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1
00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:07,355
Oh, hey, do you mind
if Kevin hangs out
with me on Thursday?
2
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:09,270
What for?
3
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:12,055
Well, he'd been wanting
to get into other sports
besides soccer.
4
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,926
Maybe the cool uncle
can succeed
5
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,711
where the father has failed.
6
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:16,973
You're not his uncle.
7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,409
That is a minor technicality.
8
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,977
You're not cool.
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,110
Okay, now you're just
being ridiculous.
10
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:24,459
What are you guys
gonna do?
11
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,852
Oh, I don't know,
maybe shop for purses,
12
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,507
go to a knitting class,
water ballet.
13
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:32,728
What do you think?
We're just gonna hang out,
you know, like guys do.
14
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,817
If it's okay with him,
it's okay with me,
15
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,906
as long as you stay
out of trouble.
16
00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,690
If you're referring
to Kevin's birthday party,
17
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,518
the ad said entertainer.
18
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:42,825
How was I supposed to know
she was that kind
of entertainer?
19
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,218
Hey, Martin.
20
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,046
Good morning, Suzanne.
You're out of corn flakes.
21
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:48,874
Hey, baby.Good morning.
22
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,228
Mom, can I borrow
your credit card?
23
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,447
What for?
24
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,884
I want to buy the sweater
that Michelle Obama's going
to wear at her next speech.
25
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,886
You can only get it online.
26
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,366
The first time,
I took too long.
27
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,673
The second time, I didn't
even have enough money.
28
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,718
This time, I'm ready.
29
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:08,372
But I need a credit card.
30
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,070
No.
31
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:11,897
Why not?
32
00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,378
Because every time I ask you
to help me with something,
33
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,250
you give me attitude.
34
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,513
So why should I help you
get what you want
when you won't help me?
35
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:20,863
These dishes have been
sitting here since last night.
36
00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,038
But I've been busy.
37
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,127
Besides, I didn't dirty
all these dishes.
38
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,347
That's exactly the attitude
I'm talking about.
39
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,826
But...But nothing.
40
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,741
I can't hear you.
41
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:32,483
My plates are screaming,
"Clean me."
42
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,268
No, they're screaming,
43
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,705
"Let Lindsey
use the credit card."
44
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:38,750
My plates aren't stupid.
45
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:39,838
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
46
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,927
♪ Are we there yet?
47
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:45,148
♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me
48
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,194
♪ Tell me, are we there yet?
49
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,760
♪ Are we there yet?
50
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,334
Hello.
51
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:58,379
Hi.
52
00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,251
[SIGHS]
53
00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:06,865
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
54
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,783
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
55
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:14,699
What's up, Lindsey?
56
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:17,920
I want to buy the sweater
57
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,618
that Michelle Obama's wearing
at her next speech.
58
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,054
Have you saved up
your money?
59
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:23,491
Yeah.
60
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,666
Where do you get it?
61
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,189
At J.Crew.
62
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,409
Well, why don't you just
go to the mall and get it?
63
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:30,106
Anybody can go to J.Crew.
64
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,064
It's not like it's Rodeo Drive.
65
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,805
They never make it
to the store.
66
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:36,417
Everyone buys them online,
and they sell out.
67
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,940
It's easier
to get Michelle Obama
68
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:40,116
than it is to get
a Michelle Obama sweater.
69
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,075
Did you forget
that I used to own
a sports collectible shop
70
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,817
that specialized in acquiring
hard-to-find items?
71
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,558
Kinda.
72
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:50,344
I am the master of getting
hard-to-find items.
73
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,259
I got Kobe Bryant's 8 Jersey,
74
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,478
a Plaxico Burress
gun holster.
75
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,611
I even got a pair
of Michael Phelps' floaties.
76
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,266
So...
77
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,790
So, you're doing it
the wrong way.
78
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,792
Let me show you how
a professional does it.
79
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,577
Can I use your credit card?
80
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,623
Yeah. That's not a problem.
81
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,146
And because you're family,
82
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,322
I'll offer you my services
free of charge.
83
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,455
I wasn't gonna pay you.
84
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,935
That's also why
it's free of charge.
85
00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,415
So, let me get this straight.
86
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,983
A man offered you money
to get him a signed bat
87
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,550
A-Rod used in a game.Mm-hmm.
88
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,769
So you sent letters
to a children's foundation
89
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,380
pretending to be an orphan
90
00:03:26,423 --> 00:03:29,296
whose dream was to have
a signed A-Rod bat.Yes.
91
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,385
But now, someone
from the children's foundation
92
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:32,995
is coming here
to meet that kid,
93
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,997
so you want me
to be that fake kid,
94
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,694
lie to them and my dad,
95
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,783
who just thinks
we're going to hang out?
96
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:41,133
Well, when you say it
like that, it sounds negative.
97
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,961
Yeah, it doesn't seem right.
98
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,616
That's 'cause you left out
the good, wholesome
part of the story.
99
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,097
That guy is gonna give me
500 bucks for that bat,
100
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,577
and I'll give you $50.
101
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,665
You're right.
102
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,188
That does make it
seem better.
103
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,494
It's a deal.
104
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,235
All right, sit down.
105
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,498
Okay, this is everything
I could find online
106
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:58,673
about A-Rod, okay?
107
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,240
I need you
to study these stats
108
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,893
in case it comes up
in conversation.
109
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,331
I'm talking RBIs,
slugging percentage,
110
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,899
girlfriend history,
both celebrity
and non-celebrity, okay?
111
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,161
And these are letters.
112
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,337
I need you to
take a look at these,
113
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,339
because, well, you wrote them.
114
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,080
What's a "crack whore"?
115
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:17,257
Unfortunately, your mom.
116
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,611
Mm.
117
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:26,309
I smell cinnamon toast.
118
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:29,269
No, you smell cinnamon.
The toast is gone.
119
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,966
Oh, I'm starved.
120
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:33,142
I didn't eat dinner
last night.
121
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:34,752
Why didn't you eat dinner?
122
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,798
Because I'm in between
boyfriends,
123
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,800
and I didn't have anyone
to take me out.
124
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:41,846
So, why don't you just
go to the grocery store?
125
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,414
I'm not gonna be without
a boyfriend for that long.
126
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:46,982
Besides, I spend my money
on looking good,
127
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,898
so other people
will buy me food.
128
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,682
But for now,
129
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:55,382
I'll have to depend
on me, myself, and I.
130
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,254
I'm hungry.
131
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,996
What do you have
for me to eat?
132
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,911
[EXHALES]
133
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:13,443
Are you gonna watch
Michelle Obama's speech
this afternoon?
134
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,271
Yeah, of course. Why?
135
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,839
Well, Lindsey wants
whatever J.Crew sweater
136
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,580
she's gonna be wearing,
and apparently,
137
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,233
so does every other girl
in the country.
138
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,932
Really? Girls care
about J.Crew sweaters?
139
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,891
If Michelle Obama wore it.
140
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,938
But, you know, she wanted
to use my credit card,
but I wouldn't let Lindsey,
141
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:32,419
because she hasn't been
helping me around the house.
142
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,030
You know, if those sweaters
are that popular,
143
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,075
maybe I can sell one online
144
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:40,949
and it'll help
tide me over while
I'm in between boyfriends.
145
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:44,344
Did you know
gas is over $3 a gallon?
146
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,694
Yes.
147
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,697
Anyway, I think
you should help Lindsey.
148
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,568
Housework will be here
every week.
149
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:54,354
Michelle Obama sweaters
are here for
a limited time only.
150
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,574
Toaster waffles, huh?
151
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,967
How do you make these?
152
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,755
Okay.
153
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:07,671
In what year was A-Rod
drafted by the Mariners?
154
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,412
Uh, 1993?
155
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:10,935
Correct.
156
00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:13,547
When was A-Rod born?
157
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:17,725
July 27, 1975.
158
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,031
Correct. What's A-Rod's
middle name?
159
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:21,816
Emmanuel.Correct.
160
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,428
I can't believe you.
161
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,430
What are you
talking about?
162
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,694
I was actually thinking
about giving you my credit card.
163
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,609
But you just
don't get it, Lindsey.
164
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:35,090
This basket of clothes
has been in there all day.
165
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,832
You could have folded them.
You could have put them away.
166
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,616
But no, you left them there
to remind me
167
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,924
that you don't do anything
to help me around this house.
168
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,665
You know what?
169
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,537
Michelle Obama did not
get to be the First Lady
by being lazy.
170
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,154
She didn't get there
by folding clothes either.
171
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,592
SUZANNE:
Now you're definitely
not getting it.
172
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:05,337
Bam! You ready to get this?
173
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,775
Okay, so how does
all this stuff work?
174
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,124
We got to see
Michelle Obama
175
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,647
the second
she walks out onstage,
176
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:13,345
and I mean
the first second,
not the second second.
177
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,522
Look, all these screens
are a different shot,
178
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,088
so I got all the angles.
179
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,700
I got East,
West, North, South,
180
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:22,746
northwest, northeast,
southwest, southeast,
east west.
181
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,226
"East west"?
182
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,489
When I say
all the angles,
I mean all the angles.
183
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:29,797
Look, I've already pulled up
the possible websites
where we can buy it,
184
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,974
so as soon as you identify
the color and style
of the sweater...
185
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,062
Bam!
186
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,846
Oh, my God. There she is.
187
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:37,935
[KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]What's the color?
188
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,328
[KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]Pink.
189
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,070
Bam!
190
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,507
What kind of pink?
Fuchsia, salmon, coral?
191
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,248
[KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]Salmon.
192
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,643
Bam! What's the sleeve?
193
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:50,687
Three-quarter.
194
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,211
Bam! What's the length?
195
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:54,996
Short waist.
196
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,128
Button-down?
197
00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:58,695
Bam!
198
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:01,481
Bam! What's the size?
199
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,786
I don't know
what size she wears.
200
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,396
Not her size, your size.
201
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:05,920
Small.
202
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:08,139
Bam!
203
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,098
Credit card on file.
204
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:11,969
BOTH: Bam!
205
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,275
Express shipping.
206
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,277
BOTH: Bam!
207
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,496
Submit order.
208
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:18,280
BOTH: Bam!
209
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:20,543
Order confirmation.
210
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,544
Wait for it.
211
00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:23,546
BOTH: Bam!
212
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,374
[SQUEALS] We did it!
213
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,854
We did it! I told you!
214
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:30,205
[BOTH SINGING] ♪ I am
the pink sweater master
215
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:33,643
♪ You are
the pink sweater master
216
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:36,820
♪ We are
the pink sweater masters ♪
217
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,737
[DOORBELL RINGS]
218
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,268
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
219
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,058
"Lindsey Kingston-Persons."
220
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:09,549
Wow.
221
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,774
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
222
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,037
Was somebody
at the front door?
223
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,344
Why? Were you
expecting somebody?
224
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,911
No. Why?
225
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:26,522
Because you asked. That's why.
226
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,786
Lindsey, I just saw
a delivery truck.
227
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:31,179
Did you get your sweater yet?
228
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:33,616
What sweater?This sweater.
229
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,140
Bam! [CHUCKLES] Give me.
Give me. Give me. Give me.
230
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:39,448
Ooh, this is ni...
Oh, my God.
231
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,189
If they had this
in triple X...
232
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,843
Mm.
233
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,366
That's nice. That's cashmere.
234
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,281
Oh, feel it.
Watch this. Oh, bam!
235
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:48,718
What's wrong with you?
236
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:49,893
Lindsey, sit down.
237
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:56,160
Nick, did you help Lindsey
get this sweater?
238
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:57,597
Yes, I did.
239
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,035
♪ Because I am
the pink sweater master
240
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:03,603
♪ I am
the pink sweater master
241
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,953
♪ I am the...
242
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:09,478
You have no idea
what's going on, do you?
243
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:11,088
Um, no.
244
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:14,178
You got played.
245
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:16,441
I told your daughter
she couldn't get this sweater
246
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,879
because she hasn't been
helping me around the house.
247
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:20,620
Is this true?
248
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:22,883
Well...
249
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,799
You used my powers for evil?
250
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,931
I'm sorry, Dad.
251
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:30,020
Why are you
apologizing to him?
252
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,067
He just got tricked.
I got disrespected.
253
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,938
But I was...SUZANNE: But...
254
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,679
Here's what's
gonna happen, Lindsey.
255
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,289
You are gonna
march down to the mall,
256
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,682
and you're gonna return
this sweater.
257
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:40,770
But I was...
258
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,032
Are you still talking?
259
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:43,991
Go upstairs.
260
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,867
I'm sorry, baby.
I didn't know.
261
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,696
It doesn't make
any difference.
262
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:57,308
You shouldn't be
making decisions
like this without me.
263
00:10:57,352 --> 00:10:58,875
Wait. How am I
supposed to know
264
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,399
what decisions
to check with you about?
265
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:02,487
That's easy.
266
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,925
Before you decide,
check with me.
267
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,145
Fine.
268
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,105
From now on,
I don't do anything
without asking you first.
269
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:16,937
Oh.
270
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,377
Excuse me. Can I leave?
271
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,945
Actually, it's "may" you,
and, yes, you may.
272
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,482
Candace, this is the kid
I wrote to you...
273
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:43,354
I mean, the poor child
who wrote to you
274
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,052
about his love of A-Rod.
275
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:48,359
We're in
a mentor program together.
276
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,753
It's great to
meet you, Kevin.
Give me a pound, yo.
277
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:51,841
Huh?
278
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:52,929
She wants you
to shake her hand.
279
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,322
Shake?Shake.
280
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,410
Yeah.
281
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:56,933
Rrr! [CHUCKLES]
282
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,892
So I'm sorry to get you
out of bed so early.
283
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,895
I'm sure after holding down
a corner all night,
you must be exhausted.
284
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,766
I don't know how you do it
on the drug time.
285
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,376
Drug time? What...
286
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,075
Actually, Kevin doesn't get
much sleep at the group home.
287
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,381
You know how it is
with the constant fighting
288
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:11,774
and the stabbings
and whatnot.
289
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,559
Right, and all the gunshots
and ghetto birds.
290
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,779
Ghetto birds?She means helicopters.
291
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,042
Ah, Boyz n the Hood.
"Domino!"
292
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,958
You know,
we at the foundation
293
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:25,092
were shocked when we found out
that Kevin is a baseball fan.
294
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:26,789
Why is that?
295
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,531
Well, most kids
in Kevin's situation
296
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,489
are more inclined
to be basketball fans.
297
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,577
Ah.
298
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,318
You know,
"Pass me the rock."
299
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,364
"Hitting the tre."
"And one."
300
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,758
"I'm open, homey. I'm open.
Pass it! Pass it!"
301
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,194
We get it. Yeah. Um...
302
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:43,371
Well, Kevin here is
definitely a baseball fan,
303
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,416
especially when
it comes to A-Rod.
304
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:46,853
Am I right, Kevin?
305
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:49,377
Right. I am definitely
a fan of A-Rod,
306
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,075
who was drafted
by the Mariners in 1993.
307
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,034
Yeah.
308
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,731
And I love baseball.
309
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,907
Oh, he is so articulate.
310
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,866
I understood
every word he said.
311
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,478
Who are your
other favorites, Kevin?
312
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,219
Uh...
313
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:08,178
B-Rod and his brother C-Rod
314
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,789
and his other brother D-Rod.
315
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,051
Ah, you're a comedian.
316
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,400
MARTIN: Yes. Yes, he is.
317
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,445
He's like a little
Original Kings of Comedy.
318
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:17,144
Get you a nine-button
purple suit and a hat,
319
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,536
put you on tour?
320
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,582
Okay, um, listen, we know
your time is valuable.
321
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,932
You probably have
some rally to attend.
322
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,109
Uh, so if I could just
get that bat from you
323
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,415
for little Kevin here.
324
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:28,982
Oh, well, that is exactly
325
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,940
what I came
to talk to you about.
326
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,855
We talked to A-Rod's people
327
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,814
and told them Kevin's story,
328
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,467
and he has agreed to let you
329
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,774
come to the game today
as his special guest,
330
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,820
where he'll sign
the bat for you in person.
331
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,865
Isn't that great?So you don't have the bat?
332
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,911
No, well, I was worried
about bringing it here.
333
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,785
But he'll sign it
at the game in person.
Isn't that great?
334
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,396
Yeah, wonderful, mm-hmm.
335
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,963
Do I really have to go?
336
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,487
Oh, uh, don't worry.
There are no metal detectors.
337
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:57,619
What?
338
00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:58,750
You can wear your bling.
339
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:04,669
GIGI: Suzanne!
340
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,367
Yeah?
341
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,152
I need you to help me find
the J.Crew sweater
342
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,241
Michelle Obama
was wearing the other day.
343
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:12,764
What? What are you
talking about?
344
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:15,158
Well, after you told me
how valuable they were,
345
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,899
I posted one online for sale,
346
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,859
and the bidding price
is skyrocketing.
347
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,904
But you don't actually
have one to sell.
348
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:24,254
Right, I thought I could
just go down to the store
and buy one,
349
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:26,213
but those things
are impossible to find.
350
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,997
That's why they're so valuable.
351
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:31,131
Well, I know that now.
352
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,655
I'm gonna change the channel
from SportsCenter.
Is that okay?
353
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,917
Yes.
354
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,223
Can I say hi to Gigi?
355
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:37,311
Yes.
356
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:38,486
Hi, Gigi.
357
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,792
Hi. You know what?
358
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,012
You should've let Lindsey
get that sweater.Why?
359
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,058
Because then
you could've told her
she couldn't have it,
360
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,016
and then you could've
given it to me.
361
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,584
As a matter of fact,
Lindsey did buy the sweater,
362
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,238
and I did tell her
she couldn't have it.
363
00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:52,326
Great. Can I have it?
364
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,197
No. I'm making her
take it back.
365
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,591
Well, how do you take
something back to the internet?
366
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,811
She's taking it back
to the mall.
367
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:02,727
Can I watch
a cool thing about cheetahs
on the Discovery Channel?
368
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:03,772
Yes.
369
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:09,256
You know what?
You can't take that sweater
back to the mall.
370
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,648
I'll buy it from you.
371
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,694
With what?I'll give you a cut.
372
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,088
How you gonna
give me a cut
of something you don't have?
373
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,092
Besides, Gigi,
it's not about the money,
374
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,397
it's about the principle.
375
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,312
Oh, please.
I've said that before,
376
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,880
and believe me,
it's about the money.
How much?
377
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,969
I'm not selling you
the sweater.
378
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,058
Can I put my feet up
on the coffee table?
379
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,146
Yes.
380
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,804
I can't believe
you're gonna sacrifice
hundreds of dollars
381
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:38,981
just to teach your daughter
a lesson, when you could
teach her two lessons.
382
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,505
One, do not
disobey your mother.
383
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,551
Two, even you can earn money
384
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,945
in the comfort and privacy
of your own home.
385
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,556
No.
386
00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:50,775
Three,
387
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:53,126
it's better to give
than to receive.
388
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:55,606
Sometimes.
389
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:56,912
No.
390
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,009
You're lucky all you do
is bobble, Chuck.
391
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,229
Oh, you know, I'm sorry.
I probably shouldn't
be talking to you.
392
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,491
I didn't ask permission.
393
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,625
Hey.
394
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,541
Hey, honey.
What are you doing?
395
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,849
Breathing.
Oh, is that okay?
396
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:24,374
Nick, I shouldn't have
blamed you
for what Lindsey did.
397
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,550
I was angry,
and I'm sorry.
398
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,030
Thank you.
399
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,292
Come here, babe.
400
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,124
Look, Lindsey saved up
for a sweater
401
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,518
Michelle Obama was wearing.
402
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,824
She wants to dress
like the First Lady.
403
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,305
I could think
of a lot worse things.
404
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,438
She could be looking up
to Amy Winehouse,
405
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:47,310
Heidi Montag, Courtney Love,
406
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,530
the Real Housewives
of Orange County,
407
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:51,619
you know, white women.
408
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,491
You're right.
409
00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:57,059
Hey, where's Kevin?
I haven't seen him all day.
410
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,583
Oh, I told him
he could hang out with Martin.
411
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:02,412
Why would Martin want
to hang out
with a ten-year-old?
412
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,806
He said he wanted
to teach him guy stuff.
413
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:08,201
Well, he could have just
stayed here with you
and watched baseball.
414
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,419
[CHEERING ON TV]
415
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:10,638
ANNOUNCER: [ON TV]
Ladies and gentlemen,
416
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:13,162
this is a truly
heartwarming story.
417
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,295
A-Rod is dedicating
this at-bat
418
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:16,774
to young Kevin Martin,
419
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,863
an orphan whose
drug-addicted parents
420
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,865
gave him up
for an eight ball.
421
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,345
"Gave him up
for an eight ball"?
422
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,173
That is awful.
423
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:27,002
Oh, my God! That's Kevin!
424
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,090
What?
425
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,265
ANNOUNCER: Poor kid.
426
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,875
Kevin Martin's
cracked-out parents
427
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,399
should be ashamed
of themselves.
428
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,401
Crack? I'm not on crack!
429
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:36,664
Kevin Martin?
430
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,666
Did Martin have something
to do with this?
431
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,537
ANNOUNCER:
And A-Rod steps up
to the plate
432
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,148
and points to the bleachers.
433
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:45,412
Oh, he's gonna hit a home run
for poor little Kevin.
434
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,197
First pitch,
435
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,634
and it's a swing and a miss.
Strike one.
436
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,375
Uh-uh.You suck, A-Rod.
437
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:53,768
Come on, man.
438
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,770
ANNOUNCER:
A-Rod steps back
to the plate.
439
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,293
Here's the wind up
and the pitch,
440
00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,600
and it's fouled away.
441
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,733
BOTH: What is wrong
with you, man?
442
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,909
ANNOUNCER:
A-Rod just can't
catch a break.
443
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:07,173
Here comes the pitch.
And it's a bunt.
444
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,131
A bunt?
445
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:12,221
ANNOUNCER:
A surprise bunt
for young Kevin Martin.
446
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:14,093
And A-Rod's thrown out
at first,
447
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:17,096
just like young Kevin
was thrown out of life.
448
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,708
You do realize I'm
gonna kill your friend.
449
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,231
Yep.
450
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:31,806
Hey.
451
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,155
Hey.
452
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,940
Thank you for
cleaning up the kitchen.
453
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:39,466
I'm sorry
for disrespecting you
and lying to Dad.
454
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,250
I just really wanted
that sweater.
455
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,817
I know.
456
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,166
Can we do this?
457
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,167
Yeah.
458
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:46,951
Bam!
459
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,475
Really?SUZANNE: Mm-hmm.
460
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:50,390
Oh.
461
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:51,913
Thank you, Mom.
462
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:53,567
You're welcome.
463
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,003
[LAUGHS GLEEFULLY]
464
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,311
SUZANNE: She did a good job.
465
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,051
NICK: Yeah, look at this.
466
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:03,054
Oh, hey, guys.
467
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,534
NICK: Hey.KEVIN AND MARTIN: Hey.
468
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,623
Kevin, did you have
a good time with Martin?
469
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,495
It was cool.What did you do?
470
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,932
We went to the
Mariners-Yankees game.
471
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,326
[CLICKS TONGUE] You don't say.MARTIN: Oh, yeah.
472
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:16,503
I even got this bat signed
by one Alex Rodriguez.
473
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,244
Mm.
474
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,463
I'll take that. Thank you.
475
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,813
Be careful with that.
It's worth $1,000.
476
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:24,337
$1,000?
477
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,077
I thought you said
it was worth $500.
478
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:27,340
Yeah, I lied.
479
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,778
What else did you
lie about, Martin?
480
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,433
Are you the one
who told millions of people
481
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,565
that my child
was a crack baby?
482
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:39,482
I never said that Kevin
was a crack baby.
483
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,137
I said his mother
was a crack whore.
484
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,878
[DOORBELL RINGS]
485
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:46,663
You've got three seconds
to tell her I had
nothing to do with this.
486
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:48,970
All right, fine. I admit it.
It was all my doing.
487
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:50,841
I mean,
you know Nick, Suzanne.
488
00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:52,365
Does he seem
like he could come up
489
00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:54,105
with a plan
this complicated?
490
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,716
Fortunately,
no one was harmed.
491
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,283
So can I get my bat, please?
492
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,807
Your bat?
493
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:03,724
You got this using my child
under false pretenses.
494
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,161
Yeah. That's why I said
I was sorry.
495
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:08,555
This is my bat.
496
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,252
What?
497
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,428
Never trust a crack whore.
498
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,822
Suzanne,
I'm in big trouble.
499
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,171
What's wrong?
500
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,912
I sold that
Michelle Obama
sweater online,
501
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:20,262
and now the winning bidder
is threatening to sue me.
502
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:21,437
Here.
503
00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:23,831
Maybe A-Rod can help you.
504
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,398
What am I gonna do with this?
505
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,661
Sell it to Martin
for $1,000.
506
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,097
I'll give you $500.
507
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,664
I still need
to make a profit on this.
508
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:31,752
$750.
509
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,797
You still get $250
out of it.
510
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:37,497
$650, and I don't tell Suzanne
what you said about her ankles.
511
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,717
I know my friend,
and she didn't say anything
about my ankles.
512
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,371
$850.
513
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,244
Fine, deal.
514
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:47,071
What about
my $100 bucks?
515
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,204
$100. We agreed on $50.
516
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,598
That's when you said
it was worth $500.
517
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:52,642
You're dead to me.
518
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:56,516
Kevin, you were in on this?
519
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,474
I only did it for the money.
520
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,520
[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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