All language subtitles for The Iris Affair 2025 S01E03 Joy Ride 720p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE_Track3

The following programme contains strong language and violent scenes.

I need to know who these people are.

Will you tell my wife about us? Is that it?

A what?

Oi! (GUNSHOT CRACKS)

Exactly who and where is Iris Nixon?

This is Charlie's creator - Jensen.

All we need to get the machine up and running again,

is to enter an activation sequence.

I need you to wake Charlie up for me, Iris,

or they are gonna kill me.

Say it. "I'm a cop killer." (VIOLENT GRUNT)

There's literally no one else I can trust.

I need to hide something, it's a book.

Sort of a diary.

Under no circumstances, can you let anyone see you.

Or get their hands on that briefcase.

(INDISTINCT GUARD CHATTER)

(DEEP, ELECTRONIC THRUM)

JENSEN: Between 1953 and 1973,

the United States government funded 116 studies into LSD.

Powerful psychedelics were given to alcoholics,

obsessive-compulsives, depressives,

schizophrenics, convicts...

..and those suffering from terminal cancer.

These experiments showed that a single dose of LSD

could reduce or even eliminate

the fear of death in the terminally ill.

My wife, um...

..was given three months.

And the...

..the anxiety she experienced was unendurable.

She couldn't bear the idea of being erased.

All she'd ever felt or thought just being gone. Forever.

As if she had never been.

So, I administered her enough LSD

to bring about loss of subjective identity.

At first, she saw terrible things...

..things of which she would not speak.

But I stayed with her.

And after passing through this shadow,

she let go her terror

and congregated with... the dead:

her father, her mother.

Our child.

Upon her return, she told me that dying was easy.

The dead are all around us.

Nothing ends.

Nothing ends.

And I was holding her hand when she died and...

..it was the happiest moment of her life.

(IRIS SIGHS) (KEY CLACKS)

(CHAIR CREAKS)

Oh sorry.

Blimey. Are you OK? (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I was, um...

..a million miles away.

(KEYS CLACKING)

Look at that.

They're literally putting his thinking cap on.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(UNSETTLING MUSIC)

Are you ready for the off? Always.

(PAPERS RUSTLING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(KEYS BEEPING) (UNLOCK CLANG)

(MUSIC SWELLING)

(MUSIC STING)

(THEME SONG STARTS)

# Oh, here comes the day

# Comes the day

# Oh, here comes the rain

# On your parade

# There's a price to pay

# For a life of insincerity

# And you pretend

# That it doesn't matter

# And that you're not scared

# Oh, here comes that day

# Here comes that day

# Oh, here comes that rain

# On your parade #

(SONG ENDS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

Fuck!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(SHE GRUNTS)

(SHE GRUNTS)

BAPTISTE: Come back here!

(PANTING)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(BAPTISTE YELLS INDISTINCTLY)

(SHE YELPS)(GLASS PATTERS)

(ENGINE REVS) Pull over!

Stop the car!

(HE GRUNTS)

(DEBRIS PATTERS)

(WIPERS SQUEAK)

(COUGHING)

(SHE YELPS)

Give me that.No!

Get out of the fucking car!

(CRIES) Get off me! Get out of the car!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BLOW THUDS) (JOY COUGHING)

Where's your phone?

You can't do that.

Yeah? Why not?

You're the police. (HE LAUGHS)

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

(TRAFFIC HUM)

(IRIS PANTING)

Shit.

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

(IRIS GROANING)

Right.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Where are you?

I'm at the police station. You've caused an ungodly mess.

IRIS: I need you help, Teo.

I need to get away as quickly as possible.

I'm really in trouble here.

There are police everywhere,

and you are the only way I can get off this island.

And what exactly do you expect me to do?

Drive me off the island, on a ferry, in your police car.

Fuck you. That's not gonna happen.

It's the only way you get me out of your life.

Fine. Where are you?

There's an old watch tower. On the beach.

Five miles from Cagliari.

I know the place.

Hmm.

(SHE SIGHS)

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

Oh, Mr Baxter.

Yes.

Yes, I know your daughter.

(INDISTINCT SPEECH OVER PHONE) When was this?

Model and registration.

Gia. Gia.

GIA: Si? Her phone number?

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

(CICADAS CHIRPING)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(TENSE MUSIC)

IRIS: OK...

(TRAIN RATTLING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(PHONE RINGING, VIBRATING)

Hello?

IRIS: Hi! Is this Alfie Bird?

It is. Who's this?

We've never actually spoken. My name's Iris Nixon.

Very funny.

Is this Claire? No, this is Iris.

Do you have any idea how many Iris Nixon's call me?

I actually don't. Well, it's a lot.

They all think they're hilarious

and they all think they're the first one to have the idea.

Half of them are blokes. Don't you recognise my voice?

I've seen pictures. But I never heard her speak.

I never really thought about that. So where are you, "Iris"?

Doesn't matter. I'm leaving.

So, take a selfie, send it.

And have you plaster me all over the internet?

I wouldn't do that. Not if you were real.

I don't believe you.

OK. Thanks for calling. I think I'm gonna hang up now.

Alright, let's reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.

So, what you wanna do, is monetise me. Right?

I'm not sure I'd put it exactly like that-

Oh no, I don't take it personally. To you, I'm content.

And that's fine. It's just the way of the world.

But you want better content. You want a bigger story!

You want traffic! You want to go viral!

You want a billion views! Right?

Yeah, I want that. Of course, I want that.

Well, I can give you that, you lucky dog!

I can give you the full story. What happened. To whom. And why.

Why?Yes! And why!

No. No. I mean, why- Why would you do that"?

Oh, I see.

Because I told someone that if he came looking for me, I'd punish him.

I'd bring his entire world down around him.

But he didn't listen. So now I need you to help me do that.

Is this actually you?

Yes. Obviously. Who else would it be?

I don't believe you.

No. But you want to, right?

So here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna send you a taster of that proof I have.

Now, fair warning. If any of this ends up on the internet,

you are gonna find me standing at the end of your bed one night,

with a razor in my hand.

And I will slice off your oysters and shove them down your throat.

Then I will open your belly

and drape your guts around the room like fucking Christmas decorations.

You get me?

Yes.

Good. Because this is not cosplay, and this is not larping.

(PHONE CLICKS) This is real.

(PHONE CHIMES)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Iris? Yes?

Uh, this is real, right?

This is real.

I'm not- I'm not sure I ever really thought that...

N-Not in my heart of hearts. It was all just... you know...

So, actually, what-what the hell is that thing?

That's what I'm trying to find out.

Meet me in Rome and I will tell you everything.

What? In Italy? When?

Be there tomorrow. I'll call you.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

It's OK to feel nervous, by the way. I'm not nervous.

Oh, come on, you're only human.

I often wonder about that. (CAMERON LAUGHS)

Perhaps I was grown in a vat and poured out like pancake batter.

(HE LAUGHS)

See that's interesting to me.

What is?

You consistently deny feeling things that you're obviously feeling.

Why do you do that?I'm not sure. Why do you consistently insist,

that I'm feeling something that I'm quite possibly not?

No. No.Do you- Are you trying to neg me?

No! I am not negging anyone, least of all you.

I'm just good at reading people. Really?

Yeah, I did a course. Of course you did.

For what it's worth I'm nervous too.

I know.

(INDISTINCT GUARDS CHATTER)

I want him back, Iris.

I love him and I miss him and I want him back.

Charlie?

Jensen!

Oh yeah, suppose you need him.

Christ. Is that what you think of me?

That I don't actually care about him?

Cos you wouldn't be able to think that if you'd ever actually met him.

He was kind, and thoughtful, and funny,

and he made brilliant people feel stupid,

and the rest of us feel like geniuses.

And I had to watch it all being stripped away from him, bit by bit,

until all was had left, was this Jensen-shaped fucking vacuum flask.

And yes, I want you to wake up the bloody machine,

because I don't want people to hurt me.

But no, I am not a fucking automaton.

And yes, I do actually care about him.

So please don't talk about him like he's nothing. He's not nothing.

Cameron, I didn't mean to- I can't help it.

I didn't try...

I've just never had anyone who is as significant to me,

as Jensen is to you.

I'm not always equipped, the nuance of it,

emotionally, it's not something that I'm, um...

..necessarily very good at.

That's true, isn't it? You're not lying.

Why would I? You took a course. (HE SCOFFS GENTLY)

No friends?

Um... No, not really.

Ever?

No.

What about the rest of it? No one special?

Er, not to speak of, no.

I don't believe you. Look, you can...

..believe what you like.

But I don't understand why it makes any difference.

Because, if we mean nothing to each other,

then nothing means anything does it?

Oh, I completely agree.

It's a pretty desolate way of looking at things.

It's really not.

So that's it?

You never look at the night sky and see

transcendence and profundity, beauty, unity, oneness?

All I see... is reality.

But you're not just your brain, Iris.

There's more than that.

Where?

Everywhere.

Here.

Now.

(BEEPING)

(BUZZER BLARES)

Morning, everyone. We up and running?

DIA: We are up and running.

Outstanding. Go team!

Hey, Jensen. You might remember Iris.

You met very briefly.

She's with us because she's very, very good

at solving puzzles.

Well, I don't know about that.

(COMPUTERS BEEPING)

So, thing is, Jensen...

At the moment, your diary is a puzzle.

And Charlie's password is in here.

And that's why Dia here, put this together for me.

To help me solve it.

It uses neuro-imaging to detect emotional changes in the brain -

anger, sadness, whatever.

Basically, a much more effective lie detector.

Because emotions can't lie. (HE SCOFFS SOFTLY)

So, the first problem: what code did you use?

So, at the top level it's a Nihilist Cipher.

See all these squiggles.

But at core, it's a basic substitution cipher.

Probably a book code.

(BRAIN ACTIVITY MOVEMENT)

Because book codes are almost impossible to break.

Unless you know the book that was used to create it.

And then...

..something occurred to me.

Why choose a diary?

I think you are very, very cunning and very cautious.

I think you changed the code every week.

Cryptographers call it "key rotation".

I mean, that's gotta be hard, right? All those codes.

So, every Monday, you left yourself a little clue.

(BRAIN ACTIVITY MOVEMENT)

(COMPUTERS BEEPING)

You know, for a long time, I thought it was a drawing of a brain.

You are far too cunning for that.

It's not a brain.

So, what can it be?

I wonder...

..if it's this...

..the DNA sequence of Deinococcus Radiodurans.

The world's toughest bacterium.

Which probably appealed to your sense of humour.

I mean, using a DNA sequence as the source of your book code.

Because DNA's "the book of life", right?

(BRAIN ACTIVITY MOVEMENT)

It's working, Jensen.

(MUSIC CRESCENDOS, STOPS ABRUPTLY)

(INDISTINCT POLICE CHATTER)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(KNOCKING)

Thank you for coming. I'm Inspector Casterman.

Where's Joy? It's difficult to be sure.

But we are concerned that Joy may be in some danger.

Can you think of anything that might help us find her?

Anywhere she might try to hide.

With friends, for instance? Hardly.

Boyfriend?If only.

JULIAN: Her jacket.

I'm sorry?

She knows we can trace her phone.

And she has a habit of... pulling this kind of stunt.

And?

And I had a tracker sewn into the lining of her jacket.

(SHEEP BELLS JINGLING)

I see. (SHEPARD YELLING)

Well done, Joy. That was very spirited.

I'm sorry she got you mixed up in all this.

And now I am afraid, I don't know what the hell to do with you.

(SHEPARD YELLING)

(ENGINE REVVING, TYRES SCREECHING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

IRIS: I take it you came alone.

In one hour a passenger ferry leaves Cagliari for Civitavecchia.

I need to be on it.

You take me in this.

Drop me at the Stazione Marittima. Give me a couple of euros.

And that's it. We're done.

I'm gone.

The Special Crime Authority are looking for you.

You'll be fine.

Hmm.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(CLATTERING)

(HE SNIFFLES)

Can I trust you? (HE SCOFFS)

"Trust me"?

You're blackmailing me.

What more do you want me to do? Do you want me to enjoy it?

Just get in.

(DRIVER DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(ENGINE STARTS, REVS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(ENGINE REVVING)

What are we doing here?

KRAUSS: Meeting someone.

Who?

Barbapapa. (BOTH LAUGH)

What does that mean?

Nothing. Sit tight. We'll be there soon.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Yeah, go. I think it's your turn.

(LAUGHTER)

(INDISTINCT DIALOGUE)

(PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES)

No, you don't! I win! I always win...

OK, duty calls.

(FAINT MUSIC PLAYING)

I think I got it.

The password?Yeah.Again?

Yeah, it looks like coordinates.

Amazing. It'll wait. Do it tomorrow.

Exactly.

Come on. Stay with your friends. Yeah. How many times is that now?

IRIS: 127th time lucky...

OK, roll.She ain't coming back.

Nope! (DICE ROLLS) (LAUGHTER)

(KEYPAD BEEPING)

(BUZZER SOUND) (LOCK CLANGS) (DOOR RUMBLES)

(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)

(IRIS SIGHS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(LAPTOP CHIMES)

(KEYS CLACKING)

(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)

"The Bootes Void."

(KEY CLACKS) (LAPTOP CHIMES)

Whatever floats your boat.

(SHE CRACKS HER KNUCKLES)

(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(IRIS SIGHS)

OK? (CLEARS THROAT)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(DEEP ELECTRONIC THRUM)

(LIGHT CLICKS)

(GROUP LAUGHTER)

(INTENSE THRUM)

(TENSE, JARRING MUSIC)

JENSEN: Iris?

Iris, what have you done?

(EERIE MUSIC)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GRUNTING)

(IRIS SHUDDERS)

(GRUNTING)

(NECK SNAPS)

(YELLING) Iris!

COMPUTER: Attention. Emergency. IRIS: Fuck this!

This facility will lock down in two minutes.

If you can not reach you designated safe area, shelter in place.

(ALARM BLARING)

(GRUNTING)

(KEYS CLACKING)

(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(JENSEN GRUNTING)

COMPUTER: Attention. Emergency.

This facility will lock down in 30 seconds.

If you can not reach you designated safe area, shelter in place.

(SLIDING DOORS RUMBLING)

(INDISTINCT GUARD CHATTER)

(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING) (BEEPING)

IRIS: Oh, my God!

(RUMBLING, SHUDDERING)

(ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

(GUNSHOTS BOOMING)

(GUNSHOT)

What the fuck!

(YELLING) (GUNSHOTS)

IRIS: Fuck!

(GRUNTING, SLICING)

(WOMAN YELPING)

(KNIFE SLICES) (BODY THUDS)

COMPUTER: Attention! Emergency!

This facility will lock down in 60 seconds.

IRIS: Fuck it!

(GRUNTING)

(BEEP)

(GLASS PATTERS)

(AXE SCRAPES)

COMPUTER: Attention. Emergency!

This facility will lock down in 30 seconds.

Iris!

(BEEPING)

COMPUTER: Access denied.

Oh, God.

COMPUTER: 20 seconds to full lockdown.

Access denied.

10 seconds to full lock down.

JENSEN: Iris!

Iris!

Three...

Two...

One.

COMPUTER: This facility is in full lockdown.

Why did you do it?

Charlie. Must. Not. Wake.

They were decent people! It can't wake! It can't wake!

It can't wake!

It must not get free.

Destroy the book. Burn it.

(TASER CRACKLING)

(JENSEN GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

CAMERON: Iris. Iris...

You're safe now.

The place is in lockdown.

We can't open the airlock from up here, but you are safe.

I'm so, so sorry. But you are safe.

Don't do that.

Oh, fuck!

(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)

What's wrong with the machine, Cameron?

What aren't you telling me?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with the machine.

I don't believe you.

I can't let you leave, Iris. And I need that diary.

Come on. Please.

What's wrong with the machine?

Nothing. Do not take that book!

Iris, there is nowhere to go.

I'll hunt you down. Don't make me do that.

Don't leave, Iris. Iris, come back!

Come back! Come back here!

Take it and you are killing me!

(TENSE MUSIC SWELLING)

(MUSIC STOPS) (ENGINE REVVING)

(CAR GOES OVER BUMPS)

(CAR STOPS)

(HANDBRAKE PULLS)

(DRIVER DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING)

(BOOT CLICKS OPEN)

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

How did you end up here?

He saw me hiding the briefcase. Back off!

Dug it up. And?

And I tried to get it back.

Why?

So, I could hide it somewhere else.

What are you doing?

I told you. They're here for money.

And right now, they're working for this prick.

(HELICOPTER DOOR OPENS)

Hiyah.

Lovely day!

Nice to meet you, chaps. Excellent work.

Credit to your profession.

How'd you find me?

Well, they're police officers. They find people.

I mean, specifically.

Your telescope. I mean, it took a while.

But, uh, there you were.

Well, now I feel silly.

Oh honestly, don't feel bad. You're only human.

Allegedly.

No. That is actually mine. Thank you very much.

It's actually no-it's-fucking-not. Thank you very much.

How did you and I end up here, surrounded by a cast of thousands?

What was the actual plan?

Have Joy hide the diary while Teo smuggled me off the island.

So you could come back and dig it up when we'd all scuttled off?

Like woodlice under a brick. Yes.

It's not really that much of a plan, is it?

Well in all fairness, I was improvising.

Well, that's jazz, right?

Actually, you look like someone put you through a blender.

Which makes you the intern, does it?

She just killed someone, did she mention that?

Obi-Wan, there.

Mrs Miyagi.

Dragged his body halfway across the island,

set fire to him then pushed him off a cliff.

Oh, well, Iris.

You had a half-arsed plan which went wrong.

Take it on the chin. Let's all move on. Now.

Two three-digit combinations. Child's play.

Except, it won't be, will it, because it's you.

Which means it's booby-trapped.

If I enter the wrong combination, it's gonna destroy the diary.

I don't know. Open it and see.

What is it? Acid? Some kind of alkaline release?

Well, it's not gonna be an alkaline now, is it, moron.

Acid then. Hydrochloric?

Muriatic.

Which- No. That- That is hydrochloric.

Well done, very good. Naughty.

No- So, if I enter the wrong combination- (MIMICS SIZZLING)

No more diary.

Which means, what I'm going to need is the right combination,

if you don't mind. Well, I mind terribly.

Was it a love thing? You and her. Oh, for goodness sake.

Of course not.

'Cos that particular emotion is not available to you, is it?

Not in excess, no.So, you say.

The thing is, Iris, I actually think you're much more decent

than you'd have everyone believe.

Well then, you'd be wrong. Not for the first time.

Let's see. Um, what's the combination?

Your birthday.

(HE LAUGHS)

OK.

Well, can't say I didn't try.

What would it take to arrange a bit of um... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Money.Yes. But how much?

A hundred thousand.

Seriously?

I have partners. And he's a cop.

OK. Fair enough.

Still "no"?

Still "no".

(TEO GRUNTS VIOLENTLY) Hey, don't move!

Listen. Teo, was it?

I honestly don't want this to happen.

But it's going to, unless Iris helps me open this briefcase

without damaging the contents.

So do me a favour and ask her for me.

Monica...

Please do as he says.

That's not my name.

And I'm sorry, Teo, I really am. But...

..he cannot be allowed to have what he wants.

Seriously? Is that what he gets? Come on, Iris.

Don't do this to him. Miss Brook, please don't let them.

That's not my name. And shush now.

Is this actually what it's like, being you?

Or is this just another lie?

Try me and see.Fine.

Let me know when you want it to stop.

Fine. I want it to stop.

Because you are putting yourself through this for absolutely nothing.

You're not cut out for violence.

And you are?

Evidently.

(TEO WHIMPERS) No!

(GRUNTING, WHACKING)

(WHACKING CONTINUES)

Please stop! Stop! Leave him alone! Leave him alone!

She's right. Stop!Please!

(PANTING)

(STICK CLATTERS)

How can you not care?

I don't know. I just... don't.

(YELLS) That is not true!

(JOY WHIMPERS)

Oh, for God's sake, Cameron. Don't be preposterous.Miss Brook!

Just calm down now. It's gonna be fine.

Everything's not fine! Come on, Iris!

Pull the trigger or don't. Nothing changes.Miss Brook!

Infinity minus one, Joy. Don't be afraid.

Oh, that is such bullshit, Joy!

It's just a position she takes. Even she doesn't believe it!

I can assure you she very much does. Right.

Miss Brook. Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me.

(CHUCKLES) She's right. I can't.

You do it.No!

OK, wait! Stop! Just stop! Alright!

Can everyone just shut up for a second, and just leave her alone?

(COUGHING)

If anything happens to the contents of the briefcase, anything at all,

I want you to shoot this young woman in the head.

Yes. Money. Yes. Is that clear?

Yes, sir. Very clear.

Left side:

Zero. Zero. Zero.

Right side:

Zero. Zero...

Zero. Argh, you're kidding!

(HE CHUCKLES)

Wait!

Iris.Oh, for God's sake, Cameron. Just take the win.

OK.

Show me.

(DEBRIS PATTERING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(COUGHING)

Was that meant for me?

(HELICOPTER REVVING)

I didn't want anyone to open it.

Oh, God. I've still got the diary.

Kill me, you don't get it.

You hurt Joy, you don't get it.

(JOY GRUNTS)

Alright, Joy.

Sorry and all that, but she just made you collateral.

No! Miss Brook!

Joy, I'm afraid you're gonna have to go with him.

Get in!Just for a little while.

Get in!

I'll come and get you, I promise.

(INAUDIBLE)

(DOOR OPENS) Get rid of it!

(EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PHONE)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Fucking key's, Iris! Come on!

(SIRENS APPROACHING)

(CAR ALARM CHIRPS) (IRIS RETCHES)

(COUGHING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(UPLIFTING MUSIC)

(MUSIC FADES)

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