- Come on, Kev. Get your stuff.
- Okay.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Gigi.

- Bye.
- Bye.

All right, Zee, I'm having
a problem with this man.

Oh, you having a problem with a man?

- Shocking!
- Whatever.

Okay, well, this week,

I'm going out with his kids
to see if we get along.

- Then we move on to Phase Two.
- Which is?

A weekend in his villa in Aspen!

Mmm.

I don't know what you're worried about.

You know how to talk to kids.
You talk to mine all the time.

Well, the last time we went out to dinner,

and the kids completely ignored me.

The girl was so busy texting all the time,

and the boy was glued to
some stupid video game.

Ah, sounds like a couple
of the kids I know.

That's it!

- What?
- I need to borrow your kids.

Let me pack a bag, and you can keep 'em.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

- What you doing?
- Tweeting.

Oh, tweeting! Alicia tweets
all the time. I wanna tweet.

- Who's Alicia?
- The daughter of the guy I'm dating.

I really need to get to know her.
There's a villa at stake.

Do you have a Twitter account?

Yeah, I have a bunch of them,
but I never use them.

What? Why?

Because they said on Twitter,

"In order to create a message,
you need 140 characters."

Now, I came up with a lot,

vampire, French businessman, a dragon...

But that's a lot of characters.

I think I can help you.

Are you gonna be here when
I get home from school?

I can if you want me to.

Okay.

Good.

- Hello.
- Hi, I'm Sam, Sam Garnet. I work with Nick.

- Oh. Hi, Sam. Come on in.
- Oh, thank you.

Uh...

I'm Suzanne.
I'm, I'm Nick's wife.

Oh. Nice to meet you, Susan.

Actually, it's Suzanne with a "Z."

Got it. "Z."

- Wow.
- Hey.

- Sam?
- Yeah, all day.

Hi, I'm Nick.
Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.
- Oh, wow. Okay.

So, is Sam short for something?

I could tell you, but I
might have to kill you.

Oh, now, please don't kill him,

because then
I have to kill you,

and, you know, we've got kids.

Can't really afford to go into hiding.

They have to go to school,
and I have to go to work.

Deal. No killing.

- Well, you ready?
- Yeah, I got everything set up.

- It's right this way.
- Great.

Nice to meet you, Susan.

Oh, it's Suzanne, with a "Z."

Got it. "Z." Sorry.

Thank you, darling.

- All right, honey. I'll see you later, okay?
- Okay.

- Love you, baby.
- Love you, too.

Y'all are so cute!

- Hi.
- Hello.

Who is that?

That is Nick's field producer, Sam.

Mm-hmm.

Well, it look like Sam is about to
get looked up on the Internet.

And, "Send."

Now, see, that makes all the
difference in the world.

Why didn't they just say "140 letters?"

You just made your first official tweet.

I'm tweeting.
Now what?

You tweet her, she tweets you,

you tweet her, she tweets you, you...

Nuh-uh. How long does this go on?

Hours, days...Okay, that's too long.

- Um... I got an idea.
- Mm-hmm.

Lindsey, you already know
how to do all this stuff.

Why don't you just pretend to be me?

You know, all you got to do is
make Alicia think I'm great,

and if any rich man
tweets me, let me know.

And you think that's right?

No, but 50 bucks thinks it's a great idea.

Consider me you.

Where's the $50?

Oh, you know, I'm gonna
get you later. All right?

- Okay, tweet, tweet!
- Okay.

The middle of Puget Sound

is not where you would expect to
find an 85-year-old man swimming,

but this man is different.

He's training for a swim
across the English Channel.

Oh, wow, okay, that was really great.

I think we could put this piece to bed.

Oh, oh, no, no, no, no.
No, Sam.

Look, we are not turning that in.

You are not getting me fired.
I see you, girl.

Don't worry! We're good.
You hit the number.

All I have to do is lay the track in.

Oh.

I'm sorry. Excuse me. I didn't realize
you guys were still working.

Yeah, we took longer than expected.

- We're done.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, well, I'm on my way to the store
to pick up my ingredients.

Beautiful, and she can cook?

With and without the skillet.

See, I just don't have the patience.

Hey, restaurants were made for a reason.

For real.

Well, I'm headed back to the studio, okay?

So I'll see you later.

- Hey, Sam, thank you for everything.
- No, thank you, okay?

- And don't worry, all right?
- All right. Okay.

You'll do good.

Okay.

Um, it was nice to meet you,
Suzanne, with a "Z."

- Okay, guys. Bye.
- Take care.

- What was that all about?
- What?

She ate one of your French fries.

Don't you think that's
a little too familiar?

- Too familiar?
- Yes, with you.

And she did it right in front of me.

Wait, she ate a French fry.
It's not like she tongue-kissed me.

Oh, but she wanted to.

Look, Suzanne,

A, that's ridiculous.

B, I love you.

C, I get it.

She will never eat my food again.

Okay.

But if I see her do it again,
somebody's gonna end up on the news.

You know how I do... What? Oh, wait,
wait. What? What? Over...

Gigi.

Okay, back, back, back,
back, back, back, back!

- Gigi!
- What?

Sorry, I just got wrapped up in this game.

Okay, this is Fender's
kid's favorite game.

Kevin showed me a website where
I could learn how to play,

and I'm playing, and I almost
destroyed the castle.

Do you mind if we talk about
real life for a second?

Okay, what's wrong?

You remember Sam, right?

Samuela Patricia Garnet, born 11/15/75.

- A Scorpio?
- Scorpio.

Ooh, I should have known.

Samuela graduated with a B.A.
in Communications from Trenton State.

She's been married once
to a Lawrence Garnet.

They're divorced, she has no kids,

and the rest is in a file on your
desktop labeled, "Skank."

- Skank?
- Skank.

- I like that.
- What'd she do?

She and Nick were
eating lunch yesterday...Mm-hmm.

...And she reached over...Reached over?

...And grabbed one of his fries.

- Grabbed one of his fries?
- Yes.

- Right in front of your face?
- Didn't think about trying to hide it.

If you need it, and I'm not
saying I know how to get it,

but if you did, and you asked me,

I might be in touch with some people

who know how to make things
look like an accident.

You are?

I'm not saying I am, but I might be.

Okay, well,

I don't think there's any need to
start planning accidents just yet.

- She grabbed the fry!
- Grabbed the fry.

- Right in front of your face.
- In my face.

- Okay, that's too familiar.
- That's what I said.

What'd Nick say?

"Too familiar?
You're being ridiculous."

Hmm.

You eat a man's fry,

that's a metaphor.

You do it in front of his wife,

that's war, and you
need to shut that down.

Well, Nick said he understood

and he promised me
that it wouldn't happen again.

Well, if you need to stage
a mishap, you let me know.

Can I pillage this village?

You got five minutes.

You okay?

You sure?

All right.

Oh, sooki, sooki!
Move it. Move it.

Gigi! You ready to play?

Yes, Sensei.

You really didn't have to
get dressed up for the game.

- Too much?
- A little.

- Okay.
- Here's your sword.

Now, all you have to do is pick your avatar,
and we can get started.

What, now?

Pick the person you want to play for you.

I know. I know how to play. I'm cool!

Okay, come on.
Let's see.

She looks good and quick on her feet,
and I love her outfit.

Okay, then, pick her.

Oh, no, no, no, because, see,
I like his shield.

- His shield.
- Yeah, and then...

Uh... No, see...

Those shoes aren't good.

No.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna
pick Samurai Sally.

- Samurai Sally. She's cute.
- Okay.

- Hey, Gigi.
- Hey.

Alicia's really pumping you up.

She likes you,
I can tell.

Let me see.

Great!
Thank you, Lindsey.

Now, who are these little
boys following me?

I don't know, but they think you're cool.

Well, they have good taste.

Hold on, hold on. I'm gonna make
her waist a little bit smaller.

Perfect.
That was fun!

Okay, let's play that again.

Gigi, that wasn't the game.

- No?
- No. This is the game.

Fight!

Okay, fight.

Hey, the piece came out really good.

Cool.

You know, you're pretty new to this.

I mean, are you liking it so far?

It's a great opportunity, you know?

I mean, ain't nothing wrong with that.

I know. You never want to
pass up a great opportunity.

Sam, you know, I don't want
to make things seem awkward,

but I would prefer it
if you didn't do that.

Look, I just don't really like
people eating off my plate.

I'm sorry. My bad. You know,
I ain't mean nothing by it.

You know, I just got
a thing for French fries.

You know, especially the hot, brown ones.

Can we get some more fries over
here, please? Waitress?

Hey, honey.

Where were you?

Me and Sam had to finish up a project.

I'm sorry I'm late.

What's that?

This was your dinner.

Oh, baby, I did not know you
were cooking your meal today.

Perhaps if you would have called,
you would have been informed.

You're right. You're right.
I should have called.

But our assignment went into overtime.
I just grabbed a quick bite.

Wow! Unbelievable!

Did you enjoy your time
with your little girlfriend?

Suzanne.
I work with her.

Look, I should have called,
but I didn't think it was a big deal.

Before, she was eating off your plate.

Now, she's got you eating out
of the palm of her hands.

Nice.
Enjoy your chicken, jerk.

Good morning, baby.

Good morning.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Nick, I want you to know,
I do trust you.

I shouldn't let this woman get to me.

Baby, I would never do anything to
hurt what we have. You know that.

I know.

But just be careful.

I mean, you may be innocent,
but she isn't. Trust me.

- What's that?
- Your breakfast.

Jerk chicken for breakfast?

Oh, if you want,
I could make French fries.

I'll take the chicken.

This looks good.

Mm, that is good. Man!

I put my foot in it, right?

Mmm, Sugar, you can share
me plantains with me anytime.

That's even worse than the first time.

- Hey guys!
- Hi!

Hey, Gigi.

Mochaccino with the boss.
Time for work. Let's go.

No, Lindsey.
Stop being me.

But you already have
two,700 followers, Gigi.

It doesn't matter.
Fender dumped me.

- What?
- Yeah.

He said
I was too immature.

No, his exact words were,

"Any grown woman who spends that much
time tweeting and playing video games

"is too juvenile for me."

Go figure.

Does this mean I have
to take my kids back?

Sort of.

Because he said he couldn't
see me as a partner,

but he would like me to babysit
when he goes out on dates.

He has some nerve.

No, I might do it.
I mean, he is paying well.

- I'll get it.
- Thank you.

- This is good.
- Mm-hmm.

- I'm good. You want some?
- Yeah.

Wow.

Hello?

- @Ladygisquared?
- Yes?

You are even prettier in person.

That's true.
But who are you?

I'm Gibson. I've been following
you on Twitter.

I think you're just amazing.

- How did you find me?
- GPS tweets.

I'm sorry
Fender dumped you.

- How did you hear about Fender?
- It's trending.

Boy, get out of here
before I call the police.

I'm trending.

I'm gonna take a few frames off this.

Let me try a little more.

Okay. That's coming around good.

I think we got it.

That's it.

All right,
Nick Kingston-Persons.

- Job well done.
- Thanks, thanks.

What do you want to do?
You want to grab a bite?

Uh, no, not now.

Suzanne will be home in a couple of hours.
I think we're gonna go out.

Well, what do you know?

Suzanne with a "Z" is on my turf now.

Well, I guess so.

But there are plenty
of restaurants to go round.

We'll try not to crowd you.

Nick, before I go,

can I ask you something?

Um, what's that?

Do you find me attractive?

I don't know.

Why don't you back up a few feet and
let me take a good look at you?

Come on, you can't see me from here?

Because you're just about all I can see.

Can you see this?

Nick, stop playing.

- You know what this is.
- Listen, I'm not playing.

I'm married.
Happily married.

Nick, I'm not trying to take you.
I just want to borrow you.

All this time we spent out in the field?
We can have some real fun.

I'm down if you are.

I'm not.

Listen, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.

It doesn't have to be here.
We could go to my place.

Are you crazy? I don't want
to go to your place.

- Really?
- Really.

I mean, really?

You heard.

Damn. Okay,
Mr. Good Man.

I'll back off. Okay?

But, uh, the offer still stands

for a limited time only.

Limited.

I guess you were right about Sam.

Well, honey,
I have great instincts.

Give me some.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Now, everybody always talks
about how men are dogs,

but they ain't got nothing on y'all.

When a woman decides she wants to
do some dirt, all bets are off.

I'm never eating outside the house again.

Okay, you don't have to take it that far.

But, Nick, what are you
gonna do about her?

I mean, you still work at the same place.

You want me to go down there?

Because I ain't scared of her.

Just because she's bigger than me,
that don't mean nothing.

I can still climb up on a chair and
pop her right upside the head.

Don't let the light skin fool you.

Okay, okay, baby.
It's okay.

Here, have a fry.
There you go.

Look, I told her to back off.
I got it handled.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna
report her to HR tomorrow.

Really?

You're not worried about what
the guys down at the station

will say about you
going to human resources?

No, because I don't have to bail them out
for knocking some chick upside her head.

Aww... "Aww," nothing.

Look, I lay next to you every night,

and you ain't burning the
bed down with me in it.

You talking about some "Aww."
I'll be like, "Ah!"