Original subtitles

Well, I'm extremely happy to announce that today is Highland High's career

Now, this is a wonderful opportunity for you guys. This will give you a chance

to interface with working professionals and learn about their exciting and

rewarding job fields.

Uh, is this, like, going to be on a test or something?

This is a life test, butthead. And please raise your hand if you have a

question. And as an incentive, everyone will be excused from one day of school

in order to observe their vocation of choice.

Cool. Yeah.

Vacations kick ass. They kick ass. Yeah. Kick ass.

Yeah.

Check this out, buddy.

You could be saving money on long -distance calls to family and friends.

Yeah. They keep talking about big savings, but I just don't see it.

Oh, no.

Oh,

boy. How did this ever happen?

Yeah, really.

This is like just a bunch of bungholes. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because... Whoa, that's that Brenda bitch from Beverly Hills,

902355781234567898265. 210.

Leave us next time you're talking about that show.

Just say Beverly Hills and forget about the numbers, okay?

Oh, okay.

So, like, why the hell is she hanging out with these wussies?

Yeah, I thought that, like, if you're a bitch, You'd, like, be into, like,

something more hardcore.

I think sometimes if you're a bitch, it's like, you listen to crap like this.

Yeah, maybe it's like, it's like, she doesn't even like it, but she just,

plays this stuff just to piss people off because she's a bitch.

Yeah.

Bitches are cruel.

Bitches are cruel.

Um,

hey, this guy looks familiar.

Well, that's that guy. Remember when we saw those naked movies at your uncle's

house? That's the guy that was in them, right there.

How do you know, Beavis? I recognize him. That's him. That's the guy that was

those naked movies, remember?

It's like, he had a schlong and he was like, you know, like doing that, you

know. You were looking at that guy's face when there was all that porn action

going on?

Well, you were probably looking at his wiener, dumbass.

No, I wasn't.

I was looking, like, around his wiener.

I guess he's, like, in a band or something?

No. This band probably just, like, keeps him around because he can get chicks.

Yeah.

How come that guy gets to be a naked movie?

He's just, like, a big, fat, ugly slob.

Yeah.

Well, you're almost there, Beavis. All you need to do is just, like, get fat.

Really? How do I get big and fat?

Uh... I don't know.

I'm getting sick and tired of dudes who sing like this.

Yeah, it's like almost every damn video you see has, like, some guy singing like

this. Yeah.

It's like he's trying to be alternative.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, something like that, yeah. And it sucks.

We markets are cool.

Yeah. Say, boys, interested in the printed page?

Uh, you got anything with naked chicks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With big hooters.

Uh, no. We do mostly educational and technical manuals. Who's gonna buy that

crap? Yeah, really.

Beavis, butthead, you're supposed to be exploring career opportunities.

These jobs are stupid.

Yeah. Everyone, like, works in a booth.

These people don't work in boobs.

They're here to answer questions and help you plan your future.

Your life after graduation?

Well, if you guys don't pick a career, Van Driesen won't let you skip a day of

school next week.

Uh, skip school?

Uh,

we, like, need a career or something.

Help us get out of school.

You fellas think you got what it takes for security work?

Do we get to kick some ass?

Yeah. Do we get taters and tear gas?

Hell no.

I work at the mall.

Video surveillance.

Basically, they pay me to watch TV all day.

Whoa.

Cool. Yeah, yeah. Hey, buddy. We can do that.

Yeah.

This is gonna be cool.

Coming up next, Butthead helps an old lady across Snake River Canyon.

Stay tuned.

Okay, fellas.

Very simple. All you have to do is watch these screens.

Cool. Hey,

where's the remote?

Hey, mill him out!

If you spot any unusual activity, you come and get me immediately.

I gotta go secure the food court.

Uh, okay, dude.

Yeah. Okay, we got it under control.

These shows suck.

Yeah. Change it to something cool.

I'm trying.

There's nothing good on. These channels all suck.

Yeah.

Really. Let's go out and bust somebody or something.

Yeah.

Let's secure them all.

Hey, buddy.

People respect the badge.

Yeah.

Because it, like, gives us permission to kick their ass and stuff.

Chicks like a man in a uniform.

Yeah.

Check this out.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

Yes? I'm, like, security.

And, like, I'm gonna have to ask you to, you know, assume the position.

If you lay a hand on me, I'll sue your ass.

Whoa.

Hey, buddy.

Let's look for some crimes or something.

Yeah.

Uh, excuse me, sir. Did you pay for that?

Yeah, yeah.

If you just cooperate, it'll make it a lot easier on both of us, okay?

Uh,

excuse me, ma 'am.

Who, me?

Could you step over here for a minute, please?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we'd just like to talk to you for a minute, please. Could you step over

here?

This is gonna be cool.

Oh,

check it out, butthead. It's an outie. That's not an outie, Beavis.

There's two of them. See, it's a nipple.

Those aren't nipples, butthead. Look how low they are.

No way, Beavis. That's just because she doesn't have any legs or a butt.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Besides, nipples can be low. Just look at your mom.

Yeah, I guess they are nipples, man.

Whoa, check out that black juice.

Yeah.

He's going to save the day.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Check it out.

He's shaking his head.

Wake up. Wake up, honky.

Yeah.

That dude's like, dang it, quit messing with my head and go get my legs.

Yeah.

Check it out, buddy. A flot.

Yeah.

Your mother, the flot.

I'm not a mother.

I'm a bee.

Well, that dude's got a pet bee.

That's pretty cool, yeah.

I had a bee that I teach it to go sting people.

Take him, boy. Take him. Take him in the box. Go.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good night, little dude.

See you tomorrow.

Oh.

What the hell are those punks doing?

Uh, did you pay for that, ma 'am?

Yeah. Can I see your receipt, please?

Yeah. Can I see your slip?

Excuse me?

Uh, can we, like... Frisk you?

Yeah, yeah, me too. I don't think so.

What are you doing away from your post?

Let me handle this.

Did you, uh, purchase that, ma 'am?

Yes, I did.

I apologize, ma 'am. I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

It looks like a full cavity search.

White trash, rent -a -cop piece of...

Security is cool.

Is that one of those sneaker ads where, like, the basketball players sit

around in a barbershop?

Uh, yeah.

Only it's, like, a bunch of white guys.

And white music.

Yeah. It's butt -white music.

Hey, where'd that cat come from?

I think it came out of his nose.

Is that supposed to be funny?

It's supposed to be.

It would have been funny if it came out of his butt.

Why is that? I mean, how come, like, if it comes out of his nose, it's not that

funny, but, like, if it comes out of his butt, it's funny?

Why is that? Well, it's because, like, your butt has a crack in it.

Oh, yeah.

What a wuss.

I hate it when you go to the barber, and it's like, he starts cutting your hair,

and then he goes, oh, how's school?

Yeah.

I usually say, it sucks.

Now shut up and cut my hair before I fix that.

comb up your butt.

You know, butthead, maybe that's why you get all those fucky haircuts, you know.

Maybe you should try being a little nicer.

I'm gonna shove a comb up your butt.

My hair looks cool.